[Necro][FR] JDCorley's 293 Pages Of Forgotten Realms Adventure Seeds

[JDCorley]

I have long considered the 3.0 FRCS to be one of the best D&D settings and one of the best fantasy settings ever published. Why would I think that? Because on every single page there is something that can be used, used in play, for adventures of all sorts.

Of course this is an exaggeration. BUT IT'S MY EXAGGERATION. So I'm going to make it true. I am going to give you a cool character, plot, adventure, or campaign idea for every page between page 8 and page 300. I will let the judicious reader figure out why I'm using these pages.

Rules of the thread: 1) Fuck you if you think I'm somehow cheating by not having Elminster come in and solve every fucking thing under the sun. Wait, no, double fuck you, I will put an Elminster section in every adventure seed detailing exactly why Elminster is not involved. Just for the double fuck you. This will be marked "2FYEW", standing for "Double Fuck You, Elminster Whiners". 2) Adventure seeds will be following the rules of 3.0. Note that they'll be easily convertable to 3.5 if you want. But don't cry like a baby when I don't have a 18th level fighter in every 100-person town and say "but that's not Forgotten Reeeeeealllllmmmmmsssssss" like a baby, you baby-crying crybaby. These adventure seeds will follow the rules. Including the rules in the DMG for distribution of character levels. If you see me break the rules, post and I'll fix it. 3) This is just out of the campaign setting book. The other Forgotten Realms books are awesome but I am not going to spend a lot of time proving it in this thread.

Let's get started, shall we?

p. 8: Determined clerics of Tyr, wander the Moonsea, battling the evil influence of the Zhentarim.

Your party of freelance, mercenary freebooters is out on the Moonsea in a ship, when the captain, pleased and enthused to have such illustrious passengers, drinks too much at a ship's party and wrecks the ship on a ghostly, ephemeral island that turns out to be a secret citadel of the Zhentarim. They must team up with some slightly crazed Tyr-clerics who have been trying to no avail to defeat the evil wizards to figure out what's going on (a magical superweapon, maybe?) and find a way home. 2FYEW: Elminster is at home smoking a doobie.

Knut, male human lawful good Cleric of Tyr (Clr6)
CR 6; Size M (5 ft., 9 in. tall); hp 40;
Init -2 (-2 Dex);
Spd 30 ft.; AC 8 (-2 Dex);
Attack +6 melee, or +2 ranged;
SV Fort +7, Ref +0, Will +9;
AL LG;
Str 15, Dex 6, Con 14, Int 12, Wis 18, Cha 7.
Languages Spoken: Common, Undercommon.
Skills: Balance -1, Diplomacy +9, Heal +11, Hide -2, Knowledge (religion) +10, Listen +6, Move silently -2, Profession (scribe) +15, Spot +6;
Feats: Alertness, Maximize spell, Silent spell, Skill focus (profession)

The leader of the group who was sent to defeat the evil Zhentarim, he's somewhat lost the "lawfulness" of following Tyr in favor of just frantically trying to record every bizarre thing the Zhents are or aren't up to. He used to be Charismatic before the evil magics of the island cursed him, and now he and his acolytes are scattered both in mind and power and are being picked off by the Zhent assassins scouring the island for them.

Possessions: 5,600 gp in gear.

Cleric Domains: Good, Knowledge
Cleric Spells Per Day: 5/4+1/4+1/3+1.

p. 9: Region-Based Skills

And you thought those Knowledge (history) rolls were only good for finding dungeons! When exploring the high mountains, your brainiac team of arcane researchers discovers a valley that the old books back at the university said held a big abandoned castle full of treasure...but regional history at the cheery little old dwarven woman's tea shop/historical society attests that there never was such a castle. Further inquiry reveals a local, charismatic, well-liked warlord intends to build his castle there...is he merely unconsciously aping historical documents he must have seen at some point, or, more dangerously, is time out of joint? Will the evil spectres emerge from the cracks in time to menace your team of glasses-wearing spellstaff carrying dorks? Will one of them make it with the warlord's hot barbarian chick daughter? Remember, lads, smart is sexy, and never leave the time stream before you entered it. 2FYEW: Oh, shit, looking at Elminster's sheet, it doesn't appear he HAS that regional knowledge, the ignorant buffoon. Only a researcher who actually was on the scene would know anything was amiss.

Crazy Old Welby, lawful neutral male halfling druid
Drd1: CR 1; Size S (3 ft., 2 in. tall); hp 6;
Init +3 (+3 Dex);
Spd 20 ft.;
AC 14 (+3 Dex, +1 Size);
Attack -1 melee, or +4 ranged;
SV Fort +1, Ref +4, Will +7;
Str 7, Dex 17, Con 6, Int 6, Wis 18, Cha 11.

Languages Spoken: Common, Druidic, Halfling.

Skills and feats: Climb +0, Hide +7, Intuit direction +8, Jump +2, Listen +8, Move silently +5, Spot +6;
Feats: Alertness.

Possessions: 900 gp in gear.

Druid Spells Per Day: 3/2.

Crazy Old Welby, the local nature mage of the mountains, a wily little bastard, insists he has seen the characters before...or maybe he hasn't seen them yet and his gift of prophecy is acting up again!

p.10: A huge bunch of dwarven twins are being born born because the Moradin, a god, gave a "new forged" blessing to the race.

Terrible things are afoot as many high-ranking priests of Moradin apparently commit suicide. The awful truth: the twins are being born with only half a soul and the dwarven nations face enormous corruption as they come of age. Your epic level team of superpowered do-gooders are summoned by a dying demigod who reveals the deadly truth - Moradin did this deed without propitiating the goddess of fertility, and she is pissed. She's taking her pound of flesh from the soul of every dwarf born on Faerun and if that means that they're easy prey for devils, demons, and even just plain old bribery and greed? Well, fuck Moradin, he should have thought of that. The other gods won't get involved because they don't want to stick their dicks in a blender, especially not when it's already on. The head uber-god is silent.

As the increasingly aggressive, magical, and violent dwarven nations ruled by the young begin to make a global assault in every nation and the Underdark too, your characters must make a mysterious journey of peacemaking between the warring gods, before all is lost and civilization collapses. Sacred sites must be located, powerful offerings made, artifacts found, portals opened...and purity must again be found. ....and where are the souls she's taking going anyway? To prop up her own worshippers' powers? Perhaps even some nature-powered PCs such as rangers, druids or nature-oriented clerics? 2FYEW: The dying demigod is dying because Elminster stabbed him in the fucking back when he came to Elminster for help. What the shit is that about? Better keep away from the senile old man. Looks like he's on the wrong fucking side.

[JDCorley]

p.11. Grey dwarves are sometimes exiled to the surface for ripping off other grey dwarves

Baras, female Chaotic Evil grey dwarf rogue (Rog12):
Size M (4 ft., 2 in. tall);
hp 47;
Init +5 (+5 Dex);
Spd 20 ft.;
AC 15 (+5 Dex);
Attack +8/+3 melee, or +14/+9 ranged;
SV Fort +5, Ref +13, Will +5;
Str 9, Dex 21, Con 12, Int 8, Wis 13, Cha 3.

Languages Spoken: Common, Dwarven.

Skills and feats: Craft +13, Hide +16, Innuendo +12, Intimidate +11, Listen +18, Move silently +9, Spot +4, Swim +12, Use magic device +10, Use rope +18;

Feats: Blind-fight, Dodge, Martial weapon proficiency (warhammer), Quick draw, Weapon finesse (sword, short), grey dwarf traits

Possessions: 27,000 gp in gear.

Baras thought she was getting a pretty good deal. She knew that the artifact short sword Shatter, forged from glass that fell from the crystalline sphere surrounding Faerun when it was made, was going to be ill-guarded on a particular night because those providing security for it all belonged to a particularly virulent duergar demon-worshipping sect and the demon was coming back for an orgy/barbarian ragefest. Most of the guards were recent converts, so she knew that there wouldn't be any backup. She stealthily slipped in and nabbed it, but unbeknownst to her, the magical alarms went off and she was followed back to her home by bound invisible stalkers. There she was captured, but somehow she had managed to ditch Shatter itself. Although tortured horribly, resulting in a face burned almost down to the bone that repulses any who look on it, she didn't reveal how she had hidden Shatter. Exiled to the surface world - as she had planned - she now undertook to find it, following its trail from the mining camp in whose ore she had stashed the artifact, to the big city. Now in league with a powerful crime syndicate, at least for the moment, she faces off against your team of unscrupulous swashbuckling rogues - will they find Shatter before she does? And what about the demon-worshippers who have come to the surface to recover it so that they don't lose face? What happens when a woman too ugly to live falls in love with a man too virtuous to die? How many different ways can different groups steal the same sword from each other? 2FYEW: Why the shit should Elminster care? He's not unscrupulous or swashbuckling, so that swinging off ropes to stab people with your rapier while wearing a mask and saying "tell me where the man with the glass sword went!" is not something he cares about. Plus he's probably fucking drunk again.

[tetsujin28]

I am loving these :D

[Stephenls]

Rules of the thread: 1) Fuck you if you think I'm somehow cheating by not having Elminster come in and solve every fucking thing under the sun. Wait, no, double fuck you, I will put an Elminster section in every adventure seed detailing exactly why Elminster is not involved. Just for the double fuck you. This will be marked "2FYEW", standing for "Double Fuck You, Elminster Whiners".

Man, the poor Elminster fans have enough problems without you group-attacking them, too.

Great thread so far, BTW.

[Tindel]

2FYEW needs to become a standard feature of FR setting books.

[Rachel Cartacos]

Brilliant, worth reading just for the 2FYEW bits.

[D. Archon]

Brilliant, worth reading just for the 2FYEW bits.

That, and "Elminster is smoking a doobie".:cool:

Also, this should be a tagline for a movie: "What happens when a woman too ugly to live falls in love with a man too virtuous to die?" I'd actually pay to see that.:cool:

[JDCorley]

Actually the real Elminster whiners are those that aren't his fans. Every time "what's the matter with the Forgotten Realms anyway?" comes up there's a huge long line of people with a bunch of time cards marked "Elminster", like in a cartoon, they walk up, shove the card in the slot and pull the lever marked "Post Reply". I've never seen one idiotic, easy-to-write-off, useless-as-shit NPC get more dumbass "he's ruining the setting!" things written about him. Not even Samuel Haight or the Harlequin. Then when someone says "well, if you're sensible, you don't have him show up in every adventure" everyone with their time card yells "YOU'RE NOT PLAYING FORGOTTEN REALMS!!" as if playing sensibly were somehow not allowed.

Although Drizzt really is ruining the setting. ;) :rolleyes: ;) :cool: :D

Oh shit, it's page 12!!! You know you've been waiting!!

p.12, big ass list of names

Five Guys Named Evendur

Okay, it's a common Chondathan name. And it's more common in the little village where your retired old adventuring party are the village elders, due to the dashing Evendur The Magnificent, a stage sorcerer who passed through fifteen years ago and got every kid in town named after him, it seemed. But this is the ridiculous situation that this has happened: a young cute woman, seeking to win the affections of her prospective beau Evendur, did a very rash thing and sought out the Crone, a batshit insane old witch woman in the hills. The Crone, always a devotee of chaos and other such wackiness, gave her irresistable beauty not just to her Evendur but to four other guys named Evendur, and she stole the girl's memory about which Evendur she loved. Now six families are thrown into jealous backstabbing and the girl herself is miserable. Time to rummage around in the barn for the old battleaxe +1 and have the wife rub you down with liniment, it's adventuring time again. Probably one of the characters has an annoyingly overeager child who wants to tag along and become an adventurer and the horse is more prone to long quiet naps than to charging. It's time to find the Crone, figure out what she did and what has to be done to fix it. Where'd she hide the memory of love?? 2FYEW: Great, yeah, that's the ticket, a comely young girl with a magical problem with irresistability, let's send her to a horny old bastard. Elminster will probably just get his name changed to Evendur and make things worse. Fucking asshole.

[JDCorley]

p.13 The big drow city of Menzoberranzan

"Wastin' away again in Menzoberranzan
Searchin' for my lost magical swords
Some people claim that the dark elves are to blame
But I know
(da da da da da)
they're in some dragon hoard
(da da da da da)"

Man, the life of a group of travelling performers is tough in the Underdark, everyone's gloomy, hates the fact that you don't work for them - or for anyone for that matter, everyone's trying to enslave you...but the hallucinogenic underground mushrooms are pretty awesome and surface chicks are eager to do it with you if you dress in black and look broody. (That goes double for surface guys, ladies. Drow push-up bra technology is the most advanced in all the Realms, after all.) But the worst happens when the crazy illithid bastard gives your troupe two magic swords and pays you a ton of dough to get them to the other side of the Underdark - without a deadline! You were just hanging around buying ale and writing your new play when surface wizards launched a massive attack on the Underdark, an attack that the grey dwarf clans and the Spider Queen worshippers seem to blame on you. You can't just turn over the swords - you'll still be arrested and thrown into slavery and man, that's just a drag. And what happens when the swords decide to reveal they can talk - and want to be in show business too? Get out the costumes, finish the scripts, and fire up the accordion for one spectacular road trip! WE'RE TAKING THIS SHOW STRAIGHT TO MENZOBARRANZAN! Just as soon as we finish these mushrooms.... 2FYEW: Probably it was Elminster's dumbfuck idea to send the surface people down to attack the Underdark or something. Idiot.

[jcfiala]

That goes double for surface guys, ladies. Drow push-up bra technology is the most advanced in all the Realms, after all.

Considering the Drow art I remember seeing, I must say: 'This has been proven by science, comrades.'

[Omar]

Fan-fucking-tastic. 280 more to go, let's have em :D

[Deacon Blues]

Write faster.

Must have more. :D

[Eric Tolle]

Wow. You actually made the Forgotton Realms sound massively cool. hell, you made playing a buch of Drow sound really cool. Just freaking brilliant.

[Chiaroscuro]

hilarious!

But I can't help thinking it'll take way too much of your life to complete. Still, I'm subscribing to the thread.

[MetalBard]

This is great stuff... the Elminster section is brilliant and it all really demonstrates the awesomeness of the 3.0 FRCS (best FR product ever and possibly best campaign setting product ever).

[MetalBard]

2FYEW needs to become a standard feature of FR setting books.

You hear that Wizards of the Coast? Man, I want Eric Boyd to see this thread...

[JDCorley]

Awesomer than page 13, it's.....

Page 14: the retreat to Evermeet and some elves' return

Ah, Evermeet. When you're as pretty as your group of all-elf mid-level heroes, it's a welcome place to get away from the hurly burly world of those fast-moving, fast-living (but admittedly rocking in bed) humans. And the stinky dwarves. But after a hundred years of war against Tharios The Dread, it was sort of weird to have him show up on Evermeet and profess to have stopped his vile attempts to take over civilization. It was weird for the first few decades anyway, but then you let your guard down and before you knew it, you and Tharios the Dread were yucking it up with tales of the old days.

And then he poisoned the shit out of you, stole your cool elven magic crap and ran like fuck back for the land of the humans, having gotten all your secrets out of you. Now the families of your old buddies are in jeopardy, everything you swore to protect is on the line, your treasure caches are in the hands of your dire enemy and all because that little ratfucker faked it.

END HIM.

2FYEW: The elves of Evermeet sent an emissary to warn Elminster that Tharios the Dread was back but she was too good looking and by the time Elminster was done with her she didn't want to tell him anything except "you are the most disgusting link, goodbye".

[JDCorley]

p.15: hippie wood elves

Himovi, chaotic evil female wood elf barbarian (Bbn4)
Size M (5 ft., 2 in. tall);
hp 30;
Init +3 (+3 Dex);
Spd 40 ft.;
AC 13 (+3 Dex);
Attack +7 melee, or +7 ranged;
SV Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +5;
Str 16, Dex 17, Con 9, Int 9, Wis 15, Cha 10.
Languages Spoken: Common, Elven.

Skills: Craft +6, Hide +3, Intimidate +5, Listen +11, Move silently +3, Search +1, Spot +5;
Feats: Combat reflexes, Iron will.
Possessions: 3,300 gp in gear.

Himovi didn't have time for her hippie druid parents, so as soon as her parents' talking giant boar was willing to take her away from them, she left and became a raging bitch queen of the valley, demanding payment in gold and food from the civilized world she saw as a blight until she figured out that at least in the civilized world there are actual families that seem to work and get along okay. Now she wants to settle down with the right guy - someone who can best her in battle, who can read and write, and who will raise their children properly. Can your PC live up to her standards? Does he really want to? Can she truly change her evil ways? What happens when her old victims come a'callin'? Is she going to end up on the gallows despite reforming? Or perhaps because of it? 2FYEW: Elminster clearly is not up to her standards.

[JDCorley]

p.16 Orcs will chase after whatever dumbass is waving swords at them

War is hell. It's particularly bad when a valuable city is in an indefensible area due to long-forgotten religious reasons. A nice fat juicy chunk of civilization with an orcish warband ready to rape and pillage their way through it.

Now, a hundred miles away there's a perfect ambush point. And a heavily armed squadron of mercenaries ready to blast the orcs into oblivion.

Someone just has to get the orcs there. And that's where your team of nature-oriented guerilla adventuring PCs come in. They have to taunt the orc war horde into chasing after them, then stay far enough ahead of them to survive over the mountains, through the woods, over cliffs, down ravines, up rivers, and finally into the trap itself. Harrying orc raiders with arrows, spells, traps and carefully calculated ambushes and retreats....If you thought the Vietnam War was a lot of fun but needed more giant animal summoning, you'll love this grimly crazed adventure into the heart of nowhere. 2FYEW: Elminster don't surf.

[joshua neff]

If you thought the Vietnam War was a lot of fun but needed more giant animal summoning...

It's like you read my mind.

[JDCorley]

More spectacular than page 16, it's....

Page 17: Ghostwise halflings, feral, wild, forest-living li'l guys who are isolated from the outside world.

After travelling too far into a cursed forest, your party collapses due to disease and are slowly nursed back to health by ghostwise halflings in an unknown part of the forest. They are slowly deteriorating because evil spirits haunt the woods around them and even their very limited contact with the outside world is disappearing. Plus the evil spirits have cut them off from the shrine at which they always worshipped. The spirits are way too powerful for your low-level group of merchants and escorts, so you'll have to delve into the forgotten lore in the ancient burial crypts and the mysterious carvings on the eldest of trees to learn the truth about the curse...and how to break it and get home. And isn't it a curious coincidence that your characters just happened to fall prey to a disease just at the right time? Perhaps it was arranged... 2FYEW: Elminster probably was the one that fucked things up so badly that you guys have to come in and fix it.

p. 18: Planetouched

New template: Negative-touched. Due to a magical accident, curse or some insane plan, the character has become melded with negative energy from that evil plane. Apply the following:

The character may be turned or rebuked as if they were undead, but may not be destroyed or commanded no matter the cleric's level.

The character is infertile and may never bear or sire children without magical assistance. The character's natural lifespan is immediately reduced by half his remaining lifespan. When the character dies, unless resurrected, he will rise as a zombie.

The character is susceptible to holy damage as if they were evil, even if they are not. The character is never treated as good for the purposes of wielding magical items or being the target of spells, even if they are good. (They are not necessarily considered evil unless they were evil before.)

The only benefit - and it's a doozy - is that the character is immune to critical hits.

Beraking the connection to the negative energy plane is a matter for brilliant magicians and mysterious nature spirits, or perhaps both. A negative-touched character might also be very useful to evil folk, as an easily controllable source of that evil power... 2FYEW: Elminster would probably do this and then stumble outside and get run over by a cart and become a zombie. Actually that's not a bad idea. Go ahead and use him.

[JDCorley]

p.19 - air genasi wear mended-up clothes

A free-spirited air genasi druid chick accidentally tore her outfit and snagged some cool-looking cloth to repair it. Little did she know that the cloth was a magical badge of a long-forgotten Calimshan special forces military unit that had been targeted by a group of assassins sworn to destroy them all. As zombie killers rise from the grave and go after the blue-skinned woman (cleavage mandatory), where can she turn except to your group of dashing adventurers? Unkillable zombie assassins slowly gaining in power as the curse grows - just removing the cloth won't work even if you figure out you need to - you're going to have to re-kill the undead rogue-wizard in the assassins citadel a thousand miles away...and the authorities aren't going to be happy about all the corpses littering the street. 2FYEW: Elminster would just try to put his hand up her skirt. Idiot.

[JDCorley]

p.20 - fire genasi that live in volcanos

"Well, I see that you have fallen into my deathtrap...I never anticipated you'd find my volcano lair, but I always do take precautions against even the most remote possibilities. Naturally my magical light beam is even now focused on your home city, and the authorities there will have to give in to my demands...my first demand, as I'm sure you are aware, is for ONE MILLION GOLD PIECES. MUAH HA HA HA HAAAAA. Not that I expect them to agree to this demand. But the next city will be much wiser after your city is in CINDERS, beautiful CINDERS! Ah ha ha! I must admit that your stealthy team of specialists, spies, and saboteurs made it further than I expected. You have been worthy adversaries. And that is why, at the moment of my triumph, the cage you are now locked in will drop into the raging volcano far below. It is useless to attempt to escape. As amusing as this conversation has been, I must be going. I have business elsewhere. I will leave you in the capable and completely loyal hands of my beautiful assistant Amber Insatia, who you have in no way successfully turned against me with your romantic wiles. GOOD DAY GENTLEMEN!!! HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

2FYEW: Elminster dropped into shark tank and eaten.

Thamiian, chaotic evil male fire genasi Aristocrat 15/Fighter 2
Size M (5 ft., 8 in. tall);
hp 133;
Init +2 (+2 Dex);
AC 12 (+2 Dex);
Attack +17/+12/+7 melee, or +15/+10/+5 ranged;
SV Fort +11, Ref +7, Will +10;
Str 19, Dex 15, Con 16, Int 11, Wis 12, Cha 15.

Languages Spoken: Common, Infernal

Skills: Diplomacy +14, Handle animal +4, Hide +2, Knowledge (arcana) +7, Knowledge (religion) +14, Listen +4, Move silently +2, Ride +4, Search +1, Sense motive +14, Spot +4, Swim +24, Wilderness lore +16;

Feats: Alertness, Ambidexterity, Dodge, Leadership, Power attack, Skill focus (diplomacy), Skill focus (sense motive), Skill focus (swim)

Possessions: 100,000 gp in gear. Probably has a fire elemental shaped like a cat and something that makes him immune to heat damage and lets him swim through lava.

[Eric Tolle]

p.20 - fire genasi that live in volcanos

"Is it too much to ask for some frikkin' sharks with fireball wands?"

[JDCorley]

p.21 - characters of high-powered races

Life is good during a flight of dragons. At least when you're a flesh-eating tiefling, that is. The unholy brood of a vicious demon and a crazed maiden, your group of corpse-munchers gains magical abilities from consuming the flesh of the dead, and wouldn't you know it, the dragons all decided to wake up and slay civilization, leaving a lot of flesh to eat! As your characters gain in power will they come to the attention of the do-gooders in authority, or will their evil infighting over a particularly puissant piece of flesh bring them down? Hand out XP for eating flesh rather than overcoming challenges and it's a huge sharp toothed fun fest for the whole family.

2FYEW: Eating Elminster's dead body is the climax of the campaign.

[jimbojones1971]

2FYEW: Eating Elminster's dead body is the climax of the campaign.

Hot damn, sounds like fun! Looking forward to more of these.

[JDCorley]

p. 22 - instruments of Faerun, including the wargong, made from the shields of fallen enemies

Controversy rocks Waterdeep as the avante garde Harpreet Theater Company over their new production of the classic "War Against The Horde". They've inverted the story to be one that depicts highly favored heroes as drunken louts and orcs as misunderstood noble warriors. What makes this impolitic production even more outrageous is the use of actual shields from the war as the wargong basis for the spectacular musical number "Charge of the Raiders". The worst part? It's an amazingly good production. As veterans of the war protest outside and connossieurs of music and art flock to the theater, the worst occurs - a faction of half-orc descendants of the rapes that occurred in the Horde wars demands the return of the shields of their ancestors. Your weedy aristocratic PCs are caught in the middle of it - they're all investors in the Theater, but their business interests are threatened by the expanding conflict. Can they reconcile all of the battling factions without losing their shirts? And what about the crush that the lead develops on one of the PCs? The histrionics of the orchaestra leader? And how do you choreograph a dance with both halflings and half-elves on the stage at once? If you draw a straight line between every Mickey Rooney "let's put on a show" movie ever made, "Shakespeare In Love", and "The Producers", you reach the Harpreet Theater Company and this crazy adventure.

2FYEW: (sings) "SPRING time for EL minster AND Shadowdaaaaaale..."

[JDCorley]

p.23 druids follow nature gods but don't necessarily see a difference between divine power and nature

A fanatical archdruid previously a follower of Chauntea but corrupted by an evil grove of demon-touched treants decides to launch a massive attack using natural power on the clerics of Faerun. Secretly backed by crazed demons and insane liches, the archdruid's forces begin to extinguish civilization with the powers of nature, hoping to rule through fear, taking the worship that sustains the gods away from them. Your super-high-epic-level PCs will need to use all their resources to battle earthquakes, hurricaines, tornados, volcanos, swarms of killer dire insects and horrible diseases. Will the gods survive when nature itself trembles on the edge? And why the hell can't anyone get a hold of the good-aligned nature goddess/gods? 2FYEW: They took Elminster out first. Fuck him.

[JDCorley]

p.24 druid circles can be found even in cities

Widely considered the least significant druid's circle in all of Faerun, the Waterdeep Blossoms are a group of staff-carrying, robe-wearing losers. They're your 1st level PCs. They have day jobs as street sweepers, gate guards, carriage drivers and shop clerks. But when night falls they put on their robes and go down to their flower-bestrewn park for mysterious rituals, mostly involving getting falling down drunk. But when a mischievious nature sprite needs desperate help in defeating a crazed, magic-wasting wizard, there's nowhere else for her to turn. If you thought Mallrats was a good movie but could use more hitting-people-in-the-crotch-with-sticks jokes, then you'll love this wacky romp of hippie treehugging idiots through the biggest fantasy city in all creation.

2FYEW: Probably he would be on the wizard's side. Moron.

[Pete Whalley]

JD, it's been said already, but You. Fucking. Rock. Keep it up sir :D

[Aesthete]

Brilliant.

Absoloutely.

Brilliant.

[Hands]

I demand more!!!

This is great. I'm sort of eyeing my much hyped, but never run Forgotten Realms campaign again....

Bah, must not get distracted!

Keep the fun coming.

[JDCorley]

Thanks for the good words, gang...suggestions and expanding on hooks definitely helps...

But not as much as.....PAGE 25.

p.25 evil monastic order that follows Shar in lands ruled by evil overlords

A group of monks of the Dark Moon, based at one of the temples deep in a land of brutality and evil, have developed a new kung fu technique and used it to devastate a wizard's tower that was previously thought impregnable. Now a magical power of unbelievable potency is in their evil hands. Will they use it for their own benefit or will it fall into the hands of their dictatorial ruler? Either way, it's sure to cause chaos and destruction and blood to run in the streets. Your group of low-level dweebs are the ony ones who can infiltrate the monastary, after being given magical rings to disguise your thoughts and reinforce your will against overt brainwashing. But can you balance the evil commands of the Dark Moon Masters with your own conscience long enough to locate the magic? Can you stealthily bring down the monastary from the inside? Can you escape with your life? This tense story of lying and betrayal will inevitably be complicated by romance and the temptations of money and power....2FYEW: Oh, sure, Elminster can totally pass as a wussy kung fu mook. Suuuuuure.

[Joe_G_Kushner]

Thumbs up to the OP.

[Mr Adventurer]

Awesome. Just awesome.

[Hands]

Hey, we getting more of these!?!?! I've been waiting!

Well, not waiting, but certainly checking back once in a while. I want to see more.

[JDCorley]

Yes, definitely. In its own time and in its own way. Holidays. Work. You know how it is.

[JDCorley]

p.26 paladins of Chauntea value compassion as much as courage

Tain't easy being the chosen of the goddess, especially when you're cornfed farm boys and farm girls from out in the middle of nowhere apprenticed to a paladin of Chauntea. Learning all those weapon proficiency feats and shlepping over the beautiful countryside getting into trouble with each other, your teacher, and the corrupt officials of your little land. Getting homesick, chasing local hotties, helping the poor and putting some zombies back in the ground, it's a hoot and a holler. Throw out your Lord of the Rings soundtracks, folks, because this campaign uses Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash and all the roots country you can find. If you draw a straight line between O! Brother, Where Art Thou, the Dukes of Hazzard, and any wandering samurai movie you care to name, you reach this warm-hearted rural romp. 2FYEW: Elminster goes, "A hew hew hew hew hew" when he laughs.

[JDCorley]

p.27 Sorcerers can have octopus familiars

Himomis, chaotic good male elf sorcerer
Sorcerer 4
Size M (5 ft., 1 in. tall);
hp 16;
Init +3 (+3 Dex);
AC 13 (+3 Dex);
Attack +0 melee, or +5 ranged;
SV Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +3;
Str 6, Dex 16, Con 14, Int 15, Wis 9, Cha 16.

Languages Spoken: Common, Draconic, Elven, Aquatic.

Skills and feats: Concentration +9, Craft +8, Hide +3, Listen +1, Move silently +3, Profession (fence) +4, Ride +5, Scry +8, Search +4, Spot +1; Extend spell, Familiar.

Sorcerer Spells Known (6/7/4): 0th -- Dancing Lights, Ghost Sound, Light, Mage Hand, Ray of Frost, Read Magic. 1st -- Charm Person, Mage Armor, Shield. 2nd -- Invisibility.

It's a hard knock life being a guy with an octopus for a familiar, particularly one with a curse. You have to carry this bucket around with you everywhere you go, and on certain inauspicious days, it grows to enormous size and starts eating everyone. It's gross when it puts its little suckers on you. It's particularly galling since your little sister named him "Splat" after the sound he made when she tipped him out of his bucket. So now you walk the earth trying to find a cure for Splat's curse, suffering the barbs and vicious remarks of more suave and cool adventurers like the PCs.

[Theron]

It's a hard knock life being a guy with an octopus for a familiar, particularly one with a curse. You have to carry this bucket around with you everywhere you go, and on certain inauspicious days, it grows to enormous size and starts eating everyone. It's gross when it puts its little suckers on you. It's particularly galling since your little sister named him "Splat" after the sound he made when she tipped him out of his bucket. So now you walk the earth trying to find a cure for Splat's curse, suffering the barbs and vicious remarks of more suave and cool adventurers like the PCs.

Not only that, but he can't find Germany on a map.

[joshua neff]

p.26 paladins of Chauntea value compassion as much as courage

Tain't easy being the chosen of the goddess, especially when you're cornfed farm boys and farm girls from out in the middle of nowhere apprenticed to a paladin of Chauntea. Learning all those weapon proficiency feats and shlepping over the beautiful countryside getting into trouble with each other, your teacher, and the corrupt officials of your little land. Getting homesick, chasing local hotties, helping the poor and putting some zombies back in the ground, it's a hoot and a holler. Throw out your Lord of the Rings soundtracks, folks, because this campaign uses Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash and all the roots country you can find. If you draw a straight line between O! Brother, Where Art Thou, the Dukes of Hazzard, and any wandering samurai movie you care to name, you reach this warm-hearted rural romp. 2FYEW: Elminster goes, "A hew hew hew hew hew" when he laughs.

It's Dogs in the Realms!

[Neel Krishnaswami]

Jason, I want to bear your children.

[JDCorley]

It's Dogs in the Realms!

Man, I would call Dogs in the Vineyards a lot of things, but "warm hearted" ain't one of them....

[LeftWingPenguin]

Wow, this thread might actually be selling me not only on Forgotten Realms, but on D&D 3.x in general. You, Mr. Corley, are indeed the man.

[JDCorley]

D&D3 is also a good game, but I won't be sitting here trying to prove that. Instead I will be sitting on the only thing better than page 27....PAGE 28.

Wait that made no sense.

p.28 - Mystra will curse your ass if you intentionally forge another wizard's rune

A family member of a rather sleazy sex wizard comes to your midlevel group of adventuring PC troubleshooters because the wizard is now a useless dunce due to Mystra's curse. He figured he could duck it just for a little while in order to avoid paying his taxes. Now your PCs have to figure out a way to get Mystra to lift the curse without upsetting the whole system of runes that allow wizards, good and evil, to sign their work and mark their territory without fear of contradiction. And maybe they discover that taxes weren't the wizard's only motivation for wanting to masquerade as another...and what happens when an evil, shadowy wizard decides he wants in on the curse-breaking action? After all, it would be very important for his nefarious plans to be able to frame other wizards for his dastardliness... 2FYEW: Elminster doesn't dare piss Mystra off even by reflection. Like, he shouldn't even stand next to someone who Mystra is pissed off at.

[Ithaeur]

Marvellous stuff; funny as all hell, yet eminently playable!

I can't wait to see what you think up next. :)

[JDCorley]

After a holiday hiatus with page 28, we get back to work with...

p. 29 Regions of Faerun

(Seriously, if you can't get any good ideas from a map, I don't even know why you're reading this...but okay...)

GLOBAL MAGICAL WAR!!!!!

Thay's had it up to here with all the Canadians, I mean Faerunians offending them. By offending them, I mean "not giving them money and grovelling at their feet". So they've launched a GLOBAL MAGICAL WAR, allying with forces in other regions. Grab some Risk pieces and put them on the map and move them around going 'KSSH! YAAH! KSSH!' Your gang of low-end warriors in a town militia are pressed into service by the good and decent king to get down to the lines and give your all for country and justice! NOW TAKE THAT HILL!! KSSH! YAHH! KSSH! Will they have a hundred stories to tell by the end of the war? How many will they have to make up? And what about the hot Thayvian who falls in love with their liberator? War! Hunnh! What is it good for? RPG goodness!! 2FYEW: Elminster's on another plane and the Thayvians accidentally knocked over the portal that would let him come back. "Oops!!!"

[joshua neff]

2FYEW: Elminster's on another plane and the Thayvians accidentally knocked over the portal that would let him come back. "Oops!!!"

Oh, hell, he's probably on this plane, at Ed Greenwood's house, regaling him with more tales of Pages from the Mages. And now he's stuck here.

[Mr Adventurer]

If there are not more of these, then there will be trouble.

I'm not threatening anyone or anything. I'm just sayin'.

Trouble.

[JDCorley]

p. 30, big crazy list of regional equipment and feats

p.31 same thing

Hook 1: Amnians can start with thief tools. Like you! You're an Amnian, and you start with thief tools. Of course they're not just any thief tools. They're the thief tools of master cracksman Mack Bayne, the mysterious burglar and rogue who has conquered the hearts of women and the lockboxes of nobility for years. And of course the reason you've got them is because they're very distinctive and the authorities are hot on Bayne's trail. Thus they think YOU are the master thief. And then one of Bayne's old gangs come to help you out - and to collect an old debt...and what's Bayne him(?)self up to? Well, obviously they're planning a big heist that will clear your character's name as you provide distraction....but what if Bayne falls in love with your character? (What if Bayne is not the gender everyone believes them to be?) 2FYEW: Elminster doesn't even HAVE thief tools.

Hook 2: Rock gnomes can start with firearms. Like your crazy brother "Two Guns" Warzay. Nearly deaf after all his gunplay, he's the loudest assassin in all the Realms. Stealth? Who needs it! Just come blasting in! The girls love him, the authorities are confounded by him, and the cool assassins that dress in black and mope around think he's a maniac. And of course he needs a place to "hide out". Naturally a guy who yells nearly everything he says, screws anything vaguely female, eats anything vaguely edible, drinks anything vaguely alcoholic and gets into a lot of very loud fights is hard to hide. But, family is family after all....

2FYEW: Elminster does not have a crazy embarassing violent brother.

PS Extra comedy if the brother is not even remotely near to being a rock gnome. A snooty gold elf or a big dumb half-orc is maximum comedy.

[JDCorley]

p.32 holy crap, more of the same table!

Hook 3: Rashemeni can start with a wand of detect magic. This wand was given to you by your crazy aunt long ago. Renowned as a seer, she insisted you carry it with you everywhere and she said make sure never to use that last charge until exactly the right moment, which you would know. Despite being a seer, she was killed in a freak accident in which her horse was standing under a tree that was struck by lightning, set on fire, fell over on her, set her on fire, and then knocked her into a chasm, where she landed on the one pointy rock. You'd think she'd have seen a danger as unlikely as THAT loud and clear. Still, you're set for your destiny....what if that "last charge" wasn't a magical detection spell at all? What if it was something else. A hidden message, a date with destiny? And why does your new love affair keep eyeing it covetously? 2FYEW: Elminster can die on a pointy rock too.

[Pete Whalley]

I'm loving these more & more. If having a name like JD didn't already make you The Man, then this thread does. Now gimme more.:D

[Theron]

Even though JD Corley's name fills me with fear*, this thread gives nothing but mirth and grand ideas.

"The loudest assassin in the Realms" made me laugh inappropriately loud for my workplace. And I have an office. With a door.

*I had a really, really awful boss years ago who happened to be a JD Corley. I have it on good authority this is not the same guy.

[JDCorley]

p.33 the Artist feat

Truth! Beauty! Love! Trying to get enough money to buy more coffee! It's a tough gig being a poet in the sultanates of Calimshan, but it has its benefits...readings in the harim, for example. Your gang of low-level rogues and bards are writing poetry and music and living the bohemian life of layabouts and artists, tutors to the wealthy and always looking for patrons. But one day when they're in the harim of a powerful sultan, a palace coup sweeps through the land and they find themselves on the run with the hot chicks and beefy palace guards with no shirt that survived. Identified wrongly as the top agents of the sultan, they'll have to win back the hearts and minds of the duped populace through art if they want to return the good-hearted sultan to the throne and get themselves back to their slacker life of truth, beauty and love! But what if love finds you in an unexpected place....

2FYEW: Elminster's fit only for plots, treasons and stratagems. He has no music in him.

[JDCorley]

My name's Jason but my sister calls me "JD", it's cool. ;)

[Neel Krishnaswami]

2FYEW: Elminster's fit only for plots, treasons and stratagems. He has no music in him.

Damn, that's the coldest 2FYEW yet.

[JDCorley]

I forgot to mention that the reason your characters are mistaken for the top agents of the sultan is because they're so damn pretty. And their shirts have ruffles.

[JDCorley]

Rising from the ashes of page 33, it's....page 34.

p.34 Daylight Adaptation feat allows underground races to live on the surface without going all squinty

Old Man Charlie is a blind beggar who is always going around the PCs home town being led hither and yon by whatever kid doesn't have anything better to do. Perhaps he sometimes asks PCs for help with some minor chore. Little does anyone know that Charlie is actually a drow infiltrator who is developing a Daylight Adaptation so that he can successfully be called upon to assassinate the good, stout-hearted folk when the revolution comes. And when he's uncovered and asks the PCs for mercy because he's learned a lesson of love and kindness from the overworld? And when his savage (but hot) daughter arrives to 'liberate' him with a snarling pack of grey lizardlike beasts from the deep? And when this turns out only to have been a ruse while the real drow plot happens elsewhere?

It just goes to show you that blind guys should just be pushed around. You can't trust that they're not evil elves from an underground empire.

2FYEW: Elminster can see.

[JDCorley]

p. 35 High level spellcasters can have formian workers as a familiar if they have an appropriate feat.

Oh, dysfunction.

So...your superior is a sorcerer who was before-preparing a magespell to enter-trap a classnine powerful devil in a unknownable-mysterious jewel-lattice. Affirmative. That is one of his functions.

And...you were carrying the jewel-lattice somewhere and experienced a claw-friction failure event.

Okay, without all the formian talk, you dropped it. Now the boss is kidnapped by his devil enemy and you don't know what to do. Normally you'd be able to fix it, but you don't have two other workers to use your make whole ability with. It's now up to the upper-class diplomatic but adventuresome PCs to help the formian familiar get to a hive where they can find workers, convince the workers (or, worse, the queen) to help them, and then get back to complete the spell and defeat the devil.

2FYEW: Elminster is a wankuselesszero fleshpile discard. Summary ignore!

[JDCorley]

p.36 Mercantile Background feat means you come from a successful merchant family

Uggggh! The hangover!

Last night you wined and dined the whole caravan, you broke out the very best bottles, the finest casks, for your caravan guards and servants and hangers-on and, yes, debtors, all along on this crazy adventure. Your family's a big wheel back in the Dalelands, you bet they are, in those little towns, everyone knows your family name. But now the family wants to branch out, go bigger! Become one of the great trading houses of Faerun! And you're just the good-looking scions to do it! Adventure, excitement, rapiers, ruffled sleeves and collars, cleavage for the ladies and tights for the guys, you're going to be rich, rich, rich!

Then you come over the hill and before you....by all the gods in heaven....it's Waterdeep. The City of Splendours. It's beautiful. It's golden in the morning sunlight.

It's FREAKING ENORMOUS. How in the world are you ever supposed to make your mark in the largest bustling metropolis???

By good natured confidence games, cheating, lying and sharp dealings! By seduction and romance and drama! By duels and formal dances! It's all going to be a spectacular adventure for your Aristocrat/PC Class characters!

If you can only kick this hangover....

2FYEW: Elminster is sleeping it off.

[Mr Adventurer]

*scribbles furiously*

Good, good - then what?

;)

[JDCorley]

p.37 Resist Poison feat, you've built up a resistance by exposure to small doses

It's hard work planning a war against the drow. Sad work too, for the brutal dictatorship under which you live has demanded that all able-bodied men report to Poisoning Camps where their resistance to drow poison is built up painfully and nauseatingly. Your PC group of women and healers will have to decide whether their first priority is alleviating the suffering of those in the camps, or working to overthrow the tyrant. And what happens if the drow threat is just as real as the tyrant fears? Whose blood is going to end up on whose hands? A dreadful, dark game of hard decisions in a time of sorrow.

2FYEW: Elminster in a land war in Asia.

[Pete Whalley]

I'm really quite sorry for bumping a thread from so far back, but...screw it, I want more! Pretty please? I'll make cookies...

[JDCorley]

I have the thread bookmarked, when my holiday break comes, expect a big update! Until then I am running around the house and work like an idiot. Believe me I haven't forgotten about the project....

[Hands]

That's good to hear. There's a chance (albet, a small one), my proposed Forgotten Realms all dwarf campaign might actualy see the light of day based on the insperation I'm getting from your great ideas.

That, and they're just all sorts of fun to read.

[Quendalon]

I have the thread bookmarked, when my holiday break comes, expect a big update! Until then I am running around the house and work like an idiot. Believe me I haven't forgotten about the project....
While you're planning your big update, you might want to consider adding a 2FYEW for p.27!

[JDCorley]

Good catch. 2FYEW for p. 27: Elminster eaten by animatronic squid.

p.38- Spellcasting prodigy feat

Being a first year student at the Waterdeep Institute For Magical Consultation is incredibly difficult. Oh yeah, you're all Spellcasting Prodigies, and you could be off adventuring and/or trying to take over the world, but this is the most prestigious teaching institute and you got called in. The problem is your mentors hate you, and each other, and the magical problems the people of Waterdeep throw at you range from the bizarre to the unsettling, and honestly, prodigy or no, you feel like you're in over your head. And that cute yuan-ti-blooded apprentice keeps giving you the eye...

If you like "Scrubs" and the Harry Potter series, you'll love this comedy-drama game set in the craziest fantasy city ever made....

2FYEW: Elminster is called by a girl's name.

p. 39 - It's common to pay homage to gods you don't worship or have a personal relationship with, sometimes in time of need

It was a bad storm, really bad. The ship was getting tossed around like mad. The sails were torn to shreds, a mast was already splinters, water was filling the hold, lightning, thunder, you were all done for. Then, of a sudden, everything was calm, and a sinister voice spoke from the depths: "Accepted." Someone on the ship was desperately praying to Umberlee, the evil goddess of the ocean, and she now gets to toy with you on your way home. Pushing you off course. Sending zombies crawling up the outside of the ship. Stranding you on deserted islands with evil tribes. The eerie burble of water elementals stalking you through the dark ship. The ship's going to get home....but are YOU? Rent some bullshit ghost ship movies and read "The Odyssey" and you'll have good ideas for this dark, twisted journey...would it have been better to die? And what's those merfolk doing following the ship? Who made the bargain with the evil goddess and what is it?

2FYEW: Elminster is a man of constant sorrow, he's known trouble all his days, he bid farewell to old Shadowdale, the place where he was born and raised, the place where he was born and raised.

p. 40 - Arcane Devotee prestige class, arcane spellcasters who are into a church structure

An Arcane Devotee of Mystra, goddess of magic, decides that now's the time to subordinate the divine spellcasters to the arcane ones in that church. After all, it's supposedly a church of magic. This charismatic devotee begins a scheme of intrigue and backstabbing to bring his allies and flunkies higher into the church hierarchy. Meanwhile your group of travelling monks, sorcerers and clerics serving Mystra are the only ones that are seeing the pattern in all the churches and shrines they visit. Can they stop him? Do they want to? And how come Mystra's keeping her mouth shut about this? What, after all, is the real story on the divine spells of an arcane goddess? A philosophical, political, and mysterious tale that crosses the whole of the Realms.....

2FYEW: As noted before, seriously, Elminster should stay the fuck away from anything involving Mystra. "Your head exploded, you look ridiculous."

[JDCorley]

p.41 - Archmagi get ridiculous power over the channelling of arcane energy itself

The crazed sultan of your little local kingdom is obsessed with modernism and he's had his ear bent by the evil gnomish vizier who hates arcane magic. They've built an engine deep in the heart of the castle that will allow "modernization!" of the kingdom, including streetlamps, indoor plumbing and railcars for transportation of people and goods. They'll be the jewel of wherever your campaign is set. But in order for this to work, you'll have to kidnap an archmage to strap into the machine. Don't worry, the evil gnomish guy already has one targetted and framed for dastardly crimes. When your stout-hearted adventurers brave the creatures and traps of his tower to capture him, they find that although he's got ridiculous magical power, he's also super-old, super-frail and somewhat dotty. Can they get this crotchety old man back to the castle without hurting him? And what happens when they uncover the evil plan they've unwittingly been a part of? What happens when the great-great-grandchild of the archmage shows up and she has cleavage or he's built like an underwear model and a tense battle ensues? A straight up fantastic tale with twists and turns.

2FYEW: Elminster's kids are basically ugly. Don't believe the hype.

[JDCorley]

p.42 - Divine champions are warriors who serve a patron god

It's pretty cool hanging around a divine champion of some good god or another, even if you are just the guys with the spears who carry the heavy stuff. You get to walk the land, everyone's glad to see you, the boss is tough but he'll put anything on the line to help out someone who needs it, the pay could be better but what would you spend it on?

OH SHITTING FUCK HE'S DEAD HE'S POISONED THE TOWN IS FULL OF FUCKING ZOMBIES AND AN EVIL CLERIC IS LASER BEAMING YOU WHILE HE RAISES UP THE CORPSE OF THE BOSS TO BE INHABITED BY A FUCKING DEMON WHO NOW WANTS TO KILL YOU SHIT!!!!

This low-level game starts out nice and turns real bad real fast. Can they make it to the church in the next town and rally the troops? Can they follow all the lessons they remembered from their deceased leader? Can they stick a blessed spear in his neck if it comes to that?

2FYEW: Elminster can't carry heavy stuff.

[JDCorley]

p. 43 - Divine disciples are powerful divine spellcasters who have a special relationship with their patron deity

The very old and well-established (but cozy) town where your group of civically minded adventurers grew up and live has always had a bit of a tug-of-war between the secular authorities such as the lord mayor, the knights of the realm, and the magistrate, and the Divine Disciple of a largely neutral god who controls a powerful church. It hasn't come to open blows, and seems unlikely to, everyone's got the same idea at heart - what's best for the town - and so when there's a conflict, people work it out.

But times change. The Divine Disciple's gotten word from the church and maybe even from the god itself that the higher-up secular authorities are corrupt and will begin using the lower-down secular authorities for graft and evil plots. The lower-down secular authorities consider this nonsense. This time when the tugs-of-war start, they're deadly, deadly serious.

Your characters, respected in the community for many years, must find a way to keep the town from tearing itself apart. Will this get bloody? And who is manipulating this behind the scenes?

2FYEW: Not Elminster, that's for sure. The guy's an idiot. Doesn't live there, doesn't care. Asshole.

[entropy402]

/subscribe

[JDCorley]

p.44 - Divine Seekers are rogues in service to a patron deity

Back from the glory days of adventuring and warfare for justice, your group of mid-level PCs are boozing it up with the profits and impressing the locals with the magic when A) someone notices the really cool gemstone you found at the bottom of that magically sealed treasure chest is gone, and B) a smooth-operating team of Divine Seekers and underling rogues pops up to inform you that your group has stolen a gemstone that can be used by the minions of an evil god to bring about a devastating attack. If you like buddy movies, you'll love this Odd Couple pairing of the rowdy adventurers and the sleek and sassy Divine Seekers as they search after the evil bastards that stole the gemstone...but will they find it in time?

2FYEW: Elminster drank too much.

p.45 - Guild Thieves are organized criminals

Being a little extortion racket attached to the side of a big Thieves' Guild is fun. Damn fun. Nobody messes with you because you're little, but nobody fails to pay because the Guild is big. Plus, free whores! Then a mysterious old man moves onto your street. You go to pick up the week's pay from him and instead, he gives you a geas - a long-term geas to steal a powerful magical item from your gangster bosses and deliver it to him. Now it's double and triple crosses galore as your group tries to steal the item, deliver it, not get caught, and still arrange their revenge on the wizard. If you thought "Heist" was a good movie but could have used more punch daggers, this amoral, fast-talking game is just what the doctor ordered.

2FYEW: Elminster pays like a wuss.

p.46 - Harper scouts are good guy spies

Due to a terrible mixup, the Harper scout in your party accidentally fingered a good-hearted noble for being an evil warlord and as punishment he's been assigned to the "scutwork" of patrolling wilderness areas where damn near nothing ever happens. Yet a team of wilderness-based ranger assassins have moved into the area and are targetting the scout themselves. Did the scout get too close to the truth? Or are the rangers only covering for a deeper evil accessible only in this forest? Since the Harper bosses see his credibility at low ebb, it will be up to him and his allies to gather the necessary evidence and prisoners to bolster the case....

2FYEW: Elminster's the idiot that probably didn't believe your guy in the first place.

[JDCorley]

p. 47 - human female Rashemeni can become powerful spellcasters in that land but are not as awesome outside it, called Hathran

There's a serious problem and the Hathran can't solve it - a shady merchant, a foppish noble and a sinister mastermind have been buying up land along the outskirts of Rashemen and selling it to neighboring lands, shrinking the area in which they can use their place magic little by little. Oh, sure, the power of the land doesn't exactly follow the contours of the country on a day by day basis but it eventually, slowly, catches up. Your low-level team of adventuring accountants and advocates has to travel into the backwater areas and find out who's doing this and why...when they've got the Hathran squeezed down, what's their plan? And where's the huge amount of money needed to do this coming from? Conspiracy upon conspiracy in this mystery for the ages. Plus, hot magic chicks sent you on the mission and cornfed farmer's sons with muscles you could crack walnuts on can help you out.

2FYEW: Elminster would just spend the whole time staring at the Hathrans' boobies.

[JDCorley]

Well, JDCorley, you're almost a seventh of the way done...

I'm forty two-hundred-and-ninety-thirds done. 293 is a prime number.

Is that why you picked those pages to start and stop at?

No.

What have you learned so far?

That I'm right and everyone else is wrong. Well, actually I strongly suspected that from the start, but this has only been confirmation. Also I'm awesome...but I knew that at the start too. I'll have to get back to you on that.

Are you running a Forgotten Realms game at the moment?

No, my wife is not much of a fantasy gaming fan.

What other setting books do you think measure up to the "gold standard" of the FRCS?

I highly recommend Kingdoms of Kalamar for straight-up, no-nonsense fantasy stuff. The Scarred Lands books from White Wolf, now available super-cheap in their online store, also measure up. Midnight is another book that had an idea on almost every page. Outside the realm of fantasy, Omlevex is jaw-droppingly good and doesn't waste a bit of space, and Freedom City is also awesome. Trinity's corebook doesn't quite reach the gold standard of "every page is one hundred percent awesome for play", but it's damn close.

I notice that you steal a lot of shit from different sources.

Yes.

And I also notice that you have a lot of different "PC group" ideas in these hooks. Like the one where you're all 15 year old wizards at a school?

Yes.

So there's no way you could use all of these in the same campaign?

Not without having multiple characters per player. But there's nothing that says you can't, right?

[Mr Adventurer]

Wow, even Chritmas Spirit can't keep this guy down. Probably because Elminster's trapped it in a bottle as a joke, and keeps it in his bathroom. Bastard.

[splattergnome]

It's a hard knock life being a guy with an octopus for a familiar, particularly one with a curse. You have to carry this bucket around with you everywhere you go, and on certain inauspicious days, it grows to enormous size and starts eating everyone. It's gross when it puts its little suckers on you. It's particularly galling since your little sister named him "Splat" after the sound he made when she tipped him out of his bucket. So now you walk the earth trying to find a cure for Splat's curse, suffering the barbs and vicious remarks of more suave and cool adventurers like the PCs.
:)

splatty

[Aesthete]

p.33 the Artist feat

Truth! Beauty! Love! Trying to get enough money to buy more coffee! It's a tough gig being a poet in the sultanates of Calimshan, but it has its benefits...readings in the harim, for example. Your gang of low-level rogues and bards are writing poetry and music and living the bohemian life of layabouts and artists, tutors to the wealthy and always looking for patrons. But one day when they're in the harim of a powerful sultan, a palace coup sweeps through the land and they find themselves on the run with the hot chicks and beefy palace guards with no shirt that survived. Identified wrongly as the top agents of the sultan, they'll have to win back the hearts and minds of the duped populace through art if they want to return the good-hearted sultan to the throne and get themselves back to their slacker life of truth, beauty and love! But what if love finds you in an unexpected place....

2FYEW: Elminster's fit only for plots, treasons and stratagems. He has no music in him.

If anyone ever runs this game, I am very interested in playing.

[Kirby]

JD, this thread is bookmark'd and I'm currently looking for FR on E-bay.

I thank you now and my players thank you in advance.

[Aesthete]

This thread needs some JD love.

[Mr Adventurer]

Seconded.

[JDCorley]

Got a 3 day jury trial coming up soon, but the book's still near my computer at home. :)

In the meantime, audience participation in previous seeds is welcome. Stat out an NPC and show your own awesomeness.

Also, anyone figured out why I picked the pages I did?

[JDCorley]

Thought not......BUT THERE'S NO THINKING ON PAGE 48!!!

p. 48 - Hierophants are extremely powerful divine spellcasters

Well, THAT was a disaster.

The Hierophant probably thought he was doing a good thing when he used his ability to turn undead to put down some skeletons that a nerdy young necromancer raised up. But, well, there's such a thing as channelling divine energy too well. Every piece of undeath in the surrounding two miles was destroyed. Necromantic spells aren't working. All diseases were healed and all infirmities cured. And people aren't aging. And because the rest of the world is getting older and older and getting closer and closer to death, that whole two mile-radius bubble is now impassable. Nothing can get out. Nothing can come in. (Since the Hierophant was of Lathander, it is now constantly dawn - no nighttime, no sunset.) Everyone enjoys it for a while but it's starting to get...pretty miserable. You can't even eat without a create food spell - the plants won't die, they'll grow in your belly. Fortunately your low-level group of adventurers is willing to fix what the powerful Hierophant did. It's just a matter of figuring things out. Was it astrologically portentous? Was it due to some curse? And where did that necromancer run off to anyway? A puzzle to be solved, a mystery world to be dealt with... 2FYEW: Elminster outside the effect.


p.49 - Purple Dragon Knights are the top knights of Cormyr

Oh the aim of our patrol!
Is a prospect rather droll!
For to march and drill over field and hill...
*TRUMPET*
Is a military goal!

Whether they're in the Purple Knights or not, the characters are hired or sent to a border town of Cormyr...on the other side of the border, an evil ruler is putting together a deadly force, but he is popular and important with Cormyrian trade partners, so the Knights dare not attack...The PCs are sent as troubleshooters...and they're drawn into a web of intrigue as the border town is besieged by enemy agents. War seems likely, but who will have the upper hand is still in doubt. Will this be a battle easily won by the valiant Knights, or will sabotage and trickery win the day? 2FYEW: Elminster has to buy stuff from trade partners too y'know!

p. 50 - Red Wizards are required to have magical tattoos

Backstabbing within the Red Wizards has reached unheard-of levels when tattoo ink is poisoned by a Wizard in order to make sure his rivals didn't gain new apprentices or allies in the order. This dastardly crime is heavily covered up by magic at the highest level, although there's a consensus that something must be done. What's done is to kidnap and forcibly enlist the aid of your good-aligned PC investigators to try to figure out who did the deed. When they do find it out, will they tell the truth, or will they try to incite more conflict in the evil organization? 2FYEW: Elminster not kidnapped by Red Wizards.

[Kuhan]

Damn, I was hoping for some more FR goodness. :(

BTW, my guess is that you chose the pages you did because page 7 is about elminster, which would make it pretty hard to do a 2FYEW, and page 300+ is the index. I don't know though, cause I don't have the book on me atm.

[JDCorley]

You thought it was over, but it seems I need to beat this into the ground some more because people Just. Don't. Get. It.

By "It", I mean how great I am. And how right about everything I am. Including how great this book is. Just picking back up reminded me how right I am about everything.

But no matter how great I am, there's something greater.

And that greater thing is.....PAGE 51

p.51 - Runecasters are dudes that cast spells by carving runes in Earth

It sucks being a slave in the Underdark. Seriously, it sucks. You have fungus growing all over you that keeps you weak and diseased. (And only level 1.) The drow torture you for no reason. Your only succor is the faithful healing of the enslaved cleric whose god can barely reach down here. But then one day you were shooting at some food, I mean gathering fungi, when an earthquake revealed a set of runes high up above. Could these runes be the keys to your escape? Only if you can keep the drow from discovering them and using them against you....and why did the earthquake happen just then? Perhaps a dwarven army praying to the god of the earth prepared the runes and had them shake down to where you were - as they attack from above, you will attack from below? Or is it mere coincidence...If you thought "The Great Escape" was a good movie but needed a dark-skinned pointy-eared hot chick in a push-up bra as the head Nazi, you'll love this vicious turn through the blackness...2FYEW: Elminster can't inscribe runes. He's fucking useless. As usual.

p.52 More runecaster nonsense! Like the fact that it can cost a lot of dough to make a rune

Man, it's fun living in this big dwarven city inside and on a mountain. Okay, so if you're not a dwarf, gnome or halfling, you have to stoop when you go inside. But still, the beer's excellent, the food is cheap and the trains run right on time. But the whole place runs on runes - keeps the air fresh and moving even where it would all collect and get nasty and poisonous, keeps the water coming clean and clear, keeps everything chugging along and happy. In fact, you work for one of the more prosperous runemaster elders of the city, doing what has to get done to keep the city running.

Namely, loansharking the living crap out of every goddamn caravan that passes through here from above or below. Runecasting takes money, lots of money, and your protection racket is absolutely necessary to keep the place running.

Or is it? A faction of druids (including one hottie of appropriate species and gender) says that the city's grown too large, it's a beehive in a mountain, and the constant flow of coin down the toilet is a waste that only prolongs the inevitable collapse. And now the city's divided between the runecasters and the druids and where are you going to stand? What if the druids start bringing in their underground monstrous buddies to take some Direct Action? And what if the runecasters order brutal retaliation....and how come the money's drying up anyway? It's a political game of assassination, civil war and tough choices in a axe-wielding metropolis! 2FYEW: Elminster wouldn't pay. Thought he was Charles Bronson. Cut off a finger. After that he told us he wore women's underwear.

[JDCorley]

p.53 Shadow Adepts are silly nongood spellcasters capable of nasty reality-bending stuff

"You're the only ones that can help me." she said. "My shadow's missing."

Being magical investigators in Waterdeep who smoke and hang around in the rain is a pretty good gig for a bunch of wastrels like your PCs who really just want to sit around the nearest tavern and slam their internal narrations together. But an insidious ploy by a master Shadow Adept to steal the shadows of others and turn the corruption of the shadow weave onto them is starting to bear fruit. As the shadowless sicken and waste away into positive-energy wraiths, your gumshoes have to figure out who's protecting this sonofabitch...and why! It goes right to the top! Goons beat up your guys with a chain. "Stay away from the shadow case." they warn. But when someone's partner is killed they're supposed to do something about it. There was a terrible magical accident, the authorities say - or was it really murder? Sexual deviancy and predatory violence around every corner, can you navigate the maze of money and deception and save the innocents that are being ripped apart? James Ellroy is your source on this one, and your destination? Sin City. 2FYEW: Elminster got his nose cut by a midget.

[JDCorley]

p.54 - The start of the Magic chapter. All of creation is magic, frozen in place.

"Well that's funny. This was a magic sword yesterday....oh shi"

Yeah, back in the day, the Netherese were super-magical mega-wizards who manipulated reality itself until they decided to wipe each other out.

And most of the Netherese were punks compared to the guy whose floating city just appeared. He figured that the best way to win against his enemies was to lock his city away in a dimensional pocket and rig it so as to drain the fuck out of the weave wherever he went, so his armies would be the only ones with magic.

Now he's back and gunning for world domination. Red Wizards, Elminster and (rumored) Mystra herself got gunned down first. Who can stop him??

THE KUNG FU FIGHTIN' MONK PCS, THAT'S WHO! Runnin' up walls, jumping off poles and punching through bricks always pays off when you're fighting spellcasters that think they're the greatest. It's a wisecrackin', ass-kickin', 1970s-soundtrack funk mayhem as you unleash on the evil armies of the past with the face-punching of the future. 2FYEW: Rocks fall, Elminster dead.

[JDCorley]

p.55 Wiiiillllld Maaa giiiiiiic!!! *chord played on guitar shaped like lightning*

Come on, you were in junior high, you read fantasy novels, you wrote short stories about "chaos magic", you know you did, you don't need me for this, do you?

Ah well, I suppose I should.

Everyone thinks that pockets of wild magic are places where the Weave is a little on the screwy side.

They're fucking wrong. Well, technically, no, they're not wrong. They're just deluded by religious fanatics. Think about it. Yeah, Mystra's good, and all, but basically everywhere in the Weave that isn't a mythal or wild magic runs by the same rules. Her rules. Her. Fucking. Rules. Neutral Good my ass! She's as lawful as they come, and you with your spellbooks are the fucking proof! The whole world is engulfed with one huge mythal - Her mythal. But a cabal of mid-level sorcerers, clerics and mythal-expert elves are out to shake Faerun right to its core, shatter the Mystran church over the Great Mythal Heresy, and precipitate a war in the heavens, come what may. All you have to do is love the truth, and you're in. Explore deep within the earth to find remnants of lost civilizations to understand their magic. Find evidence of Netherese coverups and modern-day backstabbing. What if someone else knows the secret? What might they do to keep it a secret? 2FYEW: Elminster dead of unknown causes as story begins. Possibly murdered by Mystra to keep his mouth shut. Fun is fun, but this is serious.

[JDCorley]

p. 56 Spellfire is a magic superpower some people get

Silifrey came from the Moonshae islands,
In the backroom she was everybody's darling,
But she never lost her head
Even when she was giving head

She said, hey baby, take a walk on the wild side
She said, hey babe, take a walk on the wild side

And the spellfire girls go
doo
doo doo
doo doo
doo doo doo
doo
doo doo
doo doo
doo doo doo

PCs: pimps and madams with hearts of gold in Waterdeep. The problem: one of the girls develops spellfire. The quandary: evil magi converge on your investments and the authorities don't really much care. "Oh dear, less prostitution and corruption, what will the city do? I will file a report on this right away." There's only one way to get out of this while keeping the loyalties that make your business possible - an elaborate confidence game turning the evil magi against each other! Can you rig the game enough to play with the big boys? Or is it going to get around that anyone that wants to can take what they want from you? Eventually she'll get enough control over her powers to set off on her own. And maybe she'll need help in fulfilling that destiny after all.... 2FYEW: Sex workers are like kryptonite to Elminster.

[JDCorley]

p.57 The power of being Magister, mortal avatar of magic, is given to one person at a time, but a lot of people have misused it to just take revenge on their enemies

It has been a good hundred years since the Magister known today only as the Eyeless received the power. A short-lived Magister, he was a mass murderer who unleashed untold magical destruction on his personal enemies, against who he had held grudges for decade after decade.

And typically when someone kills someone by magic, there's no more problem than when you kill them with a stick. Magic is just another part of creation, after all. But in the Eyeless' case, this "ordinariness" of magic turned into a curse - his magically empowered, suppressed psychosis was so violent against one person that when he disintegrated him, he disintegrated not just him, but the idea of him. And the hole in reality where he used to be has ragged edges that flop back and forth, his destiny unfulfilled, his children unborn, his lover unfulfilled.

It was no big deal at the time. Who could notice a hole in the shape of one man in the vast fabric of reality?

But a hundred years later, his missing great-grandchildren number in the dozens, his unmade money has lost thousands of gold pieces in interest, his unbuilt house is in total disrepair.

Only the PCs, who are by chance present when one of these Missing, sufficiently enraged at their non-existence, project their screeching pain and desperation into the world of what is, know or can know anything is wrong. And they must now find a way to fill the holes, to do what the Missing were destined to but could not, to build the houses unbuilt and find some way to get the universe back on track before it all unravels. 2FYEW: Due to the nature of the incident, Elminster cannot perceive or understand it. In fact, he is affected more strongly than those who do not have his deep connection to the Weave. You can't expect someone to see what isn't there.

[JDCorley]

By the way, I mentioned to my wife that I'm right about everything from now on and she said "Uh huh" so that PROVES it!

But not as much as it proves....

p.58! Criminitly! More rune magic, including disarming and reading runes!

(That's pronounced "cry muh nitt lee!" for those of you in the back rows...)

Kinda creepy down in those old dwaven mines, even if they've been enlarged to accomodate human miners. The problem, your gang of local heroes learns, is that miners have been disappearing down below. Underdark problems? Not necessarily. There are all these runes on the walls...the roguish scholar might know a way to read them without setting them off...but what have they done with the disappeared miners? Turned them invisible? Disintegrated them? Or teleported them to another area of the ancient mines entirely? 2FYEW: Elminster never did an honest day's work in his life and he's not about to start now.

[JDCorley]

p.59 - Circle Magic can be used to cast some seriously high-powered spells even without a seriously high-powered caster

The drought that hit the area is magical in nature, that much you can tell for sure. Even druids and nature clerics are unable to repair the damage and as stores run out, people are dying. Interestingly, a lot of normally good-aligned deities are keeping their hands off it. Why? Well, the drought's being caused by Maztican circle magicians far across the sea in just retaliation for the soldiery's destruction of their homes. The only solution: send locals over to negotiate peace. Can the PCs survive the journey, find the magicians and the soldiers who have gone off the edge? In a land far from home, can they save their people? 2FYEW: Elminster got thirsty, went to bar, got drunk, woke up on other plane. What a dick.

[Thomas D]

p. 22 - instruments of Faerun, including the wargong, made from the shields of fallen enemies

Controversy rocks Waterdeep as the avante garde Harpreet Theater Company over their new production of the classic "War Against The Horde".

I just discovered this thread due to your recent postings and man, that Springtime for Elminster campaign idea sounds like hellafun.

Oh, hey! A fellow Tucsonian!

[JDCorley]

Sup Tucson buddy. Gotta love this rain. There are a lot of theater ideas here. There will be more. When a whole base class of D&D, the bard, is dedicated to performance, and the Realms have a well-developed Shakespeare-style theater, I can see LOADS of adventure ideas. Just pick up the latest issue of Variety.

'Minster's Minstrels Mince Major Moolah!!"

[J. H. Frank]

Hey, Jason? Will you be starting on Eberron 235 pages from now?

[JDCorley]

Hey, Jason? Will you be starting on Eberron 235 pages from now?

No, I actually don't think the Eberron book is quite as good as the FRCS for raw every-page-has-something-you-can-use goodness. It's exceptionally good, it definitely meets the gold standard, but it doesn't set the standard as I think the FRCS does. And certainly Eberron doesn't raise any heated argument about whether it's any good or not.

You could always prove me wrong about the enterprise, though, in a thread of your own!

[JDCorley]

Before going to work this morning there's someplace else we need to go...Page 60!!!

p.60 - Magical portals sometimes use keys

Come on, you read Planescape, why the hell do you need me to give you adventure ideas using portals? All right, all right.

Dad was an accomplished wizard, everyone respected him. Little did you or anyone know that respect wasn't enough. He wanted FEAR. And so, as a result, he created a portal at the bottom of the deepest sea that would open into the throne room of the good and decent leader of the land - the sheer pressure would crush him entirely and level the castle. And Dad made you the key. He hoped to give you the power to rule after him, after all, through intimidation regarding this gate. But just before he could put his blackmail scheme into play, you found out about it, and, terrified, ran like hell. Now it's family drama and magical craziness as you team up with aquatic elves, your youthful buddies, and other ragtag outcasts to try to dodge the minions of your evil father and save the day. If you thought the Goonies and Runaways were good but needed more making out with chicks underwater, this dramatic chase story is for you! 2FYEW: Elminster drowned.

[mathey]

You lost me until the Monks Beat The Shit Out Of Mages one.

It was pretty okay.

[Omar]

If you thought the Goonies and Runaways were good but needed more making out with chicks underwater, this dramatic chase story is for you!

Hope you don't mind that I sigged! this :D

[Mr Adventurer]

Oh thank God this is back. It has been waaaay to long.

[JDCorley]

I've started a play-by-post based on one of these ideas. Check it out at http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?p=6107375

If others would do that for other ideas, that would be spifftacular. More tonight.

[RobertEdwards]

As has been mentioned before:

You Rule.

That looks like ten tons of fun in a five pound sack. I'd love to play a Harum Bard myself, but can't commit the time right now.

[JDCorley]

Damn, lotta thread churn these days.

p.61 - You can build portals

The university is getting a lot of money to build a magical portal for the powers that be. They must want to really use the crap out of it. Anyway, the egghead wizards are here working on this gate and there's always all kinds of spells going off around it. Your PCS? They're the support staff: gate guards, apprentices, scribes, mid-level folks just trying to get a piece of the action. It's pretty easy money. And the wizards all have hotties for offspring, how does that work? Anyway, things are going good, you have to roust a few spies and thieves going after various expensive spell components, and might even have to chase a few successful thieves down before they can get the gems or dragon scales to the black market.

The problem is that right when the portal's about to be finished, someone leaps through it and blows the whole thing up, sending all of you careening out of control, teleported far away with only the supplies on your backs.

And when you get back to civilization you find that you've been framed for sabotage and murder and the authorities are after your ass! Mount up! It's time to ride out and find the bastards responsible for this! It has to be a group active at the other end of the portal, a carefully guarded secret. And once you're there it'll be a tricky business to clear your name. On the way, you'll be good hearted outlaws and bandits and the chicks (and guys) just LOVE that. 2FYEW: Don't believe the hype, his kids are ugly.

[JDCorley]

p.62 - Cleric domain spell list includes the "dwarf" domain

Dwarven churches are pretty cool. They're ornamented with gems and stonework galore. You gotta scrub like hell to keep the underground mold and fungus off them, with a pretty caustic substance, but it's all worth it for the glory of whatever dwarven god it is your PCs are paying homage to this week in return for one of their clerics pulling your PCs' asses out of a cave-in. And taking a little break from adventuring. Then one day as they start scrubbing at the mold that's grown overnight, the mold goes crazy and grows a mouth and tongue and warns that the dwarven god whose church it is intends to throw the underground world of Faerun into chaos by decimating the molds and fungi that form the bottom layer of the food chain there. The balance of nature is at risk! Someone's gotta help!

As it turns out, someone slipped a magical elixir into the bucket of gunk the PCs were going to use - and now the PCs must find a circle of underground druids, very dangerous people, certainly, and persuade them of the danger...and find out who their mysterious benefactor is, and what the full story is. Is this just the opening shot in a portfolio battle between the droven gods and the dwarven ones? 2FYEW: Elminster never worked an honest day in his whole fucking life.

[MUran]

Man. This thread is made of <3 and comedy GOLD.

I do have to say, it's made me look at reading gamebooks in a whole new manner.

^_^

[Jimmy Invictus]

Mr. Corley, you rock. :D

You and this thread rock so hard that nearby crackheads get confused.

This is the first thread I've ever subscribed to.

[JDCorley]

A quick note on romance. A lot of times in these adventure seeds, I say things like "and the chicks will dig it" or "and he's got a hot cousin who's after him" or whatnot. Now, this is meant to be just a placeholder for Romantic Interest. The fact that I'm a straight male means it comes out the way it does and I might not always put in male romantic interests quite as explicitly. I blame the patriarchy. Just put in the Romantic Interest of your choice there.

Thanks for the good words, feel free to contribute and flesh out the seeds. You can also see me obsessively put one of these ideas into campaign design on the Play by Post forum.

[Vuk]

Rocks on toast. This sound so fucking badass in so many ways. If it werent because im allready running a FR campaign i would so be there.


p.36 Mercantile Background feat means you come from a successful merchant family

Uggggh! The hangover!

Last night you wined and dined the whole caravan, you broke out the very best bottles, the finest casks, for your caravan guards and servants and hangers-on and, yes, debtors, all along on this crazy adventure. Your family's a big wheel back in the Dalelands, you bet they are, in those little towns, everyone knows your family name. But now the family wants to branch out, go bigger! Become one of the great trading houses of Faerun! And you're just the good-looking scions to do it! Adventure, excitement, rapiers, ruffled sleeves and collars, cleavage for the ladies and tights for the guys, you're going to be rich, rich, rich!

Then you come over the hill and before you....by all the gods in heaven....it's Waterdeep. The City of Splendours. It's beautiful. It's golden in the morning sunlight.

It's FREAKING ENORMOUS. How in the world are you ever supposed to make your mark in the largest bustling metropolis???

By good natured confidence games, cheating, lying and sharp dealings! By seduction and romance and drama! By duels and formal dances! It's all going to be a spectacular adventure for your Aristocrat/PC Class characters!

If you can only kick this hangover....

2FYEW: Elminster is sleeping it off.

[Bobaloo]

BTW, my guess is that you chose the pages you did because page 7 is about elminster, which would make it pretty hard to do a 2FYEW, and page 300+ is the index. I don't know though, cause I don't have the book on me atm.

I was checking out the actual FRCS last night, and I also pondered the reasoning. Page 7 _is_ Elminster, but I don't think the index is quite at 300. I thought the ending number was in the 290s and 296-7 is Blackstaff. 300 might be Alustriel, so I'll have to recheck at home tonight.

[Bobaloo]

p. 300 is the Gems of Faerun leading to random scroll generation.

[LokiTheTainted]

Why did this die? It deserved far better...

[Eric Tolle]

Why did this die? It deserved far better...

Not enough people clapped their hands.

[johnnype]

Not enough people clapped their hands.

*claps enthusiastically*

[cappadocius]

Not enough people clapped their hands.

Personally, I blame Elminster.

[JDCorley]

It's not dead, believe it or not. :)

In the months since I've updated, I have undertaken a major library reorganization and it's not done yet.

"Months, you say, JDCorley?"

I have a library of over three thousand volumes. I need some time.

But it should return soon.

Anyway, you can expand on existing hooks in this thread in the meantime.

For example:

A bunch of the hooks so far have involved the theater.

Post your ideas for cool theater happenings in a D&D world - and how do we figure out how successful a production is?

[Eric Tolle]

Because I don't really go for a medieval vibe for my FR campaigns, I divide theatre into Grand tTheatre, which is all spectacle and special effects, and Base Theatre, where the stages are practically barren and the focus is on the drama and the actors and actresses.

Oddly enough though Grand Theatre is the purview of nobles, who go there to gossip, meet with their mistresses, and occasionally watch their favorite scenes, and base theatre is associated with the lower classes, their origins are opposite of their current state. Base theatre started off as formal mystery plays for the temples, and Grand Theatre was a bawdy performance for the peasantry, with lots of illusion magic and prestidigitation and the occasional loose barn animal to add to the excitement. When the upper classes found the peasant shows to be great fun, it was cleaned up, pushed into elaborate theatres, and well, made civilized.

But maybe I've been reading too much early Cerebus.

Anyway, as far as success, it’s pretty simple. For Base Theatre, they give you money, don’t chase you out of town, and hide their daughters. For Grand Theatre, the rewards are patronage, snarky things said about you in parties, and if you’re a runaway success, attendance by saboteurs or assassins hired by other companies.

[Celisasu]

This thread makes me want to do a variation which instead of explaining why Elminster isn't involved, instead forces Elminster into the PCs lives in every single situation. ;)

[JDCorley]

p.63 - The Fate Domain is another domain clerics have and it grants uncanny dodge.

Fate clerics are slippery bastards and as a result, your team of Waterdeep casino security thugs and specialists have to constantly be on the lookout for them coming in and screwing up the games. However, the local temple was recently framed by one of your bosses' enemies and you have to find out the truth! Or will they take advantage of your distractedness - were they working together all along? If you thought "Las Vegas" was a good TV show but could use more Shadow Thieves, this is the campaign for you!

2FYEW: Elminster bet his house and lost, currently sleeping in gutter crying to himself.

p.64 - Mentalism clerics can affect your braiiiin, but only Deep Duerra can grant it

In the hardcore nasty world of the duergar, thievery via trickery is rare. Even deep dwarves tend to use literal knives for their backstabs. As a result, when a team of duergar con artists (including some clerics), drow second-basement burglars and greedy fungus monsters loot an entire duergar settlement of everything not nailed down enough that they couldn't pry it up, they're pissed. The only place the evil thieves' consortium can hide out is on the surface, in some abandoned fortress somewhere. And the duergar are on their trail - ripping through the surface world looking for them. Can your team of mid-level adventurers get away with the loot...or will they broker a deal that sends the thieves to their just reward?

2FYEW: Elminster hits his head when he stands up in the Underdark.

p.65 - Retribution Clerics hit back twice as hard!

A church of Tyr based around retribution is the equalizer of the realms, balancing the victimization of the powerless with attacks against those who damage them. In order to achieve this, they field operatives like the player characters across the world, who must exact extremely specific retribution for acts that go unpunished (or insufficiently punished) by the law. Think it's hard to steal someone's treasure trove? See how hard it is to steal 519 gold, 18 silver and 9 copper out of it, smart guy. If you thought the Equalizer was cool but would be cooler with a wisecracking intelligent sword for a sidekick...

2FYEW: Elminster doesn't fucking get it. Idiot.

p. 66 - Trade Domain clerics can read your mind

In lawless areas, Trade domain clerics are valued because they can determine the honesty of deals. However, in a remote jungle area, two tribes have gone to war against the church of Waukeen because a fake cleric tricked them into giving up their sacred relics. Whatever else you can say about Waukeen's work, it pays well...can your player characters settle the war, apprehend the fakes, and get the relics back before the demons they were meant to seal away escape and terrorize all of Canada, I mean Faerun???

2FYEW: Elminster tips like shit. Thus Waukeen hates him.

[JDCorley]

p. 67 - Claws of Darkness, grrrrrr

Yay, you learned to cast Claws of Darkness! Oh shit, you fucked it up and they're on permanently! Or was it...a sabotage? That's right, an evil druid you pissed off for some unknown reason wants to turn you and yours into shadow creatures under his evil control! You'll have to follow his lead as he uses transformed shadow creatures for fell purposes...or maybe there's an even greater evil he's trying to avert! Mind control meets demonic possession in this dark tale of scarynessitude...

2FYEW: Elminster never even learned that spell. No, seriously, it was invented way after he never had to cast second level attacking type spells ever again.

[JDCorley]

p.68 - You need magical tattoo inks and needles to make magic tattoos, dummy

What did you think magic tattoo inks and needles were for, huh?? Sheesh. Anyway, the point is that since your player characters are artists and layabouts and one of them really wants to sleep with the ridiculously unobtainably hot tattoo artist chick (or guy) who looks like a complete bad boy with their dungeonpunk piercings that make old Basic Set D&D players cry like babies, they have to impress them by obtaining these magical tattoo needles supposedly lost forever. Or at least convince them that they have. That's right, it's time to build a fake dungeon! Spread rumors about it, dig some of it out, populate it with hirelings, and pretend to clean it out! Of course when the hirelings accidentally do dig out an ancient evil, and the hot tattoo artist reveals they knew about the ruse all along...

2FYEW: Elminster already rejected by unobtainably hot tattoo artist.

p.69 - Fire stride lets you teleport from one fire to another

Everyone loves Calimshan dancing girls, but who designs their outfits, teaches them, plays the music, finds the clients and handles the money? That's right, your player characters! Having already won at life by obtaining work that allows them to be around adoring, athletic, attractive, hotblooded girls (or guys) all day long, they have an idea for a new show that actually would allow the dancers to dance through flame! Unfortunately, an infiltrator took advantage of the new moves to teleport into a torchlit treasure vault and abscond with the loot! Now it's a romping chase with half-naked girls in tow and an angry phalanx of guards behind across the Realms!

2FYEW: Elminster uses continual light globes because, well, basically because he's a wuss.

[JDCorley]

p.70 - Gembomb! Not actually a cartoon name, just sounds like it

Working in dwarven mines is not necessarily a bad gig. They're safe, the pay is good, the food is...well, it's plentiful, and most importantly, the beer is first-rate. So your short (dwarven, gnomish, halfling) miners are on a stint in the mines, everything is going pretty good. Unfortunately the unwise king launches a dingbat war against someone who probably didn't deserve it and now your production requirements are going up, the tunnels have to be dug deeper, faster, and there's accidents on the job...the miners are getting restless...but they need those scut-gems in order to fuel the gemstone launchers. It's a tense situation, will it end in unionization and political pressure, outright rebellion, or will one of those long tunnels collapse and it's a complicated rescue operation that has to go through the Forbidden Layers...

2FYEW: Elminster too tall to fit.

[JDCorley]

p. 71 - Greater Fantastic Machine, any setting is better with mecha

While excavating for the new Palace Of Knowledge, a bunch of gnomish dingbats accidentally sent their Greater Fantastic Machine into the heart of an inactive volcano. Okay, not a big deal. This is sort of like dropping a nickel into a bathtub. It's not gonna cause a tsunami. And hey, free steam. Free steam! ...well, no, the problem is that the volcano is inhabited by fire elementals and ifriit who have not been outside since the djinni ruled Faerun and they're pretty POed. That's where your hippie treehugging nature-oriented PCs come in. They have to propitiate the fire demons before they unleash a rain of lava on the dingbatted gnomes...and then they find out the gnomes want to pipe a bunch of water in for that free steam??

It ain't gonna be pretty.

2FYEW: Elminster, though a hippy, does not hug trees. That's too much like foreplay and he's too selfish to have foreplay.

[JDCorley]

p.72 - Moon Blade! If you yell it when you attack, it helps, I think

Everyone knows moon blades scramble magic, but did you know what they do to lycanthropes? Yep, they put them in permanent berserk frenzy mode. A psychotic nature cleric is stalking a lycanthrope-infected woods and urging them into frenzies that are ripping apart all the forest villages. Can your do-gooders stop them before the infection grows too strong?

2FYEW: Elminster left after he found out there were no magical schoolgirls yelling 'moon blade'.

[JDCorley]

p.73 - Scatterspray has got to be the most annoying spell ever made

How were your teenaged magicians apprentices supposed to know that the visiting archmage had OCD and needed those items arranged just so? Now he's freaking out and blubbering because you played a little trick on him...and he's due to solve some terrible magical problem! You'll have to ferry him along and through impersonation, illusion and sheer chutzpah try to cover everything up! If you think Weekend at Bernies would be great if Monk was in it, you'll like this scenario!

2FYEW: Elminster touches everything

[Piñata Tsunami]

Holy hell. If I didn't want to stay on these forums already, this thread alone would've made me. :eek: :cool: :D

[LokiTheTainted]

p.68 - You need magical tattoo inks and needles to make magic tattoos, dummy

What did you think magic tattoo inks and needles were for, huh?? Sheesh. Anyway, the point is that since your player characters are artists and layabouts and one of them really wants to sleep with the ridiculously unobtainably hot tattoo artist chick (or guy) who looks like a complete bad boy with their dungeonpunk piercings that make old Basic Set D&D players cry like babies, they have to impress them by obtaining these magical tattoo needles supposedly lost forever. Or at least convince them that they have. That's right, it's time to build a fake dungeon! Spread rumors about it, dig some of it out, populate it with hirelings, and pretend to clean it out! Of course when the hirelings accidentally do dig out an ancient evil, and the hot tattoo artist reveals they knew about the ruse all along...

2FYEW: Elminster already rejected by unobtainably hot tattoo artist.

p.69 - Fire stride lets you teleport from one fire to another

Everyone loves Calimshan dancing girls, but who designs their outfits, teaches them, plays the music, finds the clients and handles the money? That's right, your player characters! Having already won at life by obtaining work that allows them to be around adoring, athletic, attractive, hotblooded girls (or guys) all day long, they have an idea for a new show that actually would allow the dancers to dance through flame! Unfortunately, an infiltrator took advantage of the new moves to teleport into a torchlit treasure vault and abscond with the loot! Now it's a romping chase with half-naked girls in tow and an angry phalanx of guards behind across the Realms!

2FYEW: Elminster uses continual light globes because, well, basically because he's a wuss.

Both of these are incredible. Their theft is sorely tempting.

You continue to rock.

[BreakfastOfChampions]

This is great! So many good ideas! http://www.drunkduck.com/Taking_Stock

[JDCorley]

Don't fight about fourth edition, fight about....

Page 74! Spider curse, spider curse, curses whatever a spider curses

Life is pretty good when you're a droven household in a small Underdark city that just stabbed the shit out of its only serious enemies in town. There's only that crazy old cleric-sorceress bitch and your minions will have her hunted down and flayed before too long. In the meantime, enjoy the sex slaves, the tribute paid by the mind flayers next door, the glowering hatred of the dwarves up the tunnel, and rule with the usual iron fist.

You probably shouldn't have overlooked that your minions and much of the city have gotten pretty excited about a new inexpensive, attractive style of jewelry... but you did, and now every night more and more people are turning into driders under the control of...of course! Your vicious enemy! Time to lube up those obsidian daggers with poison, strap on the magic push-up bras and/or loincloths and begin the hunt. Before the whole city is out to bite your head off...

2FYEW: Elminster looks shitty in push-up bra no matter what he thinks.

p. 75 "Thunderlance" - named by a wizard with adequacy issues

This siege is getting ugly. Yes, you and your good-hearted, brave comrades have eliminated the resupply lines and because it's a Red Wizard you've chased into an ancient keep, all his buddies have wisely decided that you and your army is too much fucking trouble to deal with. That said, the evil bastard has turned a lot of his apprentices and warmages from lobbing fireballs to magical resupply, so he can almost certainly hold out - maybe longer than you can, as the messages from the home front are getting more and more desperate about the cost of the conflict and the menaces of other forces in the area...you don't have time to wait, you have to break this siege now.

There's only one thing to do: get a squad of suicidally competent player characters, outfit them with thunderlance scrolls, and get them into the tunnels under the keep. You know the bad guys aren't doing anything down there, because nobody sane would. With the dwarven engineers leading the way, they're going to thunderlance the shit out of the keep walls from the one place where they're weak - from below. If you know what "hoist by your own petard" actually means, and what "The Battle of the Crater" is, this war story is for you!

2FYEW: Elminster is back at home trying to convince your bosses to stop the war because he's a filthy hippy, plus he went to wizard school with this guy and just can't believe he's a genocidal asshole.

[JDCorley]

And you thought I couldn't get through that spell list. And you were WRONG. I am still right about everything! It's a burden.

Just to prove it, on the first non-spell list page in a while, I'm going to give you...a spell!

p.76 - Nomadic hunters wander the icy barrens of the Great Glacier

Prevent Frostbite
Transmutation

Level: Drd 2
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: Personal
Target: You
Duration: 1 hour/level

This spell prevents the user from suffering any damage or ill effects as a result of environmental cold. They may walk naked through a blizzard with no difficulties, feeling only a faint numbness. This allows the barbarian druid-hunters of the Great Glacier to wear extremely light furs instead of heavy, thick clothing when hunting during inclement weather or in the rare but not unheard-of winter emergency. A light fur outfit and white-painted skin gives them excellent camouflage and much faster movement than the often blubbery prey of the far north.

This spell has no effect on intentional ice or cold magical attacks, only the natural elements.

2FYEW: Elminster only clubs baby seals.

[JDCorley]

p.77 - Calendar of Harptos

As with the map, if you can't think of any adventure ideas from a calendar, I don't know why I'm even bothering, but okay, here goes.

Shieldmeet is a time when the people are supposed to meet with their rulers. Which is great and all but things have not been going that well. Crops are low. Trade is at a standstill. The sewers are backing up. The volcano erupted. The church closed its doors after giving out its last crumbs of bread to the poor. This Shieldmeet is going to be a disaster. An absolute disaster. For the first time in this tiny little Dales' history!

Unless something can be done. That's where your PCs come in. Political fixers from Waterdeep. Think tankers from wizard schools. Old veterans who've seen the elephant. Your team's got to get the country back on track before Shieldmeet, both to assuage the conscience of the overwhelmed but good-hearted ruler and to prevent it from becoming a revolution ending with his head, and maybe yours, in a basket. If you thought West Wing would be great if it had a time limit like 24, this game is for you!

2FYEW: Give me a break. I don't feel like standing here, taking a civics lesson from a hooker.

[JDCorley]

p.78 - Years have names that are mysterious portents...

...and it's a fucking pain in the ass!

So everyone thinks Candlekeep is all that, and it is, but come on, predicting the events of a year by its name?? It's so stupid that, of course, unlike the esoteric but accurate avenues of astrology and pig entrails, it actually caught on with the public. And now every year everyone spends the whole time talking about the portent. A lot of the time everyone is looking so hard for the portent to come true, you don't actually have to do anything to make it come true.

But the top brass at Candlekeep can't take that chance.

Enter your super-stealthy team of rogue-wizards and monk-wizards. This year is the Year of the Bent Blade. You've a year to come up with a way that a bent blade could change the course of history, and make it happen. Infiltration, double-dealing, fake identities, rumormongering and controlling the press, all of those things are necessary to make this thing work.

Or maybe this is how it was fated to happen anyway?

2FYEW: Elminster up to his knees in pigs entrails.

[JDCorley]

p.79 - Helmthorn has delicious berries and big ginormous thorns

You and your family have lived on the side of this mountain for years, ever since great great great great great grandpaw pissed off someone or other down in the valley and you got exiled up here to a plot of land that nobody would ever be able to scrape any living off of. A few generations of druids and nature clerics, though, have made the scrubby, rocky ground sprout a vine that actually can survive and thrive up here - the helmthorn. You harvest the thorns (carefully) to be made into cheap sewing needles for the farm folks, the berries for juice and wine and all manner of deliciousness, the wax from the leaves for inexpensive sealing-wax (colored and perfumed by the berries, naturally) and so on.

You're just another part of small town life in the valley.

Until your goofy layabout brother who nobody ever thought would amount to anything figured out exactly the right recipe for Helmthorn wine and now they're selling it for five hundred gold a bottle in Waterdeep and every shady dealer, speculator, nasty character, and scheming gruesome is headed down here to buy, intimidate, assassinate, bribe, or cheat the family farm out from under you!

And what happens if your sister decides to sell her share?

And what happens when you fall in love with one of the speculators' best bribery experts?

And what happens if they fall in love back?

It's a crazy hillbilly ride, that's what!

2FYEW: Elminster, drunk, passed out.

[Pete Whalley]

p.78 - Years have names that are mysterious portents...

...and it's a fucking pain in the ass!

So everyone thinks Candlekeep is all that, and it is, but come on, predicting the events of a year by its name?? It's so stupid that, of course, unlike the esoteric but accurate avenues of astrology and pig entrails, it actually caught on with the public. And now every year everyone spends the whole time talking about the portent. A lot of the time everyone is looking so hard for the portent to come true, you don't actually have to do anything to make it come true.

But the top brass at Candlekeep can't take that chance.

Enter your super-stealthy team of rogue-wizards and monk-wizards. This year is the Year of the Bent Blade. You've a year to come up with a way that a bent blade could change the course of history, and make it happen. Infiltration, double-dealing, fake identities, rumormongering and controlling the press, all of those things are necessary to make this thing work.

Or maybe this is how it was fated to happen anyway?

2FYEW: Elminster up to his knees in pigs entrails.

Dude, that's the best one yet. I take it all back, you are as righteous and awesome as you've been trying to tell us.

Also, it's cheered me up considerably to come into work on a bank holiday and see this thread back up and shambling along like some kind of Elminster spawned zombie sex doll. Cheers.

[JDCorley]

p.80 Suth-wood grows sideways, and can intertwine with other trees

Ages ago, a druidic couple decided that they would bless both their love and their forest by creating for themselves a vessel, a pair of immortal suth-wood trees, whose intertwining trunks and branches would be at the center of their beloved forest, tended to by nymphs and spirits and hippies.

Who are therefore baffled that the trees have started to violently grow away from each other. Normally friendly animals are turning on each other, evil forces are entering the forest and all the balance the druids worked for is out of whack.

They're just plain sick of each other.

It's up to the player characters how best to work this out - do they just need a break? Or a full on "divorce"...? And how do you negotiate between two trees?

2FYEW: Probably Elminster tried to fuck the tree with the druid chick in it. God damn Elminster, fucking trees all the time.

[JDCorley]

p. 81 - Everyone in small or prosperous towns has their own garden

That's right, we're getting plot ideas from gardening magazines, that's how good the FRCS is.

The upcoming county fair is the biggest thing in your small town. Plus it's the one time of year the halflings get the props - they always win the gardening contests by some ridiculous amount. Archery contests, races, pie eating contests, it's gonna be a hoot and a holler!

But this year is the year things get out of hand, due to some bored small town aristocrats taking their betting too seriously! Sabotage in the hedgerows! Fixing the church choir sack race! Romancing the girl organizing the amateur play! And then goblins actually invade on the day of the fair, but everything's in such chaos, will anyone notice? Only your exasperated regular-joe PCs! If you thought Wodehouse was funny, but needed more hobbits throwing rotten pumpkins at each other, follow your Aunt Dahlia down to this kooky comedy spectacle!

2FYEW: Tinkerty-tonk! And I mean that to sting.

[JDCorley]

p.82 - If there's a big temple of someone nearby, people tend to worship them instead of who they might normally be angling for

Everything was just fine until they started building that giant gaudy temple to Waukeen in hopes that she would bless the trade road that's sucked up the treasury of the county for the last ten years. It sucks! You and your bunch of Chauntea-worshipping troublemakers like life in the slow lane and these big city developers are gonna come in and ruin it.

Unless you can sabotage things!

Direct action probably isn't a good idea, after all, the dopes they have with shovels and pickaxes are just regular shmoes. But you can't let nature be paved under a road of gold, you just can't! So you'll have to get influence among the workers, figure out the resources of the backers, and play a game of death by a thousand cuts, all while dodging the authorities on your horses while getting drunk on moonshine...

2FYEW: Right about that time the old Duke boys were showing Elminster what a Hazzard County Fair race was all about

[Neil Bishop]

I was hoping this thread might see some more action before the 4E version of FR is released.

[cappadocius]

Yeah, that lazy-ass Corley owes us 211 more adventure seeds.

[JDCorley]

I took a long break when someone very virtuous and pleasant and wonderful asked me to leave rpg.net. I may or may not return to this thread, I'm still considering it. :)

[demiurge1138]

Please do return. This thread was epic.

[Bobaloo]

I really enjoy the thread so far.

I'm also extremely curious about the pp. 8-300 distinction. I tried to put some thought into it... (posts 108-9). FWIW, I'm still convinced part of it as the p. 7 is Elminster...I just can't figure the end point reason.

[Keefe the Thief]

It´s a little bit sad that the "new" Elminster won´t be trying to steal the word-saving event from the players. So no more cool explanations why he can´t do it right now. ;)

[cappadocius]

I took a long break when someone very virtuous and pleasant and wonderful asked me to leave rpg.net.

Was it me? :confused:

[JDCorley]

It´s a little bit sad that the "new" Elminster won´t be trying to steal the word-saving event from the players. So no more cool explanations why he can´t do it right now. ;)

Actually, in the first post, I point out that Elminster never stole the world-saving event from the players and anyone who followed the rules would never have him do so. 2FYEW is a giant middle finger to everyone who whines about Elminster, not to Elminster himself (who, as I have conclusively demonstrated, is just another character in the setting to be included or not-included as you like.)

And no, capp. :)

[Joe_G_Kushner]

So whose going to do this for the 4e version?

[Lauren]

Arise, zombie thread!

p.68 - You need magical tattoo inks and needles to make magic tattoos, dummy

What did you think magic tattoo inks and needles were for, huh?? Sheesh. Anyway, the point is that since your player characters are artists and layabouts and one of them really wants to sleep with the ridiculously unobtainably hot tattoo artist chick (or guy) who looks like a complete bad boy with their dungeonpunk piercings that make old Basic Set D&D players cry like babies, they have to impress them by obtaining these magical tattoo needles supposedly lost forever. Or at least convince them that they have. That's right, it's time to build a fake dungeon! Spread rumors about it, dig some of it out, populate it with hirelings, and pretend to clean it out! Of course when the hirelings accidentally do dig out an ancient evil, and the hot tattoo artist reveals they knew about the ruse all along...

2FYEW: Elminster already rejected by unobtainably hot tattoo artist.

I love this and since I already have a tattoo artist in my game I think I'm going to play around with including this.

Also, this thread is awesome.