Dear Sun Jian,

[Pasha]

Shut up. Yeah, you heard me. "You haven't found it yet?" No, I haven't found it yet. If you want that damn Imperial Seal, you should get off your butt and look for it yourself. And you know why I haven't found it? BECAUSE THERE IS AN ENTIRE ARMY HERE TRYING TO KILL ME! Even Lu Bu himself is here. So I can't actually look for the seal since I am fighting for my life. Sorry.

Maybe you should have your troops look for it? As opposed to letting them sit around on their butts, doing nothing? Oh yeah, I forgot, every single one of your forces suck. I seem to be the only person in your entire army that knows how to hold a sword. Speaking of which, why don't you actually listen to anything that I say? I am the only one who is actually doing any work - just let me handle things and everything should turn out okay, right? So when I say "Don't send your troops to follow that retreating general, it is a trap!", what do you do? You follow him, of course. And then *I* have to be the one to save your butt once again.

Here is an idea for future battles. You bring along your entire army, and have them build a large earthen fort. You then sit your army down inside, with a bunch of archers on the top to hold off any attackers. Close the gates and wait. I will be outside the fort and will go ahead and kill every enemy officer and general. Just to be fair to them, I won't bring along my bodyguards. It should only take me about half an hour or so. That huge battle against the Nanman armies would have gone so much better if you had done this ...

But no matter what, I kind of think that this won't happen. Ahh well ...

Your best (and most unappreciated) officer,

Zhou Tai

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, I was thinking about the endings for DW4 last night (after beating the game again using Zhou Tai - I got the #3 ending). So all the Wu characters are having a party after they have taken over China. And I think that having a final party would be the perfect way to end a roleplaying campaign. Instead of a monologue of what the PCs do after the world is saved, or how the world is changed, ect - just a wild party. That would be cool ... ^^

[Cessna]

I have no idea what this is about, but it's pretty damn cool...!


I'll try to work it into an upcoming HKAT game somehow...!

[Kakkaraun]

I want DW4.

You fucker. :)

[Pasha]

>> I have no idea what this is about, but it's pretty damn cool...!

It is about Dynasty Warriors 4, a cool video game where you run around killing ancient chinese soldiers. ^^ Very fun ...

>> I want DW4.

>> You fucker.

You should definitely get it, it is really fun. I am not at all into action games, but this one really caught my attention.

[alexandria2000]

*snicker*

I don't play, but I watch Isaac play. I get you.

-A2K

[Kakkaraun]

Originally posted by Pasha
You should definitely get it, it is really fun. I am not at all into action games, but this one really caught my attention.

I might. I have a gift card at Best Buy now. Need D2: LoD, Enter the Matrix, and DW4.

[Fred the Monkey]

"Don't fall behind!"

Excuse me? Who has over 200 KOs (not kills mind you, this is PG game)? And who is sitting on their ass in the background?

And furthermore, who is the one who walked into the enemy ambush, eyes wide open? And who was the one who came screaming all the way over from the other frickin' side of the battle field (about 3km in scale) just to rescue a certain idiot from the enemy amubush?

I'm just saying monkey-

[Pasha]

"We should try harder too!"

Well, yeah, that would be nice. I kill more troops then the rest of the entire army, combined. You guys just sit on your butts the whole time, cleaning up after me. Maybe instead of "trying harder", you should actually first start "trying" ...

[alexandria2000]

"We must fight well!"

Hello - who is presently making the whole of Nanman their whiny little bitch? My husband, not YOU, wherever the hell you are right now.

[Pasha]

"This doesn't look good!"

Um, dude. There's only one guy you are fighting. And he is just standing there. And you have like 20 ally soldiers around you. Why do you want me to come halfway across the battlefield to save your butt from that one measly guy, who I can kill by staring at him hard? Dude, you suck.

[VoiceOfIsaac]

"You are a true hero of the Three Kingdoms!"

Well, DUH. I can wipe out over a dozen elite soldiers with a casual flick of my wrist; I single-handedly forced every enemy general on the field either into a fast retreat or into an early grave.

You *better* be calling me a Hero, or I'll go all Musou on your ass!

- and one more thing... shouldn't I be getting PAID for this? - Isaac!

[Jian]

Dear Cao Cao, Sun Jian, and Liu Bei, in that order;

It has come to my attention that just because you think I'm some sort of meathead you think now would be a good time to conquer China when I'm making out with Diao Chan and not looking.

Boy, was that a mistake.

Cao Cao, you're first. I always hated you, you know. And don't think your strategy can save you. As the classics will say, "Lu Bu's might was so great that no trick or stratagem could hope to defeat him." And don't think Dian Wei will save your ass this time either. You were there at Hu Lao Gate, right? You saw what I did to him with his own axe, right?

NOW you're getting it. If you want to live, have Red Hare standing outside He Fei castle at noon tomorrow.

Sun Jian - the mighty Tiger of Jiang Dong. How mighty will you feel when I've crushed your entire army like a dim sum urn? See you Wednesday afternoon. Bring your army, I'll bring five bodyguards. we'll see who's standing after fifteen minutes.

Liu Bei - man, I gotta say I've only had the greatest respect for you. Why you hang around with that fatass Zhang Fei and that loser oh-I-think-I'm-the-god-of-war-just-cos-I-nicked-Red-Hare Guan Yu I just can't see. If I stuck with every brother oath I made when I was drunk I'd be buying birthday presents til New Year. Anyway, same deal. I'm not like you guys - when I wanna beat someone down, I don't pussy around wasting three whole days on cunning tricks and ambushes and crap. One battle, two hundred kills, about fifteen minutes.

Yours sincerely
The mightiest warrior in Chinese history,
Lu Bu.

[alexandria2000]

*snorts with laughter*

-A2K

[Sad_Genius]

Originally posted by Kakkaraun
Need Enter the Matrix

Trust me, you don't.

-M-

[Zweihander]

Originally posted by Kakkaraun
I might. I have a gift card at Best Buy now. Need D2: LoD, Enter the Matrix, and DW4.

Let me edit that for you:

I have a gift card at Best Buy now. Need DW4.

Much better :D

[Jian]

Originally posted by Sad_Genius
Trust me, you don't.

-M-

Seconded.

[Unregistered]

To: My bodyguards

Re: "Let's join the others!"

Why? So you can stand in one spot and do a little pony step for an hour and a half while I gut about 500 people who look like they all came out of the same cooter? Or is it some suicidal thing? "The others" as you so quaintly put it, are getting slaughtered. Especially when I don't look at them for some reason. Since both these reason are pretty stupid, I can only assume that you want to join them because they have pop tarts. And if they do, by the Holy Emporer, I'll kill them and take them myself.

Now less talky, more shooty. I didn't spend 3 days in Nanman to get you those bows because I thought the color went with your shoes.

[Pasha]

Dear Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao,

Where did you get your outfits from? Did Zhao Tai and Gan Ning somehow find a portal to modern Japan where Zhao Tai picked up a katana and some schoolgirl outfits? You know, next time they visit, maybe Zhao Tai should get a few GUNS or something like that, and not spend all his time hanging out in the fetish clothing shops. And apparently Gan Ning spent all his time browsing the "gangsta rap" section at the local music store ... Also, maybe you should drop the high heels, since it is hard enough to fight let alone walk in them ...

PS: I think your husbands hate you. Not only do they let you two wander around the battlefield where there are tons of guys trying to kill you with swords and spears but they also only give you fans to defend yourselves. Also, I think that Cao Cao is a total pervert and apparently wants to get both of you into bed with him. It must be the schoolgirl outfits ... (and your husbands are just as bad).

Dear Yue Ying,

I feel sorry for you since you have to save your husband's ass every battle. Yeah he is smart, but no common sense. "I will fight them ... with my fan!" What a moron! No wonder you kick butt so much - you have to or else you would be a widow in about ten minutes. And I hate to break it to you, but sometimes your husband's grand ideas really, really suck. The Nanman Campaign, anyone? What a great idea! Let's bring about a tenth of size of the opposing army, in the hot summer jungle, and just charge through! Fantastic! Did you like get him drunk the night before, or something? Or maybe it was your guys' "special night" and he didn't have time or energy to actually plan anything before the battle? You know what, I don't think I want you to answer that last question ...

Dear SSX,

You are super hawt. Too bad you had to marry Liu Bei, since he was like twice your age. And, of course, keep an eye on Zhao Yun, as he hates you because you get to sleep with Liu Bei rather then him ... ^^ But that is okay, you are way cooler then your brothers and father, as they completely suck.

PS: Tell Sun Ce to get a *real* weapon.

Dear Diao Chan,

Again, drop the high heels. Your hair is nice, though. But what do you see in Lu Bu? Do you just really like the insect look? "Oh baby, your .. uh, antenna are so sexy!" Also you must be deceptively strong, or else those two mace-things you carry around must be made of paper mache. Are you in some sort of eternal race with Taishi Ci over who can carry around the two heaviest weapons? Right now I think he is winning, since he seems to have uprooted two stone pillars and carved a handle on them. But keep trying!

[Leggy Starlitz]

Dear Lu Bu,

Fuck your cheating ass. Once I get a couple of these free missions under my belt, I'm coming back to Hu Lao gate, accepting your challenge, and JAMMING THAT SPEAR UP YOUR ASS YOU MOTHERFUCKING HACKER!

Regards,
Huang Gai

[alexandria2000]

Laugh points to all of you.

-making me laugh myself sick A2K

[Torawashi]

Dear Zhang He:

Look. I get it already. The trees are pretty. The charge down the hill is pretty. The enemy camp is pretty. The fall of the Han is pretty. You are pretty. However, could you please take a moment to notice that the pretty troops are about to overrun our pretty encampment and slaughter our pretty general?

Or are those claw things for your pretty, pretty hair? They are, aren't they.

[domino]

Originally posted by Kakkaraun
Need Enter the Matrix


Originally posted by Sad_Genius
Trust me, you don't.

-M-

Thirded. But go ahead and rent it.