Things I learned from video games...

[Lautrec]

In spirit of the GTA:VC thread.

I'll start off:


1. Eating mushrooms gives you Kewl Powerz.

2. If your girlfriend gets kidnapped, you have to beat the living crap out of every street punk in the city before you find her. Sometimes you team up with another guy, and you pose heroically back-to-back.

3. Whenever you're feeling ill, look for large chunks of meat lying around on the ground. They'll cure you instantly.

4. If an evil dictator threatens world peace, the best course of action is to send a single jet fighter against his huge army.

5. Every settlement in the world, no matter how small, has an inn, a blacksmith, and a magic shop.

6. If Dracula rises from the dead, you have to beat him into submission with a whip.

7. When you die, you are instantly revived and nothing can harm you for about five seconds.

8. If someone hits you dead-on with a rocket launcher, you will grunt in pain and bounce 50 feet into the air.

9. AK-47s can shoot through 3 feet of solid rock.

10. Military personnel are manufactured in large facilities, and it takes about 20 seconds to produce a fully trained and equipped infantryman.


Add more entries, folks. :)

-L

[Kenshiro]

11. Using a cardboard box to hide from terrorists is a good tactic.

12. If you want to find the bad guy, look for your long-lost brother/best friend/lover/etc.

13. No matter how weak you are, you'll be able to carry an assortment of pistols, assault rifles, rocket launchers, grenades, and weird aliens weapons. All at the same time.

14. The enemy can be defeated by avoiding his predertemined attack pattern, and shooting at the glowing, orb thingie on his forehead.

15. Jumping and running in zig-zag around highly trained alien warriors and Marines will make you harder to hit.

[Jack]

16. Penguins explode when you throw them.

17. If you steal enough gold from them and sack enough of their ports, the nations of Europe will eventually make you a Duke when you retire.

[BlackSheep]

18. If the world needs saving, don't go to the ancient wizard or the Imperial army or the benevolent gods. They're probably the problem. Instead, what you want is a small group of kids who've never been outside their home village and argue all the time.

[Leif]

19. Anyone above the age of 20 is "old". And two years is "a long time ago".

[YerMum]

20: Weapons are easy to find if you know what to look for - they tend to hover a couple of inches above the ground and rotate slowly.

21: Spending a night in a tent will cure you of any wounds you're suffering from.

22: If you jump on a turtle they retreat into their shell.

23: If you put on a big fake moustache, red dungarees and a silly hat you can fall from any height and land safely. Especially if you land on a turtle.

[Doc Bosch]

24. Huge evil fat men will usually flash red and/or yellow when they are close to death.

-Brent

Fortunately, I am not dying.

[JdRavnos]

25. No matter what you do to save the tiny village from the evils that may befall it, and the world at large, you still have to pay 250 gold for that long sword.

[Doc Bosch]

26. Monsters will grow progressively stronger the further you travel from your hometown. Monsters capable of leveling mountains cannot get past a city wall.

27. Vast armies are entirely ineffective compared to small, elite squadrons.

-Brent

[Alias]

28. There's no effing save point around when you really, really need one!

[Mr. Analytical]

29. If you decide that the only way to save your problems is to go alone against whole armies don't worry about getting injured as people ALWAYS leave medical supplies lying around on the floor.

30. You might be a soldier or a member of a mercenary company but your colleagues are all useless and you'll end up doing everything yourself anyway.

31. If you're a succesful athelete and break records you get free collectable cards!

32. Monsters are completely invisible until they decide to randomly attack you for no reason and you need a magical object to run away from them.

[Elbast]

33. The earthworm is the most viscious, and dangerous creature on earth.

[Leif]

Originally posted by Alias
28. There's no effing save point around when you really, really need one!

But that one's true in real life! I really need one right now and I've never even seen a single one.

[Alias]

Originally posted by Leif
But that one's true in real life! I really need one right now and I've never even seen a single one.

My point, exactly.

We really need that bugfix patch. Like, now!

[Karanov]

We really need that bugfix patch. Like, now!Development is incredibly slow, sadly enough. The last major patch was what? 65 Million years ago? And not that many users where happy with it. Most of them got banned for one thing.

[Pseudo Nymh]

34. Timers, bombs, enemy agents, even bullets, will politely freeze wherever they are and wait for your radio communication/cell phone conversation to end.

[Cenobite]

35. All of the world's problems can be solved by finding the right long-haired pretty boy and beating the ever-loving crap out of him.

[Pseudo Nymh]

36. If you kill someone and their body disappears, they are dead. If you kill someone and their body stays lying on the ground, they surely got back up and recovered their health the instant you walked out of the room.

Addendum: This is also true of dead bodies who fall off of/into something. If you don't see 'em disappear, you'll see 'em again.

[Leif]

Originally posted by Catterjee
35. All of the world's problems can be solved by finding the right long-haired pretty boy and beating the ever-loving crap out of him.

...four or five separate times.

[Nobody]

Russian soldiers that are not sure where you are have ? over their heads, the ones that see you have !.


You can tell how far away DOOM is by looking at the number over your head.

[Lautrec]

37. Even if you've only gone through basic infantry training, you will be able to drive tanks, fly planes and control massive battleships.

38. Sneaking 20 kilometers only to kill someone with a knife is much better than just shooting him with your rifle.

39. Whenever you point a gun at one of your friends, his name and health status will magically appear over his head.

40. When using a crewed vehicle, such as a tank, you will magically be able to perform multiple roles (e.g. gunner, commander, driver) simultaneously.



-L

[harem_lord]

41a) If you are ever short on cash, check random patches of grass and/or break every ceramic jar you come across.

41b) If you are ever short on cash, go through all of the king's treasure chests that are conveniently left lying around and unlocked, for no one will ever notice or care.

42) If you are bitten by a zombie, never fear... despite the fact that everyone else becomes one when that happens, it won't happen to you.

[ool272]

43) It takes a state-of-the-art warship a matter of years to circumnavigate the globe.

[domino]

44) You aren't actually hurting your opponent unless it flashes colors.

[Hobgoblin Pop]

Originally posted by Leif
...four or five separate times.

..and then entering his mind and/or soul and doing it again.

[Mr. Analytical]

45) If you are the leader of a state there is nothing aggressive or morally ambiguous about founding a city of your own within a few miles of his capital and claiming all nearby land as part of your state.

(Clearly the israelis learnt diplomacy from Civilisation)

46) How physically fragile humans are varies massively. Some highly trained martial artists can be killed with one punch whereas other humans can be shot repeatedly at close range with heavy weapory without showing any signs of damage.

47) Sports cars can be driven at top speed into walls and be completely undamaged.

48) It is worth repeating passages of your life that include violence, the risk of death and destruction on the grounds that you might get a different coloured Tshirt.

[Lautrec]

Originally posted by Mr. Analytical
45) If you are the leader of a state there is nothing aggressive or morally ambiguous about founding a city of your own within a few miles of his capital and claiming all nearby land as part of your state.

(Clearly the israelis learnt diplomacy from Civilisation)



:D

49. No matter how many revolutions your country has, you will always remain as the leader.


-L

[Cessna]

50) If you don't like the rifle you are carrying or are low on ammo, suicide is a viable option.

51) Jet runways are about 200' long. Jets don't require a ground crew. If they are shot down, they materialize back at their airbase. If they stray more than a mile from their base, they're declared "out of bounds."

52) When your helicopter is on fire 500' up, the best thing to do is just jump out.

53) Merely opening your first aid kit will heal a horrible chest wound.

54) Tanks won't squash friendly solders, they'll just nudge them out of the way.

[Epoch]

55. If you've been quietly managing your empire for hundreds of years on the basis of peace, fair trade, and non-expansionism, but you're getting to have really good tech, your erstwhile allies will, out of nowhere, declare war on you.

(In all fairness, you were probably just starting to think about creating a gigantic army and crushing them anyhow.)

56. Moral ambiguity does not exist.


EDIT: Fixed numbering.

[Elbast]

57. Its 2004, We've colonised Alpha Centauri by now.

[Cessna]

58. Merely looking at a map will tell you where all friendly soldiers nearby are located, and what direction they are facing.

[Lautrec]

59. If you crouch next to a box, your ammo belt will magically replenish itself.

[Ghola]

60. Nobody cares if you walk into their home unannounced, look in every closet/chest/flower pot, take everything you find there, and walk out again.

[Lautrec]

61. If you kill an innocent townsperson, every single guard in the city will come running after you, even if no one witnessed the crime.

[Ghola]

Originally posted by Lautrec
61. If you kill an innocent townsperson, every single guard in the city will come running after you, even if no one witnessed the crime.

61a. ... and they will beat your ass even though they were completely helpless against the goblins/street kids yesterday.

[The Overlord of Bonparr]

62. You can pass for anybody, if just have their clothes.

63. You can propell yourself from the ground by using a rocket luncher, only hurting your self slightly.

[blue_horizon]

63. A sniper rifle will always kill you with one shot to the torso while an AK-47 will not despite the fact that they fire a bullet of identical calibre (7.62mm).

64. Running over the body of a fallen foe will instantly add whatever ammo he might have been carrying to your supply without the need to even stop and remove it from his pouches.

65. The blast from a magical fire attack will burn a rookie soldier to death while his similarly armoured but much more experienced ally will be only lightly scorched.

66. A pair of handguns is a viable weapon to use against trained soldiers with body armour and assault rifles.

67. The effects of a flashbang grenade will only last for about 20 seconds and leave no lasting damage to hearing and eyesight even if you were looking right at it from 6 feet when it went off.

68. Guards will return to a casual state only a few minutes after finding one of their squadmates dead with a bullet through their brain.

69. You always need to find a key for every locked door even if you are carrying a plasma rifle / rocket launcher / lightsabre that can penetrate the toughest armour known to exist.

[BlackSheep]

Originally posted by blue_horizon
66. A pair of handguns is a viable weapon to use against trained soldiers with body armour and assault rifles.

I think John Woo gets at least partial credit for that one.

[Leif]

70. Keys and doors are colour-coded to match.

[Elbast]

71. Putting clingfilm over the toilet bowl makes you a Complete Bastard

[The Eye]

Originally posted by Elbast
71. Putting clingfilm over the toilet bowl makes you a Complete Bastard



is this from a video game, or just a good rule of thumb in general?

[Elbast]

Originally posted by dyjoots
is this from a video game, or just a good rule of thumb in general? Both.

Complete Bastard is capitalised as there was an old Spectrum game called "How to br a Complete Bastard" :)

[Ghola]

72. You can identify a fantasy hero by his/her hair. It will usually be of a color and/or structure that does not exist anywhere else in nature.

73. The best way to end a fight is to call down a large comet or elder deity/demon to smite the battlefield. Not only will this leave you personally unharmed, it will remove your enemies without so much as singeing a single blade of grass.

74. If you are sent on a special ops mission, it is virtually guaranteed that your superiors are holding back valuable information, and are likely to be working with the enemy.

75. Bladed weapons triumph over guns every time. Always choose the combat knife/short sword/lightsaber over the semi-auto rifle. Note that your enemies are aware of this and will finish you with knives while you're trying to bring your firearm to bear.

[SteveVo8a]

76. The only reason to complete any task is to give you an ability that will allow you to complete the next task, which will give you an ability to complete the task after that, and so on.

77. Blocks and crates must be pushed.

77a. Crates can sometimes be destroyed instead of pushed, but they must be in one way or another interacted with. They can't just sit there.

EDIT: numbers

[blue_horizon]

78. If an enemy can only be defeated by a certain type of weapon it will be convieniently lying around near the enemies lair / shronghold.

[Elbast]

79. Bazookas and grenades are entirely dependent on the wind for accuracy, and even a stick of dynamite practically planted right up your arse wont kill you outright, if you're unhurt to begin with.

[Neil]

Originally posted by Elbast
Complete Bastard is capitalised as there was an old Spectrum game called "How to br a Complete Bastard" :)

I have the book it may have been based on.:D

Umm..

80. A locker will contain an article of clothing that will allow you to walk straight past most of the soldiers / guards in the in villain's secret base, even though everyone working there could have known each other for several months.

[harem_lord]

81) after killing someone, always check their pockets for more ammo
81a) all ammo found in the pockets of dead enemies will fit at least one of the weapons you carry.

82) Evil overlords outfit their soldiers in brightly colored outfits, with different colors depending on their combat ability

[Crusader808]

83) Getting your car repainted will make the police forget they ever saw you

[Cessna]

84) If you don't talk to a villager they will either wander in circles or sit and stare FOREVER.

[Elbast]

Originally posted by Crusader808
83) Getting your car repainted will make the police forget they ever saw you In this vein...

85. No matter what you do, the worst the cops will do is take all your stuff, and let you go. Maybe halving your bonuses, maybe not.

[Cessna]

Which leads to:

86) Getting killed just means a trip home, several seconds lost, and a financial setback.

[Ubermonkey]

87) there are always more russian soldiers.

[Cessna]

(Heh - not in Combat Mission, when you're playing as the Russians...)

Speaking of which:

88) Want to know where your squad leader is? Just look for the giant red pipe lying on the ground that leads to him. If you can't see him directly, it turns black.

(Non CM specific)

89) No, you can't leave the map. The world is divided into discrete areas that are apparently seperated by impenitrable glass walls. No, you can't drive a tank through the walls, or shoot through them...

[JdRavnos]

90) If you're fighting monsters that overwhelm you, you can attempt to flee, but they may be able to prevent it. However if the monster tries to run, no matter how much you would like to see it on the unfriendly end of your sword, they WILL escape.

[Elbast]

91. Race circuits are always self-contained. No way in or out, or off the track. How do racers get there - teleportation of course, or a giant fisherman hauling them up and planting them in place.

[Cessna]

92) World War Two apparently was won by thousands of commando raids in which heroic individual soldiers snuck into and blew up secret labs, U-boat pens, railroad guns, and fortifications made from haunted castles.

93) All Germans yell "Achtung" constantly.

[Elbast]

94. Hedgehogs are blue and REALLY REALLY fast.

[SteveVo8a]

95. It's just as easy to make a robot by building one around a living animal and keeping it alive inside as it is to just build a regular robot.

96. if you defeat a powerful robot that doesn't have an animal inside, you can get the weapon of the robot for your own robot, but it's generally less effective, except against certain other robots.

[Chocobo]

97. You can't die as long as you have a ring.

[snafubar]

98. Martial arts can teach you to throw fireballs, do midair spinning kicks, and fly through the air like a missile. (Street Fighter)

99. Fights only take place in 2 dimensions. (SF, MK 1-3, etc.)

99a. You can only walk/jump in 2 dimensions. (Scrollers)

Edit: Fixed numbers

[Ubermonkey]

99) trapping small women in bottles is okay because they bring you back to life

100) training wilderness creatures to fight each other is not ilegal, and is infact encouraged

101) Parents don't care if their children go of on world hopping adventures. Some will encourage it, infact.

[xoid]

102. Most people only have one or two things they'll say to you, and then they start repeating themselves. If you come back after some major event they may have something else to say, but maybe not.

[Elbast]

103. You can never go back... or if you can, only a few steps worth. The screen must scroll on!

[Killer GM]

103) Red things explode.

104) It is possible to stuff a 10+ foot tall creature into a small ball 6 inches in diameter.

[Elbast]

106. A stack of 10 small gemstones takes up the same amount of space as a suit of full plate armour.

[Ian Henderson]

107. NEVER stand next to the barrels

[Fade]

Originally posted by Ian Henderson
107. NEVER stand next to the barrels

Of ANYTHING. Barrels of entirely inert substances have been known to explode spectacularly when shot with a few rounds of 9mm.

[admiralducksauce]

But sometimes, as a corrollary to the Crate Rule, barrels contain useful trinkets.

Sometimes they explode INTO useful trinkets.

[JdRavnos]

108) The fauna (and occasionally flora) of any given area often carry weapons, gold, potions and other assorted items. Where they keep these items is a secret that is best not known.

[Elbast]

109. If you bed down, you will be endlessly woken by a carbon copy group of beasties.

[harem_lord]

110a) The enemies can unload round after round at you and never hit
110b) If you see a red flash coming from the enemies that have been shooting at you, that's the time to duck.

[Balthazor]

111) Innocent townspeople are typically invulnerable.

112) No matter how many bullets an enemy fires at you, his gun will be fully loaded when you recover it from his body.

113) The doors of creepy mansions lock with word games and picture puzzles.

114) No matter how fragile they may appear, the windows of creepy mansions are unbreakable.

115) The water in Florida will kill you on contact.

116) When embarking on a dangerous espionage mission, take care to insure that your girlfriend does NOT have access to your communications.

[tsadkiel]

Originally posted by xoid
102. Most people only have one or two things they'll say to you, and then they start repeating themselves. If you come back after some major event they may have something else to say, but maybe not.

This one's actually true.:)

[Lautrec]

117) If your trusty childhood friend comes with you when you go on your epic quest, he/she will either die or turn evil.

118) Teenage heroes living in fantasy worlds always have at least one cute pet.

119) Beggars always give you useful information if you hand them some money.

120) If you run into your arch-enemy in any location that is NOT his Fortress of Doom, he will be invulnerable to your attacks.

[This Guy]

121. Nobody is capable of referring to people, places, or things, as proper nouns, though it is possible. As a result, you will most likely hear everyone talk about "that man," "the incident," and "that place" for no immediately good reason.

122. All minor outbreaks of monsters in a given area are the results of vast, world-spanning conspiracies. Nothing is ever an isolated incident.

[Draco Light]

123. Collecting 100 of any particular object of moderate value will result in you being able to self-resurrect!

[MACH RIDER]

124. When your enemy wishes to keep you alive to fulfill his own plans, he will send a tank after you. (MGS)

125. Jumping is the best way to get anywhere and is not at all tiring.

126. If you are a military commander, resupply is a word only other commanders use. You get to mine your own materials and build your units on the spot. Convoys only exist when you have to protect them. (Most RTSes)

127. Anyone or anything you're supposed to protect will do its damnedest to get killed.

128. None of your friends will use the same weapons as you. (FF7+)

129. If you crash your car (this car being exempt from the "no damage rule" given earlier), a van will bring you a new one immediately. You will never be hurt in these incidents. (Spy Hunter)

130. If you're one fighter pilot of many, your death will result in the destruction of your entire fleet. (X-Wing and the like)

131. Your enemies can only see about fifty feet in front of them. (MGS)

132. Stinger missiles are an all-purpose weapon, and are the only device known to man capable of destroying security cameras. (MGS - pre Twin Snakes)

133. Holding your gun at an angle with your line of sight and ignoring the sights is a good way to fire accurately. (Most FPSes)

134. Firing while running is at least as easy as firing while standing still. (Most FPSes)

135. Double-barrel shotguns do not need to be reloaded between shots, and will magically fire ammo in your belt pouch. (Quake)

That's enough for now.

[iTim]

136. If you're in love with a girl and the world is in all probability about to be destroyed the next day, you must kiss her briefly under the moonlight and then get a good night's sleep.

137. Driving down the wrong side of the road ramming cars out of the way is perfectly legal, but accidentally tapping a cop car is an arrestable offence.

[YerMum]

138. Anyone with anything useful to say will have their name hovering above their head when you look at them. Everyone else will have "Townsperson" or "Guard" and won't help you at all.

139. Actually using the Dark Side of the Force to throw lightning at people doesn't make you evil, using mind tricks to obtain a plot important droid will.

[Inmar]

140. If you are adopted, and living on a farm/apprenticed to a blacksmith/etc. you can be fairly confident in your future because you are most likely and heir to a kingdom/legendary hero.

141. For some reason, the place where you start your adventure, no matter how big, will have only the basic supplies and weapons to sell. Near the end of your quest, even wandering peddlers stock their ware with magical weapons and powerful magical scrolls.

[Lautrec]

142. Blue crystals and green gas are the only raw materials you need to construct tanks, mechas, starfighters and enormous battlecruisers.

[Balthazor]

143) If ever things aren't going your way, simply locate the reset button and start over.

[Nightward]

143: Temples do not exist so the clergy can serve their patron deity, nor to help the local community.

They are either Respawn Points or hold gateways to the Dark Dimensions that must be closed.

144: Even though he quickly obtains the ability to fly, the hero cannot leave the island until he completes every quest there. (Many games, but particularly DMC).

145: Evryone, whether they're an 18-year-old, tiny Chinese girl, 21-year-old master martial artist, resurrected demon-thing, or a 90-odd year-old-man, will *ALL* have the same ability to withstand punishment. (Tekken 4)

146: Hitting your opponent at the right time will prevent them from ever hitting the ground. (Nearly every fighting game)

147. It's *NEVER* the Final Fantasy.

[Ghola]

Originally posted by YerMum

139. Actually using the Dark Side of the Force to throw lightning at people doesn't make you evil, using mind tricks to obtain a plot important droid will.

(I can't begin to describe how much this pisses me off.)

148. Even the most battle-ready, physically fit hero will chronically oversleep and have to be nagged awake by his mother or unrequited love.

[ool272]

Originally posted by MACH RIDER
128. None of your friends will use the same weapons as you. (FF7+)


149. If you visit a weapons shop, the only weapons on sale will be ones that one of your friends knows how to use.

[Balbinus]

Originally posted by Crusader808
83) Getting your car repainted will make the police forget they ever saw you

Particularly bizarre when you have, as I have had, difficulty pulling out of the respray joint because the number of armed police outside is so huge that they are having trouble getting past each other to leave.

150. There is no difficulty in simultaneously carrying a knife, pistol, sniper rifle, submachine gun, rocket launcher and experimental heavy weaponry.

[reptile2k1]

151 -
There is no fuel for the chainsaw!

FORGET IT!

[Taerkar]

Originally posted by Balthazor
115) The water in Florida will kill you on contact.


But this is true, isn't it?

[JdRavnos]

152) Odds are that you'll find out on your epic quest that the emporer, dark warrior, whatever you had thought to be your arch-nemesis is actually just a pawn and you'll encounter the REAL ultimate threat about 3 minutes before you actually have to fight it.

153) After said fight, you'll scratch your head and wonder what the hell that thing was.

[Balbinus]

154

A lone general, cut off from his men and surrounded by enemy spearmen, has a fair chance of fighting his way right back out again on his own.

[tk421]

155. Cities are incredibly dangerous. Just walking around (especially if you are a competent fighter of any sort) is asking to assualted by wave after wave of mindless thugs, hellbent on beating up you and you alone.

[Taerkar]

156) Only certain things in the world can actually be destroyed. Most terrain, buildings, and even ornamentals like signs are completely invulnurable to even the heaviest of weapondry, suffering at most a scorch mark or bullet hole that will eventually fade away with time. The only exception to this is if the item has developed a crack, which is nature's sign of the removal of said invulnurability.

edit: Weee, lag!

[Balbinus]

157) Any item I happen to find, no matter how apparently useless, will turn out to be vital to my survival at some later point in time.

[ool272]

158. Humans do not need to sleep or eat (unless they are wounded).

159. Toilets are quite rare. Their most important feature is often an air vent which can provide entry into an otherwise heavily-guarded area. You never need to actually use one.

[Ghola]

160. The age of modern warfare began in 1790, when the Zulu nation developed atomic weapons.

[tk421]

161. If I can go in a certain direction, I MUST go in that direction. Maybe not now, maybe not until I have a certain key, but I will have to go there eventually.

[Megamanfan]

It's probably been said, but what the hell:

162. There is ALWAYS something behind a waterfall.

[SteveVo8a]

163. If you get the chance to change someone's name, they will eventually join your party, unless they happen to be your rival at monster-catching.

[Cmdr_Adeon]

164. Bartenders/Innkeepers are the best source of information on whats going on in town.

[Y.T.]

165. No matter how many seemingly useful things are in the background you will only be able to pickup a chess piece.

166. The more effeminate a man is the deadlier he is.

[xoid]

Originally posted by ool272
149. If you visit a weapons shop, the only weapons on sale will be ones that one of your friends knows how to use.

167. If you find a weapon non of your friends use, buy it, for you will soon make a new friend who can use it.

[Elemental]

168: No matter whether the enemy fired no rounds or two hundred rounds at you before dying, he will only be carrying one clip of ammo when he croaks. (lots of FPS's)

169: Climbing walls is completely impossible except when there is some plant or ladder to climb up. (lots of FPS's)

170: Stained glass windows can withstand multiple rocket impacts (Quake).

171: Christian monastaries in 500 AD had boxes of bullets and shotgun shells lying around, though the monks never used them, preferring big sticks. (Undying)

172: There are large areas of major American cities that have gold nuggets or gemstones scattered randomly around (Red Alert 2).

173: The human eye retains perfect clarity and depth perception underwater (many FPS's).

174: While vigilant for any unusual noise or sight, trained guards will not blink at large patches of moss appearing out of nowhere in their patrol areas. (Thief)

175: Your ability to withstand injuries such as being slashed with a sword or shot in the torso and neck with arrows increases tenfold if you're aware of your attacker. (Thief)

176: You can stand in lava for several seconds without impairing your running speed. (Doom 1 & 2)

177: Having your arms, legs or neck broken will not at all impair your ability to fight, unless you were about to fall over when it happens, at which point it's fatal (Mortalk Kombat).

[Erstwhile]

178. In order to create a town and an army to defend it, you will generally need, at most, three different kinds of resources. (Gold, oil and lumber, but no iron, allows you to smelt weapons how?)

179. Certain types of people - we'll call them "heroes" - continue to get stronger, faster and more skilled as a war continues. For the vast majority of soldiers, however, the best they can hope for is better weaponry.

[Kaiju]

180: Love can bloom on the battlefield.

[blue_horizon]

Originally posted by Balbinus
154

A lone general, cut off from his men and surrounded by enemy spearmen, has a fair chance of fighting his way right back out again on his own.

Been playing Medieval Toal War eh? That pissed me off as well, i once had about 300 hundred men surrounding the enemy king and he still fought his way out and escaped. I was PISSED! I felt like shouting "What the f**k is this! Dungeons and Dragons or something - was he a 20th level fighter or just really lucky?"

anyways

181. The enemy mastermind will always treat the hero as if he/she is weak and feeble foe beneath their notice - even if said hero has defeated legions of hardened troops and his most trusted generals, despite only being armed with a sword or a light firearm.

[Kaiju]

182: Don't ever try to own more than 99 of any single item because it isn't physically possible.

[Professor Phobos]

183: You might be wearing state of the art combat armor, capable of maintaining a powerful AI, sensor suite, enviromental protection, strength augmentation and experimental energy shield indefinetly, but you can only keep your flashlight on for a couple of minutes before the battery runs out.

[SteveVo8a]

184. Barring special status conditions, there are only two possible states of being: Alive and dead. A wound does not slow you down or disable you at all until it actually kills you. Then you die instantly.

[teucer]

185. You don't know what something is until you try to use it. It might be a wool cloak, which is grey, or it might be an enchanted cape of levitation, which is purple, but you can't tell the difference until you put it on. (Castle of the Winds, among others)

186. The year is measured in BC or AD, even before any event has ocurred which would make a plausible anchor point. Such an event need not occur, the transition will happen. (Civilization)

187. There is a year 0 AD. (Civilization)

188. The game of ping-pong is two dimensional. There is no gravity, and the laws of thermodynamics do not apply. (Pong)

189. If you have three turtle shells whirling around you, you're safe from most attacks. (Mario Kart)

190. Slime is a rigid, semicircular organism capable of changing colors at will. (Slime Volleyball)

191. A man who says little is a man who speaks two syllables. (God of Thunder)

192. It is not customary to temper a blade after forging it, even on a very nice sword. This is an extra that might be added later, if you complete some quest. (Zelda)

193. There are places you can't reach without a mirror. Somehow mirrorless soldiers are already there. (Zelda)

194. Jormundgard is only four times as large as you are, and occupies a finite area. (God of Thunder)

195. Even a god can't get the bridge fixed on arbor day. The date changes when you solve a puzzle, however, even if there is no night in between. (God of Thunder)

[Kaiju]

196: If you are elected as President of the United States and you're unsure of the gender of person you're speaking to, just grab their crotch.

[Balthazor]

197) If spotted by the enemy while infiltrating their facility, staying out of sight for a couple minutes will make the enemy forget that you were ever there.

[Random Nerd]

198) Even if you're practically the only non-demonic magic user in centuries, every city will have an alchemist that sells potions to restore your magical power.

199) It's impossible to attack someone with a sword as long as he merely walks briskly away from you.

200) Apples are to be found scattered far and wide, but no actual apple trees exist.

[DM with a vengeance]

201) Shopkeepers will bust your ass if you so much as touch as septim, but won't notice that their insanely valuble publicly displayed stock has disappeared.

EDIT: Numbers

[teucer]

202. Snakes will shoot you, but only if you're due north, south, east, or west of them. (God of Thunder)

[JamesCat]

203: As long as you have one soldier left alive in a squad, it doesn't matter what happened to his friends. (Blitzkrieg)

204: All sides in WW2 used the 'human wave' exclusively. (Blitzkrieg)

205: It takes at least a year for a bomber to make an attack. (Civilisation)

[Balthazor]

206) Murder is easy to get away with, since most dead bodies disappear shortly after death, sometimes blinking in the process.

[teucer]

207: You can't just walk by something. If you're next to it, then you're interacting with it. (Many)
208: The effect of eating a mushroom varies with its color (Crystal Caves). Ditto for turtle shells (Super Mario).
209: Special pills will reverse your personal gravity (Crystal Caves).

[Balbinus]

Originally posted by blue_horizon
Been playing Medieval Toal War eh? That pissed me off as well, i once had about 300 hundred men surrounding the enemy king and he still fought his way out and escaped. I was PISSED! I felt like shouting "What the f**k is this! Dungeons and Dragons or something - was he a 20th level fighter or just really lucky?"

anyways


Yup, I discovered it in a battle where my forces were badly outnumbered. I used a wedge to drive my men, taking horrific casualties, through the middle of the opposing army planning to take out their general who was last heir to the enemy throne. I figured losing almost all my men in the process was an acceptable outcome.

I hadn't counted on him being some kind of epic level character.

Anyway,

210) Painkillers heal bullet wounds. If you plan on being in a firefight, make sure to pack some Advil.

[Ghola]

211. The most reliable sign of acrobatic/combat ability in any female is her breast size. Fear the D-Cup!

[Cessna]

212) Everyone in the world is either young and attractive or old and wise.

[Erstwhile]

213) The world is populated by clones, classified by profession. The Merchant Clones all look alike, the Soldier Clones all look alike, etc.

[JdRavnos]

Originally posted by Erstwhile
213) The world is populated by clones, classified by profession. The Merchant Clones all look alike, the Soldier Clones all look alike, etc.

Corallary: If someone looks unique, they're either a part of your team, or one of your nemeses.

[Cessna]

Originally posted by Kaiju
180: Love can bloom on the battlefield.



Morrigel...?

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

[Erstwhile]

214) When on a mission to save the world, when you enter a dungeon or other such place it is very important to take minimal troops or followers with you. While this may at first glance seem ludicrous, there is no need for concern, as ample reinforcements will be found within.

[Cessna]

215) It is impossible to turn your head to look in any direction other than forward. (too many games to list)

[s/LaSH]

Originally posted by Erstwhile
213) The world is populated by clones, classified by profession. The Merchant Clones all look alike, the Soldier Clones all look alike, etc.

See, this is why I like the Avernum (http://www.spidweb.com) series. "You see a merchant. He looks familiar. 'Yes, I and my many brothers run shops throughout the land. And yes, we all have the same name. Our parents were a little unimaginative.'" There's also a travelling provisioner you meet in many towns. Once can conclude that he either has a good horse or also knows the teleporting hermit mage.

[Silesia]

Metal Gear Solid
- I learn all thing all sorts of thing about avoiding security camera and other security equiptment.

[ool272]

Originally posted by s/LaSH
See, this is why I like the Avernum (http://www.spidweb.com) series. "You see a merchant. He looks familiar. 'Yes, I and my many brothers run shops throughout the land. And yes, we all have the same name. Our parents were a little unimaginative.'" There's also a travelling provisioner you meet in many towns. Once can conclude that he either has a good horse or also knows the teleporting hermit mage.

Wow, someone else who knows Avernum. For some reason I found it (well, actually it was Exile, but they're pretty much the same) one of the most compelling CRPGs I've ever played. And I could never get into Baldur's Gate et al.

[YerMum]

216) Even though the end of the world is nigh (meteor heading for the planet, evil ritual nearly finished, reactor gonna blow etc) there's still time for some pointless sidequest/levelling.

[Cessna]

217) Increasing your skills and abilities - and IQ, for that matter - only takes a matter of minutes of getting involved in fights. (too many rpgs to count)

[Thunder_God]

Originally posted by s/LaSH
See, this is why I like the Avernum (http://www.spidweb.com) series. "You see a merchant. He looks familiar. 'Yes, I and my many brothers run shops throughout the land. And yes, we all have the same name. Our parents were a little unimaginative.'" There's also a travelling provisioner you meet in many towns. Once can conclude that he either has a good horse or also knows the teleporting hermit mage.

Poke'Mon, Joy and what'shername the cop? ;)

[Senex]

(218) A tank division can be fought off by a unit of pikemen (Civilisation)

[s/LaSH]

Originally posted by Thunder_God
Poke'Mon, Joy and what'shername the cop? ;)

Heh, thought of mentioning them but thought it'd be too geeky.

I was obviously sniffing paint and had forgotten where I was.

The cartoon calls the Joys and the Jennys (iir the cop's name c) cousins. This is obviously a coverup for the horrible, horrible things going on under the surface of Pokemon. I'll phrase some of this in numbers so's not to go too far off topic:

(219) Everything in the world - animals, vermin, grass, even certain distinct types of rock and mineral - is sentient and capable of battling.

(And capable of communicating telepathically, but that's a cartoon thing - 'pika pika' is apparently perfectly comprehensible to creatures only capable of saying 'psyduck'.)

(220) Humans cannot be digitised and transmitted over the Internet. Pets, however, can be.

(Now here's where it gets interesting. Why can't humans be transmitted? How do we know they can't? And how do we know the abrupt physical transformations of pokemon aren't due to this cavalier treatment of their cellular structure? What would happen to humans were they exposed to digitisation? Etc, etc.)

(I think the world of Pokemon is hiding some hideous weirdness in its not-too-distant past. There was probably at least one clone war, and a series of genetic experiments that utterly destroyed the environment and required its replacement with cute, fuzzy monsters. The tech of the day is pretty low, all things considered, partially because of postwar industrial collapse, partially because of mutual agreement to Never Do That Again.)

(That, or the world is a colony with its own native ecosystem that humans are poking around with. Similar to other colonial sf, extensive use of cloning created the base population, and because nobody wanted to be a nurse or a cop, they had to keep cloning them, and by today the brains are getting a little thin. That policewoman isn't the brightest spark in the rainbarrel. This does, of course, gloss over certain episodes where they refer to the distant past, so it's unlikely.)

(... not that I watch Pokemon any more. And when I did, it was mostly to come up with this sort of stuff, or predict a postapocalyptic setting.)

[blue_horizon]

221 - if someone actually has a name rather than a generic tag (like commonor or guard) they will ALWAYS have something important to say. (tons of RPGs)

[stove]

222) Even though clearly demonstrating the person standing at your stall is the mightiest and most noble warrior in the land, clearly out to stop an evil that obviously imperils everyone, you still have the right to charge him or her money for for healing potions and magical relics.
"That'll be six coppers, sonny. Hey, don't finger that breastplate of noble righteousness unless you intend to purchase it! Now, go and slay the Dark One before he conquers us all and eats our souls! "

223) Gates to hell in one's backyard are no cause for alarm. (Diablo)

[PenguinZero]

(And capable of communicating telepathically, but that's a cartoon thing - 'pika pika' is apparently perfectly comprehensible to creatures only capable of saying 'psyduck'.)

I personally think that it's just that we humans are so abominably stupid compared to the global standard that we can't understand any other language, no matter how easy it is to the other intelligent species of the world.

(220) Humans cannot be digitised and transmitted over the Internet. Pets, however, can be.

(Now here's where it gets interesting. Why can't humans be transmitted? How do we know they can't? And how do we know the abrupt physical transformations of pokemon aren't due to this cavalier treatment of their cellular structure? What would happen to humans were they exposed to digitisation? Etc, etc.)

They actually can be digitized -- it's just that the episode showing this has only been aired once. (In the Porygon episode, Ash's team and Team Rocket were sent inside the Pokemon Center teleportation network to stop Team Rocket from gumming it up... Unfortunately, this was the episode that caused the notorious seizures, and it hasn't been aired anywhere in the world since.)

As for the world, I hold to the theory that it's a natural world -- just one where nature is quite capable of defending itself. Cities are small, with long stretches of forest or plains between them, because the creatures that live there tend to defend their homes. (Attempts to, for instance, flood valleys for hydroelectric power tend to draw, for instance, Digletts who'll undermine construction...)

[JamesCat]

Originally posted by ool272
Wow, someone else who knows Avernum. For some reason I found it (well, actually it was Exile, but they're pretty much the same) one of the most compelling CRPGs I've ever played. And I could never get into Baldur's Gate et al.

Exile was great! Fine plot, great dialogue, and fantastic battles - only RPG I've seen which significantly varied each major battle - e.g 'running away from a wall of fire while being attacked by archers,' 'assaulting a castle with other forces'

[s/LaSH]

Originally posted by PenguinZero
They actually can be digitized -- it's just that the episode showing this has only been aired once. (In the Porygon episode, Ash's team and Team Rocket were sent inside the Pokemon Center teleportation network to stop Team Rocket from gumming it up... Unfortunately, this was the episode that caused the notorious seizures, and it hasn't been aired anywhere in the world since.)

Yeah, figured that might be the case. Note that it's one case. Presumably, humans don't digitise themselves too often, or they wouldn't need all the rickety biplanes and zeppelins and so forth to get around the world. I figure there's got to be a cause for that aversion...

[shodan]

Originally posted by s/LaSH
I figure there's got to be a cause for that aversion...

"It's unpleasantly like being drunk."
"What's so bad about being drunk?"
"Ask a glass of water."

[SteveVo8a]

224. Magic always beats technology. That's not to say that you won't need technology sometimes, but if it ever comes down to the two, always bet on magic. Technology will never be able to stop the magic final boss, and it will be up to you to do it aided by magic. Technology that's infused with magic is kind of a toss-up, sometimes it's useful and sometimes it isn't.

[Kaiju]

225: In the future, the only way to open doors is by shooting them. If you didn't bring a gun with you to the bathroom, you'll be stuck in there forever. (Metroid)

[Elbast]

226. An assassin or hitman is in reality a one man army.

[Kaiju]

227: Watching a pyramid-headed zombie rape a manequin while hiding in a closet of an abandoned apartment is kind of fucked up.

[Cessna]

228) Hiding in a closet, only to emerge and shoot enemies in the back, was a common tactic used by the German army in WW2. (MoH: AA)

[Ghola]

Originally posted by Cessna
228) Hiding in a closet, only to emerge and shoot enemies in the back, was a common tactic used by the German army in WW2. (MoH: AA)

229. Except for Hitler, who always attacks while wearing a battlesuit (I'm kickin it old school!).

[YerMum]

Originally posted by Cessna
228) Hiding in a closet, only to emerge and shoot enemies in the back, was a common tactic used by the German army in WW2. (MoH: AA)

230. The germans perfected their personal infantry transport device close to the end of WW2, early experiments resulted in commandos appearing a few inches above the ground and surprising the allied sniper who was using their designated arrival point as a vantage point.

(one of the later missions in MOH I was sniporing from a window overlooking a bridge like any self respecting CS player when I got shot up, turned round and did in the 2 enemies there. because I had heard precisely zero footsteps I waited for a bit. waited a bit more. then 2 more appeared in mid air! woo! great game design there...)

[AWOL Joe]

In World War II (specifically, 1943), the technology existed to produce powered armor, laser rifles, and satellite-mounted death rays (as well as the rockets to get the death ray into orbit). (Silent Storm)

-AWOL Joe

[Argetlamh]

Originally posted by Catterjee
35. All of the world's problems can be solved by finding the right long-haired pretty boy and beating the ever-loving crap out of him.
Originally posted by Leif
...four or five separate times.
And every time you do, he will look more and more like something out of the Italian Renaissance.

[Cessna]

233) Being shot doesn't hurt. It just slows you down or returns you to your base.

[Ghola]

I have run out of witty things to say, so I'll post this and let it speak for me:

The Grand List Of Console Role Playing Game Clichés (http://project-apollo.net/text/rpg.html)

[AtomikDarling]

234.) With the right pockets, you can carry anything, without even so much as an unsightly bulge.

[Cessna]

235) Elite Sooper Kommandoes are either as dumb as bricks or incredibly disciplined. Unless you specifically tell them to shoot an enemy they will lie still, point their weapons, and allow themselves to be shot. (Ghost Recon)

[Greg 1]

(236) A german guard will stand still as you hold him up with your empty pistol, take his ammunition, load the pistol with it, and shoot him dead.

(237) Foreign dictators will threaten to destroy your puny civilization if you do not give them the secret of democracy.

(238) Space is curved, very small, and filled with nothing but a spaceship and some asteroids.

(239) The most powerful martial arts technique is to turn your back on your opponent and then elbow them when they walk up to you.

(240) The stronger a creature is, the further underground it likes to live.

(241) You need gunpowder to build an army of musketeers, but they don't require gunpowder thereafter.

(242) In a martial arts tournament, it is legal to use a weapon, but most fighters find that they are most effective with their bare hands.

(243) A woman can fight as well as a man - but only if she is wearing a thong.

(244) A spaceship may travel infinitely fast - until it is made part of a fleet.

(245) We don't need to worry about the world's resources running out. If oil or coal gets all used up in one place, another supply will suddenly appear somewhere else on the globe.

(246) The Hoover Dam fulfills the entire power needs of every city on the same continent.

(247) If you capture an enemy city and rename it "Stinkyville", the enemy won't change the name back if they recapture the city.

(248) If you send a family to live on a block of land that contains nothing but a telephone, most of the family will wet their pants several times and then leave never to return, but one member will remain forever, living off of pizzas he orders over the telephone.

[Elemental]

Originally posted by Greg 1
(247) If you capture an enemy city and rename it "Stinkyville", the enemy won't change the name back if they recapture the city.


249: If you send a spy to investigate an enemy city, you can have him or her rename it 'Stinkyville', and the inhabitants of the city will continue to use that name from that point on.

Originally posted by Cessna
235) Elite Sooper Kommandoes are either as dumb as bricks or incredibly disciplined. Unless you specifically tell them to shoot an enemy they will lie still, point their weapons, and allow themselves to be shot. (Ghost Recon)

Been there, in Red Alert 2. It's very annoying to find out that while you were doing some stuff on the other side of the map, you super-heavy tank squad was standing still and letting themselves be shot to bits by a squad of Allied laser tanks.

[xoid]

250) The farther you get from your home the more it will cost to stay in an Inn.

[Erstwhile]

251) No matter how many times you've been waylaid in the past, you will always head out from your inn for a stroll through the thief-infested city streets. (Ultima IV)

252) Boulders thrown by treants are, in fact, piercing weapons. (Warcraft III)

[Random Nerd]

253) You can club someone unconscious by hitting them in the, ah, back of their upper thigh.

254) All stealthy burglars wear wooden shoes while on the job.

[Random Nerd]

Oh, and...

255) Your legs and feet are invisible. If you look down, you'll see that you're simply hovering in midair. Also, you cast no shadow.

[ool272]

256. A city can meet all its energy needs by cheaply building permanent waterfalls where no river existed before, and then placing hydroelectric dams on them.

[Cassander]

257) Using the handbrake in your car is an illegal activity. If you so much as touch it whilst stationary, any police nearby will ram your car repeatedly. They will ram their way through parked civilian cars to ram your car. They will ram your car into civilian cars and then get upset by the damage you're doing to property.

257a) Ditto for maps.

(Both experiences of Driver)

[atonal chaotic]

258) State-of-the-art air or space fighter ships can be upgraded and swap out weapon systems on the fly by simply crashing into those weapon systems. (any 2d scrolling shooter)

259) Anyone who can give you useful information about the Voodoo cult will die. (Gabriel Knight)

260) With enough practice at sneaking, you can walk right in front of a Dremora Lord, or past a roomful of guards or townsfolk without being seen. (Morrowind)

261) Monkeys send e-mail to basketball players whenever they're not blasting you with psi. (System Shock 2)

[Cessna]

262) Multi-engine bombers from WW2 had a single crewman, who would run from position to position, in turn flying the plane, aiming the bombsight, and manning the defensive guns...

[shodan]

Originally posted by Cessna
262) Multi-engine bombers from WW2 had a single crewman, who would run from position to position, in turn flying the plane, aiming the bombsight, and manning the defensive guns...

262a (I guess): If you're flying a tiny space fighter, or a bulky cargo transport ship, or even a massive carrier-class starship, the same rule applies. Also, every ship in the universe has the exact same cockpit layout, no matter what race designed the ship. If a race has three compound eyes and five arms, their ships will be easily flown by a human.

263: Your spaceship's autopilot and combat software is more capable than you are, only if you're not actually observing its activities. Otherwise, its behavior is erratic and self-destructive. Must use quantum technology or something....

[Greg 1]

264. Martial artists can never swim. They always immediately drown.

265. Street gangs recruit from large families of identical twins.

266. If the president is ever kidnapped, one should send immediately for a couple of bad dudes from the street to solve the problem.

267. The most powerful martial arts attack is to crouch and then when your opponent walks up to you, stand up while delivering a massive uppercut.

268. Sometimes, after a fight, the winner will go into bizarre spasms over the body of the loser. They are trying to kill the loser with a "fatality" move, but failing because it is too complicated.

[YerMum]

Originally posted by Greg 1
268. Sometimes, after a fight, the winner will go into bizarre spasms over the body of the loser. They are trying to kill the loser with a "fatality" move, but failing because it is too complicated.

LMAO!

268(b): even if the fatality move succeeds, and their opponent has their spine ripped out, they will have fully recovered for the next bout.

[harem_lord]

269. You can only climb walls by bouncing back and forth between two walls (assuming they are close enough together) or if they have ivy growing on them.

[Mr. Analytical]

270) You can survive multiple head on collisions with cars, being shot at with shotguns and drive your car off the roof of a building but if you step in the water you instantly drown.

[Lautrec]

271. Evil people always have British accents.

272. A band of heroes out to save the world always number between 4 and 6 individuals.


-L

[MuscaDomestica]

273: Nanite enhanced special operatives have trouble going up stairs.

274: Someone can carry 4 suits of heavy armor but not have the strength to wear one.

275: You always have an annoying old man following you... even into hell itself.

[Pseudo Nymh]

Originally posted by Lautrec
271. Evil people always have British accents.

Addendum: If you live in America, the same is true of Japanese people, whether or not they are evil.

[Copernicu]

276. Before helping an alleway give birth, make sure to strip your skull. (PS:T)

[Q99]

Originally posted by YerMum
216) Even though the end of the world is nigh (meteor heading for the planet, evil ritual nearly finished, reactor gonna blow etc) there's still time for some pointless sidequest/levelling.

A lot of time. Months and months, even. More time than you've spent since the whole thing with your group started, if nessesary.

[Morte's Items]

Originally posted by Copernicu
276. Before helping an alleway give birth, make sure to strip your skull. (PS:T)

Not needed all of Mortes items will be found on the ground after he is kidnapped

[Cessna]

277. You many be a geneticly engineered super-soldier, but learning how to go prone is beyond you. (HALO)

277(b). So is learning how to take off your helmet.

[Copernicu]

278. If a person is wandering around outside, they will wander around for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Even if it's night out, it's raining, or any other reason a person would have to go inside.

[Greg 1]

279. Before one can become a truly great warrior, one must slay hordes of mice and spiders in order to get combat experience. Then one may move on to fighting mightier foes, like piglets.

[Copernicu]

280. If you're a member in a group where you've known everyone for months and years, and you're suddenly stripped naked - expect to never see anyone in that group as friends ever again.

[Kaiju]

281: If you buy a strip club, the bussiness won't actually produce income until you spend half an hour staring at a stripper. I think it's for tax purposes.

[Cessna]

282. A leading cause of deaths in Vietnam was server crashes. (BVn)

[Kaiju]

283. Never trust a fucking horse.

[Q99]

Originally posted by Copernicu
280. If you're a member in a group where you've known everyone for months and years, and you're suddenly stripped naked - expect to never see anyone in that group as friends ever again.


?

What game is that?

[Fade]

Originally posted by Q99
?

What game is that?

Lots of games. Your friends stripped you naked because they knew you were about to vanish and never see them again. (that is, you're an NPC not the main character and the player took all your equipment away before you left).

[Taerkar]

284. "Ranged Combat" means 50 meters, tops. No matter if you're using bows and arrows, pistols, missiles, or futuristic death lasers.

[Q99]

Originally posted by Fade
Lots of games. Your friends stripped you naked because they knew you were about to vanish and never see them again. (that is, you're an NPC not the main character and the player took all your equipment away before you left).


Ahh yes, I wasn't thinking of other party members.

Also- every time you go on vacation, expect the same if they think you might get new stuff while you're gone.

[passengerpigeon]

285. When you make a new friend, you're allowed to change their name, but only right then.

286. You can modify a gun as many times as you want, even if you're installing a mod you've already installed, and even if that gun is a tiny pistol with a silencer, a laser scope, a recoil brace, a banana clip and a precision barrel.

--p

[Draco Light]

Originally posted by passengerpigeon
286. You can modify a gun as many times as you want, even if you're installing a mod you've already installed, and even if that gun is a tiny pistol with a silencer, a laser scope, a recoil brace, a banana clip and a precision barrel.

286b. ...Unless you're taking something off one gun to add to another. You'll have to completely cannibalize the first to do that.

[passengerpigeon]

Originally posted by Draco Light
286b. ...Unless you're taking something off one gun to add to another. You'll have to completely cannibalize the first to do that.

286c. This includes ammo.

--p

[Quacthulhu]

287. Equipping a side-pack, which contains 2 pockets capable of carrying little more than a beer can each, suddenly enables you to hold an extra Sub-machine gun in your inventory. (Resident Evil 2)

288. If you're a ninja, walking over an item is commiting to compulsively picking that item up. There's no stopping this. The only way to not pick it up is to walk around it. (Tenchu)

289. You can pick up small pots of herbs (that heal you instantly just by eating them), but if you find the herbs in a big long pot that you cannot lift, you are NOT capable of ripping the plants out and pocketing them for later. Also, a small pot of a herb takes up the same space as 512 handgun bullets, in boxes. (Resident Evil 2, again)

290. Pacing guards will pick up a bowl of green (eww) rice if you throw it towards them, with no thought about how the bowl suddenly got there. (Tenchu)

291. No matter how much mayhem and destruction you cause, Police and Military will not set up sharp-shooters to take you down. (GTA: Vice City, and San Andreas as far as i know)

292. When fighting against some sort of enemy in a somewhat tight space, the camera angle will always suck. (lotsa action games)

293. Picking up an important item will almost always trigger some sort of trap or will 'summon' enemies of some sort. (lotsa games)

294. I can revive my team mates any other time they fall dead during battle, but if they die during a movie sequence...forget it. (FF7)

295. You can climb and jump for hours, and not get tired, even though you're carrying an arsenal of 6 guns, with ammo, and a buncha stone artifacts in yoru backpack. You can also tumble around like a tumble weed, and none of those old artifacts will even get a scratch. You can also swim very easily with all the weight on your back. (Tomb Raider)

296. Running through a buncha spikes on the ground, ones that come up to your waste, slowly drains your life. Walking through those same spikes doesn't hurt you one bit. Take one simple jump among them, and you will die the moment your feet reach the earth. (Tomb Raider 2 or 3).

297. There are boxes and then there are explosive boxes. I can destroy the regular boxes by spinning around faster than Linda Blair's head. I can start a 3 second fuse on explosive boxes marked "TNT" in the same way. But if i even so much as breath on green "nitro" boxes, I'm blown to smitherines. (Crash Bandicoot)

298. Sacrificing my own minions either gets me gold, or a new minion. It's a win-win situation! (Dungeon Keeper 2)

299. When I enter a creepy little town, I'm not at all put-off by abandoned cars and the lack of another human being in sight. No, i get worried only once i see blood on the pavement. And instead of running for my life or running towards a pay phone to call the cops, I follow the trail of blood... Then i find a radio that plays only white noise, and instantly decide to take it with me. I come across buildings and store-fronts, there's noody else in the area, and hardly a soul in town, so when i need ammo for my new handgun (which i'm crappy with), I don't bust out the window to get some more. I'm beset by monsters, but i don't steal ammo. And later i find out that a monster that takes 2 whacks with a wooden plank to kill, could also take about 4 bullets to do the same thing. Only farther away. (Silent Hill 2)

and finally, 300. If the chief of police is corrupt beyond measure, he will have all sorts of traps and secret doors and odd relationships between certain items and progressing into a certain part of the police head-quarters. (Resident Evil 2)

[Kevin Mowery]

301. College will last roughly as long as your entire life prior to college, maybe longer.

302. When you're about to die, everything goes red and everyone moves really slow.

303. You can only carry two guns ever.

304. Once you're not in immediate danger of death, your body stops healing.

305. Even if you're completely sealed in a tank or similar vehicle, an enemy officer will be able to tell who's driving just by looking at it.

306. Gigantic stone blocks on dry stone floors are actually not that hard to move, as long as they look slightly different than the immobile ones.

[rayp]

307. <B>Manners maketh the Man</B>. Behaving in a rude, overbearing or boorish way toward others will turn you to the Dark Side. However, wiping out an entire tribe of Sand People (including the women) or poisoning the source of the healing substance the whole Galaxy depends on, won't.

[Aegypto]

308. Every single corridor in military / government facilities has a dark corner or shadowy spot in mid-section you can hide in. (Splinter Cell)

309. Everybody gets jumpy at steps, doors opening and small thumps, but no one will bat an eye at the noise of people being grabbed and beaten unconscious. (Splinter Cell)

310. Outside of brightly lit spots, visual range is limited to two meters (Splinter Cell)

311. Evil Spaniards who enslaved your relatives won't tell you their whereabouts, but will give you half-quarter of a map every time you beat the crap of them. (Pirates!)

312. Sometimes enemies will appear of nowhere, coming from rooms and corridors that were empty when you checked them thirty seconds ago. (too many games)

313. Most doors and windows can't be opened, forced of broken otherwise. Doors which can be opened, however, will be easily identified or get some kind of symbol pointing at them. (too many games)

[BlindSwordsman]

314. You will not jump. At all. Ever. (Perfect Dark).
315. Somehow, your enemies cannot see you through glass windows (Perfect Dark).
316. The headquarters of your secret covert-ops organisation have no bathroom-and the staff stays there...forever.

[Ratoslov]

317a: Food you find on the ground is delicious, nutritious, and a miracle cure for all injuries. A roast chicken can bring you from death's door to full strapping health in an instant.

317b: A small chinese girl can consume a roast chicken in a quarter of a second.

318: A eighty-year-old general who merely kills a hundred men in a battle personally is slacking off.

319: Drinking rice wine during a war is a excellent long-term strategy. Pity that they're hidden in the most unlikely places.

320: If you have the choice between a big man with a spear or a girl with a feather fan as your bodyguard, go for the girl with the fan.

321: Feather fans, flutes, dancer's bonbori, and playing cards are suitable weapons for the generals of a army.

[Afterburner]

322. Futuristic, space-based societies will have mysteriously abandoned -- in whole or in part -- the centralized distribution model of cargo shipping. Cargo shipping will, instead, work on a speculative basis, where independent traders buy goods they hope they can sell at a profit. Despite the obvious economic consequences of such a model, goods with low profitability still get traded, presumably by people who aren't as good at math as you are. And small, remote stations and planets with lousy profit potential still manage to thrive somehow, presumably visited by the traders who aren't as good at math as you are.

323. Futuristic, space-based societies have managed to implement a completely static economy, wholly independent of the laws of supply and demand. Thus, prices for goods remain static, no matter how much or how little of those goods the buyer or seller possesses.

323a. All merchants will by all goods. They may not buy it at a great price, but they WILL buy it.

324. Futuristic, space-based societies will have mysteriously abandoned many of the computerized tracking and identification technologies we enjoy right now in the modern era. Thus allowing fugitive alleged terrorists the ability to travel from planet to planet -- even to the point of docking on military, police, or corporate space stations -- with complete impunity.

325. Likewise, futuristic, space-based societies will have mysteriously abandoned such concepts as "due process" and "innocent until proven guilty." Thus, there is lots of work to be had hunting down and killing criminals on behalf of the military and/or police. Assassinating private citizens on behalf of major corporations is also a perfectly acceptable method of conflict resolution.

326. The military and the police are as dumb as a box of hammers, since they cannot find hidden pirate bases -- bases which you can usually find in 5 minutes or less simply by tracking pirate patrol routes.

327. Planets never rotate around an axis nor revolve around the center of their solar system, thus allowing fixed "trade lanes" to be constructed between them for faster travel times. This also conveniently allows planets to be at the same orbital distance from the system primary as other planets or other stellar objects.

328. Every system will have at least one asteroid/debris/mine/ice field.

329. Money isn't nearly as important to your ability to purchase items as is your arbitrary pilot rating. Even if you are wallowing in credits, no ship merchant will sell you a level 13 ship, weapon system, or defense system if you're only level 12. Not even pirate merchants, who are curiously rigid about following this particular regulation, despite their cavalier disregard of all the others.

330. Obtaining work is as simple as walking up to a complete stranger in a bar and asking "What do you have for me?"

331. Military pilots with years (if not decades) of experience will defer to the judgement of you, a private citizen, on matters of military import.

(all of the above from Freelancer, though some also apply to other space trading/combat games)

[Lautrec]

332. Wild animals in the forest will often drop magical weapons and armor when killed. (WoW and many other MMORPGs)

[Something Else]

333. The best way to get on someone's side in a futuristic space-based society is to go around killing people they don't like until they turn green.

[Elemental]

334a: Female martial artists have incredibly dense muscles. This enables them to perform the same feats of strength and deal the same damage as a 7-foot tall, musclebound male fighter, while maintaining a figure a swimsuit model would be proud of. (most fighting games)

334b: And no matter how skimpy the costume they're wearing, nothing will ever slip out at an awkward moment.

335: Elite mercenary soldiers will be trained how to use all types of weapon, blow up buildings, call in airstrikes, run for miles in full kit, heal themselves in the field, pilot any sort of modern vehicle and hijack helicopters by grabbing the landing skids as it swoops overhead. However, they will drown within five seconds of entering still water. (Mercenaries)

336: While killing or even KO'ing the soldiers of an army will make them think of you poorly, they have no long-term problems with you invading their bases, killing the drivers of their vehicles and driving them off to be sold (Mercenaries).

337: If a nearby alarm goes off, troops will pour out of their barracks to attack you. However, if you destroy the alarm first, the troops will not show up, regardless of how much noise you make, or even if you start shooting the building they're in with a tank's main gun (Mercenaries).

338: If your special attack or summoning requires a minute or more to take effect, don't worry--your enemies will be polite enough to wait until you've finished. (Final Fantasies)

339: Designers of military bases quite often position vital, critical constructions or buildings next to several barrels of high explosives. Troops who had a long time to fortitfy this area have no problem with leaving the barrels next to their gun positions. (Half-Life, Mercenaries).

340: One bullet or 100 will occupy the same space in your inventory, so long as they're all of the same ammo type (Deus Ex, System Shock II)

341: Some types of armour require a minimum strength to be able to use. However, if you find a type of armour you're too weak to use, you can carry it around in your backpack until you become strong enough to put it on. (System Shock 2)

[Afterburner]

342. Humanoid, weapon- and shield-wielding monsters will have their weapons and/or shields crumble to dust upon death. They may, however, have other weapons or shields on their corpse. (Asheron's Call)

343. Metal coins are weightless. (Asheron's Call)

344. Patrolling guards will, in general, not be aware of the patrol routes of other guards, nor will they be aware of how many guards should be nearby. If they wander past a location that should have a guard, but doesn't, they'll assume the guard has nipped off to piss, or get a drink, or boink the chambermaid, or something along those lines. On no account will they sound the alarm due to the guard being missing. (Many games, but particularly Thief.)

[Lautrec]

345. When you're out hunting bears for their fur, you will discover that only 25-50% of the bears you kill are actually wearing furs. The others are apparently furless bears with powerful illusions placed on them to make them look just like normal bears. (World of Warcraft)

[Random Nerd]

346. Sometimes a computer terminal will give some random private citizen who just walked up to it a mission to track down and kill a guy who stole someone's pants.

[Afterburner]

347. Grenades can be thrown underwater the same distance they can be thrown on land.

348. Scientific specialization is for chumps. The team of scientists who analyzed the alien corpse to find out its biochemical secrets is the same team of scientists who will uncover the quantum mechanical mysteries of the alien UFO's propulsion system.

349. Despite the fact that it looks like a gun, is used by alien races as a gun, and has an ejectable clip filled with what are obviously bullets of some kind, alien guns cannot be fired by humans until the gun and the ammo clip are researched seperately by your team of all-purpose scientists.

350. Future soldiers will not be able to move in any position other than a fully upright walk or run. Crawling will be a tactic dimly remembered as something troops did long ago.

351. There is a thriving black market for alien corpses, alien weapons, and other alien artifacts.

352. Civilians are morons and will stand there blithely unmoving as laser fire rains down around them.

353. No matter where the island is, it will have Easter Island heads and palm trees, and will be inhabited exclusively by brown-skinned, potbellied males in Hawaiian-print shorts. Even if the island is in the Bering Strait or off the northern coast of Scotland.

(All from X-Com and/or TFTD.)

[Afterburner]

354. Despite the utter vastness and emptiness of space, encountering other ships -- particularly hostile ships -- is quite common. (Any space trading/combat sim.)

[Agent Calavera]

355. Highly trained commandos are able to hit a target with an smg - if it's less than 10ft away. 50ft for rifles. (Silent Storm)

356. Agents, sentient guardians of the Matrix, are often found carrying womens clothing. (Matrix Online)

357. Despite being able to fly, run at super speeds, jump tall buildings, or teleport great distances, the most efficient method of travel for superheroes is public transportation. (COH)

[DSPaul]

356. Agents, sentient guardians of the Matrix, are often found carrying womens clothing. (Matrix Online)
...You saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, right? :D

[I Love Stupid Stuff]

349. Despite the fact that it looks like a gun, is used by alien races as a gun, and has an ejectable clip filled with what are obviously bullets of some kind, alien guns cannot be fired by humans until the gun and the ammo clip are researched seperately by your team of all-purpose scientists.It will take them several months to do so, despite the fact that they just finished with the pistol that was based on the same technology.

[Mapache]

...You saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, right? :D

"So, Mister Underhill, it seems you lead two lives. In one you are a respectable hobbit. You keep a tidy hobbit hole. You are an esteemed member of Hobbiton. You even... seek to return the one ring to the fires of Mount Doom."

"In your other life, you're an Australian drag queen who goes by the name of 'Priscilla.'"

"One of these lives, Mister Underhill, has a future. One of them... does not."

[Elbast]

No matter how much you want to, there are always going to be people that you'd love to speak to but just can't find a word (Vampire: Bloodlines and many other CRPGs).

No matter how unlikely, be sure to try to combine everything you ever acquire with everything you already have. Sooner or later something entirely unintuitive will click together and allow you to save the day.

[hackmastergeneral]

257) Using the handbrake in your car is an illegal activity. If you so much as touch it whilst stationary, any police nearby will ram your car repeatedly. They will ram their way through parked civilian cars to ram your car. They will ram your car into civilian cars and then get upset by the damage you're doing to property.

257a) Ditto for maps.

(Both experiences of Driver)

Police motto for Driver:

"WE WILL CHOKE THE CRIMINALS WITH THE BODIES OF OUR DEAD!!!!"

"To Serve and Protect" might have been better. Insane Psycho Kamikaze Cops of Driver was one of the funniest things I have ever seen in a video game. They would smash through any and every roadblock to get to you, and crash into your car, and if a tree was in the way, they'd keep smashing at the tree to get to you.

"Damn tree! MOVE! I have to slam into that Jaywalker!"

"I think its almost down sarge, but my back hurts..."

[Raphael75]

from BF2:

358. Shock paddles will revive anyone from any wound, even death (unless they were killed in a vehicle)

359. Shock paddles to any part of the body are equally effective at reviving them - feet, top of the head, genitals, etc.

360. If you are in good health, you can survive getting shot by a .50 calibre M95.

from Europa Universalis 2:

361. Russia ruled half of Ireland in the 1670's

362. The United States had a Royal Marriage with Austria

363. The United States' independence was guaranteed by the Lenape tribe

364. In 1628, France had a Military Alliance with Savoy, the Papal States, Korea, and Mainz

365. In 1487, rebels in Holland defected to Scotland.

365a. Then, in 1491, Holland defected to the Mameluks! This is a well-known part of history...

366. In the early 1600's Austria fought against 14 countries in 4 separate wars all at the same time.

367. In 1561, China entered a military alliance with the Ottoman Empire, Uzbek Kaganate, Khazak Horde, and Chagatai Khanate.

367a. They then joined the ongoing war with this alliance against the Mameluks

368. In 1798, the US and Netherlands entered into a war against Atjeh and Ayutthaya. The US also officially became a Catholic nation, BTW. And had military access through Navarra.

And best of all (from EU2)...

369. In 1540, the Ottoman Empire guaranteed the independence of the Papal States. 19 years later, China did the same thing.

I've got a lot more hilarious ones from EU2.

from Carmageddon TDR2000:

370. You can mount an afterburner on a car and use it under water.

FPS's:

371. if you move along a wall long enough, you may suddenly pass through it to find a hidden room

Medieval Total War:

372: The pope loves building armies made up of nothing but catapults and ballistas

373. The pope is able to have children and his daughters can enter Royal Marriages!

374. After a province has been conquered, the next year if it rebels enormous armies of the most highly elite soldiers available will mysteriously emerge from the defeated population.

375. 16-year-old princes already have long, full beards and are married. Sometimes, they are bald.

Shogun Total War:

376. An 11-year-old Daimyo (faction leader) somehow has managed to lead armies to 8 victories.

[Something Else]

377. The Aztecs spent most of their history at war with the French, invented nuclear fission during the 1500s, and eventually beat the Egyptians to Alpha Centauri.
278. Hitting on the opposite gender is the best way to make them not evil.
279. Future space combat will be exactly like World War II, except with tracking weapons.
280. It is completely non-harmful to shoot people in the knees and arms to disarm them. Usually they can take a few shotgun hits to the chest also, but you must finish them by beating them with a stick. After this, nearby guards will forget you exist within thirty seconds. Also, missing people narrowly with rockets is an effective non-lethal tactic.

[Agrias oaks]

381) You need to gather your party before venturing forth (Any Baldurs gate/icewind dale game)

382) Any sort of population problem, be you undead, orc, human, or the likes can be solved by building more Ziggurats/burrows/farms (warcraft)

[Furious Fish]

(Devil May Cry, among others)
383) Shotgun pellets disperse into harmless mist after travelling three feet through the air.
384) In fact, even the most massively powerful of firearms does paltry damage compared to one swing from a sharp lump of iron.
385) Reloading is for goddamn pansies.

[Olof Jönsson]

386) The biggest city in the world is about the size of a single district in any real city in the ancient times, and has a population of about a hundred people (Morrowind and Oblivion).

387) You have to give people money for them to like you. (Oblivion)

[Elemental]

388: Any weapon can parry any other weapon with ease. Repeatedly blocking a 7ft-long zweihander with a pair of daggers or a bamboo umbrella is perfectly feasible.

389: Your weapon will sometimes spontaneously catch fire or emit electricity during a fight. Don't worry, that just means the attack will be really effective. (Soul Calibur 2 & 3)

390: Frequently when you knock somebody out, they will immediately jump to their feet, and then promptly fall over again (Mortal Kombat: Deception).

391: You must fight everyone. Even if you're asking that person for help, or they're your faithful ally or beloved sibling, it will be necessary to beat them into a pulp before they will do what you want (just about every fighting game with a story mode). But don't worry, they'll never hold this against you.

[O'Borg]

392 : There is No such thing as Metal Fatigue - Vehicles, weapons and armour can sustain up to 99% damage, but the remaining 1% can be easily repaired to full service with no functional or even cosmetic traces of the damage it has sustained in the past.

[3lobed]

Space fleet commanders are maniacs for discipline: if your manoeuvres take you even a couple of dozen metres too far away from the enemy, they'll execute you by remote-detonating your starfighter seconds after giving you your one warning. They will do this even if you're the hero who just chewed up ten times your weight in enemy fighters, then single-handedly wiped out the enemy frigate defences and blew their capital ship half to pieces. (Star Wars Battlefront II)

[Ratoslov]

N)You can move much faster wearing three pairs of shoes.

N+1) You can hit much better with three pairs of glasses on.

N+2) You can wear three suits of the same armor to improve your defense without any repurcussions.

[Petter Wäss]

160. The age of modern warfare began in 1790, when the Zulu nation developed atomic weapons.

What the? Can someone explain this please?

[Ratoslov]

What the? Can someone explain this please?

Dude's talking about Civilization, where it's entirely feasible to play the Zulus and race up the tech tree so that by the time the game-clock says it's 1790, you have nukes. (And everyone else, presumably, has muskets. It's going to be a short game.)

[Requiem_17_23]

Cybernetic implants make one capable of hiding literally hundreds of rounds of ammunition, rockets, and tanks of napalm well enough to evade a full-body search, but not do the same with a single solitary weapon. (Deus Ex).