Teh Sexay in teh LARP.

[Levi]

Let me be really, really frank.

I first started going to regular LARP games for the chicks. I stayed for a lot of other reasons, but I went for the women.

LARP games are social. They involve dressing up. They involve showing off. They involve high-intensity personal situations. And, yes, people have been known to hook up as a result.

What are your thoughts on this?

[Turbo]

Let me be really, really frank.

I first started going to regular LARP games for the chicks. I stayed for a lot of other reasons, but I went for the women.

LARP games are social. They involve dressing up. They involve showing off. They involve high-intensity personal situations. And, yes, people have been known to hook up as a result.

What are your thoughts on this?

My LARP group (I was a player, then a ST) was also my biggest social circle in undergrad. And yes, there was the niceness of hot costumes, and yes, all of the women I've slept with I knew through said LARP group.

Sure, it can get very complicated as people break up and shack up with other people, but that'll happen pretty much anyway. The gender ratio tends to be a hellova lot more balanced than in tabletop games (or CCGs, or Wargames, etc.), and I love the scale which LARPs can achieve, though I prefer tabletop as a performance/storytelling form.

So, overall, I'm a fan. As with anything, people should be mature and responsible and not take a LARP as an excuse to be a manipulative bastard, but if there's the space to feel attractive or for people to explore ways to feel comfortable in their own bodies/sexuality, then it's all good. :)

[Redfeild]

Dose not happen in my chapter anymore. All the females here have gotten married and have at least one kid. We get out of towners now and again but they seem much more interested in game.

[angelsorayama]

Let me be really, really frank.

I first started going to regular LARP games for the chicks. I stayed for a lot of other reasons, but I went for the women.

LARP games are social. They involve dressing up. They involve showing off. They involve high-intensity personal situations. And, yes, people have been known to hook up as a result.

What are your thoughts on this?

Hmm...

On the one hand, you are connecting with a person who shares your pasttimes... and if it works out, then that's awesome...

On the other hand... if it doesn't work out... it can get very messy. Ex's fighting in character for no reason, ruining each others' enjoyment of the game (and sometimes other peoples) and causing the ST a helluva headache... ex's leaving games because they don't want to associate (more mature but still crappy). All sorts of backbiting and cliquish in-fighting when people take sides...

But then again, this will happen in any social circle.

And sexay is teh good for teh roleplaying image. I'll take hot chicks over the stereotypical basement gamer any day! :D

[invisible_al]

Happens all the time, like any hobby people socialise with each other and go out. Met my first girlfriend at a LRP game I was in at the time. But I'd save the flirting for the pub afterwards as doing it when you're pretending to be someone else can get messy. Saves a lot of headaches and confusion if you do it after time out.

[Peter Svensson]

Some friends of mine married after meeting in a LARP. They have now seperated, but still game together. It's awkward.

[Ambrogino]

I met my wife and my previous long-term girlfriend at LRP events. Both in the downtime late at night after a really intense day/evening. But I started LRP'ing at 11 or 12, so I'm pretty sure I wasn't in it for the chicks back then.

[vuron]

LARP and SCA events seem to always involve a good amount of sexual relationships. It's always been something I've felt was kinda odd but I guess if you get a large number of men and women interacting on a social basis you are bound to get the occasional relationship.

I think that people have somewhat formalized rules for social interaction in LARP and SCA allows people to have a greater degree of confidence than they would have at a singles bar. The fact that you get to act like someone else at least part of the time is also an aide to breaking the ice. Once you break the ice it's much easier to establish a relationship if sex is on the minds of the participants.

Interesting enough I find that most people in the conventional dating scenes tend to be "acting a part" at least in the initial phases of meeting someone else.

[pawsplay]

I think it's a very cool thing. The only downside is that some people do treat it as primarily a meat market, and this can result in less Gaming Funand more hurt feelings or annoyance.

One of my pet peeves is vampire chicks who touch me inappropriately. That is to say, rather than simply laying their arm on me or stroking my cheek or something, they actually grab onto me in such a way that I would have to pry them off or ask them to move their hand in order to escape. It always sets my little alarm bells doing... on occasion, I've had to resist the impulse to break fingers.

Never flirt with the safety off.

[James Holloway]

I actually got together with my wife through a LARP, and it was at least partly to do with my costuming for the session. What can I say? I look good in evening wear.

The secret is that pretty much all guys look good in black tie.

[Black_Flame]

In the Werewolf game I ST for, the male female ratio frequently swings towards the female side.

And yes, there are many females of Teh Sexay variety. In fact, my long term (holy crap, it's almost a year and a half) SO I met at the game.

The game was actually founded by a married couple. There's been at least one engagement of players since I joined the game going on three years ago, numerous hookups, and a number of couples formed. Actually, make that five engagements (hey, I'm thinking back over three years, gimme a break). There's two marriages in there.

And that's just this one single game.

I know... 9 couples that met through Larp, and got married (and all of them are still married). I probably actually know more than that, but there are a number of people I know tangentally so I wouldn't know if they met at the larp or came together as a couple from the outset.

But yeah; Larp Chicks are Teh Sexay. It's awesome if you can manage to land one that things actually work out with.

Though I always caution: Larpers are people who create drama as an entertaining passtime, and that has a inpact on the personal drama in thier lives...

BlackFlame

[mrlost]

I would caution against dating fellow LARPers it leads to awkward situations, kinky sex, stressful relationships, followed by more awkwardness.

I've had a bad experience with a girl who though she was her character although this wasn't immediately apparent for a few weeks. The point of the LARP is to have fun gaming, it shouldn't be about hooking up. There are no touching rules for a reason.

[Lord Minx]

Hmmm, dunno. The only person who hooked up with anybody on a LARP I've been to was somebody I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole.* (Very crazy person.) But that aside, if people feel like getting it on while wearing elf ears, more power to them. :D

M

*Of course, there were some nice girls there too. :)

[Carmen]

Wow. I've known married couples that LARPed together and were fine, but only the ones where the individuals involved had met outside of the LARP. Almost all of the couples I've seen form due to mutual involvement with a LARP have ended with messy breakups.

[Lost Demiurge]

I met my fiancee through a local LARP. (Boffer weapon one, where you have to pay to play.)

She was with someone else and I was with someone else at the time, so there was no romantic interest then. But she was a good friend, and fun to play with!

Then I retired from the LARP for a while, and we both broke up with our then-relationships. And she came gunning for me... :D (Actually managed to pull me back into the LARP. It's a good relationship where you can beat on each other with boffer weapons every now and then. :) )

We're moving in together in a few weeks. If we can take a year of each other in close proximity, we'll get married. I think it's a sure deal! This woman has seen me in full garb as a 6 foot tall samurai bunny rabbit, and thinks it's cool. She's a keeper!

I think the key is to have patience. Don't rush into anything, and make sure you spend time with the person OOG. And for god's sakes, dodge the drama queens...

[Jackob]

I met my wife at a LARP.

We hooked up after a later LARP.

So... *G*

[Emprint]

Emprint walks up to a very attractive woman.

EMPRINT: (OOC fingers up) "Hey. I'm taking over Steve's character... I hear he was working with you. Could you fill me in?"

WOMAN: (mistaking Em for a newbie) "Sure. Have you done Masquerade?"

EMPRINT: "A few times."

WOMAN: "Alright- a lot of it's the same. Well, you want to check people's badges for any obvious character traits. For example, I have Striking Looks..."

EMPRINT: (blinks) "...yes, I'd noticed."

[angelicmadrigal]

What are your thoughts on this?

I met my boyfriend and a Star Wars LARP at Origins 2004. Funny thing about that though I never would have given him a second thought had the ST not roped me into a scene with him. We didn't even talk OOC until 2 weeks after the con (I got his AIM off our message board).

The LARP only had three women and one girl the entire con. I also was the most fully clothed. I think the only way I would have been MORE covered is if I'd been wearing a head scarf and veil.

Let me say though I've been gaming longer than I've been interested in guys so I doubt there is anyone that can really make a valid case that I use gaming to get guys.

[angelicmadrigal]

There are no touching rules for a reason.

I follow that rule fairly strictly the only people during a LARP that have EVER been allowed to put their hands on me in any way shape or form are : 1) my boyfriend, 2) people I've gamed with or known for YEARS, 3) people I'm friends with outside of game.

I've made ONE exception to this for a guy I LARPed with for STAR WARS, but we talked at LENGTH about it OOC over AIM for over 3 months and it was very scripted.

[angelicmadrigal]

That is to say, rather than simply laying their arm on me or stroking my cheek or something, they actually grab onto me in such a way that I would have to pry them off or ask them to move their hand in order to escape. It always sets my little alarm bells doing... on occasion, I've had to resist the impulse to break fingers.


I'm more of the persuasion of giving the illusion that I'm touching someone if I don't know them well enough or we haven't played together for a LONG LONG time. Usually I'll put my hand or whatever about a 1/4 of an inch above wherever I'm "touching" them. Of course I have met peopel that say that freaks them out even more than me just touching them. ::shrugs::

[theliel]

which is why white wolf larps almost achieve gender parity.

there are no 'rules' for social combat in larps (not usually) and then only if you envoke them.
if you show a little skin, flirt a little next thing you know mamma's boy is trailing around like a little lapdog..

i've seen this happen soooooo often. It's really nifty actually, from a certian point of view.

[James Holloway]

There are no touching rules for a reason.

You know, I've never been in a game that bothered with these? It would just feel weird not to be able to shake hands with other characters, or hug them, or pat them on the back. Mind you, no one is particularly trying to feel me up.

[TwoGunBob]

Seems to me the personal drama among the various people hooking up at LARPs was more interesting than the games themselves usually. They always seemed to end in disaster, though.

[Black_Flame]

There are no touching rules for a reason.

Only if you're in MET, and only if the players care. There are technically no drinking rules in MET too, but that rule gets broken fairly often too...

Really, it comes down to being mature. If you are mature, then chances are you can sort out which of the Larpers of the opposite sex are mature, and you can have a healthy, productive relationship. Sad fact is, though, that there are a number of immature Larpers, and they tend to be the ones that get burned by picking up a Larper of the opposite sex who wasn't any more mature than they were, with the resultant drama such things usually entail (multiplied by the larper factor... cuase we do drama for fun).

BlackFlame

[Merten]

You know, I've never been in a game that bothered with these? It would just feel weird not to be able to shake hands with other characters, or hug them, or pat them on the back. Mind you, no one is particularly trying to feel me up.

I'm fairly puzzled with them as well. You can't give a hug to someone playing your long lost friend? Can't take a hold from someone's clothes and give a good shake if you're agitated? Can't drag someone who has taken an overdose (in character) to toilet for a little discussion with mr. toilet seat?

[angelsorayama]

My opinion was always "within reason." No grabbing that sexy toreador's @ss but shaking hands or hugging is fine. My general rule is "If you wouldn't do it in real life, don't do it in a larp." Of course, sometimes there are people who would do imappropriate things IRL so you have to be careful.

[Levi]

Of course, sometimes there are people who would do imappropriate things IRL so you have to be careful.

*Shifty eyes*

[Peter Svensson]

I'm fairly puzzled with them as well. You can't give a hug to someone playing your long lost friend? Can't take a hold from someone's clothes and give a good shake if you're agitated? Can't drag someone who has taken an overdose (in character) to toilet for a little discussion with mr. toilet seat?
The rule is realistically "No unwanted touching" but is shortened to "No touching" to accomodate those players whose poor social skills mean that they might not understand what counts as a good touch or what counts as a bad touch.

[Markusdark]

The rule is realistically "No unwanted touching" but is shortened to "No touching" to accomodate those players whose poor social skills mean that they might not understand what counts as a good touch or what counts as a bad touch.

Exactly. It might be completely within my character to be lecherous, but you can't get away with gropin' someones butt by saying "But my character would have!"

But here's an example of 'touching rules' that turned ugly A game had the infamous 3 rules of searching. First, say "I search you" and you give over anything in game you have. Second, the target can tell you to describe the search and the target turns over anything that is in those area searched. Third, the target can tell you to do an actual search. Well one 'clever' lady decided to stick the object of focus into her bra. The PC saw her do this. He went up to her 'unconsious' body a few minutes later and said "I search you". She said, "Search me for real." Unfortunately for her, he had no qualms about putting his hand down her shirt to get the item. Apparently she did and went ballistic. Trouble is that in that case, it was HE who got in trouble. Why? He should have contacted a referee and had him make her turn over the item. But we can see how a 'touch is ok' rule can be taken to an ugly extreme.

[Ambrogino]

Heh. I know someone who stuck a roll of caps up his arse to avoid being found out as the one who had stolen them IC (he was being actually physically searched, and by a rather attractive young lady). OOC, after that he was no longer willing to put them in his gun, and thankfully he told us (the crew) about it from a long distance rather than just putting them back in game or in the crew kit.

[Illithidbix]

Personally I think that’s a very bad idea.
If you’re doing LARP because you enjoy it, and are open to the possibility of meeting a partner there, then fair enough. It should be treated the same as other hobby.

Doing LARP specifically to get a partner sounds like a recipe for disaster. Bear in mind a lot of those attractive females you might want to hit on… don’t want to do LARP to have sexually repressed guys hit on them, they want to LARP because they enjoy LARPing.

Firstly… Seems simple and self explanatory, but really separate IC stuff from OC stuff, otherwise things get *really* messy. As a personal note I will always avoid flirting with someone (beyond very light stuff) unless I know OC that they’d be fine with it, hense I almost always would only flirt with my OC friends. I'd also keep it entirely verbal unless I actually had prior permission from the player for any sort of physical contact.

I have a very attractive female friend who plays a (now event famous) soul devouring demon in Maelstrom (a very kick ass player led UK LARP), and she has occasionally done the whole “seduce a mortal out of their soul” routine. She’s rather awear of the effect she can have on guys and so very careful at making it very obviously IC (sometimes specifically telling them OC afterwards, “Sorry, I’m not actually evil and manipulative, that was all IC, I’m nice really!”), and basically never using physical contact, and even playing down her femininity by wearing lots of serious armour.
Despite this she has had a tad amount of over interest from certain players she’s done this with. Although she gains that from Male Geeks no matter what she does. This girl really is not interested in any relationship, and is certainly not going to LARP to get into one.

Also it gets irritating seeing men attempt to chat up an attractive woman who are trying to play a hideous inhuman freak (and who has obviously spent a lot of time and effort trying to make themselves appear inhuman). Interspecies relationships, just say no. It kinda breaks my suspention of disbelief a bit "Good God man! She's got scales and Fangs!"

I know (male) LARPers have a hideous reputation and I’ve know sometimes of cases where it's true. (my aforementioned friend once had her bra-strap broke by one very drunk guy at CP after time out drinking cus she didn’t have the heart (she's a bit too nice) to tell him to compeletely Fuck off on the grounds he would be spending a fair bit of time in the faction. Bras cost quite a lot I’m told.

Also my experience is that the women who try and dress alluringly for LARP often, really really aren’t, and I’d prefer not to have to deal with that many corset whales.

I have heard comments along the lines that “IC sex doesn’t count if you’re in an OC relationship” which I really hope was someone joking.

Still I do know of a fair few couples who’ve got together via normal post event meet ups etc, and well, that’s the same as any other dating really.

Also, when you’re camping in a field at LARP events…. Canvas isn’t soundproof, which a lot of couples seems to forget.

So yeah, for me… LARP and Sex… really don’t think they should ever mix.

(And yep, this is from someone who is "technically" a single, short, skinny, repressed male geek.)

[James Holloway]

She said, "Search me for real." Unfortunately for her, he had no qualms about putting his hand down her shirt to get the item. Apparently she did and went ballistic. Trouble is that in that case, it was HE who got in trouble. Why? He should have contacted a referee and had him make her turn over the item. But we can see how a 'touch is ok' rule can be taken to an ugly extreme.

Any player so stunningly dumb that he doesn't realize it's not cool to go fishing in a girl's underclothes for a game item should be shunned, anyway, and possibly hit with a stick. On the other hand, using those kinds of OOC restrictions to try and get a game advantage over other players is pretty dirty pool to start with.

[angelsorayama]

Exactly. It might be completely within my character to be lecherous, but you can't get away with gropin' someones butt by saying "But my character would have!"

But here's an example of 'touching rules' that turned ugly A game had the infamous 3 rules of searching. First, say "I search you" and you give over anything in game you have. Second, the target can tell you to describe the search and the target turns over anything that is in those area searched. Third, the target can tell you to do an actual search. Well one 'clever' lady decided to stick the object of focus into her bra. The PC saw her do this. He went up to her 'unconsious' body a few minutes later and said "I search you". She said, "Search me for real." Unfortunately for her, he had no qualms about putting his hand down her shirt to get the item. Apparently she did and went ballistic. Trouble is that in that case, it was HE who got in trouble. Why? He should have contacted a referee and had him make her turn over the item. But we can see how a 'touch is ok' rule can be taken to an ugly extreme.

And that is a matter of resposibility and maturity. If the woman was at all uncomfortable with the concept of a man groping around in her breasts for an item she put there herself, it was her responsibility to say no. Instead she told him to search her for real. His comfort with the thought of putting his hands down the front of her shirt should have been accepted when she accepted the actual touching search. She was given the decision as to how far to allow the other person to go, she should own up to that resposibility. While it isn't very gentlemanly to go down a womans shirt, he was given the go ahead by her and thus should not be held at fault. If I didn't want a man going down my shirt, I would have said so.

[Requiem_17_23]

It's a good relationship where you can beat on each other with boffer weapons every now and then.

I very much agree. My fiancee got me into LARP, and weapons training together is somewhat cathartic. :D

On another note, though - I have something to say to women in LARP. Not every man likes corsets! I find the prevalence of corsetry in fantasy larp a bit wearing, really. Not every woman has the kind of figure that either wants or needs that kind of civil engineering project, and there are so many other fun and sexy concepts. Have some imagination, I say, and leave the Renaissance behind.

[angelicmadrigal]

I very much agree. My fiancee got me into LARP, and weapons training together is somewhat cathartic. :D

On another note, though - I have something to say to women in LARP. Not every man likes corsets! I find the prevalence of corsetry in fantasy larp a bit wearing, really. Not every woman has the kind of figure that either wants or needs that kind of civil engineering project, and there are so many other fun and sexy concepts. Have some imagination, I say, and leave the Renaissance behind.



Of course if you're in a Renaissance Era LARP corsets are the way to go. I tend to only wear my black corset for Dark Ages, but sometimes I mix it up a bit with the peasant style top. Though in all honesty I have really nice...um...boobs for lack of a better term, and I know very few men that are straight that haven't been caught appreciating them. So corsets tend to take the focus off my waist and move it up to one of my more....attractive qualities.

I won't be wearing my corset for the Cyberpunk LARP at Origins this year though. I'm going with shredded jeans and a tank top, with lots and lots of tatoos (fake) and super funky hair.

[Black_Flame]

Maybe not every man likes corsets---

but I do. :D

BlackFlame

[Jiituomas]

So yeah, for me… LARP and Sex… really don’t think they should ever mix.

As someone with lots of experience in creating heavily sexually charged larps, I can say that that is /precisely/ the correct statement. For some people, the two should not mix. Ever. And knowing that they don't suit oneself goes a long way towards not getting into wrong kinds of larps and/or game situations. So seeing someone publicly admit such a view makes me very happy.

With a good selection of players, a strong theme, a good rules system and a strong emphasis on the /iron-clad/ rule that the larp is going to be a larp and not an orgy, it is possible to create extremely interesting, extremely powerful games. But they're not for everyone.

Using sexuality not just as an erotic undercurrent, but as an actual central element of the game creates very visceral effects in both players and characters, effects that can be channeled into the play experience itself. The trick is in handling the material the right way. For example, the organizers should avoid writing any sexual contact into their own material, yif they participate in the game. That way there is no mistrust about their motives. Similarly, character material and plots should contain varying levels of sexual /potential/, but nothing that directly would force any sexual conduct. And there of course have to be both safe words and an atmosphere of trust, or the concept isn't going to work at all.

(I'll be happy to provide actual play and rules examples from such games, if those would be of interest. And I strongly suggest that people interested in exploring these themes in larps they design go and read the two Forge threads that deal with Graham Walmsley's 24-hour game "Dirty Fu--ing Freaks", on which some essential cultural barriers on such larps get addressed.)

[tetsujin28]

What are your thoughts on this?My thoughts are, "Well, duh!" :D

[tetsujin28]

Maybe not every man likes corsets---

but I do. :D

BlackFlameThose who do not, merely let those of us who do enjoy them more :D

And NB that the corset was appropriate for women from the Renaissance to the mid-1950s. Pretty wide swath of history.

-- t28, anthropologist of dress.

[Jerrythehun]

I very much agree. My fiancee got me into LARP, and weapons training together is somewhat cathartic. :D

On another note, though - I have something to say to women in LARP. Not every man likes corsets! I find the prevalence of corsetry in fantasy larp a bit wearing, really. Not every woman has the kind of figure that either wants or needs that kind of civil engineering project, and there are so many other fun and sexy concepts. Have some imagination, I say, and leave the Renaissance behind.

Emphasis mine.

But why? I'm having so much fun with the Renaissance's behind! She seems to be having a good time, too. :D

I think LARPs are a great place to meet people, friends and lovers. It's just like someone from an earlier generation going to a church social to meet people.

Yeah, there are creeps, of every gender and orientation, but the bar is a zillion times worse. Ick.

And you know you have at least one thing you both like in common!

[pawsplay]

For example, the organizers should avoid writing any sexual contact into their own material, yif they participate in the game.

Yiff!

[tetsujin28]

Yiff!Choosy LARPers choose Yiff!