[Actual Play: Buffy] The Watch House Season 3

[Craig Oxbrow]

(The Watch House is a series concerning Watchers in training at King's College, Cambridge. Season One begins here (http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?threadid=84440) and Season Two here (http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?postid=1988746#post1988746).)

The Watch House 3.01: New Blood

Jake: psychic, plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training, starting to make his own way

(absent)
Andy: easy-going hereditary lycanthrope

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor

Emma: Jake's ex, a somewhat capable spellcaster

--
A train pulls in to Cambridge by night, brakes screeching and echoing across the near-deserted platform. Dozens of young people step out, looking around, following signs to the exits and the taxi racks. A handful head for telephone booths and lavatories. The crowd thins and disperses, leaving the station silent again.

One backpacking student steps out of the bathroom, looking around the gloomy station... and a vampire snarls as it skulks towards her. Then it pauses and looks over as someone standing in the shadows snaps open a lighter and lights a cigarette.

Jake: Disgusting habit...

He throws the lighter at the vampire. It swoops towards it, opens mid-flight, twists around in the air and shoots a gout of flame into the vamp's face. The lighter flies back into Jake's hand after the vampire has burned to nothing, and he steps out. The backpacker looks around briefly, spots him and smiles.

Backpacker: Uh, hi, I'm going to King's College, do you know the way?
Jake: Yeah, head down the main street...

The route he describes isn't a shortcut, but keeps to well-lit main roads.

William groans as he sets down the last of Charlotte's bags by her bed.

Charlotte: Thanks for your help. I guess you've got to check in as well?
William: Yeah, I suppose so.
Charlotte: See you afterwards?
William: Sure.

Andy pads through the corridors, dragging a trolley of bags. The wheel snags on the rim of the door, and his eyes briefly flash golden as he grits his teeth and pulls the trolley inside.

Emma sits on the bench outside Escher's office, watching the door. She looks up as Jake approaches, smiling softly, sadly.

Emma: Hi. Um... how was your summer?
Jake: Oh... it was fine. Quiet.
Emma: Yeah. Mine too. This is everyone, I guess... (frowns)
Jake: Everyone that's left...
Emma: Yeah... we should probably check in.

Jake knocks, and before long the door opens. Escher smiles slightly and waves them all in. Emma pats his shoulder lightly.

Looking around, the group note two unfamiliar satchels sitting on the main desk.

Escher: Everyone... the first year class.
Jake: (Under his breath) Freshers... we're gonna die.

CREDITS!

Theme: Ash, Evil Eye

The full moon over Cambridge, behind the tower of King's College Chapel (http://www.kings.cam.ac.uk/chapel/gallery/).

The Watch House

James McAvoy (http://www.jamesmcavoy.com/albums/album02/nd_3.sized.jpg) as Jake - spinning a sword, gritting his teeth as a stake floats above his hand and flies away, playing his guitar

Mark Hamilton (http://www.esatclear.ie/~ash/TMB-Mark1.jpg) as William Grove - flicking through an ancient tome, adjusting a taser, hefting his axe

Hans Matheson (http://uhms.thathughsongirl.com/CIHeadshot.jpg) as Andy Sampson - charging with a baseball bat, howling at the moon, briefly glimpsed in werewolf form

Vampires and demons charging, a swirling black and purple tear hanging in mid-air, hands bursting out of the ground

Monica Keena (http://www.monica-keena.com/images/ud/02.jpg) as Natalie Derby-Moore - firing a crossbow, kicking a demon in the face, smirking

Gabriel Thomson (http://www.ycdtotv.de/mf_img/b9_069.jpg) as Matthew Fairweather - looking nervous, raising a torch, throwing a punch

Laura Fraser (http://www.miranda-richardson.com/laurafraser/lfapril2004.jpg) as Emma Radcliffe - raising her hands in warding, looking thoughtful

And
Alfred Molina (http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/columbia_pictures/identity/alfred_molina/identity.jpg) as Michael Escher - loading a crossbow, glaring

Vampires, demons, gravestones, skulls, sinister rituals, strange flashes of intense light, bodies being flung through the air, the full moon again, and the show logo and the 'call to arms' shot of the Watch loading up and striding purposely in slow-motion towards the camera...

Created by Oxbrow, Tobin, Windmill, Robertson, Prentice, Neil, Dizzy, McCraw, McIntyre and Darlington

[Craig Oxbrow]

A bespectacled boy in sweater and college scarf, and a fair-haired girl in blouse, jeans and stout walking shoes.

Escher: William Grove, Emily Radcliffe, Jackson Deville, Andrew Sampson - Matthew Fairweather and Natalie Derby-Moore.
Natalie: Of the Aylesbury Derby-Moores.
Matthew: Tcch.

She glances at him, he looks at the desk.

Escher: They will be studying, learning, observing patrols.
William: (casually) So, back to patrolling then...
Natalie: (excitedly) Patrolling?
Emma: (groans) My favourite part...
Jake: (groans) It's good to be home...

Natalie: So, who are you people?
William: Who are we?
Natalie: Well, I know you, but...
Jake:...
William: Oh, we're the Watchers.

Natalie nods, apparently satisfied. Matthew wanders off to resume looking at the stacks.

Emma: So what did you guys do over the summer?
William: Stayed with my family. My family's not very exciting.
Jake: (quietly) At least you got one.
William: Er... so we spent a fortnight at the lakes.
Emma: You and Charlotte?
William. Yeah. That was nice.

Jake: So, what have we missed?
Escher: Not much, thankfully.
Jake: Keeping tabs on Ziggy's family?
Escher: We were supposed to be. They vanished after a few days.
Jake: That Watcher skill again.
Escher: Quite.

William: So, can the new recruits fire a crossbow?
Jake: Take 'em down to the practice room and see.
William: Show 'em all our cool weapons.
Escher: Here's the key.

The practice room hasn't been used since June. The targets are draped with dust sheets. Jake pauses on the threshold, listening to the echoes of the last time he was here, then presses on inside.

Natalie: Good space. Lots of room to run in.
Jake: Yeah...

William: Now, crossbows, and -
Natalie: Are these repeating crossbows? I'm mostly used to using sporting bows, but I imagine these are more practical in the field.
William: Uh, yes.
Natalie: Hard to conceal though, of course.
William: Yes, and we also have melee weapons. Combat does get a little too close sometimes.
Matthew: Oh, good...

Jake throws Matthew a fencing foil. He manages to catch it before it hits the floor.

Jake: We don't tend to bother with masks. They're a little conspicuous. I mean, we could probably find one...
William: I think they're behind the hand axes... have to blow the dust off...
Matthew: (warily) No, no, that's fine.

He takes up a competition-perfect fencing position, one hand behind his back, drops his foil, starts to salute - and Jake jabs him in the ribs.

Matthew: Hey!
Jake: It's all very well in here but don't go saluting vampires. Cross that off your list right now.
Matthew: Hm. What else?
Jake: They're stronger, faster -

Matthew yells and charges. Jake ducks away and kicks Mathew's legs from under him.

Jake: - And don't let them know you're coming.
Matthew: Screaming, not a good idea.
Jake: They're faster and stronger than you are, and they like to hear people scream.
William: Although it can be helpful if we're on patrol and you're attacked while out of sight.
Natalie: So have you slain a lot of vampires?
Jake: Well -
William: Don't worry. We haven't seen any for a while.

Jake says nothing about his encounter the night before.

Jake: In the Shield it's fine.
Matthew: Of course it doesn't keep everything out.
Jake: Well, no. But it'll let you sleep at night.

He hands Natalie a crossbow. She tests the weight, nocks a bolt, turns, and fires into the centre of a target.

Natalie: Not bad.
Jake: From a standing target at twenty feet.
William: It's a little different against a charging demon.
Natalie: Well, that's what we're here to learn.
Matthew: (quietly) I'm here to learn geography...

Natalie gives him a look, and he takes the crossbow... aims... adjusts his glasses... aims again and fires, hitting near the centre.

William: You might have to fire a bit faster than that if things start happening out on patrol.
Jake: If things start happening out on patrol, stay back.
William: Was that "out on patrol" or "out of control"?
Jake: On patrol.
Emma: I heard out of control too...
William: But, anyway, most patrols are somewhat uneventful.
Matthew: (unreassured) Good...
Jake: Don't feel like you have to go. There's plenty to do here.
Matthew: No, we kind of do have to go...

Natalie nods curtly. Matthew looks at his shoes. She goes to look at the selection of weapons and he trudges after her. Jake watches them go, brow furrowed.

Jake: Babysitting them both at the same time?
William: Oh, what's the worst that c-

Emma quickly puts a hand over William's mouth before he can finish that sentence.

William: Sorry.
Emma grins.
Jake: I guess we're out tonight. (to William) In the meantime, find some book thing for Matthew. Coming from you it'll seem useful.

They nod, and head back to the office.

Natalie: So do we go into battle a lot?
William: We have quite often -
Matthew: (nervously) Often?
Jake: Often's too strong.
William: Sometimes we have been known to... er... read up. In the event that something bad - in case something happens.
Jake: Check out the local fauna and flora. Read William's reports...
William: And leave some of the magic books alone.
Matthew: Magic books?
William: They're mostly in Mister Escher's locked collection, of course.
Natalie: Gosh. So will we be going patrolling?
Jake: Once it gets dark.
Natalie: Oh. (looks out the window) Right.
William: Well, we could go now but it'd be rather uneventful.
Matthew: I don't mind -
Natalie: We'll be ready in a couple of hours then.

Once the freshers are out of the way:

Jake: We are so screwed.
Emma: She seems enthusiastic... (ponders) is that good?
Jake: I hope so.

They share a look as they head back to their rooms to unpack, and in William's case to help Charlotte unpack.

CUT!

[SteveD]

Oooh, can I get transcripts sent to my work again?

[Craig Oxbrow]

Two hours later, on the dot, Natalie leads Matthew back to the office. They're kitted out for action - well, he's kitted out for orienteering really. Escher shares a look with William, Jake and Emma.

William: Well, what do you guys want to take?

Matthew clasps a stake tightly, and a cross hangs down his front.

Matthew: I, ah, understood we'd be going along in an observational capacity -
Natalie: Can I have a shortsword?
Jake: Just stay at the back, okay guys?
Matthew: Well, not the back exactly? Can we have someone behind us?
Jake: Right, stay in the middle...
Natalie: Can I have something concealable? I mean, more than a composite bow.

She mimes firing a longbow.

William: Well, yes. English longbows are a little outdated, even for our traditions...
Jake: I hear they use them in Oxford, but that's probably just the rumour mill.
Natalie: Um, well, anyway. Do we get a map? Or do we frown on maps?
Jake: We don't want to be too predictable.
Matthew: And do we patrol inside the Shield or, er... outside?
Jake: What would be the point of patrolling inside the Shielded area?
Matthew: Well, it doesn't cover everything, and, er...
Jake: It'll be fine. Don't point that thing at me.

He gently moves the point of Matthew's tightly-held stake to the side.

Matthew: Sorry.
Jake: Ever used one?
Matthew: Of course... (quietly) On a practice dummy.
Jake: Well, there are two ways to use it. Overhand like this, through the ribcage. Or underhand like this, through the soft part under the ribs.

Matthew duly nods and looks appalled. Natalie tuts.

Natalie: We did graduate from the Watchers' Academy, you know.

Jake shakes his head and walks off in a random direction.

Natalie: Why that way?
Emma: Why not?
William: Because that's the way.
Jake: As long as we cover the whole are in a week...

Natalie and Matthew hurry and trudge after respectively.

William: We can't let them straggle. They'll end up in some pub.
Emma: That'd be bad. It's all a question of when they end up in the pub.
Jake: It'd help if we had vampire detectors. Y'know, glowy things.
William: So they can see us coming?
Jake: Not that glowy. Like Zig... (trails off)
Emma: Yeah, well...

The three of them lapse into silence. William adjusts the sight on his crossbow. Jake speaks up a little too quickly.

Jake: They can smell us anyway. Even without Jack here.

Will and Em smile. Em looks back and beckons the freshers to hurry up.

And then four veiny, sallow-skinned demons charge around the corner.

Jake fires his crossbow first, asks questions later. The lead monster takes a shot in the heart and flinches.

Jake: What are they?
William: Could be a... no, they're found much further south...
Jake: Dude, stop thinkin' about it and fight!

A bolt through the (glowing green) eye drops one of them.

Natalie: Take that!
Matthew: Uh... uh...
Jake: Anybody wanna pipe up?
Matthew: Uh... probably not a Trivlos...

Emma tuts and raises a hand, slamming two of them back with a wall of force, away from Matthew as he adjusts his glasses and tries to draw a bead on the probably-not-a-Trivlos.

Matthew: They can't abide the cold, which isn't very hel-WAHA!

One of them lurches forwards, dodging a sword swing from Jake, dodging into William's axe.

Emma: The dead ones are starting to melt. Oh, guys, don't step in the goo.

Matthew blanches and looks at the ground. Jake grabs his crossbow and fires it into the last demon's mouth. It starts to liquefy as well.

Matthew: Good God.
Natalie: Smells like someone let one off in the chemistry lab.
Matthew: Judging by the dispersal, they're probably Etruscan Havlos. A related subspecies. They don't mind the cold as much, but this is still pretty far north for them.
Jake: Hang on.

He retrieves a single solid item from the steaming mass of yellow goop - a pewter signet ring marked with a black circle lined in red.

Emma: What is it?
Jake: I doubt it's the eye of Sauron. Any ideas?
William: Take it back to the office and see?
Jake: Might be a homing device. Not that I'm being paranoid about that or anything.
Emma: Oh, no, of course.
William: It's a healthy paranoia.

Jake sketches the symbol then puts the ring down.

Jake: See if you can smash it. Just in case.

William hefts his axe. The ring smashes into itty-bitty pieces.

Jake: Just checking.
William: And here I was worried it'd damage my axe. Like last time...
Matthew: Last time?
Jake: Long story.
William: Vitrified Hanelorga skull.
Matthew: Ahh, I see.
Jake: Well, that's the short version.

A closeup of the ring - on another hand, clawed, sallow with bruise-black veins.

Demon: The Watchers are weak, broken. The warrior is slain, the warlock gone. Their heart and soul are lost to them. And now they must guard the children in their midst.

We pan up to a face literally pockmarked with stubby horns. The demon sneers as he continues.

Demon: Which they will fail.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Escher looks at the sketched symbol.

Escher: Hmm.
Jake: It always lifts my spirits when he says hmm like that. I just want to skip around the room...

Jake heads out for a smoke.

Escher: It could be the mark of the Black Sun... or the Blood Sun... or the Blood Moon... probably not the Night Sun... there really aren't enough ominous signs that can easily fit onto a signet ring... I'll draw up a list, you can all help to research the cults in question. In the meantime, keep an eye out for more of these things.
William: I think Matthew might need something a bit more effective than a stake, then.
Jake: Want to give him...?
William: He's not bad with a foil. Of course, a foil is bloody useless... (ponders) assuming it wasn't modified to shoot bolts of electricity... Hmm...
Jake: Remind me to bring that mobile Faraday cage with me next time we patrol.
Emma: Pub?
William: Well, it is traditional.
Emma: Should we bring them?

She looks over at Matthew and Natalie, both looking up attentively at the mention of the pub.

The Brody is already coming back to life. Tessa and Rachel greet familiar faces at the bar. Sophie and Lawrence still aren't talking to each other. Blur's Tender plays in the background.

Jake: I'll get a round in. What does anyone want? Usual? Matthew, Natalie?
Natalie: Just an orange juice.
Matthew: I... (looks at Nat, sinks into his seat) orange juice too.
Jake: It's okay, you can have something else.
Matthew: Um... can I get a beer? (carefully avoids looking at Natalie)
Natalie: Well then, I'll have a vodka and orange. (cocks a snook at Matt)

Tessa smiles cheerily as Jake approaches.

Tessa: Hi, how was your summer?
Jake: Oh, it was... quiet.
Tessa: We solved a murder!
Jake: Uh... what?
Tessa: (nods) Crazy mad scientist and everything. Put our journalism courses to good use.
Jake: Uh... right... (blinks) Well... less of that here.
Tessa: Oh, yeah.

Jake returns to the booth, not sure if she was joking.

Natalie: ... the Classics Society, of course. Apparently it has a second-year President after the last fella dropped out. Need to keep my Latin up. And Archery, naturally, and the pony club goes without saying.
William: Right... got a pony yourself?
Natalie: Her name's Star...

Jake: Haven't seen the rugby club yet.

He looks around, and spots Michelle hustling Matt and Alan of the Society for Psychical Research at the pool table.

Michelle: Hiya. Glad to be back?
Jake: We'll see.
Michelle: Haven't seen Jack have ya?
Jake: Trying to avoid him. I imagine you are too?
Michelle: Oh yeah.

Will joins them at the pool table.

William: So did you guys find anything, ahem, haunted over the summer?
Alan: Oh, we found a very promising sight. It has a cold spot on the landing!
Jake: A... cold spot.
Alan: The temperature varies by about three degrees!
Matt: Centigrade, of course.
Jake: Near a window, is it?
Alan: No!
Matt: And half the pictures came out with spheres!
William: Spheres...
Matt: You know, inexplicable white dots!
Jake: Like you messed up the exposure.
Alan: (defensively) Well, like that, yes...

Jake shakes his head and steps out to get some air. He looks over the familiar faces in the pub, thinks about the familiar faces that aren't there. Emma watches him go, almost hiding a frown as she turns back to the freshers. He heads over to see Andy, finding him staring at his PlayStation.

Jake: Some sorta demon frat boys in town. And Watcher freshers.
Andy: Sorry I missed that. I was... umm... busy.

William waves to Charlotte as she enters, and gets up to greet her.

Matthew: Who's she? Another Prentice?
William: No, she very much isn't.
Natalie: A civilian?

She seems puzzled by this concept. Matthew shrugs and takes this opportunity to go and play darts. Natalie joins him and promptly trounces him.

Charlotte: So, all checked in and all, and all?
William: Yeah. I saw a few of the freshers too. All new and... stuff.
Charlotte: We're like grownups now. Kind of.
William: Yeah... wanna rent a movie and eat popcorn?
Charlotte: Cool!

Next morning, the group reconvene at the office.

Jake: So, have you found The Cult Of The Black Circle With The Red Circle Round It yet?
Escher: I've isolated a few possibilities. I've ruled out the Black Sun, and a group annihilated by the Black Moon...
Jake: Hostile buyout?
William: Obviously they really liked the symbol.
Escher: We found three groups that might be reasonably local and that might use Havlos.

He hands one of three files to Matthew, a second to Natalie.

Jake: Since we know they're active, we can't let them get too close to the middle of civilisation... not that Cambridge isn't in the middle of civilisation...
Natalie: Why here, then?
William: We tend to draw them to us...
Matthew: That's reassuring.
William: And Jack's not around, so no smell to drive them away.
Jake: Not so much cannon fodder, either.

He looks sidelong at Matthew, who very quickly starts reading, and smirks. As the new bugs read, the others step outside.

William: Emma, you and Natalie can talk about leads.
Jake: Take her under your wing a bit. Round the edges off.
Emma: Hm?
Jake: She's a bit... square.
Emma: If she takes me riding I'm takin' you with me.
Jake: (smirks) Oh yeah, that's gonna happen.

Matthew: Aha! Here we are. The Sect of the Eye of the Night, worshippers of Darokin the Shadow.

Natalie looks up, blinks, mouth hanging open.

Natalie: Darokin? The cult of Darokin?
William: Yes...
Natalie: (quietly) Oh dear.
Jake: What's goin' on?

Natalie pouts slightly, looking flustered.

Jake: Anything you want to tell the class?
Natalie: Well, erm, Darokin of the Burning Eye was a Trivlos demon seer. He formed a cult in the Sixteenth Century which we - the Watchers fought with on and off until we killed him and wiped the other leaders out in 1836. June. Anyway, the survivors pledged death for the descendants of the Watcher who lead the charge.
Jake: And that would be...
Natalie: Harold Derby. Before his son Henry married Juliet Moore. But, but father assured me they were all dead. They haven't tried to kill any of us since the War...

The second-years share a look.

William: Dead is kind of a loose term in our profession.
Jake: Yeah, if he'd said dusted we might rely on that.

And meanwhile, in a large, dark room, robed figures walk widdershins around a small fire, chanting in Etruscan...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake: So, what are the weaknesses or these demons?
Escher: Well, there's the cold. The Trivlos hibernate in winter.
Jake: So they're summoned. Or they're tourists.
William: Maybe I can build a freeze ray... hmm, suppose I don't have time... a dry ice catapult?
Matthew: You build things a lot?
William: I made a lightning gun once. Kinda got exploded by this evil guy.
Matthew: Maybe something less ambitious then?
Jake: A bucket of ice?
William: Some cold beers!... (ponders) Cans... liquid nitrogen... hmm...

Jake: They'd have to have somewhere warm. And they probably don't mind the bills.
Escher: Places large enough to have furnaces and boilers.
Jake: That's most of the colleges. Hospitals, schools...
Escher: Hotels...
Jake: Have you got the map?

Spreading out the large map of the city, annotated with the radius of the Shield and other points of interest, Jake taps the street the Havlos attacked them on.

Jake: What's nearby?
Escher: Hmm... the Crown Hotel. Currently closed for renovations. Two streets along.
Jake: That's handy.
William: I'm just off to borrow the thermal imaging goggles. Then I'm going to the lab.
Jake: Gonna make up some fizz bombs?

William nods as he goes. The group split up to equip.

Escher: Now, this is just reconnaissance. If there's something there, assess the situation before confronting it.
Matthew: Reconnaissance. Right.
Natalie: Absolutely.

William returns carrying thermal goggles, thick padded gauntlets and a black box with a digital thermometer display. He sets it down on the table with a heavy clunk.

Emma: That's in no way intimidating.
Jake: You put that together this afternoon?
William: (shrugs) Just grabbed some stuff from the chem lab.
Jake: It's not flammable is it? (lights a cigarette)

Will opens the box, and reveals three heavy glass flasks held in packing foam. Jake nods. Emma looks nervous.

Jake: You guys up for this?
Natalie: Absolutely!
Matthew: ...
Jake: You don't have to if you don't want to.
Matthew: Right!

Natalie gives him a look.

Matthew: ... But I suppose I'm here to learn.
William: Researching their motivations may be more useful.

Matthew looks to Natalie and shrugs slightly.

Emma stands up and gets ready to go. Jake turns to her.

Jake: You don't have to come either. We're just doing recon.
Emma: I know what recon's like. I'll get my coat.

William: That makes five.
Jake: Is he coming anyway?
William: Yeah...

The group reach the site and look around. No major security except a video camera watching the workmen's Portakabin. William puts on the huge thermal vision goggles as surreptitiously as possible. No major heat sources above ground. Jake leads the way sneaking inside, where Will notes that the floor is slightly warm.

Jake: Of course we did the proper reconnaissance. We know how many doors there are, how many stairs down, how big the basement is...
Emma: Of course!
William: We always do!

William duly unfolds a floorplan. Jake covers his surprise.

Jake: See?
William: Right, the basement's over here. The furnace's flue is here...
Jake: Could we drop one of your bombs down into the furnace? It'd announce our presence but... it'd be fun.
Matthew: I thought we were just here to look.
William: Matthew, you want to check with these? (offers him the goggles, points to the basement door)
Matthew: Uh... I could look...

Jake goes and looks, then waves William up. Down below, he notes three robed figures chanting, and more Havlos demons lurking in the shadows.

Jake: Latin of the chanting variety. You listen. Gimme one of those things.
William: Remember to use the glove.

Jake nods, takes the glove, and while William's looking away he uses telekinesis to lift the glass globe out of the box and send it on its way into the fire.

William: No, it's... I think it's Etruscan. I'm a little rusty. Something shadow, something fire...

And the chanting is interrupted by yelling as William, using the other glove, throws the second nitrogen bomb into the now charging mass of demons.

Jake: Everybody ready!
Matthew: No?

There's crashing, the hissing of liquid nitrogen hitting fires and splashing onto warm demony flesh, a gurgling noise from the most vocal of the robed demons as it tries to move its flash-frozen arm...

Jake: Don't struggle too much, your arm'll fall off.

The still-functioning demons charge up the stairs. Emma makes a forceful open-handed gesture and the three nearest go toppling back down. William fires his crossbow into a second robed demon's hood. Matthew aims, adjusts his glasses, aims again...

Jake: (sarcasm) Take your time...
Matthew: (ditto) Oh yeah, because pressure really helps...

To prove a point he fires, and gets a demon in the thigh.

William: (encouragingly) Well, you hit it. That's good.

Jake drops his crossbow and takes up his sword. The leader of the charging pack deflects his blow with its arm. But this leaves it open for a swing by William's axe and a jab from Natalie's dagger. Behind them, the surviving robed demon runs over to the furnace, opens it up... and sticks its head in.

Demon: Darokin, take meeeeeaaaaaggghhhh!

The group share a look.

It stumbles back, its head on fire, its burning body tearing out of its robe. It points a fiery claw at Natalie.

Darokin: Now you buuuurn...

Natalie whimpers. And opens the box.

Jake levitates the remaining bomb upside its head. It solidifies like lava cracking underwater.

The remaining demons howl as they charge. Matthew clubs one with his crossbow, firing it into its face. Natalie hacks across another's chest. Jake runs the last through.

Having despatched the survivors, they warily approach the smoking immobile thing as its still-burning eyes glare at them. William retrieves his insulated glove and prods it.

Jake: Not looking so hot now, are you?
Emma: Groan.
Jake: (grins) Sorry. Had to say it.

He lights a smoke off Darokin's outstretched finger and turns to Natalie.

Jake: So, want to uphold the family tradition?

Natalie nods as William offers her his axe.

Jake: We find it better if you sing while you work.
William: Ah, the Lumberjack Song. Brings back good memories...
Jake: (thoughtful) Yeah...
Matthew: (deadpan) I didn't know I'd joined Footlights.
Natalie: (enthusiastic) Ooh, I should join Footlights too!

Natalie shatters Darokin with a single blow to the head. And we cut to her on the phone, pacing around the office.

Natalie: Daddy, I swear, it was the cult of Darokin. It was, in fact, Darokin himself! You assured me - you assured me this whole group was dead. Which they weren't. I'm not happy. Well, yes, they are all dead now, but that's really not the point, daddy! - No it's not!

And we pull back from Natalie pacing, to Matthew watching her pace, to Escher shaking his head and going back to his book, to Emma smirking at the freshers and looking sidelong at Jake, to Jake half-smiling and William grinning as he goes back to reading.

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Escher V/O: Next time on The Watch House:

Natalie pointing and Matthew trudging after her dejectedly.

Charlotte wincing in sympathy as she gently touches a dark bruise on William's cheek.

Emma looking worried as she looks out from the wings of a stage.

Jake waving to the crowd at a fair-sized gig venue (not the Basement).

Three vampires on the balcony overlooking the stage, grinning...

Escher V/O: The next episode of The Watch House is Play Dead.

--

DVD Commentary

Craig: New season, new cast, no new writing staff, one of my producers off running his own show, one of my writers missing the jam session. Still, I think it turned out fun. I'm worried I had to rely on the supporting cast too much, but we've established the shape of the new season already.

(Matthew backs down as Natalie looks at him)
Craig: I wasn't sure how the dynamic was going to work here, but I think they're a fun double act.

[Craig Oxbrow]

Oooh, can I get transcripts sent to my work again?
I'll think about it. :D

[Varyar]

Sweet! New blood.

I love the William and Natalie interaction. They're definitely quite the pair.

I can't wait to see things progress.

[Joe Dizzy]

That was quite cool. Makes me all nostalgic and stuff.

Maybe one day I will also be able to put together a regular gaming group that isn't about to fall apart due to scheduling conflicts after only two sessions.

Natalie and Mathew are quite a fun. They have a very strong Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley vibe to them. I'm curious just how far Matthew's hapless geek shtick will go.

Keep 'em coming.

[Coffee_Lifeform]

I love the William and Natalie interaction. They're definitely quite the pair.


Do you mean Matthew and Natalie there?

[Varyar]

Do you mean Matthew and Natalie there?

:o Oops. Yeah. That's what comes from posting early in the morning.



relatively early

[Craig Oxbrow]

:o Oops. Yeah. That's what comes from posting early in the morning.



relatively early
Bah. I'd been up for hours.

(Damn telemarketers.)

[sasori]

I'll think about it. :D

There'd have to be regular transcripts first! ;)

[Varyar]

Bah. I'd been up for hours.

/me points out that you're in GMT.

(Damn telemarketers.)

Ack. What a way to wake up on Sunday.

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.02: Play Dead

(thanks to OneSmallGod on Eden's Buffy RPG forum for the idea)

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Matthew: bookish Prentice fresher
Natalie: horsy Prentice fresher
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend

--

We open on moonlight reflected in the river Cam. Disrupted as Andy goes headfirst into the water.

Five tall, slender figures chuckle throatily as a sixth turns back to the group after throwing him in, pinkish-white eyes blazing in the dark.

Tall Demon: That all you got, little Watchers?
Jake: Hardly.

And with that, he fires a crossbow into the speaker's mouth, then kicks it into the river.

Andy: Hey, you know how "The Werewolf" goes?
Tall Demon 2: Huh?
Andy: Something like this.

Tall Demon 2 is duly rent in twain, which it seems not to enjoy. Tall Demon 3 looks down at the red dot glowing on its chest, then the crossbow bolt protruding where that was as William reloads. Matthew aims warily. Natalie charges forwards with a croquet mallet. Andy struggles towards the shore, as the dying demon tries to drag him under.

Emma: We should really check on him.
William: What? He's wet, is all.

Matthew loses his aim as the fourth demon surges forwards and punches Jake in the gut, knocking him off his feet. The fifth kicks William over. Natalie clubs it between the legs. Jake flings his sword into the looming demon's chest. William leaps up and lunges with his axe.

William: Die, you evil demon! Yaaaaagh!

The demon rather wisely steps away from that swing. Matthew retreats as he tries to draw a dagger, while Natalie runs into the fray - and gets knocked aside. Matthew charges forward to cover her, jabbing at the demon. Then Jake blindsides it and skewers it, and William stumbles over.

William: Let's try that again...

The demon's head rolls down the riverbank, barely missing Andy as he holds the last of them under. It bubbles and dissolves, and he quickly gets out of the river, shaking water off his hands.

Andy: Eeeeuggh!
William: C'mon Andy.
Andy: Buh-bloody hell that's cold.
William: At least you got a soft landing this time.
Andy: What were those guys after?
William: A fight, apparently. Duerlags. Basic marauding types.
Matthew: So, these things just come and hassle us because we're there?
Jake: Well, if they weren't fighting us they'd be able to attack everyone else. We stand in the way.
Andy: Plus, we go looking for trouble.
Matthew: Well... well... why couldn't we study Prenticeship by correspondence course?
Natalie: Oh, come on Matthew.
Matthew: (sighs) Right.

Their elders watch the freshers depart, and share a look.

Andy: So anything coming up this week?
Jake: Got a gig.
Andy: What, a real gig? Congratulations.
Jake: Well, it's fifty quid for the entire band... but yeah. A real gig.

And we cut to a stack of flyers advertising the gig. And someone picking one up, and grinning. Fangs glittering in the darkness...

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

And we cut to a flyer again. The camera revolves from a vampire holding it, to the flyer itself, then back - to reveal Charlotte looking at it, sitting on her bed, in broad daylight (in case anyone was wondering if this was just a jumpcut - which it is).

Charlotte: So this is Jake's band, right?
William: Right.
Charlotte: That's the name they settled on?
William: Think they've changed it again.
Charlotte: So can you get us in for free? (grin)
William: I'll talk to Jake, if you want to go...
Charlotte: Sure. I mean, I'd like to know your friends better. Your friends in that special section of the History Society which I am not a member of.

And she gives him a suspicious look.

William: Er, well... some of them should be there...

And there's another flyer on the noticeboard at the Brody. Which is heaving. Rachel hides behind Tessa as the bar is swamped three rows deep with freshers. Jake sighs as he looks over the bar.

Andy: I dunno, you're sitting quietly having a drink when a pub crawl goes by. They occupy the bar for twenty minutes, take over the jukebox, then vanish, and you're like "what happened?"
Jake: Find another bar?
Emma: We'd lose our booth. I mean, it has so many memories. We were threatened by vampires there, attacked by crazy anger-spell people, it was bugged to monitor our... yeah, maybe find another bar...
Andy: Fear not, I have a plan. (heads into the fray)
Emma: I fear his plans...

Natalie chatters away as the group convenes. Matthew looks up from a copy of 2000AD.

Natalie: So apparently the Classics Society exec all failed or dropped out, which is why they've got a sophomore as acting president. So I was thinking we could...
Matthew: Hmm. Well, you know what happened there. Whole Sorcos Demon summoning thing.
Natalie: Ohh. Well... All the more reason for us to take over!
Matthew: I don't think taking it over is really necessary...

Some big lads pass the booth.

Big Lad 1: Well, I heard the forward line collapsed after Barry an' that Jack guy fell out.
Big Lad 2: I heard something about 'em clobbering each other with pool cues.
Big Lad 1: These ones?
Big Lad 2: Well, obviously not. They're no' broken.

Michelle pitches up through the sea of fresh faces.

Michelle: Oh my God there are so many kids here. It's like some kind of - are we really just a year older than them?
William: We weren't this bad.
Emma: No, you weren't. You still aren't.

Andy: I hear there's a special offer on beer down the road!

The crowd at the bar thins to maybe two and a half freshers' thick.

Jake: Nice try... Anyway, one beer, then I'm going back to practice.
William: Oh yes, Charlotte was wondering about tickets.
Emma: Aw, that's nice.

Escher looks up as the group comes in next day and nods slightly.

Escher: Good morning. How's everyone settling back in?
Jake: Alright.
Andy: Been a good long break. Nice to be back.
Escher: Good... Some research needs to be carried out - there's a notable lunar conjunction in eight days' time and it might draw out certain interested parties.

He points to a stack of thick and weighty-looking books.

Jake: Oh, good.

William's eyes light up.

Jake: So what sort of conjunction?
Escher: Nothing particular tied to it. It's on my charts, though. (quietly) Mostly it's an exercise on cross-referencing.

Jake nods.

William: So, this lunar conjunction, will this affect your problem?
Andy: Problem? Oh. It's not a problem.
William: Maybe problem's... not the word.
Emma: There are worse words for it.
Andy: I've got it under control!
Emma: So you keep saying.
Andy: Look, I only attacked you once. And (points at Jake) I was under your control at the time.

Jake doesn't look up. But Andy does feel a smack upside the head. Jake withdraws, taking a star chart with him, giving a dirty look to Matthew as he opens his mouth. Emma comes over.

Emma: Wanna get out of here?
Jake: I thought you were into all that prophecy stuff.
Emma: They're gonna ask questions. And they won't get much sense out of Dog Boy.
Jake: It'll be in the report.

He stands up and announces to the room in general:

Jake: I'll be in the practice room.
Emma: And I have to... um... observe!

They quickly withdraw.

Emma: We know it wasn't your fault. Even Andy knows that.
Jake: Yeah...
Emma: We forgave you. All of us...

He nods slightly, and turns to go.

Jake: I should probably go rehearse.
Emma: Okay. Um... see you for patrolling?
Jake: Sure. If you wanna come and listen beforehand we'll be in the hall.
Emma: Um... okay.

She smiles wanly as she watches him go, looks at the ground, and then heads back inside.

Rich, Lee and Sam attempt to look busy adjusting their instruments as the gig's organiser, Farley from Clare Entertainments, looks around.

Farley: So, first off-campus gig. Excited? Scared? Intimidated?
Sam: Only by you.
Jake: Should we be?
Farley: What I like ta hear! Ay-way, I gotta... you know, organisers.

And off he trots to meet the investors. Three of them seated in a booth in the club, well out of the light.

Farley: It's gonna be a good gig. Lotta fun. Lotta people there. Good buzz on these bands.
Investor: That's good. Wouldn't want our investment to fail us.
Farley nods, gives the investors the thumbs up and departs. They look at each other, smile. One lifts an empty glass as another pulls out a bag of blood and pours it in...

Investor: To a good gig. Lotta fun... lotta people there...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Emma sits at the side of the rehearsal room, listening as Jake plays.

Jake: Whatcha think?
Emma: Well, the new songs are... gloomy.
Jake: Thanks...
Emma: Well, they are.

She smiles wanly and shrugs slightly.

Jake: Yeah, probably...

He puts the guitar down, and winces as the strap hits his bruised ribs.

Emma: Are you -
Jake: I'm fine. Anyway, we're meeting them at the bar. Or outside it if we can't get in.

At the bar, Michelle holds up a flyer.

Michelle: This is Jake's band, right?
Andy: Yeah...
Michelle: What's with the name?

Emma: So, did the research turn up anything?
William: The conjunction will be best visible from the top of Devil's Thumb Hill. There's a standing stone there that isn't hooked into the Shield.
Jake: Hmm.

And our heroes head out on patrol.

Andy: I was thinking. Since we go out on patrol a lot, I could turn beforehand...
William: Er, well, we're trying to be inconspicuous.
Andy: Well, it'd scare the bad guys.
Emma: And the good guys. (off Andy's look) I mean Matthew and Natalie... are... still a little wary...
Jake: It's never taken you any time to change anyway.
Andy: Well, what about if something gets the drop on... us...

And out shamble a group of things humanoid in rags, with grey-black skin pocked with sickly yellow.

Jake: (casually) What's that then?
Andy: Five ugly demony guys. (to the demons) Are you evil?
Lead Demon: Rrrrr...
Andy: They're evil.

One of them throws back its hood, revealing a skeletal face and a seam running down its bald head.

William: Anqmurt Demons.
Jake: Weaknesses?
Matthew: Cleave their -
William: Now, Natalie, I expect you to know this...
Jake: Could someone tell me?
Natalie: The... the seams in their skulls! Yes!
Jake: Right!

He duly buries his sword in the gap and the thing gurgles and spasms.

Andy grins at Matthew, Hulks out, and grabs both sides of a second demon's head, pulling them apart, cracking the thing like a lobster.

William misses with a shot...

William: Wish I'd gotten that taser I ordered from eBay!

... and gets punched upside the head. The Anqmurt grabs him and uses him as a human shield against Andy. Jake circles around it and stabs it in the back of the neck.

William opens his eyes and looks around.

William: Ow... ah. Good!
Jake: That's teamwork for you. So what were they after?
William: They're low-level thugs from the Minosch Wars.
Jake: So they're professionals? They're crappy demon hitmen?
Matthew: They might have just been hunting... I hope...
Jake: Anything's possible.
William: Anyway, the bodies are flammable after a few minutes.
Emma: We'll deal with that. You get that head looked at.

Natalie heads home and Matthew trudges dejectedly after her...

Charlotte winces in sympathy as she gently touches the dark bruise on the side of William's face.

Charlotte: How did you get that?
William: Fresher at the bar elbowed me in the face...

She nods, and looks like she'd like to be convinced...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Portland Arms, on Clifton Street, is pretty much full. A banner for the gig flaps in the wind, falling over the band's name. Our heroes sit backstage...

Sam: Wow, look at all the money we got. At this rate, we'll be playing Wembley in about seventy years.
Jake: Cheers.
Sam: Always there to support you.

The support act, Sugarbuzz, are loud and guitar-y.

Emma: Good luck... or break a leg... no, that's actors... (shrugs) oh, you'll be fine.
Andy: Macbeth!
Emma: Tcch.

Jake shakes his head as he heads on stage, slinging his guitar on, adjusting the strings... touching the silver cross on a chain around the neck of the guitar.

Jake: Deep breath... and go.

Emma looks worried as she gazes out from the wings of a stage. And three vampires look down from the balcony overlooking the stage, grinning...

Jake:
You do what you do
You say what you say
You try to be everything to everyone
You know all the right people
You play all the right games
You always try to be everything to everyone...

Sam: Isn't it good how they mix the drums up so you can' hear the singer...

Jake's listless, distracted, looking for something to take his mind off what he's doing... he looks over at Emma, looking concerned, William and Charlotte near the front smiling at each other, Matthew watching Natalie bop around on the dancefloor... then he notices a thin man leading a girl into the back manager's area, while another keeps watch.

Andy glances around as Jake watches the men, but doesn't see where he's looking.

Jake:
You spin around and fall down and do it again
You stumble and you fall, yeah you do it again
You spin around and fall down and do it again
You stumble and you fall...

He pauses between songs, and sees the same guy leading a second girl out...

He heads off to the bar. Andy joins him and beckons William over.

William: Did you see something?
Jake: I saw some guys acting a bit suspicious... but maybe I'm just looking for distractions.
William: What was it?
Jake: These two guys being shifty when one of them tried to pull... two girls. Maybe he struck out with the first one... Don't see the girls though.
William: I'll keep an eye out.

Jake nods and they head off to take a quick look. Sure enough, they find the second thin man watching the door.

Thin Man: Shouldn't you be on stage?
Jake: I don't play for two hours without a break. That's why you got the jukebox playin'.
Thin Man: Well, maybe you should be backstage then? Or enjoying our complementary bar?

William tries to push past him.

Thin Man: And you'd be goin' where?
Jake: I thought the artists' toilets were back here?
Thin Man: Tsk. On the left.

He nods, and promptly heads for the door on the right, out into the club courtyard.

William heads out to the front of the building, and out the main door.

Andy tries to bag his way past as well.

Thin Man: Yes?
Andy: Hey, you were there last night, weren't you? When Freddy got up on the table and whizzed in the bottle?
Thin Man: No...
Andy: Oh. (quietly) Bugger.

Meanwhile, Jake steps out and find a van parked next to the band's.

Jake notes the blacked-out windows. Looks around, notes he's outside of the shield, and sighs, his shoulders slouch.

Jake listens at the side, and hears muffled sobbing. Jake heads over to a packing crate and breaks a bit off, about stake size, then heads round to the back of the van, and fiddles with the lock.

Inside, he finds the two girls, one unconscious, the other checking her breathing. She looks up, fear turning to hope - then back to fear.

Girl: Behind you!

Jake turns, just in time to see the chattier thin man, in vamp face, swing down from on top of the van, feet first towards his face.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake steps back and holds out his impromptu stake as the vamp jumps down on him. The Vamp slaps the stake aside, and grabs Jake by the collar.

Inside, Andy hears the noise and shoves past the probably-undead bouncer.

William rounds the corner of the building, hearing noises from the parking lot, he picks up the pace.

Outside, the vampire turns and slams Jake into the side of the van. Jake tries feebly to break the vamp's grip on him.

Andy runs out, pursued by the thin man, who is indeed now snarling and yellow-eyed.

Jake raises a hand. A beer keg flies at the vamp holding him, knocking him off his feet, Jake drops, and holds his side where it connected with the van. William rounds the corner, and catches up with Andy, as the thin man chases him out the door. William punches the thin man, who laughs off his attack and picks him up off the ground...

William: Little help? Andy? Please?

Andy grabs the undead bouncer by the waist even as he sprouts claws. The first vampire watches, shocked and more than a little puzzled, then charges the lycanthrope as dust rains from his claws.

Jake concentrates, and his discarded stake jumps into the air and slams into the vamp's chest.

Jake: Good... okay, that hurt...
William: Yeah... I didn't wanna bring my axe to your gig. Sorry.

Andy reverts out of sight and recovers his shirt. William frees the girls, confirming that the unconscious one has been bitten but not too badly.

Girl: Did you see where they went?
William: We, ah, chased them off.
Girl: Chloe got bitten!
Jake: What a freak...
William: Probably, er... on PCP...
Jake: Maybe you should report this. You'd recognise them, right?

Jake: I think there was another one.
William: I didn't see any...
Jake: Yeah, well... I better get back on stage. But we should check first

As they head inside, up towards the balcony, Emma catches up with them.

Emma: What's going on?
William: There seem to be vampires around. We dusted a couple...
Jake: There might be more.
Emma: Great, that's - look out!

A vampire dives down the stairs to the balcony - chest-first onto Jake's stake.

The group head up onto the balcony. They find Anqmurt Demons lurking in the shadows, guarding a pile of unconscious freshers, and two vampires watching the show: the investor and a henchman.

Jake: We need something to split some heads open...
Andy: Can't really change in here...

The vampire investor turns and smirks.

Investor: Well done. You brought in quite a crowd. The sacrifice for the conjunction will be quite impressive...
Jake: Yeah, well, I have to be back on stage in five minutes, and you and your friends are getting in the way of our gig.
Investor: Not to worry. You've done what we hired you for.
Jake: You know, it's kinda ironic that you hire a Watcher-associated band to draw in a crowd. But I really don't like being used like that. Gets me a little riled!

With that, he flings the stake. It accelerates in mid-air and turns to slam into the vampire's heart. The hench-vamp blinks.

Jake: You might wanna take your boys and -

The remaining vamp jumps over the balcony.

Jake: Okay, you could do that...

With that, the Anqmurts charge.

William stakes the first in the face, the stake jutting out like a horn and the demon clawing at it. Jake brings his hands together, and two of the demons slam into each other.

William picks up a beer tray and hammers the stake in with it.

Emma raises her hands in warding and two more demons skid to a halt in front of her. She shrinks away all the same as they punch and kick at the barrier.

Anqmurt: Hunh? Hunh! - Unh?!

William clubs one on the back with a chair. The second kicks him across the room.

Andy gets a similar idea and tries to lift a table. His eyes glow briefly and he manages to lift it slightly, then it crashes down and he groans... He looks around for something, picks up an aluminium pole from the balcony bar fittings, weighs it, and throws it away.

Andy: Grrr-
William: Somebody'll see you!

Jake, on the other hand, lifts the table with a thought, turns it in the air so that the surface is pointed at the demons, and rams their heads into a wall with it.

Andy picks up one of the demons and throws it over the balcony bar, smashing the mirror behind it. He grabs a shard to use as a knife, and drops it, screaming and clutching his hand.

Andy: Weapon - Aaaagh! Silver!

William retrieves the shard and turns to the last two demons. Clearly not being paid for their tactical sense (or aware that they won't be getting paid since their employer is now a pile of dust) they charge. Jake raises his hands and the remaining shards fly into them.

The group limp over to the pile of victims.

William: They're alive.
Jake: They're freshers, aren't they?
Andy: Once again, Cambridge is safe... but the vampires failed to make it safe for second-years to get to the bar.

As they head downstairs, they are confronted by Natalie.

Natalie: Did you drop a vampire on us?
Jake: Uh... not exactly. He jumped. Where'd he go?
Natalie: Oh, we chased him down and staked him. Always have a stake to hand, at least...

William finds Charlotte at the bar.

Charlotte: I thought you were gonna get us a drink.
William: I had to... make a call first.
Charlotte: Did you see that guy jump off the balcony? He just got up and ran off. He looked really mad about something... And that horsy girl chased after him.
William: Really? Huh.

Jake walks on-stage, almost covering the limp, picks up his guitar with his back to the audience, closes his eyes, rubs the cross, turns and starts to play.

Jake:
I just don't understand how
you can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now...
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now...

Emma smiles sadly as she watches him play. Natalie bops her head, oblivious to Matthew sitting at the bar. Andy rubs the already-closed wound on his hand. William tries not to wince as Charlotte slides an arm around him...

CREDITS!
Everything To Everyone and Wonderful performed by Everclear
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Escher V/O: Next time, on The Watch House:

A medieval army besieging a castle, as a ball of burning pitch arcs overhead.

William leafing through a yellowed tome in a churchlike library.

Jake and Emma sitting apart and looking out of different windows of a 4x4.

A gauntleted hand bursting out of the ground.

Matthew and Natalie pointing in different directions.

Andy loping through dark woods.

William looking rather nervous as he hefts his axe while a man with a lance rides at him on a motorbike...

Escher V/O: The next episode of The Watch House is By The Sword.

--
DVD Commentary and Actual Play

(Andy landing in the water)
Craig: This was originally written with Jack in mind, but since he didn't appear for the rest of the series, Andy drew the short straw in the reshoot. The "soft landing" line was originally Jamie's, too.

(The first Anqmurt fight)
Jamie: I'm sure these used to be easier.
Derek: There used to be more of the guys. And, well...
Craig: Yeah. I wanted to have you beat up a bit, and of course William had to take a hit.

(Charlotte looking after William)
Craig: She knows something's wrong. Of course, she has no idea what it is...

(Outside the gig)
Derek: The banner falls just so we can't see what the band's called.
Craig: Like all the shots miss the band's name on the flyers. The script read "the band should really have a name" but when we couldn't come up with one we just went with the gag...

(The gig itself)
Craig: As you can tell, all the songs are massive bummers despite their bouncy guitar hooks. Oddly enough, the bits you hear in the episode aren't even the biggest bummer moments in the songs...

[Mengtzu]

Mmmm...it's that good Actual Play taste, you can't beat it.

Thanks, Craig!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Mmmm...it's that good Actual Play taste, you can't beat it.

Thanks, Craig!
You're very welcome.

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.03: By The Sword

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Matthew: bookish Prentice fresher
Natalie: horsy Prentice fresher
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend

--

It's a beautiful, clear night. As the catapult throws the burning ball of pitch at the castle wall.

The County of Cambridgeshire. 1462 AD.

Archers rain fire down on the besieging army. The master of the castle stalks the ramparts in heavy plate armour. He stops to grab a soldier climbing a siege ladder and pull him up, then throw the ladder off the wall one-handed. The knight raises his visor to reveal a mouth full of fangs.

Jourdan: A pity you people need no invitation to enter our homes.

He's so engrossed in biting the soldier that he doesn't notice the lead ball arcing overhead until it slams into the wall above him, bringing it down on his head.

The dust settles... and is brushed away. A group of archaeologists dig through the ruins. The group leader, a middle-aged man called Eric Farmer, shouts:

Farmer: C'mon, we're going to the pub!

The last of them, his teaching assistant May Neilson, downs tools. They leave the site for the night...

And a gauntleted hand bursts up out of the ground.

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

It's a warm September evening and the Watch seat themselves at the Brody, groaning with the effort of sitting and stretching out after a long patrol. All except Natalie, who dashes off to talk to some of the other members of the Classics Society. Matthew arches an eyebrow at not being dragged along with her.

Jake: Well, it's good that she's meeting people...
Matthew: Hrm.
Jake: You're not in the Classics Society too?
Matthew: I'm in danger of becoming treasurer.
Jake: No-one else'll do it?
Matthew: Hrm.
Jake: Ah. Her idea. Part of this thing with her.
Matthew: Huh?
Jake: Nothin'... Um, so, gonna drum up support? I assume there'll be an election.
Matthew: I assume.
William: I'm sure you'll get in.
Matthew: So am I... (sighs)
Jake: What, is there a more glamorous job than treasurer?
Matthew: Publicity?
William: Librarian? (off Jake's look) Nah, that'd be boring. No, you want to do something impressive. Kill a vamp, maybe...
Jake: Can't show off too much these days...

The older members share a look.

Jake: Well, it's only Classics. What harm can they do?
William: Well, the old Classics exec trafficked with demons...
Jake: Well, yes...

Natalie leaving does leave room for Charlotte to sit as she comes over.

Charlotte: You look puffed out. Have you guys been jogging or something?
William: Erm... long walk to the museum.
Jake: Yeah, what was that in aid of?
William: Er... someone we needed to talk to. Anyway, we got done, thought we'd relax after a night's, er...
Jake: Walking.

Jake: How's it going with you two? Plans for the weekend?
William: Well, they have to be a bit flexible. Never know when we... might have to... walk to the museum.

Natalie dashes over and drags Matthew away.

Charlotte: What is it with those two?
William: I think he's a pawn in her evil schemes for power.
Charlotte: Bummer.
Jake: Yeah, but he seems quite content with it. And it might bring him out of his shell a little.
Emma: Or crack him.
Jake: Yeah...

Escher frowns as he reads a memo when the group come in next morning.

Escher: A university-funded archaeological dig has been closed down after a body was found on the site. As opposed to in the site. He'd been run through.
William: By what? A sword?
Escher: That's what it sounds like.
Jake: Eww. So what's the site?
Escher: Here we are. Sir Jourdan the Red... His castle was besieged and destroyed during the Hundred Years War, but no-one is entirely certain by which side.
William: An old sword lying around? Wouldn't be much use.
Jake: Wounds'd go septic...

William: Digging up ancient things... always a bad idea.
Jake: Pessimist.
William: I'm going on experience.

Matthew: So, what do we do?
Escher: You need some practice with field research. We're going on a field trip.
Jake: Guess it's better than sitting around the office... we can go sit in another dry, dusty library.
William: I hear there's an excellent collection, and... (off Jake's look) er... we'll be out and about.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

St. Ives, Cambridgeshire, the market town of the popular trick riddle, is fairly small and fairly quaint.

Jake and Emma looking out of different windows of a 4x4. Natalie sits between them, looking from one direction to the other.

Natalie: This is pretty country, isn't it? Oh, what are you looking at?

Matthew studiously does the Times crossword and occasionally glances at Natalie, brow furrowed. William looks over his shoulder.

William: As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Every wife had seven sacks, every sack had seven cats, every cat had... seven kittens... Kittens, cats, sacks and wives, how many were going to St. Ives?
Jake: One.
Andy: Huh?
Jake: It doesn't say where this guy's going.
Natalie: Oh, very clever.
Jake: I mean, if you had seven sacks full of cats you wouldn't be goin' very far with 'em.

Andy: So was the sword still there? I mean, would he just abandon his weapon or was it part of a ritual or something?
Escher: The report doesn't say. That would be one of the reasons we're going.
Jake: We don't have any contacts in the area?
Escher: We are contacts in the area.

Mr. Farmer, the archaeology supervisor, three of his class and his teaching assistant, May, meet the group in the Coachman pub on Market Hill. They look tired and drawn. May holds a cup of coffee with both hands. Alec, Deb and Julie, the students, have something of a thousand-yard stare.

Farmer: Ghastly business, this. Seems he was some local type out walking his dog. Dog hasn't been found, actually... but anyway, I got there just before sunup and there he was. Must have been lying there for hours, the blood had mostly soaked into the ground...

Jake looks around and notes that there aren't a lot of people looking suspiciously at the strangers... but there is a youngish vicar at the bar, looking away as he glances over.

May: That's Reverend Dean. The dig's on parish land, and he keeps the church records, and runs the local library part-time.
Jake: Perhaps we should talk to him.
May: He... isn't terribly chatty.

May: The site itself is cordoned off. There's a mobile incident room in the nearby carpark.
Jake: But we're all excited about the site...

The local inspector, DI Moffat, throws away a Styrofoam cup of tea as the group approach the site.

Moffat: Mister Farmer, Miss May... and some other people?
Jake: History society.
Moffat: Ah, well, the body was here, next to the hole.
Jake: Hole?
Moffat: The caved-in bit down to the lower level.
Jake: Caved in?
William: Never said anything about that...
Moffat: No? Oh. Well. Might want to take a look then.
Andy: Were there signs of a struggle?
Moffat: I wouldn't say so. I'd say he was surprised.

And he leads them to a freshly-dug hole in the earth, big enough to clamber down into. Some five feet below that there's a broken, uneven wall. And next to it, emerging from the earth, is a pile of bones.

Jake warily stretches out a hand to the skull...

And gets an image of the battle, the soldier whose body this is climbing a siege ladder, a tall figure in armour looming over him, a stabbing pain, and then falling rubble...

He pulls his hand back as if burned.

Emma: (concerned) What did you find?
Jake: Never get a nice vision. Just once...

Then he notices that she has her hand on his shoulder, and it slides off as she steps back, looking at the exposed masonry...

Emma: Um.
Jake: Yeah... Skeleton down there. Don't move anything.
William: Is there a metal detector I can use?

Jake steps away to get a smoke.

Emma: What did you see?
Jake: Wonderful visions... Bite to the neck. Really bad hicky if you've got the right sort of teeth.
Emma: Vampire?
Jake: I dunno. William's the expert at this sorta thing.
William: Ooh, a penny!

Jake smiles weakly.

Emma: You okay?
Jake: (shrugs) What's one more vision of mutilation and death? Wasn't mine or anybody I know... but let's go talk to this deacon bloke.

William looks at his metal detecting results.

William: Much clearer picture than they had yesterday. Looked like there was a lot more metal there...
Jake: How much...
William: Like... something's been removed. Something big.
Jake: Like a guy in armour?
Matthew: Like someone got up and walked away after five hundred years?
Andy: Oh. I see. Vampire. Got you.
Jake: Let's go talk to the rev.

They go over to the vicarage. Reverend Dean looks the group over.

Dean: Ah, yes. Hello.
Jake: Hi. We're down with the history society crowd from Cambridge.
Dean: I suppose you'll be wanting into the library, then...
William: That would be brilliant.
Jake: All goes towards our thesis.

Cut to William leafing through a yellowed tome in the church library.

Dean: This is the prize of the section on Jourdan. The only remaining copy.
William: Sir Jourdan is said to have... made a pact with Lucifer for eternal life and power over his enemies.
Jake: Oh, that old chestnut.
Andy: Well, if you're going to make a pact with someone, the former head of the Lord's angels and the most powerful and beautiful being in the universe...

Reverend Dean arches an eyebrow.

Andy: Er... Satan bad.
Dean: Quite. Anyway, you know how it is. Anyone unpopular enough was accused of selling their soul.
Jake: So what did he do? I know he was involved in the war, and nobody's sure which side killed him, so was he just a backstabbing... person?
Dean: All we know is irretrievably muddled with rumour, hearsay and superstition. These were unenlightened times, when people still believed demons walked the earth...

They discuss things in rather more detail as they go.

William: So, a pact? That'd make him a demon.
Jake: Started out human. Could be anything now.
Emma: And we've got a vicar who doesn't believe a word of it.
William: At least he'll be safe. All those crosses.
Jake: Do vampires have a sort of... hibernating thing?
William: They generally become weak if they don't feed.
Jake: Well, what else could live for five hundred years under two tons of rock?
William: Oh, quite a few things. I'll compile a list of the ones that could pass for human...

Jake looks up at the darkening sky.

Jake: You should put in a call with the coroner, see what he found.
William: I've had many interesting conversations with him. He has some fascinating hobbies.
Jake: I don't wanna know.
William: Dead bodies are a job, not a hobby.
Jake: Yeah...
Emma: Just make the call...

Doctor Brown, the Cambridge coroner, sighs.

Brown: Oh, it's you.
William: Ye-es. Some poor guy got stabbed in St. Ives.
Brown: Large single wound. Heavy blade. There was dust in the wound as well, it hadn't been cleaned in a long time. He bled out quickly.
William: A sword?
Brown: Could be.

Jake: Dust, not rust? You're sure?
William: Yes.
Jake: Makes a difference.

Our heroes retreat to the pub.

Andy: So we've got a crazy ancient demon with a sword that isn't rusty after five hundred years in the ground?
William: The ground is quite sandy...
Jake: We've also got a dog gone missing. How do we find a dog... (looks at Andy)
Andy: Bloody dogs. Bastards won't stop barking at me... this one time I went to Crufts...
Jake: Is this a 'band camp' story?
Emma: Please say no.
William: Must be hard travelling abroad if sniffer dogs always go for you.

Jake: If it was a vampire, why take the dog and not bite the man?
Emma: Well, he was bleeding anyway.
Andy: And a dog's easier to carry off.
Escher: If we could get on... We may have a hunger-crazed vampire or other immortal monster roaming the countryside in well-preserved heavy plate armour.
Jake: This is not good. I mean, armour...
William: Good thing I brought this.

He brings out his brand-new taser.

Jake: So we can fry it. If we can find it.
William: We could go for a patrol of the area. Look for places something like that could hide.
Escher: Well, there are some cave structures in the woods outside of town.
Jake: A-caving we will go...
William: Hmm.
Jake: So, checking those caves before it gets too dark?
Emma: It's getting kind of dark already.
William: And all sensible people aren't out after dark. Fortunately we're not sensible... or is that un-fortunately...

Jake: We should get some lights and such then.
Matthew: Natalie might have some. And probably caving gear.
Jake: Natalie does spelunking?
Natalie: Oh, yes!

Farmer and May approach.

Farmer: Judging by the broken artefacts around the body, he was probably a foot soldier caught in the castle's collapse. There's some interesting space next to him, though.
Jake: Space?
May: Like there was another object there which shifted after the fact -

Then they're interrupted by loud engine noises from outside.

May: Bloody boy racers playing motocross...

And outside, sure enough, three young men speed by on dirt bikes.

And a pair of gleaming eyes watch them pass from the shadows of a nearby alley...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

And so the group head out to the caves, where they soon find footprints. Big, heavy footprints.

Jake: Great. We've found the right place. So, how does that taser work?
William: One shot.
Jake: Make it count.
Matthew: What do we do?
Jake: Stay behind.
Natalie: Provide covering fire?
Jake: And if that doesn't work, run away.

William: Do you really think you needed to say that?
Jake: They seem like the kind who'd go down with the ship. Watcher obligation and all. Makes 'em stupid.
William: Hey...

Andy: So what now? We track his armour with the metal detector?
Jake: Or follow the footprints.
Andy: ... Could do that... I suppose...

Jake: Well, onwards and up... well, downwards.

Andy: These caves are a bit cramped...
William: Yeah. I've found the end.
Jake: Nobody home, huh?
William: Apart from... found the dog...

He grimaces as he shines his torch into the corner. Everyone else avoids looking.

Andy: We could camp here until he comes back?
Jake: And in the meantime he can kill everyone in town.
William: And then come back here where we're cornered.
Andy: So... let's go back to town and look. Would it be wise to go to the dig?
Jake: It's on the way in.

They head back out.

William: More patrolling. That's nice.
Jake: Well, it's more scenic.
William: It's dark. Not much of a view... less tourists though...
Emma: Except that we're tourists.

They reach the site and find Mister Farmer's already there. There's now another unexplained dig. He looks down, arms folded, frowning. One of the students, Alec, clambers out.

Alec: Goes pretty deep, sir. Looks like a crypt or something.
William: Oh good. More dark holes in the ground.

So they descend into the darkness with only a few torches for company, pausing to note more big, heavy footprints in the dirt.

They find a largely undisturbed crypt... with weapons racks. Some broken shields, and space for another. Some shattered lances, and space for another...

Jake: Er, yeah, he came in and took a lance...

The group share a worried look as the rest of the dig team arrive.

May: Well?
Jake: We'll let you guys in. It's getting a bit late.

As they withdraw, Jake spots a thin figure observing the comings and goings. Reverend Dean.

Jake: We're being watched.
Andy: Where?
Emma: Oh.
Jake: Could just be a nosy parker.
William: Nothing exciting happens here, I suppose... unless you really enjoy market day... but then again, he has the book.

They discuss how best to patrol.

Matthew: He'd be rather obvious in town.
Jake: Woods. Lotsa trees.
William: Better than dark caves.
Andy: Should we split up and... only said that for the reaction. (grins)
Jake: We should stay close together.

Andy nods. And then runs off into the dark.

Jake: What did I just say? Not with the splitting up, dude!

As they run after him, Jake spots two figures in the woods, a man with his arms around a woman, holding her close...

The group approach and... May shrieks, blushes and hides behind Reverend Dean. He cringes. So do the group, as they hide crossbows and axes and swords.

Dean: Ah... er... good evening...

Matthew tries to stop laughing. Natalie elbows him in the ribs.

Jake: Evening. (grins uncomfortably)

They sidle away.

William: We should leave them to it... but they're in danger. Axe-wielding maniacs and all.
Jake: You hang back then. Let's find Andy.

Cut from Matthew and Natalie pointing in different directions to Andy loping through dark woods, pausing to sniff the air...

Jake draws his sword and runs into the woods... then gets blindsided and flattened with the pommel of a sword.

William looks up as he hears a dirt bike engine somewhere in the darkness up ahead.

Emma stands in a clearing, shouting:

Emma: Jake? Jake!

Natalie runs the way Jake went. Matthew yells:

Matthew: Hey! Stay together!

But she doesn't seem to hear him over the engine noise... as we cut to a POV shot speeding through the woods towards William's back.

William looks rather nervous as he hefts his axe while a figure in full plate rides at him on a motorbike... with a lance.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

William holds his ground, raising his axe, as Jourdan bears down on him with a lance... then holds out his taser and fires!

The darts strike the knight's breastplate and shoot twenty thousand volts through him.

He flies backwards off his stolen bike and sprawls on his back, shuddering.

The taser whines as its charge runs out. William and Matthew approach warily. Then Jourdan gets up.

He draws his sword and advances, steam rising from his joints.

Then he gets hit by a monstrous hairy figure.

Matthew: Oh my G- oh, it's him.

Andy snarls as Jourdan slashes at him with his sword, howls in pain as he headbutts him on the snout.

Then Jake charges in, his own sword raised.

Jourdan shoves Andy aside and kicks Jake off. He rolls, lands badly and slams his head into the ground.

Jourdan stalks towards him, but Andy charges him from the side and slows his advance as he pushes him away.

Jake raises a hand, and focuses his power to tear Jourdan's armour off. The breastplate spins around, levels with Jourdan's neck, then he ducks as it flies at him and it buries itself in the side of a tree.

Matthew takes a shot, striking Jourdan in the leg. Emma runs back, looks understandably surprised, and tries to think of a spell. Natalie loads her crossbow.

Andy takes a punch in the face and stumbles away, growling. William swings his axe, getting the knight in the back. Then Andy stumbles forwards, grabs his head and pulls.

Jourdan's sword and the remains of his armour crash to the ground as his body explodes into centuries-old dust.

Jake limps over to the sword and picks it up. His vision is filled with images of blood, warfare, beheadings. He drops it, his hand jerking away convulsively.

Jake: Yeah.

William looks at the scattered armour.

William: I'm sure the archaeologists will be interested in all this.
Jake: Nah, nah nah nah.
William: What, why?
Emma: Well, for one thing, how do we explain how it got here?
William: Oh. Er...
Jake: Besides, it's had a vampire inside it for five hundred years. It might have picked up a few bad vibes. Probably not the kinda thing you want in a museum.
Matthew: Well...
Jake: Okay, maybe a Watcher museum.
Andy: C'mon, let's take this guy's bike home.

Jake nods slightly as he pulls the breastplate out of the tree.

On the way home Jake lies in the back, an ice pack on his head. Emma looks over at him, concerned...

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Escher V/O: Next time, on The Watch House:

Andy chatting with a dark-haired girl.

Jake and Emma sharing a look.

Andy chatting with a fair-haired girl.

William and Charlotte sharing a look.

Sunita grimacing as she examines a demon corpse.

Sunita: He's been shot...

Andy stalking through the woods, seen through a sniper scope...

Escher V/O: The next episode of The Watch House is On The Hunt.

--
DVD Commentary

(The opening scene)
Craig: This isn't just here because we had some money spare. War is something of an ongoing theme in this season. Plus, y'know, it looks really cool.

(Natalie dragging Matthew around)
Derek: What is going on with those two?
Craig: Obviously something is. I mean, even Charlotte sees that.

(Reverend Dean)
Craig: Ah, The Creepy Red Herring Vicar. It was that or The Vicar Who Gets Killed, and I thought this was funnier.

(Jourdan charges William)
Craig: This episode started with the central image of William facing a guy on a motorbike with a lance. The Evil Dead style POV shot as he rides at him... I just couldn't resist.

[Varyar]

Sweet, as always. I love the image of a vampire knight jousting on a motorcycle. Poor doggie :( Good fun. I need to have a castle seige scene.

Ah, I know. mwahahahahahaha.

And next ep, Sunita returns. Yay!

[colbabe]

Hooray for a traditional, down-and-dirty dusting. And an homage to Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. :D

[Craig Oxbrow]

Hooray for a traditional, down-and-dirty dusting. And an homage to Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. :D
What? Where? :D

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.04: On The Hunt

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Matthew: bookish Prentice fresher
Natalie: horsy Prentice fresher
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend
Sunita: Watcher biologist

Previously, on The Watch House:

Andy transforming under the full moon.
Escher: The Lycanthropus Manticora is quite human when not affected by the change. Which, in this case, he can control.
William: Can he?

--
The welcoming parties for the new academic year are out of the way, and it's time for the first parties of the autumn proper. It's the first night of the first full moon of the new academic year, and that's plenty reason for an event.

Rosalind smiles winningly as she plays hostess.

Rosalind: Jake! Emma! So good to see you again! Charlotte! William, don't you look dashing? And... (pauses on Andy, thinks, looks to Natalie and Matthew) Oh my! Young people!
Jake: Yeah, Matthew and Natalie.
Rosalind: Aaah, the new Classics Society. Terrible business, that. Fiscal irregularities, wasn't it?
William: Er... yeah.

William: I could be home adjusting the double-tap on my taser.
Jake: C'mon and be the life of the party...
William: Civilians. (sighs)
Jake: Dude. I'm a civilian.

Natalie spots someone (played by Keeley Hawes (http://www.keeleyhawes.co.uk/pics%20general/keeley3.jpg)) waves enthusiastically and hurries off. Jake watches an eyebrow as he watches her go and looks for an explanation.

Rosalind: (sniffs dismissively) Abigail Spencer-Churchill. Daughter of a baronet. Goes to St. Catherine's. Head of the bloody pony club.

And as Natalie turns to talk to someone else as well, a girl in red briefly between partners on the dance floor...

Rosalind: Serena Westingham. Fresher. Apparently a rising star of the dance society. Too thin by half.

Andy glances out of the window.

Jake: You feeling alright today?
Andy: Absolutely fine. No problems. Hey, look at that girl in red. Nice... in... red.
Jake: If you start growlin' now I'm puttin' you in a cage.

Matthew lurks at the canapés, endeavouring to be polite as required.

Natalie returns when it's time to go, taking Matthew's arm before he really manages to offer it. Serena comes over as well and appraises the assembled.

Serena: (at Andy) Well... aren't you going to introduce me to Mister Brooding here?
Andy: Oh, um, hello. Andy Sampson. Andrew.
Serena: Charmed...

Abigail passes by as well.

Andy: So, you ride horses then?
Abigail: That would be what a riding club does, yes.
Andy: How many hands?
Abigail: Your hands or mine? Mine, twelve.
Jake: You sound like you know what you're talking about.
Andy: I like... horses.
Jake: Do they like you?
Andy: Uh... (turns back to Abigail) so, what's your control method?
Abigail: Mostly keeping them sweet. But I have a riding crop. (smirks) For the horse.

Jake and Emma watch Andy chat with Abigail, and share a look.

William: Must be pheromones.
Jake: Pheromones?
William: With the moon and all.
Emma: It can't just be his brooding outsider charm?... What?

Natalie chatters away at Matthew as he escorts her to her stair...

Jake: They want to be together. That's sweet.
William: Or he does, anyway.
Jake: He does... just doesn't know what to do. And she can see it...

None of them notice the stealthy figures following them in the dark...

And equally, out in the farmland at the edge of the city, nobody notices movement in the bushes until it charges forwards into the sheep enclosure. The cold air lit by the moon is filled with terrified bleating and hungry snarls.

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

(Guest starring Parminder Nagra)

Next morning, Escher looks up slightly from his paper and turns a page as Jake and Andy enter his office.

Jake: Anything going on?
Escher: Nothing out of the ordinary for a full moon weekend. Some mauled sheep in a farm out of town (glances at Andy) and a somewhat unusual number of bicycles in the river...
Andy: I had nothing to do with the bicycles.
Jake: It's okay, he was with us till after midnight.

Andy wanders off towards lunch, and spots Serena.

Andy: Hey! Uh... nice dancing last night.
Serena: Well, y'know, something I do. What about you?
Andy: Well, I do... maths...
Serena: I'm sure if I saw you doing math I'd be impressed too.

They share a smile, and we cut forward to the evening as the group gathers to patrol.

Jake: What are you smiling about?
Andy: I just love patrolling.
Jake: Love it?
Andy: Protecting the good people... like, saw this cute girl again. I wouldn't want her to get jumped by something...
Jake: Hairy?
Andy: Er, well no...
Jake: So you're saving her from you.

Andy: It's a tough job sometimes.
Jake: Got her number?
Andy: Got her room number.
Jake: Well, that's something...
Andy: You smell that?

Andy heads forwards, onto the green, and stops by a suspiciously body-shaped lump on the ground.

Matthew: Is he... dead?
William: Yes. And... it's a Kuval demon.
Andy: He's been shot.
Natalie: Who would do such a thing?
Jake: Apart from us?

The group share a look.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

And we return to a coroner's office, as Sunita Chadha snaps on a pair of latex gloves and examines the dead Kuval.

Sunita: You're right... He's been shot. Twice, in the back. Long range judging by the lack of powder burns. I'd say a sniper rifle, based on the precision of the hits.

William on the phone outside the Basement on-campus club.

William: I see... taking out both its hearts...

Jake: So, what did Sunita say?
William: Sounds like the killer knew what he was doing.
Jake: So, what's a Kuval demon anyway?
William: A fairly typical breed of carnivorous thugs, really. Sometimes used as ground troops in conflicts.
Jake: So what is this... a turf war?
William: Could be.
Jake: Whatever it is, it's somebody bringing guns to our fights. That can't be good news.

As Andy heads up to the bar, he bumps into Abigail.

Abigail: Oh, ah, hello again.

She looks a little surprised (as she glances out the window) then smiles.

Abigail: We weren't really introduced. You're Andy, right? Natalie pointed you out...
Andy: Yeah. Hi.

They talk at the bar... which leads to Serena noticing and heading the other way.

And on the way home it's Andy's turn to be tailed. By Abigail...

A call from Escher wakes William in the morning.

Escher: More sheep mauled last night. And these were right on the edge of town. Best patrol the outlying parks tonight. Perhaps with the tranquilliser guns.

Charlotte looks at him curiously as he gets up.

Charlotte: Vitally urgent business of a Sunday morning?
William: Uh... yeah.

When he arrives, he finds Jake already there.

Jake: I saw something tailing Andy on the way home.
Escher: Andy in particular?
Jake: Could just be because he was the first out.
Escher: Hm. Something to watch out for on patrol.

Andy is woken by a need for some breakfast, and wanders in late carrying a bag of pork scratchings.

Andy: Pig bit?
Escher: No, thank you... more livestock mauled in the night.
Andy: Uh, well, it's mauled humans that get people anxious.
Emma: True...
Andy: And we have dogs in this country, right?
William: Maybe you scared them all out of the city and they have to live wild.

Everyone looks at him.

William: Uh... anyway, keep an eye out this evening.
Emma: As well as the people shooting demons.
Jake: That too.
Emma: And in the meantime...
Jake: We could... go to lectures and stuff.
Emma: It's Sunday.
William: It's one of those weeks.

William: Anyway, I've got things to do at the lab. Y'know, reconfigure the taser, strengthen the base unit, check the output of the charge...
Emma: Well, be careful. Y'know, don't hold it without gloves.

Jake: We're gonna grab a smoke.
Andy: And I think I'll check in on the riding club...
Emma: Pheromones.
Jake: Better be careful, he hasn't been fed yet.
Andy: Hey! That's not it at all...
Emma: It isn't?

Andy picks up a familiar scent as he goes. Tracking it to its source, he finds Abigail doing her best to look inconspicuous.

Andy: Why are you following me?
Abigail: Well! I really don't know what you mean!

And across the quad, too far away to hear them but with a good view of them talking, Serena frowns slightly and heads off in another direction...

As Abigail storms off, seeming affronted, Andy shakes his head and heads off in another direction, catching up with Serena.

Andy: Wait up!
Serena: Er...
Andy: Spotted you running off.
Serena: I wasn't running, I was just... going.
Andy: Are you doing anything today?
Serena: Well, I have a recital I'm going to in the afternoon.
Andy: Oh! Um.
Serena: If you would... like to join me?
Andy: (blinks) Sure! Right! Yes. Well...

He returns to the office with a spring in his step. And doesn't notice that Abigail is, indeed, watching him.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake looks askance at Andy as he returns to the office.

Andy: Got her number this time.
Jake: Oh yeah?
Andy: We're going to a recital.
Emma: What kind?
Andy: Uh... I heard recital, I assumed poetry.
Jake: Just you and her, or... just you and her and a bunch of her friends?
Andy: I believe so...
Emma: Which one?
Andy: One of those.
Jake: But you don't know.
Andy: I could ask...
Emma: Yeah, but that'd be really uncool.
Jake: So would turning up with flowers and there's a bunch of her mates there.
Andy: I...
Jake: Quick work on her part. I thought you were going to the pony club.
Andy: ... Oh yeah. (shrugs) That'll wait.

And a shot of Abigail checking her saddlebags and unpacking a rifle.

Jake: So many women, so little time...
Andy: Hey, it's not my fault.
Jake: Of course not, firing off your fairy gnomes...
Andy: Right. Well, whatever it is, I should probably have a shower.

And as he runs off...

Jake: It always amazes me that he doesn't just shake himself dry...

Be that as it may, a cleaned-up Andy arrives to find that Serena has indeed come with a sizeable group. He settles himself in for an afternoon of remaining conscious, while Abigail slides into a seat behind him, his view blocked by a column as he turns around...

Meanwhile, Sunita puts one of the recovered bullets under a microscope, talking into a Dictaphone.

Sunita: .35 rifle... bloody huge... marks on the bullet... what are those - that's a cross...

Cut to the evening as the group prepares for a night patrol, with Matthew struggling with a tranq gun, and Natalie taking it off him and carrying it nonchalantly. Andy pauses, sniffs, and dashes off into the darkness.

Jake: Andy!
Natalie: We really should get him a leash.

And then we hear a crashing and thundering from the undergrowth. Hooves.

Three men on horseback, in dark outdoor clothing. They rein in their dark horses and peer down at the group, spreading out to encircle them. The handles of rifles jut out from harnesses on their saddles.

Their leader, a thin man with a grey beard (played by Jonathan Pryce (http://www.jamesbondfilme.de/autogramme/autogramm_pryce.jpg)) reins in his black stallion and studies the Watch.

Hunter: Ah. Yes! Watchers, is it?
William: We were out, uh, walking our dog. Seems to have wandered off.
Jake: Bit late for a ride, isn't it?
Hunter: Thought as much. Watchers. Chasing the beast, then? Well, be good boys and girls and don't get in the way of a clean shot, eh?

And as he says this, we see Andy through a sniper's scope...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

We cut back to the three horsemen surrounding the Watch.

Jake: Didn't catch your name.
Hunter: No. Have a good evening.

With that, the hunters spur on their horses.

Jake: Okay, what's going on? Anyone?
Matthew: Well, they know who we are and they're armed, and it sounds like they're chasing this thing.
Jake: Great. But who the hell are they?
William: And where's Andy?

A closeup of a tranquilliser gun being fired, and a dart striking dark-furred flesh accompanied by a snarl and a thud.

And Andy looks up, narrows his eyes and inhales, then turns and runs into the dark... until he runs across Abigail. Dressed for the outdoors (http://www.keeley-hawes.co.uk/pages/gallery/magazines/magazinesimages/g028.jpg). Wielding a rifle. Retrieving a dart from a large dark shape on the ground. She looks up and levels the business end of the gun at him.

Abigail: Close enough. This is a tranquilliser gun. The one on my hip isn't.
Andy: Right. Uh...
Abigail: Silver bullets, before you get any bright ideas.
Andy: Ah... uhm...

Hearing raised voices, the others catch up.

Jake: Okay, what's the head of the pony club doing with a gun and silver bullets? Natalie?

Natalie shrugs, looking like she has no idea.

Jake: Can you even keep a secret at all?
Natalie: Yes! I went to the Academy, you know!
Jake: You don't just go blabbing to absolutely everybody?
Natalie: No!
Jake: Only when it's politically expedient for you?
Natalie: No! And I resent the implication!

They glare at each other, then Jake turns as he hears hoofbeats coming closer.

The leader of the hunt hands the reins to his second and then levels a rifle at Andy.

Abigail steps out of the wood, raising and levelling a rifle. The leading huntsman looks... annoyed.

Hunter: Abigail.
Abigail: Uncle.
Andy: Uncle?!

Abigail: Bagged your beast. It's just a bloody panther.
Hunter: I see. Hm. Nice shot. All the same, I told you not to come.
Abigail: Yes, I know, the hunt is no place for a girl...
Hunter: I didn't say that.
Abigail: You didn't have to.
Hunter: Say hello to your mother for me.

With that, the huntsmen ride off.

Jake: You can tell your uncle and his crowd this area's covered.

And we cut to Escher nodding slightly as the tranquillised panther is loaded into an RSPCA van.

Escher: A hunting society. I should have remembered. They've been loosely affiliated with the Council for two centuries.
Sunita: Blessed bullets, good for five major religions.
Escher: They're in it for the thrill of the chase. Lunatics - no offence, Miss Spencer-Churchill.
Abigail: None taken. I don't even want to join, just prove that I should be allowed to. I find it all rather silly. Secret societies hunting monsters...
Jake: Quite.

And we cut to her uncle sitting by a fire, swirling a snifter of brandy with a frown. He looks up and confers with the man in the opposite armchair.

Hunter: Just a panther, and not even a panther to show for it. Poor showing, all round.
Shadowy Figure: Not to worry. You have the measure of the group now. Just in case. Especially the wolf.
Hunter: Just in case. Quite so, Mister Travers.

And Quentin Travers, the Watchers' master of security, raises his glass.

Travers: In case our sources are right... and there is a war coming.

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time, on The Watch House:

Jake wrapping a cross necklace around his fist.

William loading up on crosses, stakes and holy water.

Andy growling.

Emma running through the dark.

Charlotte (in an evening dress) arching an eyebrow as William (in a suit) steps between her and someone else.

The next episode of The Watch House is Hiding From The Light.

--

DVD Commentary:

Craig: This is a little bit of a sneak preview. Lord Spencer-Churchill and his society will be making a more significant appearance at a later date, and not actually in this show. You'd have to ask our executive producer, Mr. Darlington, about that.

[Varyar]

DVD Commentary:

Craig: This is a little bit of a sneak preview. Lord Spencer-Churchill and his society will be making a more significant appearance at a later date, and not actually in this show. You'd have to ask our executive producer, Mr. Darlington, about that.

But I wanna know nooooooow!

Great episode. Vaguely sinister rival groups to the Watcher = kewl.

[thenewgirl]

Brilliant. As always.
:)

*weeps loudly*
wah!!! I miss my Buffy game!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

[SteveD]

But I wanna know nooooooow!

Great episode. Vaguely sinister rival groups to the Watcher = kewl.

If you wanna know, buy ESP Issue 5 - there are EIGHT sinsister rival groups, including time-travelling robots.

Great stuff as always, Craig. And thank you so much for using the Hunt Club!

Steve

[colbabe]

*weeps loudly*
wah!!! I miss my Buffy game!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
Me too! Waaah!

Silver bullets? Bah. Try that good ol' jade...

[Varyar]

If you wanna know, buy ESP Issue 5 - there are EIGHT sinsister rival groups, including time-travelling robots.

Me, buy an Eden product? That's just unheard of ;)

[SteveD]

Me too! Waaah!

Silver bullets? Bah. Try that good ol' jade...

Stop crying or you won't get any warhammer!

[thenewgirl]

*pout*
*whimper*

but... it's Buffy....:(

[Craig Oxbrow]

If you wanna know, buy ESP Issue 5 - there are EIGHT sinsister rival groups, including time-travelling robots.

Great stuff as always, Craig. And thank you so much for using the Hunt Club!

Steve
And there was me being careful and not using their name. :D

Thank you, thank you.

3.05 already written, up once 3.06 goes into final edit.

[Varyar]

3.05 already written, up once 3.06 goes into final edit.

Yay! Finish it now now now now now :D

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.05: Hiding From the Light

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Matthew: bookish Prentice fresher
Natalie: horsy Prentice fresher
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend

Previously, on The Watch House:

Escher looking over a map of Cambridge, with an irregular seven-pointed shape drawn over it.

Escher: We are protected by a mystical warding shield... Vampires and other "ungodly possessing demons" cannot enter...

A hand holding a glowing amulet on a loose necklace.

William: He had an amulet that let him pass through the Shield.

Victoria Valdermar passing glowing amulets out to a group of vampires.

--
Philip Nevins quickens his pace as he crosses the green. There's definitely someone following him... And now there's someone in front of him. Yellow eyes gleam in the dark...

Philip Nevins lies in the drawer at the coroner's office. Doctor Brown looks at the wounds on his neck and grimaces. He picks up the telephone and dials a number from memory.
Brown: There's a problem... a vampire attack. Inside your Shield.

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake grimaces as Escher sets down the phone.

Jake: It got through the shield?
William: Apparently, yes.
Jake: Not again. The shield's like tissue paper.
Matthew: So he got in and just killed someone?
Andy: Can't they do something original with this power?

William: Can we tell if it's still working at all?
Jake (growling): Throw a vamp at it, see if it bounces.
William: I was thinking of a less extreme test.
Jake: It'd be fun...
Andy: I'll go scout around the area.
Jake: I guess we can go see the coroner. I'm sure he'll be happy to see us, as he always is. Just one death?
Emma: So far.

Cut to the coroner's office. Doctor Brown opens the door for the group arriving.

Andy: Hello Mister Coroner.
Jake: Doctor Brown.
Brown: Yes, yes, come in. The body was in situ.
Matthew: He looks pretty... dead.
Brown: Yes, he would.

Jake gingerly taps Nevins's body on the forehead.

A thin-faced man in a black coat. A glimpse of a snarling vampire face. A feeling of falling, and the man standing over us, wiping blood from his lips and then looking around warily.

Jake blinks and shivers.

Jake: He only saw one of them

His hand is still shaking as he draws a rough sketch of the vampire's human face.

William: So, anything unusual? Apart from the vampires...
Jake: Just the one.
Brown (flatly): So far.
Jake: We'll try and keep it that way. Right?
William: Right. So, where was it?
Brown: On the green by Trinity.

Back in the office, Jake paces restlessly.

William: How many ways through the shield do we know? Magic? Amulets?
Jake: Didn't see an amulet.
William: So, someone forcing the issue?
Jake: Can we tell if there's been any forcing?
Escher: We can't.
William: Emma can tell, right?
Jake: They could also be vamps they made earlier, just popping their heads up now.
Matthew: Earlier?
William: If you create a vampire inside the Shield, that vampire may be immune to its effects. In theory.
Escher: Let's hope this isn't a test.
William: You gonna call her?

Jake nods and retrieves his phone.

Emma duly arrives, looks over the map and blows coloured sand across it.

Emma: Shield's up, captain.
Jake: But you can't tell if it's been forced open?
Emma: Not that I can see.
Jake: Call our wicca friends and double check.
Escher: Anyway, this is all we can do today. I'd suggest going to lectures, then an early patrol inside the boundary.

William heads upstairs to Professor Kelly's lecture on the Enlightenment, and sits by Charlotte.

Charlotte: Are we still on for tonight?
William: ... Well, yeah, sure.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake receives a call.

William: You guys can survive without me, right?
Jake: Yeah...
William: I totally forgot I'm taking Charlotte to a play.
Jake: Oh. Well, have fun.

The group meet up before patrolling. William leaves his axe behind.

Andy: How many vamps have you dusted with that axe? Or is it just for show?
William: Well, I'm sure it's intimidated some of them. (picking it up, chopping the air)
Andy: Yeah. I'm intimidated.

Jake: So we're looking for a vampire, or vampires, with some power we don't know about.
Andy: The demon always says there's some great mysterious power behind all this.
Emma: Just the two of you?
William: Going to the theatre. (looks at his shoes)
Andy: We're old hands. We'll be fine.
Emma: Never say something like that.
Jake: He's not worried. (to Andy) No wolfin' out in public.
Emma: Now he's worried.
Jake: Wanna come?
Emma: Really not. I mean, I can, but... you should ask Matthew and Natalie.

Jake looks at the reading desk where Matthew sits, paging through an issue of Blade.

Jake: Do we really have to?
Emma: Safety in numbers.
Jake: I'd have to look out for them. Matthew's not a fighter and Natalie's...
Emma: Too much of one?
Jake (quietly): yeah.

Andy picks up his baseball bat.

Andy: Hey, how's that taser?
William: Haven't had a chance to test the refinements on... I was about to say 'live' targets...
Andy: I prefer the old-fashioned way.
Escher: If you really did, that would be a cricket bat. Less conspicuous around here, as well.
Jake: We could start a baseball team.
William: Pretend to be golfers?
Jake: Have you seen the way golfers dress?
William: I never thought it was that bad.
Jake: Yeah, you never thought it...

William: Right. I have to get going.
Jake: It's just a couple vamps, it's fine. Keep your secret identity.
William: I think I should tell her...
Emma: Maybe...
Andy: Nah, tell her you're with another woman.
Jake: ... We got your number if something comes up.
William: Right.
Andy: We gonna patrol or just talk about it?
Emma: On you go.
Jake: Door's right there.
Andy: Lead the way... Matthew.
Matthew: ... I was going to stay and research.
Jake: Come on.
Emma: It'll be fine.
Jake: Maybe we should get neck guards.
Andy: Or tattoo crosses around our necks!
Emma: Yeah, that'd be inconspicuous.
William: Come on, I'll go with you on the way to my room.

The patrol starts around Trinity, where Nevins died. Andy pauses by the ground, then looks up and bares his teeth. Whatever those two are they aren't vampires. They're too green and spiky, for one thing.

Jake: We could go up and talk to them. They look a bit lonely...
Emma: Oh yeah, good plan.

The demons look up as the Watch approach.

Jake: Evening, gentlemen. Just visiting?

They look at the group for a moment, share a look, then hiss and charge. Drawing short swords. One of them taking up a shield.

Andy meets them halfway, driving them back towards the trees at the edge of the green. The rest race after him.

Jake: What are they? And what do we do to them? - Ow!

One of them smacks Jake across the back of the head with the pommel of his sword as he shouts behind him.

Matthew: Not that!
Jake: ... Smartarse!

Emma raises her hands and the demon is shoved off-balance by a wall of force, giving Jake time to get up.

Andy swings his bat into the second demon's shield. Jake parries the demon swordsman and presses him back. Andy staggers back as the second demon slashes him across the arm. His eyes light up and he grits his teeth.

Matthew tries to load his crossbow. William covers him with his axe.

Jake jars the sword out of the demon's hand and brings his foot down on it as he lunges to grab it.

Jake: Uh-uh!

He brings his sword down on the demon and it ruptures, covering the ground with brown and white fluid. He steps back to avoid getting any on his shoes.

Jake: Worse'n seagulls... Anybody got a hose?

Andy snarls and rears up to charge the remaining demon. Focusing his thoughts, Jake raises a hand and pins the demon against a tree with his thoughts.

Jake: Find out what it wants!

Andy blinks and his eyes are human again, and he looks a little disappointed.

Jake rubs his jaw, groaning in pain. As he does, the demon slides down the tree, then springs forwards, sword raised.

Emma: Watch out for the -

Andy spins and smashes the demon's skull in.

Emma: - oh, never mind.
Andy: Bugger. Got nothing out of that...
William: Bomahls. With swords. Odd.
Andy: Yeah, because spiky demon things being unarmed is totally normal.
William: Well, they normally go after weak targets and don't bother with weapons unless they're expecting combat...

Emma: You okay?
Jake: Yeah, fine. Fine. Thanks for the help.

Jake looks at the bubbling, dissipating splatters of fluid.

Jake: So these can just get through the shield normally?
William: I'm not sure. Uh... I can stay, if you want. Help with the patrol.
Jake: What are you, my mother? It's fine...
William: Right... See you later then.

He hands over his axe to Jake, and his stakes to Emma.

And as the group split up to go home, we pull back to a thin-faced man watching them... then stepping back into the dark.

William, in suit and tie, knocks on Charlotte's door, straightening his tie as he waits. She answers with a smile, wearing a long powder blue evening dress.

William: Now I feel underdressed.
Charlotte: Too much?
William: No, it's-it's, you look lovely.
Charlotte (smiling): Thank you.

They reach the theatre, he opens the door for her and they step inside. We cut back to the office, and Escher on the phone. Then to patrol, and Jake rubbing his jaw and trying to hang on to a cigarette. William and Charlotte watching, he looking sidelong at her with a smile. Emma looking sidelong at Jake with a concerned frown. Matthew wandering along behind. Andy glaring at the rip in his shirt as his cut heals quickly. And back to William holding the door for Charlotte during the intermission, and heading over to the bar. Where a thin-faced man sits next to him and smirks.

William: Are you who I think you are?
Vampire: Please, no autographs...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

William: So what are you here to do... apart from kill people?
Vampire: I can do that anywhere. I'm here to warn you.
William (flatly): Warn me.
Vampire: It's a "good time to leave town" sort of thing.
William: So, you're just taunting us before we kill you?
Vampire: ... She seems very nice.

William follows his gaze to see Charlotte still in line for the ladies' room.

Vampire: I wonder how she'd look in black.
William: Lay a finger on her...
Vampire: I see, like that is it? Bit of a sore spot for you, obviously. Well then, I'll just be on my way. Pleasure talking to you.

William watches him go, and stealthily turns on his phone.

Jake: What's up?
William: I think our vampire's at the play. Or possibly an entirely different bad guy.
Jake: So what do we do?
William: Note to self. Bring holy water next time I come to the theatre.

Jake informs Andy.

Andy: So what do we do, attack him?
Jake: We won't go in. I wouldn't want to interrupt their date. Just get a scent.
Andy: Vampires usually smell like earth. Well, apart from that girl -
Jake (interrupting): Right.

Jake: Let's pick up Natalie and look around.

Natalie: So will he still be around?
Jake: He might have a car.
Matthew: Cheating bastard.
Andy: How come bad guys never have to make do with bicycles or skateboards?

They return to the office. Jake drops his sword on the desk.

Jake: Got away. Again.
Escher: Right. I would suggest not going home alone.

Jake nods as he answers his phone.

William: Did you find him?
Jake: Sorry.
William: He came right up to me... said he was there to warn me.
Jake: About what?
William: Nothing in particular... Then he said something about Charlotte.
Jake: Good way to get to you.
William: I'm gonna walk her home.
Jake: Don't leave her alone tonight. If there's any trouble we can be nearby. And we can be subtle about it. I'll leave a bag with a stake by her door. Anyway... have a good night.
William: ... Thanks.

He looks back to the group.

Andy: So if we kill him, can I take his car?
Escher: You won't have anywhere to park it.
Andy: God damn Cambridge!

Emma stands up and approaches Jake.

Emma: Um... any chance you could walk me home?
Jake: I... sure. Just gotta drop off a bag for William first.

And we cut to them leaving a small dark parcel by a door and turning away.

Jake: Uh... so, how's things?
Emma: Quiet. Apart from the monsters attacking us and all.
Jake: Yeah, I know the feeling.
Emma: Yeah... um... yeah. Seems to be getting worse again.
Jake: Yeah, it does...
Emma: (indicates her door) Well, this is me.
Jake: Right. Thanks again.
Emma: Hey. You're sure you're okay?
Jake: ... I'll see you.

He steps back, and she watches him go, sighs silently and goes inside. As he turns a corner, he takes the cross necklace off and plays with it, wrapping it round and around his fist.

William opens the door for Charlotte, glancing inside quickly, then steps back and lets her in. He pauses to retrieve the bundle.

Andy strolls home by himself. And get jumped as he walks in his door.

Vampire: Shame that boy's so protective. Guess I'll have to kill someone else to make my point.
Andy: Fine!
Vampire: ... Kids today.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Andy tries to shut the door as the vampire grabs him, his face twisting to reveal his inhuman self.

Andy: I can do that too... RAAAARR!

The vampire lets go as Andy suddenly changes into a growling beast.

Andy: Get in here!

He shuts the door forcibly on the camera. We hear several loud thumps - and then the vampire crashes through the door and flees.

Andy: And don't come back!
Vampire: I won't!

And then he stumbles as Jake steps out of a corridor and kicks his legs out from under him.

Jake: That the best you got?
Vampire: Not quite.

The vamp grabs him by the leg and pulls him down, slamming the back of his head against the floor. He blinks and stretches out to a nearby bench, and it scrapes along the ground towards his hand, striking the vampire from behind.

Andy, reverted to human form and wielding a baseball bat, charges out as Jake forces the vampire against the wall. He gets to his feet and retrieves a stake, forcing it into the vampire's heart.

As the dust settles, a necklace with a glowing greenish stone falls from somewhere around the vampire's stomach. Jake picks it up and watches the glow fade.

And he sees the chip being cut from a standing stone. And the vampire receiving the necklace. A matter of weeks ago.

Supplier: So why'd you need this?
Vampire: I need somewhere to hide out... There's a war coming.

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time, on The Watch House:

Luna spreading out a large map of Cambridge.

Jake pausing as he reaches out to place a hand on a standing stone.

Victoria smirking.

Runic marks on the map, indicating the standing stones that anchor the shield.

A handsome young man leaning back into shade and fiery light becoming visible inside his eyes.

The runes fading from the map.

The next episode of The Watch House is Some Enchanted Evening.

[Varyar]

Andy: And don't come back!
Vampire: I won't!

Genius, all around :)

[colbabe]

Supplier: So why'd you need this?
Vampire: I need somewhere to hide out... There's a war coming.
Oooo. Very Whedon - expect the unexpected. :)

[Craig Oxbrow]

Oooo. Very Whedon - expect the unexpected. :)
That's as good a compliment as I could ask for.

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.06: Some Enchanted Evening

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Matthew: bookish Prentice fresher
Natalie: horsy Prentice fresher
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend

Previously, on The Watch House:

"There's a problem... a vampire attack. Inside your Shield."

Andy and Jake facing off against a smirking vampire.

Jake retrieving a glowing amulet from the dust as it falls, and seeing the vampire buying it...

Supplier: So why'd you need this?
Vampire: I need somewhere to hide out... There's a war coming.

--
Jake paces around the office, frowning. He weighs the necklace in one hand, then closes his fist around it.

Escher: War...
Jake: He knew about us, about Charlotte, about the office... didn't even catch his name... and he had one of these.
William: I never saw the necklace. And I looked.
Jake: I think he swallowed it.
Andy: So how come it didn't turn to dust like his clothes did?
William: Uh...

Escher: War. That's what he said?
Jake: He wanted somewhere to hide. Whatever this war is, it's such bad news that he wanted to hide in Watcher Alley.
Andy: Sounds a bit desperate to me.
William: Or suggests that they have a low opinion of us...
Jake: He doesn't anymore.

Escher: Well, I suppose it would explain the increase in armed demonic incursions...
Jake: A war among demons?
Escher: It would hardly be the first.
Jake: And they're trying to drag us into it.
Escher: Nothing about who the war was between?
Jake: Nobody we're on the side of.

William: Did you see where it came from?
Jake: Yeah, the supplier looked human, but there was something about his eyes...
William: And before that? All the amulets like this we've seen before had one source. The Valdermars.
Jake (to himself): Oh, please don't let them be involved.

Andy looks up and smirks.

Andy: Ooh... she could be involved.
Jake: (Darkly) Not now.
Voice from the door: Oh, is this where you all are? I looked in the office first. And I knocked.

Luna Perkins, coven tech support, smiles cheerfully.

Luna: Any chance of a cup of tea before you go patrolling?

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Guest starring Emma Pierson, Fairuza Balk and Jonny Lee Miller

Luna sits on the desk, looking over the map and sipping tea.

Luna: Mmm. Good tea. Quality tea. So, there's some kind of apocalyptic war coming or something?
Jake: Or something.
Luna: ... Bummer. And the Shield is being compromised?
Jake: They call it a shield. It's more of a... colander.

She nods again, sets down her cup and waves a hand over the map. Runes write themselves around the sites, and fade again.

Luna: Well, it's still there. Hmm...
Emma (quickly): Maybe we should check the stones themselves.

Luna blinks at her.

Natalie and Matthew whisper in the background.

Natalie: Who is she?
Matthew: One of the coven in witches based in Devon who... ensure the Shield is in place and all.
Natalie: And she's what, sixteen?
Matthew: I'm sure she's at least... a year or two older than us.
Natalie: Strangely that thought isn't entirely comforting.

Escher: The Shield has never failed entirely.
William: That we know.
Jake: Plus, demons wandering in. So, looking at the stones...
Escher: Silbury Hall, home to the most exposed stone, has been levelled and pulled down.

Jake looks away as Escher continues.

Escher: The three inside of town are still fine. The other three... two are in clearings and one's on a farm. They seem to be alright...
Luna: So, you're going to go look at the three? If you're going out with your crossbows and your... stun blaster thingies...
William: Taser?
Luna: Uh, yeah.
William: I've upped the output to eleven...
Jake: Hence we all wear rubber-soled shoes.
Luna: I thought that you were just really really stealthy. So, have you run beta testing?
William: Well, I haven't tried the new setting on a moving target.
Jake: This is William talking to girls.
William: So we need to find something creeping around.
Jake: Put a note up in the union. Ten pounds for a test.

Luna: So, how long has it been since you fought... (quietly) apart from last night...
Jake: 'Bout a week.
Luna: See, this is one of the things I like about Devon. Less monster attacks. I mean, we have a small magical barrier but it's purely precautionary. I'd hate to be somewhere... (trails off) So, on our way?
William: Let me grab some more batteries.

And off they go, Luna humming a merry tune. The first places they check pass a cursory examination on their way out of town - stones still visible in the walls between houses - and one of the two in clearings is unharmed as well, but the third house in suburban Cambridge proves to be under observation. As four vampires step out of a car while the night draws in.

Emma starts to prepare a warding spell, but Luna steps in front of her and raises a hand. Two of the vampires are flung sideways, and stop abruptly in mid-air.

Luna: Shield seems to work.
Emma: You can just sense it?
Luna (casually): Sure.
Emma: ...

Matthew: We could just stay inside the Shield, of course?
Andy: And let 'em go?
Matthew: Well, of course n-

Andy charges towards the vampires. Jake groans and draws his sword.

William flicks buttons on his taser. Matthew sidles away from him.

One of the vampires feints and kicks Jake in the stomach.

Jake: Nngh... Good kick...

He replies by raising his sword. William pauses as the vampires retreat behind Jake and Andy.

William: Hey!

The vampire fighting Jake grabs his sword, blood trickling down the edge of the blade as it cuts into its flesh. Jake shrugs and a stake flies out of his jacket pocket, spins in midair and slams into the vampire's chest.

Behind him, Andy smacks another one across the bonnet of the car, headfirst into the Shield. It stumbles away into a side alley. Natalie draws her sword and hurries after it. Matthew cringes, pauses, and then follows.

The remaining pair dive into the car and start reversing away.

William: .Oh well, I wanted a smaller test target, but...

He fires and the car crackles with the electrical impact, swerving into a dumpster and stalling.

Jake: Vamps hanging round near the shield, trying to poke through...
Luna: This happens a lot, doesn't it?
Jake: Now and then -

He is interrupted as the last vampire jumps onto his back and throws him to the ground. Then as it stands over him and prepares to lunge, it's suddenly struck down by a bolt of lightning.

Jake: Nice touch. Done that before?
Luna: Yeah. Now and then.

Jake: Maybe it's time to question one. Got anything to tie up a vamp?
William: We could just taser it again.
Luna: I can whip up some basic bands of elemental force.
Emma (quietly): Basic.

As Emma stands back and keeps watch, turning away and frowning, Luna raises the remaining vampire off the ground by lifting up a hand. It snarls as its feet leave the ground.

Jake: Put that face away. It's not impressing anybody.
Vampire: Rrrrrr...
Jake: This could go quick or slow. You can take a whole lot of pain. I don't want to have to deal out a whole lot of pain. But don't push it.
Vampire: 'Don't push it?' Aheheh. Yeah, I heard one of you was into that whole torture for info thing. And maybe not just for info. (leers)
Jake: Yeah. So, just out for a drive?
Vampire: Cruising around for a bite.
Jake: Not waiting on some friends? Not a problem, vamp on vamp's fine with me. But when you come into our town...
Vampire: So, what's the deal, I betray my side and you kill me less slowly? Ooh, tempting.
Jake: Well, you're immortal. We can keep you around a long time.

Andy cracks him on the head with his baseball bat for effect.

Andy: Any time you feel like talkin'.

Matthew and Natalie return, in something of a hurry, with the last vampire chasing them.

William fires his taser. Matthew and Natalie dive out of the way as the blast of electricity arcs through the air... and strikes a lamppost. The light flashes brilliantly and goes out.

Natalie fires her pistol crossbow and the surviving vamp stops surviving.

William: This thing still isn't working right.
Matthew: Seemed pretty impressive to me.

In the distraction, Luna let the vampire slip. He grabs her by the throat.

Vampire: You know, with all the things in the world, you really aren't all that scary.
Jake: ... You're probably right.

With that, he stakes him.

As they head back, Luna turns to the others.

Luna: So do you normally patrol outside the Shield or inside?
Jake: Usually outside. There are less problems inside it. (looks sidelong at William) But we cover them both in a week. Vampires aren't the only things we have to fight.
William: Yeah, there are lampposts too.
Jake: They're out to get you.
Luna: Still fiddling with the controls?
William: Needs some work to get the kinks out.
Luna: And... the baseball bat?
Jake: You use what you can. Plus, he needs to get out more.
Matthew: Without turning into a monster.
Jake: Or setting the dog catcher on him.

Natalie: Well, we'd like to go looking further, obviously, but it's the Classics Society tonight and I'm rather hopeful about it. And, well, I was rather hoping you might be along to provide moral support? Hm?
Matthew: Erm...

Jake looks at the pile of dust, and spots a glinting greenish stone. He picks it up carefully, and then grimaces and pockets it.

Jake: So... more stones to check.
Emma: ... yeah.

She watches his expression, frowning.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

William opens the garden gate of a stone-walled townhouse. Jake and Andy follow, glancing around warily, as he approaches a standing stone in the centre of the lawn, pulls out his Swiss Army knife and folds out the magnifying glass.

Jake: What is that meant to be?
William: It's a magnifying glass...
Jake: Matthew's glasses are stronger. Anyway, shouldn't the Watchers hang on to a place like this?
William: Well, apparently there was a Watcher family here a century or so ago.
Jake: So what happened?
Andy: Lemme guess, they all died horribly?
William: I, uh, just read that they lived here.
Jake: Oh, very useful.
William: Course, it could have been centuries ago that the pieces were chipped off.
Jake: And they just started using them now?
William: Hmm. Yeah.

They return to the group waiting nearby, Luna apparently tapping at the invisible barrier with a finger.

William: Not that one.
Luna: Good, good. Well, I suppose this is good exercise.
Jake: Yeah, keeps us out of trouble.
Andy: Keeps us out of the pub...
Luna: Oh, don't worry, I'm sure we'll get there eventually.

As Luna continues to test the barrier while they walk, Jake strolls ahead to catch up with Andy.

Jake: I think she wants to experiment on you.
Andy: Whu-?
Jake: Got her eye on you for something.
Andy: Oh.

He grins, a little too enthusiastically.

William: Well, that's good if you don't stay in the lab too late... which I do a lot...

Luna: So, the Shield carries on over here and the new buildings head outside... which would explain those things...

Andy runs up to the three lurching horned figures.

Andy: Hi! Are you evil?
Jake: They're demons. What kind of answer are you looking for?
Demon: Krrrrr…
Andy: One like that. Weapons, anybody?
William: Well, I suppose.

William retrieves a short hatchet from his bag and the groups square off. One of them lunges at Andy, and he grabs it and turns around for William to embed the axe in its skull. Luna backpedals, one of them lopes towards her and smacks into the Shield. She gestures, and it tumbles away again. The third grabs William's hatchet, shoving his aside. Andy jumps in the way, misjudges a grapple and ends up grabbing it by the horns and clinging on to avoid being gored. He jerks back to avoid an axehead in the stomach and knees the demon's hand until it drops it. Jake raises a hand, grits his teeth, and the second demon skids slightly but doesn't stop, so he brings the discarded hatchet around through the air and into its face. He looks around and sees Andy twist the last demon's head around a hundred and eighty degrees.

Jake: One of these days, we really gotta question someone.
William: Bekral. (puff) Basic goons. Not a lot they'd have to say.
Jake: Hired goons?
William: Possibly. They at least understand bartering.
Andy: Guys? I kinda got a hatchet in the chest.
William: Just the side of it.
Luna: So, we go to the pub now?

Andy puts a hand through the gash cut into his T-shirt and waves it around for emphasis, and we cut to the Brody, and Emma joining the group and setting down a pile of books and notepaper.

Jake: So, are you working on spells to stop people chipping bits off the stones?
Luna: Um...
Jake: Even looking? Take your time, it's not urgent or anything.
Emma: Oh, I'm looking at a warning spell.
Jake: Get very far?
Emma: Well, um... y'know. I'm not all coven-y.
Jake: ... Right.

He looks from Emma to Luna and back, then around the group.

Jake: Well, in the meantime, it'd be best to find out what's going on with this war.
Andy: Must be hard being a stone. Standing there, getting chipped at.
William: People taking bits off you with axes.

Andy looks down at his shirt again.

Jake: Till then, we're no closer to finding out what's going on.
Luna: Seems like no.
Jake: So those guys weren't a font of knowledge. And vamps don't wanna answer questions, just gloat.
Emma: When they'd have been better off just hiding from us.
Jake: Vamps really like the gloating.
William: Which is useful when they can't back it up.
Andy: Ever tried shoving a crucifix in their mouths?
Jake: Uh... that... wouldn't help with the talking.
Luna: There are always truth spells. No?
Emma: Uh... no... (looks at her hands)
Jake: We could find out how to do it.
Emma: Yeah.

She looks up and smiles, doing her best to look confident.

Jake: Right. Anyway, this could be demon on demon. Vamp on vamp. Them against us... I guess the vamps that know would be pretty powerful, catching one of them ain't gonna be easy. So I guess we work our way up. Find a spell, find a nest.
William: Find some bait. Haven't seen Jack all year...
Emma: I think he's avoiding us.
William: Wise man.
Jake: And we be careful. Some of our best fighters... aren't around. (he finishes quietly)
William: Yeah.
Andy: I think we did okay. Apart from my shirt. And I'd have been fine, being a were-
Jake: Charlotte!
William: Hi!
Charlotte: Hi guys. And guy I don't know.
William: This is Luna.
Charlotte: Luna.
Luna: Er... yes. Hippy parents.
William: Luna's a friend from Devon, in town for a couple days. Seeing the sights and all.
Andy: We're done planning?
William: Charlotte just turned up.
Andy: So...
William: So... I'm going to get her a drink.

Luna: So, what's with... oh, a normal person.
Jake: Well, as normal as a girlfriend of William's could be.
Luna: Wow. Think about it. Knowing nothing about all this.
Jake: Yeah...
Luna: Um.
Jake: Y'know, like you see on TV, normal life.
Luna: Right. Um...
Jake: (irritably) That thing other people have.

He looks down and sighs.

Charlotte: So, talking about...
William: Studying, research. Y'know.
Andy: ... Maths!
Charlotte: She does maths too?
Andy: ... yes.

Charlotte: So, what sights have you been seeing?
Luna: Well, I want to get a look at some standing stones.
Jake: Gonna take a wander up the hills later.
Charlotte: I thought you did maths.
Luna: I...?

Andy nods quickly behind Charlotte's back, making a cringing "play along" face.

Luna: Yeah! But, er, y'know... hippy parents!
Charlotte: Right. (shrugs)
Luna: Interest in history and all.
Charlotte: Right.

She turns to William.

Charlotte: That reminds me. Has Mister Escher seemed, I dunno... distracted since we came back?
William: Well, um... I haven't really noticed. Maybe he's... doing some research.

As they collect their coats, Jake speaks quietly to William.

Jake: Charlotte's starting to add things up.
William: You think?
Jake: What, you didn't notice? I mean, it's not like we've been keeping our activities to a minimum. Something's up.
William: I know. I should tell her something... but... what do you think I should say?
Jake: Depends what she's thinking. But if you want to keep her safe, you keep her out of the loop.
William: But...
Jake: (sighs) You don't wanna hear this, but what's best for Charlotte is to keep her away from you.

Jake looks at William, then looks down at his cigarette, then stalks out under a cloud.

Emma looks over at them.

Emma: Did the temperature in the room just drop?
William: Uh... we're by the door.
Emma: Right. Ready for our little outing?
William: Maybe we should go to the office first, tell Mister Escher we've found... well, nothing.

As they arrive, they find Escher looking through a collection of prophecies.

Escher: War. Hmm. The coming battles - no, those are years off - the clash of... no - Ah!... No, that's in California... I suppose I should call Mister Giles... oh dear.
Jake: Why do I have the feeling it's that one? Call me pessimistic.
Escher: 'The eye will open and see the city die.' Ominous without being helpful.
Jake: ...Yeah, figures.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake: Okay, just the out-of-town places to try now. A farm, a clearing, and...

They reach the clearing first.

Andy: Nice. Woodlandy.
Jake: So, who owns this bit of land?
William: Some estate agents at the moment.
Luna: You should probably put in a bid.
Jake: Well, nobody's moved the stone while no-one was looking...

Then cut to the farm, and note a figure approaching as they check around the stone, a few yards into the grounds.

Jake: Vampires don't normally wear woolly hats...
Emma: So much for a low profile.
Jake: We need a cloaking device.
William: Hmm... it's challenging but it could be doable...

Sure enough, the woolly-hatted presence announces itself by yelling at them.

Farmer: Bloody New Agers! It's just a rock!
Jake (quietly): I take it from that he isn't a Watcher.
William (quietly): Guess not.
Luna: It's not just a rock!
Jake: C'mon, it's not worth it.
Luna: No respect...
Jake: Yeah, well, we are trespassers...

Luna: Well, I think that one was okay.
Jake: Which leaves one more...

He looks troubled as he gets into the Land Rover. And more troubled still as he looks over the Silbury estate.

William: There's an opened-up wine cellar over there...

Despite this, Jake paces the patch of earth where the Hall stood, stamping and listening for hollows. Emma comes over and puts a hand on his shoulder, and he jumps.

Jake: Where'd you come from?
Emma: ... sorry.
Jake: It's okay. Hold this. (hands her a torch) I want to look in the cellar.

Jake: Nothing.
Emma: That's something. Er... you know what I mean.

She smiles. He tries to, but can't quite manage it. Luna waves them over towards the stone.

Luna: Yeah, this one's had some bits chipped off it. Over a year back, now. Longer.
Emma (impatiently): Well, we knew that.

Jake raises his hand to the stone... pauses, and then touches it.

Lightning arcing down from above. Shouts of battle, swords clashing. Men in robes circling the stone as one wields a chisel. Victoria Valdermar stifling a yawn as the robed men presents her father with a large handful of stone chips. Back, further back. More lightning. Everything goes white...

He opens his eyes to find Emma bending over him, looking concerned. Everyone bending over him looking concerned, actually. Except Luna, who just looks puzzled.

Luna: Does he do that a lot?
William: Yeah, now and then. (to Jake) Want a hand?
Jake: No... I'm fine...

He sits up, against the stone, looking down at where the Hall stood.

Luna: I guess that came from seeing, not from feeling the texture of the rock?
Jake: Yeah. (lights up a smoke) The ritual by the Valdermars to chip off the rock last year. Before we wasted them. Or him, anyway...
William: What size was the chunk?
Jake: Big enough. There could be a dozen more.
William: Oh. On a scale of one to ten... that's bad.
Jake: Depends how bad that dozen are. If they're as bad as Victoria... we're in trouble.
Andy: And if she's around... involved in the war?
Jake: Probably not. At least... I hope not.
Luna: Well, on the bright side, there aren't any newer cracks in the stone. Which is good?
Jake: Can we go? Place gives me the creeps.
Emma: Yeah. Okay.

Jake stands and stares at the grounds of the Hall.

Emma: Come on.

He turns and follows, taking out the silver cross chain and holding it, a tear in his eye.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Luna talks on the phone once the group gets back to the office.

Luna (into phone): Yes. No. I know I - yes ma'am. (to the others) We're looking into it.
Jake: We knew that.
Luna (into phone): Well, it's uncertain. The portents are all in flux and I really need to calibrate -
Jake: Find out if the ritual to make the amulets can only be done when the stones are broken, or some other specific time.
Luna: Right. (back into phone) When can the amulets be enchanted? Then and there or...?

William looks over at the witch, then at Emma.

William: So, Emma, you can do that lightning hand thing too, right?
Emma: Sure I could... given some time to prepare. But I wouldn't want to step on any toes with the taser and all.
William: Right.

Jake scribbles in a notebook, looks at the page, then tears it out and crumples it up. Andy retrieves it from the bin.

Sketches of Milli's face, and of vampires round the borders. Including Victoria's face in both human and vamp form. The sketches are bold and angry. Only the pictures of Milli seem a little calmer.

He puts it back.

William looks up from a book.

William: Apparently the enchantment requires the dark of the moon on midsummer night. Roughly every thirty years.
Escher: So they could have had these things since last year. And we have no idea who has them.
Jake: Great. Covert's so much harder to stop.
William: It's a lot easier when their plans are big and obvious.
Emma: I prefer small and obvious.

As Luna shuts off her phone, Escher talks on his.

Escher: We have traced the supplier. A Gakarn able to pass for a full human, answering to the name of Sullivan. Runs an antique removals business.
Jake: Let's go then.
William: Any luck with that truth spell?
Emma: I -
Luna: No worries.

Jake strides over to the weapons cabinet.

Jake: I don't think we'll need one.
William: Don't get... mental on him.
Jake: Don't worry...
Luna: I didn't need a truth spell to spot that one.

Jake ignores them and pockets a dagger and holy water.

We find Sullivan in the back of a lockup, loading up a grubby van. He turns quickly, as if sensing impeding danger, as the group approach, revealing a handsome young man (Jonny Lee Miller) with something strange about his eyes.

Jake: Hey. You Sullivan?
Sullivan: Possibly.
Jake: We're looking for some antique jewellery.
Sullivan: Anything in particular?

Jake takes out a drawing of the amulet.

Sullivan: Remind me not to deal with that client again.
Jake (flatly): You won't.
Sullivan: Ah.
Jake: Somewhere we can talk? Where we'll all feel secure?
Sullivan: Step into my office.

As he leads Jake, William and Andy to the pub across the street, Sullivan narrows his eyes, and we see a glint of fiery light inside his pupils.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Sullivan settles into a booth with his back to the wall, smiling placidly.

Jake: So. You sold this to a vampire. How's that work?
Sullivan: I know people who know people.
Jake: You're a fence.
Sullivan: Not everyone I deal with has legal bills of sale. Or official records that they exist. And sometimes I pick things up that you wouldn't see at Sotheby's.
Jake: So you just happened to pick this up? Who from? If you want to have clients ever again after this meeting.
Sullivan: Some minor-league goon who wanted to never ever go to your town again. I bought his little keystone for a fair price, and sold it for a more than fair price. Quite the collector's item.
Jake: How many more have you got?
Sullivan: Not a one.
Jake: You wanna leave here with your kneecaps?
Andy: Giftwrapped if you want.

Sullivan arches an eyebrow and smirks.

Jake: He said there was a war coming.
Sullivan: That he did. And when war comes, I wanna be Switzerland. Y'know, not Belgium.
Andy: Ideally there'll be no war at all. Help us with that. We can... I dunno, something.
Sullivan: Very convincing.

Jake: Who's it between?
Sullivan: Well, for the record, not everything is about you people. I mean, not everything is about people at all...
Andy: Talk.
Sullivan: Right. Yes. Look, the walkin' corpse was told there was a way to get into your little magic forcefield barrier thing. The way he told it I figured he just wanted to lay low. Ride things out, huh? But since you're talking to me, clearly this was not the case. Maybe his particular bloodsucker death cult wants the strategic advantage.
Jake: Meaning?
Sullivan: They control who comes in and goes out. They kill your litter of puppies and they'd have access to your library as well. They lay low and you wouldn't think to look for them. And they'd be protected just like you are.
Jake: From who?
Sullivan: The other side. Or sides. He wasn't entirely clear on that.
Jake: So we might see more refugees? Or one of the groups trying to get in?

Sullivan leans closer, silhouetted by the light from a side window, two circles of burning light clearly visible in his shaded eyes.

Sullivan: Maybe. But you hold the high ground. And they all want it.

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time, on The Watch House:

Sullivan on a payphone, looking around warily.

Sullivan: Hello... Yeah, that's me.

Intercut with the Watch fighting a group of snarling demons...

Sullivan V/O: Yeah, they might be looking into the whole magic necklace situation.

Jake looking around warily as something humanoid climbs across the ceiling above him...

Sullivan V/O: So you might want to hold off using them for the time being...

Escher irritably pouring out a bottle of milk...

Sullivan V/O: I don't know. Try sending somethin' else...

Natalie being snagged by a noose around the leg and swinging upside down from a tree...

The next episode of The Watch House is Goblins.

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.07: Goblins

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Matthew: bookish Prentice fresher
Natalie: horsy Prentice fresher
Sullivan: mildly demonic magic-item fence

We open on Jake setting down his guitar and answering his phone.
We cut to Sullivan, talking on a payphone. He glances around suspiciously, eyes glowing orange whenever his face falls into shadow.

Sullivan: You wanted to know about interest in my sideline, didn't you.
Jake: Yeah...
Sullivan: Well, you didn't hear this from me. But the fella I got that little widget from says that he got it from this gang of... like-minded individuals who were trying to move in on your town last year. They've had the good sense to cut that out since then, but they might have sold the half-dozen widgets they had between them. So you might reasonably expect to see some more.
Jake: Can you be a bit more precise?
Sullivan: Naturally if I should happen to hear of one changin' hands you'll be the first to know.
Jake: Good. I'd hate to have to come looking for you for more information.
Sullivan: Yeah. I'd hate that too.

He hangs up and dials another number.

Sullivan: Hello... Yeah, that's me. Yeah, they might be looking into the whole magic necklace situation. So naturally I thought you should be the first to know. So you might want to hold off using them for the time being. I don't know. Try sending somethin' else...

And we cut to the King's College skyline, as something rears its head up to gaze at the half-moon above the Chapel. The thing leaps from rooftop to rooftop, clinging like a monkey. We hear a high cackling noise, and roll...

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

We find William and Matthew reading, looking up as Jake paces the office floor. Andy fiddles with the coffee machine. Natalie idly braids a lock of her hair. Escher and Emma listen as Jake talks.

Jake: So that's what he said. Not that we can trust his word. He's probably selling information about us as well.
Escher: And probably understating the numbers involved?
Jake: Yeah. So it could be half a dozen vampires, maybe twice that.
Andy: Six? Six is nothing. We can deal with six. Of course, if twice that get in... and start making more...
Jake: Look what the Valdermars did. Two. Only takes a couple more like that and we're in serious trouble.
Andy: But we got rid of everyone there.
Jake: Yeah, got rid of everyone there. And with Victoria, we never saw dust.
Escher: Well. All we can do for now is keep up patrols.
Andy: Right. Let's go hunt vampires.

As Andy strides over to the weapons cabinet, Escher raises an eyebrow.

Emma: He seems enthusiastic.
Andy: Yes, I am, aren't I?
Jake: Insert 'time of the month' joke here.
William: Inside the Shield or outside?
Jake: Both, I guess.
William: Right. Gimme the axe. Ahh, my axe is all shiny...

Jake shakes his head.

Jake: Patrols just seem so bloody random. We should be doing something more...
William: Proactive?
Jake: Instead of reactive.

He shakes his head, picks up his sword and out they go.

And as they wander, trying not to look around too warily, Jake pauses, glances behind him, and loosens the strap holding his sword in its sheath. Emma nods and flexes her fingers. Andy takes a deep breath, tasting the air. William adjusts his stance.

Jake (quietly): Let's head into an alley so they can jump us.

They wait in the shadows, weapons at the ready... and nobody follows them in.

Andy: Man, we're stealthy.
Jake: Your knees are a bit loud.
Andy: It's the big boots.
Emma: I'm not even going to ask...

As they wait, two unfamiliar greyish demons pass the alley without spotting them.

Andy: Maybe we were too stealthy?
Jake: What are they, anyway?
William: Vuhans.
Matthew: More demonic footsoldiers.
Jake: Weaknesses?
William: The usual.

He tries to demonstrate by raising and firing a crossbow. It misses the rear Vuhan and both of them turn.

Andy fires as well, and misses as well. Natalie doesn't even manage to fire.

Natalie: Shouldn't we have hit them? One of us, even?
Matthew: They don't have a distortion effect or anything... These are Vuhans, basic -

Jake fires a crossbow bolt and it strikes a nearby bin.

Matthew: You may be right.

Jake sighs and draws his sword as the demons advance, simultaneously raising the newly-skewered bin behind the demons' heads.

Emma starts to prepare a holding spell.

William runs forwards, axe swinging, and the Vuhan jerks back to avoid the blade, while the other ducks the flying bin.

Natalie: Uh... what about holy water?
Matthew: Did you bring any?
Natalie: (smugly) Of course I did.

William shoves the Vuhan as he regains his balance, then the holy water splashes across it and sizzles - what little of it didn't splash on William.

The second clumsily smacks Jake, and he manages to slash it across the stomach.

Andy: Quit dodging, you... evil... being!

Andy overshoots with his bat and the second Vuhan elbows him in the ribs.

William finally scores a direct hit and the first demon collapses in a heap, while Andy bounces off the wall and collides with the second as it tries to punch Jake in the face. He grabs its arm and hacks it halfway off. As it staggers away, Andy bodyslams it against a wall, slips on its blood and slides down to the pavement with it.

Emma lowers her hands mid-gesture.

Natalie: Next time we're ambushing someone, we might want to consider a less cramped location.
Matthew: Should we pick our bolts back up?
Jake: What was that all about?

As he looks over the group, they hear a cackling voice from above them.

Boggart: I figured you needed a bit of a warmup there.

That said, it vaults down, teeth bared and hands clawed...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

It lands on Andy's head, covering his eyes with its hands. He flails around as he struggles to pull it off.

Jake: Okay, what are you?

It looks at him with tiny yellow eyes, grins, and leaps back up, bounces off Andy's head and jumps away over the rooftops.

Andy: Ow.
Jake: Great... We have to track that down.
Emma: Right. Uh... what was it?
Matthew: It... er...
William: Kind of looked like a bald grey monkey.
Emma: Wearing a backpack. And little boots.
Jake: Right. Okay, we clean these things up, head back and do some proper research on whatever that thing was. (rubs his side) Because I don't think I can take much more of this.

And so our heroes limp back to the office and the first aid kit. Escher's eyebrows rise as he sees them.

Escher: What did you find? Did they ambush you?
Jake: Yeah.
William: Yeah.
Natalie: ... No.

They look at her, and she quickly adds:

Natalie: But there was something else. Might have been putting our aim off somehow.
William: It was very small.
Emma: And kind of... springy.

Escher looks at them blankly. Andy looks at his shirt.

Andy: And I think it slimed me... nah, that's just more demon goo.
Jake: It said that this was some kind of warmup. So we should look for...
William: A small annoying thing that doesn't like us.

Jake hands Escher a rough sketch.

Jake: So what is it? A demon?
Escher: No. It sounds like a goblin.
Andy: Say what now?
Escher: A boggart, specifically.
Andy: As in, give it a saucer of milk and it won't trash your house?
Emma: No, that's a cat.
Escher: Milk is significant, though. They can curdle it...

He picks up the carton of milk by the coffee machine, sniffs it and grimaces.

Escher: ... in no time at all.

He goes to empty it into the sink.

Escher: They're known for tormenting people with annoying pranks and assorted other nonsense.
Jake: So it's here to annoy us. If annoying us means calling those things down on us...
William: That might not be connected.
Natalie: But maybe it's why we all... sucked.
Emma: They were pretty clumsy too.
Escher: We need to find out what it's after, then we might be able to trap it long enough to dispel it. Failing that, there's always iron.
Jake: And what can it do, apart from curdling milk and being bouncy?
Escher: Good question. Compared to demons, these things are ciphers, never captured, never killed, never able to be studied. All I know is that they can be called and dispelled, like nature spirits.
Jake: Any experts on nature spirits? In the coven maybe?
William: Dispelling it should work.
Jake: Good.
William: No idea how, though.
Jake: Damn it...

Next morning, Jake wakes early to a familiar noise at an unfamiliar closeness. Opening his curtains, he sees a cow looking in at him.

Jake: Sassafrassin'...

Jake: Okay, this has gotta stop.

Escher looks up from his morning paper and arches an eyebrow.

Jake: Looks like our little friend was out and about last night. And it's not our job to clean up after it.
Escher: It just turned the cows loose?
Jake: Looks like. Although I suppose it actually could be the rugby club. Or the medics.
William: Or Jack.

Escher: I wonder if it soured their milk as well.
Jake: What is it with this thing and bloody dairy products?
Escher: It may not be able to cross a line of pure cream.
Jake: ... So, we get a can of spray cream and use that to trap it.
William: Er...
Jake: What? It isn't any sillier than garlic.
William: Sounds like a stupid idea.
Jake: Of course it's a stupid idea.

And off he goes to arrange it.

Emma: So, what are we doing with all this whipped cream?
Jake: Warding off a boggart. You should know, it's a Scottish thing.
Emma: Maybe a Highland thing... So we can ward it off, but we need a way to find it.
Jake: That's the... problem. Hear that?

We pan up as Jake looks around warily to show the Boggart climbing across the ceiling above him...

William: That'll be the boggart. Ready to throw cream at it?
Jake: Maybe we can make a circle around the office.
Escher: There are walls in the way. And carpet on the floor.
Boggart: And me already inside!

The Boggart drops onto Escher's desk, stopping nose-to-nose with the Watcher, and grins cheerily.

Jake circles around behind it, raises a hand, and it lifts off into the air... then slips out of his mental grasp with a cackle. He charges forwards and grabs it the old-fashioned way. It hisses and kicks him on the jaw.

Jake: That... wasn't nice. And after I bought all this cream for ya.

William raises a pot of clotted cream, and the boggart dives out of Jake's grip, pulling him down and leaving a white line across Escher's newspaper.

Emma raises a hand and starts to incant. The boggart peers at her and points.

Emma: Hold this foulness, bind it tiughnnn... nnngn? Mmmnnuhnnn! Mmn!

Boggart: The amulet of Aklai for the witch's voice.
Emma (angrily): Mnunn uh wuk!

And then it climbs up the wall like a spider. And up onto the ceiling, and across it, sword and backpack dangling, and somersaults out through the window.

Jake: Well... bollocks.
Emma: Mnuh! (nods in agreement)

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

William collects the last of the spilt cream with a paper towel. Emma mumbles incoherently. Escher irritably pours out a bottle of milk and fetches down a volume on magical amulets.

Jake: Well, at least we know what it wants.
Emma: Annurrrr.
Jake: Do we have it?
Escher: Apparently so. The amulet of Aklai, used in... driving rats out of houses?
Jake: Er...
William: That... doesn't sound too bad...
Escher: Depends how many rats.
Jake: I think handing it over would be a bad idea anyhow.
Emma (irritably): Nnn shuv.
William: Here, maybe a coffee will help. With cream?

Jake: How hard would it be to make a copy?
Escher: To fool a mortal? Not hard at all. To fool one of these? Could be impossible. They might be able to see magic like you and I see colour.
Jake: Could you maybe make one, not very powerful?
Emma: Mnurrmi.

Emma shakes her head and retrieves a notebook and pen from her bag, and writes NORMALLY.

Jake: Ah. Okay, we arrange some kind of trade?
William: Maybe it's just luring us out on a false trail? It is a crafty little... boggart.
Jake: Okay. Here's what we do. We meet it on the green. With the amulet. Get a weed sprayer or something to put the cream down faster.
William: And circle around?
Jake: Right. You and Escher can distract it with the amulet.
Emma: Fff unnurk...
William: Hm?
Jake: Emma wants her voice back.
Emma: duh.
Natalie: So let me be clear on this. We're trying to trick a trickster that's been playing tricks for thousands of years.
Jake: Yup.
William: And trapping ourselves inside a twenty-foot circle with it.
Natalie: Good good. As long as we're clear...
Jake: It doesn't get what it wants.
Emma: Nnness...
Jake: Unless we don't have a choice, yeah.

Escher: I suppose it depends how much it wants the amulet.
Jake: It had better want it. I mean, it stole Emma's voice.
Emma: Hrrml.
Matthew: And kicked you in the face.
Jake: Didn't hurt much. (rubs jaw)
William: So, what if this doesn't work?
Jake: Well, we could just give it the amulet and let it go again. But I don't think that's a precedent the Watchers want to set. (looking at Escher, raises an eyebrow questioningly)
Escher: Er, no.
Jake: And definitely not one they want to keep up.

Escher and Jake exchange looks. William breaks the silence.

William: I know! We could use net guns!
Matthew: Ah...?
William: Well, it looked like Jake couldn't hold it...
Jake: Yeah, it was... slippery.
William: Right. And... net guns. You know.

William nods enthusiastically. Everyone else gives him a blank look. Then Jake thinks of something.

Jake: Hmm. Actually, that gives me an idea. How good are you with a lasso?

And cut to the group out on the green, with William and Natalie sitting on their bicycles and Matthew, standing next to Natalie, carrying a bucket of cream.

Jake: Can we leave this plan out of the report?

Jake looks down at the grimy-looking brass trinket in his hand.

William: Okay. This is a good plan.
Jake: It's not a good plan. Whatever you call it, it's not a good plan.
Natalie: He's right. It's not.
Jake: I mean, the A-Team could do it.
William: The who team?
Jake: Never mind.

He turns to Emma and gives her a reassuring look.

Jake: Okay. This is what we're going with.
Emma: Mm. (expression of 'you're bloody joking, right?')
Jake: Either way, you get your voice back first. This is just on the off-chance we can stop it getting away.
Emma: Mnrmm. (sulky expression)
Jake: Okay. William and Natalie on bikes. Any suggestions?

Emma puts her hand up and quickly writes GET MY VOICE BACK.

Andy arrives as the sun sets, carrying another bucket of cream (and wiping a bit off his mouth).

Andy: So, this is the plan? Really?
Jake: Yeah.
Andy: This is the lamest plan I've ever heard.
Jake: I know...

And as they discuss the lameness of the plan, Jake looks up at a nearby tree and holds up the amulet.

Jake: Come and get it.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

As they stand on the green, the Boggart vaults down from the tree and skitters towards them, pausing ten feet away.

Jake: So. Letting the cows loose. Even the rugby club try that one.
Boggart: It's a classic for a reason. And besides, all that milk in one area. Unhealthy.
Jake: What do you want with an amulet for warding off rats anyway?
Boggart: I got rats in me house. (shrugs)
Jake: Oh.
William: You couldn't just put traps down?
Boggart: Tried that. Find magic works better. They're probably there from magic anyways. Think one of my old girlfriends set 'em on me.
Jake: What's wrong with asking to borrow it?
Boggart: You mortals seem to think I have a dishonest face.

As it talks, it approaches, looking up at Jake and the amulet, help high above it.

William and Natalie take off in different directions... hauling a rope between them, soaked in cream as it rises from the bucket.

Boggart: Clever.

As they're halfway to forming a circle, the Boggart gestures and the front wheel comes off William's bike.

Will gets to his feet, grabs the rope and runs towards Natalie.

Boggart (hissing): Yer girl wants to talk again, doesn't she? Give it and that'll happen. Don't and it won't, even if you cut me down with iron.
Emma (worried): Mnn!
Jake: You're bluffing.
Boggart: Wanna bet her voice on that?

Jake shouts across to William, as he reaches Natalie and completes the... ovoid of cream-soaked rope.

Jake: Do these things make a habit of lying?
William: I think they can lie.
Boggart: Well then. What to do, what to do, what to do?

Jake lowers his hand and lets the boggart take the amulet, without letting go of the chain around it.

Jake: Restore Emma's voice.
Boggart: Done.
Emma: I... oh, thank God.
Jake: Now go. And promise never to be seen in Cambridge again.
Boggart: Ah... sod it. Just a bunch o' rats.

And with that, it lets go of the amulet, bounces off Jake as he staggers back, grabs the amulet again and pulls.

Andy charges. The boggart yelps, leaps up and elbows Jake so that he falls, landing on the rope. Jake grips the amulet and shoves the thing away. The boggart lets go, clambers over him, scuttles across the green and leaps into the trees, and away.

Emma: Well. That's... a lot of cream.
Jake: Maybe we should get some strawberries.

Natalie gets off her bicycle, follows the boggart into the trees, is snagged by a noose around the leg and swings upside down from a tree...

William: Okay, that's it. We're going.
Natalie: Hello? Little help here? Guys?

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time, on The Watch House:

The group arriving at the British Museum, and finding the Watcher old guard looking at them.

Jake: I'll be in the bar.

The next episode of The Watch House is London's Dark. Guest starring Harris Yulin, Ian Richardson, Nathaniel Parker, Bernard Hill, Celia Imrie and Emma Pierson.

--

DVD Commentary

(The thing leaps, clinging like a monkey.)
Jamie: It's a cackling monkey!
Derek: A winged monkey on rollerskates!

(Emma loses her ability to form coherent words.)
Derek: Jake's being very good about this. I mean, this is his ex.
Craig: Well, Jake's a good guy.
Derek: Still... there's an outtake when he just goes "YES!"
Craig: And Laura (Fraser) smacks him upside the head.

--
Actual Play bit

The Boggart didn't originally cause bad luck - but during the patrol fight when it was just watching, we had an uncanny number of 1s and 2s on the dice.

[Varyar]

I love the Boggart. I need to use him now ;)

The group arriving at the British Museum, and finding the Watcher old guard looking at them.

And I need to use the British Museum, too.

Great episode. Poor Natalie at the end there. :D

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.08: London's Dark

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control

Luna: scatty witches' coven tech support
Abigail: niece of the leader of the Hunt Club
Sylvia: London Watcher student
Daniel: London Watcher student

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Mr. Grove: William's jolly sword-wielding father
Mrs. Grove: William's amiable crossbow-toting mother
Chase: Watchers' Council security agent

Previously, on The Watch House:

The Watch being cross-examined by the Council at the annual In Camera Lectures.

Abigail Spenser-Churchill levelling a hunting rifle at Andy.

Abigail: I find it all rather silly. Secret societies hunting monsters...
Jake: Quite.

Luna smiling affably at Andy.

--
A familiar Land Rover passes Trafalgar Square. Inside, we find Escher driving, William reading a programme of events, Jake staring out of one window and Andy pointing through another.

Andy: The sign said -
Escher (irritably): I rather think I know the way to the British Museum, thank you.
Jake: So. London. Why?
Escher: The Council seemed to want to hold the annual lectures close to home this year.
Jake: Us. London. Why?
William: Well, we're one of the listed subjects. Well, not us... but the rumours of war around Cambridge. As well as the chaos in Jamaica since... last summer. Uh, among other things. (looks at the other side of the pamphlet) Like... the indications of military involvement at the Sunnydale Hellmouth site, increased sightings of Fae beings throughout Britain, the society's Y2K compliance issues -
Jake: That's your department.
William: More Matthew's, actually. Books don't have processor issues with dates...

Sure enough, the group arrive at the British Museum, park in a spot reserved for visiting experts with Escher putting the appropriate pass in the window, and head inside.

Heading through to a lecture hall attached to the Reading Room, they find the Watcher old guard all in attendance. Messrs Travers, Chase and Wyndam-Pryce turn and look at them.

Jake: Oh, nice. They're all here. I'll be in the bar.

CREDITS!

Guest starring Harris Yulin, Nathaniel Parker, Bernard Hill, Celia Imrie, Justine Waddell, Tom Hollander, Keeley Hawes and Emma Pierson. Special appearance by Prunella Scales.

[Craig Oxbrow]

Escher heads off to greet the Groves as they head into the lecture hall.

William: I see Dad drove down early...
Jake: Well, look on the bright side. We can go sit at the back with the big kids.

Doing so, they find themselves sitting next to a young man and woman (Tom Hollander and Justine Waddell).

Sylvia: Sylvia Bailey, Daniel McConnell. Watcher Prentices of University College London.
William: William Grove. Watcher Prentice of Cambridge. And Jake.
Daniel: ... Ah.
William: Nice to see we're not alone for a change.
Sylvia: Hello, hello...
William: I was expecting the group from Oxford to be here as well.

Cut to the Oxford Watchers' invigilator Prudence Pryce (Prunella Scales) looking out of the passenger seat of a van as a ten-foot monster wraps a tentacle around it...

Jake: Maybe they slept in.

Sylvia: So, the next lecture is on, ah...
William: (checks) Fairy rings.
Jake: That sounds... uh... why am I here?
Sylvia: To go out in London?
Jake: That's right. (nods sagely)
Daniel: I'm shocked.
Sylvia: Yeah...

Luna Perkins, the Devon witches' coven technical advisor, waves and comes over.

Luna: Hiya.
Andy: Hey. We're... uh... bar. That way.
Luna: You're going? But you just got here. And you'll miss the talk on the Y2K problem. And the other talks on all the other millennium problems.
Sylvia: So, vodka?
Daniel: Plan.
Andy: But it's such bollocks. The millennium isn't until the end of next year.
Luna: And yet, omens and portents. And computer bugs. And besides, there's the whole Julian and Gregorian calendars thing. And then you factor in the rotation of the planet and the point when the date changes and the alignment of the sun and moon and tidal factors...

Jake looks around, and notices Abigail Spenser-Churchill coming in, setting down a boutique bag. She waves casually.

Jake: Hi. How'd you swing an invite?
Abigail: Wasn't hard.
Jake: And... why'd you swing an invite?
Abigail: Always helps to keep an ear to the ground. Plus, the shopping.

Sylvia: When is this thing supposed to end?
Daniel: Seven. Unless we stay for the drinking. In that case, Tuesday.

Andy: So why's the Y2K thing important anyway? It's not like the Watchers put anything on computer, is it? Or are we expecting vampires in power armour?

Everyone looks at him.

Abigail: You could always hit them with your computers.
William: I've been working on an electrical discharge rifle... uh... but that's not exactly the same thing. (looks at his feet)

Sylvia looks at her programme for the next lecture.

Sylvia: Oh no, it's Walter Kenton.
Jake: And that's...
William: (reads) 'The society of Watchers' foremost expert on the preservation of rare and antique volumes.'
Jake: Oh. I'm sure... Matthew would have liked to see that.
William: Oh no, his father and Kenton don't speak. Something about the ethics of restoring gilt leaf on book spines.
Jake: ... Right.
Sylvia: Didn't he give the same lecture last year?
William: And two years before that.

Jake gives William a look, and heads for the bar. This is generally accepted as a good choice, and followed.

Jake: So you two are training to be Watchers.
Sylvia: Indeed. Dyed in the wool, born and bred, so on and so forth.
Jake: You go patrolling?
Sylvia: Now and then. Since we're around the corner from the Council hall we don't see much.
Jake: Good. Next pub?

William: Just think, this is the next generation of Watchers. This might be important at some point.
Jake: All the more reason to go to the pub with them now.

Abigail: So, no patrolling?
Daniel: Well, looking for vampires is acceptable...
Jake: Er, I was kinda hoping to get away from that actually.
Luna: Yeah. I'm gonna head back for the symposium on stellar portents. Ping me if you find any vampires.

She heads back.

Jake: ... Did she just tell us to ping her?

As we show off our location shooting on the way back, the group passes a pair of backpackers. Jake watches them go by.

Jake: So, are we supposed to book ourselves into a youth hostel?
Daniel: Rooms are provided. They're not exactly spacious though.
Jake: Living in a small, cramped room... must be good preparation for a coffin. Or working in London.
Luna: I suppose it encourages you to get out and meet... things.

Assorted bags are dropped in assorted rooms.

Andy: Yeah, this is... small.

Jake finds Escher in the bar with the Groves.

Mr. Grove: Hello, lad, you look... rather lost.
Jake: We're gonna check out the nightlife. So to speak. We should be back in time for breakfast...
Escher: Be careful.

Cut to Jake at the door of a nightclub.

Jake: How much to get in?
Sylvia: Well, we could go to the even shadier looking club down the street.
Jake: You read my mind. That's kinda scary...

Cornershop's Brimful of Asha almost drowns out the conversations.

Abigail: If I turn around and there's someone looking at my arse...
Jake: You'll... consider whether he's cute?
Abigail: Well, yes.

Jake: We've been here like half an hour and nothing's attacked us. I love London!
William: Apart from the prices.
Jake: I love London apart from the prices!

Stumbling back, they head to the assorted dormitories.

Jake: We should get out of town more often.
Sylvia: You sound like you're fighting monsters every week.
Jake: Seems like.
Sylvia: Gosh. They usually have to take us out of the city to find something more involved than the odd ghost.
Jake: Obviously vampires can't afford the prices here.
Sylvia: That may be it.
Jake: You should come to Cambridge then.
Daniel: Maybe... don't think so.
Sylvia: Most of the first-years would love to take on some vampires.
Daniel: ...

Luna: The portent lecture was... shoulda been there.
Abigail: Oh well.
Luna: I recorded it!
Abigail: My life is complete...

They retire to their assigned rooms. Some fall asleep quickly. Jake doesn't. He flicks through a music magazine. Until he hears a struggle from somewhere nearby.

Heading out into the hall, he finds one door open. Looking inside, he finds Walter Kenton slumped by his bed, his neck broken. Jake grimaces.

Jake: Typical. Damn it.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake knocks on Escher's door.

Jake: This is your early breakfast call...
Escher: Whurh?
Jake: Well, actually, no, Kenton's dead. Thought you should know.
Escher: I'll... get up then.

The door opens and Escher blinks at Jake blearily.

Jake: I'm assuming it's not a Watcher who's heard the same talk too many times.

Then Jake goes to William's door. The three of them split up to start knocking in doors.

Escher: I'll rouse the Council who are staying.
Jake: Okay, you check on Wyndam-Pryce and all, I'll... go the other way.
William: I should get my parents.
Jake: I'll see if anyone on this floor heard or saw anything.

Jake hammers on Sylvia's door.

Sylvia: ... wha-huh?
Jake: Just checking you're alive.
Sylvia: I didn't drink that much.
Jake: Kenton's dead.
Sylvia: ... oh.

By now, something of a hue and cry has started.

Jake reaches Abigail's door, to find her removing a sleep mask and assembling a tranquilliser rifle.

Abigail: So, what's going on?
Jake: Something bad.
Abigail: Ah, the school motto.

Jake walks right in on Andy.

Andy: ... Dude... put some trousers on.

Jake looks around as Watchers start checking on each other... and notices something transparent dart across the hallway out of Kenton's room. Nobody else sees it, so he carries on in its wake, into a now-empty room and then right through the wall. And another wall, and another...

William looks in on Luna. As his parents come out of their room.

Mr. Grove: Are we... interrupting something?
William: Ah... no?
Mrs. Grove: It rather looks like...
William: There's a... girl in this room.
Mr. Grove: Yes. Er, excuse us...

They leave in something of a hurry. William cringes at Luna, who just shrugs.

Jake: It's about human-sized... nobody can see it normally.
Abigail: So, we're looking for nothing. Right, where are we going?
Jake: Outside. Leave the gun.

Abigail considers this advice, and brings the gun along anyway.

Jake: Right. I think I spotted it. Transparent, humanoid-ish... goes through walls. Flying.
Travers: An ethereal Boravdos. One of the better assassins one can summon without human sacrifice.
William: And normal people can't see them.
Sylvia: Which would make him (indicates Jake) ab-normal...
Jake: William... shut up.
William: ... right.
Jake: As you presumably know, some people have a gift. Or a curse.
Sylvia: Well, yes. So, is there a way to track this thing for those who have to go without?
Luna: Candles!

Everyone looks at her.

Luna: ... It needs candles.

As Luna goes to look for a light source, Jake starts pacing.

Jake: So until we find it there's nothing to kill. So, you can put the gun down.
Abigail (sulkily): Hmph.
Sylvia (encouragingly): But since we're going out, we should get changed.
Abigail (brightening): Oh, yes! Good point. It'll be cold out, I can wear my new scarf.

Jake: So, with all these Watchers to choose from, why assassinate a book restorer?
Escher: The book trade is rather cutthroat...

Jake: How long will this take?
Luna: How long's a piece of string?
Jake: Depends what you need it for.
Luna: ... Well, I need candles, fire and ice...
Mrs. Grove: Tea?
Luna: No, I don't need tea... oh, wait, you meant - yeah, thank you.

Luna: Okay... don't move.

She lights a candle. And then a set of matches stuck into fun-size chocolate bars to keep them upright.

Luna: This is a locator spell. And after last time I brought an A to Zed.
Jake: Last time, checking the shield?
Luna: No, last time I was in London. I, uh, got lost looking for Oxford Street.

She flips through the book, closes her eyes, stops on a random page and jabs on it with her finger.

Luna: Charing Cross Road.
Sylvia: Bookshops. Lots of bookshops.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Luna looks around at the group.

Luna: Should we tell the Watchers?
Daniel: I'm sure we can handle it.

Daniel hefts a small crossbow, and looks over to see Abigail hiding her tranquilliser rifle in Jake's guitar case. Sylvia puts another stake in an inside coat pocket.

William finds his parents waiting as the group reaches the door, carrying weapons with their usual casual ease.

Mr. Grove: You're going after the summoner, then.
William: Ah... yes.
Mrs. Grove: You'll need this.

She hands her son a flask.

William: Thanks Mum.
Jake: ... What is it?
Mrs. Grove: Tea.

Mr. Grove loads a crossbow borrowed from the UCL training area.

Mr. Grove: We'd come with you, but the spring action on these things is inexcusable.
William: Don't worry about it. Look after everyone here.
Mr. Grove: Of course. Take care in the big city, son.

The group pile out of a pair of black London taxis, carefully carrying their assorted concealed weapons.

Daniel: So, which store is it?
Luna: Let me just compare the GPS...
Jake: Call me psychic, but I think it's that one.

He points to the antiquarian bookstore, in a block of them, which still has lights on upstairs.

Jake: Anyone awake this late is up to no good.
William: Except us.
Jake: No, us included.

They creep around the side to the stockroom door.

Luna: Oh, I don't think this is the right one. I mean, Mrs. Bartendale recommends Mr. Jenkins whenever one of the coven is looking for something hard to find.
Jake: So he's a competitor.
Luna: Well, I suppose -
Jake: Door's locked.
Sylvia: Smash it?
Jake: Let's not be too hasty.

He sets to work and soon the door swings open.

Luna: I should check it for warding spells. That would be a good sign of guilt.

Jake goes inside before she can do so. Inside, he finds three vampires playing cards.

Andy: Hey, it's dark!
Jake: Shh-!

One of them shouts a warning, and someone briefly glimpsed in the door behind them pulls it shut after they dive through.

Then there's a ripple in the air and Jake is knocked sideways.

Jake: I think we found it.

Luna: Ice and fire, steam and smoke...
Sylvia: Do you have to do that now? We found it.
Luna: It's still invisible! (tuts)

Jake points with his thumb in the direction of the thing only he can see.

William: Thumbs up, that means everything's okay!

Luna finishes her chant and the air thickens, revealing a still-transparent figure, its head faceless except for a cavernous mouth as it screams, turning in the air and heading for the wall.

Andy smashes the door open, and the group advances, out of the stockroom and into the storefront. They pause as they find Mr. Jenkins glaring at them and his cohorts advancing.

Jake: You really didn't wanna do that.

He raises a hand and shoves at the air, and one of the bookshelves topples over.

Jenkins: Not the books!

Abigail takes this as her cue and points her rifle at the nearest bookshelf.

Luna: Don't move or the coffee table books get it!

The vampires look at their employer.

First Vampire: Watchers!
Second Vampire: I told you this would happen.
Jake: You should listen to your pets.
Jenkins: Well, too late now.

He points, and the vamps and demon surge forwards.

Andy meets one with his baseball bat, William fires his taser darts into another. He looks down at them, grabs the wire, and pulls, jerking Will off his feet towards his fist.

Luna drops a haphazard circle of black powder around her feet, raises her lighter... flicks at it... and a ball of fire streaks across the room and engulfs the demon.

Jake: You know we're in the middle of a bookshop, right?
Luna: Ah, um...
Daniel: Run!

Sylvia looks behind the cash desk, finds a fire extinguisher and puts out the flames dropping from the Boravdos as it swoops through the wall and back out, shedding its burning cloak.

William grabs a bookshelf as the vampire reels him in, snags a copy of Gibbon's Decline And Fall and clubs the vamp across the temple with it. Then he steps back and carefully replaces it.

As Jenkins runs out into the front of the store, he pushes two more vampires out behind him.

Sylvia: Oh, my first vampire.
Jake: And your second!
Third Vampire: And your last.

It lunges forwards and grabs her, baring its fangs.

Luna grabs William's thermos, opens it and flings it in the other advancing vamp's game face.

Overhead, the burning Boravdos has extinguished. Blackened pieces of its ghostly raiment flake off. It turns its eyeless head to regard the group. It lashes out with a blurry, clawed limb and Andy smashes into a table of second-hand paperbacks.

Jake: So, how do you kill this?

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Sylvia struggles against the vampire, which just makes it smile. And then it looks down at the stake in its chest.

Jake ducks under a transparent claw.

Luna chases after Jenkins.

William: The... the Boravdos can be damaged by fire but its main weakness is the maw.
Jake: The maw?

William opens his mouth and points at it. Jake nods, straightens up, and skewers the demon in the mouth. It becomes more visible, cloudy in appearance, spreading from the wound.

Jake: Well, that's a bit better...

William nods, retrieves the prongs of his taser and jabs one into the demon's neck, then throw the switch. The whole thing is briefly visible, like a stormcloud.

Andy, keeping things simple, hits it upside the head with his bat. It passes through, slowing slightly as it goes through its body. William takes this as his cue and wraps the taser wire around its neck, pulling it tight. As it thrashes around, trying to free itself, Andy grabs its head in both hands and breaks its neck. The thing starts to evaporate, showering the room with smouldering grey flakes.

Jake: Right. Where'd he go?

Daniel brings down the last vampire with a well-aimed table leg. Luna comes back in, looking rather lost.

Luna: Okay, tracking him now... he went... out... there.

She points towards the fire exit. Abigail opens it and steps outside.

She looks around briefly and quickly spots Jenkins running the other way.

Abigail: Ahem.

She levels her rifle at him, and he turns and walks towards her.

Jenkins: Right, well... Incende -
Abigail: Please. I know Latin. Am I going to have to gag you?
Sylvia: Use your scarf.
Luna: I have duct tape.

Everyone looks at her.

Luna: I always have some in my bag. I have to repair wiring a lot.

Jake: So, what was all that about?
Jenkins: I've been after Kenton for years. He doesn't come to town very often, I couldn't let a chance like this go.
Jake: What did he do, outbid you on some old book?
Jenkins: ... yes.
Jake: Remind me never to become an occult bookseller.
William: Were you planning to?
Jake: No, but you might be...

Sylvia: Okay, we need to get him to the Council. The police can hold him, but only with Mister Travers's advice. And we probably can't use a cab.
William: I can get my mum and dad to pick us up.
Jake: A sure sign that the party's over.

The group are back slightly before breakfast.

Daniel: So, what are the lectures about today?
Luna: Nothing I can't sleep through, I'm sure.

Jake: You know everything I said about London? I take it back.

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time, on The Watch House:

A vampire tearing a security door off its hinges.

A ransacked bank vault.

Someone holding a small blue gem above his head and laughing as lightning arcs from the sky all around, hail lashes the ground and a hurricane wind blows, while the Watch struggle to get to him.

The next episode of The Watch House is Stormy Weather.

--
Actual Play bit:

This was the first episode of the new academic year, run during the end-of-freshers'-week Games Day for the university games society. Abigail, Luna, Daniel and Sylvia were pregenerated PCs I brought along. (I realised it was a fit of madness to bring three female and one male PC when I got the opposite demographic of new players, but I wanted to balance the three male characters returning.)

Take particular note of Abigail and Sylvia, whose players will be back next time, taking over some higher-profile roles...

[colbabe]

Escher: They're known for tormenting people with annoying pranks and assorted other nonsense.
Jake: So it's here to annoy us. If annoying us means calling those things down on us...
William: That might not be connected.
Natalie: But maybe it's why we all... sucked.
And here I was thinking that the dice had got the better of you. ;)
Escher: It may not be able to cross a line of pure cream.
Jake: ... So, we get a can of spray cream and use that to trap it.
Now if that isn't a call to have a crossover involving John and his ridiculous Season 1 pranks (http://forum.rpg.net/showpost.php?p=1016277&postcount=2), I don't know what is.

[colbabe]

The Boggart didn't originally cause bad luck - but during the patrol fight when it was just watching, we had an uncanny number of 1s and 2s on the dice.
Aha!

Well, that'll teach me for not reading ahead...

[Varyar]

I can't believe I missed this the other day. d'oh!

Abigail (brightening): Oh, yes! Good point. It'll be cold out, I can wear my new scarf.

hee! Luna was a hoot, too. Esp. her duct tape.

Great episode. It's always fun seeing more Watchers in play.

Take particular note of Abigail and Sylvia, whose players will be back next time, taking over some higher-profile roles...

Excellent. ::cackle::

[colbabe]

Special appearance by Prunella Scales.
YAY! :D

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.09: Stormy Weather

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control
Matthew: bookish Prentice fresher
Natalie: horsy Prentice fresher
James: under-21 rugby prop

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend

--
We open with Matthew and Natalie on patrol. He pauses as she looks into a dark side alley.

Matthew: I really don't think this is a good idea.
Natalie: I think we're going to do it anyway.
Matthew: I'm not.
Natalie: A-hem!
Matthew: But -
Natalie: There's a good chance you'll end up in trouble anyway. I mean, statistically -

And then someone collides with Matthew. He rolls over and sees feverish yellow eyes staring at his throat.

Matthew: Eeeaagh! Shoot it shoot it shoot it!
Natalie: Keep it still!
Matthew: I'm keeping as still as I can!

He struggles to manoeuvre the vampire into shot - and then someone else collides with them.

Matthew: Who's this?
Natalie: How am I supposed to know?
Matthew: You're in front!

The second figure drags the vampire away and starts pummelling it about the head.

Matthew: It could be another vampire!
Natalie: Then you shoot it!
Matthew: We need to analyse the situation!
Natalie: Oh, shut up!

Around the corner, Jake and the others pause, hearing violence and raised voices.

Jake: Sounds like Matthew's found something.
Emma: Yeah, he'll do that.
Andy: I suppose we should go help him.
Jake: Only one scream, only one vamp...

Even so, they do go and help, and find Matthew and Natalie covering someone whaling on a vampire.

Jake: Hey guys, how's it going?
Natalie: Oh, you know.

The young man clubbing the vampire looks up at them.

James: Do something, geeks!

Matthew flails at the vampire with his torch. James tuts, hits the vampire again, then pulls out a stake and jabs it into its neck. It gurgles angrily.

Natalie: No, no. Like this!

She jabs it neatly in the heart and it dissipates around the group's ankles.

Natalie: Now then. Who are you?
James: I'm the under-21 prop.
Natalie: Whuh...?
James: Look, I had it under control.
Jake: What is your name?
James: James. Anyway, I was hitting that thing, what were you doing?
Natalie: Just hitting doesn't work on its own. Which is something some people need to know.
Andy: Yeah, some people try to kill it through love.

A pause.

Andy: And that sentence came out wrong.
Natalie: Er... yes. So, James, why?
James: It... doesn't seem right.
Jake: And?
James: Discuss it in the pub?
Natalie: Thanks for your help, James, but we're patrolling.

James gets up and dusts off his knees.

James: We can do more good together.
Jake: Or there's more of us to get killed...
James: I know that.
Jake: So leave it up to the pros. (glancing at Matt) That's as close as we get.
James: All the more reason. These guys needed my help.
Jake: This isn't up for debate.
Matthew: I don't tell you how to... kick balls. I focus on what I'm good at.
Natalie: Which is?
Matthew: ... research.
James: But...
Matthew: Can we move on? I can feel my IQ dropping.
James: Yes, well, if I hadn't been here, with the stake...
Andy: You come prepared with sharp bits of wood? Who are you?
Natalie: Have you been watching us?
James: No!
Natalie: Then what?
James: They... they killed some of my team.
Jake: Wait here.

He pulls the others aside.

Jake: Look, if he knows, we should keep him close.
Natalie: I suppose it might teach Matthew something.
Matthew: Hey...
Jake: Might teach him a lot.
Matthew: But -
Jake: You missed a vampire with a torch.

Natalie: Rugby team as vampires. Imagine that.
William: Seen that.

Natalie looks at William. He shrugs.

Natalie: Fine, you can have him. I've got Matthew to look after.
Matthew: Hey...
Jake: William can keep an eye -
William: Me? Andy can!
Andy: Leave me out of this!
Jake: Use small words, it'll all be fine.
Emma: I'm not sure about this.
Jake: I don't like it either, but it's probably better than if he goes public. That could cause real havoc.
William: We have ways of stopping that kind of thing, you know.
Jake: Run a background check, or something.

Matthew: So we're decided? (sighs)
William: I'll run a background check. Or something.
Jake: A full background check. Find out what his deal really is.

Jake: You're in. But we've got a few simple rules. First. Don't tell anyone else. At all. Ever. If the Goth Rock Society find out... Second one. Get rid of all your stereotypes about vampires. Believe what you actually see. Third: Do what we say. We know what's out there.
James: So, hit them with torches?
Jake: What we say, not what we do...

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Guest starring Nathan Tyson (http://www.elephantmovie.com/images/img_tyson.jpg) as James Patrick.

We rejoin the group, in the pub.

Natalie: We should still be out on patrol.
Jake: What, you wanna be at it twenty-four seven?
Natalie: We should maintain a constant presence.
Jake: The vamps we can find are usually only around about dusk and dawn.

Matthew ignores the shop talk and retrieves a comic.

James: Duuude... you don't...
Natalie: Why not? There you go, with preconceptions. I mean, since you play rugby...
Andy: And your passing game sucks. I've seen it.
James: Oh yeah?
Andy: Yeah. Wanna step outside?
James: Sure.

They duly do so.

We get a shot of James's reaction as Andy changes and looms over him.

They come back inside, Andy having reverted, James white as a sheet.

Andy: here, have a drink.
James: Do... do you all do that?
Matthew: Yes.
Natalie: No, not really.
Jake: We're an equal opportunity group.
James: Yeah... you let geeks in and all...
William: Not a geek. Got a girlfriend.
James: Yeah, sure...

Natalie: Are you sure we shouldn't be patrolling?
Jake: We can go again tomorrow, it'll be fine. Anyway, you always had other things to do.
Natalie: Yes, well, there's a war on.
James: There is?
Natalie: Apparently so. All other concerns are secondary. Anyway, we should check in...
Jake: Yeah, tell the boss we've got another hanger-on.
James: You've got a boss?
Jake: Well, not me personally. But it's not all running around hitting things with bats.
James: Okay then, just tell me when you're doing that.
Jake: No. If you wanna be part of the team, you show up for practice, not just the game.

Charlotte arrives, pausing and raising an eyebrow at James as she approaches.

William: See? Girlfriend.
Jake: See her? All talk of supernatural activity stops.
James: Why?
Jake: It does.
Natalie: So, William, what do you talk to her about?

Charlotte: Hi. Erm, hello...
James: James.
Jake: He's a friend of Jack's.
Charlotte: Jack who doesn't speak to you any more.
Jake: Yes.
James: Who's Jack?
Matthew: (quietly) Good grief.
Charlotte: Well, nice to meet you... Will, we've got that big test soon?
William: Right! Yes! Revising!

William hurries to get out of the booth.

William: Don't let James get in... okay, I don't really mind.

On the way out, Charlotte looks back at the booth.

Charlotte: So, really... huh?
William: He just followed us home. He lost his fellow rugby... people.

Jake: So, half-seven start okay for you?
James: Er... sure.

And cut to Jake wandering into the office at twenty past eight the next morning.

Natalie, waiting outside, looks at her watch and smirks.

Natalie: Had breakfast?
Jake: I was gonna get a coffee.
Natalie: Tsk tsk.
Jake: Ready for this?
Natalie: Not really, no.

Jake shrugs, opens the door of the practice room, and finds James inside, looking at the weapons rack.

James: I started without you, that alright?
Jake: ... yeah.

Jake: Now then. What would be your forte?
James: As a prop, that'd be tackling.
Jake: No good. Don't get too close.
James: I can swing a bat pretty well too. Thought I might try one of your axes.
Jake: Fine...

He takes one out, weighs it, swings at a wooden dummy and WHACK!

Natalie: Right.
Jake: Not bad. Now pull it out.

It takes a moment to do so.

Jake: Right. In the time it's taken to do that, it's bitten you.
James: So...?
Jake: Go for the neck. Limbs good. Head very good. Anyway, that's what we call the last resort.
Natalie: I thought we called it a battle axe.
Jake: (ignoring her) Try this.

He hands James a crossbow, just as Escher enters, leading William and Matthew in.

Escher: Ah, everyone, we... who the bloody hell - ?
James: I'm James.

He offers the hand with the crossbow, then moves it to the other hand rather sheepishly.

William: Latest recruit from the rugby club.
Escher: Ah. (quietly) That's all I need.
James: I beat up the bitey things.
Matthew: At least I know what they are.
Escher: I see.

Escher glares at William.

William: Ahh... yes. We were out patrolling, and...
Jake: We heard him scream.
James: Him?
Matthew: I -
Jake: Natalie and Matthew managed to find a vamp, then he tackled it and staked it. In the neck.
Escher: The neck.
Matthew: It wasn't even sharp.
Natalie: It was sharper than your torch.
Matthew: I'll -
Natalie: So we decided it was easier to keep him close rather than dangerously far.
James: Huh?

Escher massages the bridge of his nose.

James: Look, I'll be useful.

He punches the training dummy, making it rock back.

Jake points out the punchbag.

James: Oh.

William: Yes. So, this is James Patrick. Reading Geography but mostly studying under-21 rugby, until...
Escher: Until most of the starting line were killed six weeks ago. I see.

James looks at the floor.

Escher: We do what we can. It's dangerous, thankless, and we never stop them all. If you want to help, bear that in mind.

James looks up, meets Escher's gaze and nods.

Then Andy wanders in.

Andy: How come you're all in here?
Jake: Hey, why does James here have eyebrows that meet in the middle and you don't?
James: I do not!
Andy: ... I pluck.

Escher shakes his head.

Escher: I did actually come in here for a reason.
William: Sorry.
Escher: Quite. Anyway. The vault of a main bank office in town was burgled last night.
Jake: And...?
Escher: The thieves made off with twenty thousand pounds in bearer bonds, and opened one other safety deposit box, containing a sapphire called the Hand of the Storm.
Jake: Didn't Kate Winslet drop that in the sea at the end of the film?
Escher: What?
Jake: ... Please, go on.
Escher: It belonged to the Kerridge estate and since it was left out of the will, the inheritors have been arguing over it for several months.
William: How is this our area?
Escher: You don't know?

The veterans in the group share a look.

Escher: The Hand is reputed to grant its owner the ability to affect the weather.
Jake: Okay, that's strange. But how bad is it?
James: Could it make tornadoes?
Escher: It is believed to be capable of killing someone with a bolt of lightning. Or, yes, setting a tornado loose in a city.
Jake: Okay, that bad.
Escher: Yes. So we tend to caution.

Natalie: Are there any clues?
Jake: How'd they get in?
Escher: It would appear they tore the door off its hinges.
Jake: Right. One of the hallmarks of not being the brains of the operation.
James: What I'd do.
Matthew: Mm-hmm...
William: I'll research this amulet.
Jake: Okay then. I'll go to the vault.
Natalie: I'll go with.
James: I'll help with the research.
Matthew: Nononooo -
William: How about -
Jake: He might learn something.
Natalie: Have you ever borrowed a book?
James: ... Does a video count?
Matthew: ... Fine. We'll take Tarzan here to the library.
James: Is there a back section? With the... good stuff?
Matthew: We're going somewhere else.
James: Suit yourselves...

Matthew gives Jake a very dirty look as he, Andy and Natalie head out.

They reach the vault.

Jake: Okay, how do we get in for a look around?
Natalie: Wait here.

She approaches one of the bank staff, beaming.

Natalie: Excuse me... hi... I'm with the university paper... we heard about the break-in, and I was wondering if, maybe, we could get a look inside?

Jake: You wanna be the cameraman this time?
Andy: Okay. Wait... have we got a camera?

Jake and Andy smile breezily as they head into the vault, while Natalie distracts the staff.

Natalie: So this is your desk? It's a nice view of the street...

Matthew looks askance at James, whose research of choice involves the sports section of the Times.

Matthew: I wish he wouldn't follow us around. He might put the books out of order.
William: I think we're reasonably safe there.

William looks up from his book.

William: The last reported use of the Hand lead to eleven days of flooding in Frankfurt in 1832.
Matthew: You know Cambridge is on a flood plain?
William: Ah.

Jake breathes out, breathes in, breathes out, and puts his hand on the vault door.

He sees three figures pass him. Vampires.

The largest of them tears the door off the vault and sets it down on the floor, then rips out the safety deposit box indicated by the smallest and pulls off the top. The smallest vamp grins as he reaches in and takes out a gleaming blue-green jewel...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake and Andy head back out, nodding to Natalie. She smiles sweetly to the banker and follows.

Jake: You were like a cat with a mouse.
Natalie: Did you get anything useful?
Andy: So what's the guy like?
Jake: Three vamps. Could be working for anyone.
Natalie: How did you know there were three of them?
Jake: ... Footprints in the dust.
Natalie: Well, the bank believes the police version.
Andy: Which is?
Natalie: A truck with a towhook.
Jake: Have we checked out this family?

Natalie hands him a file.

Lionel Kerridge forgot to mention the jewel when he divided his estate among his nephews and niece, Nathaniel Kerridge and Julianne and Terrence Blakeney. Do you think they were involved?
Jake: Maybe.
Natalie: The money was their part of the deal?
Jake: If it was, we'll find out. They hired vamps, so we're probably not talking about geniuses.

Escher: The Blakeneys are prominent investors in Jesus College after they both attended there on scholarship and graduated with honours, and Kerridge has written a number of books on Enlightenment jewellery...

We've cut back to the office.

Matthew: They're quite authoritative.
Jake: Okay, that doesn't help my theory. So what have you found about the Hand?
William: Oh, you know, mass panic, chaos and mayhem.
Jake: So it could be... any side in this war wanting it.
Escher: We know that there are vampires involved in at least one faction.
Natalie: Or it could be a dissatisfied inheritor. It doesn't look like the Blakeneys were happy with their share.
Escher: Or someone else in the antique trade...
Jake: Anyone we know?

Sullivan smiles, stretches and leans back casually in his booth in the smoky downtown pub.

Jake pauses before going over to join him.

Jake: Now, James...
Natalie: I'll hold him back.
Jake: This one, do what we say, not what you think. Thinking bad.
James: So why'd you even bring me?
Jake: So you can get a round in.
James: ...
Jake: Part of the initiation.
James: ...

Sullivan: Bringing strange people around now? Not sure I like that.
Jake: It's 'bring your fresher to the pub' day. Gives them a well-rounded education.
Sullivan: I don't like the way he's looking at me.
Jake: Oh, he does that to everybody.
Sullivan: Right. So, what are you after?
Natalie: What's the latest easily-obtainable info you know?
Sullivan: That's not very charitable, miss... Anyway, I know it. So, if you want to...
Jake: That's why we're asking. Vampires robbing a bank.
Sullivan: Tut tut. What have they come to...
Jake: Inside the shield.
Sullivan: You should get that thing looked at.
Jake: So I've said.
Sullivan: Anyway, this gang's been recruiting.
Jake: Recruiting by... biting.
Sullivan: Cheaper than hiring a truck.
Jake: So is there someone you'd ask about breaking into a bank?
Sullivan: A few. And some I never ask.

He writes an address on a beer mat and slides it across the table.

Jake: Cheers.

William cycles over to the records office to look at the will. It was contested by Nathaniel, and Mr. Blakeney lodged a counterclaim through the firm of Taylor and Tyler.

And the address Sullivan gave the group is on the edge of the Shield, and up for sale.

Jake: Okay. We're just prospective buyers having a look around...

Natalie nods and she, Matthew and Jake take out their crossbows. William activates his taser.

Natalie: Are we just hitting or hitting first and asking questions later?
Jake: Asking. Don't hit the little one, he seemed to be in the know.

And a side door opens and the three vampire robbers charge out, snarling.

James runs in, bat swinging.

William tries to get a clear shot, but Matthew is still stumbling back and James is blocking the rest of his aim.

Jake: Has that thing ever put anything down that we wanted it to?

Jake scores a hit on the big vamp with his crossbow, which only draws its attention and earns him a punch in the gut.

Matthew panic fires, and hits the middle vampire right in the heart.

Matthew: I got one! I got one!
Jake: We were questioning the vampires...

James brings his bat down on the big vampire, driving him back and into range of Andy's.

Natalie manages to shoot around Andy and hit the vamp in the knee, then Jake retrieves his sword and finishes it off. The group turns on the surviving vampire. He grins.

Vampire: Bad news I'm afraid... there's a storm coming... heh heh heh...
Andy: Yes, we knew that...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

We return to Escher's office.

James: I still don't see why we couldn't take his teeth out.
William: You were supposed to be guarding the door.
Andy: What would happen if you were pulling his teeth out as he dusted?
James: Good question.
Andy: Well, if you want to stick your hand in his mouth to find out, you're welcome to try.
Jake: You are welcome to try.

Escher taps a finger on the desktop.

Escher: Someone, please, tell me what happened.
Jake: Better stock up on winter woollies. They've already given the amulet to their boss and someone's gonna be using it.
William: So I'm keeping an eye on the weather.
Natalie: Do you think they'll test it first or go straight to attacking us with it?
William: Hopefully the former. If so, it might show up on meteorological records.
Jake: Good idea. And maybe check with our magic-using friends. They might spot a... disturbance in the Force or whatever they call it. Andy, call your girl.
Andy: Which girl?
Jake: Luna?
Andy: Oh yeah, that girl.

William: Right. I need to find a satellite dish to update to the weather service.
James: You can't just use the radio?
Jake: I'm out. Call me if there's hail or something.
Natalie: Don't we need to patrol?
Jake: I'm going to bed anyway.
James: Patrol!
Matthew: Okay, Jake's right. Call it a night.
Natalie: Maybe just keep watch. Very important.
James: Can I take the axe this time?
Jake: I don't think you're ready.

And we cut away to an open field overlooking the city, under a starry sky. A youngish man in a business suit and raincoat gazes at the Hand, held in the palm of his hand, and looks at the seller.

Buyer: So I just think about the weather effect I want?
Seller: Exactly.

The man narrows his eyes and stares at a nearby farmhouse. Lightning arcs down from the cloudless night sky and splits the chimney in two, sending stones tumbling down through the roof. A second bolt smashes the gable end inwards, and the timbers burst into flames.

The man turns back to the seller and smiles, as the seller shrugs and blinks its featureless white eyes.

Buyer: A pleasure doing business with you.
Seller: Cheers. Now, you're getting a bargain here. But I do have one little condition for the knockdown price...

And we cut to the workbench in the practice room as William attaches a TV cable to a receiver array.

Andy: Looks interesting... planning on DJing?
William: Right. Line this up and it shows the sky.
Andy: I'll just use a window.
William: Windows? It's not a computer... oh. Right. Never mind.

Andy shakes his head and makes a call.

Jake: Ask her what she's doing tomorrow night.
Andy: What are you...? Research. Hey, you wanna come to town and research at the club? Well, yeah, it would be kinda loud...

Natalie: Who's coming?
James: I am!
Matthew: ... I'm not.
Jake: (sighs) I'll patrol as well.
Escher: Good of you.
Jake: Just a quick sweep.
William: I'm staying to work on this.
Matthew: I'll keep researching.
Natalie: So, are you and Luna going clubbing tonight?
Andy: Tomorrow. We need time for detection spells.

The patrol is apparently uneventful, as we next see the group heading for the Brody.

Jake: Okay, you go to the pub, I'm gonna go pass out... Oh bollocks, rugby club.
Natalie: Let's go before James gets us to join in a singalong or something.
James: C'mon, they'd make great hunters.
Natalie: We're not hunters, we're Watchers.
Andy: Watchers' safer than hunters.
Jake: Except when they're watching Watchers.
Natalie: And Watchers watched by Watchers watching Watchers.
Andy: Y'know, I don't like Quentin Travers.

There is a pause as everyone tries to catch up with Andy's redirection.

Natalie: He's the Watcher who watches Watchers who watch Watchers.
Andy: Still. Don't like him. I think it's that whole 'could have me killed' bit.
Natalie: Yes, well, I can see why that could be a problem for you. Still, it wasn't really my choice to become a Watcher.
Jake: Everyone has a choice.
Natalie: Yes, officially, but my parents would never let me hear the end of - hey!

She points behind him as someone green and scaly charges headlong at the group. He nods, ducks a slash from its claws and fires his crossbow into its chest, which slows it down very slightly. Natalie runs past him and kicks the demon in the shin.

Natalie: What is it?
Andy: Never mind!

He demonstrates his impatience upside its head with his baseball bat. As it stumbles back, Natalie kicks it in the small of its back and James slams his bat down on its skull.

Jake: Is it dead?
Natalie: I can't tell...
Andy: It's okay, it's clearly dead.
Jake: Not till it's dust. Or goo. Here, get it into that bin, set it on fire, blame the rugby club.
James: Hey!
Jake: Okay, you do it then.

He calls William.

William: Hello? I'm kind of busy at the moment.

William fumbles with his phone while hauling his apparatus up onto the roof.

Jake: We met this, we killed it, I'm going to bed. What is it? Bipedal, no tail, green, scaly, claws... sorta ridged cheekbones... forked tongue...
William: Eyes?
Jake: Oh, they were orangey. And there were four of them.
William: Right. That's probably a Mavoulis Amander. They need to be immersed in water to kill them. They regenerate like lizards and fire has no effect on them...
Jake: Oh. Right. (looks at the group trying to start a fire) I'll go deal with that then.

There's a loud thumping sound from inside the bin, as Matthew arrives.

Matthew: There was something about a demon you people were having a problem with?
Jake: Yeah. We kill, you dispose.
Matthew: No, you kill and dispose, we tell you how.

The thing drags itself out of the bin, leaps up and lands on James.

Matthew: Oh yes, that's a Mavoulis.

James fights his way free and the group descend on the monster again until it stops moving for a second time.

Jake: Right. And now, this is the part where you drag it into the river.
Matthew: What? Me?
Natalie: We killed it. Twice now.
Matthew: I'm not touching that!
Natalie: Matthew, why are you going to be a Watcher?
Matthew: Because not everyone knows how to dispose of one of these.

Andy helps Matthew bundle the corpse into a discarded roll of carpet.

James: If it starts moving again, kick it in the nuts.
Jake: It doesn't appear to have nuts.
Natalie: Hm. Where do Mavoulis babies come from?
Matthew: (irritably) The stork.

Jake: Okay, somebody find Matthew a bargepole to not touch this with.

An amount of shoving and dragging ends with the demon being rolled into the river, which bubbles and hisses as it dissolves.

James: Plink plink fizz.
Jake: Okay, job done, I'm going to bed.
Natalie: So, how was your first day on the job?
James: My head hurts.
Jake: Good, that means you're still alive. See you in the morning. Bright and early.

Next morning, Jake shambles in after ten and finds James sleeping on a bench in the practice room.

William looks up from a spooled printout of local weather reports.

William: Lightning strike on Clarence Field last night, no rain after it.
Jake: Maybe we should check up on that.
Natalie: We still have the heirs to question. Start with Kerridge, he has an antique store.
Matthew: I'll go with you.
Jake: Watch your back.
Natalie: Yeeees...

William brings the Land Rover around. James goes for the passenger door.

Jake: In the back.

When they arrive, they find that the farmhouse has been reduced to smoking rubble.

Jake: Oh. That's... not a good sign.
Andy: Tyre tracks. Heading... towards Cambridge.
Jake: Coming our way. Course.

Matthew and Natalie head over to Kerridge's antiques business.

Matthew: Okay, this is the antiquities trade. You talk, I listen, see if he's lying about anything.

And they find that the door of his showroom is slightly ajar.

Natalie: Okay, I'm going to look in the back...

Matthew goes to check the logbook and stares at the floor.

Natalie: Matthew?

She snaps her fingers and he blinks and looks at her, and points down.

Mr. Kerridge's corpse lies behind the cash desk.

Natalie: Oh. How was he...?

Matthew taps his neck above the jugular with two fingers.

Natalie: And how long...?
Matthew: Last night, maybe.
Natalie: Call Mister Escher.

Natalie takes out and loads her crossbow and checks around the back room.

Natalie: It's been ransacked. Or he was a very messy filer. But they left this...
Matthew: A copy of a book on commanding the Hand... So they came here, killed him, took the information.
Natalie: Looks like it. We should get out of here, let Mister Escher and the coroner deal with it. I mean, there's a dead body on the floor.
Matthew: I noticed...

The groups meet up at the office.

Natalie: We found a dead body.
Matthew: And an instruction manual for the Hand.
Natalie: You?
Jake: A very destroyed farmhouse and tyre tracks coming this way. Hey, what's the range on this thing?
William: Hard to say. But judging by the firestorms it may have caused in Brittany in the 18th Century I'd guess at least a mile.
Matthew: We need to get closer than that to shut it off.
Jake: The book's gonna get wet.
Matthew: I plan to put it in a bag. And put that bag in a bag. And carry an umbrella.
Jake: You're not worried about lightning?
Matthew: Er... damn.
Natalie: I don't suppose we have time to laminate the pages we need?

The windows are lit up from outside by a flash of white light, and thunder booms less than a second later.

Jake: I guess not.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Stormclouds gather with unnatural speed, clouding over a sunny afternoon on the green in the middle of the King's campus. Students run for cover as massed hailstones clatter to the ground while thunder cracks and lightning flashes.

And in the epicentre of the storm, the buyer stands with his fist raised and the Hand held aloft.

Jake: I think maybe that's him.

James takes off in a charge. The buyer looks at him, and a wall of wind slams into him and he slides back twenty feet.

Andy starts a run up, on all fours, changing as he goes. He has to roll to avoid a lightning strike, and this knocks him off his feet and the wind catches him and spins him around, landing heavily by the edge of the green.

Jake concentrates. And starts to walk into the storm.

Matthew: Perhaps a distraction would help.
William: Good idea.

Natalie hurries after them as they head back to the work bench, to retrieve her weapons.

Escher shields his face with his hand as he evacuates the students.

James gets up, tries again, and is batted between two gusts of wind. He turns upside down, head aimed at the ground - and Jake catches him. He loses his footing as he does, and pulls back.

Jake moves carefully, one foot in front of the other, behind the buyer.

Emma steps up in the way, and starts pushing the driving hail back with a raised hand... but her feet start to skid backwards.

Matthew and William return, carrying a television cable between them, and run in opposite directions.

Natalie runs forwards, sword drawn, and loses her footing as the buyer turns a wall of hailstones at her. Then he turns to try and stop William and Matthew, yanking the cable out of their hands. It smashes into a window and tears through the frame stones.

Matthew, head down, flicks through the book. The buyer hears the first syllables of a Latin incantation, and thunder rumbles overhead as he points at the young Watcher.

And then JJames stops sliding as Jake holds out a hand to him, steadying him mentally, and he runs up behind the buyer, tackles him and jerks the stone out of his hand. The wind drops, the clouds part and Jake stands over the prone figures.

Jake: Nasty weather we've been having today.
Buyer: Ah... just testing...

Jake grabs him by the collar and drags him towards the office. The others surround him. James follows, stumbling slightly. Andy retrieves his boots, and pours water out of them before putting them back on.

Jake: So, you bought the magic jewel to play weatherman.
Buyer: It was a bargain too, considering the marina I was going to build with it. Sorry about the mess, but I got a thousand knocked off the price for doing this. The seller's suggestion.
Jake: And who's the seller?
Buyer: This bright orange guy with horns.
Jake: Huh. (frowns) Take him to see Escher.

Natalie finds Escher getting a cup of tea as the college first aiders treat students for hypothermia.

Natalie: So we stopped him, and the amulet just got lost...
Escher: Did it indeed.

And he holds out his hand.

Andy: So you helped save the day. How do you feel?
James: Sore. And I think I'm getting a cold.
Andy: Welcome to our world.

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time, on The Watch House:

Jake meeting Sullivan on his own.

Jake: I need your help.
Sullivan: "I need?" What about your little friends?

Something big, ugly and horned picking Matthew up by the collar.

Natalie meeting the thing, showdown-style.

The next episode of The Watch House is My Enemy.

--
Actual Play bit:

Due to short, late-starting and not late-ending sessions, this is actually two sessions. (The original cliffhanger was the vampire cackling "there's a storm coming...")

Matthew and Natalie were deliberately kept fairly flexible, with multiple points of interest and directions they could be taken in, so that new players could pick them up and play them. Stuart and Lucy, already friends, fitted the roles very well, and both had an interest in playing the kids' romantic misadventures.

New player Sandy created James, the third rugby-player-blunders-in character in the history of the series (including the unaired pilot) and a more understanding butt of jokes than the last one.

[Varyar]

Great stuff, as always. James is a nice addition to the mix. And I'll have to steal that storm gem. Mwahahahahaha.

The next episode sounds like fun. I can't wait to see Natalie kicking ass to protect Matthew.

[ogrilion]

Why thankyou, and craig if I remeber rightly James rugby tackled the guy witht he stone ;)

[Craig Oxbrow]

Why thankyou, and craig if I remeber rightly James rugby tackled the guy witht he stone ;)
... Possibly.

See, this is the point of sending the writeups out before putting them online. :p

[Craig Oxbrow]

Forgive the delay... the next couple of episodes are proving difficult in the editing booth.

But now...

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.10: My Enemy

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control
Matthew: shy bookish Prentice fresher lovelorn over Natalie
Natalie: horsy socialite Prentice fresher taking Matthew for granted
James: rugby prop turned vigilante vampire hunter

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster

Victoria: Watcher turned vampire and ominous presence lurking in Jake's life

Rosalind: civilian, queen of the university social scene
Sam: civilian, drummer
Ginny: civilian friend of Emma's
Charlotte: William's civilian girlfriend

--
We open on Natalie kicking a vampire in the face.

It snarls as it staggers backward, and we see three more of them surrounding her.

Natalie: Little help, people?

It stumbles back with a snarl, shaking its head, and she aims another blow at its stomach.

Andy charges past her, wolfed-out, and crashes into the second vampire, while James swings with his handaxe and gets nowhere near the third. William misses the fourth with a crossbow, while Matthew provides illumination and nothing else.

James beheads the other spare vamp and Matthew gets dust in the face.

Andy tears a head off and proceeds towards the one William just tried to shoot.

Natalie pushes the vampire she's fighting into a wall, and stakes it as it bounces off. Then she pivots and kicks the vampire trying to flee Andy back into reach of his claws.

Natalie: Maybe we should for a cheerleading squad for Andy.
Andy: Ooh. Would there be a uniform involved?
Natalie: ew.

James: Hey, I got one too.
Matthew: And we provided... moral support. Anyway, that's enough for... I shouldn't keep talking, should I?
Andy: Hello? Evil bad guys on rooftops, attack! That's your cue! ... No?
Natalie: Ah well, off to the pub then?

Matthew puts the hood up on his duffel coat, Natalie stows her weapons, and we pan back to a pair of silhouetted figures who have been observing the fight.

Observer: Do you think this is the one?
Really Deep-Voiced Observer: Perhaps. And if so... I shall claim my revenge.

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

We return to the Brody, with Natalie having changed out of her workout-style patrolling gear for something more sociable, and we join the group as Matthew argues an important point.

Matthew: Spider-Man has super-agility and can lift a ton. Batman has... a car.
James: Bored, honey?
Natalie: Honey?
James: Er...
Natalie: Call me that again and bad things will happen.
James: Right. So, you were on the hockey team, eh?
Matthew: (deliberately increasing volume as James speaks) So the problem with a portable laser cannon would be the length of the extension cord you'd need.
William: Or the battery, which could fit in a shopping cart.
Natalie: And it would always veer to the left.
Andy: Obviously you'd need to make it float.
William: That would take more batteries.
Natalie: If this is the talk of the night, I might head home. I actually have classes tomorrow.
James: I'll chum you.
Natalie: (shaking her head) That's okay.

Even so, he follows her at a not-entirely-discreet distance. She turns sharply and confronts him.

Natalie: What?
James: I saw... something. (points vaguely behind him, then in another direction) Following m...you.
Natalie: Well, you must have scared it away. What would we do without you? Thank you! Goodnight!

And as Jim clumps off, head bowed, we see that there is indeed something following her...

But next day, we find her in the office in the afternoon all the same.

Natalie: So he followed me around on the pretext that something else was following me.
Matthew: (hopefully) Maybe something that preys on rugby players?
Escher: ... I don't suppose you saw anything?
Natalie: Nothing definite. I mean, I noticed he was following me but that's it.
Matthew: Well, we should runs some tests on him just in case. Starting with weapons tests.

James arrives in time to hear this.

James: Weapons tests? On what? And are we patrolling?
Natalie: So, no more sightings of my mystery follower? Maybe it followed you home?
James: Well, at least somebody likes me...
Matthew: Use him as bait.
Natalie: I like that plan.
James: Thought you would...
Natalie: We'd be there to protect you.
William: Of course we'd have to stay in hiding until it jumps you and drags you off...
Andy: Maybe we should give him some sort of panic button.
Natalie: Didn't I do that already? Silly me.
James: No, just a dirty look. Which is not the same.
Andy: Don't ask me, I was looking over there.

Natalie: It knew to go away when you started pointing in all directions and gesticulating wildly.
James: Look, if I take it down, no more problem, right?
Andy: Maybe we should check for other missing sportsmen. Maybe it likes 'em big.
Natalie: He's not that big.

William, ignoring the hubbub, fishes around a box marked "tracers" and pulls one out, then tests it with a small handheld doohickey.

Natalie: Of course if this doesn't work we'll have to use me as bait.
William: Or wait until they go after some innocent civilian.
Natalie: Let's try and be positive. I'm bait. Now, if we all patrol together we probably won't be targeted.
Andy: I can follow the scent -
James: Of my blood?
Andy: Yes -
Matthew: Oh, you're being very morbid. He can follow the smell of your breath just as easily.

Natalie: James says something was following me. Or him. When he followed me home last night
Jake: So you're planning on using him as bait because he's stalking you.
Natalie: Basically.
Jake: Oh. Okay. You have no idea what was following you or him or nobody?
Natalie: I presume more a some-thing.
Jake: So, the plan is to... wander around and pretend not to be looking behind you?
Natalie: Oh, we're patrolling. But split up into smaller groups.
Jake: So that's the entire plan.
William: Apart from putting a tracer on his belt.
Jake: Ah.
Andy: I call it Project James Is Bait.
Jake: Wonderful... I'll see if he's at the pub.

He heads out again, over to the Brody to see if James is there. When he isn't, he shrugs and goes to the booth to sit down, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

Voice: Oh dear me... you look fit to drop...

He looks up.

It's Victoria.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake flattens against the wall of the booth.

Jake: Hello...
Victoria: No hug? (pouts)
Jake: What are you doing here?
Victoria: Dropping by, seeing old friends. In a public forum, where nothing unpleasant is liable to happen.

Jake looks at her intently.

Jake: You know, I was kinda hoping you'd died. But no, somehow I knew you'd be back, like a bad penny.
Victoria: Where does that phrase come from, anyway? I mean, what is a bad penny?
Jake: I really don't know...

He looks around, hoping to see someone who can help. She follows his gaze and smiles sweetly.

Victoria: Oh please, try something.
Jake: So. This can't just be a social call.
Victoria: No? I like to think of myself as sociable. But no. I'm here to help. Go team.
Jake: Really.
Victoria: (pouts) Huh. Thought you'd be a little more appreciative.
Jake: If you wanna help, take it away.
Victoria: (smirks) I do. I really do. Because, you know, there's a war on, and much as I hate to admit it I'm not such a big fish since (drops the amiable act and glares) you killed my father.
Jake: So we'll be seeing more of you, then.
Victoria: (all sweetness and light again) I'll try not to get on your nerves too long. I know what a sensitive fellow you are.
Jake: So. Help me. When does this thing kick off?
Victoria: You'll know it when you see it. With the nights drawing in, it shouldn't be too long. Oh, and one more thing.

She takes out a pen and writes a single word on a scrap of paper.

Jake: Your phone number?
Victoria: Hardly, darling.

He looks at it. Just one word.

CHARYBDIS.

Jake: How... very useful...
Victoria: Well you know. I am the evil one. (beams)
Jake: That you are. Well, if that's all you've got for me, you don't need to stick around any longer.
Victoria: True. Well, this was refreshing. Must do it again. Be seeing you around.
Jake: I'd say 'not if I can help it'...
Victoria: But we both know that's not true. How nice.

She rises, retrieves her neat little handbag, blows him a kiss and goes.

He manages not to start shivering until she's out of sight. Then he goes outside, hand on a stake inside his jacket, and stumbles out. He heads behind the bar, finds the recycling bin full of empty bottles and puts a hand on it. His knuckles whiten, his angry stare intensifies.

The bin shudders and every bottle inside it shatters.

He takes his hand away, opens and closes his fist, and walks away.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake walks to the office, looking around all the way. Surprisingly, James has returned, and is mooching about outside.

Natalie: You took your time... What's wrong?

Jake says nothing, and hands the Charybdis note to William.

William: Charybdis?
Jake: Yeah.
William: Where'd you get this?
Jake: From a source...
William: Well... it's an ancient Greek myth, a nymph turned into a living whirlpool by a jealous goddess... That's pretty handwriting.
Jake: So that's all it means to you?
William: Pretty much. I'd need to do some reading but I've never heard about her really existing. Now, harpies...
Jake: Yeah, I was there.
William: And sirens.
Jake: Yet again.
William: But nothing about Charybdis...

William taps the microphone inside James's jacket. He holds up an earpiece receiver.

William: Okay, we need constant sound contact. So who wants to hear James sing?

Getting no volunteers, he sighs and puts the receiver in his ear. James nods and duly heads off, starting to whistle to himself.

William: Should have put a two-way system in so I could tell him to shut up...
Andy: Don't worry, if he gets captured I'll know where he is. Unless they put him in a car... Which is always the way...

Andy nods and hurries on ahead.

Jake (shouting after him): Great idea, let's split up!
Matthew: Maybe we'll arrive to find James has tackled him.

As they proceed warily, Jake gets a call. He takes a few steps away to answer it. It's actually Sam from his band.

Sam: Not coming to Ros's... social thing tonight?
Jake: I guess not...
Sam: I figured Emma would have told you.
Jake: Being her ex actually doesn't mean we spend much time together.

And he looks across at Emma, who naturally has come along for this patrol.

Jake: Apparently there's a party?
Emma: Oh yeah, I forgot.
Natalie: I didn't.
Jake: I was wondering about the big bag. Clothes?
Natalie: Not all of it... Anyway, a lot of people would be wandering home from it, possibly a bit tipsy...
Jake: You just want to go.
Natalie: No no-
Matthew: -yes...
Natalie: Matthew, you remember how I never spoke to you at the Academy?
Matthew: hmph.
Natalie: Anyway, we should go. For the good of society.
Emma: And your position in society.
Jake: You don't have to justify it. (looks to William) Anything?
William: He only knows three songs.

The group go ahead and catch up with Andy as he follows James. He whistles him over.

Andy: Nothing. Try being more visible.
Natalie: Or maybe another tactic. Like going over towards the area of the party.
Jake: I dunno. (looks to James) If it is after you, you don't get to go to the ball Cinderella.
James: Why not?
Jake: Because we don't want it following you in there.
Natalie: Good point. Maybe we should split up.
Jake: (to Andy) Give it an hour.

And nods. And cut to Andy and James coming into the party. Jake checks his watch.

Andy (cheerfully): Here we are!
Jake: That was seventeen minutes.
Andy (cheerfully): Free drinks!

And we track back as people come and go from the Basement club, going in all directions, being watched...

As the group mingle, Matthew looks across at Natalie chatting away cheerfully to all and sundry. He tries to find somewhere to hide as Rosalind passes by.

Rosalind: Natalie's friend Matthew, right? Are you here undercover?
Matthew: Uhmm, something like that...

Matthew demonstrates his undercover skills by slipping out as Ros goes to talk to Guy and his new girlfriend Clara.

James wanders out too. He sees Matthew and waves vaguely.

Matthew: You're going?
James: 'Sboring. They're drunk and I'm not.
Matthew: And why not?
James: Gotta keep my wits about me.

We see this from the perspective of someone lurking around the corner.

James: Stay sharp. Danger round every corner.
Matthew: Right...

And he heads off in one direction and James in another.

And as James disappears around a corner... something grabs Matthew.

He gulps as he is hauled up by his collar to face a seven-foot demon with blotchy green skin, heavy ram horns, and one blinded eye. The other eye, which is bright yellow, focuses on him. This would appear to be the really deep-voiced observer from the pre-credits.

Dokavuhl: Where is she?
Matthew: She?
Dokavuhl: Where is the Slayer?
Matthew: Uh... C-C-California?
Dokavuhl: You lie! You are one of hers!
Matthew: One of her... what?

Then Matthew realises who the demon must mean.

Matthew: Oh no.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

And we return to Matthew still being carried, feet dangling a foot off the ground, as the demon stalks along, ragged cloak billowing behind it.

Dokavuhl: Where is the Slayer?
Matthew: Oh dear God. You're a Dokavuhl. Big one at that. Oh. Um... Slayer? I don't know anything about the Slayer...
Dokavuhl: Human girl. Light hair. Slays vampires... Your mate.
Matthew: She's not my - I mean, she - I really don't think Natalie's a Slayer. I think I would have noticed.
Dokavuhl: I can see them. With the one eye the last Slayer left me.

It stops and drags him around to face it again. Its breath steams up his glasses.

Dokavuhl: You shall bring her to me, or you shall die.
Matthew: I - I really don't know if she'll follow me. I mean, she doesn't like me that much -
Dokavuhl: That is... unfortunate for you.

The demon reaches a three-clawed hand into Matthew's inside coat pocket, retrieves his phone and hands it to him.

Dokavuhl: Talk now while you have a tongue.

Matthew: Ah, hello. It's me... Matthew.

And cut to Natalie, still inside, covering her other ear to block out the latest single by The Chemical Brothers.

Natalie: I'm gonna go where it's quieter. Oh, Matthew! Aren't you here?
Matthew: Not entirely. A big scary thing wants to talk to you.
Natalie: And it's got you?
Matthew: Yes.
Natalie: You pratt. Let me speak to the demon.
Matthew: It's for you, Do-ka-vuhl.

Natalie nods slightly on hearing the name. Matthew hands the phone over.

Dokavuhl: Meet me at Clerkwell Cross. Come alone if you want the whelp to live.
Natalie: But I'm at a party...

Natalie sighs, looks around, and the first member of the group she finds is Andy.

Natalie: Andy, we've got a problem.
Andy: I know, I ate too much jelly.
Natalie: Not where I was going... (looks at him and considers the best course of action) ... Have you seen the others?

Andy sniffs the air and points towards Jake (and Sam) in one direction, Emma (and Ginny) in another, and William (and Charlotte) in another. Natalie nods and waves them over.

Natalie: Matthew just called me. He's been kidnapped.
Jake: How's he got your number?
Natalie: For situations just like this.
Jake: Fair enough, but would you use Matthew as an intermediary?
William: Well, it was him or James.
Jake: Good point.
William: Did he say who by?

And cut to Escher glancing at his phone as it interrupts him watching Panorama.

William: We've got some kind of emergency with Matthew being kidnapped and hold to ransom for Natalie by a Dokavuhl.
Escher: I... see. Give me a moment... armoured hide, but susceptible to blinding and other attacks on the eyes...

William looks back to the group.

William: Okay. Basic big scary monster, we just need to blind it and... I need to go tell Charlotte... that... uh... uh... I can't think of an excuse.
Natalie: Matthew got drunk!
William: Matthew being kidnapped actually seems more likely.
Andy: The punch was spiked!
William: That'll work.
Andy: What for? I was just saying the punch was spiked...

William: Sorry, got to deal with something...
Charlotte: What's up?
William: Matthew got drunk. The punch was spiked.
Charlotte: Oh. Right. ... Was it Andy?
William: (considers) Quite possibly...
Charlotte: See you soon. Take care.
William: ... I will.

And with that, we stride into battle.

The Dokavuhl stands waiting, dark armour glinting, hands clawing and unclawing. Behind him, a pair of vampires grip Matthew by the arms.

Natalie stands opposite them, folding her arms and giving the demon her best self-assured frown.

A perfect 'showdown' moment.

Natalie: I'm here.
Dokavuhl: Good.
Natalie: I left a really good party for this.
Dokavuhl: Slayer.
Natalie: ... Sorry, what did you say?
Matthew: Oh, yes, forgot to mention that. Sorry.
Dokavuhl: A Slayer took my eye. Now I have found another, to revenge myself. And after you another, and another, and another. And then -

Natalie interrupts by putting a crossbow bolt into its neck.

Dokavuhl: Coward!

It rips the bolt out and lumbers towards her. Taking this as a cue, the Dokavuhl's seconds let go of Matthew and charge as well.

Jake fires a bolt into the back of its neck.

Emma: Fire in the hole!

Emma shouts a quick spell, and the Cross is illuminated by a brief flash of white light. The Dokavuhl stumbles around, covering its good eye.

Matthew struggles free of the dazzled vampires, and William blasts one with his taser before Jake tags the other with his crossbow bolt and Will charges in with his axe.

Andy, in lycanthropic form, steamrollers into the Dokavuhl. Natalie holds her crossbow to her eye, trying to get a shot in, then the demon bats Andy away and she rushes in, weaving under its flailing arms, clambering onto its back and jabbing a crossbow bolt into its eye.

The Dokavuhl totters as she jumps and rolls away, drops to its knees and collapses into a puddle of dark greenish fluid and a pile of armour.

Natalie turns to Matthew as the group gathers, Andy in human form shaking dust off his hands.

Natalie: The Slayer thing. Why didn't you tell me?
Matthew: (shrugs) I didn't have time. It didn't seem important.
Natalie: (tuts) It might have been nice to know.

Jake mutters under his breath.

Jake: The Slayer. One girl in all the world. I suppose I can see a girl kicking monsters could make them think that. (shakes his head) But she's not the most eligible...

Jake walks away. Emma watches him go with a frown, then looks away back to the group, putting on a smile.

William: You realise that we killed all the witnesses who might go and tell all the other demons that you're not the Slayer, right?

Natalie considers this.

Natalie: ... Bugger.

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time on The Watch House:

The group looking slightly puzzled as two gangs of vampires fight each other.

The Paranormal Society looking at a bank of monitors.

Jake talking to a blonde girl.

Jake: So you're a... medium?
Holly: Yeah. Lucky me...

Chase, Watcher security agent, smirking.

Jake being picked up and flung across a room by an invisible force.

The next episode of The Watch House is Memories.

[Allison Wonderland]

Good stuff! But no giant stakes. :( :D

[Varyar]

William: You realise that we killed all the witnesses who might go and tell all the other demons that you're not the Slayer, right?

Natalie considers this.

Natalie: ... Bugger.

Hee. Good stuff. I love Natalie.

[Craig Oxbrow]

Good stuff! But no giant stakes. :( :D
Yes, well, we can't have everything.

Like Sullivan and Jake's little tete-a-tete, which is now scheduled for next episode...


Thank you kindly.

[sasori]

Giant Stakes?!?

Did I miss something?

D

[Craig Oxbrow]

Giant Stakes?!?

Did I miss something?

D
A private joke with our location scout.

It'll probably make sense in a few weeks. ;)

[Allison Wonderland]

A private joke with our location scout.

It'll probably make sense in a few weeks. ;)
:cool: :D

I'm going to put "location scout" on my next CV, I think.

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.11: Memories

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control
Matthew: shy bookish Prentice fresher lovelorn over Natalie
Natalie: horsy socialite Prentice fresher taking Matthew for granted
James: rugby prop turned vigilante vampire hunter

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster

Chase: Watcher security officer

Sullivan: mildly demonic magic-item fence
Victoria: ominous presence lurking in Jake's life

Michelle: smirking paranormal investigator
Matt: mumbling paranormal investigator
Alan: babbling paranormal investigator

Special guest star: Romola Garai as Holly

--
Previously, on The Watch House:

Jake, William and Andy rescuing Michelle from a crowd of demented rural cultists.

Michelle introducing the Parapsychology Society and the Watch, who try not to look nervous.

Escher: Richard Chase. I'd trust him about as far as I could throw him.

Victoria visiting a worried-looking Jake and handing him a note, which reads CHARYBDIS.

--
We open with William and Matthew chatting on patrol, as James goes ahead, swinging his axe disaffectedly.

Andy: Do you think he saw something?
William: What?
Matthew: I don't know, I can't see.
Natalie: Shh.
William: What?
Matthew: She said to be quiet.
William: Okay, but why?

James tuts and pauses to look down an alley - when he sees what would appear to be two gangs of vampires fighting each other.

William: Oh look. Vampires.
Jake: Oh, please, don't let us stop you. Carry on.

They decide against this, one group fleeing as the other charges the Watch.

William fires his taser, successfully electrifying a nearby dustbin.

William: What was that doing there?

As the bin rolls from the impact, Will picks it up and lamps the lead vampire with it. Andy cracks another in two, Matthew belts one with his torch and gets pushed back, Natalie passes by him and stakes it, Jake bullseyes with his crossbow and James pauses as he realises he's running into a cloud of dust.

William: So, I'm thinking of upgrading my crossbow again.
Matthew: Oh?
William: Something to track a moving target.

We pull back to see Andy slamming one vampire into another. The last of the vamps shatter...

Jake: Well, I guess we'll never know what that was about. Let's hope it was just a 'didn't like each other' kind of fight.
Matthew: My torch is broken again.
James: Well then, no more patrolling. Who's for the pub?
Matthew: Home. Definitely home.
Natalie: I'll walk you. (off everyone's looks) He might get scared. Or kidnapped.
Matthew: I think I have vampire dust in my mouth. (spits)
Andy: These guys aren't getting the message. They can't take us on... hey, who stepped on my jacket?

James straightens up and points at the pile of dust at his feet.

James: He did.
Natalie: Well, it's good that you all have confidence in your abilities. What with this Charybdis things and all.
James: Yeah, I was thinking about that.
Matthew: ...Really?
James: Yeah. In the stories, they got around the whirlpool by sending a smaller boat out...
Matthew: That'll help if we're in a ship when it appears. Anyway, I have some research to do.
James: Need a hand?
Matthew: No.

He turns to go.

Jake: At least he's expressing an interest.
Matthew: (forcefully) No.
James: (scowling) Fine.
Jake: Hey, don't worry about him.
James: (irritably) I don't. I know what I'm good for.

Jake: I think you hurt his feelings.

Matthew: So, he's going into the training room to hit the dummy.

Shortly thereafter, as the group departs, two more figures step into the corner, inspecting the scene. One of them picks up and replaces the bin.

Carlson: So these are they? Don't look much.
Morris: They might surprise you.
Carlson: That'd be nice. See what Chase wants done about it...

William heads off to the chemistry lab, and is approached by Alan DeBarry of the Parapsychology Society.

Alan: We've found something.
William: Oh...?
Alan: A medium. You know! (excitedly) Someone who can speak with ghosts!
William: (nervously) Uh... really?

He returns to the pub, looking rather bemused.

William: Uh... the Parapsychology Society want me to help record an experiment.
Emma: Really?
William: They say they've found a psychic. (looks at Jake) It's not you, right?
Jake: No...

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next morning, as the group straggle into Escher's office, they find Carlson and Morris there taking tea.

Jake: (warily) Oh look, new people...
Escher: Ah. Good morning.
Jake: Who's this?
Escher: Mister Morris, Mister Carlson. The Council's quarterly assessment.
James: Ass... ess... ment?
Jake: Oh. Woo hoo. Why?
Escher: Strictly routine.
James: This happens a lot?
Jake: Routinely.
Escher: That would be what 'routine' implies, yes.
Morris: Yes, this one wouldn't have been here for the last one, would he?
Emma: He has a name, y'know.
Carlson: I'm sure he does. (looks through file) James Patrick. Son of an associate professor of mathematics but himself more one for... playing rugby.
James: So, uh, what happens?
Andy: Oh, nothing fancy. These guys come along and tell us we're not doing good enough and should be replaced.

James looks at him, puzzled.

Natalie: The punchbag's through there.
James: Don't patronise me.
Natalie: Aww. (looks crestfallen) But it's so much fun...

Jake: So, what is it now?
Escher: Because this is what we do?
Jake: Oh yeah. Watching us. The clue is in the name. (flatly) Ha ha.

William arrives, carrying a handheld black light. He looks at Carlson and Morris and nods as if entirely unsurprised.

Jake: So, the Parapsychology Society want to record a medium looking around some haunted house. Who've they got?
William: Alan didn't say. I mean, it could be genuine, but it could be a charlatan. Would you be able to tell?
Jake: A medium isn't necessarily a psychic. There's a difference.
Emma: Well, not necessarily the same kind of psychic, but it is technically a psychic ability -
William: But you're both.
Jake: Well, yeah -
Andy: (grins) We have to go along and watch this. I mean, mediums. What a load of... (off Jake's look) no offence.

Morris and Carlson exchange looks.

Carlson: Ahem.
Morris: Now, I presume that you patrolled last night?
Natalie: Yes...
Jake: Why?
Morris: I would like to see your report.
Jake: William's written that up, hasn't he?
William: The notes for last night are a bit rough. Two groups of them, it looked like they were fighting each other.
Carlson: Did you make a positive identification?
Andy: They had big teeth.
Morris: (deadpan) I see... thank you.
Matthew: Ah, upon close inspection there wasn't anything indicating cult allegiance.
William: And Matthew was pretty close.

Morris: I expect you will be on duty tonight as well.
Jake: Yes...
Morris: So that we can accompany you and observe.
Jake: And again, why?
Morris: To ensure a fair report.
Jake: Right then. Coffee?
Andy: Sounds good.
Jake: Right then. Shall we?
Natalie: Yes, I've got a lecture to get to.

James doesn't even make an excuse as he retreats as well. William and Matthew look at each other.

Jake: I thought you had a lecture.
Natalie: In about an hour. I just kind of wanted to get away from them.
Jake: They have that effect.
Natalie: I thought I left that kind of thing behind when I left the Academy.
Jake: Where'd you get that idea?
Natalie: Hope.

On the way out, James pauses.

James: So are we doing this psychic thing as well?
William: Well, I am anyway.
James: Is this really our problem?
William: Well, we like to keep track of people who have a habit of walking into haunted houses on purpose.
Jake: I guess we better go. (looks down)
William: Okay. Just, please, don't wind them up too much.
Jake: You mean I can't...

He waves a hand over the desk and it lifts an inch off the ground and rotates slowly in place.

William: Exactly.

The desk lands. Matthew quickly retrieves the book he was looking at, which was sitting on it when it took off.

Matthew: If you don't mind, some of us are trying to conduct some research.
James: Oh, hey, what was that name again?
Jake: Chlamydia.

Natalie returns, with jacket, to find James glaring at Jake.

Natalie: What happened now?
Jake: We got an invite to a party.
Natalie: Really? I know the Mingle's coming up, but...
Jake: To see a medium.
Natalie: Err... don't we have one already?
William: It's just a bunch of geeks. Don't worry about it.
Jake: He's worried you'll show him up. But anyway, we're off to talk to dead people. Or watch someone else do it. Or pretend to.
Natalie: I'll... be at the club then.
William: Apparently it depends on when the moon aligns with the earth at a certain angle.
Andy: That reminds me. I haven't called Luna in two weeks...

William tests a hand-held black light and tries not to look like he's watching Morris look over the weapons racks and workbench in the practice room. Matthew follows Carlson into the side room. And finds Chase waiting for him. The Council's security assessor smiles.

Chase: Ah, Mister Fairweather. Do come in. Take a seat.
Matthew: Thank you...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

We find the rest of the group at the Brody, trying the coffee.

Natalie: So, what does a Watcher assessment involve?
Jake: In my experience, they say 'so' and let you fill the silence for about ten minutes.
Andy: So how long are they gonna be here?
Natalie: I didn't think to ask.
Jake: Could be a day, could be bloody ages.

William arrives, patting his right cheek.

Jake: Did somebody hit you?
William: No, I've been testing a handheld UV lamp. Want to try it on vampires.
Andy: You've been watching Blade again, haven't you?
William: ...yes.
Natalie: Where's Matthew?
William: Still back there. They must have managed to corner him.
Natalie: Great... Did you find anything out?
William: They seem like ordinary boring Watchers.
Andy: They could be demons pretending!
Jake: Then we'd have to kill them...
William: Like we'd be that lucky.
Natalie: That would just call for a reassessment.
Jake: Good point.

James: So what do they do?
Jake: They watch. We get into it. Draws attention.
Natalie: Now now, we're hardly the only ones who get out there.
James: Yeah, there's me.
Natalie: That's not what I meant. At all.
Jake: Why are you here, anyway? For the sake of getting our stories straight if they ask. What do you know?
James: I'm here because I met you. And I want to help. And I know about vampires.
Natalie: Sort of.

Matthew arrives, smiling placidly. Everyone looks at him suspiciously.

Natalie: Where were you?
Matthew: Oh, they took me into a side room and asked me how I'm doing, how my dad's getting on...
James: So you're from a family of...
Andy: Breeding isn't everything.
Natalie: Says the guy who inherited a superhuman power. Anyway, I have a lecture to go to, so I probably won't see you guys until they're gone. I mean until later.

As Natalie heads out, she makes a call.

Natalie: Hello, mummy? Yes, erm, do you know some security men called Morris and Carlson?... No shady pasts or anything?... Oh. Thanks! (to herself) Well, worth a try.

Andy: I've got a plan. We take them on patrol.
Jake: Like the last guy they sent? He sort of fell into a wine cellar.
William: They want us to take them patrolling.
Andy: Oh. Right. Well, the plan is, we... ditch them!

Jake grimaces and rubs his forehead. As he looks up, Natalie returns.

Natalie: Okay, apparently they're on the Christmas card list.
Jake: Isn't that like two hundred people?
Natalie: Well... yes, but still. I presume we're patrolling as standard tonight? Look our best?
William: There's that thing with the medium as well.
Jake: Let's meet outside, not at the office.
William: Good call...
Jake: When is this thing, anyway?
William: Eightish. If we don't find anything we'll be done by then.
Jake: Right. Something to do first...

Cut to Jake entering the Queen's Head, a decidedly seedy and dingy pub. He pauses at the door and looks round, his face pale. His gaze stops on a figure in a booth at the back of the bar. He heads over to the figure shrouded in darkness, and sits opposite him at the table. Jake takes his cigarettes out of his pocket and lights up. The flare from the lighter shows the person opposite to be Sullivan, before going out again, leaving the demon in the shadows once more. Jake draws deeply on his cigarette.

Sullivan: I hope you realise I don't usually come at your beck and call. So, this had better be good.
Jake: (looks around) I need information.

The demon leans back in the stall and smiles.

Sullivan: Oh, need it do you? Well, you know me, anything to help the cause. (leans forward again) Besides, you reek of fear, lad, and that smells a lot like money to me. (smiles again)
Jake: I need you to find out what you can on this woman.

Jake reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out a slightly crumpled piece of paper, which he hands across the table. Sullivan looks at the paper, with eyebrows raised.

Sullivan: Like what, her phone number? (grins) You got good taste, though some'd say she's a little out of your league.

He folds the paper in half and reaches out to give it back to Jake.

Sullivan: I'm no pimp, go find someone else to do your dirty work.

Jake puts his hand out and stops Sullivan's hand before he can return the paper.

Jake: Her name is Victoria Valdermar. She's a vampire. A nasty one.
Sullivan: As opposed to a little fluffy puppy dog with bad teeth.
Jake: She's back in town, and she's up to something. Something big. And I need to know what.
Sullivan: "I need?" What about your little friends?

Jake leans over the table and looks Sullivan in the eye.

Jake: I need you to pull out all the stops on this one.
Sullivan: (leans back in the booth) I see, like that then? Pulling out all the stops is a risky thing to do. I mean, you don't have any more stops. I like having stops.

He smiles thinly, then drops the smile entirely.

Sullivan: I'm not one to go sticking my neck out much. Kinda bad for business.
Jake: Whatever it takes, whatever the cost! Just find out for me. I... I'll owe you one!
Sullivan: Oh, you'll owe more than one, boy! But, call me a fool, I'll see what I can do.
Jake: You can reach me here.

He hands over his mobile number, gets up from the booth and leaves. Sullivan watches him go, the fiery light inside his eyes intensifying for a moment as he smirks, then looks down at the picture and whistles appreciatively.

Jake leaves the pub, gets outside, and collapses against the wall, lighting a cigarette, his hands shaking.

He reaches into his shirt, and pulls out a small silver cross on a chain. He concentrates, and sees an image of an old manor house, the window exploding in a hail of glass as two figures smash through it, ending up in a heap together. There's a pause, before they separate with a jump.

Jake puts the chain back round his neck, and heads into town as the sun sets...

William arrives outside the office after dark, wearing an X Files T-shirt and Schwa "alien face" cap. Jake doesn't know where to look.

Andy: It's not that I don't believe in you. Obviously I believe some things.
Jake: Well, yeah.
Andy: But these guys finding one...?
Jake: (shrugs) Could happen.
Andy: I mean... I believe in werewolves...
Jake: We're going to see a medium. That's all. Chill out.

William hands Matthew a new torch.

William: Don't shine it in your eyes.
Jake: Can we get on?
Morris: I concur.

He stands in the office doorway, holding a clipboard.

Jake: Okay then. Let's go on patrol and find things to hit. Very, very hard.
Andy: I like hitting. (beams)
Natalie: In a professional context, he means. Are you noting this down?
Morris: (dryly) ... yes...

Natalie: In case we actually find any trouble, keep an eye on Mister Morris.
Andy: Why do I have to stay with him? Don't like him.
Natalie: His being killed would probably earn us a demerit.
Andy: Tcchhh.

Jake hears something up ahead, draws his sword and charges into the night.

Natalie: Ah, Jake? Possibly... not...

Andy runs after him, James following close behind.

Matthew gives Morris an 'oh well, what are you gonna do?' smile.

Up ahead, a pair of vampires charge up behind Jake, turn, and tackle Andy. He's about to hit one of them when Jake comes up behind them and skewers it.

Jake: Just my luck. Come on, you bastards!
Andy: Get offff...rrrrr...

Natalie catches up, crossbow at the ready, and fires at one of... several hanging back.

As Andy throws off the one and a half vampires on top of him, Natalie takes a headcount and Jake turns and charges, smiling grimly.

Natalie cringes and runs after him, stake in hand.

James catches up, axe at the ready.

Natalie: Shoo!

He somewhat sulkily beheads the nearest vamp.

William leads Matthew and Morris in. He fires his crossbow and encourages the vampires to take cover. Matthew activates his torch, which has a bluish tinge.

William: Keep it steady! It's a UV and -
Vampire: Hey, that... kinda stings!
William: Okay, back to the drawing board...

One of those fighting Jake turns and goes. He raises a hand, and its feet lose traction. He flings a stake, it twists in the air, and smashes through its back. He grabs another by the collar and punches it across the jaw, repeatedly.

James: Just kill it! We don't have time for this!
Jake: Make time.

Crossbow bolts and the slight discomfort of the UV light encourage another trio of vamps to leave the main group alone. The one flung away by Andy gets up, and Jake intercepts it sword-first.

Jake: See you've woken up then.
Vampire: Rrrrg!
Jake: Oh, those witty comebacks.

Matthew can't keep the torch steady, and one of the vamps lunges at him, only to be dragged to the ground by Andy. It shoves him away and springs forwards - and Matthew puts the torch in its mouth.

It gargles, steam rising from its face, and reels back, taking the torch - and Matthew - with it.

Natalie kicks it broadside, and Matthew gets pulled along as it falls sideways. She helps him up, then he pulls out a stake and drives it home.

Matthew: And I'm covered in dust again.
Morris: Yes, well, this is what crossbows are for. And ground troops.

William ignores Morris's opinion and elbows a vampire in the face, then follows it with a punch that the demon blocks.

Morris: Really, you telegraphed that move.

Matthew takes a moment to glare at Morris, then stakes the vampire two-handed.

Natalie: Don't breathe it in, you'll have an allergy attack...

Morris surveys the carnage. Or, more accurately, the big pile of dust.

Jake sheathes his sword, straightens up and walks away.

Morris: Where's he going?
Natalie: The, uh, medium thing. He'll be back or another patrol same time tomorrow. (quietly) I hope.
Matthew: He seems to feel not want should be around the people. Er...
Natalie: You saw how he fought. You have enough to go on.

Morris shrugs. In the background, William and Matthew run off after Jake. Morris tuts. Andy ignores the tut and runs off as well.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake duly arrives at an abandoned house with a faded 'For Sale - Will Let' sign leaning tiredly in the overgrown lawn.

Jake: So, what's the history on this place?
William: Apparently a father and daughter died on the same night. The girl wanted to marry beneath her station...

Michelle smiles amiably as Matthew arrives.

Jake: Careful. The first time we met her, she made it very clear that she wasn't a suitable virgin sacrifice.

The fourth member of the paranormal crew steps forward, a young woman introduced as...

Michelle: Our medium, Holly Marnier.

She goes along the line, shaking hands.

Holly: Hello, hello, hi...

She pauses at Jake, holding on to his hand and gazing into his eyes.

Holly: ... hello?
Jake: ... hi.

Andy: What happened there?
Jake: I don't really know.

William: So, Miss Marnier.
Holly: Ye-es?
William: How did you find out about your... abilities?
Holly: I was at my grandmother's funeral when I... saw her waving. From behind her gravestone. Not, y'know, in the casket or anything. That would've been... well, it was already pretty weird, but you know what I mean...
William: And how did you meet these guys?
Holly: Oh, they had a booth at the psychic fair in Glastonbury.
Andy: Can you see futures?
Holly: N-
Andy: Can you see if I have a future with this girl called Luna?
Holly: Lu-
Andy: She's a witch.
Holly: Oh, are -
Andy: Me? Noooo.

He holds out a hand to her.

Holly: I actually can't. But, you scraped your knuckles?
Andy: Oh yeah. Rugby club. Y'know. Damn them. (acting butch) Grrrr.
Holly: uh... right.

Holly leans back against the wall, folding her arms and hunkering down.

Jake: She doesn't seem like the attention-grabbing sort.
William: hm.

Holly: Uh, so... this guy, Jake is it?
Andy: Jake's cool. He can go through a kebab faster than anyone I know.
Holly: Oh. Uh, good to know. Thanks. (smiles weakly)

Echoing Female Voice: Father... please...
Matthew: Is this going to start sometime soon? I knew I should have brought a book on psychics.
Jake: You didn't hear that?

Matthew stares at Jake over his glasses.

Jake: Okay, obviously not.

He looks around and notices that Holly is doing the same. She waves to William, Alan and his colleague Matt to start recording.

William: Okay, we have... nothing.
Jake: Great.
Holly: Yeah.

They share a look.

James strolls in.

James: Oh, hey, this place has a draft.
Matthew: Actually, it could be a sign that a ghost -
William: No, it's a draft.
Matthew: Tsk.
Holly: I think the voice came from upstairs.

Michelle looks up.

Michelle: C'mon.
Matthew: ... me?

Matthew hides behind his book.

Michelle: What's his thing?
Jake: He's just young. Has a few things to learn. (half smiles)

The lights flicker. And then go out.

Andy: (flatly) Oh, that's always a good sign...

Matthew retrieves his torch, and switches it on. Naturally, right in James's face.

Jake uses his cigarette lighter. William shuts one eye and looks through the viewfinder on his infrared camera with the other. Andy relies on his eyesight.

Holly wanders upstairs, apparently talking to herself.

Holly: Now, the father of the family used this room as a study. I can hear his... daughter...

William looks over at Jake, who nods. Then everyone hears a low hiss from all around.

Michelle: Oh, nice one.
Jake: These guys own a cat?
William: A really big cat?

Matthew: Something just ran over my foot.
James: Probably a mouse. Or a spider.
William: Was it small?
James: Like a spider?
Michelle: ... Meanie head.

The lights flicker and come on, dimly.

Jake: Ah, we're just jumping at shadows.

And behind him, the shadows move...

Alan: Hey, why are the monitors upside down?
Matt: uh...
Michelle: And the chairs?
Jake: Okay, that's weird.
Matthew: Anything on infrared?
William: Not as such...
Matthew: Maybe we should try the UV again?
William: Yes, rub it in...

James: Well, at least it seems benign...

Everyone pauses and gives him a look.

James: ...What?

Matthew looks into the study. Six books and videos have been laid out on the writing desk.

Matthew: Farmer Giles Of Ham. Arms And The Man. Tales Of Mystery And Imagination. Hamburger Hill? Everglade Adventure... and the next one should begin with...
Michelle: Return Of The King.
Matthew: R.

He turns to the door.

Matthew: I think I've found something! These spell out 'father'. And... there are more.
Michelle: Nevermore. Orlando. Nothing Ventured. Obligations. No More.
Matthew: Oh no.

James: (smiling roguishly) Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we go out and research this somewhere else?
Holly: (blithely unaware) Like a séance?
James: (crestfallen) Uh... sure. Yeah.

Matthew reads the titles aloud.

Matthew: No, No, No More...

And then the door slams, locking them in.

Jake: Can you see it?
Holly: Where?
Jake: There!

She looks and sees an indistinct, transparent white figure hovering by the study door.

Holly: Oh.
Jake: Can you talk to it?
Holly: If it wants to talk... what about you?
Jake: Uh... worth a try.
Holly: I can open my mind and let it speak through me.
Jake: That doesn't sound safe.
Holly: It needs to be heard. That's what I'm here for.
Jake: Nobody's forcing you to do this.
Holly: If I don't help it's gonna bug me knowing I could have. You know what that's like.

Jake admits it with a nod.

The figure floats down the balcony, into the nursery.

James slams against the study door. It swings open on him, then slams shut again and he's shoved backwards.

Holly: You see her? The crying woman?
Jake: ... yeah.
Holly: Hello? It's okay. We're here to help. To let you go free.
Echoing Female Voice: Not free. Never free. Father.
Holly: Where is he?

In answer, a second spectral figure appears behind her and knocks her across the room.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake: Leave her alone!
Father: She wants to take my daughter from me. What would you do, boy?

The father ghost backhands Jake off his feet.

William pulls his taser out of his bag. Andy tenses.

William: Where is it?
Andy: I can't see it!

James puts his head down and charges right through the ghost. He doesn't slow down, as he passes through the spirit.

James: Did I get it? Did I do anything?
Holly: N-no!

Matthew turns on the UV torch. He sees Michelle looking at him funny, and quickly turns to shine it in the corners of the study.

Matthew: No, still can't see anything...

Jake gets up.

Jake: Back off. Everybody.

He addresses the ghost.

Jake: She's long gone. You can let her rest, you can't hurt her any more.
Father: Fool. I can still hurt you.

He advances and grabs Jake. Jake kicks him, and he actually flinches. Then he shoves Jake aside.

Jake: Holly!

Holly backs against the wall, shivering.

Jake: We can fight it! The three of us!

Jake tries to get up, groaning, as Andy's fists pass through the ghost's back to no effect.

Holly stands up, takes a step forward, and raises a fist. The ghostly father grins cruelly.

Then the second figure, his daughter, takes Holly's other hand.

Her fist connects.

A flash of white light and a gust of wind blasts through the room.

Holly turns and looks at her other hand, in time to see the daughter's ghost fade away with a sad, grateful smile.

Andy helps Jake to his feet.

Holly: So. How come I've never heard of you?
Jake: Uh... I don't do public appearances.

As the doors creak open, Matt and Alan rush in.

William: So, did you get all that on tape?
Matt: ... huh?

We cut to the office as, Morris and Carlson confer with Escher.

Morris: An adequate showing...
Carlson: If a little prone to roughhousing. And as for the number of civilians involved...
Escher: Yes, well, it's good to see that people care.
Morris: ... Well, I suppose that's one way to look at it.

They depart and Escher shakes his head.

Andy and William support Jake as he limps down the stairs.

Holly: Oh, thanks for, y'know, saving my life and all.
Jake: Hey, you saved mine too.
Holly: Only after I put it in danger.
Jake: Oh, here's my number. In case you want to talk about this kind of thing.
Holly: I'd like that. Thanks.

And they limp and hobble out of the house, which is now truly empty.

CREDITS!

And over the credits, from inside the haunted house's study...

Michelle: Look, if this is the end, we shouldn't die alone, if you know what I -
Matthew: Hey look, the door's open!

And out he runs. She steps out a moment later, smirking wickedly.

GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time on The Watch House:

Natalie admiring her reflection in a dark green ballgown.
Matthew fiddling with a bow tie.
William holding a door for Charlotte, all in white.
Andy trying to button a shirt.
Emma uncomfortably pulling a black jacket closed over the top of a royal blue dress.
Jake fiddling with Matthew's bow tie.
And someone watching Matthew as he steps tentatively towards Natalie in a crowded ballroom.

The next episode of The Watch House is Teenage Kicks.

--
Actual Play bit

This is actually two (unusually short) sessions of Actual Play, with the addition of the Sullivan scene by Derek (Jake's player) retrospectively. So the storylines may not exactly mesh.

The Watcher inspection was one week's plotline, the medium and the haunted house the other's. I always aim to make my standalone episodes... stand alone.

[Allison Wonderland]

Giant stakes are gone, by the way. They only lasted through the end of the summer festival thingy.

[Craig Oxbrow]

Coming soon... (ideally it would be now, but I'm on the other side of the planet and my attachment didn't work emailing myself the file)

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.12: Teenage Kicks

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control
Matthew: shy bookish Prentice fresher lovelorn over Natalie
Natalie: horsy socialite Prentice fresher taking Matthew for granted
James: rugby prop turned vigilante vampire hunter

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend
Rosalind: queen of Cambridge's social scene
Luna: witches' coven tech support

Victoria: spoiled vampire daughter of a 1920s Watcher

--
Previously, on The Watch House:

Jake's vision of Victoria sinking her fangs into his throat.

Victoria sliding a note over to Jake, and him reading it.
Victoria: You'll know it when you see it. With the nights drawing in, it shouldn't be too long. Oh, and one more thing.

Jake: Charybdis?

William clearly unsure how to respond to this news.

Matthew looking forlornly at Natalie as she wows the social scene.

Matthew hiding from a social event

--
We open on a middle-aged man named Timothy (James Fleet) sitting in a library head office, looking through an age-yellowed diary. He comes across a page with an illustration depicting a vortex in space...

Timothy: Oh God...

Rosalind: Oh God!

We cut to Rosalind looking over the decorations for the college's Winter Mingle, cringing as she talks into the phone.

Rosalind: You're sure you can't play? The Mingle's on Friday night!
Jake (on phone): We really haven't been working on the music since that gig a couple months back.
Rosalind: Lose your drummer again?
Jake: No, for once. Just... been busy. Studying.

He looks around the office, at Matthew and Escher scouring the bookshelves.

Rosalind: Gnaahh... ahem. I mean, thank you anyway. See you Friday.

She looks over the hall.

Rosalind: Bad enough that the decorations aren't nearly done...
Natalie: Relax, I've got some willing volunteers, they're happy to help out. Aren't you?

Andy glares at her as he blows up a silver and blue balloon. She goes over to William, cutting paper snowflakes.

Natalie: William, look busy.
William: What are these supposed to be?
Natalie: Er... Art Deco?
William: Riiight...
Natalie: Look, this is my social life here.
William: (smirking) You don't need a social life, do you?
Natalie: (definitely not smirking) Finish the snowflakes. Now.
William: You know, I could be with Matthew looking in the Watcher diaries for references to Charybdis...

And cut to Matthew putting down a Watcher diary, looking at a fax, and calling William.

Matthew: Charybdim draws life unto herself and destroys it...
William: Okay. I'll be there in a minute.

He almost manages not to smirk until he leaves. He finds Matthew and Jake looking over faxes of the page the middle-aged Watcher was looking at.

Matthew: My father faxed this to me. A Sixteenth Century Watcher, Edmund Winstanton, was seeking information on a vortex of some kind that... sucked up life and threatened to destroy the world... why do you have scissors?
William: ...I was helping Natalie decorate for the Mingle.
Matthew: Oh.
Jake: I'm sure she would have told you.
Matthew: ... Don't worry about it. I'm quite happy to use the end of the world as an excuse not to trim invitations.
Jake: Then just don't do it.
Matthew: She'd make me. She always does.
Jake: Oh, right...

He shakes his head, and looks over at Escher as he examines the page.

Escher: Looks like an end-of-the-world deal.
William: Well, that's two in one night if you listen to Rosalind.

He smiles weakly, and we go to...

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Matthew gets out of a London black taxicab outside the British Museum and hurries into one of the adjoining buildings.

He waves to receptionist as he enters an impressive and almost deserted library. Weaving among the bookshelves without a thought, he arrives at a desk where the middle-aged man looks up, and smiles amiably.

Timothy: Ah. Matthew. Good of you to come.
Matthew: Father.
Timothy: So, how's uni?
Matthew: Fine...
Timothy: And little Natalie?
Matthew: She's... er... good. You said there was something you couldn’t send by fax?
Timothy: Ah. Yes. Printed in light-sensitive ink.

He shows his son a page of an age-yellowed book.

Timothy: Apparently Charybdim, the Hellenic form of Charybdis, can be summoned by the Calling of the Nine. Nine what, it doesn't say. So I'm having some of the other research staff look through numerological references and cross-checking with prophecies, astronomy and, well, you know, the usual.

Matthew squints at the page.

Matthew: I see... yes... hmm.
Timothy: Of course, I could have told you all that over the phone.
Matthew: Well, I wanted to get out of town for a while anyway (weak smile)... plus it's always nice to come home once in a while.

He ignores the look his father gives him.

Matthew: So, apparently Mister Winstanton -
Timothy: (idly) Squire Winstanton -
Matthew: Sorry... he stopped the summoning and Charybdis retreated before he could get a good look at... it?
Timothy: Yes. But not before it killed the summoners, most of those fighting on both sides, and a field full of crops. They hadn't grown back a year later, according to this footnote...
Matthew: Right. I suppose I'd better take this back. Um... good to see you.
Timothy: (brightly) Yes, of course.

Natalie pauses in her marshalling efforts as a young man comes in and looks around.

Rosalind: Natalie Derby-Moore, Nicholas Pettifer.
Natalie: Pleased to meet you...
Nicholas: Charmed. So, what are you doing here?
Natalie: Oh, only the skilled work that has to wait until the last minute.
Andy: (shouting over) Are there any more balloons to stick up?

Natalie cringes.

Natalie: Ah, so... you...?
Nicholas: Well, I was hoping to ask Rosalind something.
Natalie: (disappointed) oh.
Nicholas: If, perhaps, she could see fit to let her design consultant go early so she might accompany me to the Mingle itself?
Natalie: (pleasantly startled) ... Oh!

William, meanwhile, is in the office worrying about less pressing matters as Matthew returns.

William: So, what's this about the end of the world?
James: Uh... have you guys dealt with stuff like this before?
William: Now and then. Luck isn't always on our side.
James: Hey, if this thing hasn't happened since ancient Greece, maybe the ancient Greeks dealt with it. Y'know, stories can have happy endings...
Matthew: It was last recorded in the Fifteen Hundreds.
James: Ahrr.
William: Let's work from the assumption that this isn't a happy world.
Natalie: Nobody from Happy World wants us in it...

Everyone glances at her as she enters, smirking.

Jake: Still with the snowflakes?
Natalie: A little more than that.

Emma looks over a map, holding her dowsing line.

Emma: Okay, checking for 'calling' and lucky number nine... nothing leaping out.
Jake: That's always good.
Emma: Yeah. 'Cause with the leaping...
William: I should look that up.
James: Here you go.
William: (irritably) You had the book all this time and you didn't give it to me?
James: (defensively) I was looking in the index...
Jake: Lemme guess, he found chapter nine...

William glowers at James... then looks in the index.

William: Okay, they have to be in a circle... doesn't say how big...
Jake: So, they could be anywhere in the world. So what we really need to do...
Emma: ... is find out who's doing this...
Jake: ... and stop them.
Matthew: Surely you can ask whoever gave you the name?

Jake looks at Matthew, gets up and goes outside. Matthew follows, getting a look as Jake leans against the outer wall, having a smoke and a brood.

Matthew: Am I... saying... the wrong thing?
Jake: Yeah.
Matthew: Er... sorry. Hey, what's the prop still doing here?
Jake: He went and read the Monster Manual for Dungeons & Dragons.
Matthew: Uh... Well, anyway, while the target area could be any size, the cited example was a small town, starting in a field outside.

Jake nods vaguely, flings his cigarette butt away, and comes back inside.

James: So, Mister Escher, would this magic shield thingy affect the summoning?
Escher: Possibly. We've no way of knowing.
Jake: But they could summon it outside the shield anyway.
Matthew: Death of the city, if not the world.
Natalie: Oh well. The hall looks lovely.
Jake: Got a replacement band yet?
Natalie: Not yet... (quietly) no confirmed date either... Just Rosalind on the phone going "what do you mean, no?" a lot. Doesn't look good.
William: Well, cheer up. The world might be destroyed. (grins)
Natalie: (deadpan) Oh good. So. Ugh. Ancient Greek whirlpool apocalypse. How do we know about this anyway?
Jake: I... overheard someone in the pub... who was talking to me... no, okay, that doesn't work. I got it from a vampire.
Natalie: (icily) I didn't know we were talking to them.
Jake: I was caught off guard... It was Victoria.

Matthew and James both look around curiously as the room falls silent.

Emma: Oh. (scowls) How is she?
Jake: Still dead.
Emma: Not quite enough.
Jake: Well... no.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

We pan around the group. And we see a lot of unhappy faces.

William: So, is this Victoria winding us up?
Jake: Could be. She's not the most reliable source.
Emma: Quite.
James: But, what did this vampire girl say?
Jake: Gist of it is that she's not in charge of it or anything.
Emma: Of course not.
James: Why come to you?
William: Girls tell Jake things.

Jake glowers at William, who responds by smiling thinly.

William: Back to the end of the world.
Jake: She was unhelpfully vague. We just have to be ready.
Matthew: (flatly) Well, that's rather the point of being Watchers. Stopping threats to the world.
Jake: (irritably) I thought you got little girls to fight for you.
Matthew: (looks away) ... She's not so little. And she's deceptively strong.
Jake: Not a Slayer, either. Despite what the local demons seem to think. And... (pauses) that's all I know.
William: (all business) Do you have any way of getting in contact with her?
Jake: (deadpan) Yeah, because she'd be sure to tell us more.
James: If she is talking, having her number would be good.
Jake: Uh... no.

Escher drums his fingers on the desk.

Escher: So, I would assume she is behind one of the factions in this war.
Emma: Seems like her.
Escher: And now the other one's threatening to wipe out the city.
Emma: According to her.
James: So we need to take them both out.
Jake: I liked it more when we just let them fight each other.
Escher: Yes, well. Can't have everything. (looks around) Matthew, have you found where the Sixteenth Century incident took place?
Matthew: Ah, yes. It destroyed a farm in the Sussex Downs.
James: What, a farmhouse? They're not that big -
Matthew: No, a farm. Eight acres.
Escher: Right. I suggest we go and took a look in the morning.
William: I'll get one of those ground-penetrating radar scanners...
Jake: You think I might be able to see something after four hundred years?
Escher: I honestly hope not.
Jake: ... Right.

Jake nods. Silence descends again. Then Natalie comes in. She pauses in the door, arching an eyebrow.

Jake: Oh, hey. Do you know where Rosalind is?
Natalie: I think she's at the pub... I can tell her you're looking?
Jake: No, I want to know so I can be away.
Natalie: No luck getting the band together, then.
Jake: Not really, no.
Natalie: Well, that's... sucky.
Jake: Well, things have come up.
Emma: And considering what happened last time...
Natalie: Oh, that was just a few vampires.
Emma: I meant last time he played the Mingle.

For a moment, we see her memories of the year before, Jake on stage, Emma kissing him. Then back to the present and she smiles slightly.

Jake: Yeah, wouldn't want that to happen again.
Emma: ...
Jake: What?
Emma: (quietly) nothing.

He looks at her, and she studiously examines the woodgrain of the desktop.

William: Hey. I pulled up the satellite photos for the farm. And... there's this circular bit that nothing's growing on.
Emma: Still.
William: Still.
Jake: ... Worth going then.
Emma: See you in the morning.
Natalie: (disappointed) Aren't we going to patrol?
Escher: Ahh... yes. Those getting up early... just a short sweep.
Natalie: Good. I've been cutting snowflakes all day.

We cut to the group stowing their weapons as they return to relative safety.

Jake: Too quiet.
Emma: Can't say I mind.
Jake: Yeah... but there's that 'too' part. Well, if nothing leaps out, we...

He pauses and looks around. Nothing leaps out.

Emma: There's that leaping again...
Jake: Avoid Brody's and head home?
William: Not me. I'm meeting Charlotte there. Have to arrange when to pick her up for the Mingle.
Jake: Well, I'm going home.
William: Even Matthew's coming.
Jake: I find that hard to believe.
William: To the pub, I mean.
Jake: Oh. Right.
Emma: Still avoiding Ros?
Natalie: She might not be there.
James: Or she might be at the door waiting to nag at you.
Jake: She can join the queue. (glances at Emma) For nagging.

Jake heads off, shaking his head, and the others enter the bar. Sure enough, Rosalind and ten of her close personal friends are there, including Nicholas.

William: So, Jake made the right decision. Almost like he's psychic.

Emma smirks and shakes her head as Will goes off to give Charlotte a hug.

Charlotte: You alright?
William: I can't just be happy to see you?
Charlotte: Well, if you insist. (smirks) I mean, you have been busy a while.
William: No, I... not really... well, sort of. (off her look) I wasn't counting Natalie dragging us around to help.

Cut to Andy, still blowing up balloons. In wolf form.

Rosalind notices Matthew not coming over as Natalie does.

Rosalind: So, not taking part in Natalie's heroic efforts? Keeping busy?
Matthew: Um... Yes. I've been busy.
Rosalind: Busy is good.
Matthew: Yes. Busy. (nods)
Rosalind: If you weren't, I'd know.
Matthew: (whimpers)

Natalie: Did I just see you talking to Ros?
Matthew: I'm sure she thought I was someone else.
William: She can be like that.
Matthew: She says she knows what I'm doing.
William: Er...?
Natalie: She knows everything.
William: (warily) She does?
Natalie: Socially.
William: Oh.

He visibly relaxes. Charlotte looks a little suspicious.

James: No, no, she decides everything.
Charlotte: hm?
James: Ros has evil powers over people's minds - Ros, hi! How are you? (cringes)
Natalie: We really aren't with him. Ah... so, tell me more about that guy. (nods to Nicholas)
Rosalind: Oh, you know. The usual. Eton, daddy's a barrister.
Natalie: Ah. Er... have you found a band?

She ignores William shaking his head and mouthing 'no' repeatedly.

Rosalind: I'm afraid not. Can't persuade Jake?
William: He is a stubborn sort...

And cut to Jake, alone in his room, glaring at his guitar.

And cut again, to the next morning and the Land Rover. Natalie spreads out some cushions. Jake sits up front and fiddles with the tape player. The car falls into silence. Matthew sits backwards, as far from Natalie as possible in the back of a cab that seats six in the rear. Andy cuts snowflakes the whole way.

And cut again, to the group standing outside on scrubland.

Emma: So, what are we looking for?
Jake: Something like this.
The group spread out as Jake walks around a circle of bare, dark earth spotted with blackened stones.

Emma: I'm not getting a vibe.
Jake: You'll find it.
Emma: No, I mean... I'm not getting any vibe at all. It's like there's nothing here. At all.

Andy rakes at the earth with a fingernail.

Andy: Soil's crumbly. Arid.
William: I suppose we could always blame a government conspiracy. Y'know, crop circles.
Andy: Only no crops.

William nods and takes a sample of the earth.

Jake: It'll be fine... Just looking. It's been gone for centuries...

He crouches down and hesitantly places a hand on the rock.

He falls back, as if struck, wide-eyed, and scrabbles away from the circle. Emma bends down to help him up, and he flinches away. She tries not to look hurt as he straightens up.

Jake: Okay. I saw... this is, was, centred on nine figures. Didn't get a good look. Too bright. They were gathered round a sacrificial dagger. Nothing happened until it was in place. So... nothing specific to this site. Which helps in a way...
Emma: Yeah, now we know it doesn't matter where it gets called.
Jake: So, the power's in the dagger.
Emma: I know about empowering weapons... uh, can we get away from here?
Jake: Yeah.

He looks up, and we see his perspective. Nine figures marking the circumference of a roiling tornado of red and purple light stretching up as far as the eye can see...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

The group leave the office, still dressed for their trip and carrying weapons.

Natalie: Might as well patrol before we get changed.
Jake: Right. (pauses) This way.

He leads them through the narrow alleys out of the Shield, and straight into three vampires crossing the grass in one of the college squares.

Jake raises his crossbow. James charges right past him into the middle of the fight, and he curses at the back of his head.

Matthew: Another one on my left!... No, my left!

Andy crashes into one of them, picks it up and throws it at another. The one he hit falls over, covered in the dust of the one he threw.

William: Keep off the grass!

Jake ignores him, picks up the "Keep off the grass" sign and stakes the downed vampire with it.

Behind him, another vamp shoves Natalie to the ground, then James catches his axe in its collarbone.

William fires his taser... and hits James's axe. This still transfers enough to flatten the vampire. James carefully taps the axehandle and then pulls it out.

Matthew goes to help Natalie up.

Matthew: Are you okay?
Natalie: (irritably) Fine.
Matthew: It hit you. Looked sore...

James looms over the flattened vampire, axe in hand, and grabs it by the throat.

James: So do we want information, or not?
Jake: Yeah.

Jake comes over, raising his crossbow again. And putting the "Keep off the grass" sign into the ground, next to the vampire's head.

Jake: So, you vampires up to something nasty? Getting together for a big battle. Know anything?
Vamp: He's... crushing my... larynx.
Jake: James, get his arms.

James puts it in a full nelson.

Vamp: Kill all you want. We'll just make more.
Jake: You're not answering the question.
Vamp: What you gonna do, not stake me?
Jake: We could hand you over to the Watchers' security team. Or their demon biological testing unit.

The vampire snarls.

Jake: William, I think he's on the grass.

William nods, pulls out a stake and finishes the vamp off. Jake shakes his head.

Natalie: So, are you and Charlotte going?
William: I assume so. I got tickets.
Natalie: You have asked Charlotte, haven't you? This isn't something you assume.
William : Er... I assumed it was...
Natalie: Did you say "would you like to come to the Mingle with me" at any time?
William: Ahh...
Natalie: How long have you been together?
William: Since the Mingle last... oh.
Natalie: Right. You've got twenty-four hours.
William: Okay. Uh... what do I do?
Natalie: You find out if she has something to wear.
William: I'm pretty sure she -
Natalie: Find out. Then get her something to match.
William: Could you ask her?
Natalie: She doesn't really know me. You could always ask (mumble) Emma.

Jake looks in the pub a little warily. No Rosalind. Just Emma at the usual chair, reading over notes on weapon enchantment. William hurries over, which of course makes her look nervous.

Emma: What's happening?
William: I need your help.
Emma: (leans back in her chair) Is it dangerous?
William: Uh... (stops) no, actually.
Emma: Oh. That's a first. (sits up) Okay, what's up?
William: I need you to talk to Charlotte.
Emma: What'd you do?
William: I assumed she has a dress.
Emma: I... feel like I'm coming in at the end of a talk here. That's one of those things that you assume.
William: That's what I said. For the Mingle.
Emma: Ah.
William: I haven't actually asked her.
Emma: Ah.
William: So, um, Natalie suggested I get her something to go with it.
Emma: So, you need to know what it looks like. Right. I'll get back to you...

Jake: So Luna's coming?
Andy: Uh... hopefully.
Jake: You invited anyone?
Matthew: (incredulous) Me?
Jake: Natalie'll be there.
Matthew: No doubt hanging out with that guy.
Jake: You haven't asked her then.
Matthew: I seriously doubt she'd want to go with me.
Jake: How do you know?
Matthew: I'm not stupid. Besides, she'll be going with Mister I Have A Large -
Jake: - car?
Matthew: - Adam's Apple. And I'm...
Jake: She knows that.
Matthew: Does she? Our conversations before coming here amounted to about eleven minutes.
Jake: So? Go to university, start a new life.
Matthew: ...
Jake: I say you just turn up. And... do something about that jumper.
Matthew: What's wrong with my jum- (off Jake's look) Well, it's not like I have a tux.
Jake: Okay, you can borrow something from my wardrobe.
William: Watch out for skeletons.
Jake: That's closets.
Matthew: Wardrobes are lions and witches.

Matthew still doesn't look convinced.

Jake: Okay, she might be going with someone, but you can still go, have fun. And we need to do something about that hair.
Matthew: Er...
James: Sure you can, get suited and booted...
Jake: We don't need your fashion advice.

James stomps off in another direction. He espies one of the 'rugby gels' and approaches her.

James: Hey there.
Fionula: ... yes?
James: Goin' to this Mingle thing?
Fionula: Left it a little late, haven't you?
James: How about you and me, babe?
Fionula: (deadpan) You make it sound so appealing... (shrugs) see you at eight.

Next morning, Emma comes in and sits by William.

William: Well?
Emma: She's going with long and white. It's very pretty, she'll look great.
William: Thanks. I'll pass that on to my advisor.

He turns to Natalie, leaning in on his other side.

William: So, something that goes with -
Natalie: Diamonds!
William: - that I can afford?

Matthew and Jake, meanwhile, are in Jake's room. Matthew looks uncertainly at his reflection, and Jake stops him patting down his roughed-up hair.

Matthew: But it looks a mess!
Jake: That's the point. You can walk in like...
Matthew: Like I stuck my head in a tumble dryer?
Jake: Like you look interesting.
Matthew: But I'm not interesting!
Jake: ... Do you have contact lenses?
Matthew: No. I don't like sticking my finger in my eye.
Jake: You can try it just this once.
Matthew: Um... can you tie a bow tie?
Jake: You are not wearing a bow tie.
Matthew: But...
Jake: Don't take the tie off if you can't tie it.
Matthew: Of course I can tie a normal tie...
Jake: And halfway through you can take it off.
Matthew: In case I don't look casual enough... Oh, should I have a cummerbund?
Jake: ... Sure, why not.
Matthew: Do you have one that isn't red?
Jake: You want to stand out, right?
Matthew: Uh... no...? (off his look)... yes...

Natalie: A necklace. Silver?
Andy: Grrr...
Emma: White gold?
William: I thought gold was... you know, gold. Sort of yellowy?
Natalie: And earrings too.
Emma: And some flowers.
William: I'm gonna be shopping all day. What if the world ends?

The girls shrug.

William: Couldn't I just get her a watch?
Emma: Shut up!

Some bullying later, William arrives that evening to pick Charlotte up. She does indeed look great.

William: Ah, I... that is... hi.
Charlotte: (beams) Hello.
William: I thought since... it's our anniversary. Of, ah, going out...

He opens a jewellery box and lifts out a delicate white gold chain necklace. She smiles and turns around so he can put it on for her. Then he takes her arm, and breathes a sigh of relief.

As they head for the ballroom, we find Jake psyching Matthew up outside.

Jake: Now remember, just because she came with someone else, you can still at least get a dance with her.
Matthew: Right.
Jake: You do know how to... no, I'm not even gonna ask.

He pauses, and retrieves a rolled-up comic from Matthew's jacket pocket.

Jake: You can get this back tomorrow.
Matthew: But -
Jake: (points at him) No hiding and reading. That's an order.
Matthew: (lowers his head) ... fine. (grumbles)

William opens the door for Charlotte. Andy wanders in, shirt untucked, with Luna in a wine red velvet column and curled hair all over the place. James waits for Fionula. Emma (in royal blue, and wishing it had sleeves judging by the way she's kept a jacket on) hangs out with her friend Ginnie.

Jake and Matthew lurk. Jake's found himself a black suit, white shirt and no tie.

Then Nicholas holds the door and Natalie makes a big entrance in dark green satin and emeralds.

Jake: You're on.
Matthew: I...
Jake: Let whatisname have the first dance, maybe the second, then make a move.
Matthew: I... I haven't finished my punch.
Jake: Then drink up. Try for the third dance. Unless it's too fast. Or too slow.
Matthew: I don't understand.
Jake: I'm going for a smoke. When I come back, you'd better have moved.
Matthew: ...
Jake: And stand up straight. Straight. I don't want you getting creases in my jacket.
Matthew: Right.
Jake: Look, just relax.
Matthew: But you said to stand up straight.
Jake: I meant more generally. Have a drink.
Matthew: Nooo. Bad things happen with alcohol. I'm panicking enough already.

Natalie goes over to William and Charlotte.

Natalie: Don't you look great.
William: You're not wrong. (mouths) Thank you.

Jake: Go ask her. G'wan. Don't make me push you.

Natalie: Is that...?
William: It doesn't look like him at all.

Matthew gathers his courage and approaches.

Matthew: Um... hello. You all look...
William: Your hair... looks... (Charlotte nudges him) oh, it's supposed to be like that! Cool. You look... cool.
Natalie: Yes. Er... wow!
Matthew: I had help. Er... punch?

Jake, having foregone smoking, intercepts him.

Jake: How'd it go?
Matthew: Fine so far.
Jake: Did you ask her to dance?
Matthew: ... Not yet. (looks down)
Jake: Are you gonna?
Matthew: He's so much bigger than me...
Jake: Never mind that. Do you want to?
Matthew: She's with him.
Jake: She won't just dance with the one guy. Not how this works. You gotta use that to your advantage.
Matthew: ...
Jake: You'll be fine. Trust me.
Matthew: ...
Jake: When you ask her to dance, you can get the comic back.

He slumps his shoulders, then straightens them again, and heads over.

Matthew: Natalie...
Natalie: Yes...?
Matthew: I was wondering if... how many... you and...
Natalie: What?
James: He's asking you to dance.

They both look at him. She blinks, looks back at Matthew, who winces.

Natalie: Oh. Yes, sure.
Matthew: ...
Natalie: Do you actually want to dance?

Matthew manages to nod.

Jake relaxes as he watches them step onto the floor for a ballad. Then someone approaches him. A dark-haired girl in an elegant black evening gown.

Victoria: Care to dance?

He stares at her and she smiles sweetly. He manages a studiously neutral expression which is almost convincing, apart from the narrowing of the eyes.

Jake: It would be my pleasure.

She proffers a hand, and he takes it.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake leads Victoria out onto the dancefloor. His tone stays neutral, chatty.

Jake: I didn't know you were a student here.
Victoria: It's really not that hard to get invited.
Jake: I didn't think this would be your scene. I mean, you're a little old for Britpop.
Victoria: Well... I want to live like common people.

She grins, teeth glittering between blood red lips.

Natalie: I didn't know you looked like this. With the eyes not in glasses and all.
Matthew: It... took some time. And a little help from Jake...
Natalie: (looks over at Jake) Who is that he's dancing with? I don't recognise her...

Jake and Victoria pass, still close, his back stiff.

Jake: So. Why are you here?
Victoria: Oh, you know me, darling. Any excuse to get dressed up. (smirks)
Jake: And play with us?
Victoria: Well, you do make it so much fun.
Jake: We try. (narrows eyes) Oh... thanks for the Charybdis thing.
Victoria: Mm. Always glad to help. Any luck?
Jake: A little. Of course, any information you have...
Victoria: Would be... gratefully received?

She smirks, leans in closer to whisper in his ear.

Victoria: I suppose I could keep my ear to the ground...
Emma: Mind if I cut in?

She stands in their path, hands on hips, smiling hatefully. Victoria glares at her, almost bares her teeth, then smiles casually and steps away, her hand trailing slowly across Jake's shoulderblades.

Victoria: But of course, dear. (to Jake) Be seeing you. Soon...

She steps away and vanishes into the crowd. Jake and Emma share a look, then she awkwardly puts out a hand and he takes it.

Emma: Um... so...
Jake: Yeah. That's what I thought. She's like a bad penny. Like I told her.
Emma: Course.

She looks at her feet. Making sure she's in rhythm, maybe. Or avoiding his gaze.

Natalie and Matthew head over to find the others. Andy and Luna are already outside looking at the stars, but they find William getting canapés.

Nicholas watches them go, frowns slightly, then shrugs with his eyebrows, turns back to another girl and gestures to the dancefloor, leading her onto it as she nods.

William: Er... what's happening?
Natalie: Did you see the girl Jake's dancing with?
William: ... He's dancing with Emma.
Charlotte: He is? (smiles)
Matthew: (looks) That's... not who we meant.

The song ends. Jake and Emma separate rather quickly and look around.

Jake: She's long gone.
Emma: We should tell the others.

Jake: Victoria was here.
William: Oh... How about a drink?
Emma: Good idea.

The Undertones' Teenage Kicks cranks up, as we pull back from the group still looking around suspiciously.

CREDITS!

Special guest star Fairuza Balk

Dedicated to John Peel

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time, on The Watch House:

Natalie glaring at her sister, and her sister's new husband.

William's father glancing at Charlotte, then speaking quietly to William.

Edward: You have to tell her something...

Jake staying in his room, watching the snow fall outside.

And a vampire woman in a ragged leather coat unsheathing a serrated sword decorated with blood-red runes.

The next episode of The Watch House is To Be With You.

--
DVD commentary:

Craig: Victoria's interest in Jake is... more than a little unhealthy. For Jake, I mean.
Derek: She's trouble. Definitely trouble.
Craig: Gee, you think?

[Varyar]

Good stuff, of course. Poor geeky Matthew. Party episodes = fun.

[sasori]

Yay! We're back online! :D

[Craig Oxbrow]

Yay! We're back online! :D
I blame the cricket. That's the usual reason for genre series disappearing from the Beeb over the summer. Even though the cricket's on Channel 4 these days.

[colbabe]

Natalie: A necklace. Silver?
Andy: Grrr...
:confused: Waitaminute. I thought Andy was a Choralisk. Or am I tragically uninformed? Or is this just a generic lycanthrope joke?

[Craig Oxbrow]

:confused: Waitaminute. I thought Andy was a Choralisk. Or am I tragically uninformed? Or is this just a generic lycanthrope joke?
He's gone into standard werewolf territory rather than specific breed-ish-ness. More with the archetypal, I guess.

[colbabe]

Ah, fair enough. I sorta enjoyed the prospect of John having a cousin under the same curse, but I guess we can't have three half-Choralisks (including John's elder brother) running all over the countryside.

Hey, Luna didn't look happy. Wonder if there's something we can do to cheer her up...

[Craig Oxbrow]

Ah, fair enough. I sorta enjoyed the prospect of John having a cousin under the same curse, but I guess we can't have three half-Choralisks (including John's elder brother) running all over the countryside.
You never know, with the weird speciation of demonic and primal lineages - not to mention country folk. :D

Hey, Luna didn't look happy. Wonder if there's something we can do to cheer her up...
Don't know what you mean, guv...

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.13: To Be With You

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control
Matthew: shy bookish Watcher fresher lovelorn over Natalie
Natalie: horsy socialite Watcher fresher taking Matthew for granted
James: rugby prop turned vigilante vampire hunter

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend
Luna: tech support for an allied coven of witches, who Andy may be dating - neither is really sure
Liz: Andy's teen sister, apparently not a lycanthrope much to her parents' relief
Holly: medium, not yet used to seeing spirits

The Groves: William's proud parents, Watchers both
The Derby-Moores: Natalie's family, minor gentry and Watchers
Timothy Fairweather: Matthew's single father

Sullivan: shady demonic informant and obtainer of rare antiquities
Victoria: elusive vampire ex-Watcher with an unhealthy interest in Jake

--
Previously on The Watch House:

Natalie ranting at her father down the phone.

Jake admitting he doesn't really have anywhere to go home to.

Victoria smiling and flirting with an unsmiling Jake.

--
The office is lit by the glow of the desk lamps, giving it a warm, golden light.

Escher looks lost in thought as he taps his pen against the blank sheet of paper in front of him on the desk, then finally takes the cap off and writes.

Escher: Merry... Christmas. Might as well go with the classics. So, what are you all doing?
Natalie: Home. Daddy wants a big family dinner. Apparently my sister has insisted on bringing her... husband. (grimaces)
William: I might make it to dinner too, if I'm not dealing with the Y2K problem...
Emma: Just you?
William: N-uh, well, maybe.
Andy: Home. See what my sister's done now.
Matthew: Oh, I'm off back to the library for a traditional Christmas there. Mrs. McPhail will make turkey with all the trimmings, and then three days of turkey sandwiches... and the same old stories from uncle Harold. "This one vampire, I only had a pencil..."
Escher: Ah yes. That one.
Jake: Lemme guess, there are more vampires for every glass of port he has?
Matthew: No, but the one does get six inches taller.
Natalie: And the pencil he had gets shorter.
Escher: Jake?
Jake: Um... not a lot. You?
Escher: I'll be here, actually. Carrying on my researches... Not a lot?
William: You don't know?
Jake: No.
William: No relatives to hang around with?
Jake: My family's kinda... loose-knit.

He looks down for a moment.

Escher: One last patrol before off, eh?
Matthew: Oh good.
Emma: I still have some packing to do. But, uh, call if something gets apocalyptic.
Jake: Right then. But we're not wearing Santa hats!
William: Aw... er, I mean, but we have to blend in with the -
Jake: No.
William: Aww...

And so, as the group heads out.

Jake: How do you expect to hear anything with those earmuffs?
Natalie: They're perfectly practical.
William: I dunno... (puts on a Santa hat)
Natalie: So, what's Charlotte doing?
William: Er... we're going to Trafalgar Square for New Year...
Natalie: What do your parents think?
William: (uncertainly) They... like Trafalgar Square?
Natalie: About Charlotte?
William: (even more uncertainly) They... like her?

Matthew carries on ahead, fiddling with the line of tinsel wrapped around his crossbow, then Jake pauses, looking around at the open parkland they're crossing.

Jake: Something's... wrong... Does anyone remember passing Magdalene?
Natalie: I didn't notice...
James: Now you mention it...
Jake: So how did we get to the Green?
Matthew: Three rights, two lefts...
Jake: But -
Natalie: Does it matter? We're here.
James: Yes, it matters. Matt's directions don't match up. That's really not good.
Matthew: Don't call me Matt.
Natalie: Well then, let's go back and check (cough)crazy(cough)

So back they go. There's Magdalene College, where it should be. James looks around and heads off a side road.

And then a robed figure materialises out of thin air right behind him, grabs him, and both disappear.

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

The group spreads out to look for him. Then he reappears, on his back and fighting a snarling robed thing, behind them. It sees them charging over, takes a step back, and vanishes.

Jake: What happened there?
James: What do you mean, what happened there? Where did you lot go?
Jake: We saw you disappear back there.

Then James disappears again - and reappears twenty feet away, swinging his axe at a robed figure.

Jake: Hey! Over here!

The monster looks at him, revealing a runnelled reddish-purple face, and vanishes again.

James: I think... something's messing with time.

Three robed figures manifest surrounding the group. Andy charges at them, swings his baseball bat, and they vanish. And so does Matthew. William runs over, stands where he was... prods the ground with his toe.

Then Matthew reappears, falling to the ground on the other side of the Green.

Natalie: I don't like this...
James: You don't like this?

They run over, and stop as the three reappear.

Rwasundi: Matuka Segannat! Charybdi Nevokat!
Matthew: Wait, I know this! It's Rwasundi!

Andy charges towards them and they vanish again.

Jake: What does it mean? Did they mention Charybdis there?
Matthew: "Charybdis comes... has come or will come..." their ideas of tense are a bit shaky since they exist outside time.
Jake: They what?
Matthew: Never mind. Anyway. Charybdis is coming or has come... the invoker calls, seeks or possibly sought her. The gate is open, will open, has opened to devour all life.
Jake: (flatly) Very helpful.

Then they reappear, and one of them strikes Andy across the face.

Matthew: Charybdi Butana! Turasat Akadan!
Rwasundi: ... Wura?
Jake: What did you say?
Matthew: I asked why they're attacking us.

The Rwasundi look at Matthew, confused. James takes this as his cue to swing his axe at them. They take that as their cue to disappear.

Matthew: STOP!
James: I think -
Matthew: They know about Charybdis. I was trying to talk to them.
Natalie: We kill monsters, Matthew, remember?
Matthew: And sometimes we question them.
James: So how do we find... let alone fight something that can manipulate time?
Matthew: Magic.
James: Of course. (frowns) Well, we know the standard practice for that. Talk to Mister Escher?
Natalie: Pub first?
James: You don't think it's urgent?
Natalie: No. They exist outside of time. I'd say it definitely isn't urgent.
James: Fair enough.
William: No, I kind of disagree. Just because they do doesn't mean we can. Sorry Natalie, your alcoholic tendencies will have to wait.

Natalie takes silent umbrage at William's comment as the group head back to the office.

Escher: So... Rwasundi.
Andy: Why's my scalp all tingly?
Matthew: A sign of localised distortion.
William: Or that you got smacked upside the head.

Matthew: They seemed intent on attacking James.
Andy: He started it...
Escher: What were they doing?
Matthew: I'd say they were hunting going by their normal M.O., but they said something about Charybdis coming and devouring the world.
Jake: Okay, if they're after us they're probably involved. How do we stop them?
Matthew: Magic.
Natalie: You said that.
Jake: How did I know you were gonna use the M-word?
Natalie: I'll call Emma.
Jake: That's why...

Andy: I could call Luna, see if she's busy...
Jake: Ahem.
Andy: What?

And so he does.

Luna: (sarcasm) No... of course none of the coven are busy around the Winter Solstice...

Andy looks at his phone and sighs.

Andy: Emma it is then.
Natalie: Already called her... she should be here by now...
Jake: Maybe she's changing.

Natalie goes to look. Then a few seconds later, Emma comes in. Alone.

Matthew: (groans) Oh, this is gonna be fun...
William: When did we call you?
Emma: Uh, about eight minutes ago?

She looks at her watch. Then at the clock on the wall. They're out by about six minutes.

Matthew: Rwasundi, temporally interphasic demons.
Emma: Oh. Well, I haven't had much experience with... time magic...
Matthew: Chronomancy?
Emma: If you say so.
Matthew: Need more aspirin.

Emma: I mean, it's basically impossible for a human sorcerer without directly invoking outside powers. Which is probably good really, considering what we could do if we could do it... I mean, the whole grandfather paradox alone...
Matthew: Definitely more aspirin.

Jake goes out for a smoke. And sees Natalie returning.

Jake: What happened to you?
Natalie: What do you mean, what... okay, how long was I gone?
Jake: About twenty minutes. I wonder if this happening all over, or just to us.
Natalie: Try phoning the speaking clock.
Jake: So you lost like...
Natalie: No, I gained... umm... I think...
Jake: How about I go to my place and call back. See how long it is.
Natalie: Not on your own...

The clock in Jake's flat agrees with Natalie's watch. 8.31. They call Escher.

Escher: Where are you?
Jake: Never mind that, what time is it there?
Escher: Eight forty-seven.
Jake: Oh-kaaay. We're gonna leave the flat now.

James: Mister Escher, keep them on the phone!

William calls Natalie's mobile.

William: No answer. Tell her to look at it...

Natalie looks at her phone.

Natalie: I missed a call from William... half an hour ago...

She calls Escher.

Natalie: It's engaged.
Jake: Well, yeah. (points at his phone)
Natalie: You never know...

Matthew goes and calls his father.

Matthew: Dad. Do you know what time it is?... What do you mean, no? Go and look!

William: I know who to ask.
Escher: I don't think going alone is a good idea.
William: I'll call ahead.

Stephen Hawking's secretary: I'm afraid Professor Hawking is out at a dinner, could I take a message?
William: Urmm... no, never mind. Thanks.

Jake Want a biscuit? Cup of tea?
Natalie: I can make it...
Jake: Don't shut the door...

Then William bursts in.

Jake: You could knock!
William: The door was open.
Jake: How long have we been away?
William: At least half an hour?
Jake: Eleven minutes.
William: Bugger.
Jake: Let's go back to the office. They've had plenty of time to work something out.
Natalie: Not necessarily. I mean, they have if William's right but...
William: Let's just go.

They arrive at the office, step inside, and find it deserted. And daylight shines in through the windows.

Jake, Natalie and William all turn and look outside. It's day out there now as well.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

And then Matthew comes running over.

Matthew: Where have you been? We've been calling all night!
Jake: We've only been gone fifteen minutes...
Natalie: You look awful.
Matthew: I haven't slept.
Jake: Well, neither have we. But then we haven't had to...
Matthew: You called to say to come to the office at quarter past nine.
Natalie: I did? I suppose I'd better do that...

She calls Matthew's phone. He holds it up to show it isn't getting her call...

William takes off his Santa hat and looks at it.

William: Oh well, at least Christmas is coming sooner. Hey... Maybe this is how Santa gets around the world in one night!
Jake: (deadpan) So we're being picked on by Santa's elves.
William: (shrugs) It wouldn't be the strangest thing that ever happened to us.
Jake: I'd say it'd be up there.

Matthew calls Emma. She arrives soon after, looking tired and carrying a stack of books.

Emma: Okay. We need to go back to the site of the start of the disturbance. Assuming that was the start. Er... we try the Green first.
Natalie: Damn. I've probably missed my train.
Jake: I think they'll understand.
Natalie: I sure don't.

The group heads over to the Green.

Emma: Right. This is everyone.
Andy: Okay, if this works, be ready to do... er... whatever.
Jake: Question.
Matthew: Go ahead.
Jake: Huh? No, I mean question them.
Matthew: Oh.

Jake shakes his head and looks to Emma.

Jake: So, can you do this now?
Emma: Sure, I've had hours to prepare. Which you haven't. Kind of. (shrugs) Okay, gather around the quicksilver magnet...
Jake: Why are you calling it quicksilver and not mercury?
Emma: In this situation it has to be quicksilver.

He almost replies, but lets that one go.

Emma: Now, those in today go left, those in last night go right.
William: Right, if you go this way, and we go this way...
Emma: That'll get it done.
William: Does it matter who gets to the end first?
Emma: No...
William: Jake, if we win, you wear the Santa hat.

Jake glares at William and the Santa hat is pulled down over his eyes.

Emma: Enough! Okay, everybody in a circle... I throw the merc- quicksilver, there's some chanting...

And suddenly the group is back last night.

Jake: I... guess that worked?

A Rwasundi charges into James and knocks him off his feet. Another two grab Matthew and drag him across the Green. The fight starts happening in linear fashion.

Matthew: Oh no... not again...

Jake takes the opportunity to kneecap one of the demons with a crossbow bolt. James flattens the one charging him, who looks rather confused by its lack of timewarp dodging.

Matthew: I'm sure being hostile won't help!

Natalie sweep kicks the third.

Andy looks confused.

Natalie: Andy! Help me hold him down!
Andy: Oh! Uh, sorry...

The Rwasundi are wrestled to the ground.

Jake: Ask them.
Matthew: (demonic gibberish)
Rwasundi: (demonic gibberish)
Matthew: Okay. He says she will come, is coming. Our world will-slash-does fall...
Jake: When?
Matthew: They really have no concept of 'when' as we understand it.
Jake: Who's calling her?
Matthew: (demonic gibberish)
Rwasundi: Mondr Rahz.
Matthew: The Pale King...
Natalie: Oh, that sounds encouraging...
Rwasundi: (demonic gibberish)
Matthew: They're here to hunt us, catch us, destroy us. Mondr Rahz wants us... absent.

With that, the Rwasundi chuckles, and disappears.

Emma: Well, that was just bloody rude.

The group return to the office. Escher looks up, surprised.

Escher: You're back early.
Jake: Sort of. Haven't had any temporal anomalies?
Escher: Not... lately...
Matthew: Well, looks like we're not going home for Christmas.
Natalie: But...! My parents wouldn't understand...
Jake: They will. They're Watchers.

The next morning... the actual next morning... sees Natalie doing her best to decorate the office. William studiously ignores her. Matthew looks up from his reading, then down again as she glances over. Escher catches her eye.

Escher: When I suggested that we extend our researches over the holidays, I didn't necessarily mean staying and colonising the office for the entire time.

Natalie nods once, then leans over to put a star on top of the miniature Christmas tree right in front of him on the middle of the desk.

Natalie: If we're going to be here for Christmas, it's going to be good.
Escher: What are your parents doing?
William: I suppose they'll be having dinner... soup to start, home-made of course... (drifts off)
Escher: I wouldn't want to deprive you of that.
Natalie: Does this mean we can go?
Matthew: Before or after you take down the decorations?

She sticks her tongue out at him.

Natalie: So, where to?
Matthew: Home. Turkey, then sandwiches, enough for through to New Year.
Jake: Your dad cooks?
Matthew: Mrs. McPhail, the secretary.
Natalie: You?

Jake says nothing.

William: I was hoping to get Charlotte to come over for a meal.
Escher: Have you asked your parents?
William: Ah. I suppose I'll have to do that.

Natalie: I'll stay till Christmas Eve.
Escher: What about the last-minute traffic?
Natalie: Oh, no problem!
Andy: What about you, Mister E?
Escher: Reading. Also, don't call me that.
Matthew: Yes. Well, two heads are better than one...
Andy: I suppose I should be going home. But y'know, what do I wanna be with my parents for?
Matthew: Family?
Andy: Yeah, well...
Emma: Food?
Andy: Good point.
Natalie: Presents?
Andy: Oh yeah! (grins) And all the bright coloured paper, y'know, chasing it around...

Everyone looks at him. He looks anywhere else.

Natalie calls her mother.

Natalie: Hello... Yes... no, not till Christmas Eve... yes, it is the end of the world... well, possibly just a city... yes, just a moment. (hands the phone to Escher) Mummy wants to speak to you. It's about my academic progress.

Escher arches an eyebrow.

Matthew gets to King's Cross station... and there's nobody there to meet him.

William looks over at Jake.

William: So you've really got nowhere to go?
Jake: (irritably) I could always spend Christmas with Victoria. Y'know, crackers and party games and lots of claret.
Natalie: What about Emma?
Jake: ... I did that last year.

Just then, the uncomfortable silence is interrupted by a knock on the door. It proves to be Holly, the seasonally-named medium.

Holly: Hi... looks like you're having a party?
Escher: Not in the strictest sense...
Jake: Mince pie? You don't have to pull a cracker...
Natalie: Although we do have them. (smiles cheerfully)
Holly: (looks puzzled) Uh... hi. I just wanted to say happy holidays, before I head home.
Jake: Oh, uh, you too.
Escher: Ah... hello...?
Jake: Holly. She's a medium.
Escher: ... oh.

Andy wanders in.

Andy: Like... Doris Stokes. Hello Doris.
Holly: You know, I hear Doris, I think Day.
Andy: There are mince pies? (grabs one)
Jake: There's no mince in them.
Andy: Oh. (shrugs, eats it anyway) So, mmm, why are they called that?
Jake: Mincemeat - meat for the poor.
Andy: Like rat? Rat can be good.
Holly: Maybe I should go call a cab... nice meeting... (looks away from Andy) you...

Natalie: So, does she know?
Jake: Well, she was in the parapsychology society.
Natalie: I see.
Escher: That could be a yes or a no, really.
Jake: Now, I don't wanna say weirdoes but...
William: I'm in that society.
Jake: I know. (smirks)
Matthew: So am I.

Natalie makes a "stop!" gesture as James meanders in.

James: Uh... film, three words?
Natalie: What?
James: Oh, I thought we were playing charades.
Jake: Well, it is a good party game.

He gets up and sees Holly out. Natalie tags along.

Natalie: So, you're part of the paranormal society?
Holly: Yes, they didn't even charge me a membership fee.
Jake: Why n-? Oh. Don't mind me...
Holly: Still, it's not like we ever find anything usually.
Jake: True. Ghost and monsters, not the kinda thing you bump into every weekend.
Holly: I supp-
Natalie: (nodding and looking sincere) No. Definitely not.

Holly: So, you're not heading home?
Jake: Well... my mother has a house in London. But there won't be anybody there.
Natalie: oh... (looks sympathetic)
Jake: So, I was thinking of having a party at New Year.
Natalie: oh! (looks enthused)
Jake: I'm inviting everyone!
Holly: Everyone?
Jake: I'm even gonna invite Emma.
Holly: ...Who's Emma?

Matthew reaches the library in London, dragging his case behind him.

Mrs. McPhail: Matthew! We weren't expecting you so soon.
Matthew: I left early. Natalie was being... creative. Anyway, I have things I have to look up.

Natalie: So, what did Mister Escher say?
Andy: Yeah, he invited us over. I hope he doesn't have silver cutlery...

James: I'm local, so I may as well stick around until the day itself.
Jake: You are?
James: My dad's a chemistry supervisor.
Jake: Huh.
James: So is it like this every Christmas?
Jake: ... No.

Holly: See you at New Year!
Jake: Merry Christmas.

As they wave her off, Emma comes in.

Emma: Who was that?
Jake: Holly. Parapsychology society. Sees ghosts.
Natalie: Cracker?
Emma: Yeah, she sounds it... What was that about New Year?
Jake: I'm having a party.
Emma: Oh. (furrows her brow)
Jake: And you're invited too... (smiles faintly)
Emma: Oh! (beams)

She comes in and looks around as she takes her scarf off.

Emma: Obviously you've all been very busy... researching...
James: Natalie happened.
Emma: Ahh.
Jake: Yeah, she thought the place needed Christmas... what was it? (smirks)
Natalie: (exasperated) Spirit!
Emma: Clearly. (half-smiles) So... patrolling? I hope you're gonna turn that off...

She points to William as he adjusts the set of lights around the brim of his Santa hat.

William: As I said before, we should blend in...
Emma: And that's still going too far.

Jake: So, when was the rugby night out?
James: I didn't go.
Jake: What? Don't you want to be on the team?
James: I dunno. They're all pricks... well, the ones that are still around are.

He falls silent and goes ahead... pausing as he hears a struggle up ahead. Two vampires are keeping back as a third faces a green and purple thing with two-inch claws.

Emma: Should we... save... uh... one of them?
Jake: I reckon it's a demon.
William: Yes, possibly a Ko'shin'dar. You have to sever the spine and -

The vampires pull out guns.

Natalie: No way! They're not supposed to do that!
Emma: Could we be a bit quieter around the gun-wielding monsters, please?
Jake: Trust a vamp to bring a gun to a fistfight.
William: Well, more of a claw fight.

The vampire fires into the Ko'shin'dar's chest. It spurts milky green fluid and gurgles angrily.

James: How about we get out of here, and let the police -
Natalie: - get slaughtered?
Jake: Go tell everyone you're calling the police.
Natalie: But -
Jake: That way, nobody else will! They'll believe you, you're a girl! Girls are sensible like that!
Natalie: Hey!... okay, good point...

She hurries off, grumbling. Jake glances back, then concentrates, and the vampires' guns jam. The lead vamps look confused, as does the demon. Then the injured demon shrugs and tears the lead vamp's head off, and stumbles away.

Emma: Uh... stop him!

Andy springs after the demon, changes as he leaps, and slams into it claws first. It bursts. Milky green fluid goes everywhere.

Natalie returns in time to see the vampire's supporters run for it, and to kill a dustbin beside one of them with a less-than-well-placed crossbow bolt. She has to pull the shot because James charges past, axe swinging.

James: Do we wanna question one of them?
Jake: Look out!

Natalie stands back, lowering her crossbow and tutting. Andy steamrollers toward one of the remaining vampires - and then gets punched across the jaw by the Ko'shin'dar. The second vampire keeps running. James tackles it. Andy stumbles back, taking another hit in the chest.

William: The spine!

Andy nods, grabs the demon's head and twists. This leaves one vampire, struggling with James.

Natalie: Take its head off!
James: It's my kill!

He grabs the axe and brings it down.

William: For the record - "my kill" not a good idea.

James shrugs.

Jake: What were those things? Vamps brought guns to fight 'em.
William: They're a tribe of warriors and mercenaries.
Andy: They hit really hard.
William: Well, yes. Being a tribe of warriors and mercenaries and all.

Jake gets a call.

Sullivan: Merry Christmas.
Jake: I didn't know demons celebrated it.
Sullivan: Didn't think you'd be full of festive cheer either.
Jake: What is it?
Sullivan: Something you might want. Usual place number one...

Jake heads into Sullivan's lockup, as gloomy as ever with a token string of red tinsel in the window. William enters behind him, briefly demonstrates his "big and quiet" stance to help intimidate Sullivan, and then goes to look at the bookshelves.

Jake: So, what have you got?
Sullivan: A lead from a source.
Jake: And where did you get it?
Sullivan: I'm sorry, my source wishes to remain anonymous.
Jake: We talked about this before.
Sullivan: Honour among thieves and all that... I'm like Switzerland. Strictly neutral, do business with everyone, don't get invaded.
Jake: Well, they're not your clients in this case.
Sullivan: I have my reputation to consider. You're not the only person I deal with that could kill me for breaking it.
Jake: You're not making this easy -
William: Hey, how much is this?

Jake blinks as his train of thought is interrupted. William holds up a faded hardback.

Sullivan: Good eye. Call it a hundred.
William: It says fifty...
Sullivan: Yes, well. Your friend's getting something valuable too.
William: I dunno, it's rather pricey...
Jake: Pay the man.

Sullivan: So, yes. I'm Switzerland. I sell books, magazines...
Jake: Magazines? Like... Popular Amulet?
Sullivan: For guns...
Jake: Oh. I knew that... Who for?
Sullivan: Left you this.

He hands Jake a gift-wrapped package, the size of a thin book.

Jake: Right... Okay, what would someone want to give me a gift for?
Sullivan: Don't ask me. Your irascible charm?
Jake: Right...
Sullivan: (smirking) Well, happy holidays.
William: (cheerfully) Merry Christmas!
Jake: (deadpan) Yeah. Have a good one.

Jake: So what'd you buy in there anyway?
William: Commentaries on the Pergamum Codex in the original Baturic.
Jake: (blank look)
William: Kind of hard to get from human sources.
Jake: (blank look)
William: (shrugs) I figured Mister Escher would like it.
Jake: ... oh.

They take the package back to the office, unopened.

Andy: Smells nice. Perfumey.
Jake: Yeah. William, X-ray it...
William: Righto. Oh, Mister Escher, Merry Christmas.

He beams as he hands over the gift. Escher looks at it and nods.

Escher: Baturic? Been a while.
Andy: A book in demon language? Who publishes that?
Escher: Ah. Vashtoul House. A small press, ran for eight years before its owner was...
Jake: Dusted?
Escher: Yes. Actually, he was. Hm... thank you, William.

The package proves to be a book as well. A diary, yellowed with age, written in Dutch.

Escher: My Dutch is rather rusty. Worse than my Baturic actually.

A card falls out, showing King's College Chapel in winter. Jake picks it up, reads the note inside, written in an elegant hand, and stares at it.

Jake: October Thirteenth. What does it say?
Escher: Let me see... "I have heard the voice of the whirlwind. She screams and howls in a language I do not understand as the world is torn down around her..."
William: Another Charybdis attack? What was the year?
Natalie: Do you think the writer was in on the summoning?
William: Can we even figure out who he was?

The Derby-Moores arrive.

Natalie: Ah. Mummy, daddy.
Mrs. Derby-Moore: My my, so many people.
Natalie: They're... prentices. All of them.
Andy: Yes! All of us! Me especially!
Mr. Derby-Moore: Well, ah, good. Less danger when you're out patrolling. You do patrol, right?
Escher: Yes, they do.
Mr. Derby-Moore: Excellent! Ahh, I do miss a good patrol...
Mrs. Derby-Moore: Yes, yes. Come along, Howard...
Mr. Derby-Moore: Right you are, dear. Bye all, merry Christmas!
Andy: See ya, Mister Denby-Morse.

Natalie duly ignores him on the way out.

Jake sits down as he watches them go, shaking his head.

Jake: Daddy would be proud, his little girl getting in the thick of it...

He goes back to glaring at the card. Emma comes over, looking at him worriedly, and reads it.

Jake:
Read the entry on October 13th.
Compliments of the season.
V

Emma: V? As in...
Jake: (his face darkens) Victoria.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next day, Christmas Eve. Andy gets up and answers a knock at the door. It's his sister Liz. Whose hair, previously long and ginger, is now jaw-length and black.

Andy: Wha...
Liz: Can I stay here?
Andy: What happened with... don't tell me, the hair.
Liz: You don't like it either? (tuts)
Andy: It's all Anne Rice wannabe. I mean, you've seen vampires.
Liz: I can do what I like.
Andy: No. NO.
Liz: Honestly. I cut my hair! I'm allowed!
Andy: ...This is gonna be a long holiday.

Grove House, Cambridgeshire

We find William outside in the snow, chopping wood for a log fire, when his father calls him in.

Mr. Grove: A call from that Jake fellow.
William: Thanks...
Mr. Grove: Something about a time and place. I noted it down.
William: We're just arranging to go down there for New Year.
Mr. Grove: I see. You and... the... young lady?
William: Charlotte? Uh, yeah... Everybody's going.
Mr. Grove: I see. She doesn't know... about the family history, does she?
William: Well, no.
Mr. Grove: And everything else?
William: She's seen a few things, but she hasn't said anything.
Mr. Grove: Good.
William: ... Very often.
Mr. Grove: Ah.
William: Do you... think I should tell her?
Mr. Grove: I think at this point you know whether or not you can trust her. You have to tell her something. Or...
William: (quietly) ... or let her go?
Mr. Grove: Yes. (frowns) Erm... anyway, come inside! (smiles weakly) Call your friend back... and, ah, Charlotte. Sorry, can't abide these sorts of silences.

Cut to Jake, in his room in college. He puts down the phone, stares at the phone for a while, then picks it up again, and dials.

Jake: Uh... Hello, can I speak to Ms DeVille?... Oh, I see. Did she leave a forwarding address or contact number?... Okay, well, thanks...

He hangs up, picks up his jacket and guitar case and leaves.

Derby-Moore Estate, Aylesbury

Silence.

Natalie in twin set and pearls, seated a dinner table with five others. Her parents Howard and Juliet, her younger sister Eleanor (Kate Garven), her older sister Alethea (Elisha Cuthbert) and... Alethea's new husband (Tim Wheeler). A rather scruffy-looking young man in a blue shirt and no tie.

Mrs. Derby-Moore: Ahh... pass the salt, would you, dear?

Natalie passes the salt. In silence.

Mrs. Derby-Moore: So, er, Alethea, how did you two... meet?
Alethea: (smiles cheerily) Funny story actually. He was being pursued by a Kaluchik. You know, with the two horns on each side of the head? (mimes)
Natalie: (glares) You... told him what it was?
Alethea: (shrugs, smiling) Well I had to, didn't I? Couldn't let him go home alone...

Watcher's Council Library, London

Matthew looks over references to the Pale King.

Matthew: Now, the cult of the Pale King, a vampire overlord, was last reported on the losing side of a vast battle in the 1470s...
Mrs. McPhail: Mince pie?
Matthew: Oh, don't mind if I do.

And back to Andy, as Liz leads him to Escher's office.

Andy: We have a visitor...
Escher: ... Ah. Good afternoon...
Andy: Yeah.
Liz: So, like, what's to do? Other than go home and have a crappy family Christmas?
Andy: Well, there's a lot to do in Cambridge. During term.
Liz: Gotta be something.
Andy: There are... (looks around) books to read! (off Escher's shaking head) - TV to watch!
Liz: Man, that's kinda dull.
Andy: So, why not go home? (grins desperately)
Liz: What you working on? End of the world show again?
Escher: Actually -
Andy: (quickly) No, nothing exciting!
Liz: Thought so. Just you guys?
Andy: The others went home.
Liz: So, they're obviously not worried. Phew, that's a relief. (exaggeratedly mops brow, smirking)
Andy: ... Yes. Er...
Liz: So, we could go out and -
Andy: No, the streets are dangerous. It gets dark early and... we're not patrolling...
Liz: You're not? I could totally help there!
Andy: NO!
Liz: Aw.
Andy: Dammit, the world's a safe place!... Let's go home.
Liz: But, I want...
Andy: Nobody's here anyway. I mean, Matthew, who you haven't met -
Liz: Is he cute?
Andy: Umm...
Liz: Well...?
Andy: Well... William's with his parents, Natalie who you don't know either is probably having fun hunting on her estate -

Cut to the Derby-Moore family dinner and silence.

Andy: - Ziggy chucked himself into another dimension, after Milli... y'know... (frowns) oh, and a big monster called Charybdis is gonna come devour the world. So. How's school?
Liz: ... Good?
Andy: Right. I need to get out of here.
Liz: Patrolling?
Andy: Yes. Absolutely. By all means come along. Wanna see some action?
Liz: ... Never say that to your sister.

Matthew: Ah... noted cultists of the Pale King include Lissette, who once killed a Khalil warlord with her cursed sword, and the sorcerer Montgomery... ahh, cocoa, thanks... and according to this... oh, bugger. It's tonight.

He runs to the phone.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Escher, Andy, James, William and Matthew meet Natalie off the train. Matthew offers her a crossbow, but she shakes her head and shows off her brand-new concealable one. Then she looks at James quizzically.

Natalie: What are you doing here?
James: Officially? I'm getting in some practice then going to a party.
Andy: Unofficially?
Jake: Depends what the problem is.
Natalie: Oh, looking for clues, twenty vampires massing together for some kind of apocalyptic ritual...
Andy: So is this the Charybdis thing?
Matthew: No, no, just a Shield-destroying spell for the Winter Solstice.
Andy: Oh, that's a relief.
Liz: What's a relief?
Andy: ... You going home and staying out of this would be.
Liz: It won't be safe for me to go alone...
Andy: ...

Andy glares at her before nodding, and they rejoin the scouting expedition. Then as they pass the Shield he looks up and sniffs the air.

Escher: You've got the scent?
Andy: Hard not to. There's dozens of 'em...

He leads the group to an apparently closed schoolhouse, and climbs up onto the roof, then beckons everyone to come up and look in through the skylight.

Matthew: Now then, be on the lookout for an elderly gent, and a young lady. With a cursed sword.
Natalie: Leather jacket, sorta two-handed sword with a hook on the end?
William: How'd you know that?
Natalie: (points) I think we've found them...
James: So what do we do?
William: Considering the numbers, I think we should pick off the sentries and separate them.
Natalie: Twenty vampires. We can't leave them alone in town.
Matthew: So, apart from taking out the sentries?
Natalie: Sneak in and kill the sorcerer. Andy and James and... who are you?
Liz: Liz. Andy's sister.
Natalie: Oh. Hello. Are you a -
Liz: No.
Natalie: Right. Good for you. Take this crossbow and cover the exit.
Liz: Right.
Andy: But -
Liz: She said to!
Natalie: Now, I called my parents... hmm...

She gets out her phone.

Natalie: Hello mum... are you nearly here? Exit three... follow the signs to the multi-storey carpark... Daddy, you can drive a bit faster. It's Christmas Day, there won't be a lot of police on the road... Well, yes, actually there will...

William: Well, the sentries are going back in. So much for that plan...

Natalie nods and fires a crossbow bolt at the tall bald vampire in robes, who we presume to be Montgomery. It stops a foot away from him, he turns and glances at it suspiciously. The female vampire we would guess is Lissette unsheathes her sword.

Andy: Can I borrow your phone? I'm going in.
William: Sure.

William hands it over, and Andy opens the skylight and dives in, landing on one vampire and throwing the phone at the nearest vampire's head.

Andy: It's for you!
William: Okay, next time he isn't getting to borrow it...

Matthew notices a Rwasundi appearing behind Montgomery, shouts "don't interfere!" at it, and it phases out again. Montgomery glares up at Matthew, who ducks back out of sight.

James bursts in from the now-unguarded side door. Liz, who was covering it, fires and nearly hits him.

Liz: (shouts down) Sorry! (quietly, to Natalie) Can I have another crossbow bolt?
Natalie: (smirks) Certainly.

Montgomery breaks and runs while Lissette charges at Andy as he wolfs out. Then as Montgomery heads for a door, a fine mist seeps inside from the doorway...

Matthew: He's trying to escape!
Natalie: I can see that!
Matthew: Back door!
Natalie: Got it, right!
Matthew: Look out for -
Natalie: Got it!

Matthew tuts, and gets out his phone. Natalie finds hers is ringing. Matthew mutters something in Latin...

Natalie fires. This time, her bolt hits Montgomery and he stumbles back into the mist. She swings the door open and - no vampire. Just fog.

Natalie: Oh, that cheating - !

James beheads one of the vampires.

William: Nice one.

Lissette holds her ground and slashes Andy across the chest as the rest of the vampires fall back, some into the mist and some getting around James as he charges forwards.

James: Where's the back line when you need it?

Just then, the Derby-Moores arrive. With the Groves. Mr. Grove announces their arrival by beheading the leader of the vampires' retreat with an axe.

Mr. Grove: This is becoming a family tradition. Not that I mind!
Mr. Derby-Moore: Hand me my sword, dear... I see your William's doing well.
Mrs. Grove: We're all very glad of him.

She adjusts her glasses and fires her crossbow at the retreating pack of vampires.

James: These... these are your families?
Natalie: Yes. Well, not all of them. (icily) I see Alethea didn't make it.
James: No, I mean... your families just run into danger like this?
Natalie: ... yes...?
James: You don't worry about losing them?

Natalie blinks, caught offguard by his question.

William: Did anyone see what happened to the woman with the sword? (to Natalie) Not you. (pause) Or you, mum.

Andy groans, clutching his chest.

Liz: Are you okay?
Andy: Just... peachy. Come on. We're taking you home.
William: She got away?
Andy: Same way as the bald guy. Through the door then into the cloudy thing.
Matthew: An illusory passage spell, after I countered his warding enchantment.
Natalie: Down the phone?
Matthew: Pity I didn't recognise the syllables for his illusion.
Natalie: I didn't know you could do that.
Matthew: I read a lot.
Natalie: ...oh.

CREDITS!
Mutant Enemy wearing a light-up Santa hat
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time on The Watch House:

James shivering.

Jake sitting with his head in his hands.

Matthew with a spellbook shouting at Montgomery in Latin.

Natalie duelling with Lissette.

And a whirlwind of hellish red light stretching up into the sky...

The next episode of The Watch House is End Of A Century.

--
DVD Commentary

Craig: This episode was always meant to be about family, and feeling distanced from them. But between Natalie, Andy and William it gained a second theme as it played out - how each of them feels about their role in life, as reflected by how they feel about people they care about being involved.

Natalie's very proud of who and what she is, and so she's incensed by her sister deciding to turn her back on her calling. Andy feels it's his duty, but he wouldn't wish his life on an enemy, let alone his little sister. And William's clearly torn between his sense of duty and wanting to be with Charlotte...

Actual Play bit

Two more short-short sessions posted together. The join is after we find out Jake's helpful present was from Victoria.

The Rwasundi were intentionally very confusing for all concerned. I went with the simple method of make the effect worse every time the group splits up.

The mix of family discomfort and ferocious violence is always funny, with the group arguing mid-combat, especially around the Christmas season.

(Matthew: They seemed intent on attacking James.)
This is just wishful thinking on Matthew's part...

[colbabe]

Andy: Can I borrow your phone? I'm going in.
William: Sure.

William hands it over, and Andy opens the skylight and dives in, landing on one vampire and throwing the phone at the nearest vampire's head.

Andy: It's for you!
William: Okay, next time he isn't getting to borrow it...
Ooooh yeah! That's old school (http://forum.rpg.net/showpost.php?p=1016277&postcount=2)! ;)

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.14: End Of A Century

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control
Matthew: shy bookish Prentice fresher lovelorn over Natalie
Natalie: horsy socialite Prentice fresher taking Matthew for granted
James: rugby prop turned vigilante vampire hunter

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend

Montgomery: vampire sorcerer
Lissette: vampire thug

--
Previously, on The Watch House:

Victoria handing Jake a note.

Jake: Charybdis?
William: Ancient Greek myth... a living whirlpool...

James looking uncomfortable as he refuses to discuss why he joined the hunt.

Natalie looking angry as Lissette and Montgomery escape past her.

Escher: "I have heard the voice of the whirlwind. She screams and howls in a language I do not understand as the world is torn down around her..."

Escher's voice over a shot of a blackened circle on the ground, Jake putting a hand on it, and seeing the tornado of fire stretching up as far as they eye can see...

--
James stumbles into Escher's office, face blank. He sits down, then curls up, hugging his legs.

Escher: Ah... James?
Jake: ... Wanna talk about it?
James: Too many... can't let it happen...
Jake: Can't let what happen?
James: We're all gonna die.

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Matthew and Natalie enter, and pause, looking at James in the foetal position.

Matthew: What's...
Natalie: James?
Jake: C'mon, chill out, We're not a bunch of amateurs.
James: ... gonna die...
Jake: Maybe he needs some time off.
Natalie: No-one's going to die. Except that bitch with the sword. And the wizard.

James looks at her, and starts crying.

Natalie: Oops.

Jake pulls them away.

Jake: (quietly) I think we have to take him away from here.
Matthew: But he came here...
Jake: I don't think he's in good shape. Has this happened before?
Natalie: Well, my great-uncle Alfred had something of a breakdown...

Matthew gives her a funny look, but doesn't say anything.

Jake: Do the Watchers have a support network for- no I know they don't.
Matthew: It could be anything set him off...
Jake: Whatever it was, it makes him a loose cannon.
Matthew: So he should... confront the problem?
Natalie: I think we need a professional here. We could do more harm than good.

They look over at James. He looks up, wiping his eyes.

Natalie: I guess one of us should keep watch.
Jake: Take turns. Everyone else stays here, keep reading.
Natalie: We could take books with us -
Jake: No. We need to keep him away from... all of this. Let him rest. Okay, I'll take first watch...

Natalie and Matthew look at each other. Jake glowers at them, retrieves a pair of matches and breaks one in half.

Matthew: Fine, I'll take second.
Natalie: Good. I'll stay here and work on Lissette.
Jake: We don't go one-on-one. You're not a slayer. She's stronger than you, probably faster as well. She's better than any one of us...

Natalie scowls and goes next door to kick the punchbag.

Jake: ... I guess Emma can take the third watch.
Matthew: What about Andy?
Jake: Leaving him with the werewolf, probably not the best idea.

William, at his workbench, reading through the Odyssey while checking the wave forms of a tracking device, looks up as Natalie storms past. He considers saying something, then decides against it.

Matthew nods and calls Emma.

Matthew: Uh, hi... um... it's Matthew.
Emma: Oh, hey.
Matthew: Can you come into the office?
Emma: Sure... what's up?
Matthew: Usual, end of the world thing.

Emma grabs her scarf on the way to her door.

Matthew sits down beside James, who is now mostly just shivering, as Jake goes next door.

Jake: So. What's your problem? What was it that pissed you off about this girl? Is it that she's a vamp - or that she's a vamp?

Natalie ignores him and kicks the bag.

Jake: Because it's not your fault they got away. I think you all dealt with it pretty well.
Natalie: That was Matthew. He cast the spells and all. I just got shoved out of the way.
Jake: Look, you're not -
Natalie: Yeah, I know. I'm not that good. But Jake, I'm not Milli.

She turns and heads for the door.

Jake: (shouting angrily) Get back here!
Natalie: Excuse me?
Jake: Hitting the bag isn't gonna help you. Try a live target.

She takes him up on this and runs at him, fist aimed for his stomach. He ducks aside and pushes her past him.

Jake: Not bad. But you're leaving yourself open.

She spins around, landing a kick on his shoulder.

Natalie: You can't wrap us up in cotton wool because something bad happened - they're not going to stop, Jake!

He stumbles sideways.

Jake: See, my problem is you're gonna get in there, and you're gonna lose your head.

Jake sweeps her other leg out from under her, and she sprawls onto the floor.

Jake: You're gonna go in there by yourself to prove something. And if that happens, you'll die.

Jake turns to leave, and looks back with a glare.

Jake: And you're right - you're not Milli.

He turns to the door, leaving her lying there, glaring at him as her eyes tear up. He pauses in the corridor as he finds Escher standing there, staring at him. Jake shakes his head wearily.

Jake: She said the magic words.

Escher doesn't blink.

Jake: She won't bruise or anything.

Silence.

Jake: (angrily) She's not as good as she thinks she is.
Escher: This is hardly the best time for her to become gunshy.
Jake: She has to know her limits.
Escher And she has to be willing to push them. We all do.

Escher walks past Jake and goes in to help Natalie up. Jake shakes his head and keeps going.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

We return to Jake's flat. Emma stands in the doorway and looks over at James, then turns back to Andy as he sets down a bag.

Emma: He hasn't said anything.
Andy: ... right.
Emma: I should, um... I should get back to researching this thing.
Andy: Okay. I'll... be here, then.

James: Gonna die...
Andy: We're not dead yet.
James: Too many of them...
Andy: Hey, c'mon, I'll... get in the way...

James pushes Andy away.

James: It's not you I'm worried about!

Andy's eyes momentarily go dark.

James: I know you'll be fine.

Andy blinks, and the wolf fades.

Andy: Me. Human form. Armwrestle. Now. Like this.
James: Yeah. Like that.

He shakes his head.

James: Natalie's gonna get killed.
Andy: Nah. They're using their heads. That's how we fight.
James: Have you ever seen your friends sucked dry?
Andy: Dude...? Who was...?
James: All of them...
Andy: We help people. And if you break up about people you couldn't help, you can't help us now. We have a chance here!
James: But there's too many...
Andy: Not when you have friends.

Natalie flicks through a book, not looking at it.

Matthew: Natalie. I... take it from the noise, you're not okay... what happened?

Natalie keeps flicking.

Matthew: I've read about this. People getting pent-up before great events. But I don't understand... you're not supposed to do this. You're Natalie.
Natalie: What difference does that make?
Matthew: I mean...
Natalie: He beat me.
Matthew: So? That's the point of sparring matches.
Natalie: It was more... a clash of ideas. And I lost. Hands down.

Matthew nods slightly. Natalie looks away, eyes narrowed, then turns back.

Natalie: You know that bloody stupid school we went to?
Matthew: I -
Natalie: Telling us we were the best. We get out there, and it's different.
Matthew: Did you not read the journals...?
Natalie: They tell us we can do it, and we can't!
Matthew: You can. I've seen you - cut things' heads off!
Natalie: I can never be as good as they want.
Matthew: No-one can. The best in the world can still lose once in a while. You just have to know when to fight and when to fold and come back when you're better prepared.
Natalie: You saw how easily they got past me.
Matthew: They used magic. They cheated. It was an uneven field.
Natalie: And it always will be!
Matthew: No -
Natalie: I'm just a stupid girl.

Matthew gawps at her in disbelief, shakes his head, and opens his mouth to reply, when Andy and Jake lead James in.

James: There are too many. We need to... work harder. I'm... scared it's gonna happen again.
Escher: We all are.
James: I can't let it.
Escher: We do what we can. (looks at Natalie) All any of us can.

James heads over to the freshers.

Matthew: Now may not be the best time.

James promptly heads over to Jake.

James: Uh... Jake, up for a sparring match?
Matthew: (mutters) As long as it's somewhere else.
Jake: Feeling better?
James: Kind of... what's eating Natalie?
Jake: She.... sprained her wrist training.

Escher glares at him.

Natalie sits on the bench outside the office. Matthew sits down beside her.

Matthew: It's such a nice day...
Natalie: mm.
Matthew: Wonder what everyone else is doing.
Natalie: (flatly) Probably preparing for death.
Matthew: Don't be silly, we might not die. I mean... the odds are always stacked against the good guys, but they find a way. I mean, if Spider-Man had given up when Dr Octopus, Electro, Kraven, Mysterio, Sandman, Vulture formed the original Sinister Six, it wouldn't have made a very interesting story, now would it?
Natalie: This isn't a comic book, Matthew, the good guys don't always win.
Matthew: I know.
Natalie: You've heard them talk about Milli. All she could do. And they lost her. By all accounts she was the best. What's the point? What do I bring?
Matthew: But -
Natalie: No, Matthew. I don't bring anything. They've got enough fighters.
Matthew: Don't be so hard on yourself, you can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with them. You could beat them all -
Natalie: (disbelieving) I could beat the lycanthrope?
Matthew: Sure. If you had silver, no problem at all. That's how we fight. We study, we prepare, we use their weaknesses as our strengths.
Natalie: And then we fight. And what if we're not good enough?
Matthew: Then we die fighting. Better than rolling over and dying without putting up a fight. Don’t you remember what else were we taught? Don't give up, fight to the end.
Natalie: My sister gave up.

Matthew nods slightly.

Matthew: Well... yes... but you and your sister are completely different people. (sighs) So Jake beat you in a sparring match, big deal. We're the new kids remember, we're supposed to make these sorts of mistakes, and it's better to take a beating in the training room than at the hands of some evil vampire lord that wants to destroy the world. The main thing is that we take the mistakes we make, we learn from them and go out and stop the evil vampires, rather than giving up and waiting for our untimely death. Just because your sister has given up the fight doesn't mean you have to give up too.
Natalie: And dammit, I'm not gonna be like her!

And with that, up she gets.

Matthew: Her? Which her? Have you been listening?

Natalie turns and looks at Matthew.

Natalie: Thank you.
Matthew: ... you're... welcome... I think.

Cut back to the office.

Jake: What about you guys? Find anything?

Escher hands Jake the journal.

And he finds himself standing in front of a burning vortex, towering overhead. And somewhere in the centre, over the roar, he hears a woman's voice.

Jake: Two voices talking some language I don't know. A man, chanting... And a woman. She's screaming.

He repeats the words she screams over and over.

Escher: It's Hellenic, ancient Greek. Both voices. He's using a binding spell. "Hold and do not move..."
Jake: And what about the girl?
Escher: "Stop. Please..." Over and over. "Please, let me go..."
Jake: What? It was...
Escher: The sacrifice?
Jake: It was coming from inside. That might be...
Escher: Not the sacrifice. It was her. Dear God. It was Charybdis.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Matthew and Natalie come inside. Escher shows Matthew his transcript of the incantation.

Natalie: Jake. Can I talk to you a sec?
Jake: Sure...

Natalie: I shouldn't have brought up the past. I'm sorry.
Jake: Hey, I'm the one that dropped you.
Natalie: Yeah. Well, I'm not sure how beating the crap out of me helps but...
Jake: You just need to focus your feelings.

Emma arrives. Escher and Matthew show her the transcript.

Emma: This is a pretty basic holding spell.
Escher: For keeping someone in place?
Emma: Or something, until it can be bound properly.
Matthew: So... if we break the spell, she'll go?
Emma: Or get loose.
Jake: Look at what she said. She doesn't want to destroy the world. Could we let her go? Free her of this completely?
Natalie: A Greek god cast the spell to make her like this.
Jake: Okay. Plan B...

Andy: How about if we summon her?
Jake: And what are we gonna use for the sacrifice of nine?
Andy: ... Er... yeah. (looks at his feet)

James: Okay. We've got a plan?
Jake: Starting to.
James: Want me to look something up?
Jake: Uh... Well...
Emma: You can help organise the victory party!
Natalie: Tchh...
Jake: (quickly) Yeah, I forgot about that New Year thing.
Natalie: Oh. (deadpan) Shame.
Jake: Bit late now... (shrugs)

Jake: So. Keeping an eye out for any disturbances in the Force?
Emma: Yeah. Exactly. Any helpful nightmares?
Jake: A few...

Natalie: This thing, do we have any idea of where?
Emma: I tried a locator spell, got a busy signal...
Jake: William didn't manage to track them -
William: AH!

Everyone looks at the door as William runs inside, brandishing a handheld device that goes beep.

William: Her sword. Big weird silver-edged thing.
Andy: I knew it!
William: Has traces of zinc in there as well.
Natalie: So...
William: So I can track it!

Jake smiles thinly.

Jake: Shall we go and talk to them?

And the group gather their weapons and go in a Call To Arms shot.

Natalie adjusts a choker marked with crosses as she opens the door of her shiny black Range Rover.

James: Shotgun?
Natalie: I promised... (looks around) Emma she could.
Emma: hm?

William's doohickey beeps.

William: Um... that way.

James keeps sharpening his axe all the way.

Jake: Okay, we do this quiet-like. And stop with the whetstone. If it's sharp, leave it alone. You'll just make the blade thinner.

And we move ahead of the Range Rover, to a field overlooking the city. Montgomery raises his hands to the night sky.

Montgomery: The Nine are drawn. The Nine are taken!

The group get out at the edge of the woods surrounding the field.

Nine torches planted in the ground forming a circle. Two vampires guarding each one.

And by each torch, a column of fiery darkness rises from the ground.

Natalie: Oh... bollocks.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Andy: I say we fire a volley... of course I can't actually fire a crossbow or anything.

Jake considers this, fires, and nails the first vampire square in the back.

Montgomery roars in outrage. Lissette draws her sword and charges, and half of the other vampires follow.

The Watch start firing. Andy, off to the side, drops to all fours and careers forwards.

Emma: Now -
Matthew: Not yet...

The columns of darkness begin to form into shapes as the Watch drop their crossbows and meet the vampires' charge. James buries his axe in one's face, Natalie beheads another, William fries a third with his taser.

Natalie runs forwards... as the air starts to spin in a circle around the Nine. The flames rising from their bodies begin to blur together...

Emma: Fall back!

Jake jams a stake into one of the vampires lunging at Natalie - and she finds herself face to face with Lissette. The vampire warrior grins as she casually parries a slash from Natalie's sword, and pushes her backwards.

Lissette: To think... I used to be as weak as you.

Natalie scrambles away, reaching for her sword. Lissette upends her sword to drive it down into Natalie...

Then James crashes into her, knocking her off her stride.

She kicks him away, spinning her grip as her hair whips around in the rising wind.

Behind her, Natalie watches the column of flame and darkness rise...

And in the centre, a woman's voice starts to scream.

Lissette looks back at it, smirks and then raises her sword.

Natalie parries.

James rolls... and keeps rolling, grabbing the grass as the vortex starts to drag him in...

He manages to stop himself, not far from Montgomery, who stands with eyes closed and arms raised, chanting.

James considers this scene for a moment, then cuts Montgomery's arm off.

As his right arm flies into the vortex and bursts into flames, Montgomery looks rather displeased. With his remaining hand, he grabs James by the throat and lifts him off the ground, to throw him in after it.

Jake charges at Lissette, and she elbows him in the face, then turns back to Natalie. She looks up at Lissette, and slides a stake out of her sleeve.

Jake: Come on, take your best shot!
Lissette: Glad to.

James knees Montgomery in the jaw and he stumbles back.

Matthew: Now.

He takes Emma's hand, they raise their other hands, and a mystical barrier forms under Montgomery. As he loses his footing he is dragged into the whirlwind, screaming all the way in until he explodes.

Lissette swings her sword over Jake's head as he ducks. She stops and stares up into the whirlwind, teeth bared in shock.

Natalie: Ahem!

Lissette turns just in time for Natalie to drive the stake into her chest.

Natalie: If that was your best shot...

Lissette collapses into a shower of dust, which is caught by the whirlwind.

Natalie: Well, never mind.

Cue satisfied smirk.

Andy looks up from throwing the last vampire into the vortex.

Jake: Now what?
Matthew: Now... we let her go.

He approaches the blazing whirlwind and it parts, revealing the figure in the centre. A small young woman with Mediterranean skin, with black hair, tattered robes and rusted chains attached to heavy manacles whirling about her in the wind.

Charybdis: Let me go back.
Matthew: Can... can we free you?
Charybdis: No. All you can do is... send me back. To where I wait until I am called again.
Jake: Is there anything else we can do?
Charybdis: No. Let me go. That is all.

The group share a look, and Matthew nods.

Matthew: Go now, depart, and be at peace.
Charybdis: Thank you.

The vortex dissipates, the nine torches clatter to the ground, and as the group look away, Charybdis is gone.

Andy helps James up.

Andy: There, see? We're all okay.
James: She isn't.
Andy: Uh, well...
James: And, we could... I can't do this any more.

The others watch as he drives the axe into the ground and walks away.

Natalie: So... can I expect the rest of my time at university to be like this?
Escher: Well... yes.
Matthew: Oh dear...

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time, on The Watch House:

Pulp's Disco 2000 plays over the background...

William looking at Charlotte as she raises an eyebrow.

Emma: So I see you still haven't told her.
William: ...
Emma: What are you gonna do?
William: Good question...

William: You know how strange things happen in Cambridge...
Charlotte: Strange.

And their discussion carries over the Watch fighting a group of demons, a shot of Escher reading a newspaper with the headline "Silverback Gorilla's silver back disappears", and Matthew... glowing.

The next episode of The Watch House is Light Of My Life.

--

DVD commentary

(Natalie: Well, my great-uncle Alfred had something of a breakdown...)
Craig: I considered adding a joke here, but it didn't seem like an appropriate moment for it.
(Matthew: That was after the giant winged snake, wasn't it?
Natalie: Not the time, Matthew...)

(James walks away.)
Craig: And like that, he's gone. He was only here for a few episodes, but he embodies one of the themes of the series - how people cope... or don't... with what life throws at them.

--

Actual play bit

James's player decided to pull out, and his method of pulling out was playing a mad scene and walking away.

[Varyar]

Jake: See, my problem is you're gonna get in there, and you're gonna lose your head.

Jake sweeps her other leg out from under her, and she sprawls onto the floor.

Booo! :mad:

Lissette turns just in time for Natalie to drive the stake into her chest.

Natalie: If that was your best shot...

Lissette collapses into a shower of dust, which is caught by the whirlwind.

Natalie: Well, never mind.

Yay! :D

DVD commentary

Actual play bit

James's player decided to pull out, and his method of pulling out was playing a mad scene and walking away.

He shall be missed.

[sasori]

Did I just hear Jake being booed for trying to talk sense into the headstrong young madam in an attempt to prevent her going the way of Milli? :eek:

[Varyar]

Did I just hear jake being booed for trying to talk sense into the headstrong young madam in an attempt to prevent her going the way of Milli? :O

Er... something like that...? :D

Hey, look! A big distracting thing!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Er... something like that...? :D

Hey, look! A big distracting thing!
Look at it this way - if Milli wasn't so reckless, Jake would be dead now...

[sasori]

He still never wants that to happen again though. In some cases, he wishes it could have been that way round.

[Craig Oxbrow]

He still never wants that to happen again though. In some cases, he wishes it could have been that way round.
:o

Something to look for in future, I suppose... :D

[Mirax]

Did I just hear Jake being booed for trying to talk sense into the headstrong young madam in an attempt to prevent her going the way of Milli? :eek:

Yes yes you did. And that makes me happy :) He was mean to her, and unjustly so. :( But the audience agrees with me so that makes me happy once again :)

[Craig Oxbrow]

Yes yes you did. And that makes me happy :) He was mean to her, and unjustly so. :( But the audience agrees with me so that makes me happy once again :)
Ladies and gentlemen, it took a year but we got Natalie's player to post. :D

[Varyar]

Ladies and gentlemen, it took a year but we got Natalie's player to post. :D

That was all me.




what do I win? :D

[sasori]

Natalie's head... on a stick! :D

[Craig Oxbrow]

That was all me.




what do I win? :D
A year's subscription to TWH magazine - and a cream cake provided by William's mother!

Natalie's head... on a stick! :D
... Take the cream cake.

[Varyar]

A year's subscription to TWH magazine - and a cream cake provided by William's mother!

hmmm...

Natalie's head... on a stick! :D

:p

... Take the cream cake.

Mmm, cake...

[Uberxael]

No heads on sticks. Natalie and Matthew are fast becoming my favourite characters in this thread.

[Mirax]

No heads on sticks. Natalie and Matthew are fast becoming my favourite characters in this thread.

First off, woo! I like you :) and Varyar too

Secondly, if anyones head's going on a stick then by audience demand it's Jakes.... Smiles oh so smugly

[bargtheogre]

No heads on sticks. Natalie and Matthew are fast becoming my favourite characters in this thread.Nice to know our work is not going unnoticed.

[Varyar]

First off, woo! I like you :) and Varyar too

w00t! :D

Nice to know our work is not going unnoticed.

You're in TWH, too? man what

So can I come and play with you guys some time? :)

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.15: Light Of My Life

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control
Matthew: shy bookish Prentice fresher lovelorn over Natalie
Natalie: horsy socialite Prentice fresher taking Matthew for granted

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend

Rosalind: queen of the college social scene
Genevieve: Rosalind's aide-de-camp
Lavinia: Natalie's apparent rival for the leadership of the Classics Society

--
Previously, on The Watch House:

Matthew going home for the holidays and seeing his father, with no suggestion of the presence of a mother.

Charlotte finding a severed arm in a bin bag.

William babbling as he attempts to hide the truth from Charlotte.

Charlotte being kidnapped.

Matthew hiding.

--
Pulp's Disco 2000 plays over a montage of students returning to Cambridge after the winter break. The end of 1999 came and went and the world didn't end.

We happen to see Matthew looking over at Natalie as the lyrics hit "when I came round to call you didn't notice me at all..."

William: Ahhh, another cold, dull day in Cambridge. It's good to be back.
Natalie: So how was New Year's?
William: Cold.
Andy: Fah! We had a power cut. And we live on a farm. We had to drive five miles to get bottles of gas. And then the bloody jeep breaks down. And Liz, naturally, said "we have you, you can get there on foot faster than any of us". So I had to walk out in my -

Andy notices that Charlotte has arrived.

Andy: - coat. My... nice, warm... coat. And I walked past another farmhouse and they shot at me!
Charlotte: Um... are you okay?
Andy: What? Oh. Oh, yeah, I'm fine. They missed. And we did get the gas in the end.

Charlotte looks nonplussed. William shrugs and picks up her suitcase.

Natalie: So... another good holiday at the library?
Matthew: ... Yes, actually. Dad found some great books on Greek... history.
Natalie: Oh yes, the Classics election's coming up. You all have to join.
Matthew: I think I'm busy -
Natalie: (sounding hurt) But then who will I have as treasurer?
Matthew: I don't -
William: Carrying on your underhanded attempt to get elected president then?
Natalie: (sniffily) It's not underhanded at all.
Emma: You're still going to try that?
Natalie: Well, I have let it slip a little because of, ah, work commitments...
Andy: When is it?
Natalie: Thu-
Andy: - I'm busy.
Matthew: But...
Natalie: Don't you want to be more known to university society?
Matthew: Er, not really, no.
Natalie: ...

William: Soooo, Charlotte, about that trip next week.
Charlotte: Which - oh yes.
Natalie: This is for the good of the university in general. I mean, in the past, the Classics Society has been... rowdy.
William: True.
Natalie: And I aim to make sure it isn't.
Emma: Uh... good for you. So, er, how was your holiday?
Natalie: Oh, my sister met her (venomous tones) husband while he was being chased by a, ah, mugger. She stopped him.
William: Stopped him getting away?
Natalie: No, stopped the mugger.
William: Oh. (considers) Yeah, that makes more sense.

William goes to get the last of his bags. Emma holds the door for him.

Emma: So I see you still haven't told her.
William: ...
Emma: What are you gonna do?
William: Good question... It's not like I can just suddenly be good at this... Well, unless I use magic.
Emma: Don't even joke about it.

CREDITS!
Story by Steve Darlington

[Craig Oxbrow]

We return to find William sitting in the office, with Emma on one side and Natalie on the other. Matthew stands off at the side, flicking through a book. Andy leans back in his seat.

Matthew: Just tell her quietly.
Natalie: You don't tell a civilian! I don't care if she is your girlfriend!
William: We have to tell people at times - it's not like we're superheroes, with secret identities and -
Andy: Speak for yourself!
Natalie: We have a sacred duty.
William: I have to tell her something. I'm not a good liar...
Emma: We've noticed.
William: So she must think... something...
Andy: Like what? "It's okay, I'm not cheating - I'm in a secret organisation of demon hunters!"
Natalie: It's too dangerous to tell her.
Andy: It's too fun not to!
Emma: Erm...
Natalie: (to herself) Well I suppose Charlotte's quite... sensible...

Andy looks up.

Andy: Hey, I know! You need proof, right? I can chase her!
William: Uh, n-
Andy: No, it'd be great!

He pictures himself in lycanthrope form leaping out at Charlotte. Who, in his idea, is dressed as Little Red Riding Hood.

Idea Andy: RARR!
Idea Charlotte: Aaagh!

Idea Andy changes back to human form and waves cheerfully.

Idea Andy: It's okay, it's me! Hello!
Idea Charlotte: AAAGH!

She runs away, still screaming.

Cut to the real Andy considering this.

Andy: (quietly) okay, maybe not.

Escher, having stayed in the side office listening, stops William as he goes.

Escher: Look... if you have to do this, if you need any help...
William: I just want to stop having to lie.
Escher: Alright. (nods) You know how to reach me.
William: Yeah. Thanks...

Matthew watches William go, frowning. Then he blinks, massages his eyes, shakes his head.

Matthew: Uh... Long journey. I should probably go lie down.

Natalie glances up briefly as he goes.

William finds Charlotte in her room, still unpacking. She steps out to greet him, smiling. Her smile slips as she sees his expression.

Charlotte: William?
William: You know how strange things happen in Cambridge...
Charlotte: Strange...?
William: Like the time with the severed arm...
Charlotte: (grimaces) I rather hoped that would count...
William: Er... let's go inside and talk.
Charlotte: Okay, now I'm worried...

He opens the door for her and sits her down.

William: There are... secrets in the world. And some of them are dangerous. And someone has to do something about these problems. We're sort of an... undercover... organisation. Some would say "secret"...
Charlotte: Uh-huh...?
William: Uh, look. You know my friends... are in this... group. This is why they're kind of... strange.
Charlotte: There's that word again...

Charlotte gives him a look. He takes a book out of his bag, and opens it at a drawing of a vampire.

Charlotte: Okay, yuk...
William: And this is just an example. Look, Jake's kind of in the group. And James was until he kind of went crazy.
Charlotte: So he's crazy. And you're... Are you at all... kidding?
William: I'm afraid not.
Charlotte: Damn. Um... right. (sniffle) Okay.
William: Does this make any sense?
Charlotte: ... No.

William: (quietly) Right. I, um... I'll let you look through this. Uh...
Charlotte: I... guess I'll see you in class.

William blinks, nods slowly, then gets up and heads outside. Charlotte stares at him, eyes watering but not looking away, all the way out.

He stops as he closes the door, and bangs his head against the wall.

It's mid-January, so it's already dark outside. William trudges past Matthew's door. The camera goes in through the window to find him sitting, reading, apparently fine. Then he gets up and goes to the cupboard... and we notice the back of his hand glows slightly in the dark.

Matthew: Oh, that's... interesting.

He pulls it in and out of the light. Yup. Glowing in the dark. Phosphorescent.

He goes over to the mirror, looks at his reflection, and reaches over to switch off the light. A pattern of glowing yellow patches covers his skin.

Matthew: Oh, this is not good.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

The next morning finds Escher looking at the clock on the office wall, frowning.

Escher: Has anyone seen Matthew?
Natalie: Not since he left yesterday...

Natalie looks up from the computer, accessing the Classics Society website.

Andy: Enemies list for the election?
Natalie: Well, rivals. I wouldn't say - well, maybe her...
Andy: I could help you get rid of them!

She looks him up and down.

Natalie: Yes... I could say Lavinia slept with you...

William comes in, looking like he's been clopped on the head with a board.

Emma: What happened?
William: I tried to tell Charlotte about... us. I think it's fair to say it went badly.
Emma: Oh, no...
William: I left her a book. One of the basic texts...
Natalie: Which one? The Teach Yourself Demons series is good...
Escher: Not the time, Natalie.
Natalie: (quietly) I was being serious.

Andy jumps up and puts an arm around William, guiding him towards the chairs around the desk.

Andy: Well, there's one way to help her! But you won't like it -
William: Not the jumping out at her thing -
Andy: Er... no. Take her out on patrol.

William glares at him.

William: No.

He sits down.

William: I won't make her life more dangerous.
Escher: She'd have the group around her. This is assuming she'd come.
William: She... she kind of freaked out... (rubs his forehead) She said she'd be at lectures.
Natalie: Maybe that's where Matthew is...
Andy: You might want to phone him.

Natalie nods, and calls Matthew.

Andy: He can be hard to spot when he wants to.

And cut to Matthew, staring at the phone, still glowing.

Natalie: No answer. Okay, I'll go look.
Andy: I can look in.
Natalie: Okay then. Once we've sorted out Charlotte, then we'll save Matthew.

Andy arrives at Matthew's door.

Andy: You in there?
Matthew: Uh... yes. Feeling a bit...
Andy: Off colour?
Matthew: (laughs uncomfortably) Something like that...

He looks back down at a book, open at an illustration of a Gehult demon. A monstrous creature, inhuman features protected by a horned exoskeleton. He grimaces.

Cut to William, Natalie and Emma at Charlotte's door. She looks around it without opening it more than a few inches.

Natalie: (oh so brightly) Hi!
Charlotte: ...
Natalie: I'm guessing William didn't answer all your questions. Like "are we crazy?"
Charlotte: Not in so many words.
Emma: Can we come in?

Charlotte doesn't budge.

Natalie: Good survival strategy, actually. (nods, lowers her voice) But it's day, so of course we're not vampires.

She puts a foot in the door. Charlotte sighs, shoulders sagging, and opens the door.

Emma: I'll... make us some tea.

Charlotte flops in her chair. Natalie sits on the table beside her.

Natalie: So. Questions?

Charlotte looks at her, blinks, and tenses up, hunching over and hugging her arms.

Charlotte: Oh God... oh God, oh God...
Natalie: I know this is all rather new to you... I mean, I was four the first time demons attacked my house. My sister got us all out of bed and -

She frowns as she remembers it. Charlotte interrupts her before she can carry on.

Charlotte: (sharply) And is Santa Claus real as well?
Natalie: Uh, well... okay, I know, it's scary.
Charlotte: Yes. But believing you would be scarier.

William leans back against the wall and knocks the back of his head against it.

Natalie: So you think we're crazy?
Charlotte: Duh!
William: We could take you along to meet -
Charlotte: (quickly) - other crazy people thank you no.
Natalie: Look, you've already seen things - the arm!
Charlotte: That's sick! How do you think this stuff up?
William: Or the time you were talking to Jake, then you passed out? He was... okay, he was kind of possessed at the time -
Charlotte: What?
Natalie: (quietly) What about Milli's death?

There's the loud 'clink' of a teaspoon being dropped in the kitchen area. Emma mutters something to herself and picks it up, glancing at the others, discomfited.

Charlotte: Look, I don't know how that happened, or why it got covered up like it did...

Silence.

Natalie: Weird stuff happens here all the time. Look in the paper!
Charlotte: What? (looks) 'Silverback Gorilla loses his silver back'?
Natalie: Okay, I actually meant there...
Charlotte: 'Local man recovering after "vampire-style" mugging...'
William: (to himself) Actually, that thing about the gorilla's kind of weird...
Natalie: How many of these have you seen?
Charlotte: Four or five.
Natalie: Just this year?
Charlotte: yeah...
Natalie: We help keep those numbers down. Look, we have a... I hesitate to say this... headquarters...
Charlotte: Mister Escher's office?
William: Er... yes.
Charlotte: Well, that's kinda obvious.

The Watchers look at each other uncomfortably.

Charlotte retrieves the book. It's open at a later page now.

Charlotte: So. How long have you been in this... society?
William: Well...
Natalie: You've met William's parents, right?
Charlotte: ... Okay, that doesn't surprise me.

William looks at his shoes.

Charlotte: (sharply) And does it normally take a year to tell someone?

Emma and Natalie glance at each other and swiftly move back into the kitchen.

William: Ah - well - that is...
Charlotte: (shouting) What? Do you have to fill in a form?
William: Actually -
Charlotte: Do they have to countersign? I suppose then they might have to know what was going on!

William winces.

And we cut back to Matthew, talking on the phone as he tries on a baseball cap, and then discards it as it brings out the tiger stripes on his face.

Matthew: Hello, Dad?
Mr. Fairweather: Matthew? Where are you?
Matthew: Uh... purely for research... what kinds of demons have a yellowish phosphorescence on their skin? Roughly over their muscle areas?
Mr. Fairweather: That sounds like the maturity markings of a male Gehult. The pattern of light appears at puberty, it's visible between their exoskeletal plates, and it brightens during territorial or sexual display.
Matthew: I... see. That's... interesting.

He grimaces.

Matthew: Er, what other traits do they have?
Mr. Fairweather: Well, they have the armour, of course, they're carnivorous, and apparently human-Gehult hybrids can change between human and demon form... Are you still there?

Matthew's eyes widen. Then he looks up as he hears a knock at the door.

Matthew: Uh... there in a second! I've... not got any clothes on!

Outside, we find Natalie, by herself, cringing.

Natalie: Nyaaaah...

He opens the door just a bit. She barges in. He backs up, into the sunlight, as she turns to look at him accusingly.

Natalie: What's going on?
Matthew: (edgily) I... slept in...
Natalie: (arches eyebrow) Matthew, you have two alarm clocks. And you wake up to make sure they go off.
Matthew: Well...
Natalie: (softly) Are you okay?
Matthew: I, uh, had a bad breakfast.
Natalie: But you said... never mind. You look really pale. Maybe you should lie down...
Matthew: Uh, yes... maybe. Um... bye.

He looks down at his hands, then puts them in his pockets as he sidles towards the bedroom door. Natalie looks at him, puzzled, but shrugs it off and goes to call Escher.

Natalie: Matthew's odd. As in... way odd. By the standards of Matthew.
Escher: I see...?
Natalie: And I left William with Charlotte. She got angry. I thought it was best to let them talk. Emma made them some tea and then she went too, and -

And William and Charlotte enter. She leading the way, glowering.

Escher: Ah. Good... They just arrived. Keep me posted...

Natalie rings off, and glances at the bedroom door, as she hears scuffling inside.

Natalie: Okay in there?... Matthew?

And cut to Matthew clumsily climbing out of the window.

Escher looks at Charlotte, blinks, and stands up and walks over to greet her with his best welcoming smile.

Escher: Well... Good morning...
Charlotte: (simmering down slightly) ... Hi.
William: I was just showing Charlotte around.
Escher: So I hear.
Charlotte: It's... rather hard to take.
Escher: I can sympathise.
Charlotte: (flatly) Oh, I'm so glad -
Andy: Pig bit?

Andy wanders in, carrying a bag of pork scratchings.

William: ... This isn't really the time, Andy.
Andy: It's always time for pig bits.
Escher: Not around my books, it isn't.

Natalie calls back. She's standing in Matthew's bedroom. The window is open, and she's alone in the room.

Natalie: I know it's a bad time. But Matthew's gone.
Escher: Gone?

William: What's the situation, sir?
Charlotte: 'Situation'?
Escher: Matthew's run away from Natalie.
Charlotte: Okay... that isn't actually all that surprising, so why is she calling you lot?
Escher: Because he doesn't usually run away from his own house.
Andy: He's been acting kinda strange all day... And his scent's...
Charlotte: His sense?
Andy: Yeah, his sense - er... you know him, not much sense...

Andy bolts out of the door.

Charlotte looks at William as he moves to follow.

Charlotte: So, why?
William: I don't know. But I'm sure there's a bizarre explanation.
Charlotte: Then explain it.

Out on the Green, Matthew crosses the parkland quickly, pulling up the hood of his duffel coat... then realises it makes him light up like a Jawa's eyes and pulls it down again. He stops as he sees Andy on the other side of the lawn, hunched over, sniffing the air - and then looking right at him.

He runs.

Andy chases him as he hurries into one of the alleys that lead inside to corridors, up a back stair and along, back down, and then into the kitchen.

Andy sniffs the air, looks confused, mutters:

Andy: Bollocks!

- and goes into the kitchen.

Andy: Ooh! Sorry, I'm looking for -
Kitchen Voice: You again? Get out!

Andy backpedals out of the kitchen, now carrying a large paper bag. Natalie catches up with him.

Natalie: Did you find him? Had he gone?
Andy: Wha - ? Sorry, lost him. Sausage?

Natalie: I can't believe you lost him! For God's sake, it was only a kitchen!

Just then, Rosalind hurries by. She yelps and covers her face as her sidekick Genevieve hurries to catch up.

Genevieve: Maybe it's an allergic reaction?
Rosalind: To what?

She turns and gives Genevieve, and Natalie and Andy, a good look. She's red and blotchy with advanced acne.

Rosalind: All I had since last night was a cup of latte and a warm chicken salad. Nothing that should bring me out like a thirteen-year-old with, with... some kind of really bad Andy diet!

Andy blinks and eats another sausage. Natalie watches her go, suppressing a smirk.

And around the corner, Matthew catches his breath, the glowing pattern strengthening and fading as he inhales and exhales...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake gets out of a taxi, stretches his legs and removes a guitar case and backpack. He heads over to his door, and pauses as he finds Andy and Natalie waiting for him.

Cut to the office.

Jake: So, he's running, what are we doing?
Natalie: I called his father. He's not there.
Emma: He hasn't had time to get there yet. And isn't that what he'd say anyway?
Natalie: Maybe. But he did just ring him yesterday, asking about some kind of demon I'd never heard of.
William: What kind?
Natalie: A Gehuh... Gehoo... (looks at her own note) Gee Ee Aitch You El Tee. Mister Escher?
Escher: Gehult. Territorial, warlike, exoskeletal armour like banded mail.
Andy: Then let's find it before it finds him.
Escher: And they can pass on some of their characteristics to hybrids - mix with human society.
Jake: Really? That's... not good.
Escher: Why would he run?
William: Was it him? Could this thing take his shape?
Natalie: He looked normal. Kind of poorly...
Andy: My guess is he went out, had a few -
Natalie: Matthew?
Jake: Matthew going to parties is not the most unusual thing you're gonna see.
Natalie: True. You didn't see Ros earlier.
Jake: Why, what happened?
Natalie: She really had some acne.
William: Um...
Natalie: Which is strange, I mean that girl knows how to cleanse, tone and moisturise.
William: You've lost me.
Jake: ... So, we're going to find a Gehult Demon that's chasing Matthew and gave Ros acne...
William: Much as I dread the thought, maybe we should talk to her?

And from the door:

Charlotte: I can see why you didn't tell me.

We cut from Jake looking at her, aghast, then at a cringing William, to Matthew sitting on a bench by the river, watching the rain create ripples in the water.

Jake: So... you're here too...?
Charlotte: Sort of. I just thought I could help. Matthew seems like a good guy.
Escher: Well, yes.
Charlotte: So, where have you looked?
Natalie: Well, the last time we found him he was in a library.
Charlotte: We have more than one, you know. Even in this college alone.
Escher: They don't all have sections on the parapsychological and occult... there is the hidden section in Trinity...
Andy: Hidden section?
Escher: Yes. You actually have to pull out one of the shelves to get to it...
Jake: Anyway. Why's he hiding from us? What, has he been consorting with demons?
Andy: What, one of us? Do that? (grins shiftily)
Jake: It's too obvious... so it's perfect. I think we should try Brody's. I mean, if it was me, I'd piss off out of town, but... is he in any other societies? He's a big geek, does he play Dungeons And Dragons?
William: Hey, some of us play D And D... um...
Natalie: Guys, this is serious.
Jake: I am being serious. He only knows a couple pubs in town.
Natalie: If none of you are going to help, I'm wasting my time here!

With that, she storms off.

Andy: Okay, how about a locator spell?
Jake: ... Is Emma around?
Andy: I think she's unpacking. Got her number?
Jake: ...

Emma, arms folded, waits at Matthew's door as William, Andy and Jake arrive.

Emma: So, you've just lost Matthew.
Andy: He can be pretty tricky.
Emma: Went into the kitchen? (smirks)

Andy looks at the passing traffic to avoid her gaze as she waves a hand over the lock and the door opens.

Jake: He's got a floor. How do I get one of those?

Andy sniffs around the bedroom.

Andy: Hm. Kinda... nervous.

As Emma looks for suitable personal effects, rooting around in his desk, Jake beckons Will aside.

Jake: So. Charlotte. I know she hasn't seen anything big, but is it a good idea to have her tagging along? I mean, it might be healthier for her to disbelieve?
William: What, if she doesn't believe she won't be in danger of being grabbed by vampires? (stares) For example?
Jake: (looks down) Find a line. A safe line.
Emma: Got something! One well-worn pencil. (looks at it) Souvenir from Bodiam Castle.
Jake: Where's that?
Emma: Sussex.
William: So if your spell says "Sussex..."
Emma: You can have your money back.

Natalie waits on a bench outside. She stands as Jake comes out.

Jake: Emma found him.
Natalie: (irritably) Oh good. How's Emma doing? Still using you as an emotional crutch?
Jake: (glowering) She's a witch. She's useful.
Natalie: ... Jake... Where is he?
Jake: I'll go first. Keep back.

Natalie glares at his back as he heads off towards the Backs.

Jake: Not a very comfortable place for sitting and moping.
Matthew: It's quiet, and I thought a library would be too obvious.
Jake: Right... Wanna talk about it, or just sit in the rain?
Matthew: I'd rather not talk to certain people.
Jake: Who?
Matthew: Who do you think?
Jake: ... Okay.

He turns and signals "keep back" to Natalie, who stops approaching a good thirty feet away.

Jake: C'mon, let's get inside, get something to eat.

The others return to the office as Jake takes him to a nearby café.

Jake: So, what... you got drunk and - ?
Matthew: No, not quite. Not at all. If only, in fact. It's... a bit more complicated than that, more than a bit…
Jake: So...
Matthew: I went back to my room last night to do some research in quiet and, ah...

He holds the saucer of his cup of tea over his hand, casting a shadow.

Jake: Uh-huh...
Matthew: I thought maybe it was the old 'luminous paint on the doorknob' trick again.
Jake: Again, I feel I missed out because I went to a state school...
Matthew: But it wasn't, it's all over me. In patterns. Coming and going.
Jake: Oh?
Matthew: I checked some books, and with my Dad, and it matches the maturity signals of a Gehult Demon.
Jake: Oh. So... what do you know about them?
Matthew: well, I know the light's more intense during, uh... specific emotions.
Jake: Anything else?
Matthew: I was reading when the others arrived. But I know they can take human form and mate with humans. And... well, I don't know my mother.
Jake: Oh.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Matthew: It was... something of a scandal at the time. An unwed mother. She... left me with my father. I mean, I've met her, once or twice, but I wasn't very old... I've seen a few pictures but... my father comes from a long line of Watchers. My mother was... supposedly... just a paid secretary. But she could have been anyone. Or anything.

Jake digests this. He looks down at his cup, held an inch off the table the entire time Matthew spoke, and sets it back down.

Jake: Look. All you know right now is that you have some weird markings.
Matthew: Natalie can't know.
Jake: She'll find out.
Matthew: And you know what her family do to demons, they kill them for sport.
Jake: She hasn't killed Andy yet.
Matthew: He hasn't given her a reason.
Jake: ...

They both look at their cups. Matthew downs his tea in one gulp.

Jake: You had no idea? It's just genetic.
Matthew: Mum and Dad weren't exactly expecting me.
Jake: I'm sure you're not the first Watcher with... something like this. And it might not be your mother. Could be generations back.
Matthew: I don't think it matters.
Jake: Right... Look, I won't tell. I can keep secrets... but I gotta tell them something.
Matthew: Ah... I hadn't thought that far ahead.

Jake: Er... hmm... bad things bookworms do. Think.
Matthew: Um... Late fees?
Jake: Who's at the library?
Matthew: The staff?
Jake: Female staff?
Matthew: I... dunno.
Jake: Dude, you're hopeless. Names? Come on, you've got like a photographic memory...
Matthew: ... Samantha?
Jake: Right. What does Natalie know?
Matthew: I managed to persuade her that I was ill. Then I ran away.
Jake: What's wrong with - well, I know... Look. What's your story?
Matthew: I went to the library... for a book...
Jake: Specifics. Which book? We just have to give them something to latch onto.
Matthew: And be careful about the lighting.
Jake: Yeah... do you glow when you get nervous?
Matthew: I don't know...
Jake: Look. These people are trained to find out. Natalie will find out. Prepare yourself for it.
Matthew: (quietly) yeah...
Jake: First thing, tell Escher. I mean, he puts up with Andy...
Matthew: I suppose.
Jake: And you got glowy, so what? You can hide it. I assume being cool is not a priority. And anyway, it's not on all the time. Like now.
Matthew: Huh?

He looks at his reflection in a nearby picture. Sure enough, the glow has faded out... Then he overhears a fresher girl passing by, talking on her mobile phone.

Girl: I swear, it's like she deflated overnight. Now will you agree she was padding that bra, or what?

We cut from his somewhat puzzled expression to them returning to the office.

Matthew lurks in the corridor, keeping to the light. Escher looks at him curiously - then Natalie and William get in the way as they jump out of their seats. Matthew stays behind Jake as he raises his hands for calm...

Jake: Okay. He's had a bit of a hard time, go easy...
William: Are you still sick?
Natalie: Didn't seem sick when he climbed out of the window and ran away.
Jake: You have that effect on him.
William: Well, yes, our one common factor is you...

Off her look, he turns back to Matthew.

William: So, were you running away from Natalie?
Natalie: William! Matthew, tell him you weren't!
Matthew: Because... I didn't want to go to the Classics Society!
Natalie: oh. (looks hurt, then looks up) Okay. I was calling you a doctor...
Matthew: I didn't hear that -
Natalie: Well, no, you were climbing out the window!
Jake: Cut! Time out -
Matthew: Nothing's wrong with me!
William: Bollocks!
Jake: See, this is giving him a hard time...

Andy watches this whole exchange, saying nothing.

William: Fine. I'll leave you to it... I have to go and try to talk to Charlotte.

Matthew backs up, well out of the way, as William goes. Jake gets in Natalie's way.

Jake: Give him space. Trust me.
Natalie: Something I do so well.

With that, she goes around him and walks out.

Jake: Hey, Andy, let's get something to eat.
Andy: Whu-? Oh, right.

Matthew waits until all is clear, and goes in, closing the door.

Matthew: Mister Escher. I have a few questions... about some possible... family problems.
Escher: Go on.
Matthew: It's about my mother. Dad never talks much about her. About how I... why he raised me. There was a meeting, and an agreement that I stay with him. But, uh... he never mentioned anything about her maybe being a Gehult hybrid.
Escher: ... Right. Well... I'd want to run some tests...

Matthew nods warily.

Escher: Don't worry, we can just use some hair, and a swab from the inside of your mouth. Obviously bloodwork would be quicker...

Matthew sighs and holds out his hand.

Meanwhile, Jake and Andy cross the Green... and see a dog run by. A small dog. Barking like a very big dog.

They share a look.

Natalie, walking off her frustrations, sees Rosalind and Genevieve up ahead. Ros looks fine now.

Rosalind: Must have been some kind of temporary reaction...

William finds Charlotte outside Professor Kelly's class, reading the paper. She looks up at him without a hint of a smile.

Charlotte: Okay, bizarre explanation boy, what's this about?

She points to a headline: 'Silverback Gorilla's Silver Back Returns!'

William looks understandably puzzled.

Charlotte: Anyway, have Matthew and Natalie sorted out their differences? Whatever those are.
William: Not just yet, no...

Matthew leaves the office, looks up and sees Natalie along the corridor, and bolts through the exit. She makes to follow him - and Jake steps out in her way.

Jake: We... have something to talk about. Sit down.
Natalie: What is it?

Cut to Matthew looking across the courtyard at them, wincing as he sees Natalie's shocked expression.

Natalie: Why didn't you tell me this before?
Jake: Because you'd -
Natalie: Does Escher know?
Jake: Ye-
Natalie: And? What's he doing about it?
Jake: We're keeping it between -
Natalie: He's a demon! We can't just keep it between us!
Jake: He needs time to adjust, and you need to give him some space.
Natalie: Time and space? (angrily) He's a demon! We don't let demons live!

Jake: What about Sullivan?
Natalie: (pauses, frowns) ... We hunt demons. (shakes her head, brow furrowed)
Jake: How long have you known him?
Natalie: Eight years... (angry again) Eight years he's lied to me? Oh God...
Jake: He didn't know.
Natalie: He can't not know! He's a demon! A monster!
Jake: He's just Matthew.
Natalie: No! He isn't...

She shakes her head angrily, tearfully.

Natalie: He could have been working against us the whole time.
Jake: Come on, it's Matthew! He's not that devious.
Natalie: Yes he is! (hysterically) Devious - like the Devil! He's a -
Jake: Just by birth. Maybe.
Natalie: Okay, so maybe it's just genetic... family tradition... and it's my family tradition to hunt them down.
Jake: If it's anything bad the Watchers will deal with it. Right? Right?
Natalie: ...

Jake: Look, he's your -
Natalie: My what? I'm not friends with demons.
Jake: You're friends with Matthew.
Natalie: I - but - it's not just a skin complaint, you know! It won't just go away like Ros's spots!

Jake looks her in the eye.

Jake: So what're you gonna do?
Natalie: ... What do you mean?
Jake: You know where he lives, you have access to weapons and the training to use them...
Natalie: (shocked) Don't be ridiculous!

He looks relieved.

Natalie: How you can be so calm about this?
Jake: I share a flat with a werewolf.
Natalie: ...

She looks down.

Natalie: I can't be his friend.
Jake: Why?
Natalie: This changes who he is, and how I feel about - hi- everything...
Jake: He's the same guy.
Natalie: He's not the same. He's not even a person. How can I... What do I talk to him about?
Jake: Same as always. Shout at him, tell him what to do.

She glares at him. He shrugs.

Natalie: It's... not natural.
Jake: I'm sure it has an explanation... (mutters) I've been hanging out with William too long.

Natalie: It's wrong! He likes me and he's a demon!
Jake: Or you like him and -
Natalie: What? I can't have feelings for a demon. I can't! I mean... my family... my sister married a civilian and they nearly threw her out...
Jake: Nearly. But they didn't, did they?
Natalie: I... I... Don't tell him. Any of this.

And we return to Matthew, heading back to his room as it gets dark, reaching for his phone.

Matthew: Hi Dad... er... you know... my mum?
Mr. Fairweather: (quietly) Sort of. Why?
Matthew: I seem to have developed some... features...
Mr. Fairweather: What?
Matthew: Of a Gehult Demon.
Mr. Fairweather: (aghast) Oh God.
Matthew: Erm, I've started glowing...
Mr. Fairweather: ...
Matthew: They can take human form and...
Mr. Fairweather: (still aghast) Yes, yes I know they can...
Matthew: Mister Escher is going to run some tests.
Mr. Fairweather: I... right. Er...
Matthew: I'll speak to you later.
Mr. Fairweather: ... Right.

Matthew's father stares at the receiver and puts it down carefully.

Matthew frowns as he shuts his phone off. We see the slight glow emanating from his skin as he closes the door and goes to turn the light on.

And then a heavy-set, armoured figure crashes through the window and tackles him.

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time, on The Watch House:

Matthew scrambling away from the invader.

William at the zoo, looking rather puzzled as he looks at the gorilla enclosure.

Natalie looking worried as she puts her head through the hole in Matthew's window.

The next episode of The Watch House is Incandescent.

--
DVD Commentary

(Charlotte: 'Silverback Gorilla loses his silver back'?)
Craig: The gorilla is there as foreshadowing. And not just because gorillas are funny.

(Charlotte rants angrily about being lied to for a year)
Lucy: What we really need now is one of those memory-erasing things like in Men In Black.
David: I don't think Will Smith can help us now.
Craig: Damn you, Will Smith! Why do you desert us in our hour of need?

(Natalie looks at Matthew, puzzled, but shrugs it off and calls Escher.)
Craig: And cut to William at Escher's office -
David: Please don't...

(Matthew climbing out of the window)
Stuart: Yes, yes, laugh at the phosphorescent boy...
Craig: Well, yeah!

Craig: The original idea for this story came from a suggestion by Steve D which didn't relate to anyone in particular, but I applied it to Matthew because Stuart suggested he might be part-demon. My original, even crueller idea was that his mother was a succubus, so in demon form he'd be an incubus and he'd be much better looking...

[Varyar]

Yay! more recaps!

He pictures himself in lycanthrope form leaping out at Charlotte. Who, in his idea, is dressed as Little Red Riding Hood.

Idea Andy: RARR!
Idea Charlotte: Aaagh!

Idea Andy changes back to human form and waves cheerfully.

Idea Andy: It's okay, it's me! Hello!
Idea Charlotte: AAAGH!

She runs away, still screaming.

Cut to the real Andy considering this.

Comedy gold.

Jake: We... have something to talk about. Sit down.
Natalie: What is it?

(and so on)

Ouch. Poor kids :(

(I love the silverback gorillas, too. :D)

[Craig Oxbrow]

Minor missed edit:

It's mid-January, so it's already dark outside. William trudges past Matthew's door. The camera goes in through the window to find him sitting, reading, apparently fine. Then he gets up and goes to the cupboard... and we notice the back of his hand glows slightly in the dark.

Matthew: Stupid pranks…

He grabs a hankie and wipes his hand and the glow remains. He pulls it in and out of the light. Still glowing...

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.16: Incandescent

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control
Matthew: shy bookish Prentice fresher lovelorn over Natalie, currently glowing in the dark
Natalie: socialite Prentice fresher starting to take Matthew less for granted

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend, now William's informed civilian ungirlfriend

Rosalind: queen of the college social scene
Genevieve: Rosalind's aide-de-camp

Previously, on The Watch House:

Matthew discovering that he glows in the dark.

Matthew learning that the pattern of light suggests the maturity markings of a Gehult, a species of warrior demon capable of taking human form - and admitting "My mother was... supposedly... just a paid secretary. But she could have been anyone. Or anything".

Matthew fleeing from Natalie and Andy.

William's father telling him "you must tell her something" while looking at Charlotte.

William handing Charlotte a book.

Charlotte looking at everyone warily.

Natalie angrily telling Jake "he's a demon! We don't let demons live!"

An armoured figure smashing through Matthew's bedroom window and tackling him.

--
We open with Matthew scrambling away from the invader, lit by the light entering through the ruined window - and the glow emanating from his skin. It reflects off the intruder, revealing a monstrous demonic thing with exoskeletal armour. It looks like the pictures of a Gehult Demon, apart from the lack of glowing skin between the armour plates.

Matthew: You're... A... Gehult?
Gehult: You took my light!
Matthew: What do you mean, I took your li... Oh! I... well... I didn't mean to!
Gehult: I do not care! You took it, you will return it!
Matthew: What purpose would I have to steal your light? Other than to read in the dark...
Gehult: Snarrrrr!
Matthew: Look, you can have it back! But how do you plan to do that?
Gehult: I was thinking of... eating you.

And we cut from Matthew's less-than-delighted reaction to the...

CREDITS!
Story by Steve Darlington

[Craig Oxbrow]

And back to Jake, hands in pockets, strolling down the corridor past Matthew's... stopping as he hears shouting, and running as he sees the broken window. He looks in, blinks, and concentrates. The shards of glass from the window fly into the air and strike the demon on the back. It snarls irritably.

Matthew: It's got demon armour!
Jake: That - uh - run!
Matthew: Okay!

Matthew uses the distraction to race for the door. The Gehult takes a more direct route and dives through the window, trying to tackle Jake. He throws himself to the side and it springs to its feet, jumping over his sweep kick, and then bolting into the night.

Jake: You should get that bruise looked at. Uh, by someone who knows why you're glowing... Any idea what that was about?
Matthew: Um, kind of. He claims I stole his light. I can only wonder what he means by that...
Jake: Right. I assume you didn't... Did you?
Matthew: Not on purpose...
Jake: So now you've got an angry Goat Demon after you. Because you stole its... light?
Matthew: It's a sign of maturity.
Jake: Oh yeah, very mature. "You stole it, give it back!"
Matthew: I mean, like a peacock. A Gehult shows off its... glowing-ness...

We cut to Natalie in the training room, beating a defenceless punchbag to death. She looks over as Jake leans in the door.

Jake: Don't let us interrupt.
Natalie: Oh, it's just you two.
Matthew: How can you...?
Natalie: Matthew, there's no point trying to hide. It's a dark office.
Matthew: I'll... be in the library...

Natalie watches him go, eyes narrowed.

Natalie: So, Matthew's a monster.
Jake: ... Maybe not. Come on.

Natalie nods, executes a roundhouse kick to the 'head' of the punchbag, and follows.

Jake: Well, the good news is, Matthew may not be half-Gehult. Or even a bit Gehult. Because we just met one, and he wasn't glowing.
Matthew: And he tried to eat me!
Andy: Oh yeah? ...How big was it?
Jake: About my size.
Andy: How long would that take?
Jake: Depends. Maybe it can dislocate its jaw -
Matthew: Would you all please shut up?

He looks uncomfortable and glows slightly brighter.

Jake: Right. Er... anyway, I think someone cast a spell on him. Transferring features around.
Natalie: That would explain some of the other crazy stuff we've seen.
Jake: We saw something like it at Freshers' Week last year - someone stealing people's skills.
Escher: A transfer of physical features beyond muscle memory, and across species, is more complicated, more difficult...
Jake: Maybe. So this particular oh-so-bright demon may have come to the wrong conclusion, but he might be on to something.
Escher: Someone did steal his light - and foisted it upon Matthew. But whom, and why?
Jake: No answers, just more questions. (deadpan) I love this job.

Enter William and Charlotte. She stops in her tracks on seeing Matthew. He doesn't blink.

William: Well, that film was terrible. That Schwarzenegger guy will never amount to anything.
Natalie: Maybe not the best choice for a reconciliation date, then...
William: Well, no... er... what's going on?
Charlotte: And why is he glowing?
Jake: Oh, some glowy demon says Matthew stole some of his powers.
Charlotte: Oh. I should really learn not to ask these questions.

Andy goes over to the board, looks for chalk, finds none and shrugs.


Andy: One. Matthew's glowing. Two. This demon guy is no longer glowing. Three. Other weird stuff's been happening around town. Little dogs making noise. Gorillas using Grecian 2000. Ros having spots.
Natalie: So, Matthew got attacked by the demon...
Jake: And stopping you being eaten is our priority. Not Ros's acne.

Charlotte puts a comforting hand on Matthew's shoulder.

Charlotte: Oh God... Matthew, are you okay?
Matthew: I've had better days... (smiles weakly)
Andy: Er... now then, Matthew was never glowing before. So has this Gehult Demon been watching him the whole time? (looks worried) What else watches us all the time?
Escher: Calm down.
Andy: Sorry.

Jake: You remember the bugging in the bar?
Charlotte: (appalled) The bar was bugged? Who by? What for?
Jake: (to William) Why did you have to tell her?
Charlotte: Standing right here!
Jake: (to Charlotte) Well, there are some specifics -
Natalie: She knows... about er, well, Milli.

William: So you don't have the demon's armour, obviously. Do you change colour, or are you just that lemon-lime yellow?
Matthew: Ah -
Andy: He's going kinda orange now. Are you blushing?
Matthew: And I thought things couldn't get worse...

Natalie: So, Charlotte, this would not be normal.
Charlotte: (arch) No...
Natalie: So if we're crazy, so are you.
William: (irritably) Oh, that's very helpful.

Jake looks back up.

Jake: So, one, he's been affected by a spell. Or two, he's a demon and he's coincidentally changed at the same time this other demon lost his glowyness and all this other stuff's happening.
Charlotte: That sounds pretty unlikely... Oh God. I just realised a magic spell seems more likely. I'm gonna get some water.
William: I'll -
Charlotte: No.

She puts a hand up, then lowers it as her expression softens.

Charlotte: Uh, no. You... stay here... You're needed.

She doesn't look him in the eye as she says any of that.

He watches her go. Silence descends.

William: ... I'm not sure Matthew can stand another attack from the crazy demon.
Matthew: Because I enjoy attacks from level-headed demons ever so much.
Jake: Anyway. We need to find someone who knows spells.
Natalie: Anyone in mind? (smirks)
Jake: (frowning) I think you know. Here's her number.
Matthew: She's your friend.
Jake: (testily) Matthew...
Matthew: Me? It's bad enough I had to give Mister Escher a sample...
William: Just don't mix it with the oil for my bike.
Andy: So you're not a demon, but you have a high petroleum content.

Jake tuts and calls Emma himself.

Emma: Okay, what's up?
Jake: Yeah, um... can you help us with another accident?
Emma: Have you lost him again?
Jake: No, actually, he's hard to miss... uh, there are other forces in play.
Emma: Right. I'll be there soon.
Jake: Oh, just when you're free. No panic.
Matthew: What?
Jake: Well, you didn't call her...

Emma duly arrives, carrying her bag of emergency magical paraphernalia.

Emma: So, what's up?
Jake: Matthew's glowing.
Emma: (raises her eyebrows, smirks) ... When's the baby due?
Jake: No, really.
Emma: (lowers them again, stops smirking) I was afraid you'd say that.
Jake: And there's other stuff happening.

Montage:

William at the zoo, looking rather puzzled as he looks at the gorilla enclosure and takes a photo of the silverback gorilla.

Natalie looking nervous as she looks through the hole in Matthew's window.

Jake: I think it may be magical.

Rosalind looking intently at her complexion.

A small dog barking like a much bigger dog.

Jake: Anyway, if nothing else we need a Matthew reversal.
Emma: So, it's like someone's stealing people's attributes and swapping them around? Like that guy... the first time we met?

He pauses.

Jake: Uh... I guess. Only these are going all over the place.
Emma: Well, let's see if there's a central point.

A quick locator spell later, she looks over the lights glowing on the map.

Emma: Okay, that's here... and here... and they're... here... hate this town...
William: So, should we be worried?
Emma: Well... yes.

Emma: Hmm... this is kind of a focal point...
Natalie: So we check the location and find the weirdo. It's always a weirdo casting spells.
Emma: Umm -
Jake: She's right here.
Natalie: ... the bad spells.

She nods and grins unconvincingly and we -

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

We return as Matthew enters. Emma blinks as she sees his new look.

Matthew: So, what's happening?
Jake: William's breaking into the university computer system to get an address for a possible spellcaster.
Emma: (still staring) Hi... um...

Matthew looks at his shoes.

Emma: Er, sorry. Anyway, looks like it's an aspected transference spell firing off gifts at random.
Matthew: So it's like an unwanted Christmas present. Like socks or something.
Natalie: You like socks.
Matthew: When they keep my feet warm! But, you know, not so much as a present.

Andy: I feel all left out. Matthew got to glow, what did I get?
Jake: ... pig bits?

Andy: So the focus probably took things for himself?
Emma: Probably, unless it's just a prank.
Andy: So there's some ex-spotty teenager wandering around -
Matthew: With huge boobs.
Andy: Um?
Matthew: I overheard someone talking about someone losing her... chest.
Natalie: So there's some girl who lost her... charm.

Natalie sticks her hands in front of her chest to demonstrate.

Andy: So, probably not a he casting the spells then.
Emma: Well, not now anyway. (ponders this) I really hope...

She cringes, and there's a moment of silence as everyone joins her.

Natalie: (quickly) So, let's go, eh?

The computer displays a picture of an unremarkable-looking brown-haired girl.

William: Found it. The room in the centre of the... problem belongs to Helen Whittaker, second year chemistry.
Natalie: So do we break in or should we try and get a key?
Jake: It's a student flat. Lean against the door hard and you'll get in.
Natalie: (arch) That'll make me feel safe at home tonight. Thanks...

The group arrive, Jake looks at the door hard and it opens. They split up, Natalie going for the wardrobe.

Jake: Chalk on the floor...
Natalie: Oh my God. Is that Laura Ashley?

Emma looks over the girl's bookshelf and pulls out a slim leather-bound volume, flicks through it and nods.

Emma: Yeah, there was a spell cast here. Looks like the Theft of the Blessing...
Jake: So the same as last time?
Emma: Some of the syllables are transcribed differently.
Jake: Different enough to mess it up?
Emma: Could be...

William answers his phone.

Escher: I just received a report of a fish being caught in the river - with an eye growing out of its forehead.
William: A third eye? Is it the same colour as the other two?
Escher: ... The report didn't say...

Andy: She's not here.
William: Missed her classes for the last two days. And her string quartet, and her society meetings...
Natalie: God, is she president of the Frumpy Society? What she really needs to steal is someone's fashion sense.
Andy: How do we know this is her stuff?
Jake: It's her room.
Andy: She steals stuff. Maybe not just with magic.
Natalie: But who would steal this?

Shrugs all round.

Natalie: So how do we find her?
Emma: I could locate her.
Jake: Should we confront her in public?
William: Or, on the other hand, criminal? (indicates the room) Scene of crime?
Jake: We don't have to wait inside the flat. We can wait... out... side.
Emma: Matthew's room is, what, fifty feet away?
Jake: Yeah... And we should probably call maintenance about the window.
William: And tell them...?
Jake: Put a bin through it?
Andy: At last, something I can do!

He leaps into action.

Andy: Now to find one good for throwing...
Natalie: We can't just put it there without throwing it?
Andy: ... aw...

Jake: So, we do that, now we need to track her down.
Emma: And have lunch.

William: If it helps, I could extrapolate an image, see all the changes she's made...
Jake: She might have lost an eye, she's gained something from a silverback gorilla, and she's probably gone up a few bra sizes... But her skin's as clear as day.
William: ... Okay, now I don't want to.

Andy: I found her diary.
Jake: 'Dear Diary, had to shave my back again...'

Emma smiles slightly as she holds the diary bookmark over her map.

Natalie: Does it say anything about a ball? There's like a million this month. Maybe she decided to get a makeover for them. You know, like Cinderella.
Jake: My band hasn't been asked to play at any of 'em.
Andy: I thought you dropped them?
Jake: Well, after our last gig where a bunch of vamps used us as cheese for a trap...

Emma: She's at the Hartsborough Hotel.
Andy: Right... when you scan for her, does she know that?
Emma: Um... probably not...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

The group arrive at the hotel, a decidedly upscale affair. Matthew pulls up his hood and fiddles with his gloves. A little glow still escapes from his forehead.

Emma: Okay, she's in here... somewhere...
Natalie: Why can't you be all psychic and work out where she is? Like... dowse for her?
Jake: It doesn't work like that.
Natalie: Touch all the door handles and see what flashes?
Jake: ...
Natalie: Fine, I'll go and ask the man at the desk. Wait in the bar.

The others head to the hotel's minimalist wine bar. Jake flags down one of the staff.

Jake: What does everyone want?
Matthew: We're not staying that long!
Jake: What, are you in a hurry?
Matthew: (deadpan) No, I enjoy glowing like a firefly's rear end. (irritably) Of course I'm in a hurry.
Jake: Why, do you wanna burn her?
Matthew: Well... uh... actually, what is the best way to deal with her?
Jake: I'd suggest talking to her.
Matthew: So, can we do that now?
Jake: I'm getting a round...

Natalie enters. Matthew looks hopeful.

Natalie: Found her.

Matthew leaps to his feet and just stops himself running to the door.

Jake: ... Okay, I'll get a can of cola...

Our heroes assemble around the door of Helen's room, concealed weapons at the ready.

Jake: Miss Whittaker? We're from the college truancy department. Well, not really, but can we come in?

Emma waves a hand and the door opens. The group enter before Helen can respond.

Helen is now a statuesque young woman with long blonde tresses, wearing a black Chanel evening dress.

Andy: Whoa.
Jake: Helen?
Helen: Yes...
Andy: Whoa.
Natalie: ... I think my Cinderella theory fits...

Jake pushes past the gawping Andy.

Jake: That's kind of a new look for you, isn't it?
Helen: Er -
Jake: That's why we're here. Your... extracurricular activities.
Helen: The string quartet?

Jake puts the spellbook down on the coffee table.

Helen: Didn't think so.
Jake: I speak in reference to this book.
Helen: I... found it in the Trinity College library.
Matthew: I knew it! I thought something was missing.

She regards them warily, raising her perfectly-manicured hands in warding.

Helen: So what are you going to do? It's not the only spell I learned...
Emma: Tch! You didn't learn this one properly!
Helen: (bewildered) What? I -
Jake: And we know enough to find you just like that.

Helen's shoulders slump, destroying her model-like posture.

Helen: I just wanted to try it out.
Jake: And you have. Now put it back. You weren't the only thing changed.
Emma: Some pretty weird things have happened.
Jake: And a lot worse could happen.
Natalie: We can't all decide how people see us... or how we see people.

Natalie avoids looking at Matthew. Helen avoids looking at everyone.

Helen: My life... wasn't...
Natalie: Lots of people have trouble. Magic isn't the way to go. There are... well, talking to other people might help.
Helen: I...
Jake: Look. (gently) Why are you here?
Helen: I wanted to try it... and I didn't want to go home...
Jake: You're hiding. This isn't you, and this isn't any kind of life, hiding in a hotel room...
Helen: I didn't think...
Jake: Dispel the effect and get back to -

His train of thought is interrupted as the balcony shatters and the lightless Gehult bursts in.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Helen yelps in surprise and backs away as the demon springs to its feet.

Jake raises a hand and the Gehult trips over mid-charge. Natalie nails it under the chin with a bolt from her pistol crossbow, Andy kicks it in the groin, Jake skewers it with his sword and Matthew throws the coffee table at its head.

Jake: Uh... as we were saying...
Helen: Uh, yes! Spell...

She closes her eyes, claps her hands together and chants.

Helen: What was taken I now will back...

By the time she opens her eyes, she's four inches shorter, her hair has straightened and darkened, and her dress doesn't cling anywhere near as well.

Andy tries to conceal his disappointment.

The steaming pile of goo containing chunks of bony armour that used to be the Gehult starts to glow slightly as Matthew stops glowing slightly. Natalie can't bear to look.

Natalie: Are you... okay?

He looks at his hands. Holds one over the other to give it some shade...

Matthew: Er... yes.

Natalie smiles and speaks quietly.

Natalie: good.

William: So... why the gorilla?
Helen: I was around there when I, uh, cast a spell to... (mumbles) skip the line for ice cream.
Jake: Right. (rolls eyes) Well, magic has a way of going wrong. And we will find out.
Helen: Uh... right.

The group leave Helen to pack and return to her own life.

Emma: You were totally flirting with her!
Jake: (shocked) What? No I wasn't...
Emma: Sure, sure...

And we play out with Helen looking at her reflection, holding up the now too-long dress...

Emma packing up her spell supplies, leafing through a spellbook, pausing on 'enchantments of the heart', thinking, then shaking her head and closing the book...

William approaching Charlotte after a lecture...

Charlotte: It's... um... it's all a bit much. Give me some time?

William nods, and stands there as she steps away...

And we cut to Natalie sitting alone in her room, picking up her phone and then setting it down...

And finally Matthew, calling his father.

Matthew: Well, the tests came back negative. I'm a real live boy.
Mr. Fairweather: Ah. Good.
Matthew: So you don't have to talk to mum about it.
Mr. Fairweather: That's good. Because she hasn't returned my calls...

And we pull back from Matthew's father frowning as he puts down his phone, to Matthew doing the same...

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time, on The Watch House:

A studious type holds up a large, monstrous horned skull.

Human-sized creatures with similarly monstrous horned heads surround a fire, throwing in spell ingredients.

The studious type gives a lecture, in the main hall of the college's Palaeontology department. We see William, Matthew, Natalie, and their parents in the audience.

The creatures chant "Rise! Rise!"

The skull does nothing.

But outside, the Allosaurus skeleton in the department foyer starts to twitch...

The next episode of The Watch House is Them Bones.

--
DVD Commentary

Craig: The core of this two-parter is all Steve D's idea. After he came up with thirty plotlines inspired by the titles of Elvis's Number One singles, he pointed out that it wasn't necessary that it be song titles or similar phrases - he could probably manage plotlines from selected elements on the Periodic Table. So, naturally, I asked him about Phosphorous...

--
(Charlotte: I just realised a magic spell seems more likely.)
David: She's beginning to believe...
Craig: She is the One!
David: Well, she's the one for William anyway.
All: Aww...

(Emma: So, it's like someone's stealing people's attributes and swapping them around? Like that guy... the first time we met?)
Lucy: I like how she got "the first time we met" in.
Craig: She's sneaky like that.

(Emma: You were totally flirting with her!
Jake: What?)
David: It's okay though, Emma gets to turn her back into a girl he wouldn't hit on.
Craig: Oh, knowing Jake he probably would...

--
The Actual Play bit

Steve:
Hook: One of the Scoobies wakes up with a glowing feeling. Literally. They give off a warm, phosphorescent light from their skin, enough to see in the dark - or be spotted easily by passing vampires.
Problem: Phosphorescent skin is like acne for many scaly demons. Which is odd because the kid with pimples at school suddenly has none, and the popular girl has heaps. Yes, somebody is swapping puberty symptoms around - and the Scoobies are getting demon versions (and vice versa).
Complications: With so many demons, there could be so very MANY embarrassing symptoms the heroes could get. They could look like a freakshow by the end of it.
Sub-Plots: Don't they have any normal friends to swap with? What happened to their social lives? Also, well... puberty. For girls and guys, a trying experience. And now, it can happen overnight - or go away again.
Resolution: The Scoobies team up with the afflicted demons, find the pre-teens keen to get the boobs in and their acne out and make them magic things back. The demons are highly relieved and perhaps there's a moment of truce and understanding. Alternatively, they immediately go back to hating each other.
Fun stuff: More breast jokes than a Carry-On marathon.
Theme: You can't hurry change, it comes when it comes.

Craig: Brilliant. Now do Erbium...

[Craig Oxbrow]

As a celebration of my 19000th post here (the PBP games have inflated my postcount a bit)...

Season One Front Cover (http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b175/craigoxbrow/DVDCover1a200.jpg)

Season One Back Cover (http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b175/craigoxbrow/DVDcover1b22.jpg)

Season Two Front Cover (http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b175/craigoxbrow/DVDCover2a.jpg)

Season Two Back Cover (http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b175/craigoxbrow/DVDcover2b.jpg)

Hopefully we'll have Season Three ready for presentation in time for Christmas...

[Allison Wonderland]

Those are brilliant. (I'm too sleepy to gush more, but they really are.)

[Craig Oxbrow]

Those are brilliant. (I'm too sleepy to gush more, but they really are.)
:)

Thank you and good night.

[Varyar]

:)

Thank you and good night.

I must second Allison's motion. Those are shiny. Esp. the front of S1.

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.17: Them Bones

William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Matthew: shy bookish Prentice fresher lovelorn over Natalie, no longer glowing in the dark
Natalie: socialite Prentice fresher starting to take Matthew less for granted
Callum: see below

Jake: not a Watcher per se, and glad of it sometimes
Andy: likewise
Emma: ditto

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Charlotte: William's uninformed civilian girlfriend, now William's informed civilian ungirlfriend
Fifield: see below

The Groves: William's proud parents
The Derby-Moores: Natalie's embarrassing parents
The Blackhursts: Milli's estranged parents
Mr. Fairweather: Matthew's single parent

--
Previously, on The Watch House:

Charlotte shaking her head and stepping away from William.

--
We open on Escher paging through the Cambridge Evening News.

Escher: Lecture series by noted palaeontologist Ashley Fifield on recently discovered dinosaur species...
Matthew: Oh! Yes? Interesting.
Escher: Quite. Doctor Fifield is actually one of our field analysts.

Natalie blinks.

Escher: She'll be having a reception for members of our, ah, association on Thursday evening, to view some demonic fossils. So, can I assume you'll all come?

Jake and Andy are already sidling out of the door. (And the episode.)

William: You know, I always wanted a fossil collection...
Natalie: You can come look at ours again.
Matthew: My dad's is better...

And cut to a middle-aged woman (Phyllis Logan) overseeing a younger man (Julian Rhind-Tutt) unloading a packing crate marked "collection" from a Range Rover onto a palette in the Palaeontology building carpark.

Callum: Well, it's certainly heavy.
Fifield: It's the skull of a true demon, of course it's heavy.

And cut again, to four robed figures in a darkened room chanting.

Robed Figures: The slain shall arise... the slain shall arise... Rise!

And in the centre of a circle of white sand, a cat skeleton twitches... blood starts to seep out of the marrow... and it moves, yowling and hissing.

Robed Figure 1: Cool. That works... Let's try it on something a bit bigger.

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Natalie looks at the three male Watchers looking at her expectantly.

Natalie: Obviously I'd like to come... I mean, history's always been my strong point...

William raises his eyebrows.

Natalie: But I have a thing on. With a... man. From... the lacrosse team.
Escher: On Thursday?
Natalie: Yeee-okay, not really.
Escher: We'll see you at eight for the slideshow then.
Natalie: I - but I have an essay due! I'm really falling behind.
Matthew: Don't you have a party -
Natalie: (shocked) Not at all!
Matthew: But -
Natalie: You're right, I had been invited, but I'd completely forgotten. I mean, studying comes first!

She nods quickly.

Matthew: But surely demonic foss-ow!

He jumps as Natalie kicks him under the table. Then she sighs, defeated.

Natalie: How long?
William: Well, you have to be there for the slideshow. And the Q and A.
Natalie: Can I get out early...?
Escher: (sighs)
Natalie: I don't suppose the disapproving sigh means yes?

William goes off to look up Dr. Fifield's published articles.

Natalie: So, should we patrol?
Matthew: What'll I achieve? I don't even glow in the dark any more.
William: You didn't come to Cambridge to stay in the library, did you?... I should rephrase that.
Matthew: I was going to look up demonic generational changes.
William: Which we can stop going any further if we patrol.

Matthew tuts and gets his coat.

With the group down by half, William suggests a sweep of the College grounds. This finds nothing... except what would appear to be a bald cat raiding a bin outside the kebab shop.

Natalie: Is it a demon or just some sort of rare breed that never took off?

The boys shrug, and we -

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

The night of the lecture arrives, and we find Natalie dressed semi-formally - cocktail dress, jacket, heels - looking up at the complete Allosaur skeleton in the mezzanine of the College's Palaeontology department.

She has saved seats near the back.

Natalie: Come on, back here...
William: No, this is far too far back, we have to get the best seats.
Natalie: ...
Matthew: Come on, up the front.
Natalie: (mutters) I liked it better when he was a demon.
Matthew: (loudly) I WAS NOT A DEMON!

Everyone in the room looks at him. He cringes and attempts to curl up inside his jacket.

On that impetus, the Derby-Moores come over to say hello.

Mr. Derby-Moore: Ah, Matthew, good to see you got over that whole 'being a demon' problem.
Matthew: Yes, well, it didn't help that I was glowing.
Mrs. Derby-Moore: Ah - ?
Matthew: Don't ask.

Natalie steps in.

Natalie: So, how's Ellie?
Mrs. Derby-Moore: Oh, she's fine.
Natalie: And Alethea? And her... husband?
Matthew: Oh, she's married? (off Natalie's look) Oh, is it one of those marriages? (off her look doubling in strength) ... I'll get a programme.

William heads over to the stage, where Callum is setting up the projector.

William: Hello.
Callum: Hi. Hold this.
William: Oh, uh, right. William Grove.

He offers his hand, Callum moves a tray of slides from one hand to the other and shakes it.

Callum: Callum O'Connor, the doc's assistant.
William: So you get to see the fossils?
Callum: Yes, and help dig them out, and stop the virgin blood sacrifices...
William: (impressed) Oh, we do that here too sometimes, but we don't generally get to go on digs.
Callum: Well, I'm sure... hold that there... thanks... Anyway, it's a good show. The first time. If you like fossils.

William nods cheerfully and heads on back.

Escher studies the program thoughtfully. William's father sits down beside him and looks around.

Mr. Grove: (quietly) I see the Blackhursts decided not to come.
Escher: Hm.
Mr. Grove: Have you spoken to them since...?
Escher: No. (quietly) And I don't really expect to.

He sighs and shakes his head slowly.

Natalie: I should probably go and sit with Matthew and William.
Mrs. Derby-Moore: Right-o, darling.
Mr. Derby-Moore: We'll be just along the row.
Natalie: Oh. Good. (smiles weakly)

William's mother comes in from the bar with a cup of tea.

William: Hello mum.
Mrs. Grove: Hello dear... (gently) So... here by yourself?

William nods slightly.

William: Yes... she didn't take it very well... at first she didn't believe me, then she didn't want to...
Mrs. Grove: She is still speaking to you, isn't she?
William: Well... sort of.
Mrs. Grove: Should I talk to her? I do a very good talk on duty and responsibility. Not as good as your dad's on the legacy of generations and the need for courage, but your aunt Jane seemed to appreciate it.
William: Ah... I don't know if that would help. But, um, thanks.
Mrs. Grove: I'm sorry.

William's father arrives, and raises his eyebrows at their expressions.

Mrs. Grove: Charlotte didn't take the news well.
Mr. Grove: Oh. (looks down) Bloody hell. (back to William) Sorry son.

Dr. Fifield's arrival interrupts the gloomy silence.

Fifield: Good evening everyone. Now, I thought I'd start with my best find, just to make sure you all drift off later.

Dr. Fifield turns and points to a gleaming black skull, roughly the size of a lion's with a sharp-toothed muzzle and four curved horns.

Fifield: The preserved skull, spine and ribcage of a full-blood saltwater Argano - only found in humanoid hybrid forms crossed with Kalosim for the last thousand years.

Matthew dutifully takes notes, doodling an Argano charging and spitting in the sidelines.

Callum advances the slideshow to show a medieval artist's impression of the Argano, and a grainy photograph of a humanoid creature with a similar head shape.

Fifield: The channels above the nostrils indicate that it was capable of projecting a jet of sub-zero brine. By comparison, the modern Arganosim can exhale any recently ingested fluid about ten feet.

Natalie: That's a neat trick at parties.
William: (speaks up) How do you kill them? Just in case?
Fifield: There will be a question and answer session at the end.
Matthew: (quietly) According to her article on the subject, the channels are a weak point in the skull.
Natalie: Ahhh, I see.
Matthew: But of course they've been extinct for centuries...
William: So how do you get to them?
Matthew: An upward thrust to the nose will go straight through.
Natalie: And they've been extinct for centuries.

And cut to the robed figures chanting. With their hoods down, revealing that they're Arganosim...

After the lecture, William and Matthew push forwards. Natalie doesn't, looking at her phone rather than the bones and fossils on display. She looks askance at Escher as he speaks animatedly with Dr. Fifield.

William: Why are you looking at them like that?
Natalie: They're... talking.
William: They do sometimes do that.
Natalie: But, he and a... I'm so gone.

Callum shakes his head.

Callum: No, they're just being Watchery. As the demon talk goes up, the smalltalk goes down.
Natalie: I agree. So, I'll be somewhere else...

She steps out of the lecture hall, onto the balcony. And notices a wire cable hanging snapped from the ceiling. And another. The ones that were holding up the Allosaurus skeleton.

And she looks down.

Natalie: Er... where'd that dinosaur skeleton go?

She looks around warily.

THUMP.

THUMP.

Natalie leans forward as the balcony shakes underneath her.

CRASH!

She looks down again, into the shade under the balcony, blanches and runs back inside.

Mrs. Derby-Moore: Natalie? What is it?
Natalie: I... um...
Mr. Derby-Moore: Wellll?
Natalie: Dinosaur downstairs. Live.

And from outside, there's a deafening roar.

Behind her, an Allosaur snaps at the air where she stood.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Natalie: Anyone bring any weapons with them? Any kind of weapon at all?

The assembled Watchers hurry out onto the balcony.

Natalie: Mister Escher, please?
Escher: Ah.

He breathes in slowly as he looks down, eyes wide.

Escher: We're more or less unarmed. Certainly not equipped to fight... that.
Matthew: We could throw the slideshow at it.
Callum: Oh no you don't.

Mr. Grove: Looks like it's trapped.
Mr. Derby-Moore: Or hungry! (grins) Er... sorry, meant that to be reassuring.
Natalie: Mum, dad, please get back...
William: What she said...

They do as their children suggest when the Allosaur slams its head against the stairwell and roars up at them.

Callum: This always happens...
Fifield: Oh, don't exaggerate. We haven't had to fight giant prehistoric beasts all year.

Natalie makes a call on her mobile phone.

Natalie: Guys! We need weapons! There's a dinosaur downstairs!

And cut to Jake in the Basement club, cornered by Natalie's friend Tiffany.

Jake: An eyesore? What? You're breaking up -

Natalie sighs and clicks her phone off.

Escher: Now, we have to work out where it came from.
Callum: The Late Jurassic period.
Natalie: The plinth in the foyer.
Escher: ... I meant where the effect of it being alive came from.
Natalie: Oh.
Matthew: My first guess would be magic.
Escher: Quite.
Natalie: Well, in case we can't work it out, what kills dinosaurs?
Matthew: Extinction!
William: And more helpfully...?
Matthew: ... You could drive a car into it.
Callum: I know some magic, we could make more of them come to life and fight?
Escher: Or. Dispel. This.
Callum: ... Right, better idea, yes. Hmm. I need to get a look at the spell's 'fingerprints' close up.

He looks around and points to Natalie.

Callum: Run out and scream. Dinosaurs love that.
Natalie: I am not being dinosaur bait!
Mrs. Derby-Moore: Damn right you're not!

She puts her hands on Natalie's shoulders protectively and turns to Callum.

Mrs. Derby-Moore: Come up with something better. Now!

Natalie raises her hands for calm.

Natalie: Okay. Mum, dad, go out through the fire exit and get some weapons. (to Callum) You there, find any kind of food to distract it with. Palaeontology Doctor Woman -
Callum: Doctor Fifield...
Natalie: Yes, you - go with Mister and Mrs. Grove, and Mister Fairweather, find some makeshift weapons.
Mister Escher -
Escher: I'll lock the doors. Make sure that thing doesn't get loose.
Natalie: (quickly) - yes that's a good idea and I hope I would have thought of it.
Escher: Everything else sounds good too. Come on.

Escher heads outside carefully, keys in hand.

Callum opens his bag.

Callum: I know a few spells... I can stun it.
Natalie: Good. We'll go for its legs, you go for the head to -
Callum: Who said anything about the head?

Natalie ignores him and looks over to Matthew.

Natalie: Find some food for it.

Callum looks over his selection.

Callum: I need to get close enough to touch... it. So someone will need to distract it. Maybe if you wore a fur bikini?
Natalie: Just shut up.

Matthew: I found something!
Natalie: Matthew, this is a cheese salad sandwich.
Matthew: Er, yes. (looks at it) But it's got sauce on it! It may not want to eat it but it'll certainly distract its sense of smell.
Natalie: (sighs) Fine.

Matthew ventures out onto the balcony... and freezes as he looks down and sees a live dinosaur looking up at him. He hoists the sandwich into the air, and it slips out of his hand and lands beside him.

Standing beside him and armed with a pointer, Mr. Grove furrows his brow.

Matthew: I was never picked for the Academy cricket team.
Mr. Grove: Well, we all contribute as best we can.

He picks up the remains of the sandwich and bounces it off the Allosaur's snout. It roars up at him.

Mr. Grove: Alright, go! Go!

Callum jumps over the dent smashed into four of the stairs and approaches the dinosaur, hands raised.

Matthew: Fascinating.
Mr. Grove: This way.
Matthew: hm?
Mr. Grove: Come on, lad!
Matthew: Oh...

He follows William's father as he goes to the edge of the balcony, waves and shouts.

And Callum reaches the Allosaur, shivering as he looks up. And up...

He quickly smacks it on the tail. Its tail flops over and it shudders slightly, then turns to look down at him, opening its jaws wide...

And then William and Natalie step out behind him. William smashes an elbow into the glass case holding a fire axe, and charges at the beast. Nat screams up at the thing as she too brandishes an axe and swings at the tendons in its legs.

We get a good look at just how big it is as it leans down to snap at them...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Her axe slams into the tendon in the back of the dinosaur's leg, and brackish blood spurts out, splashing the floor, William's trousers and Natalie's legs.

Natalie: Aaaaugh...
Callum: Well, I think it's stunned!
William: It's certainly distracted! Got enough to work the spell out?
Callum: Plenty!

He raises his hands, mutters something in Latin, and a wind blows up towards them, masking their scent. William slams the axe down across the tendon of the beast's other leg... Natalie gets sprayed with blood again... and they run back to the stairs.

Callum: I'm loving the red on you.
Natalie: Oh... go cast your spell.

As Natalie wrings some blood out of her hem into an empty plastic cup, Matthew and his father discuss the effects.

Mr. Fairweather: Now, if this turns it blue, it's a revenant effect.
Matthew: Which is...?
Escher: It's a resurrection of the body only - no memory, acting purely on instinct. Probably only good for sub-sentient animals...
Callum: So, the dinosaur's an amnesiac.
Escher: It's not a problem in this case, obviously...

Natalie dabs her dress down with a wet paper towel.

Mrs. Derby-Moore: Maybe you should wash your face too... here, I'll get it.

Nat shoos her mother away as she advances with a wet hanky.

The Groves stand on the balcony, watching the Allosaur try to stand.

Mr. Grove: I see that winter the central heating packed in and we had to make a fire really paid off.
William: Yes dad...

William winces and massages his shoulder as his father pats him on the back.

Escher stands by the phone. And cut across to Emma, glancing over at Jake still talking to Tiffany and not noticing her phone ringing.

Emma looks away and spots Charlotte. She takes a step towards her, but Charlotte shakes her head and turns away.

Escher: Emma... pick up...
Natalie: She's at that party -
Matthew: The one you were going to -
Natalie: Yes.
Matthew: And you were going with........
Natalie: I don't have to tell you.

Callum interrupts her glaring and Matthew's blustering.

Callum: Right, the blood was enough to let me track the spell. It's a revenant effect alright, and it was cast over on the riverbank. So, we should go and stop it, since that'll just mean explaining a dinosaur skeleton that fell off its display rather than a live dinosaur...
Escher: Well, yes. Now it's contained we can go through the fire exit so we don't have to step around it...

As the Watchers head for the fire door, the Derby-Moores go to inform the other adults.

Mr. Derby-Moore: Do you think he saurus? (grins)
Mrs. Derby-Moore: (wearily) Yes, very good dear.

Following Callum's lead, the now-armed group arrive and find the four robed demons still standing around their circle.

Robed Figure 1: Uh...

Natalie interrupts its train of thought by kicking its legs out from under it. realisation dawns on her as its hoods falls back.

Natalie: Oh, I know what it is! It's an Arganosim! I - whoa!

She ducks as it snorts a jet of water at her.

The others run for it. William charges after one, axe raised. Callum runs after the other and puts a hand on its back, and it topples over.

Callum: See, that's how a stun spell is supposed to work.

Natalie stumbles forwards as William beheads the second demon and its head hits her on the back. Covering her in blood again.

Natalie: Damn it!

As the stunned demon hisses and tries to grab Callum, Matthew brings his torch down on its nose. There's a crunch and it collapses. Matthew looks at his torch, grimaces and drops it.

Matthew: Uuuccch... Demon brain.
William: Matthew, get a new torch.
Matthew: I was planning to...

The fourth snarls and lunges. Callum points at the severed head, and it swoops through the air, slamming into the last demon's nose. It collapses with a gurgle.

William: ... nice.

Escher and the assorted mature Watchers arrive.

Escher: Are there any left to question?

Natalie looks up from preparing to elbow the stunned one in the face.

Surviving Arganosim: Er... did we resurrect our honoured ancestor to lay waste to the land of the dry skins?
Natalie: Not quite. Your spell hit the dinosaur that was in the way.
Callum: Rookie mistake.
Surviving Arganosim: Oh. Bugger.

It looks somewhat embarrassed about the whole thing. Then it rolls away and dives into the river, with the Groves firing crossbows after it.

Fifield: Not to worry, if it tries that again we'll find it.
Callum: I'll, uh, send the dinosaur back then.
Escher: You're thinking about studying it, aren't you?
Fifield: Michael, how could... well, yes.

Matthew's father turns to him.

Mr. Fairweather: So does this sort of thing happen every day?
Matthew: No.

He looks around.

Matthew: Not every day...

CREDITS!

And the credits start over black and white footage of the Allosaur suddenly reverting to a skeleton and collapsing as its skin and muscles evaporate.

Escher: Obviously I had to... misplace this security footage.
Emma: Wow. We go to one party...
Andy: Yeah, we miss all the fun.
Emma: (deadpan) Uh, yeah, that's what I meant...
Jake: Sorry. It was a bit loud. Didn't hear the phone over everything going on.
Emma: Yeah...

She glances at him, but he's looking at the footage.

Escher: Well, no harm done. Apart from having to explain why the department's prize display collapsed while we were borrowing a lecture hall for the night.
William: And the "one of our dinosaurs is missing" excuse didn't work.
Jake: So what did you say?
Andy: Rugby club?
Escher: No, actually, I just went with one of the cables breaking.
Matthew: I don't know, I think it lacks a certain something.
Natalie: Don't worry, my dad explained it with jokes and they gave up asking...

ROAARR!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time on The Watch House:

The group moving around a roughly spherical "ripple" in the sky. William throwing a ball through it and it slowing down as it goes through, then coming out covered in ice.

Two people in gasmasks charging into a room with a portal hanging in the air, with yellowish gas seeping out of it.

William looking at a Geiger counter.

William: I think... something's trying to push its way into our reality.

The night sky splitting in two and a dark vortex forming in the air...

The next episode of The Watch House is Dimensions.

--
DVD Commentary

Craig: For those paying attention, yes, I swiped the Creeping Flesh idea before in Season Two's Shadows. But I didn't swipe the Resurrected Dinosaur idea from the Buffy novel Paleo, which I hadn't read at the time. I just wanted a big rampaging dinosaur...

--
Actual Play bit

For those who may be wondering, this was run with Jake and Andy's players absent and a new player, Lucy's friend Paul, present, late during the night of a 24-hour charity gaming marathon. Their activity at the party was edited in after the fact.

Natalie being repeatedly covered in blood was the result of Drama Point expenditure on the part of, well, mostly Dave as I recall. I don't know what was going on there. Normally it's his character who gets covered in blood...

For those who may be wondering, I didn't use dinosaur stats from anywhere, I just looked at the Life Point score on a Dragon and figured that'd do.

[Varyar]

Yay, a Natalie and Matthew episode! (And William)

Cool stuff.

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.18: Tear Down The Wall

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control
Matthew: shy bookish Prentice fresher lovelorn over Natalie
Natalie: socialite Prentice fresher starting to take Matthew less for granted

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Cassandra, Jessica, Tiffany: rich Classics Society girls

--
Previously on The Watch House:

Milli looking up as Ziggy steps into a portal between dimensions torn into the air and it closing on him.

Matthew looking over at Natalie, Natalie not noticing.

William testing his dimension door in a basement lab.

--
We open with our heroes on patrol, backing away from a spindly six-limbed creature with rough greyish skin and three blinking red eyes.

Matthew: What is it?
William: I... don't know.
Matthew: Fascinating...
Emma: Should we maybe call Mister Escher? I mean, this is why he usually stays in the office, to look things up...

Something occurs to Matthew and he waves his hands excitedly.

Matthew: Oh, oh oh!
Jake: Have you figured out how to kill it?
Matthew: No! But if it's a new species I get to name it!
William: Uh... are you sure about that?
Matthew: I wonder if it has any special attacks... Try and provoke it!

Jake takes a moment to give Matthew an exasperated look before charging back in with his sword outstretched.

Then the thing seems to accelerate, shivering as it moves like we're watching it at the wrong speed.

It runs right past Andy's swing, leaving him unbalanced and catching himself.

William: It's moving too fast! Clear!

He fires up his taser.

Jake: Oh no!

Jake dives out of the way as the taser darts slam into the monster's chest. It shrieks - and then the air behind it splits in two and a portal forms, with a grey sky visible on the other side.

William: It's getting away... Do you have a camera?

The thing stumbles back into the portal... and the taser wires are still stuck in it, so William is pulled off his feet and dragged towards the vortex.

William: Natalie, get my wire clippers!
Jake: Let go of the gun!
William: No! It cost me a hundred bucks!

Matthew and Andy grab him as his feet drag along the ground towards the portal...

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

And then the portal snaps shut, sending the severed cables snapping back and dropping the group on their backs.

William: Did you get a picture of that?

Andy straightens up, cricking his back.

Andy: If that hadn't happened I was gonna run over and bite the wires.
William: And then BZZZZZ.
Andy: I could take it.

Jake helps William up

Jake: You could have built another one. I mean, you got that one on eBay.
William: I suppose... but I spent so long working on that one. You want me to spend that long building something else?
Jake: It would still be quicker than us training another William.

Natalie points a finger at Matthew and he glowers and stomps off.

The rest of the group take this as their cue to head back to the office.

William: A dimensional portal. In Cambridge. How?
Jake: Surely why is the question. Why was it here? And who wanted it back?
Andy: Maybe it was with a demonic travel agency.

William processes the pictures.

Jake: Well, it's a blur in front of a bright light.
William: (sighs) Looks like something the parapsychology society would be proud of.
Matthew: I could take it to a meeting! I don't get to go to many.
Jake: Too busy fighting the paranormal to go to the paranormal society?
William: Plus, he has Classics.
Matthew: Well, less so now Natalie's too busy to go as well.

Escher: Well, going by the description, rather than the picture, it would appear to be a Vegras of Dem Kor.
William: Never heard of them.
Escher: There's no reason why you should. Dem Kor isn't expected to come into phase with our reality until 2007.
Jake: So what was a Vegas demon -
Andy: - Complete with flashy lights -
Jake: (looks sidelong at Andy) - doing here, now?
Escher: I don't know...
Jake: Well, that's nice and clear.
Andy: Or not, as in the photo.

Natalie: So when were the Vegas -
Escher: - Vegras -
Natalie: - yes, them, here last?
Escher: Southern Spain, in the early 1980s.
Natalie: Well... couldn't he have gotten on a plane?
Matthew: He was seven feet tall and had four arms!
Natalie: In a crate, maybe?
Escher: Perhaps. But why?
Natalie: Er... to catch the portal?
Escher: I'm afraid we can't ask it.
William: We could, if we open another portal and follow it!
Jake: No.
William: But -
Jake: Portals are bad. What are they?
William: ... bad.

Will sighs.

William: Well, if nothing else, we can take some soil and air samples from the area the door opened.
Jake: You actually do that? I thought you were joking.
William: Of course we do. Come on Matthew, we're gonna do the Mulder and Scully thing.
Jake: Huh?
William: ... TV show. Haven't you seen it?
Jake: Yes, but which is which...?
William: Magic's so much less predictable than science.
Escher: Which is why we track the magicians in town, not the scientists.
William: Yeah.
Emma: Apart from the mad scientists.

She smirks at William. He whistles innocently.

Jake: Okay, you do that, we'll... uh... we'll... pub?

He and Andy are already out of door.

Natalie quickly follows them.

Will shrugs and picks up his bag of measuring equipment.

William: Oh well, it's actually good we're in the paranormal society. Won't look so weird.

With that, he pulls down his infrared goggles, checks his gasmask, looks at his Geiger counter and heads outside.

--
Natalie joins Jake and Andy at the bar.

Jake: And I have no money. Er... Natalie? Any chance you could get a round in?
Natalie: ... why?
Jake: If you're not buying a round then you're not cool enough to hang with us.
Natalie: Oh well, then I'll have to hang with the actual cool people.

Jake curses her unassailable logic as she goes over to Cassandra, Jessica and Tiffany.

Jake: How're we gonna get beer if she's gone?
Andy: I... um...
Jake: I didn't realise this stuff came in half pints...

--
William looks over his findings in the lab.

William: Judging by the potassium levels, that thing couldn't have stayed in our atmosphere for more than a day. So it probably wasn't here on purpose...
Matthew: So how do you open a dimensional portal, anyway?

Will looks at him, then glances at the large square gate covered with a tarpaulin standing by one of the lab walls.

Matthew: We should check that there aren't any more.
William: Yes -
Matthew: I could try a locator spell.
William: ... what?
Matthew: It's all proper recitation and timing the elements correctly.
William: I... suppose...
Matthew: I've read up on it.
William: ...
Matthew: Look, hold this candle and look for lights on the map...

Matthew measures the amount of sand to use exactly, checks the lighting of the candle on a stopwatch, and speaks Latin very clearly, as if talking on the telephone in a 1950s public information film.

And a light starts to glow on the map. And another. And several more. A light dusting of indistinct lights cover the map, winking in and out apparently at random.

William: Should it be lighting up that much? It didn't do that when Emma did it.

And then the lights spread beyond the ends of the map.

Matthew: Well, that's... not good.
William: Could we phone Emma now? Please?
Matthew: No, I cast the spell right... Those are all portals…

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

We return to the Brody, as Jake intercepts Natalie on the way to the bar.

Jake: Please, please buy us a drink, we'll make a scene in front of all your cool friends...
Natalie: Tessa -
Jake: Oh, bless you -
Natalie: - What's the smallest glass you have?

Jake: Here, she got you a beer.
Andy: I win!
Jake: Not really.

He hands Andy a thimble-sized glass.

Andy: Sigh. So, what are the others doing?

--
And cut to Matthew looking at the light show all over the city map.

Matthew: I think we may have a problem.
William: Quite...
Matthew: It looks like the whole area's experiencing dimensional fluctuations.
William: Look. That one's brighter than average... that's right around the corner.

He grabs his taser and heads for the door.

Matthew: W-w-wait! People! Hide the gun!

Will grabs his equipment bag.

Matthew: Just try and look natural...

They head outside, look around... and follow the shouts and calls for help.

--
Jake: (smirking) And for your gracious generosity... a white wine spritzer.
Natalie: (deadpan) Gosh, how thoughtful.

She looks around.

Natalie: What's taking those two so long?
Andy: I'm sure they'll call if it's anything urgent.

--
And back to William and Matthew charging into a hall flooded with yellow gas, covering their mouths and coughing as Will's infrared goggles find an unconscious student on the floor.

They carry her out to safety, then William hands Matthew a gasmask, puts one on himself, and they run back inside.

Matthew: So, in case anyone asks...
William: The goggles are from the parapsychology society, and the masks... er...
Matthew: Cadets?
William: That'll do. Get this guy's legs...
Matthew: We need to find the centre of this too...

William points at the circular hole hanging in mid-air in one of the lecture theatres, with the noxious yellow gas flowing out of it down to the floor, and a hellish orange light illuminating the room.

Matthew: Well, that's... interesting. I don't suppose there's any chance they did this themselves?
William: This is a close harmony singing club in the theology department.
Matthew: So... that's a no then?

--
And back to the pub, as Andy sidles around the side of the bar, grabs the pub's mop, and sets it up beside him as he sits on a stool.

Andy: (cheery) This is Mister Mop! (concerned) He needs beer, or he'll die.
Tessa: ...

Jake's phone, sitting on the table, rings. Andy grabs it.

Andy: Yellow?
William: Andy?... Um, we just had another incident. Another dimension with a high concentration chlorine atmosphere breached the theology department.
Andy: Theology? Always knew they were up to something.
William: Anyway, it's clear but -
Andy: We'll be glad to help you out if you buy us some drinks. And Mister Mop.
William: ... Can I speak to someone not drunk?
Andy: (squeaky) Hi. Mister Mop here!
Natalie: Give me the phone!

Jake returns from the jukebox to see Natalie wrest his phone away from Andy.

Natalie: So what happened? What did you find out?
William: We were... wandering past the building and we saw smoke.
Natalie: We'll meet you at the office. You need chaperoning. And so does Andy.

--
They meet outside the office, William still stuffing his gasmask back into his holdall.

Matthew: So there was another unusual dimensional breach -
Natalie: How did you know?
William: It was fairly obvious from the coughing people and the yellow smoke billowing out of the windows.
Jake: But you were in the science lab, right? That's three buildings across.
Matthew: We... might have... kind of... used a sort of... locator spell.
Jake: We meaning you and Emma...

He looks around. No Emma.

Matthew: In a word...no.
William: All I did was hold candles.
Matthew: Nnnn...
Jake: Just tell me you didn't do it without her... or someone there...
William: We saved five lives.
Jake: (quickly) Okay I'm ignoring the spell it's fine why was there a portal there?
Matthew: We did the spell to -
Jake: (sharply) I'm ignoring that!
Matthew: Er... I... we found random fluctuations all over the area.
Jake: Which you decided to combat with equally random spellwork.

The group falls silent.

Andy: Meet Mister Mop! He needs alcohol.
Jake: I think Mister Escher has a bottle of scotch.

Escher furrows his brow as Andy enters with a mop over his shoulder.

Escher: There were some garbled reports of a gas leak on campus, and not in one of the labs -
William: Yes... er...
Jake: If I were to talk to Mister Escher he'd have full knowledge.
William: Matthew?
Matthew: ...fine.
Escher: What... happened...

William: We were at the leak; it was another breach. Matthew and I went in, got the people out...
Escher: Good...
Natalie: And the gasmasks.
Escher: You were expecting it?
Matthew: William?
William: ... Matthew.
Matthew: (quietly) right. (more clearly) We -
Natalie: Who's 'we'?

They share a look. He looks away first.

Matthew: I, under William's supervision, used a spell to detect the dimensional portals.
Escher: You...
Matthew: I've watched Emma closely, took notes. I was very careful.
Escher: (quietly) I see.
Matthew: The five people might have died. And I'm in trouble?
Jake: Haven't you learned anything from Ziggy?
Escher: ... And this saved five people.
William: Yes.
Escher: Well then. I suppose I shall have to inform your father -
Matthew: And I found that there are random dimensional fluctuations opening and closing all over.
Escher: - I see.
Matthew: So what do we do?
Jake: (angrily) Why don't you cast a spell?
Matthew: Um...
Jake: Cast a random spell to fix the random magic.
Escher: Jake. I don't think this is helping.
Jake: ... Fine. Anything in the literature?
Matthew: I'd have checked but you don't like me answering questions -
Jake: Oh, so it's my fault?
Escher: That's enough!

He glares at both of them. Jake looks at Matthew, Matthew looks at his feet.

Natalie: You can criticise later.
William: We were out while you sat in the pub.
Jake: ... Just find something.

Jake stalks along the corridor, lighting one cigarette off the end of another, as the Watchers read and Emma confirms Matthew's prediction.

Emma: He's right. I got the same results. But I've checked a bit more. Taking off the connections that aren't long enough to have any real effect, look at the pattern...
William: A few inside the shield, but a lot of them... here.
Matthew: Reality storms.
Natalie: Hm?
Matthew: There's something going on in an adjacent dimension, something moving that shouldn't be, and it's causing this effect in its wake.
Natalie: Where's it going?
Matthew: It's coming here.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Natalie leads the group to the carpark.

Jake: You won't buy two guys a drink... and you drive a Range Rover...
Natalie: We have to tour the estate, you know.
Andy: You have an estate?
Natalie: Yes. What? You have a farm.
Andy: Yeah, it's about the size of two rooms and a pond...
William: Can I drive?
Natalie: No.

Andy looks out the window.

Andy: Hey, where're ya going?
Jake: We're gonna go check out the hole in the sky.
William: I think something's trying to push its way into our reality.
Jake: Coming?
Andy: Okay.
Natalie: In the boot, it's adapted to carry dogs - I mean, er... you...

They reach a nearby spot... and find a haze in the air. Jumping out of the car and looking around, they see it seems to slow the effect of looking.

Emma: It's some sort of connection to a reality where time moves more slowly.
Matthew: Like a lens.
Jake: Or... time's more... stretchy. Like extra cheese on a pizza.
Andy: ... I haven't eaten all day.
Emma: I'll try and seal it in case anything comes through.
William: Hey guys, watch this!

He throws a rock into the 'cloud' of slow-motion, it slows down visibly, then speeds up again as it clears the field.

Then he steps towards it himself. Jake grabs him.

Jake: Whoa!
William: I wanted to see for myself.
Jake: You idiot.
Emma: It would have looked really cool. You know, if it didn't kill him.

Jake shakes his head, looks back at the distortion field - and sees a dark shape running towards him.

Jake: Uh...

He looks around behind the cloud. It isn't there. It's coming from inside.

Then it reaches our reality - and accelerates to a blur of motion that knocks the group over in its wake.

Jake: You could have jumped in and hit that, you know!
William: Yes, okay, bad idea!
Jake: Okay then... (looks around) Get in the car!

Natalie jumps into the driver's seat and Matthew and Emma pile into the Range Rover as the blur turns and speeds towards them. Matthew huddles in the seat.

Jake: Oh, the big hard wizard has to hide behind me...
William: So, ah, any suggestions for fighting Sonic the Hedgehog?
Matthew: Well, the Flash's enemies often build devices to -
Andy: Who's the Flasher? No, I don't wanna know...

Natalie starts the engine and starts reversing away. Jake loads a crossbow and fires. The thing stumbles, rips the bolt out and gets back up in less than three seconds.

Jake: Anybody got a shot?
Matthew: I can barely see it!
Jake: How fast is it going?
Natalie: About sixty on the flat...
Jake: Can this do that?
Natalie: Not in reverse.

She pulls a bootlegger turn and floors it.

Emma: I think it's actually speeding up...
Matthew: We could try a barrier spe-
Emma: I could, yes!

She raises her hands - then ducks as the thing leaps up onto the car.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

The thing crawls along the bonnet and smashes the passenger side window with a too-fast-to-follow punch, clawing at Matthew.

Natalie: Matthew! Hold on!

Natalie swerves and Matthew falls sideways.

Jake: Somebody shoot it!
Andy: Damn child locks! Open the door!

The thing smashes the window and tries to pull Natalie out, and Jake grabs her legs as it scrabbles for purchase, too fast to see clearly.

Andy tries to strike its clawed hand with Mister Mop. It grabs the staff and snaps it in two.

Andy: Bollocks.

The thing grins for an instant - then shrieks as he smacks it across the face with the end he still has left.

Natalie slams on the brakes and it flies forwards. It springs to its feet - then bounces off a barrier spell and catches a Range Rover front grille upside the head.

Jake: (suspiciously) Who cast that barrier spell?
Emma: (quickly) I did!

She looks over at Matthew, and he looks at the floor.

The group stumble out of the 4x4, crossbows and tasers at the ready, and watch as the speed demon stops moving and becomes clearly visible for a moment, then decays to a blackened skeleton and then a pile of dust in a matter of seconds.

--
And we cut to the pub again.

Andy: I'm afraid we've had a tragedy...

He hands over the now much shorter mop.

Tessa: ... This is going on your tab, you know.

Jake: So, if anyone asks, it's a wake.
Andy: For Mister Mop.
Natalie: ... Why?
Jake: It's easier to explain than a party celebrating closing the dimensional portals.
Natalie: I'm not so sure about that...

Emma: So, that thing was trying to force its way into our world and it just kind of... knocked other dimensions aside to do it.
Jake: Good thing we were there.
Matthew: (quietly) Thanks to a spell.

Jake glowers at Matthew. He stands up and heads for the door.

Emma gets up as well, giving Jake a 'come on' look. The group follow and catch up with Matthew.

Emma: Anyway, it should all go back to normal in a day or two. The walls should strengthen again.
Natalie: Right... and thanks for coming to help, everyone.
Matthew: Big help with the child locks and all.
Natalie: At least they... never mind...
William: Are you two alright?
Natalie: Yes, I think we are.
Matthew: No we're not!
Natalie: Um?
Matthew: I've had enough! Every time I try something - it's always you, you never look at what matters to me!
Natalie: What? Rubbish!
Matthew: Final exams! I was in bed with the flu. You came to see me and the first thing you asked about was about the revision. Not even a thought about how I was.
Natalie: I - I - I knew you'd - I never forced you -
Matthew: Just - no more!
Natalie: Well, pardon me for trying to save you!
Matthew: Hey, it's not my fault I'm more of a book Watcher - how do you kill a Griash Demon?
Natalie: Hit it!
Matthew: That's all well and good, but where?
Natalie: Would you do it? You don't have any bloody courage!
Matthew: Where?
Natalie: Cutting its head off... might work...
Matthew: Unfortunately not! Griash demons have a regenerative ability that allows them to regrow lost limbs, even their heads!
Natalie: Oh, fine. You don't take me seriously. I got into Cambridge!

She gestures to her surroundings.

Matthew: And how many classes do you go to?
Natalie: Okay, maybe I'm not on your exalted academic level -
Matthew: You know you wouldn't have made it here if you weren't a Watcher.

The group, who have been watching out for anyone overhearing, turn and look at the freshers.

Natalie gasps, then her eyes narrow.

Natalie: Oh, so I'm stupid? Then how come you rely on me to save your ass? Mister Mop did more to help me today than you did!
Jake: Hello? Maybe -
Natalie: Shut up!

Natalie and Matthew storm off in different directions.

Jake: ... Well, I'm glad that's all out in the open...
William: Uh... yeah. I'll catch him up. I've got work to do at the lab anyway.
Andy: Don't do anything you'll regret in the morning.
William: ... I think it's a bit late for that already.
Jake: Uh... yeah. How's that going? The research.
William: Um. Looks like that weapon isn't gonna work.
Jake: Right.

--
Emma catches up with Natalie. She waves her off and carries on, towards the bar.

--
William finds Matthew pacing around outside the office.

William: Hey.
Matthew: God, she's so... pig-headed...!

--
Jake finds Emma, who points to Natalie standing at the bar, money in hand.

Jake: Why don't you tell him? Don't make the same mistakes I made.
Natalie: Shut up, Jake.

He glances sidelong at Emma watching him, looks down at the cross around his neck, and shakes his head. Natalie ignores him as she downs her second double vodka and orange.

Emma: You're...
Jake: I'll make sure she gets home.

--
William: Come on, maybe this'll make you feel better. Since I helped you with the spell...
Matthew: What is it?

They stand in William's lab, as Will pulls the tarp off the gate and fires up the computers and power systems attached to it.

William: Emma said we have a couple days until the dimensional barriers completely recover, so this seems like a good time to try and lock in on Ziggy.

Matthew nods along until the last part.

Matthew: ... Who's Ziggy?
William: Uh... he's someone we lost. And I think we can get him back. Unlike... uh, anyway, press these three switches when I give the signal...

--
Jake gets Natalie to the door before she leans against it and starts to cry.

Jake: Come on.
Natalie: ... kay...

She stumbles slightly and he holds her up.

--
William shuts off the power supply to the crackling portal and lowers his goggles. The dimension door hisses and steams, and no-one comes through as the portal shuts off.

Matthew: Is that it?
William: I don't... I thought something more interesting would happen.

--
And we cut to a small graveyard in a village called Stapleford, about twenty miles outside of Cambridge.

A low rumble starts, the tree overlooking the Blackhurst family plot shakes, and the graveyard is lit up as if the sun rose at midnight.

The night sky splits in two with a flash of white light in the air above the grave - and a figure tumbles out of the blinding portal with a startled cry.

Figure: Whoaaa!

We can see that she is wearing a black jacket over a formal navy dress.

She lands heavily on the most recent grave, facing the headstone. She gasps in surprise as she reads the name on the stone - Millicent Cornelia Elizabeth Blackhurst - and stumbles back. She pushes her black hair back behind her ears as she looks around, revealing a familiar face with a shocked expression...

Milli: Okay... this is so not funny. Wait till I tell Escher - someone's getting such a kicking for this!

CREDITS!
Special Guest Star Sophia Myles
WHOAAA!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time on The Watch House:

Everyone staring at Milli.

Milli: What is going on?

The next episode of The Watch House is Forgotten.

--
DVD Commentary

Craig: Oh yes. She's back.

[Varyar]

Craig: Oh yes. She's back.

WHOAAA!

Good stuff.

Someone better deliver a clue-by-four to Natalie and Matthew, stat.

[ScottL]

Wow.

As always, it is genius. Thank you for posting.

"This is Mr. Mop. He needs beer or he will die." I love it!

And Milli! Milli! Not what I was expecting at all... (Though I do remember a scene way back with Ziggy finally coming out of a portal a few years after he went in, don't I?)

Is the person who played Milli back in the game again?

[Craig Oxbrow]

Is the person who played Milli back in the game again?
Yup. As of, er, February. (These writeups are taking a while...)

[Varyar]

Yup. As of, er, February. (These writeups are taking a while...)

Wow, you're writing them from the future?




oh.

;)

[Craig Oxbrow]

Wow, you're writing them from the future?




oh.

;)
Quite.

Of course, that still isn't my record for sitting on a secret plot twist in a Buffy game. (That'd be Bewitched, Bothered And Be Wieber.) Close, though...

The players had a couple weeks' advance word.

[Varyar]

Quite.

Of course, that still isn't my record for sitting on a secret plot twist in a Buffy game. (That'd be Bewitched, Bothered And Be Wieber.) Close, though...

Ah, good times :)

The players had a couple weeks' advance word.

That kinda ruins the fun, but yeah, it'd be a bit tricky to completely spring it on them.

[colbabe]

Jake: I didn't realise this stuff came in half pints...
Well that's a nice reversal of Pippin's line in the Prancing Pony. ;)

[colbabe]

Craig: Oh yes. She's back.
Just in case it hasn't been said already...

YAAAY! :D

[Craig Oxbrow]

Well that's a nice reversal of Pippin's line in the Prancing Pony. ;)
Sometimes we are almost erudite.

And sometimes we hit monsters with Range Rovers.

Just in case it hasn't been said already...

YAAAY! :D
We'll take that as approval, then. :)

[Coffee_Lifeform]

Just in case it hasn't been said already...

YAAAY! :D

:D

Aw, you say that like she was more than a two-dimensional kicking/pining machine! Cheers!

It is great to be back, though.

[colbabe]

Aw, you say that like she was more than a two-dimensional kicking/pining machine! Cheers!
It's the way she kicks and pines. ;)

I'm so guest-starring in this series when I go to Scotland. Not that Milli isn't a big drawcard or anything, but John would fall for her in a heartbeat.

[Coffee_Lifeform]

I'm so guest-starring in this series when I go to Scotland. Not that Milli isn't a big drawcard or anything, but John would fall for her in a heartbeat.

Oooh, shiny! When are you coming over?

[colbabe]

Looks like I'll be over next year, if all goes to plan. :cool:

[Craig Oxbrow]

Looks like I'll be over next year, if all goes to plan. :cool:
Well, she's seen it, you've got no choice now...

[Coffee_Lifeform]

Well, she's seen it, you've got no choice now...

*nods emphatically*

It's true, it's true.

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.19: Forget

Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control
Matthew: shy bookish Prentice fresher lovelorn over Natalie
Natalie: socialite Prentice fresher starting to take Matthew less for granted

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster

Milli: maverick Watcher in training who died last summer... and just came back

--
Previously on The Watch House:

Milli kicking a vampire in the face, throwing a dagger into a demon's throat, beheading another vampire with her enchanted sword, and pining over Jake.

Milli dying in William and Escher's arms as Jake looks on.

Jake gripping Milli's cross necklace as he fights vampires.

Matthew casting a spell.

Natalie and Matthew yelling at each other.

Natalie: Maybe I'm not on your exalted academic level -
Matthew: You know you wouldn't have made it here if you weren't a Watcher.

William, with Matthew in attendance, firing up a dimensional portal.

William: We have a couple days until the dimensional barriers completely recover, so this seems like a good time to try and lock in on Ziggy...

Jake supporting Natalie as she stumbles home drunk.

And Milli falling through a dimensional rift and landing on her own grave, very much alive.

--
We open with Milli. She steps away from what would appear to be her own grave, glaring as she looks around.

Milli: Okay... this is so not funny. Wait till I tell Escher - someone's getting such a kicking for this!

She pauses and looks around.

Milli: ... Where am I...?

As well as having black hair, she's a lot more dressed up than she usually was, wearing a black jacket over a navy dress and high heels and carrying a handbag, a small stud in her nostril although the hole is there and just one dangly earring in each ear. A silver ring on her left thumb. No cross necklace.

But the determined expression definitely looks like her. She reaches into the bag and roots around.

Milli: Where's that phone...

She pulls out a pair of ballet shoes.

Milli: Bad enough I had to go to the ballet with my bloody parents... was nice of Darcy Bussell to give me her worn-out shoes when they took me backstage, but... almost unarmed...

She shakes her head in annoyance, retrieves her phone and jabs at the speed dial keys, then picks up the holdall that fell with her.

--
We cut to her getting out of a cab across the street from King's College, looking both ways as she crosses the road.

The camera follows her... tracking her, like someone else's point-of-view. And as we cut away to see her enter the History building, we catch a glimpse of something following her. Something transparent. With wings.

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Special guest star Sophia Myles

And we cut to the office, inside, as the door opens. Everyone looks up as... Matthew and Jake come in. Jake drops a bag of weapons by the door. Matthew is wearing Jake's jacket.

Jake: You gotta get used to the weight.
Matthew: I understand that, it's just... this thing's so heavy.
Jake: Look, you need armour, right? You're not gonna be throwing barrier spells around. Are you?
Matthew: ... no...
Jake: I know, it's not a duffel coat, but it works.
Matthew: What's wrong with a duffel coat?

Natalie, huddled in a fencing club sweatshirt, glances at them briefly, and then quickly turns her attention to a book on demonic anatomy. She sits in the corner, reading intensely and drinking water. Matthew looks sideways at her, then stomps off to the kitchen. She rubs her forehead once he's out of sight and reaches for a bottle of paracetamol.

William shakes his head at them, and approaches Andy.

Andy: Yeah. Here it is. Logged all the changes, and all the patrols.
William: Thanks.
Andy: This time I will always be prepared!
William: ... Quite. Did you document every instance?
Jake: Can't you tell?
William My memory isn't quite as sharp as Matthew's.

As William looks through it, Jake picks up another book from the desk and goes to sit by Natalie.

Jake: Y'alright?

Natalie groans.

Jake: Coffee?
Natalie: Urgh. How did I get home exactly? I remember the bar... then my bed.
Jake: You must have teleported.
Natalie: Right...

There's a knock at the door... and Emma comes in. She's wearing a jogging top and jeans, and has her hair up. She heads straight towards the coffee machine.

She steps into something, and looks down at William's bag of weapons, lying at her feet.

Emma: Y'know, a normal person could come in and see this...
Andy: And? It's not our room.
Emma: No, it's Mister Escher's room.

She glances at Jake sitting by Natalie, and quickly goes over to Escher, carrying the bag with her.

Andy does his best to ignore everyone as he flicks through a math textbook.

Emma: I was thinking about this whole thing you told me about the dimensional portals. Chances are there'll still be some residue.

William looks up...

Jake: That's not good.
Escher: Possibly. Were you going to try a locator spell?
Andy: Residuals? Like we have to pay the dimensions' water bills?

William looks down again, pocketing Andy's diary as he heads to the kitchen to avoid Escher's gaze.

Jake rests a hand on Natalie's arm.

Jake: You should really talk to him, you know.
Natalie: Why, exactly?

William finds Matthew looking at his reflection in the mirror over the sink, turning up the collar of Jake's jacket. He tuts.

And then the door opens.

Natalie: Well, he... uh...

Milli looks at everyone. Everyone looks at Milli.

And then a transparent shape swoops through the room, passing through her, and then circling to move through everyone before flying out right through the wall. Everyone is left immobile and mute...

A moment later, everyone blinks and looks around. Clearly very confused.

Escher: Who are all you people?

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Milli blinks and looks around. She's standing in the door of some kind of office, looking at a middle-aged man behind a desk, a young man and woman sitting together, a young woman standing holding a heavy sports bag next to another young man, and a third young man sitting looking at a maths textbook. There's a holdall by her feet, but she's only holding a small handbag.

Milli: Oh, uh... sorry. Wrong... room...
Jake: What are you looking for, Miss?
Milli: I...
Jake: Because... I'm sorry if I'm talking out of place here, but... who are you guys?
Andy: Good question.
Escher: I already asked that.
William: Obviously you all have amnesia.
Andy: Oh... oh yeah? Says you...

Another young man, in a leather jacket, comes in and looks around, bemused.

Matthew: You know, you've got a lot of weird stuff in these books.
Emma: Don't look at me. Or... maybe do.

She shrugs.

Natalie glances at Jake, who has a hand on her arm, and then down at herself. She looks at her top, tilting her head to read upside-down.

Natalie: Aha! I fence! And my name is... Natalie.
William: Oh yeah. ID!
Natalie: I fence. And I sound like this. I'm posh!

She opens her handbag and pulls out a wallet.

Natalie: See? I go to Cambridge!
Milli: I think I'm posh too.

She pauses from opening her handbag and looks down at her dress.

Natalie: Do you have a double-barrelled name like mine?

Milli blinks and opens her bag again.

Milli: No... but I have ballet shoes. And my name is Millicent. (blinks) Millicent Elizabeth Cornelia Blackhurst.

Andy looks at himself, and his math textbook.

Andy: I guess I have to hate you guys.
Escher: Not necessarily. You must be here for a reason.
Andy: Well... I'm a student...
William: So am I. History.
Matthew: Me too.
Escher: And... ah... I teach it.
Emma: This must be your room, then. But why am I here? I'm doing English Lit. Uh, hi, Emily Radcliffe.

Matthew rummages around the pockets of the leather jacket.

Matthew: Hey... a plectrum...
Milli: You play guitar?
Matthew: Apparently...

Jake: Ah, here we are. Psychology, second year... my name is... Jackson?
Natalie: That's a nice name. (smiles)
Jake: ... yeah?

Milli compares the size of the ballet shoes from her bag to her own feet. They might fit.

Natalie: So... I'm studying Classics, we've got two history students and a professor -
Escher: Supervisor. Apparently. Is that better?
Natalie: I don't know... and a psychologist, a math student and a Lit student.
Milli: Oh, and Philosophy, and Theology.
Natalie: Maybe we're a society?
Andy: Beer society?
Natalie: That might work. I seem to have a hangover...
Andy: We must have drunk a lot to forget.
Milli: Then why aren't we in the pub?
William: Meeting early?
Jake: Very early. It's eight in the morning.

Milli frowns.

Milli: I think I'm in the wrong place.

Jake glances at her thoughtfully. She looks back with a slight smile.

Natalie: Why?
Milli: Well, I'm all dressed for a night out.
Natalie: Maybe you just got in.
Milli: I don't feel drunk.
Natalie: (quietly) I do...

Emma sits down and opens the bag she was holding. And pulls out a crossbow.

She looks around as everyone turns.

Emma: Uh...
Milli: Nyah!

Milli jumps up, looking scared, and hides behind Matthew.

She moves away quickly, embarrassed. She smoothes her hair down and then folds her hands in front of her.

Emma carefully lowers the crossbow, looking at it nervously.

Matthew: Okay, guys, we need to find out what's going on.

He stands manfully, hands in leather jacket pockets.

Andy: Maybe there are some clues in this room.
Escher: There will be no ransacking of my room... if it is my room...
Natalie: Well, we have to try. I mean, we don't know who we are. And we don't seem like a group that fits. Like... we're at a fancy dress party or something. Even though I'm dressed for jogging.
Milli: I'm not dressed up either. Well, I mean, I'm dressed up, but not in a costume.
Natalie: (points) You have ballet shoes.
Milli: (studies them) They look well used. I must use them a lot more than that.

Matthew looks down and pulls out a packet of cigarettes.

Matthew: Do I smoke?
Milli: Oh, so do I!
Natalie: You do? I don't think a ballerina would smoke.
Milli: ...Maybe it's... just a hobby. Anyway, Matthew, coming out for a smoke?
Matthew: Sure thing. Hey, Emily, try and not shoot anybody, okay?

Jake shakes his head and starts searching his own pockets. He pauses as he retrieves a dangling dressy earring.

And he remembers bringing Natalie home, and her losing the earring as he lays her down on a bed.

He blinks and looks across at her, and at the matching earring in her left ear.

Jake: This must be yours.
Natalie: Why do you have my earring?
Jake: Well... we must know each other.
Milli: Maybe you're a couple? You are sitting pretty close. And you both have that sorta... athletic... scruffy look. (waves at them vaguely)
Natalie: We do? (looks at Jake) I bet we, like, jog together.

Andy, on this cue, looks at his reflection in a nearby window.

Andy: Hey, I'm a good-looking guy... I need a shave though...

Emma is still looking through 'her' bag, glancing around furtively.

Emma: (to herself) Why do I have all these weapons?

William, still near to her, looks at his own selection of clues.

William: I found this diary... something about patrolling? I seem to do that a lot.
Emma: Are you in officer training?
William: I don't think so...

--
Outside, Milli draws close to Matthew as he brings out a Zippo lighter and... tries to light it. He finally manages it, and she lights a cigarette off it before he does.

Milli: So, you play guitar. And I dance.
Matthew: Yeah?
Milli: And we both smoke -
Matthew: (splutters and coughs)
Milli: Are you sure you're okay? You're not looking well...

--
William looks up. Emma puts the bag of weapons down.

William: I seem to have a patrol diary. It, ah, also discusses a wolf.
Jake: Maybe you're in some kind of conservation society.
William: It says 'wolf out' every few days.
Andy: Maybe you're eco-terrorists?

William and Emma turn and look at him, glance at the big bag of weapons, and laugh unconvincingly.

Milli re-enters, followed by the still coughing Matthew.

Matthew: Must have quit. Seems I've fallen off the wagon. (matter-of-fact) Damn amnesia.

Milli: Does anyone else dance?
Jake: Hum a tune and we'll see.
Milli: I mean the ballet...
Natalie: I don't think so...
Jake: We haven't checked all the coats on the rack yet.

Natalie follows him as he goes over to it.

Natalie: So, do you... think you're... my boyfriend then?
Jake: Uh... possibly. Er... this big tweed one is probably yours, Mister Es-chur.
Escher: I'm sure we're saying that wrong...
Jake: And this is a girl's jacket. Must be yours.
Natalie: Thank you, honey. (pauses, considers) Okay, I probably don't call you 'honey'.

Jake picks up the last remaining jacket, Matthew's.

Jake: Pair of glasses... my eyesight's pretty good... and... comics?
Natalie: Oh no... I wouldn't be dating a nerd. I mean, I fence!
Matthew: Maybe you're posh and nerdy?
Natalie: Oh, don't be ridiculous, Matthew.

He blinks, glancing around as if experiencing déjà vu.

Jake: Or maybe it belongs to... someone else?

Everyone shrugs. Matthew steps back, and trips over the bag by Emma's feet.

She yelps as it falls open, and a selection of weapons fall out, plus a gas mask.

Matthew: Hey...
Andy: She must be a terrorist!
Jake: That'd explain the gas mask.
Emma: But -
Andy: Maybe she gassed us!
William: I'm sure that's not it -
Andy: Yeah! A memory-sucking gas!
Escher: Everybody keep calm -
Natalie: We should tie them up -

William grabs the crossbow.

William: (shouting) Everybody stay back!

Milli screams girlishly and hides behind Matthew again.

Everyone backs away as Emma retrieves a pistol crossbow and joins William.

Matthew: What do we do?
Escher: I have no idea...
Jake: You must be tough, got a leather jacket and all.
Matthew: It... er, yeah... guess so...

Matthew adjusts the leather jacket as William and Emma move closer together, side by side, watching everyone else as they talk.

Emma: You don't really think we're terrorists, do you?
William: It wouldn't be my first thought...

Matthew steps forwards. Milli clings to his arm, then backs away, hands close to her chest.

Matthew: Now, let's try and... hey look, he's on fire!

William looks slightly more confused than he has all episode. Then Jake charges and grabs his arm. Natalie runs after him, and grabs Emma's crossbow. She pushes her back and takes it, waving it around wildly.

Everyone ducks.

Jake: Okay, sweetie, put it down.
Natalie: Somebody tie them up.
Milli: You do it! I'm not going near her. She's... she talks funny and -
Emma: I do?
William: She's Scottish! Shut up!
Emma: I am?
Milli: Don't tell me to shut up you... mean... big guy... you!
Jake: Hands where we can see them.
Milli: You must be the sports nerds or something.
Natalie: That was so brave.
Jake: Uh...

She puts a hand on his arm. He blinks.

Matthew picks up an axe, struggles to hold it, sets it down, and picks up a pistol crossbow.

Milli: Now, don't try anything, or he'll shoot.
Matthew: (unconvincingly) Yeah...

William charges and grabs the end of the bolt, pulling it out of the crossbow.

Matthew panics and smacks him in the chest with the crossbow.

William: Ow...

--
Jake and Natalie cover Escher as he ties William and Emma to two chairs with rope from the bag of weapons.

Andy: Right, that's all sorted then...

Andy wanders off.

Milli: This doesn't make sense. If they lost their memories after gassing us, why would they know to come here?
Escher: They were in the room, Miss Blackhurst. You were at the door.
Milli: Maybe I interrupted them? Or... I was just coming in to hang with Matthew.

She grabs Matthew's arm and wraps both of hers around it.

William: Or maybe you don't know any more than the rest of us!
Milli: (faltering) That's... (angrily) you're just trying to divide us!
William: You think you're really with Macho Action Fresher Boy here?
Milli: Matthew's into that kind of thing. He's all tough and cool, and rugged... and -
Emma: (angrily) He's shorter than you!
Milli: That's... that's... only because I'm wearing high heels! Ha!
Emma: Which you probably wear all the time, princess!
Milli: Actually, my feet are getting kind of sore... Can I sit down, sir?
Escher: Of course, Miss.

She sits very properly.

Milli: Anyway, we're not the mysteries here.
Emma: Yes you are, you dozy little cheerleader!
Milli: I'm not a - I'm pretty sure I'm not a - Cambridge doesn't have those - shut up!
Emma: Make me!
Matthew: Damn women!
Milli, Emma and Natalie: What?
Matthew: Let a man think! (off their look, shrinking) Uh... sorry...
Jake: Hey, don't take that tone with he-er... them!

Milli stands up again, retrieves a handkerchief and moves to gag Emma.

William tries to kick her away. She backs off.

Milli: I wouldn't advise kicking with Matthew around.

He glares at her and she retreats fearfully.

He turns to Emma and mutters quietly.

William: I think I've figured it out.
Emma: What?
William: I'm a werewolf!
Emma: Again I say... what?

She does her best to turn around so she can look incredulously at him.

William: Keep it quiet. If I can change, I can get us out of here. And it explains why they're so afraid of me, too...
Emma: Erm...

Milli: Uh... so. What have we learned?
Escher: Well, there's a second holdall here. It has... a short sword inside it.

He holds it up. Milli stares at it for a moment, then shrugs it off.

Milli: It must be hers then.
Matthew: Makes sense.
Milli: I'm so glad you're here. Because this is all very distressing...
Natalie: Er... yeah. Why don't you sit down again...
Jake: He said something about 'wolf out'.
Natalie: And he's got a tranquilliser gun!
Matthew: What do we know about wolf hunting?
Milli: (thinks) ... Nothing?
Natalie: Maybe it's a code. Maybe they call themselves wolves. Or their targets. We're wolves?
Andy: Werewolves? That doesn't sound very likely...

Andy returns. Clean shaven.

Natalie: No, I said - oh, you've shaved...
Andy: Better?
Natalie: Looks kind of... odd on you.
Jake: It does, yeah...
Andy: ... oh.
Natalie: How did you know where to go to clean up, anyway?
Andy: I went to the chemist. And the butcher along the road was yelling at me as well...

Milli looks around.

Milli: I suspect I don't get along very well with your friends.
Natalie: Why not?
Milli: Well, I'm obviously more social than you. You know, more interesting.
Emma: (shouting across) We're highly dangerous over here!
Milli: Nobody asked you...

She looks back to the others.

Milli: I mean, clearly I don't belong. I must have just walked into this... madhouse of freaks and geeks.
Natalie: (huffily) Oh, thank you very much. For all you know, I could be head girl of the university fencing team. That's very prestigious, and... also, tough!
Emma: (smirking) Yeah, you could totally kick our asses, bottle blonde!

Natalie stares aghast at Emma.

Natalie: Why didn't you gag her?
Milli: (defensively) He was there. He got all kicky...

Jake: So, now we've captured some very... (hunting for a word)... them... where do we go now?
Milli: Call the police?
Natalie: Go home?
Jake: I dunno where to go.
Matthew: How about the pub? I could do with a beer.
Milli: I'll come with you. Get some... bubbly, or something.
Jake: Yeah, you and your knight in shining armour can go.
Milli: Fine, Jackson. (mutters) 'Jackson'. No wonder he ended up a nerd.
Natalie: (seething) We should go too. Make sure they don't get lost.
Jake: I still don't know where my jacket is.
Milli: The one with the glasses and all the comics?
Jake: But I don't need glasses...
Milli: Always so argumentative. (to Natalie) I know it must be hard, finding someone on your level...
Natalie: Bet he can't even find his guitar.
Milli: Bet he can!
Jake: He can't even smoke his own cigs! ... And his jacket doesn't really fit him...

He looks like he's figuring something out...

Matthew: I must be carrying them for her!
Milli: For me? So sweet...

She kisses him on the cheek. He looks slightly puzzled, then looks pleased with himself.

Jake and Natalie roll their eyes.

Jake: I think he's just playing tough for her. Just 'cause she's pretty. And not as pretty as you.

She grins.

Behind them, William and Emma roll their eyes.

William: I think this is our chance.
Emma: (flatly) Bill, this better not be the werewolf thing again.
William: Well, it's not like anything else makes sense.
Emma: Yes, but really. Monsters? What else? Magic is real?
William: Well -
Emma: Don't be silly.

--
Milli stands.

Milli: I am going to make coffee. Or tea. Would anyone like some?

She grabs Natalie and pulls her along.

Milli: Look. Natalie. May I call you Natalie?
Natalie: I... guess it's my name...
Milli: We must be friends.
Natalie: Doesn't seem like it.
Milli: And we shouldn't let men ruin our friendship.
Natalie: Uh... right...

Milli smiles at her sweetly as they head back out.

Jake: So, what was that about?
Natalie: Oh, noth-
Milli: Your girlfriend happens to be a close friend of mine.
Jake: She does?... You do?
Natalie: Er -
Andy: Hey, maybe she's really my girlfriend?

Natalie laughs. Andy looks dejected.

Jake: Yeah... maybe we both fence.
Andy: Are you... flexible?
Jake: Watch that kind of talk.

He touches his toes.

Jake: Guess I am.

Milli watches him show off, brow furrowed, then shrugs it off.

Escher: (groaning) Oh good, another round of uncertain macho posturing.
Jake: Ah, well, it's because we don't know our actual social situation.
William: (snidely) He is a psych student.
Emma: (as snidely) He must be the alpha male.
Milli: No way! Matthew is!
Matthew: Er... yeah! I've got the jacket to prove it!
Jake: Come on. This infighting is getting us nowhere.
Escher: Not that we have a bloody clue where we should be getting...
Andy: Hospital!
Jake: We have to pull together. This is all very wrong.
Milli: Well, not everything.

She puts her arm around him.

Matthew: Er -
Jake: But still...
Emma: How do you know?
Jake: I dunno, maybe I'm psy-
Milli: I get a feeling it's her fault.
Emma: Hey!
William: And I second that hey!
Milli: Come on, you obviously aren't the brains of the operation.
William: But -
Milli: Fine, you can be a 'they'...
William: Gee, thanks -
Milli: Maybe this was their plan all along! They confuse us, and they've been setting us against each other!
Emma: (archly) Does our evil know no bounds?
Natalie: Let's find out!

She grabs the bag and hauls it over, pulling out sets of crossbow bolts, throwing knives, and a taser.

William: What is that ridiculous-looking thing?
Escher: Haven't the foggiest.
Milli: Maybe you shouldn't touch it. It might go off or something...

The taser hums ominously as we...

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Natalie walks the floor, pointing out starting locations.

Natalie: So, they were in, you were just getting here -
Milli: Visiting Matthew.
Matthew: Who is here because...
William: Of history.
Jake: No contributing from you two.
Milli: Maybe I was smoking. Or I had to fix my makeup.
Natalie: You do seem the sort. (quietly) I don't.
Milli: Something we should work on. (sympathetically) You could be so pretty if you put in a little effort...
Natalie: Er... thanks...

She returns to the bag, looks inside, and pulls out a laptop computer.

Milli: Aha! Now we'll get to the truth of your evil plans!
Natalie: It needs a password.
Milli: ... Damn.
Matthew: So, what is it then?
William: How should I know? We have amnesia! Remember?
Milli: Well... maybe you're... faking! (points accusingly) Big, faker... guys!

Andy: Hey, why are terrorists carrying holy water?
Matthew: They did attack a room full of books about...
Natalie: Demons?
Milli: (frightened) Where?
Natalie: In the book I was reading. Hey. Maybe we're like a mythology society. And they think it's real!
Emma: (raises a hand as far as she can) Hey, I don't.
William: ...

Jake taps his fingers on the desktop nervously.

Matthew: Hey, maybe you're the drummer in my band?
Milli: You have a band? (beams) Of course you have a band. Hey, are we starting to remember?
Matthew: And it would explain why I know him.
Milli: Well, you know him through my friend Natalie and I.

Natalie still looks less than entirely sold on this idea.

Natalie: I wonder how we met.
Jake: Well... maybe we were in the library. Our eyes met, we didn't say anything... because, in the library...

Andy: Actually, it looks more like he needs a smoke.
Jake: Maybe I quit the same time Matt did.
Andy: Hey, give him a smoke...

Matthew hands over his smoking accoutrements, and digs into a trouser pocket for his lighter. And retrieves a small bag of herbs.

Andy: Hey! This guy's a dealer!
Milli: Er... I didn't think I liked boys that[i] bad.
Matthew: But -
Milli: It's okay... I can... handle it... it's quite [i]glamorous...
Matthew: It is...? Hey, this stuff affects your memory…
Milli: Maybe everybody here got very stoned...
Natalie: I rather doubt it -
Milli: Matthew, I'm okay with it -
Emma: Have you always been such a pushover?
Natalie: This is why I don't like your boyfriend!
Milli: Oh come on, it's not like he sells drugs to children or anything! (quietly) Do you?
Matthew: I don't think so -
Milli: Maybe you're... holding it for a friend?
William: Or to fund terrorism!
Natalie: Shut up!
Milli: Yes! I love him as he is!
Matthew: !!?! Did you say the L word?
Milli: Well... yes!
Matthew: ... That's... nice...

Matthew looks at her uncertainly, and opens the bag.

Matthew: I think it's... sage...
Milli: You can cook, too? (sighs quietly) What a man...

Jake and Natalie roll their eyes again. So do William and Emma. Escher just shakes his head.

Matthew: Okay. We need to get to the bottom of this. You, get the... big electric gun thing...
Emma: Don't -
Milli: See, he's not bad. He's sensitive.
Matthew: Oh, hey, I have a notebook. Looks like... music. And...
Jake: Music?

He looks thoughtful as opposed to puzzled for a moment.

Milli: It's a song?
Matthew: Mentions the name 'Milli'.
Milli: He's written a song about me!
Jake: 'Milli'?!
Milli: Well, it must be a pet name...
Jake: Maybe I go by 'Jack'...

He considers this, and shakes his head. Milli narrows her eyes, then looks confused again.

Jake: So, ah, how does this song go?
Milli: I can't remember, strangely enough.
Matthew: ... Can't read my own writing.
Andy: Give it to me. Ba da daa da... no, I'm not a singer.
Emma: On second thoughts, could you shoot me now?

Jake mouths along, going a few notes further than Andy does, as if almost remembering. Then Milli snatches the piece of paper back off Andy and puts it into her handbag.

Jake: This all seems familiar.
Emma: (snappish) Maybe because we all have amnesia?
Escher: We should call a doctor.
Milli: But Matthew's been doing drugs.
Matthew: Well, not actually -
Jake: Until we sort this out, we should keep an open mind -
Emma: So will you untie us then?
Milli: Not that open.
William: Bloody hell.
Jake: Do you promise not to draw weapons?
William: (exasperated) ... yes...
Jake: Right then.

He goes over to loosen the ropes, and William charges him.

Matthew grabs the taser and fires.

Hitting Jake.

Jake gets thrown fifteen feet.

Matthew: Oops.
Natalie: (shrieking) You tasered my boyfriend! No wonder I don't like you!
Milli: Hey, he was trying to protect us!
Natalie: (angrily) Made a bloody good job of it!

She pulls Jake away and outside.

Andy runs up and blocks William's path. Will elbows him in the ribs. Emma scrambles for a weapon, finding a heavy club.

Escher: Could we please stop fighting?
Milli: Make them stop!
Escher: (muttering) Well, obviously no-one ever listens to me...

Milli charges in and flails at William with her handbag. He just looks at her funny.

As Escher springs to his feet, Emma smacks him on the side of the head.

William picks up his axe and they stand back to back.

Emma: Okay. Will someone please tell me what is going on?
Demon: My cue.

Everyone looks at the door. And at the translucent, winged being standing there.

Milli: Aaaaagh!

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Milli points and screams like Fay Wray.

William reacts to the demon more calmly than average - raising his axe and yelling at it rather than just yelling.

William: Who-what are you and what are you doing here?
Demon: I'd be a Mnemos Demon. And... I'd be killing you.
William: I must disagree with you there... and so must my axe.

William raises his axe - then Matthew charges in front of him. Milli flails ineffectually at his back as he goes. The thing moves and bats him aside.

Milli: Are you okay?
Matthew: Which way did he go... and which way is up?

Emma: I recall you said something about being a werewolf?
William: Right. Um... (snarls, clenches fists) Grrr! (stops) Okay, that isn't working...

Matthew: I can stand.
Milli: Are you sure? Oooh... I have some makeup that can cover that bruise...

--
Natalie sets Jake down on the bench outside the practice room. His eyes open and he groans. Natalie looks around furtively, then kisses him. The music swells -

--
Andy smacks the demon with one of the spare clubs. It growls at him and he backs off. Blinking.

Matthew charges back in, knife in hand, cuts it - and sees a brief flash of himself brandishing a cross at a vampire.

Matthew: What the h-

The demon knocks him back again.

Matthew: I saw... I have this wooden thing in my hand...
Milli: (confused) No you don't...

William swings his axe and slams it into the demon's arm - and blinks as he sees himself using the same axe to behead a vampire.

William: What was that?
Emma: What was what?
William: I saw... something.
Milli: You stabbed it and saw things? ... This is a really weird history department.

Milli takes the knife and advances, holding it as far in front of herself as possible.

The demon turns its gaze on her, looking amused.

Demon: Child... are you sure you want to know?
Milli: ... What?

And with that, she cuts it across the arm.

She blinks and stumbles back.

Demon: Well. Now you know. And a little knowledge can be -

The demon is interrupted by Andy smacking it on the back of the head.

This gives Milli time to get to the holdall by the door and open it. She reaches in without looking and retrieves the short sword from inside. She hefts it casually, getting a good grip, and smiles slightly.

--
Jake stirs again.

Natalie: Uh... hi. You were... tasered by Matthew.
Jake: Yeah. And... you kissed me?

She flushes. He smiles slightly, takes her in his arms and kisses her deeply. The music rises again -

--
William looks at Milli warily as she kicks off her shoes and straightens up.

William: Are you sure you should be doing that?
Milli: Maybe we're drama students.

She cuts at the demon, and it jumps back, out into the corridor.

Natalie and Jake stare at it. Then Jake sits up and kicks it.

Jake: Hey, I saw... some kind of... thing...

The demon snarls, unfurls its wings, and swoops towards Milli.

Emma: Put your back into it, girl!

She pauses, chooses her moment - and then Matthew rams a sword into its chest.

It veers off its course and lands on the desk as Matthew shakes his head to clear it.

--
Jake: I'm sure I can handle this.
Natalie: Really? Well... after you.

She gives him a peck on the cheek. He runs inside, grabs Matthew's discarded knife, and hits the demon in the arm. It hisses, and he ducks as it swings.

Jake: I'm not a geek! Maybe I'm a fencer too!
Natalie: Let me try!
Jake: There's like a rack of weapons here!

Natalie nods, heads for the open bag, and the demon leaps into the air at her. Jake grabs her and pulls her aside. They roll together, she smiles and kisses him...

And the demon flies into Milli's swing and she cuts its head off.

It evaporates in a flash of white light, and strands of light fly out of it into everyone's foreheads.

Jake and Natalie pause mid-kiss, eyes opening wide and looking at each other.

They leap apart like someone passed a current between them.

Jake and Natalie: Ewww!

Matthew rather sheepishly takes off Jake's jacket and hands it back to him. He sidesteps over and takes it, not looking anyone in the eye.

Emma runs over to check on Escher.

Emma: Oh God, I'm sorry, are you okay?
Escher: I've had better mornings...

Andy: Hey, you're not a werewolf! I am!
William: ... Yes, I figured that out.

Milli lowers her sword and looks around.

Milli: Oh. Well... what am I wearing?!
Jake: ... Milli?

She looks up at him and her eyes widen in shock.

And then she raises her sword and charges.

TO BE CONTINUED
GRR! ARG!

[Varyar]

Milli points and screams like Fay Wray.

:D

[quote=Craig Oxbrow]TO BE CONTINUED
GRR! ARG!

Oh, you fiend.

That is not quite how I saw the episode going based on the end of the last one. :)

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time on The Watch House:

Milli: He's a monster!

Escher: Milli... I was there when you died. I helped to carry your coffin...

Milli: I have to prove it to them. Jake has to die.

The next episode of The Watch House is Remember.

--
Publicity stills:

New-look Milli (http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b175/craigoxbrow/319Milli.jpg)

--
DVD Commentary

(Milli storms up)
Craig: This episode came about because Milli's back, and Cat's back, but she didn't want to jump right back into play without letting the new members of the cast see how she plays. The memory-sucking demon was a handy McGuffin, and it fitted to have it follow Milli through the portal.

(Matthew comes in wearing Jake's jacket)
Craig: Between this, the werewolf diary and Milli's outfit, we used a few tricks to make some of the cast think they were different people.
Cat: It's about first impressions. If you don't know who you are, you'll tend to assume you are what you look like. How we normally view other people.
Craig: We also choreographed things so that Jake and Natalie were sitting close together and Emma was holding a big bag of weapons.
Cat: Milli the Girl. Always funny.
Craig: People just joining us with season three are going to be really confused by her...
Cat: We'll have to include a lot of flashbacks.

(Jake finds Natalie's earring)
Craig: The earring flashback was, of course, a vision, but Jake didn't know that.

(Jake and Natalie kiss)
Cat: That's so cute!
Derek: It was your idea!
Cat: Well, yeah...

--
Actual Play bit

As I said on the DVD, Cat didn't want to dive straight into Milli-related plot shenanigans before the newer players got to see her play style, so I effectively ran a one-shot where nobody played their 'normal' characters after the setup. I came up with some of the mistaken identity cheats, the players came up with more, some beforehand (Milli's outfit) and some during the session (the lunar phase diary). I gave them all handouts with descriptions of their personal effects as well. Everyone rose to the occasion, as I now expect them to.

[Craig Oxbrow]

Oh, you fiend.

That is not quite how I saw the episode going based on the end of the last one. :)
Nigh-rational explanation above. (What were you expecting?)

[Varyar]

Nigh-rational explanation above. (What were you expecting?)

I dunno, but not a funny amnesia episode :) The explanation makes sense, tho'. Good stuff.

[Coffee_Lifeform]

Emma: This must be your room, then. But why am I here? I'm doing English Lit. Uh, hi, Emily Radcliffe.


I never did ask why we call her Emma if her name's Emily, did I? I know I meant to...

[Craig Oxbrow]

I never did ask why we call her Emma if her name's Emily, did I? I know I meant to...
Out of character, because she was introduced a week after the game started and it hadn't really sunk in that one of the stars of the show was going by the similar-enough-to-confuse name Milli...

And Emma can be short for Emily, as well as being a full name by itself, can't it?

I think...

[Coffee_Lifeform]

Out of character, because she was introduced a week after the game started and it hadn't really sunk in that one of the stars of the show was going by the similar-enough-to-confuse name Milli...


I guess Emma could be short for Emily, it's just not usually done - was there any IC reason for it?

[Craig Oxbrow]

I guess Emma could be short for Emily, it's just not usually done - was there any IC reason for it?
Um... how about... she likes it?

There, that'll do! :D

[ScottL]

I have to say, I'd been hoping that Emma and Jake would get back together again some day.

Milli's return puts a damper on that possibility... (Especially if she kills Jake!)

Poor Emma.

[Coffee_Lifeform]

Milli's return puts a damper on that possibility...


But the crux of the Jake & Milli relationship was that nothing ever actually happened between them, so there's hope for our Emily yet!

:D

[ScottL]

But the crux of the Jake & Milli relationship was that nothing ever actually happened between them, so there's hope for our Emily yet!

:DOh sure, there's hope for Emma, but Jake's been pining over dead-Milli for months. And now she's back! He practically has to try to get together with her now.

But you already know what happened... you guys are several months ahead of us RPG.netters! Ah, well. I'll just have to be patient.

(Grr...) ;)

[Coffee_Lifeform]

Oh sure, there's hope for Emma, but Jake's been pining over dead-Milli for months. And now she's back! He practically has to try to get together with her now.


But he's already had a go with Emma, and it didn't really work out for him...although she does feel differently about the whole thing. Is that why you'd like to see them back together?

[Craig Oxbrow]

But you already know what happened... you guys are several months ahead of us RPG.netters! Ah, well. I'll just have to be patient.

(Grr...) ;)
You might well think that. I couldn't possibly comment.

[SirJalinth]

YAY! More Watch House! This has been a very good Week. First more Shadow Creek, then more Watch House PLUS I was able to get in a Table-Top game this weekend. So unless I win a couple million dollars next week, I think my Month has been capped. :)

*Does Happy Dance*

As I said over at Shadow Creek these posts have been great. Better then many novels I've read, and I read a hell of a lot. POST MORE NOW!!!!! :)

I guess Emma could be short for Emily, it's just not usually done - was there any IC reason for it?

Well, I have seen it done. The Girl's aunt was named Emily as well so she went by Emma. Apparently she had been doing so since about age 6.

[Random Nerd]

And Emma can be short for Emily, as well as being a full name by itself, can't it?

I think...


'Course it can. Same as Bill for William, or whatever. For instance, when I was in grade school, there were two Emilys in the class, so one went by Emma.

[ScottL]

But he's already had a go with Emma, and it didn't really work out for him...although she does feel differently about the whole thing. Is that why you'd like to see them back together?Pretty much.

I felt like Jake never really gave his relationship with Emma a chance. On the other hand, it also seems that he just doesn't feel for her the way that she (still) does for him. So I suppose I should really wish that Emma can get over it and move on.

It was also a surprise that Milli's return was sideswiped by amnesia... I was getting ready to read everyone's reactions to her return, and instead things take a jog to the left. :) It was kinda fun.

[Craig Oxbrow]

Pretty much.

I felt like Jake never really gave his relationship with Emma a chance. On the other hand, it also seems that he just doesn't feel for her the way that she (still) does for him. So I suppose I should really wish that Emma can get over it and move on.

It was also a surprise that Milli's return was sideswiped by amnesia... I was getting ready to read everyone's reactions to her return, and instead things take a jog to the left. :) It was kinda fun.
We'll cover the reactions and such next week. As for Emma moving on... I couldn't possibly comment.

[Coffee_Lifeform]

As I said over at Shadow Creek these posts have been great. Better then many novels I've read, and I read a hell of a lot. POST MORE NOW!!!!! :)


You heard the man, Mr Oxbrow... ;)

[BillChuck]

You heard the man, Mr Oxbrow... ;)

You folks, and Beth and her crowd are just going to have to play 24x7 and keep us knee deep in quality AP posts. :D

[BethDragon]

You folks, and Beth and her crowd are just going to have to play 24x7 and keep us knee deep in quality AP posts. :D
:D Well, Shadow Creek plays once a week usually and it is now one session into the next episode, so that'll be a wait.

Cassverse is once every two weeks, but we've been having trouble with scheduling. It, however, is about a session away from ending the Anime Episode! (AKA, playtesting Random Anime.)

I may have a new AP thread soon... ;)

And I would like to repeat the request for more Watch House. :)

Beth

[Craig Oxbrow]

You heard the man, Mr Oxbrow... ;)
Yes, Milady...

You folks, and Beth and her crowd are just going to have to play 24x7 and keep us knee deep in quality AP posts. :D
Works for me. Can I borrow someone's laptop? And that "convert speech to text" add-on? Is there a stenographer in the house?

[SirJalinth]

:D Well, Shadow Creek plays once a week usually and it is now one session into the next episode, so that'll be a wait.

Cassverse is once every two weeks, but we've been having trouble with scheduling. It, however, is about a session away from ending the Anime Episode! (AKA, playtesting Random Anime.)

Yippe! More Cassverse Soon! I am bouncing with joy!

Still it’s going to be a painful wait, so I’m going to do my poor best to alleviate the pain everyone is suffering waiting for these people to get on their lazy assets and continue producing more Buffy goodness. :)

Here is the link to the fledgling Actual Play thread (http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?t=242013) of the Buffy game I’m playing in. While it’s just slice of stale bread and some warm water, it should help hold you over till we get more of the roast suckling pig and Kobe Beef that is CtVS, SC, and tWH. :)

Works for me. Can I borrow someone's laptop? And that "convert speech to text" add-on? Is there a stenographer in the house?

Will it mean more Watch House? I'll walk it right over! Now where did you say you lived again? *Looks at Map* Well, since this is not water proof, I'm going to have to go the long way around. First north over the ice then down through Russia into France then take a tunnel to a small, foggy island off the coast. Should be fun. See you in a bit! :-)

[sasori]

Pretty much.

I felt like Jake never really gave his relationship with Emma a chance. On the other hand, it also seems that he just doesn't feel for her the way that she (still) does for him. So I suppose I should really wish that Emma can get over it and move on.


Maybe he didn't, but somtimes you can just tell these things are going nowhere.

[colbabe]

Natalie: Why didn't you gag her?
Milli: (defensively) He was there. He got all kicky...
Bwah-haha! Such delicious irony. Yum!

[Craig Oxbrow]

The Watch House 3.20: Remember

Milli: The maverick Watcher trainee died to save Jake and the others last summer - so why is she here now?
Jake: psychic musician plagued by visions and memories
William: Watcher in training starting to make his own way
Andy: hereditary lycanthrope who assures us he's in control
Matthew: shy bookish Prentice fresher lovelorn over Natalie
Natalie: socialite Prentice fresher starting to take Matthew less for granted

Escher: dour Watchers' tutor
Emma: Jake's ex and a somewhat capable spellcaster
Charlotte: William's civilian former girlfriend, who left because he kept so much from her

--
Previously, on The Watch House:

Milli fighting, throwing a dagger into a demon's throat, beheading a vampire with her sword, and pining over Jake.

Jake possessed by Jacques, the monstrous spirit of his ancestor and the first psychic in his family.

Milli dying in William and Escher's arms as Jake looks on. Closeup on her cross necklace.

Jake gripping Milli's cross, now hanging around his neck, as he fights vampires.

Matthew casting a spell.

Natalie and Matthew yelling at each other.

Natalie: Maybe I'm not on your exalted academic level -
Matthew: You know you wouldn't have made it here if you weren't a Watcher.

William, with Matthew in attendance, firing up a dimensional portal.

William: We have a couple days until the dimensional barriers completely recover, so this seems like a good time to try and lock in on Ziggy...

Jake supporting Natalie as she stumbles home drunk.

Milli falling through a dimensional rift and landing on her own grave, very much alive.

Something following her into Escher's office, a translucent winged being swooping around the room.

William: We have amnesia.

Emma clubbing Escher on the head.

Milli killing the demon.

Everyone staring at Milli.

Jake: ... Milli?

She looks up at him and her eyes widen in surprise. And then she raises her sword and charges.

--
Natalie steps between Milli and Jake.
Milli: Natalie, get behind me! Matt, go right, get ready with a holding spell - Emma, go left, get ready with that barrier spell. Andy, William, you’re the back line in case he gets through us... now go!
Andy: Yeah, baby, I'll get behind you...
Emma: Not now, Andy!
Matthew: What? Holding spell? Who is - ?
William: It's... Milli...
Milli: C'mon guys, get into positions! We practised for this! Matt! Natalie! Go!
Natalie: How do you know my name?

Milli's eyes narrow with rage as she turns to face Jake.

Milli: What did you do to her? To all of them?
Jake: Wh-what?
Milli: Matt, Emma, any time now with those spells! Andy, wolfing out? On my mark...

Andy looks confused, but wolfs out.

Milli: Yes, very good...

Natalie raises a sword, taps it against the point of Milli's.

Natalie: You can't come any further.
Milli: Natalie, get behind me! Remember your training!

Escher gets to his feet, shaking off the fogging from his injury.

Escher: Milli... but... you... can't be...
William: She seems to be alive...
Milli: Why wouldn't I be? Natalie, I said get behind me!
Jake: But... you died...

She blinks, then her eyes narrow again.

Milli: No. You died, lover. And you're gonna die again. Jacques.

CREDITS!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Jake takes a step closer. Milli starts to sidestep to get a better angle of attack.

Milli: What did you do? How did you make them forget me?
Jake: They've never met you. Nobody can remember how -
Milli: Oh, and how odd is that? You come back and suddenly everyone suddenly forgets who they are and what they're doing... now, let's think, who has the power to mess with everyone's minds? Oh yeah, that would be you!

Milli charges again. Natalie parries her blow, being forced back as Milli surges forwards.

Emma: Hey, whoa - stasis!

She puts up her hands, and Milli and Natalie freeze mid-charge. William runs forwards and rights them, then tries and fails to prise Milli's sword from her hand. Emma circles around, hands still raised.

Jake: Milli? Is it really you?
Milli: Damn it, Emma, drop this spell or I'll -
Emma: It's really her. (off the looks) I mean, I can already feel the holding spell cracking. Could never hold her long, and I know how her counterspells work... I built them...

Milli shakes off the spell. Natalie raises her sword again. Andy steps up, claws outstretched. Jake sits down behind them, staring at Milli in shock.

Matthew: We could try... dental records...
Milli: That's okay Matt -
Natalie: How do you know us?
Milli: Because I've spent the last eight months training you to make sure we could take him if he ever came back, Natalie! Don't you... you don't remember?
Natalie: You died before I started here.

Milli stares at her, aghast.

Milli: But... that's not true!

She turns back to Jake, glaring.

Milli: Jacques did! But somehow, I just knew he'd come back. So how'd you do it? I made damn sure you were dead when I left you, but... (she pauses, noticing something)... how did you get my chain?
Jake: I... found it by your body. You died fighting Ziggy's father -
Milli: No! You died helping them!

Andy shifts back into human form, because he has a question.

Andy: You don't smell dead. Either of you...

Escher steps forwards, peering at Milli.

Escher: How... how did you get here?
Milli: I'd gone to the ballet. My parents insisted. Matt and Natalie were patrolling -
Matthew: But I don't like patrolling. Or being called Matt. My name is Matthew.
Milli: Matthew and Natalie were patrolling. Anyway, I got out, I heard this noise from a side alley. I grabbed my bag... and there was this flash of white light. And then I'm in Stapleford. Standing on "my" grave. And I'm feeling rather angry.

William: ... Ah.

Everyone looks at him.

William: I thought we failed. I mean, nothing happened -
Matthew: Nononono -

Escher rounds on them, shaking with anger.

Escher: What did you do?
Matthew: Why does everyone assume I did something?
Jake: What did you do, boys?
William: We, um... may have opened... a dimensional portal.

Escher raises a hand, starts to ball a fist, then points accusingly at William, an inch from his nose.

Escher: You...
Jake: So this isn't our Milli...
William: Yes and no. This is our Milli, but from a... parallel dimension. Probably a dimension similar to our own, except something has changed certain key events.
Andy: The famous 'trouserleg of time' principle.
William: Something with magic. Something powerful enough to divide the timelines. (looks at Milli closely) Essentially... the same soul, a different life from that point.
Jake: Jacques. He must have done something.
Milli: You'd know.

Jake looks away.

Milli: Nice scientific rationalisation from our science boys. But I was already in this dimension. It's just him, messing with your minds and your memories, like I told you he would!
Matthew: Nononono -
Milli: Best trick yet. Last time, he just tried to kill everyone here. Except Matt and -
Matthew: Matthew.
William: Milli...

He winces as he says it. She blinks as she notices, looking hurt.

William: Tell us what you remember. About how he died.

Milli leans against the communal desk, sword still drawn and pointing at Jake.

Milli: We fought Ziggy's family -
Andy: That must have been so cool...
Escher: Andy -
Milli: You were there...
Jake: We had that fight here. His father tried to kill us all. And you saved us. You stopped a knife meant for me. And you died. You died to save me.

He grimaces. She glares at him.

Milli: Oh yeah, of course. Makes perfect sense. I'd die to save the body-snatching monster who betrayed us to them.
William: So, Jacques was...
Emma: Jacques wasn't around for very long here. He tried to kill Charlotte to lock himself into Jake's body.
Milli: That was pretty stupid of him. That's why he killed that friend of Ros's - that's how he stayed so long. He was in there (points at Jake) hiding the whole time we went out.
Jake: We went out?
Andy: While he was evil? He was evil and you went out with him?
Milli: I didn't know! He hid it pretty well and I was completely in...

Milli glares at Jake.

William: So Charlotte's okay?
Milli: Is she not here?
William: We kinda... separated.
Milli: Oh, William...

She shakes her head sadly and puts her hand on his. He smiles weakly at the strangeness of it all.

Emma: So he wasn't dating me...
Milli: No…you and him only went out a while. Not by then.
Emma: Sorry.

She looks vaguely disgruntled.

Milli: No. Don't be. I'd rather I had to deal with... what happened than you did.
Emma: Um... thanks. Er... how long?
Milli: Four, five weeks, I guess. Till he joined Mister Roots and tried to kill everyone in the country.
Emma: Oh. (nods) Yeah, I'd break up with him then too.
Jake: (irritably) Thanks a bunch.

Emma shrugs.

Jake: I fought him off here. Only because of you.

Milli glares at him. He frowns, visibly hurt and shaken.

Jake: Okay. I be back. Back. Getting a smoke. Back.

He moves quickly to the door.

Milli looks around urgently at the assembled group.

Milli: Okay, he's gone. Can you remember now?
Escher: (pauses) Sorry.
Milli: Damn it! Obviously he's not worried, if he can do all this. He's at full strength...
Escher: Can we concentrate on the 'dimensional portal' theory for now? Please?
Milli: (quietly) ... yes, sir...

Everyone relaxes.

Milli jumps to her feet and runs full tilt to the door, readying her sword as Jake turns and starts to back away, preparing to thrust it into his heart.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

William grabs the tranquilliser gun and levels it, gritting his teeth.

William: Damn it, Milli...
Jake: Milli! Stop! Please!

She draws back to stab him through the heart - then stops an inch from his chest.

Milli: That would kill a normal person! Emma, damn it!
Emma: I didn't!

The group turn to look at Matthew, who is holding his hand upright, his eyes totally black. He looks sheepish.

Milli: Matt. Well done. Now drop it.
Natalie: Huh?
Jake: She's trying to kill someone she thinks is me.
Emma: Yeah, but she'll kill you to do it.
Milli: I had to do it before -
Natalie: Milli.

Milli rounds on her.

Natalie: Would you just listen?
Matthew: I could try a truth spell?
Emma: She's still not gonna trust it.
Milli: She's right.
William: We should check the portal.
Escher: Yes, about that...
Jake: Why did you build one? Exactly?
William: I... We...
Matthew: Um...
William: We were trying to bring Ziggy back.
Escher: (shouting) Good God, boy! Didn't we teach you better?
William: (quietly) ... sorry, sir.

Matthew: I want to try the spell.
Milli: Yes, okay, why are you asking permission?
Natalie: This is only his third spell. And if you ask me it's too dangerous to get involved in.
Milli: What?
Matthew: (mumbles) Jake won't let me.
Milli: Oh, won't he? (narrows eyes) The way I remember it, you were quite proficient at about a dozen spells. I insisted Emma teach you and made you practice it -
Jake: Stop that.
Milli: You'd like that -
Natalie: (quickly) What am I like?

Jake breathes a sigh of relief as Milli turns the brunt of her attention to Natalie.

Milli: Better fighter. That parry earlier...
Natalie: Jake tells me not to.
Milli: Funny, that. Making you both weaker. And you're more... practical too. I mean, you wouldn't dress like that.

She points at her clothes... then her own clothes.

Milli: Or like this... Where's my stuff?
Escher: ... With your parents.
Milli: What? But I already had to talk to them this evening!

Jake retrieves his lighter.

Jake: If you'll excuse me, I'm going to try and go for a smoke again.

Milli lets him go.

Andy goes to stand by the door this time.

Milli tries to call her parents.

Milli: No reception. Bloody hell...

Andy: So what am I like?
Milli: Oh, very... well, your girlfriend -
Andy: Luna?
Milli: No, Adelia.
Andy: Oh. Go me.
William: And me?
Milli: You said you and Charlotte broke up?
William: Yeah...
Milli: She thought you were seeing another woman?
William: No, that's not how it happened here...
Milli: We can make it better. We just have to kill Jacques.

William sighs.

William: No way to convince you? I mean, a dimensional portal is actually more likely...
Matthew: Hmmm... You helped Natalie train, right? Try some specific techniques - they work off muscle memory, I don't think you can affect that in any way.
Milli: Good idea. Get your sword.
Natalie: ... Okay?
Milli: Don't look so afraid.
Natalie: Can't help it. You are kinda... dead.
Milli: (sighs) Block the way I taught you in August.

She feints, and gets right past Natalie's block attempt.

Natalie: Okay, no, obviously.
Milli: Try again. Now focus. Clear your mind.

Thud.

Natalie: Oww...
Milli: Damn.
Natalie: This is what I was taught, at the Academy. I'm more with the kicking anyway.
Milli: Oh... Okay then. One more time, with the kicking. (quietly) Wish I wasn't wearing a skirt...

Milli catches Natalie's ankle and drops her.

Matthew: Not what you were expecting?
Milli: Eight months of training!
Natalie: You weren't here -
Milli: Obviously it can affect muscle memory.
Natalie: I wouldn't forget that.
Milli: Well, you have!

She storms off, leaving Natalie to pick herself up.

Escher stops Milli, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Milli: You don't remember...
Escher: I'm sorry.
Milli: I killed him. Eight months ago. I remember the look... as Jacques left...
Escher: (grimly) And I remember carrying your coffin.

She looks at him as if she's been struck. He winces.

Escher: But... now you're back.

She shakes her head, angrily, and her voice cracks as she speaks.

Milli: No. Not back. I never went anywhere. Don't worry, I'll find out what he's done to you all.
Natalie: And if not? What then?
Milli: I'm the only one that remembers. And he likes it more when I know what he's doing.

--
Cut to Jake sitting outside, gazing down at Milli's cross as he holds it up, and screwing his eyes shut as tears start to well up.

CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Matthew and Natalie stand together, looking across at Milli and conversing quietly.

Natalie: Is it possible?
Matthew: In theory.
Natalie: That's bloody comforting.
Matthew: That's the problem with the magical world. Anything can happen. And usually to us.

--
Escher: We should try and trace the point of division.
Milli: Right. I want to be clear on where things changed. However it happened.
Emma: Jacques emerged. We were together at the time. But it was you that stopped him.
Milli: How?
Emma: Jacques tried to kill you. Jake wouldn't let him.
Milli: (flatly) How sweet. And then?
Emma: We split up.
Milli: And we...?
Emma: Ziggy made a pass at you.
Milli: You're kidding.

Emma shrugs.

Escher: I should inform your parents -
Milli: They might be outside his influence.
Escher: I was thinking that they'd want to know...
Milli: (frowns) Right. Yeah. (looks down) And, um... I'm gonna get changed.
Natalie: Come with?
Milli: I'm not going to try and take him on by myself again.
Natalie: I just mean... your things are in storage at your house.
Milli: ... Right.

Jake backs away from the door as it opens. Milli glances at him and storms off in the other direction.

Natalie: (weakly) See? Progress.
Jake: (deadpan) Great.

Milli reaches her old room. The key turns. She looks around and scowls.

Milli: Where's my stuff?
Natalie: Your parents picked it up... I don't think the My Little Pony poster is yours.
Milli: (hopefully) You're starting to remember?
Natalie: No, just not too hard to figure out.
Milli: I seem to have... misplaced my room.
Natalie: Let's go shopping! (off Milli's look) Or not.

--
She takes Milli to her room.

Milli: Where are your patrol clothes?
Natalie: In my going out and evening wardrobe. That's this one, on the left...

Milli shakes her head as she looks through the selection of evening dresses and brightly coloured tops and skirts, grabbing a pair of jeans and a black longsleeve.

Natalie: So, you know me, and Matthew?
Milli: You're part of the gang now.
Natalie: I only know you from the stories at the Academy.
Milli: You've been with us for months, training, fighting... I've been trying to get rid of some of this...
Natalie: (slightly offended) Some of what?

Milli pulls a pink pencil skirt out of the wardrobe.

Milli: I saw you try and kick a demon in that pink skirt.
Natalie: Did it work?
Milli: Got ripped, you had to throw it away.
Natalie: Oh. Good to know. No wearing that on patrol.

Milli nods and goes to change.

Milli: So you've forgotten my clothing rules.
Natalie: Rules?
Milli: Always have something to change into.
Natalie: Oh.
Milli: Don't you carry a bag? For patrolling, not the... pony club. Or... this.
Natalie: Not usually... Are you about ready? We should get back to the office...

Apart from the black hair, she now looks more or less like Milli as she was.

Milli: I need boots.
Natalie: Right.
Milli: Flat boots.
Natalie: ... I'll take a look.

She looks down at the ring on her thumb, identical to Jake's ring, then over at her reflection in the mirror, and puts her hand to her throat.

Milli: And a cross?

--
Milli, now wearing a cross necklace as well, steps into the practice room. She retrieves a crossbow, looks down the sight, and grabs a quarrel of bolts.

Natalie: Do you need that many weapons?
Milli: One crossbow. One sword, one stake. Two hands. Spare stakes...

Natalie glowers, then kicks the dummy.

Milli: Wrong! So wrong...

--
Jake steps back into the office warily.

Matthew: So, that's another girl to be scared of.
Jake: This one, I'll let you off.

He backs up as the door opens and Milli enters, bag slung over her shoulder.

Milli: Someone else is in my room. I'm not registered for my course either, am I?
Escher: I can try and arrange something. It wouldn't be the first "filing error" I've had to deal with.
Milli: Yeah. Usually the other way, though. Covering up when someone disappears...

Emma glances at William. Will nods slightly.

William: ... Iiiif you need a place to stay...
Milli: But Charlotte's got that thing with me.
William: No, she's not around... with me...
Milli: Right. Just checking. (looks down) Sorry.
William: ...
Milli: I'll have to go talk to that girl. It'll be fine.
William: No-not really a... problem...
Milli: Oh, but William... you guys were wonderful.
William: ... Yeah. We were.
Milli: I could try now. What've we got on?
Matthew: Apart from visitors from another world, you mean...
William: Er... there were these dimensional portals...
Natalie: And someone poked them.
Jake: And -
Milli: I'm not interested in your conversation.

Jake steps back, looking away.

Natalie: Er... there was the memory thing, of course.
Milli: Yeah, I know about that. I'm trying to find out what you're doing.
William: And we have to assume we got our memories back.
Milli: Exactly! I knew I could trust you!

She flings her arms around William. He looks conflicted.

William: Er... you always could...

Matthew clears his throat.

Matthew: I have a photographic memory. Okay? I don't forget anything except when spells are involved.
Milli: Well, yeah -
Jake: I expect Mister Escher would know about such things.

Milli scowls at Jake, then looks to Escher. He frowns deeply.

William pats Milli on the back uncomfortably.

William: So, ah... the hair... is different. Dyed it?
Milli: After I kill... after the fight. Better for night patrols.
William: ... oh. Right, yeah.
Milli: You said it looked more natural.
William: Well, I agree with my... alternate self. Um... want to get a drink?
Andy: Oh God yes.
Milli: At the Brody?
Natalie: The people there think you're... kinda dead.
Milli: (flatly) They'll deal.

She shrugs and grabs her jacket.

Everyone exchanges looks behind her back as she goes. William and Natalie run to catch up.

Escher sinks into his chair as the group depart, massaging his brow.

Escher: Oh, good God...

--
Milli finally manages to make a call.

Milli: Hi, Charlotte? It's Milli here. I hear things aren't going so well with you and William. If you want to talk give me a call, we'll be at the pub. See you.
William: Did you just -
Emma: You might want to talk to her -
Milli: It's no big deal, she knows what -

William runs off.

Milli: (looks after William, confused) ... I'm like...

Natalie: Where's he -
Matthew: The crazy dead lady called his ex-girlfriend.
Milli: Matt! What did you call me?
Matthew: (weakly) You called me Matt...

They reach the Brody. The music doesn't stop playing as soon as Milli walks in. (In point of fact, "Drink The Elixir" by Salad carries on regardless.) Tessa and Rachel share a look.

Tessa: Didn't she...
Rachel: I'm thinking we must have heard wrong.
Tessa: But there was a wake...

Milli waves to them cheerfully. Rachel grits her teeth.

Rachel: I'm thinking we must have heard wrong.
Tessa: ...

She waves Natalie over to join her.

Milli: Natalie, come here a sec?... Does Matthew have a thing for me?
Natalie: (defensively) No!... You don't want to hear this and don't hurt me but, well... Jake does.
Milli: (horrified) What?
Natalie: Like he goes crazy at your name.
Milli: ... He would. Yes.
Natalie: He got really angry when I told him I wasn't you, really angry.
Milli: What? He beat you up?
Natalie: Yeees... but it was a fair fight. He didn't use his TK at all.
Milli: His... what?
Natalie: TK...?
Milli: (leans in) Where TK is short for -
Natalie: (whimpers) Telekinesis?
Milli: Right. I remember that quite well...

She looks over, her eyes narrow and we CUT!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Milli looks at everything suspiciously. The bar staff (who look at her equally suspiciously) the drinks (which don't) the crisps she just opened...

Milli: So, ah, anything to do? I mean, I don't have classes... since I'm "dead" and all...
Natalie: Nothing much has come up since the portals and the memory loss. Which happened earlier today!
Milli: So. In your memories. Who's been looking after you? Leading your training? I mean, not Mister Escher, right?
Natalie: Well, we've been...

She looks around for a change of topic, and pokes Andy as he leans in to get some smoky bacon crisps.

Andy: Customer of the year at the butcher's!
Milli: ... So, your training's not so well developed?
Natalie: Obviously. Jake was -
Milli: Jake's been training you?
Natalie: Well, no... more guarding us...
Milli: So you're not as good. Not as capable.
Natalie: Excuse me!
Milli: You're excused. Uh... I mean...
Natalie: He doesn't like me putting myself in danger. He doesn't want me to get killed... like you.
Milli: That's the reason he gave you. Concern. That's it?
Andy: Hey, I'm here.
Milli: And what about you? Trying to stop you changing?
Natalie: He's Andy's best friend.
Milli: (flatly) Right.
Natalie: Look, in our memories... he misses you like crazy.
Milli: So you're more sympathetic to him.
Natalie: (sighs) ... I give up.
Milli: He's back. He used that portal, maybe. Then he arranged this selective memory replacement to isolate me.
Natalie: Why not wipe you out?
Milli: It must not have worked on me. I still have his ring. And he got my chain... Only way it could have happened.
Matthew: Yes, that's much less crazy than the theory everyone else agreed on.

Milli looks at Matthew, standing by Natalie's shoulder, and shakes her head.

--
William runs into a lecture hall and sits down by Charlotte.

Charlotte: You're very very late.
William: Something came up. Can I speak to you?
Charlotte: You could always speak to me.
William: ...

He looks away.

William: It's... it seems... Milli's back.
Charlotte: Er... You told me she was dead?
William: Yes.
Charlotte: We went to the wake?
William: We did.
Charlotte: You were at the funeral?
William: Pallbearer.
Charlotte: Is she...
William: She would appear to be alive.
Charlotte: Is she... I dunno... evil? Is that the word?
William: It is. And no, apparently not.
Charlotte: (deadpan) That's nice. So where is she back from?
William: (shrugs) I don't know. Possibly a parallel dimension or timeline.
Charlotte: ... Oh.
William: She called you. I guess she left a message. I thought you might find it... a bit confusing.
Charlotte: (flatly) I suppose I might have, yeah...
William: So...

He trails off.

William: Good... lecture?
Charlotte: Want my notes?
William: Yeah, that'd be good. Pub?
Charlotte: Maybe for lunch. I have Kelly's lecture on the rise of the mercantile classes. You have... things.
William: ... Right. No, I should go to that.
Charlotte: She's back from the dead. You can probably skip a day.

William smiles wanly and nods. Charlotte watches him go with a slight smile. Then she frowns.

Charlotte: Wait... What the hell just happened there?

--
Tessa pushes Rachel forwards as Milli reaches the front of the bar again.

Rachel: Oh, hey. You're back. Heard a funny...
Milli: hm?
Rachel: Hair. Very... stealthy. Good work.
Andy: Can we get the usual. And Milli's.
Rachel: Which is... it has been a while.

Milli sighs as she collects the order.

Milli: So he got the bar staff too.
Andy: (deadpan) Yes, his evil knows no bounds.

Milli stalks off again, ignoring him.

Jake watches from beside the jukebox as they return to the regular booth.

Matthew retrieves a comic. A reprint of "The Flash of Two Earths!"

Milli: You know you're not supposed to read that till you've finished researching.
Matthew: I do? I'm not? I am!
Natalie: Another of your rules?
Milli: We're fighting a war... or we were...
Natalie: How far does this dress code extend?
Milli: You don't patrol in skirts.
Natalie: Someone like me doesn't. Someone not me. Do you give your Andy dog treats?
Milli: No -
Andy: I wouldn't be opposed to that -
Milli: Andy knows his...
Jake: His place?
Milli: ... stuff.

She glares at Jake as he stands by the booth.

Milli: He knows when he's needed.

Matthew rubs at his eye.

Milli: Did you get him to stop wearing his glasses? He can't see as well.
Jake: Contacts. Give him a bit more confidence. Doesn't use them as a wall to hide behind.
Milli: I wonder what he could see with them...
Jake: Okay. Matthew, put your glasses on.
Matthew: Er...
Milli: Go on. I think you look quite cute with glasses anyway.
Natalie: hmph.
Jake: Apparently not everyone agrees.
Milli: About a lot of things. So I'll smile sweetly and nod, shall I?
Natalie: Matthew, are there any spells that can show signs of dimensional travel?
Jake: She'd just say I was faking it.
Milli: Quite a system.
Jake: You've got one up on me.

Milli smiles thinly and looks away.

Milli: William should be back by now... I don't know why they broke up. They're so right for each other, going to lectures and holding hands...

Charlotte and William enter. Not holding hands.

Charlotte: Bloody hell... it's true.
Milli: Yeah. Hi. So... what happened?
Charlotte: He lied to me.
Milli: Now, the William I know, he never lied to you. We may have hidden things, but that's because we had to. He loves you so much -
Charlotte: You...?
William: I do... um...
Milli: Come on, he worships the ground you walk on.

Charlotte looks at the ground she walks on, then back up at William.

Charlotte: You didn't... never told me that...
William: I'm not good at...
Milli: We pressured him, his family taught him not to tell you anything. But you were too important for that. He defied a centuries-old tradition of silence and secrecy for you.
Charlotte: Centuries?
William: Centuries.

She smiles softly as she starts to blush.

Charlotte: I should... um... let you catch up.
William: Can I...
Charlotte: Call me.
William: I'll, um... see you out.

William gives Milli a hug and opens the door for Charlotte.

--
William: So, it was... um... how Milli explained it, it...

Charlotte puts a finger to his lips.

Charlotte: I missed you so much.
William: I wanted to tell you.
Charlotte: You will. Right?
William: If you want me to.

She kisses him, gently.

Charlotte: I want you to.

--
Everyone left at the booth looks at Milli.

Milli: Wasn't so hard, now was it?
Natalie: Wow.
Milli: I love William. I'm glad he's okay.

She looks sidelong at Jake.

Milli: More or less.

She hides the look as she smiles and raises her glass.

Milli: A toast. To us.
Matthew: To us?
Andy: To us!
Jake: I'll drink to that...

Milli: To overcoming all obstacles.

Close on her eyes narrowing as she looks toward Jake...

CREDITS!
GRR! ARG!

[Craig Oxbrow]

Next time, on The Watch House:

Milli leading a patrol.

Jake scouting ahead.

Milli aiming her crossbow at his back.

The next episode of The Watch House is Battle Lines.

--
DVD Commentary

Craig: After last week easing Milli back in, the group went all-out this time.

(Jake tries not to cry.)
Craig: Of course, if Milli saw that, she might believe it. Stop being so reserved! You're a musician!

(Milli: Did you get him to stop wearing his glasses? He can't see as well.
Jake: Contacts. Give him a bit more confidence. Doesn't use them as a wall to hide behind.)
Craig: They sound like a former couple disagreeing over how best to raise the kids...

(Jake: She'd just say I was faking it.)
Cat: Perfect delusion.
Craig: Needs no proof at all.

(Milli: Come on, he worships the ground you walk on.)
David: That was... easier than I would have expected.
Cat: Sometimes, you just need someone to explain everything -
Craig: With no tact at all.
Cat: Exactly.

[Varyar]

New TWH! Always good. I liked this... but so very trippy. For a while, I was thinking Milli was right. :D

[Orsino]

Maybe she is.

Maybe Craig's gone all 'untrustworthy narrator' on us.

[Varyar]

Maybe she is.

Maybe Craig's gone all 'untrustworthy narrator' on us.

Maybe.

/me eyes Craig suspiciously.

[Craig Oxbrow]

Maybe.

/me eyes Craig suspiciously.
For nineteen episodes? I'm not that good.



Or am I just saying that? ;)

[Varyar]

For nineteen episodes? I'm not that good.



Or am I just saying that? ;)

Mommmmm! He's doing it again!

[Mirax]

I suddenly wonder if the whole of Natalie's life has been a facade. That worries me. Who am I really? What's my purpose? Damn you oxbrow!

[Varyar]

I suddenly wonder if the whole of Natalie's life has been a facade. That worries me. Who am I really?

The enchanting wizard of rhythm.

What's my purpose?

To teach us the rhythms of the universe.

[Mirax]

Phew, doesn't explain why I feel this urge to carry a crossbow and wear high heels though...

[Varyar]

Phew, doesn't explain why I feel this urge to carry a crossbow and wear high heels though...

That's all part of the rhythm of the universe, of course.

[Craig Oxbrow]

That's all part of the rhythm of the universe, of course.
Stop that! Isn't she confused enough?

[Varyar]

Stop that! Isn't she confused enough?

Not according to my Confusometer.

[Orsino]

See? I'm not even sure she really exists. Cool hallucination, though. If it is... a hallucination. Maybe the thing with Milli is....

[Varyar]

See? I'm not even sure she really exists. Cool hallucination, though. If it is... a hallucination. Maybe the thing with Milli is....

How do we know you're not a hallucination?

Or am I?

[Craig Oxbrow]

See? I'm not even sure she really exists. Cool hallucination, though. If it is... a hallucination. Maybe the thing with Milli is....
You might think that.

I couldn't possibly comment.

[Orsino]

I suspect I'm too boring to be a hallucination. Unless you're in an exciting and dangerous situation and a comforting hallucination of the life of a boring, struggling college student appeals as your life blood pools in the snow. But you'd probably not be posting if you're in a gunfight in nepal, would you?

[Craig Oxbrow]

I suspect I'm too boring to be a hallucination. Unless you're in an exciting and dangerous situation and a comforting hallucination of the life of a boring, struggling college student appeals as your life blood pools in the snow. But you'd probably not be posting if you're in a gunfight in nepal, would you?
Fair point. Took me hours to get online after that last time.

[Varyar]

A serious question, Mr. Oxbrow!

How many episodes in Season 3? How far off is the finale?