Fully-formed sexuality in RPGs

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Post originally by Johnny McKenna at 2004-02-13 13:05:06
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I, too, am solely disppointed in the number of books for RPGs that handle sexuality in a mature way. But I think that instead of focusing on the fact that none of the books in this article fill the "void" of sexuality in the RPG world, we should recognize that at least works such as these are being presented at all. It marks a gradual evolution, and like all such things, it must begin somewhere if it wants to get any better.

That's not to say anything against the books. I personally find what I've seen of "Book Of Erotic Fantasy" to be quite well-done, mature, and complex, at least in terms of the subject in relation to the game. The problem with sexuality in games lies not in the product lines, but in the audience.

While there are plenty of well-adjusted players out there who are well-equipped to handle the topics presented in these books in a serious manner, there are just as many (and most likely more) gamers who are unable or unwilling to deal with this topic in a game. So many times I have heard "BoEF" called "lame" and such simply for talking about sex at all. Many people feel these books aren't needed, that this topic is unworthy of discussion or inclusion in a game. It pains me to admit that most of the gamers I know limit their sexuality in an RPG to the occasional lusty bar wench, tortured and romantic vampires, or simply giggling at the mere thought of sexual activity.

Until the audience for material such as these books grows, there will not be a diverse selection, and there will be no drive for manufacturers to create products that are of a higher quality. Couple this with the unfortunate and strengthening puritanical and repressive atmosphere of countries like the U. S. in regards to sex, and the effort becomes difficult indeed. For gods' sakes, the whole country flips out if a singer bares a breast for a second on television.

I'm still trying to get a copy of "BoEF", the only object being its price in regards to my budget. As for the "extreme" photographs, what is extreme to you is tame to others and vice versa. Anything's better than the boring warrior-woman-with-big-yayas illustrations.

--JKM

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Post originally by Jesse Hill at 2004-02-13 22:14:38
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Maybe I'm just immature at heart, but while I can see where sexuality might be useful in a game, there is something inherently creepy about roleplaying it with some of my best buds. I'm probably just as (slightly) homophobic as the next guy, and as the DM I simply couldn't play the heroine for any sexual adventures my group's PC's might "entertain." I'd just feel way to uncomfortable?

Does this make me immature or some sort of prude? I don't think so, I think it just makes me a typical male.

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Post originally by Breklor at 2004-02-13 22:26:27
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Nah, it makes you not comfortable role-playing overtly sexual topics with your current gaming group, and so you shouldn't do it.

I'm pretty lucky; my gaming group is mostly female and nearly all of us are (reasonably) sexually mature. We're also all a bit on the kinky side, or at least kink-friendly.

Even so, we don't role-play sex explicitly. As DM, I use phrases like "She makes her intentions *very* clear," and "You enter the festhall. People are engaged in all manner of... *activities*."

When a PC is about to engage in sexual activity with someone else, be they PC or NPC, I might have them roll a single d20 and just off the cuff rule, "You spend a long and very enjoyable night together, in spite or perhaps because of the fact that people in adjoining rooms are banging on the walls all night long..." Or "It doesn't seem to be working for you tonight."

I just don't see the need to role-play sex any more explicitly than that. It's an important part of characters' lives and so it should be included, but if you're uncomfortable making goo-goo eyes at another player or GM in the course of the discussion, then just back off to suitably vague language. It's not hard. If you really want to role-play sex, check out the sex channels on IRC, or call a phonesex operator. Or play FATAL.

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Post originally by Stein at 2004-02-16 00:41:55
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"I just don't see the need to role-play sex any more explicitly than that."

- Well to me that's about as interesting as 10 minutes of combat being descibed this way:

Player: "I attack the troll!" - *rolls d20*

GM:
*rules off the cuff - " The troll proceeds to beat you into a pulp, in spite, or perhaps because of the fact that you hit him hard in the groin with your mace."

- might work for some, but then what's the point of rulebooks?

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Post originally by The Sigil at 2004-02-17 17:25:10
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Or, alternatively, it's the same as...

"You spend an hour cleaning up your campsite in the morning. After breakfast, the ranger sharpens his weapons; the fighter oils his armor; the cleric meditates and prays, and the wizard memorizes his spells. Before you go, you all take a bathroom break."

There are certain parts of any endeavor that are glossed over. Do you roll for - or role-play - every meal your character eats to determine whether it was good or not? Do you roll - or roleplay - every "potty break?" No? Why not?

Answer: *Because they're not important to the overall advancement of the game and story.*

Now, I'm going to ask you... honestly... is every sexual encounter important to the overall advancement of the game/story? Are many? Are some? Are a few? Are none? My guess is that in nearly every game out there, the answers will fall almost exclusively into the "few" or "none" categories.

You may have a character who has a sexual fetish. I may have a character who has a food fetish (likes ketchup on EVERYTHING or eats a piece of butterscotch with every meal or won't eat potatoes and fish together or whatever). You'd get annoyed with me if I asked, "is there ketchup?" at every single meal. I do it once or twice, we get a few laughs, and I revisit it every session or two just to keep the "gimmick" going. You don't WANT to worry about such a minor thing (in gaming context) all the time.

Similarly, I think in terms of advancing the game, 999 times out of 1000, making a remark or two about your foot fetish or your lesbian activities or your barbarian's appraisal of the local barmaid's bountiful bosom suffices to keep things in character without getting overboard... you would get annoyed with me if my barbarian offered his appraisal of the bosom of every single female character you met in the game. It goes from "character trait/gimmick" to "play-disrupting annoyance."

Kind of like real-life... I have a step-sister who is a lesbian, and she doesn't say, "hi, I'm a lesbian and you have to be okay with that." She says, "Hi, I'm Carolyn*." Just the same way I don't show up somewhere with my wife and say, "Hi, My name is Sigil and I'm heterosexual." It just isn't that important. It's not the thing that defines me. Her sexuality is part and parcel of who she is. My sexuality is part and parcel of who I am. It doesn't define me. My character's sexuality - or love of ketchup - doesn't define him. It's just a part of who he is. As such, it is not pushed to the forefront except in special circumstances.

* (name changed)

We take on different "defining personas" at different times - at work, you may be "IT Guy" or "Waitress Girl." That doesn't sum you up, but it DOES identify the role you play in that environment. At home, I'm "Dad" - that's not all I am, but it's the most important role I play at home. In RPGs, there is ample reason to be "Cleric Guy" or "Thief Girl" - or "Dashing Negotiator" or "Skulking Scout" - it's all part of the "working environment" that advances the story. While some campaigns will need to have sexual encounters as part of that "working environment," (e.g., a political intrigue campaign where part of the mission involves seduction and extraction of information in the bedroom setting or in a situation where a character needs/wants to produce an heir), I think most of the time Sex in RPGs is kind of like eating or peeing. It's something that gets done "off-screen" because it has no direct bearing on the advancement of the over-arcing story.

It's the same reason there were no sex scenes in the Lord of the Rings... sex scenes aren't integral to advancing the plot of the story.

My 2 cents. Sex has a limited place in RPGs, but because it's so limited in scope, I think the reason we have seen so few sexual supplements (even though "sex is a big part of our lives") is the same reason we have seen so few supplements on eating and foods or on bathroom habits (I assume eating and peeing are big parts of most of our lives, too)... because they simply aren't usually needed in the overall scheme of advancing stories/characters (again, certain exceptions apply, but the general idea holds).

--The Sigil

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Post originally by Ross Winn at 2004-02-17 22:36:11
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I think that between the two extremes there is a middle ground, I just don't think anyone has found it in a published game or supplement.

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Post originally by MountainGoblin at 2004-02-18 12:29:40
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That sounds very much like my own opinion on the subject, only much better spelled out than what I have the time to write. :) Thanks.

Another point to take into account in this discussion is that sex is generally happening to an individual character (or characters seperately) rather than to the whole group. Nobody wants to stop playing while one of the players spends twenty minutes working out the details of his sexual relation with the bar wench or even the adorable princess or charming prince, just the same way few players are willing to spend twenty minutes waiting for the shadowrun decker to do his run (Shadowrun's Matrix system is notoriously slow)... And in the case of the Shadowrun decker, that IS often to advance the story, which is not often the case with sex.

So sex can and should, at least for me, stay in the background, not on any moral or personal basis, just simply because role-play is essentially a GROUP activity, and in order to respect everyone's playing time and activities, no more time than absolutely necessary should be spent on any single player (things like handling downtime RPG forums or single player sessions excluded).

Finally, the actual mechanical details of any given sexual situation are not all that important... I mean, unless it is vitally important the some brave hero completely satisfy the lecherous Kobold Queen (memories of an old Dragon resurfacing, I think), it's not all that important to know just how many times the barbarian and the sorceress did the dirty and who ended up longing for a smoke. In fact, it seems downright silly to me: in my mind, sex is not so much about performance ratings and successes or botches, it's simply about two people trying to share pleasure. You can have critical successes or botches, but just so long as no one leaves feeling "cheated" or used, that's the really important part!