[Unknown Armies] To Go (in the key of the Mighty Boosh) - Warning! Spoilers

[Menchi]

Well we've just finished our seventh session of this game and it has been such a blast I felt I had to try and chronicle as much of this game before the big finale next week.

Many people talk about Unknown Armies as a dark and bleak game, yet this campaign has been faithfully following the To Go scenario book - the only difference being that the group playing are being heavily influenced by the muy cool british comedy series "The Mighty Boosh."

Hope you enjoy. Note that I am writing a lot of this from memory, so I may skip some parts that I don't remember...

Cast

Duncan (Played by Matt) - Plutophage Mak Attaxer, head of the the team at the Billington Arizona Maccy dees. Kind of cuddly hippy type guy who looks a bit like Bill Bailey. Maybe with more hair on his head. Team leader and shift manager for the breakfast crew.

Claire (Played by Debz) - Bubbly, Busty Blonde Amoromancer Mak Attaxer. Flirty and a bit ditsy, she heads front counter.

Elijah (Played by Scott) - Avatar of the Loyal Labourer, college aged African American who likes to help people out. Gentle and caring. Mostly does clean up and fries.

Lucy (Played by Sam) - Avatar of the Mother, busty and rubinesque in proportions, she is friendly and caring of anyone, but also mothers the crew. She tends to be 2 IC to Duncan.

Gareth (Played by Norman) - Entropomancer, muscular ex-marine from Iraq. Working in Maccy Dees due to being involved with Mak Attax and it being a sanctuary. Still quite young. Discharged for careless risk of lives.

Christian Haste (Played by me) - Avatar of the Trickster. Happy, go lucky nineteen year old who is constantly playing tricks on everyone. Oddly, the results tend to be on the more favourable side. Still kind of likeable.

Cast of thousands - (played by the GM, RPGnet's very own Skywalker)

Next - Day and Night in Billington Arizona

[Menchi]

Session One - Day and Night in Billington, Arizona

Note that I am writing this session from memory, so it may skip a lot of key events.

The session opened up with the sounds of an orchestra tuning up. Then as the music goes into prelude we see the sun rising, silhouetted in the light of the rising sun is a building of some sort. The golden arches light up and the camera moves towards the building as the theme "Born Free" swells. Elijah opens the door and smiles wide - his teeth perfectly white.

Inside Maccy Dees we speed past the dancing customers in the pristine clean restaurant, to the manager's door - which opens and a roguishly handsome looking Duncan steps out and sashays down to the front counter, past a dancing Gareth and Lucy, he points to the drive through window, where a rakishly cute Christian grins a pearly white smile and hands food to customers who dance in, on and around their cars. The camera sweeps back to show a stunningly beautiful Claire and trim, sexy Lucy dancing with Duncan and Gareth.

The music swells and...

Duncan's hand slaps down on the alarm clock. He drags himself out of bed and looks at himself in the mirror. Description of a rather sad looking ex-hippy type guy.

Lucy, Gareth, Elijah and Claire all equally have depressing wake ups and go about their daily rituals. We see how distinctly unlike their dream personas they are.

Then a final alarm goes off in a garage loft apartment. A large pile of duvet stirs and then flies into the air - Christian bounces out of bed looking almost exactly the same as he did in the dream sequence. He happily cleans his teeth, "Born free" is playing over the radio, and as he skips out of his apartment and down the stairs outside, he waves across the driveway to the big house where his mother is making her breakfast.

He walks to work, waving and saying hello to everyone he sees in a chirpy and happy voice. Most people try to ignore him.

Everyone arrives at work. The crew go about their business - with Christian often wandering away from the drivethru to eavesdrop on everyone else and offer his own crazy views.

Claire and Lucy identify a rat problem. Soon the group realise that the rats are somehow sentient. Christian berates the rats and tells them how to behave once he notices that they are having a tribal battle (ironically, it ends up being an augury of future events...)

Claire gets free tickets to a live gig that night where some guys she had given a "special order" are to play. Apparently against all odds, the guys have managed to make a break into the music industry.

More casual silliness ensues before the crew decide to go to this gig to see the results of their special order.

The venue is packed. As the crew sits down to have drinks, a murmur begins to go through the crowd. One person will sing "driving!" then another group will sing out "while infatuated!"

Gareth and Christian entertain themselves by calling out "Driving" as often as possible - each time it sets the crowd off. Soon the tension is building, and the crew realise that this is not a good thing (tm). Lucy notices an argument between the agent and the lead singer at the front of the stage. She and Duncan investigate - and the band and agent end up storming off.

Someone manages to put a CD on at the DJ station - it's the band's song - DUI (Driving while Infatuated.)

The group then learns that hearing the song the first time makes you addicted to it that you MUST hear it again. Unfortunately half the people at the gig hadn't heard it before and the other half had. A war breaks out over the DJ station as people try to flee the building, hear the CD or order a drink. Outside, Duncan and Lucy figure out the deal and try to convince the band that continuing with this is a BAD IDEA.

Eventually Elijah, Christian, Claire and Gareth manage to set up a system to ensure that everyone is freed of the influence of the CD. Christian squirrels away a copy of the CD for future use...

The next day the group gets a message from their big boss in Mak Attax, Erica Fisher. She wants them to travel to a meat processing plant in Los Angeles - something big is about to happen and they are the nearest available crew to investigate.

Next - Los Angeles, and the fun begins... ;)

Conan

[Menchi]

Session Two - Los Angeles

The group are sent out to a town just outside of LA where meat is processed for McDees burgers. While waiting in the motel, the group try to figure out what their cover is going to be. After all, they aren't really there on official official business, but rather a fake excuse of being there to observe the procedures used. It is decided that Claire and Christian will act as two college students on a field trip - with Duncan as their teacher. Lucy, Gareth and Elijah are staff members sent on a fact finding trip.

Claire and Christian get costumes - Claire goes Val Gal while Christian goes for a skater punk look, utilising his "carrot-top" wig from his collection of wigs that he keeps in his bag. "For emergencies."

On the way there Christian decides to catch the bus the rest of the way so as not to raise suspicion. Claire ends up going with the rest of the group.

Upon arriving at the meat plant, the crew finds that the meatworkers are protesting outside the plant. They manage to squeeze their way in and somehow convince the guard that they are both a student (Claire) and a group of McDees employees on a fact finding tour. They notice large ethereal figures standing over the crowd - a King like figure, a screaming figure and an executioner type figure.

Christian sits on a bus and freaks out a mother and daughter by singing along to his MP3 player while watching a coyote follow the bus.

When Christian shows up he notices TV crews pulling up. A man calling himself Dean Matakros comes over and questions Christian, who admits to nothing. When Christian tries to enter the plant, the protestors stop him. Christian, in a nonchalant manner, asks to talk to the boss of the protest group. When the leader shows up, Christian attempts to use his channel as the Trickster to con the leader into taking the protestors around the side. The channel fails, but Christian doesn't realise this and keeps going at it until the protestors give up on him, thinking he's kind of crazy.

Dean Matakros runs up and joins Christian, mentioning that he recognised Christian as some sort of Avatar. Christian plays a little dumb, but admits to being occulty - Matakros gives Christian a tin of pills that are apparently magical.

Christian helps Dean get past the guard, when they enter the building they cross paths with Claire, who has been ill from watching meat processing videos. Christian offers her a mint (one of the strange pills).

The pill is a magical hallucinogen - which causes Claire to start seeing things as if they are all part of some ancient Aztec ceremony. Dean offers to help her snap out of it by casting a spell and throwing coffee in her face.

It doesn't work, but it does make her go even more crazy.

When a golden calf walks into the slaughter room, swiftly followed by the hallucinating Claire, the rest of the crew are drawn to see a massive energy develop and pass into a surly female meatworker. While everyone argues and tries to work out what is going on and what Dean's involvement is, Lucy and Elijah see the sulry meat worker yelling at a truck driver. One of them ends up taking a bit of the magical pills - they see the truck is a snake that moves off the minute the woman yells at the driver. He is imbued with some sort of magical charge - and the truck drives off.

In the aftermath, the group reports to Erica - Christian apologises to Claire and the wheels are set in motion...

Next - Interlude: The Flight of Terror

Conan

[Menchi]

Interlude: The Flight of Terror

Bascially we roleplayed the one-off from One-Shots (?) where a terrorist hijacks a plane with the idea of performing a powerful ritual that will allow him to ascend to the Statosphere as the archetype of the Terrorist.

However, we played it as follows:

Erica Fisher calls the crew to a meeting. Having talked to some scryers and matching up to the crew's report of events, she suspects that there is some link between events in a botched terror attempt some time ago, and what is happening here. She puts a video on and says "this seems to have a connection."

The screen is dark for a moment and then starts:

"HBO presents. The Flight of Terror! Starring David Hasselhoff, Lee Majors, Vanessa Williams, Maggie Smith, Harold Ramis, Chuck Norris, Tia Carrere"

Yep - we played the scenario as if it were an HBO special - complete with cheesy flashbacks with the greatest moment being Debz and Sam as Vanessa Williams and Tia Carrere playing two arabic stewardesses complaining about racism in the states with the great line from Tia Carrere "And all these men keep thinking I'm asian!"

A very non-PC session, but played for the laughs.

When the scenario was over we played a brief interplay between the PCs watching the tape stop. Claire "what the hell was that about?" Christian "Majors can so take on the hoff."

Erica comes back to explain that in the movie the terrorist tried to represent certain cities as "chakras" of the body of America, with the aim of striking the heart.

Maybe this is a result of all the magic that the Attaxers have been releasing. America now has chakras as a result of the terrorist's ritual. Now they are awakening. The crew is to travel to certain points on the truck driver's itinerary - a very strange one that will take him all over the place. They are to figure out what is going on and follow futher instructions as they arrive...

Next: Las Vegas

[Menchi]

Session Three - Las Vegas

On the road to LV, the PCs pick up a hitchhiking blonde named Laticia, or "Lala" She is so ditsy she makes Claire look like Einstein. No love is lost between the two of them.

Upon arriving in Las Vegas, the crew are set up in quite a reasonably lush hotel. They go downstairs to gamble - it being Las Vegas after all, before they head off the to the McDees on the strip in search of whatever is going to happen.

In the course of this, Christian gets slipped Rohypnol by a group of senior citizen women who are out on the town. (Luckily he passes out in the mens toilets, where Gareth and Duncan find him.)

Lucy and Claire, realising that McDees is picking up the tab call for vital glam makeovers to help them "blend in."

Duncan goes for the Glam rockstar Elvis - complete with sequined suit, bared hairy chest and medallion. The girls go tramp/hooker chic while Christian (still woozy from being drugged) is dressed up to look like a gay club bunny. Gareth chooses to go for bomber jacket chic.

Now as inconspicuous as a drag queen in a miss universe contest, the crew hit the streets - along with Lala - in search of a mystery. They arrive at McDees where Duncan (with a completely straight face) interviews the staff, claiming to be customer quality control. A still drugged Christian keeps telling people that he's so out of it he is probably willing to have sex with them.

The crew learn that they are in fact too late for some weird occurance where a woman ended up being almost hit by a car. On their way out a car speeds by chased by cops. A very large sack of money lands in Lala's hands. She drops it, and the crew go through a wacky set of events trying to give the money back to the police. This ends with Duncan literally throwing it into the laps of a pair of cops on patrol.

The group eventually learn that the woman with the mysterious charge is attending an exclusive casino/gambiling club on the outskirts of Las Vegas. They need a lot of money to get in. Everyone looks at each other. They go back to hotel to regroup. Christian sobers up, and decides that he likes his new g-string. Then he suggests a cunning plan to get the money back off the cops - especially after the group learns that there was no get away.

A blur of events later - involving incriminating photos and a series of events that everyone denies ever being party to, the group find themselves in possession of about $50,000.

They go to the casino. Here they learn that they can gamble anything to get... anything.

Various crazy events ensue - including Lucy successfully losing a bra size (much to her relief), Claire gaining a bra size (much to her delight), an entropomancer going crazy and being shot, and the charge passing onto a woman named Susan, who the group learns is connected with Matakros.

The session ends with everyone not that much wiser, but definitely richer and more resourceful.

They decide to hop on a plane for the next stop off - Atlanta - where things just keep getting weirder...

Conan

[Menchi]

Session Four - Atlanta

Now this is the episode that is the most blurry for me. I forgot to mention that in the last session the group also met a strange guitar player with a case of grenades who basically informed the group that the charges were allowing certain people an opportunity to enter the Statosphere to change the world. Now the group is curious as to what to do.

We actually started this session while still finishing off the Las Vegas session.

The group arrives in Atlanta and travels directly to the McDees where the next charge is likely to land. When they arrive they see it pass to a man who then passes it back to the girl serving him. Before anyone can act, a crazy woman dressed to look like the devil walks into the building and starts shooting up the place while maggots and fat drippings rain from the sky outside and the Friendly Clown statue starts moving.

In the aftermath of the shoot-out - in which Gareth heroically saved the day - the group is questioned by police. Unfortunately their statements end up making it sound like Duncan has brainwashed them all to go on a drug fueled rampage across America with Claire and Lucy as his concubines, while Christian completely confuses the police with his own crazy thought patterns.

Eventually they are let free, and learn that the girl with the charge is having a parole hearing. They meet a man who is the archnemesis of Dean Matakros - aka Dermott Arkane. Much is learnt about Arkane's plans, and the PCs decide to intervene.

They attend the parole hearing where Matakros and Eugene battle it out in the courtroom as two avatars of the messenger - both speaking a kind of truth and confusing the parole board. Luckily, Duncan and the crew manage to use the messengers' powers against them and arrange for a third option for the girl - which would see her in the custody of a reliable man with the support of McDees. In return she passes the charge to the crew who then pass it on to Erica.

They are then told their next stop - Chicago!

Conan

[Menchi]

Session Five - Chicago

Okay - this is where things go from crazy to very weird.

The group is put up in a luxurious hotel. They have an encounter that ends up with an assassin gunning down an NPC, and the crew is left in shock - until Christian decides to bounce on his bed.

Gareth has a close encounter with a goth bride who threatens to kill his leg (he has a bullet wound from the scuffle)

Events lead the group to a McDees near the motorway - where it seems every local Occult Underground member is awaiting the arrival of the charge. When the truck pulls up and delivers the meat - a frenzied rush for burgers occurs. Everyone orders up big on burgers in the hope of getting a charge.

In the process of this, a police cop gets the charge - which Duncan notes while the rest of the crowd are distracted with their over abundance of orders.

The crew discretely convince the cop to give them the charge - and then slip out unnoticed.

It is decided to keep the charge until the group really knows what is going on.

Gareth gets on the Goth Bride's bad side and she curses his leg. He gets a twinge and that's all. Unbeknowest to him... it is dying.

Next stop - New York.

[Menchi]

Session Six - New York

The crew learn that the charge brings both good and bad luck. After getting a flight to New York, only to learn at the gate it is New York, Alaska - then thirteen hours later getting the correct tickets and finally getting on the plane - where Duncan is served a live chicken in a bowl of coffee and tea, the group arrive at New York city around midnight.

With chicken in hand, luggage in a taxi - which takes the LONG route to the hotel - Claire bemoans the hideous trip and how she is looking forward to using her bath salts to have a relaxing bath.

While driving along, Gareth opens the window to take in some fresh air. He opens his mouth to breathe deeply as a car going the other way races past. He inadvertantly swallows the Speed that the driver throws out.

The group also ended up with the wrong luggage.

At the hotel Duncan ends up with a make-up salesman's kit. Christian finds a furry Coyote costume and an abundance of sex toys in his. And Gareth discovers his is full of what he thinks is talcum powder. When he is told it's cocaine he panics and tries to flush the lot down the toilet. Which backs up and pours a suspicious white sludge all over the bathroom floor. While Claire and Lucy panic, Gareth makes snow angels in the slime. Inevitably - the whole thing is a disaster.

The next morning Christian bounces into the room wearing the Coyote head mask and a t-shirt saying "I am a sex god" and screams out "This is AWSUM!"

Everyone else disagrees. It is debated about what is going on. A seriously hung-over and drained Gareth learns about the cocaine that is now making a solid paste in his room. The group heads down to the Grand Central McDees in the hope of getting this disaster of a job done asap.

They learn that they are too late. A plainsclothes cop has taken the charge. Following a series of mystical clues - namely a large arrow in a ceiling, a surly puppet and a mad homeless guy on a train, a ballet of cars and some birds spelling out the morse code for SOS - the crew find themselves outside a suspicious looking warehouse.

While a man in the reception looks out the window at the crew, they debate on what to do. Claire and Lucy suggest that they pose as college students with questions about the ballet of cars incident while the guys sneak around the corner and check out a nearby alleyway for other entrances. Everyone talks at once and there is confusion.

Claire calls out for everyone who is going inside to put their hands up. The guys all put up their hands. Lucy points out that it was supposed to be her and Claire going in the front. Christian asks everyone who is going down the alley to put their hands up. The guys all put their hands up in the air. Claire, sighing, asks everyone who was just putting their hands up in the air because they enjoyed it to put their hands up.

All the guys put their hands up into the air.

Once the confusion is resolved, Gareth, Christian and Duncan head down the alleyway - with Gareth sneaking and humming the mission impossible theme.

Meanwhile, Claire and Lucy try to walk in the front door, only to find the door is locked.

Claire knocks on the glass and the man behind the reception counter tries to ignore her. Claire calls out "we're a couple of students who want to ask you some questions about the incident up the road here..." the guy ignores her.

Down the alleyway, the guys find a parked pick up truck outside a docking bay with the roller doors down. They start searching around for more entry ways.

Meanwhile back at the front, Claire gets out her cellphone and calls directory. She gets the number of the warehouse and calls it. The guy answers.

"Hi. We're a couple of students from the local college and want to ask you some questions about the incident outside..."

The guy looks up incredulously at Claire. He puts down the phone and walks over to the door - opens it.

Claire: Hi! We're a couple of students from the local college...

After her spiel the guy looks at her and says "You're not going to leave until I talk to you, right?"

Claire and Lucy smile. "Right."

They get let into the building.

Meanwhile, the guys are looking in the pickup truck. While they are figuring out what to do, Christian says "whoops!" and releases the hand brake. The truck starts careening towards the docking bay doors. Christian and Gareth leap off the truck. Duncan puts on his seatbelt.

With an almighty crash, the truck slams through the doors - exposing the goings on inside - a drug processing plant! With the guy with a charge tied to a forklift!

Inside the reception area the crashing can be heard. The guy at the counter says "excuse me a moment" and darts out the back.

In the alleyway, goons with uzis come out to investigate. The guys hide - but Gareth gets spotted. He stands up and tries to explain what happens. It starts to go sour, so Christian pops up and uses his trickster channel to calm the situation and convince the goons that he is a regular in the area.

"Who are you?"

"Ummm. I'm Alley guy! Y'know, I hang out in the alley. This is my alley. Trust me."

They buy it!

Christian manages to convince the goons that nothing bad is going on, that it's just an accident and that Gareth and Duncan (who pops up from behind a car) are here to deal. Gareth has a brief flashback to the cocaine winter wonderland in his hotel bathroom.

Claire and Lucy sneak down the corridor inside the warehouse, investigating the noise. A head pops out of one of the offices - a guy with a bit of cocaine on his nose and a very wired look on his face, slips out and walks down to the warehouse. The girls come out of hiding and follow.

Outside the debate continues. The is the sound of screaming inside the warehouse as the coked up guy goes nuts thinking the cops are on to them. There is the sound of motorbikes in the distance. The forklift starts up. Christian peeks over the shoulder of one of the goons to see the cokehead waving a gun around while driving a forklift with a man tied up on the front of it.

Then the bikers show up. A large and intimidating man at the front wearing a dark bike helmet steps off and points at the goons and in an intimidating stance gives what might have been an impressive speech. Unfortunately he hadn't raised the visor or removed his helmet. So everyone just looks at this man standing infront of a gang of bikers saying "mph mph mpphhhhh muhmuh mph."

Christian takes the opportunity to dash past the goons. Duncan chooses to duck behind his car again - leaving Gareth standing between a man with an uzi, and a biker who is reaching for a gun.

Duncan quickly casts a spell that makes the biker decide that his gun is worthless. So the biker charges the goon, The goons open fire, and Gareth takes a bullet to his other leg!

A brawl of bikers and drug dealers breaks out. Lucy goes and hides while Claire steps out of the hallway into the warehouse and casts a spell on the cokehead - making him forget about everything but her. She cons him into going away and getting her a drink while only a few metres away a scene out of The Warriors seems to be in full swing.

Gareth gets shot again, but uses his charge to cast a healing spell which also heals his leg from the curse of the goth bride. He goes down and then leaps back up and says "I'm cured!"

Just as Christian "accidently" knocks over a barrel of highly flammable solvent onto the brawl. Someone shoots again, inadvertently igniting the highly volatile substance.

Outside Duncan scoops up the biker's gun and shoots all the bikes - causing a couple of little explosions. Standing back satisfied with himself for being the man and making things go boom, he is knocked down when a massive fireball explodes out the back of the warehouse.

Goons and bikers, now on fire, keep beating each other up.

The cokehead, walking past the toilets is surprised when the explosion causes the door to burst open - revealing Lucy, who is holding a pipe about to crack him on the head if he opened the door. He looks back to see chaos in the warehouse and Claire speeding off with the forklift. He fires at Claire - hitting her in the back! Lucy lays into him with the pipe.

The forklift goes out of control and crashes into a vat of the volatile solvent. The guy with the charge falls into it and dies, causing a flood of snakes to explode out and a series of other strange arcane events.

In the ensuing chaos, the police (previously called by Duncan) show up. After two days of questioning, the crew are deemed innocent and let go. The bikers had beaten a hasty retreat... on foot.

It is declared the worst debacle in the crew's history.

Next: Phillidelphia...

[Menchi]

Session Seven - Phillidelphia

I was late to the session, so this picks up from when I walked in, about 5 minutes into the game. This was possibly the most hysterical session I have ever roleplayed in... read on...

Christian walks into Claire's hospital room to find the crew standing around her bed with two large, attractive muscle pretty boys. The two muscle boys are identical, and dressed in muscle tees and tight leather pants.

It is revealed that the two guys - Ed and Gary - have been sent by Erica Fisher to help Claire out. Duncan tries to get proof from them that they are who they say they are. It doesn't quite pan out, but it is decided to take the chance. The guys thrust their hands into Claire's flesh - melding with her body. Everyone takes stress checks - Lucy and Christian freeze up, but due to the charge that he's carrying Duncan critically fails. He runs from the room screaming about body snatchers. The two guys casually talk about their work, and the crew hears an audible "ping" as they say "yep, that's it." Then remove their hands and high-five each other.

Gareth goes looking for Duncan while Claire comes to and sees the two beefcake beauties standing over her. They smile and tell her she'll be alright before walking away. Claire is still groggy and cries "no! Don't go..."

When she is fully aware, the crew talks to her - Gareth comes back with Duncan (who had raided a supply closet for weapons... namely a mop.) Claire is uncertain as to why she is fine now, Christian points out that these two guys came in and put their hands in her and made her feel good.

Claire is shocked, then turns to Lucy - "Buy they were cute, right?"

Lucy nods.

"That's okay then."

Duncan then mentions how they were evil monsters who melded with her flesh.

"But they were cute, right?"

Lucy explains the procedure that had occured and Claire says "awwww THAT's what you meant when you said they put their hands in me. Oh." She sounds a little disappointed.

The group is told to go to Phillidelphia, where Erica wishes to speak to Duncan.

On the train ride over the group debate about what she wants. They aren't keen to give her the charge - worried that there is something up. They try to get Duncan to pass the charge on to Lucy. This doesn't seem to work - and the rest of the journey on the train, in the taxi and standing outside the McDees is spent trying out various wacky and crazy things to get the charge to Lucy. Including Christian handing over a thousand dollars to Duncan, who promptly eats it.

Also a highlight of that moment - Duncan saying to Lucy "Your Mama! Anything?"

Outside the McDees a janitor is cleaning up what appears to be a flood of eels and other sea life. Claire: So when does the charge arrive?

Christian: It's come and gone, if you could tell by the marine life in the carpark!

Duncan spots the two muscle twins are in the restaurant, as is Lala. Duncan refuses to enter, so while the others go in, he Christian and Elijah wait outside. Christian tries a new approach.

"That woman in LA said "you" when she passed the charge over" he tries a number of combinations of sentences with "you" in it to get Duncan to repeat them and pass the charge over.

"This is for YOU!" "THIS is for you." "Up YOURS!"

He then turns and says "Hey, how about 'How are YOU?"

Duncan: I'm alright. You?

Christian: ARRRRRRRGH!!

Inside the McDees the others talk to Erica. The twins are introduced to Claire who thanks them for their help.

Ed: You have nice insides.

Claire: My outside's not bad either.

Erica asks where Duncan is. Lucy points outside where everyone sees Christian trying to throttle Duncan, both are completely unaware of the biker gang and winnebago that are pulling up in the carpark.

The Makkers go into defence mode - the twins dissappear out the back. Duncan, Elijah and Christian go into the restuarant.

The biker's come in under flag of truce and much is revealed about what is actually happening. War is declared and Duncan ends up giving Erica the charge - much to everyone else's discomfort. But now they know how to pass it on.

It is revealed that the charge passed onto someone in a group of African-American frat boys who are having an initiation up at a lake nearby. While the other Makkers head off to search for the frat party, Lala reveals where the trucker - Mitch - is heading next. The group debates about leaving Phillidelphia to get the next charge, seeing as they are the only ones who actually know where to go next.

Christian reveals that he has figured out what is going on, but can't out and out tell them. Something to do with his avatar. The group work it out eventually and realise that they need to get the charge here as well.

Christian: To save America as we know it, we MUST go to this frat party!

Picking up glow sticks and torches the group head off as the sun sets. When they arrive at the camp grounds they learn there are three potential sites. The group chooses to go to the furtherest one. Along the way up the road, three white figures race past the car. Duncan stops.

"What was that?"

"Looks like naked women."

Lucy: (to GM) How did they look?

GM: Kind of psychotic.

A guy bursts from the trees and screams "They're coming! Run for your lives!"

Christian starts screaming to Duncan to hit the accelerator and get to the frat boys before it's too late. Gareth says to wait, and gets out of the car, along with Lala.

There is a strange noise and the rest of the crew turn as one in the car to see several eyes glinting in the darkness of the woods- as twenty psycho naked women burst from the trees and bodyslam the car.

Duncan hits the accelerator as Gareth races into the woods to hide.

Christian: I am so going gay after this.

Duncan uses the window wipers on the back window to try and deter the women from climbing on.

Meanwhile, Gareth tries to sneak away and accidently sets off a sensor light on the roadside. Twenty psychotic naked women turn to look at him and charge - ripping his clothes off. He manages to extricate himself and climb a tree. Lala strips and frollicks around with the women, oblivious to what is actually happening. Gareth climbs higher as the women start to throw rocks at him. He leaps to another tree as one woman discovers how to make fire and sets fire to the first tree...

The rest of the crew make it to the carpark and find that they have to walk up a hill to get to the campsite. Lighting torches - and Duncan lighting his "glowstick belt" they head up the hill. On the way they hear a guy calling for his dog "snuff."

They briefly talk to the creepy fisherman. As the guy walks away Christian asks if that was an undead fisherman. Duncan and Elijah say "yup." They all act blase about it and walk on up to the frat party where they hear yells and screams. They find that three of the crazy women had tried to attack the frat boys. But the fraternity managed to catch them and tie them up. Now twenty or so African american frat brothers are worried about what to do with the three naked white females, knowing how bad it looks for them.

Dean Matakros is standing there yelling that it is dangerous and that the frat brothers have to follow him. Christian activates his perfect lie ability to cry out "He doesn't care about you at all!"

Matakros, unable to lie and stand up for himself, is chased off by the frats - who figure that the three women are with Matakros and part of some elaborate frat trick.

Elijah throws down a keg of beer and says he's here for the party. Christian realises that all the frats have the charge. It is decided that the frats will initiate Elijah into their fraternity (and in the process pass the charge on to him.)

The thing is that this will take time, and the crew realise that they need to buy enough time to distract both the crazy women and the Makkers and the Bike gang.

Meanwhile, Gareth beats a hasty retreat when the remaining crazy women loose interest in him. After brief encounter with more goth brides and grooms, he commandeers a quad bike from some Makkers - only to get into more trouble with crazy naked women in the woods.

Back at the campsite, Duncan fashions his glowsticks into a foot long glowing penis. It is such a skillful recreation that it manages to be a disturbingly offensive object, which he promptly straps to his head.

"I'll distract the women" he cries as he heads off down the hill. The others, somewhat speechless, search for a way to defend the site.

Duncan's penis hat successfully enrages the rampaging naked women, and as he is running back up the hill, he crosses paths with Gareth, who also gets attributed with the evils of the penis hat. They manage to find one of the Makker quad bikes, and to the theme of Helm's Deep from Two Towers, they ride off with a horde of naked women chasing them...

The campsite group watch as the glowing penis rides off leaving an opening for them to get back to the carpark.

One of the crazy women leaps at the bike and manages to grab the penis hat in her teeth as she flies over, knocking Gareth and Duncan off the bike- the hat snaps off Duncan's head. Luckily for Duncan and Gareth, the hat is SO offensive the women ignore the two of them to teat it to shreds. They slip off into the night.

The crew regroups at the car, where a naked Lala asks if they have finished playing in the dark. Dean shows up and congratulates them for getting the charge. Elijah suffers from the pain of being branded in the ass as part of the initiation. They get into the car, Lala lets slip to Dean where they are headed next. Gareth weakly tries to deny it.

Erica calls the group and says they need a debriefing. Gareth mentions that he has already been debriefed. The session ends with the group driving away making silly comments about nudity and what had happened...

Next week is the final session - Washington D.C.

I cannot express how hilarious the penis hat chase was. We were having serious Benny Hill flashbacks. :D

Conan

[Craig Oxbrow]

We need more of the absurd dialogue!

That's what makes a comedy AP work when it comes to... The Crunch.

IMHO YMMV WWXD OMGWTFBBQ

:D

[Skywalker]

I totally didn't see this thread. Yes, To Go has been an experience to run and immensely funny to boot. It was whacky when I read it but when influenced by the group's mood the sessions have me in tears of laughter.

Thanks for putting these up Conan. I will read and perhaps post comments.

[Menchi]

I totally didn't see this thread. Yes, To Go has been an experience to run and immensely funny to boot. It was whacky when I read it but when influenced by the group's mood the sessions have me in tears of laughter.

Thanks for putting these up Conan. I will read and perhaps post comments.

Dude - after last Thursday (Philly) I couldn't wait to share the love. :)

Hopefully you'll be able to remember some of the other great moments in the game - there have been so many of them. :)

Conan

[Menchi]

Session Eight - Washington D.C.

It is 3:00am when the crew drive into Washington D.C. and approach the MacD's near Lincoln Memorial. First they see the silhouette of the restaurant as they drive up and as the car slows down, the lights inside come on in a blaze, faintly in the air the group can hear the sounds of Tom Jones singing "Born Free."

Duncan stops the car and comments "this is like a dream I've had."

Gareth and Christian seem eager to get out of the car. A jogger runs by and looks quizzically at the building as Christian races up to the windows. He can't see inside - there seems to be white smoke, like that from a smoke machine - and the light is blazing out in an almost staged manner. As the others come up, arming themselves with weapons - mostly pipes and tire irons - Christian opens the doors.

The lights dim a little, and smoke enshrouds him for a moment before it is revealed that the insides of the building are like that from the first dream at the beginning of the game - people are dancing in a spotless and almost stage-like MacDonalds.

The crew enter, Gareth deciding to join the dancing. From behind the fries counter a strange light glows and a large winged serpent rises up. The crew talk to it and learn that the Shakti has gained sentience. Apparently all to do with Mak Attax. It has been following the crew and has decided that of all the people involved, they are the ones it feels it can trust to help it make a very important decision.

It calls itself "Mac"

Mac: It seemed appropriate.

Mac takes the group over to the reflection pool outside the memorial. There is a flash of light and a doorway opens in the water for them to enter.

Gareth: This is the weirdest thing that I've ever seen.

The rest of the crew look at him incredulously.

Through the doorway, the crew find themselves between places. There are pillars all around them, with paintings showing various people in situations. Mac reveals that each painting shows the turning point in every person's life.

The crew need to help Mac choose which of three people who have Shakti Charges should be given the balance breaking charge to ascend to the Statosphere. Mitch - the truck driver who had delivered the charges; Erika - the crew's boss; or Dean Matakros aka Dermott Arkane - the man whose actions had been less than admirable during the crew's adventure.

Mac will take the crew to each candidate's picture and help them choose.

Along the way they find Christian's picture: Christian is standing in the desert at night, he has a black eye and looks like someone has been beating him. In the distance is a small house with the front door open, a figure can be seen standing in the doorway. In the foreground a coyote that looks almost intelligent is looking up at Christian. The picture has a plaque which simply says "Escape"

They then come to a picture of the meeting between Erica Fisher and The Godwalker of the True King (from last session) the plaque reads "The Fisher King."

The group are sent back to the scene to play out the various roles to see if things could have turned out differently. The group manages to get Erica to doubt the value of ascending to the statosphere - but ultimately she stills chooses to pursue her goal. Christian (as Duncan) is fixated with the opportunity to get a whole horde of naked berserker woman at his command...

The group seems to start favouring Erica, but follow along to Mitch's painting - The Woman Scorned and the Lonesome Man. They learn of Mitch's good nature and humanity. While the group decides about how they will test Mitch, Christian attempts to trick Elijah into passing the Charge on to him. Elijah says he will if Christian can convince the whole group. Using his Perfect Lie, Christian tricks Duncan into supporting him. Lucy and Gareth are adamant that Christian shouldn't get the charge, but Claire is somewhat uncertain which way to go and in doing so gives a vague answer that Christian is able to exploit.

Claire decides that she wants to play Stan, one of the guys who knows Mitch "because I want to find out what it's like to be able to piss standing up!"

Christian decries, "If she's taking a guy for that reason, I'll be the woman so I can play with my tits!"

What follows is a hilarious scene where Claire and Lucy, as Mitch's two buddies, try to out crass each other before heading off to the men's toilets to piss standing up together. Meanwhile Christian struggles with getting in touch with his feminine side- including an unfortunate incident with attempting to apply make-up, struggling with his bra strap and ...

Gareth (as bartender): Excuse me, but are you trying to attempt a thong-extraction in public?!

Christian manages to almost break his leg twice while trying to walk in heels, but somehow miraculously manages to seduce Mitch. The rest of the crew hold back from doing anything...

Claire: I want to see how far Christian is going to go...

Lucky for Christian, Elijah comes out at just the last moment while Gareth calls out "Hey, isn't that the husband of that drunk chick?"

As the vision fades, Christian gets Elijah to pass the charge over.

On the way to Dean's picture, the group sees Duncan's - it shows Duncan in a business suit, a briefcase overflowing with papers. He has in his hand a Big Mac and there is a look of bliss on his face.

The plaque reads something along the lines of "The Perfect Moment"

Next the group sees Claire's picture - It shows two Barbies standing back to back, one appears to be crying while still looking perfect. In the distance is the Barbie Corvette with Ken driving away. It is simply called "Love's Labours Lost."

Dean's picture is called "Dean goes Big Time" and reveals the level of ruthlessness that Dean is capable of. The crew manage to take a bleak scene and challenge Dean - with rather hilarious consequences in the face of possible death...

Duncan (as Eugene): We can't kill him we... urk! Taking over my mind! Can... not... control... myself... (starts stumbling around trying to pretend at being a zombie)

Claire (as a woman in the scene): What? I mean... yes... taking over ... my ... MIND!

Eventually the crew come back and debate about the results of the scene. Elijah asks "Did the charge help you figure anything out in anyway?" to Christian.

Gareth: YOU DID WHAT!

Christian bluffs, but also identifies that Dean was transformed by that experience. It is agreed that he isn't evil, but that what happened in the past still doesn't excuse his actions now.

The group debates over Erica and Mitch. Gareth randomly chooses a side - and picks Dean. In a moment of anxiety, Christian tries to convince the group that Mitch is more deserving. But the crew is too uncertain as to what the result of raising Mitch would do. They argue for Erica, but Christian points out that when someone becomes part of the universe, they wont care as much for where they came from. Erica's loss would greatly effect Mak Attax.

However, in the end, Lucy puts forward a strong argument in favour of Erica. Christian, in his usual nature, decides to agree and let the crew face the consequences - knowing that he will still be able to play his tricks if Erica ascends.

The crew inform Mac, who sends Erica to the Statosphere. There is a flash of light and the crew find themselves standing drenched in the reflection pool, a number of people staring at them in amazement.

They return to work, and the campaign ends with the music of Barry White while the crew go about their work as usual in Billington, Arizona...

The End.

[Menchi]

Thoughts on To Go

Firstly, thanks to Skywalker for doing such an awesome job as GM. He presented each session with a great sense of fun and character. :)

Overall, I loved the campaign. To Go had a lot of opportunities for gonzo weirdness that we all enjoyed.

There were some issues. We started at a slightly beefed up Street Level, and I kept feeling that this left us always a step behind or so from everything that was going on. I kept feeling that at Global level, things would have been a bit more interesting from an occult point of view. But it wasn't a biggie. :)

Unfortunately, a lot of the campaign relies on the players having some understanding of the cosmology of UA. I know a couple of the players always felt - even up to the last session - that they never really understood what was happening. Even after attempts were made to explain it in the game. :)

The ending felt a bit anticlimactic because there really wasn't any personal stake involved. Regardless of the choice, most of the crew were going to be uneffected by the results. There was nothing that made it personal. Further, Mitch was never really directly involved in any sessions, so it was odd to suddenly have to make a decision about him. Adding to this is a lack of any real information about what the consequences of each decision were likely to be. Considering that consequences are central to the theme of UA, this seemed a bit rough and it did make the decision somewhat unbalanced.

I think that ways to improve this is to run To Go over a longer period with more events happening between shakti locations - such as moments where the PCs get to interact with Mitch and become more familiar with him as a character. Also more personal storylines to make the PCs have a vested interest in the results.

On the plus side, though, the story is very intriguing. We had a LOT of fun while playing. The tone we took really worked for Unknown Armies, more so than the usual bleak ultraviolence that some people seem to think is central to UA's themes.

The surreality of the whole game was very fun.

As an entire experience - it was a very fun game. :)

Conan

[Skywalker]

Firstly, thanks to Skywalker for doing such an awesome job as GM. He presented each session with a great sense of fun and character. :)

Cheers. I enjoyed the campaign immensely.

There were some issues. We started at a slightly beefed up Street Level, and I kept feeling that this left us always a step behind or so from everything that was going on. I kept feeling that at Global level, things would have been a bit more interesting from an occult point of view. But it wasn't a biggie. :)

This was my original issue with the campaign and I agree. I did quite like the Big Lebowski feel of not really knowing what exactly was going on by the end though.

I know a couple of the players always felt - even up to the last session - that they never really understood what was happening. Even after attempts were made to explain it in the game. :)

I would like to note that I don't think Norman has ever really understood what is happening in any game I have run. I think our mind's run on seperate rails. :)

The ending felt a bit anticlimactic because there really wasn't any personal stake involved. Regardless of the choice, most of the crew were going to be uneffected by the results. There was nothing that made it personal. Further, Mitch was never really directly involved in any sessions, so it was odd to suddenly have to make a decision about him. Adding to this is a lack of any real information about what the consequences of each decision were likely to be. Considering that consequences are central to the theme of UA, this seemed a bit rough and it did make the decision somewhat unbalanced.

That is certainly a part of To Go but also partly by my choice. I didn't want the group to have a large personal stake in the final decision. The distance seemed appropriate to how the camapaign ran i.e. a surreal tour of occult America. Having some nobodies only tangentally interested in the result making the final decision just seemed right :)

I also purposefully kept Mitch in the dark for the campaign, as the risky yet promising option. The result was as I had hoped and the final decision was actually pretty tough for the players as a result. If more of Mitch had been seen, I think it would have made the mind up for the players as he would have been a clear favourite.