Post originally by Battle of the Proofreaders! at 2005-06-20 01:19:38
Converted from Phorums BB System

Good effort, and kudos for not taking offense when people commented on your errors. I hope you won't mind my pointing out some that you missed.

"...as if it were designed for me in mind," should be "*with* me in mind."

"Keep in mind I enjoy d20 and all the advances, insights, and quality products."

This sentence made more sense before you deleted "...it has brought to the table."

"While storytelling I do not like to build a character from the ground up. Consulting charts and tables ... is time consuming."

Again, I thought this paragraph was fine the way you originally wrote it.

"...the same rules the players have created there own characters with," should be "*their* own characters..."

"While I am fully certain one can build a character top down in a standard d20 system."

This is a sentence fragment. It was more grammatical as originally written.

"...choices that matter such as, creating adversaries..."

If you're going to add a comma here, it should go before "such".

"...character creation is handled though a point system," should be "*through* a point system."

"The paperwork is lessoned..." should be "The paperwork is *lessened*..."

"I bet it is the most popular flavor."

Actually, vanilla is the most popular flavor of ice cream.

"...when its apparent that he must be a Jedi Guardian..." should be "when *it's* apparent..."

"...trying to stuff a Yoda peg into a d20 class hole..."

As an aside, I loved this metaphor.

"Well they made it an optional rule and stuck it not in the core book."

Where *did* they stick it then?

"Then if you defined hit points as luck, then why the heck..." The second "then" is redundant.

"...this would sit nicely however, I would rather not have them based on profession or redefined entirely."

There should be a semicolon after "nicely". Also, the sentence structure is a tiny bit ambiguous; it could be read to mean that you'd rather not have them redefined entirely.

"I toyed around with different types of hit points some for combat, some from magic, and whatnot," should have a colon after "hit points".

"Or I guess you can just give everyone the same hit dice; like they do in some d20 games."

No. It was okay as written. You could have stuck in a comma, but not a semicolon, because "like they do in some d20 games" is not a complete sentence.

"I only wish they got rid of standard d20 attribute system..." should be "I only wish they *had* got rid of *the* standard d20 attribute system..." Also, the sentence would flow better with a comma before the second "and".

"...its hard bound, and is chucked full of pretty art..." should be "*it's* *hardbound*, and is *chock-full* of pretty art..."

"(I could care less about art...)"

Not a typo exactly, but the original expression is "*couldn't* care less". "Could care less" means that you do care at least a little.

Wyvern


"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
- William Shakespeare, "Hamlet"