Hello,

I am not my usual computer, but tough times call for expert input.

Ahem.

The living amniotic vertebrates include: turtles, mammals, squamates (snakes and lizards), crocodiles, and birds. Just where dragons fit in with this is gonna prompt spit-spraying debate, but they definitely belong with this chunk o'creatures rather than any others. So let's lift the hind end and look at the pee-pee area.

The default amniotic vertebrate possesses a cloaca, a common opening for the anal and urinary orifices. The male has a penis tucked against the interior ventral wall of the cloaca, which is extruded at times of need. The female's vagina orifice opens into the cloaca as well.

This arrangement is observed in turtles, some birds, some mammals, and crocodiles. Here are the funny changes in the rest of'em.

1) Most mammals have separated Mr. Anus from Mr./Ms. Genitals + Mr. Urethra. (male prefixes used just for fun, sorry gals) Look down if you're not sure what I mean ... all these parts are NOT in a little tucked-away orifice all together, right? If they are, I want to meet you - you're worth a publication to me.

2) Most male birds have gone and done something else: Mr. Penis has ... um, gone away. (Horrors!) How do they fuck, then? They butt up (heh) their two cloacae, in something called a "cloacal kiss" (make loud sucking smooch noise), and presently the male squirts semen across to the female. Yeah, copulation without a penis. The wonders of nature.

3) Squamates (lizards and snakes) are just tres weird, and it's not just because I'm a mammal. (Looks down, checks - nods.) OK, first, the males have no penis; it's gone, just like in the birds. But then! Oooh, oooh, the males have two totally separate organs growing out of the skin right about where their hipbones would be (actually, well, snakes do ... but never mind, too much detail hurts the mind). These are called hemipenes (each is a hemipenis; did you know the plural of "penis" is "penes"?). When snakes or lizards get it on, the male uses one of them.

So! What's up with the dragon? If it's a squamate (snake or lizard), then it's hemipenes time. If it's a crocodile, then see the default amniotic vertebrate section. And if it's a bird/dinosaur deal, then that's probably the case as well, unless it's a derived bird in which case it's the Big Chop. (Oh yeah ... highly sophisticated observations by stern-faced paleontologists have revealed that Tyrannosaurus rex did indeed have the muscle attachments associated with twitching one's penis, so we figure these dinos, anyway, had the croc/basic bird/basic amniote arrangement.)

But! The spunky grad student in the back will pipe up and remind us all that any distinctive creature may well possess ... wait for it ... autapomorphic features, which is a fancy way of saying that dragons, like derived mammals or squamates or any of the #1-3 weirdies up there, might display some *unique* variant on the basic amniote arrangement, not seen anywhere else! Hmmm, says the prof, that is so, as I was about to say.

Gaming and the doctorate, mated (if you will) at last. My life is complete.

Best,
Ron