Great job, Mikeythorn! I definitely agree that you did an excellent job for a first attempt -- so much so that I wouldn't have known it was your first try if you hadn't mentioned it.
I'd just throw in a couple of comments about the mechanics: one positive, one negative.
First, the negative: as in its "parent" system, BRP, attributes and skills are almost totally disconnected.
Second, the positive: the system allows for attribute and skill scores higher than 20 by treating every point above 20 as a bonus to the roll; i.e., if your skill is 21, you add 1 to your die roll. The maximum roll is still 20, but every point above 20 increases the likelihood of a critical success and eliminates the chance of a fumble.