Most pathetic D&D 3.5 creature?

[Valfader]

A friend and I have discussed which D&D creature was the most pathetic.

We came to the conclusion that it had got to be a zombie toad.
Does anyone out there have a more pathetic creature they'd like to share?

Mind you that I only have read through the core books to find it.

[Belphanior]

A zombie toad gains a slam attack of 1 damage, meaning it becomes able to kill people. In theory.
A celestial or fiendish toad on the other hand can only Smite once per day, which does their regular (non-existant) melee attack damage plus an 0.25 points of damage.

[Wulf Corbett]

I know you specified D&D 3.5, but going back to AD&D the single most pathetic creature ever was in a very very very old issue of White Dwarf, possibly even issue 1, or in the first half-dozen. It was called the Squonk, and was a small furry woodland creature so hideously ugly it would hide away from every other living creature. If seen, it would be so ashamed of it's own ugliness, it would cry so much it would dissolve in it's own tears...

You can't help feeling a bit sorry for it... :(

Wulf

[Valfader]

I know you specified D&D 3.5, but going back to AD&D the single most pathetic creature ever was in a very very very old issue of White Dwarf, possibly even issue 1, or in the first half-dozen. It was called the Squonk, and was a small furry woodland creature so hideously ugly it would hide away from every other living creature. If seen, it would be so ashamed of it's own ugliness, it would cry so much it would dissolve in it's own tears...

You can't help feeling a bit sorry for it... :(

Wulf

That is indeed sad. I feel a bit sorry for it too.

A zombie toad gains a slam attack of 1 damage, meaning it becomes able to kill people. In theory.
A celestial or fiendish toad on the other hand can only Smite once per day, which does their regular (non-existant) melee attack damage plus an 0.25 points of damage.

True. It'd also be able to cast light/darkness though. Not dangerous, but spiffy.

[Mac Logo]

Level 1 Wizard? :)

Graeme

[Valfader]

Level 1 Wizard? :)

Graeme

I think it'd be able to kill the toad :D

But yes... A wizard on 1st level is kinda pathetic. Playing one ATM and he is of No Use.

[RSC]

I know you specified D&D 3.5, but going back to AD&D the single most pathetic creature ever was in a very very very old issue of White Dwarf, possibly even issue 1, or in the first half-dozen. It was called the Squonk, and was a small furry woodland creature so hideously ugly it would hide away from every other living creature. If seen, it would be so ashamed of it's own ugliness, it would cry so much it would dissolve in it's own tears...

You can't help feeling a bit sorry for it... :(
That is very sad. What was the purpose of that creature?

[DarthCestual]

I think it'd be able to kill the toad :D

But yes... A wizard on 1st level is kinda pathetic. Playing one ATM and he is of No Use.


I was playing a level 1 sorcerer gnome recently in an adventure cleaning out the sewers of monsters. By using Mage Hand and the "environment", I gained the title of "Pooflinger". It would blind them on a successful attack and let the other level 1 fighters finish the beasties off.

It's all about making lemonade out of lemons man. ;)

[Wulf Corbett]

That is very sad. What was the purpose of that creature?
To reproduce and continue the genetic line, I suppose, same as every other creature :D I guess they must have found one another's appearance acceptable...

I believe, by the way, it was from New England folklore.

EDIT: yes indeed, here we are (http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/collective/A865983):

Wulf

[hackmastergeneral]

A 1st level wizard with high dex, and Improved Initiative can be quite useful.

I used to rock out massive Init scores, going before everyone else. And I would cast this cheap spell that stunned or dazed the opponent, so everyone else gets a free round to whale on him.

I was of teh use. Didn't rock much damage, but the fighters, they loved me man.

As DarthCestual said - lemonade from lemons, dude. Can't have one without the other...unless you have Country Time Lemonade... ;)

[Ratoslov]

The Bodak, or similar grudge monsters.

[Speaker-to-Dreamworlds]

Hmm? Why is the Bodak a grudge monster?

(Rust Monster, sure. Disenchanter, yup. Ethereal Filcher, ohh yeah. But Bodak?)

[I Love Stupid Stuff]

Hmm? Why is the Bodak a grudge monster?Aren't bodaks the ones that can kill a character instantly if they look them in the eyes?

Because if so, I can easily see why people might not like them very much.

[Ithaeur]

Aren't bodaks the ones that can kill a character instantly if they look them in the eyes?

Because if so, I can easily see why people might not like them very much.

Yes. But they aren't all that tough otherwise, and Death Ward, a low-level spell, nerfs them neatly.

[Speaker-to-Dreamworlds]

I always thought of Bodaks as pretty typical on the Undead scale: i.e. they've got lotsa scary powerz and stuff, but fighting them is pretty much an exercise in "Did you prepare for undead today, or not?" Grudge monsters are things that pretty much only exist to take away your toys and suchlike.

[Uqbarian]

I know you specified D&D 3.5, but going back to AD&D the single most pathetic creature ever was in a very very very old issue of White Dwarf, possibly even issue 1, or in the first half-dozen. It was called the Squonk, and was a small furry woodland creature so hideously ugly it would hide away from every other living creature. If seen, it would be so ashamed of it's own ugliness, it would cry so much it would dissolve in it's own tears...

You can't help feeling a bit sorry for it... :(

Wulf

The Squonk is from American folklore, not an original D&D creation, so I'm not sure it counts. But it would be one of the few things AD&D-compatible that are sadder than a flumph. (As of Dungeon #118, the flumph is 3.5-compatible!)

[jachilli]

The rast. Crikey, what a stupid thing.

Also, gnomes.

Regards,
Justin

[Herr Arnulfe]

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG104.jpg

[Kirby]

My vote goes to the dire swallow.

[Jack Spencer]

I know you specified D&D 3.5, but going back to AD&D the single most pathetic creature ever was in a very very very old issue of White Dwarf, possibly even issue 1, or in the first half-dozen. It was called the Squonk, and was a small furry woodland creature so hideously ugly it would hide away from every other living creature. If seen, it would be so ashamed of it's own ugliness, it would cry so much it would dissolve in it's own tears...

You can't help feeling a bit sorry for it... :(
I smell a new form of wingfic coming out because of this if it ever, ever, EVER gets out.


And I always thought the steglopede was stupid. Sure, it was still a giant centipede, but to put those bony plates down it's back to make a "new" monster is just pathetic.

[Darkness]

Gnomes. Someone should really put them out of their misery.

[Fishmonger]

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ff_gallery/50089.jpg

The pathetic label here is based entirely on the picture. I've liked the rilmani as creatures ever since I came across them in Planescape. DiTerlizzi made them look good, but these two look like they're getting busted by the cops in a bathhouse raid.

-fm

[graeyWolf]

I smell a new form of wingfic coming out because of this if it ever, ever, EVER gets out.

CREATING A WINGÉD CREATURE
blah blah blah inherited template
Type: Giants and Monstrous Humanoids do not change type, Vermin and Animals become Magical Beasts, and Humanoids become Monstrous Humanoids.
Speed: gains a fly speed equal to it's land speed plus 20 ft.
Dex 17+ grants Perfect maneuverability, 15-16 Good, 11-14 Average, 7-10 Poor and 1-6 grants Clumsy maneuverability.
Abilities: Dex +4, Wis +2
CR: +1, LA: +2

[Pillsy]

The digester. Who's the Fullbright scholar who came up with that one?

[Monsieur Meuble]

The fungus-whose-I-don't-the-english-name whose only capacity is to weep when the PCs approches. It's worst than the toad : Lower AC, can't move nor, of course, escape and can't fight. Ok, they have far more Life Points, but they compensate by the "fun" aspect : theyr scream while you hack them !
Ho, and they are CR1 : they are WORTH fighting for low levels...

[jrients]

The fungus-whose-I-don't-the-english-name whose only capacity is to weep when the PCs approches. It's worst than the toad : Lower AC, can't move nor, of course, escape and can't fight. Ok, they have far more Life Points, but they compensate by the "fun" aspect : theyr scream while you hack them !
Ho, and they are CR1 : they are WORTH fighting for low levels...

The shrieker. That's an old favorite for annoying players. They're worth every bit of CR 1 because of their ability to summon other critters.

[Lewd Beholder]

The old what's new dragon from Dragon Magazine :)

[Belac]

Does Sheriff von Zarovich from Ravenloft's "Champions of Darkness" count?

[valen]

My vote goes to the dire swallow.

This sound more like the name of a porn/horror crossover moive instead of a D&D monster...

[Ithaeur]

The digester. Who's the Fullbright scholar who came up with that one?

Well, they had to figure out some acid-using monsters, which had been sorely lacking. Also see yrthak or destrachan re: sonic attacks.

[The Formless One]

I'd say that "1st lvl Wizard/Sorc gestalt" is high up there, but frankly, I'm as useful in open combat as the other more combat oriented characters. It's kinda sad, really. :(

[Pillsy]

I'd say that "1st lvl Wizard/Sorc gestalt" is high up there, but frankly, I'm as useful in open combat as the other more combat oriented characters. It's kinda sad, really. :( I'd think a 1st lvl wizsorc would be pretty useful actually.

Color me surprised.

[wokuma]

I know you specified D&D 3.5, but going back to AD&D the single most pathetic creature ever was in a very very very old issue of White Dwarf, possibly even issue 1, or in the first half-dozen. It was called the Squonk, and was a small furry woodland creature so hideously ugly it would hide away from every other living creature. If seen, it would be so ashamed of it's own ugliness, it would cry so much it would dissolve in it's own tears...

You can't help feeling a bit sorry for it... :(

Wulf

Hey, Wulf how about some stats?

[Olof Jönsson]

Also, gnomes.

Regards,
Justin

Da Cosa Gnomestra gots some beesniz wit' you, Achilli. Da Gnomefadda don' like bein' insulted.














:D

[Wulf Corbett]

Hey, Wulf how about some stats?
Oh, I have no idea, it was far too long ago...

Wulf

[Alka-Seltzer]

From a metagame standpoint it would have to be the Blood Fiend from the WotC Fiend Folio. It's like the vampire template, except you put it on fiendish outsiders instead of humanoids. Wow, what a fucking inspired idea! Just rewrite someone else's old template. You fuck!

Frankly I can't think of anything more pathetic than 1 hit die human peasant. At least the other people get a few special abilities. Wait, no, a one hit die Half-Elf peasant is way more pathetic. Yup, half-elf peasant, can't get much more pathetic than that.

[tetsujin28]

It was called the Squonk, and was a small furry woodland creature so hideously ugly it would hide away from every other living creature. If seen, it would be so ashamed of it's own ugliness, it would cry so much it would dissolve in it's own tears...

You can't help feeling a bit sorry for it... :(

WulfIt's a Genesis in-joke:
(from the lyrics and liner notes from A Trick of the Tail)

Like father like son
Not flesh nor fish nor bone
A red rag hangs from an open mouth.
Alive at both ends but a little dead in the middle,
A-tumbling and a-bumbling he will go.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Could never put a smile on that face.

He's a sly one, he's a shy one
Wouldn't you be too.
Scared to be left all on his own.
Hasn't a, hasn't a friend to play with, the Ugly Duckling
The pressure on, the bubble will burst before our eyes.
All the while in perfect time
His tears are falling on the ground
BUT IF YOU DON'T STAND UP YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE.

Go a little faster now, you might get there in time.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
His heart was broken long before he ever came to you.
Stop your tears from falling,
The trail they leave is very clear for all to see at night
all to see at night.

In season, out of season
What's the difference when you don't know the reason.
In one hand bread, the other a stone.
The Hunter enters the forest.
All are not huntsmen who can blow the huntsman's horn
By the look of this one you've not got much to fear.

Here I am, I'm very fierce and frightening
Come to match my skill to yours.
Now listen here, listen to me, don't you run away now
I am a friend, I'd really like to play with you.
Making noises my little furry friend would make
I'll trick him, then I'll kick him into my sack.
You better watch out... You better watch out.

I've got you, I've got you, you'll never get away.

Walking home that night
The sack across my back, the sound of sobbing on my shoulder.
When suddenly it stopped,
I opened up the sack, all that I had
A pool of bubbles and tears - JUST A POOL OF TEARS.

All in all you are a very dying race
Placing trust upon a cruel world.
You never had the things you thought you should have had
And you'll not get them now,
And all the while in perfect time
Your tears are falling on the ground.


The Squonk is of a very retiring disposition and due to its ugliness, weeps constantly. It is easy prey for hunters who simply follow a tear-stained trail. When cornered it will dissolve itself into tears.
True or False?

[Solomon]

I know it's no longer "canon" in 3.5, but I have a fondness for the pathetic Piercer. I mean, the beast's basically a large slug whose only purpose in life is hanging upside-down from a cavern's ceiling, waiting (weeks? months?) for some adventurer to pass by, and then drop on his head...

My current group met a Piercer in a Necromancer module. The poor thing fell on the Dwarven Defender, but bounced harmlessly off his helmet. As the group closed in to kill the helpless Piercer, I told them they could now discern the terrified monster's beady eyes trembling and growing moisty, and its tiny fanged mouth opening and closing in a silent plea...

Pitying the creature, the adventurers spared it. The wizard even picked up the Piercer, Levitated up to the ceiling and placed the monster back. The party basically adopted the Piercer. They would wave at it as they moved through his cavern, and occasionally they would place a large steak on the floor under the monter. The Piercer would then impale the steak and eat it.

[Alka-Seltzer]

occasionally they would place a large steak on the floor under the monter. The Piercer would then impale the steak and eat it.


That's so cute!

[Stephenls]

Well, they had to figure out some acid-using monsters, which had been sorely lacking. Also see yrthak or destrachan re: sonic attacks.

Destrachans are cool, though, and Yrthaks are kinda cool if you ever need weird degenerate mutant pterodactyls for the PCs to fight in Godforsaken lightless caverns deep underground or, you know, blasted desert badlands scoured by the backlash of a forgotten magical war or something.

...

Sorry, not much to contribute to this thread. Other people already covered the ones I'd pick.

[wokuma]

Oh, I have no idea, it was far too long ago...

Wulf

If you have your WD collection in order, I think it's in issue 7.

[MadCow]

What about miniature giant space hamsters? :D


*quickly Dimension Doors' away.....*

[Kirby]

What about a Kracken Skeleton.


(He he, because Krackens don't have bones)



Mind erase! :confused:

[wingedcoyote]

The squonk is also in the Steely Dan song "Any Major Dude Will Tell You". Like the other guy said, it's a bit of weird New England folklore.

[Alka-Seltzer]

What about a Kracken Skeleton.


(He he, because Krackens don't have bones)




That wouldn't stop me from putting a skeleton template on a Kracken. Or what about a death knight template? Those pretty much look like skeletons. I think the template only applies to humans, but that's easy enough to ignore. You could say it stole the bones from living creatures, using dark flesh-magic to surgically implant them.

[RemyDuron]

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG104.jpg
I think that's pretty damn terrifying... Not sure about the stats.

[MadCow]

I think that's pretty damn terrifying... Not sure about the stats.

except that all it does is to steal things off people... (IIRC)

[Arbane the Terrible]

except that all it does is to steal things off people... (IIRC)

As someone pointed out the last time ths critter (the "Astral Filcher", right?) was mentioned, "It's got four arms and one leg. Now we know where the missing socks have gotten to."

:D

[David J Prokopetz]

I think that's pretty damn terrifying... Not sure about the stats.It runs up to you, steals one of your personal possessions with some absurdly high Pick Pockets score, then immediately vanishes to another plane of existance, never to return.

That's it.

That's its whole schtick.

[Gaffa]

It runs up to you, steals one of your personal possessions with some absurdly high Pick Pockets score, then immediately vanishes to another plane of existance, never to return.

That's it.

That's its whole schtick.
It's Pick Pockets isn't even all that staggering; it's only got a Sleight of Hand of +12. Good, yes, but not overwhelmingly WOW.

But it's basically a varient on the rust monster that steals baubles, yes.

I used one once, just to see what'd happen. Players whaled on its pasty blue half-ass and that was that.

[Herr Arnulfe]

I think that's pretty damn terrifying... Not sure about the stats.
Ah, the Ethereal Filcher. It has 5 HD and a 1d4 Bite attack, which is sometimes used to "distract" victims -- so it can steal a magical trinket before jaunting off to the etheral plane. It's recommended that adventurers conspicuously carry cheap magical items as decoys, while keeping the good stuff hidden. Dex 18 with Pick Pocket +12. CR 3.

Maybe it's not the most pathetic looking monster (although I do think it looks pretty pathetic), but the concept just strikes me as something intended to piss off players with (i.e. "you can't get your stuff back, it's ethereal!"), or for GM's to take back items that he shouldn't have given out in the first place.

[ascendance]

Come on. If a fiendish/celestial toad is pathetic, the garden variety must be even more so. They exist solely to give people with familiars bonus hit points.

[Valfader]

Come on. If a fiendish/celestial toad is pathetic, the garden variety must be even more so. They exist solely to give people with familiars bonus hit points.

Which is why I suggested a zombie toad. It makes it even worse off....

[RSC]

I know it's no longer "canon" in 3.5, but I have a fondness for the pathetic Piercer. I mean, the beast's basically a large slug whose only purpose in life is hanging upside-down from a cavern's ceiling, waiting (weeks? months?) for some adventurer to pass by, and then drop on his head...

My current group met a Piercer in a Necromancer module. The poor thing fell on the Dwarven Defender, but bounced harmlessly off his helmet. As the group closed in to kill the helpless Piercer, I told them they could now discern the terrified monster's beady eyes trembling and growing moisty, and its tiny fanged mouth opening and closing in a silent plea...

Pitying the creature, the adventurers spared it. The wizard even picked up the Piercer, Levitated up to the ceiling and placed the monster back. The party basically adopted the Piercer. They would wave at it as they moved through his cavern, and occasionally they would place a large steak on the floor under the monter. The Piercer would then impale the steak and eat it.
That's really beautiful. I tried to get my group to do the same with an Etherial Filcher, but the rogue blew his appraise roll, and was busy grabbing up piles of worthless loot, so combat was inevitable. Poor Filchers.

[RSC]

To reproduce and continue the genetic line, I suppose, same as every other creature :D I guess they must have found one another's appearance acceptable...
OK, OK, what was the point of including game stats for them? What purpose did the guy who wrote that article expect them to serve in a game? How would a GM use something like that? Unless you've got a blind guy in the party you can't even talk to them.

[Sven_Noren]

The Frothing Munchkin.

[jrients]

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG104.jpg

I got a fig of one of these guys in my most recently purchased D&D minis booster. My plan is to make up my own monster so the figure will actually get some use.

[Alka-Seltzer]

But it steals left socks!

[RSC]

but the concept just strikes me as something intended to piss off players with (i.e. "you can't get your stuff back, it's ethereal!"),
Fortunately, it doesn't work like that. The filcher can stay etherial for a whopping 1 round before being forced to return to the prime. It's etherialness is used to sneak up on and escape from the PCs, but it's loot is going to be stored somewhere on the prime where it is native.

[Wulf Corbett]

OK, OK, what was the point of including game stats for them? What purpose did the guy who wrote that article expect them to serve in a game? How would a GM use something like that? Unless you've got a blind guy in the party you can't even talk to them.
This was in, apparently, White Dwarf issue 7, probably sometime in the very early 1980's. Purpose wasn't a factor back then, anything you could think of would find someone it interested... Other early White Dwarf highlights included the Pervert Class (special magic item, the Elven Dirty Mac) and the Houri Class (although, having said that, a seductress/assasin wasn't such a bad choice for a PC).

Apparently, according to the folklore, the pelt was very valuable, but obviously difficult to obtain.

EDIT: incidentally, we found SOME way to talk to it, since a party wizard adopted it as a familiar and somehow got it a Vorpal power... It cheered up considerably after that!

Wulf

[Herr Arnulfe]

Fortunately, it doesn't work like that. The filcher can stay etherial for a whopping 1 round before being forced to return to the prime. It's etherialness is used to sneak up on and escape from the PCs, but it's loot is going to be stored somewhere on the prime where it is native.
Wow, that makes them both more pathetic and more reasonable at the same time. Is there anything to prevent them from continuously jaunting into the etheral plane as they flee (i.e. does "as a 15th-level caster" include daily casting limits?) Of course, they'd provoke AoO's every time they became material, but it might save them some damage. Also, the pilfered item would become ethereal along with them, right?

[Darkness]

does "as a 15th-level caster" include daily casting limits? No.