Best Examples of Witty Repartee?

[Fatwetdog]

Banter counts too. What's the best sampling of dialogue you've seen in a game? What's the best thing you've ever said in game?
(Okay, I'll never know if it didn't really happen in a game and you just made it up, but it's fun to pretend)


Shadowrun: "Do you want to be gangers, or businessmen, or gangers who get down to business?"

Buffy: "Don't put that mask on! Because if you put that mask on then you won't be just a Demon-Hunting Robot anymore. You'll be a Demon-Hunting Robot Ninja, and no one should get to be that cool!"



FWD

[MercutioWilder]

In AD&D the making of magic items required the characters to gather together all sorts of rare crap to make it work. Which ultimately led to one of the characters seeing a cow and saying,

"We need a bucket, a funnel and a flask."

That was years ago and we still haven't stopped laughing about it. Unfortunately you had to've been there to know why it made sense.

The other would have to be (from the same player, he has a knack for this sort of thin):

"Don't worry! I won't let him bleed to death," just before killing the downed opponent.

Tee hee

-merc

[Peter LaCara]

"Hey, I'm just here for the violence."

It's not so much banter as a one-liner that I'm particularly proud of, from one of my rare stints at being a player, rather than a GM.

[yakasha]

"ERIC! ITS A GAZEBO!!!"

Just last Saturday, after being thoroughly mauled (51 dmg to a 54 hp character), "I think its time to change my name to Roy."

[Moloch]

I got the nickname the Arson Parson for destroying a city block for accidently hiting a tanker truck during a firefight with mythos-powered gang in a CoC game.

[Sammael99]

You could do worse than to check out the Actual Play thread for Dying Earth by Gentrification (http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=53809&highlight=dying+earth) . It seems to be nothing but banter...

[Lord Mhoram]

The PCs were approached by medium level functionary of an orginization who was looking to kill them, while having dinner at a resturant. After ignoring this guy standing by thier table, one PC gestures at the head person of this organization at another table and deadpans "We talk to the organ grinder, not the monkey."

[Moloch]

Originally posted by Sammael99
You could do worse than to check out the Actual Play thread for Dying Earth by Gentrification (http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=53809&highlight=dying+earth) . It seems to be nothing but banter...

Its amazing how a game can be just banter.

[Unregistered]

A little background on this one: we had set up a pseudo-campaign for Shadowrun. The thing was that it wasn't a real campaign, because (one) we were just using modules willy-nilly and (two) even if the characters died, it would only affect us in that we'd lose out on the sweet sweet money and karma we might earn.

So we're stuck in the Tir, and the borders have just been locked down. "There's no way we're gonna get out of here!"

...

"Whatever. I shoot myself and respawn at home."

[Fatwetdog]

Exalted:

PC: "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to accept gifts from strangers?!"

PC2: "My mother was a Cynis lady and the daughter of a Senator. She taught me a lot of things, and none of them involved refusing presents."



FWD

[Geoff Hall]

All of these are from various points in a D&D campaign I participate in. It used to be done RL when it started about 3 years ago but for the last couple of years its been done online which, conveniently, means there are archives for most of it:

Dark Messiah: Gw>as you're looking around, a beautiful silver comb decorated with moonstones catches your eye. You're not entirely sure why you are suddenly so interested in hair products


Dark Messiah: Gw>you find some meat
hebenon: Take meat
hebenon: Eat meat
hebenon: Drop sand
hebenon: Score
Ertai: You have scored 1 out of a possible 126. You rank as a mere tourist

Marenon: "Oh no our money, I mean companion!"

Waldair: well it appears I don't have wilderness lore as I am in fact retarded
Aramil: W> I thought you were some kind of ranger!
Waldair: I did too

Heb (whispering): (Aren't we here because Fervil wants another chance to pull after failing at the Council of Rahana)?

Aramil (whispering): So last year you said "Can't have all servants of the DM being purple eyed cause you'll spot them to easily". And now we have Fyanilin with ONE PURPLE EYE, pointed out to me specifically when he joined, and did we spot him? Did we fuck.

Dark Messiah: that's right, Captain Morgaine had just appeared
Dark Messiah: Aramil: "We get signal."
Dark Messiah: Captain Morgaine: "Good evening gentlemen, my name is Captain Morgaine. Welcome to my little encampment. All your base are belong to us."
Dark Messiah: Aramil: "Someone set up us the bomb!"
Dark Messiah: Captain Morgaine: "Hahaha. Make your time!"
Dark Messiah: Waldair: "For Great Justice!"

Owyn: H> "No, we escaped from probable imprisonment, torture and eventual death by sneaking down here"
** Heb raises an eyebrow **
Owyn: H> "So, did you miss our company?" ;-)

Aramil: F> yes all cities have a temple to ghouls under - its how we deal with garbage and excess corpses

Owyn to Waldair: "Lead on, but if I get killed I swear I'm going to haunt you"

There are plenty of others but about 1/2 of the archives haven't been put up yet *glares @ DM*

[Topher]

Every word that comes out of Belissica's mouth, of course.

Especially when she was talking to RO-BAIR.

To-phair

[Jackob]

During an Adventure! campaign:

Woman (after my character propositioned her); "Mr. O'Brien, do I LOOK like a prostitute!?!"

Me (looks her over); "Not a very expensive one."

Same campaign. Our plane has gone down in the jungle. The ladies are looking for supplies. Suddenly, my character and the British lord notice about 20 natives with blowguns who do NOT look happy.

British Lord; "Well, now, there's quite a number of them, but each good Englishman is worth 20 of those, so that is 2:1 odds in our favor. That's hardly sporting."

Me; "How many times do I have to tell you, I'm IRISH!"

BL; "Then we're in trouble."

Me; "Duck!!!" (Dives for cover)

BL; "What? A true British gentleman does not 'duck' and..." (Is hit multiple times with blowgun darts, goes down like a felled tree while firing his revolver).

[alexandria2000]

Jason Hinds can *always* send me into convulsions with what he says as the superhero-in-training Timmy "Model Citizen" DePaul in our TFOS campaign. This one liner was one of my favorites.

Model Citizen confronted one of the Unpleasant 23 who was in on the plot to drug his mother - a werewolf named Fang. A werewolf, though, who's more of a were-dachshund more than anything - not much taller than four feet, wears jeans, and has serious esteem issues re: the rest of the U23, who see him as a flunky and not really one of their number.

As such, Timmy's not impressed.

"I'll savage you!" Fang whined. "Beware my inner beast!"
"Inner beast?!?" Timmy says, incredulously. "You don't even have an inner BEASTIE BOY!"

Game comes to a screeching halt as the GM and other player (me) laugh ourselves sick and have to recollect ourselves.

It got worse when Timmy tossed a stick and told him to fetch....

[Olof Jönsson]

Exalted: My Thief-of-Baghdad-inspired Night Caste, being sarcastic about a Cult of the Illuminated-cultist who is being the rolemodel for a airport-harassing type of guy.

Cultist: "You must listen to my words, Chosen Ones."

Me: (very quietly) "...'and for only three silver dinars, I can offer you these pamphlets on the Secrets of the Ancients! Or perhaps a rabbit's foot blessed by my Gods, in person?'"



Later, when the Cultist is ranting of how we will save Creation...

Me: (Adopting a mock dramatic pose, and speaking in a deep, silly voice, think "The Tick) "Yes, brave lunatic, I *am* Creation's last hope! I just need to gather my invisible army of pink unicorns and dancing bears to do it!"

My character is pretty much the resident down-to-Creation comic relief and master of sarcasm. :D



In the middle of a deep, dark forest, near Fair Folk territory: "Oh, look, another fellow just happening to be about. I wonder if we'll pop into the Scarlet Empress next, eh what?"




Barbarian Twilight, regarding some warg-riding hobgoblins: "Apparently stealth wasn't on their list of concerns by this point."

Lunar ex-general: "No. Threats are merely devoured"

Me stepping pointedly around a small, glowing green pile of... "Or crapped upon."



And his witty banter with the barbarian Twilight Caste is hilarious.

Me, idly, thinking of how everyone in the Circle seems to have a familiar of some highly unusual sort: "You know, I should get some kind of pet for myself too. How does a Tyrant Lizard sound?"

Barbarian twilight dude, believing him to be utterly serious: "If you could accomplish such a thing, I would bring you great honor among many people. I wish you luck, but their mouths are even more offensive than your own."

Me: "Really? I was thinking I'd use the largest, most useless piece of meat I have readily available as bait when I catch it. You volunteering?"


or



Me, speaking about my Exaltation: "Someone just told me to bring his light into dark places. Like (barbarian character's) feet, I surmise."

Barbarian character: "Perhaps he was speaking of the treasure vault you call a heart."

Me: "My heart? Which one? I have several hearts. Mostly stolen."

:D

[BloodKnight]

In my campaign, the PCs meet up with a famous bounty hunter/ranger in my world who had the hots for one of the female characters.

PC1: "So you kill people just because there is profit involved? You are no better then the criminals we hunt!"

Peterson: "Everybody dies. I just get paid to make sure that happens"

[Craig Oxbrow]

From a Vampire crime story:

The Gangrel hitman gets the drop on a Setite ghoul outside the drugs and guns supply house he's about to smash into, gets him to put his hands up... and the player realises he actually has no questions for him.

A pause.

"Sorry for keepin' you in suspense."

BANG

[David Goodner]

The game: Champions
The scene: Our intrepid supers have all come to a house where very strange things are going on. We just pulled a badly mangled bodyguard from a horde of zombies and brought him back to life.

Bodyguard: Oh my GOD! You have to help the senator!
Phantasm: Valiant, I'll go around, you go over.
Valiant (my PC, a budget version of Superman): [looks at the house] I'm on it. It's not even a tall building.

All my other characters are boring and grim. It's nice to have one who likes to quip.

David G.

[teucer]

There was the mage game where the VA (who was way too into, ah, adult entertainment... funny only because his player wasn't) mistakenly called Porthos, one of the most powerful spellcasters alive, 'Pornos'. If I hadn't believed back then in fudging die rolls to save the PCs...

The same character had a tendency to loot bodies. So one time, he finds that this dead doctor is carrying a vial of liquid. "Oh, cool, tass!" (Drinks it). *Then* he discovers it's ipecac...

[Ben Brown]

Originally posted by Moloch
Its amazing how a game can be just banter.

Many of our games are just banter.

[Peter K.]

So a few years ago in the endless Ravenloft campaign, this guy playing a sleezy bard beds some prostitute in the Ravenloft realm of "Londontown". The DM just says that he has a satisfying night (not willing to roleplay the encounter). And the next morning the bard starts questioning the prostitute on what she knows about this Jack the Ripper guy we travelers have been hearing about. Of course being no one in particular she doesn't know anything, but the bard presists in his questioning for quite awhile, sure that as the only NPC he's taken the time to encounter so far she must know something.
After about 5-10 minutes of this I interjected, in my best cockney whore accent:
"Why won't you leave me alone!? What more do you want from me!? I already gave you my body!"

After months of wading through mist and zombies it cut the tension nicely.