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Old 10-09-2007, 03:33 AM
Kilazee's Avatar
Kilazee Kilazee is offline
Great Dragon of Space Ice
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: The (_|_)
Posts: 1
Thumbs up Re: [RPG]: Classroom Deathmatch, reviewed by EvilBrennan (5/3)

Damn straight, and as a regular player, allow me to point out the differences by quoting source material!!
Note that these are ripped from the review, but still pretty funny. I need to find the PDF amongst my CD collections to get more indepth. One thing I can mention to prove I have it: Goes above and beyond erotic D&D in the obsessively detail over various racial procreation methods. Also naked pictures of most of them. Another mention? Okay. There's a ton of D&D spells modified to be sexual aids, and explanations as to how you should use them. Again, the insane obsessive detail is above and beyond eroD&D. Everything from changing the size of Mr.Winky to turning it into a sentient symbiot that seeks out Ze Octopussoir to being able to afflict others with 'hilarious diseases' like Elephantitis with just a touch of your finger.

Quote:
If identified, rapists are imprisoned for weeks, though no more than a month. If the victim withdraws the complaint, the rapist is freed immediately. Imprisonment for rape consists of flogging, unless the rapist is an outsider, in which case the rapist is banished. When freed from imprisonment, a rapist is not considered criminal nor considered to be bad.

The social reaction to rape is rarely favorable to the victim. The human victims of gang rape are between the ages of 15 and 33. Child rape is rare. The rape of a child under the age of 14 or 15 is considered a serious crime. The victim loses her good name in almost all cases, and encounters difficulty in regaining her place in society and family. If the victim of rape is single, then fewer males desire her as a wife. If she is married, her husband may abandon her. Priests comprise 20% of the clientele at private brothels and public baths. Some priests are even members of nightly gang rapes. The victim of gang rape almost never accuses them of committing sodomy.
That's it, I'm moving to Neveria.

Quote:
Should any anus be stretched beyond the limit as determined by the table below, which differs from anus to anus, the orifice will rip to accommodate the incoming object. First, consider all relevant modifiers, then roll percentile dice and proceed to the following table
On second thought, with the rectal cavity being such a viable target, I may now.

Quote:
Jar of Jacking Off: Whenever a male opens this jar, they must pass a Drive sub-ability check at TH 80 or be compelled to force their fuckstick into the jar. Once inside, the jar will inexplicably grip it firmly and jerk it to completion, even against the will of the opener. Upon completion, the cummer must roll percentile dice. If the results are 01-10, then the jar becomes pregnant. If the jar is pregnant, it will not allow itself to be opened, but will care for the fetus within, which will be heard screaming by others within 1d100 feet day and night. After 9 months of fetal torture, the child will be born and the jar will break.

If the jar is broken during its pregnancy, then the dying and twitching fetus will explode after 1d6 rounds of twitching. The explosion will cause 1d4 Life Points of sonic damage to all within 1d4 miles. Baby parts are inexplicably everywhere.

When born, the baby will be Unethical Immoral, will serve the father loyally, will obsessively collect jars, and seem to be male but have no penis, but oversized testicles, which can never ejaculate. Therefore, this child will be forever frustrated.
HOW IS BABBY FORMED? BABBY FORMED FROM JARS KABOOM!

And now for some magic. When using an unknown item/spell, you need to flip a coin (1 or 0) and then roll 3d10 to figure out the unknown object's effect. Such glorious examples include the following.
Quote:
0154 Caster believes they must repair the nearest carriage.
0195 Caster now orgasms in the presence of candles.
0196 Caster develops obsessive-compulsive washing behavior.
0197 Caster now wants to kill everything wearing the color blue.
0198 Caster now only wants to have sex with old characters.
0199 Caster now only wants to have sex with pre-teens.
0200 Caster tries to fist-fuck the next sleeping female they see, no matter when or where.
0201 Caster now prefers mating with farm animals, and is now a zoophiliac.
0202 Caster develops a fetish to drink their own sperm once at each meal.
0203 The next female with Charisma over 120 orgasms upon seeing the caster.
0204 Caster strokes or fingers themselves, as is appropriate to their gender, once in each direction in public.
0205 Caster only wants to have sex, especially oral, with women on their rag.
0206 Caster’s buttocks itch for the next entire day. Suffer - 10 initiative.
0225 Caster’s asshole dilates to 9 inches in circumference every time they smell rain.
0251 Scratch n’ Sniff magical symbol of a smelly vagina appears on the forehead of each party member.
0252 Caster’s attack TH increases by 2d10 permanently.
0253 Eyeball appears on the caster’s cockhead. It can determine truth/falsity of 1 statement once per day.
0257 Nutsack of caster swells to 10d1000 in volume for 3d3 days.
0258 Next time caster poops, the turd comes alive, attacks caster: +80 TH, for 1 LP B dmg, CA 20, & 3 LP.
0259 Target turns into a fat, dark, female. MM decides appropriate penalties.
0883 Every time a spell is cast, the caster burps at 125 decibels.
0884 Every time a spell is cast, the caster bleeds from their ass.
0885 Every time a spell is cast, the caster punches themselves in the cock n’ balls/vag gash for 2 LP of damage.
0886 Every time a spell is cast, the caster’s eyes bug-out as if in severe constipation.
0887 Every time a spell is cast, the caster holds their right hand to their chest, attempts to bite their ear.
0993 Every time a spell is cast, must chant “You’re as ugly as the poo I left in your mama’s mouth!”
0997 Caster grows a piece of fruit from their dickhole/cuntpipe that ripens every 10 days. If eaten, +1 CA.
0998 Caster grows a piece of fruit from their dickhole/cuntpipe that ripens every 10 days. If eaten, -1 CA.
0999 Caster and target begin copulating instantly for 2d10 rounds. Target enjoys it thoroughly.
1000 Caster and target begin copulating instantly for 2d10 rounds. Target becomes a loyal henchman.
1001 Caster and target begin copulating instantly for 2d10 rounds. Target bites caster’s cock, 2d4 dmg.
1002 Caster and target begin copulating instantly for 2d10 rounds. Target laughs like madman and runs off.
I, of course, found many just a tad too infantile, and drew up around 1300 results to replace the stupider ones with, using my collection of avant-garde/guro mangas and comics as inspiration, along with a few nods to the ever-sensational She-hulk.

And finally a random pair of quotes about magical armours that only /b/ could love:
Quote:
35. Jewy Jewbacca, of: Whosoever dons this armor will acquire a nose twice the size and a manhood half the size. Further, the wearer will become extremely greedy and fight to the death for one silver piece. Finally, the wearer acquires 2 inches of hair all over their body, resulting in halving their Facial Charisma and Bodily Attractiveness. While hairy, the wearer must bathe every 1d6 hours or smell foul. The armor may be removed at any time and the wearer will return to normal.

50. Nigrous Nincompoopery, of: Whosoever dons this armor experiences a loss of 1d100 points from each sub-ability of Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma. The ass of the wearer will grow by 50% and be abnormally high. If the wearer is male, then those around him are 80% likely to believe that his manhood has increased, though it has not. The skin of the wearer becomes cursed and dark as night. Disposition turns to UI. Temperament becomes phlegmatic. The eyes of the wearer are visible 3 miles away at night. The wearer will have a body odor for 1d10 feet. On the bright side, the Physical Fitness of the wearer increases by 10%. The armor may be removed at will.
And that is why it is great. Welcome to /b/, the RPG, enjoy your stay. Seriously, the guy that wrote this is more than likely cut from the same cloth as the morons posting the numerous "Consistency/volume of bodily fluids" threads and seriously arguing the information within like it's a political platform. I love those guys. Everyone should. They're living embodiments of comedy and don't realize it.
Just don't let them become President for fuck's sake, two is enough.

So as you can see, there is totally no relation between Battle Royale-ish RPGs and FATAL.

By the way, throwing out the magic and retarded amounts of rolling and dropping a Superhero RPG's skillset in its place turns FATAL into a very freaky Drawn Together RPG.
I had a pretty successful session involving Blitzkreig Bambi fighting the US army for control of Yellowstone with two PCs per side, while the normal DT crew cameoed, and usually got blown up, save for Toots who at the tank shells and Xander who rode them.

Last edited by Kilazee; 10-09-2007 at 03:47 AM.. Reason: minor clarification
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