Scared newbie

[lighthouse]

I did not see it coming. I've written a few other games, published for free in old fanzines (yes I'm that old for a gamer). But you know, they did not cost a dime. If the reader did not like them, I had bigger things to worry about, like college. But with Newsies & Pickpockets, it has been quite different.

I don't know if it is because I'm actually selling this game for money, and I feel responsible for that money.

I don't know if it is because the creation and publication costs.

I don't know if it is because the first Chapter of the edited manuscript came with a carnival of red lines and corrections.

But I considered ditching the whole project. Yet, on a second thought, I decided that the large amount of red line only meant that the money I am paying to my editor is well spent. Yes, I could go whining English is my second language and all that, but that's how I hired professional help. The buyers are not going to buy the manuscript, but the finished product.

And if they don't like it, then what may I say? I'm trying my best.

If I lose some money, oh well, I've probably lost more money on stuff I didn't need or food I shouldn't have bought.

This is not my largest dream in life, which is becoming a good YA writer (in Spanish), but it's great enough to deserve a little goosebumps. I believe, I think, I owe this for my younger self.

[Steffworthington]

Keep at it. The result will justify the worry and work.

If it works then you'll be proud of it and have a bit of money.... if it doesn't then you can say "I tried that!" and be proud of the effort and be a little wiser.

Good Luck!

[Soundchaser]

Just remember, Failure is the mother of success.

[daMoose_Neo]

I know the feeling ^_^
I rolled my debut out at GenCon 2004, after years of design, playtest, etc. The night before leaving, I was so worked up I was sick. Took some cold medicine, as when I work myself sick its usually a sinus thing interestingly, and passed out exhausted from the prep work, packing, and fretting. At one point in the evening, my fiance wasn't sure if I was still breathing, I was too tired to breathe, lol! And, I can honestly say, it probably bombed. Just about paid for the trip, no where near close to paying for the product, and I wasn't feeling none-too-well in the aftermath.
The next year, however? SIGNIFICANT difference. Its a whole different world once your feet are wet. I learned from my mistakes. The following year I went in with the Forge on their booth to cut expenses. The first year I learned I was too close to the material to market it effectively, but I had a friend who could demo the hell out anything whom I bribed to come with and do the brunt of the demoing, leaving me to run side events where folks showed up because they were already interested. Sales were better overall from the previous year, I wasn't a nervous wreck, and a great time was had by all.

So, being scared, I think it happens to everyone, especially when its your first baby out there. Articles and small writing jobs are one thing, as you said the burden is on someone else, you just wrote the words, you're not responsible for the *product*. On your own title, however? Its all you, out there in the world for it to judge. And, in the end, all of the fretting, its good to get it out of your system and you'll see it was all nothing. Some folks will love it, some will hate it, most won't care. But, know that you did your best, appreciate the folks who enjoy the work, and enjoy the ride, because it is a lot of fun.

[tlynch999]

Oh boy do I know the feeling.

All I can say is stick with it! Yeah, it's scary as Hell putting yourself and your work out there for all the world to see (and poke at), but the rewards are SO worth the risk. Hang in there, take a deeeeeeep breath, and dive right the heck back in!

[lighthouse]

Thanks all for your words and encouragement. You know, now I don't know how I will be able to critic a game again

[daMoose_Neo]

Ah, but! You could be a designers best friend!
My theater teacher used to have a speech he'd give new kids in the class (I took it every year for four years, so did several others) about critiques and performances. Basically, it boils down to this: When you're on stage, acting, speaking, doing whatever it is you are doing, how you look and sound to yourself is TOTALLY different to how you look and sound to the folks out in the house. You can't do something, then hop off the stage and see how it plays.
In a way, it holds true for all creative mediums. True, we can sit back and reread our writing in a way that a stage actor cannot watch what they just did, but all the same we're still too close to the material to see what might be fundamentally wrong with it. With that kind of mentality, I happily accept any critique of my writing and material, provided it is given with an insightful eye toward improving it, not trashing it. Someone saying "It sucks!!" is weak; someone saying "I don't like it, and here's why", is better, as it helps you understand why someone not yourself would not like it. "It has promise, and here is where it is weak" is good start for someone who IS interested showing you WHY they think it, in its current state, isn't all that it could be.

So, yea~ Critique, by all means, critique away! Just realize why someone might initially react defensively and, if you haven't, do your best to show why you personally didn't like it in a reasonable manner or why you like it but where you feel it needs improvement. If you already do that, then you sir are an awesome reviewer and the kind more of is needed. Baseless praise and baseless trashing are equally bad, while thorough, honest, and insightful critiques are invaluable tools to improving your product and the industry at large.

And, by the same token, when your own titles are gone over by someone, do your best to differentiate between the "It sucks!" readers/reviewers and the other sorts. Take the ones that point things out to you under advisement and ignore the flat-out, one line remarks. Often times, its not the product even but the simple fact that the title wasn't for that person in the first place. With rare cases have I seen something that actually sucked...and that was a hilarious social train wreck that resulted in RPG.net being cursed if I recall correctly...

[NexusX]

Good advice, daMoose ...

I've never demoed an rpg design, but I have demoed one of my board game designs at Gencon (more than 10 years ago). It was very scary, and I was obviously much younger then, but overall it was a good experience. Ultimately I did not sell the game though I had a few companies ask me to formerly submit it, and it spent about a year at TSR (now WotC), going through a few rounds of editing and evaluation before they finally told me thanks but no thanks. I've submitted other games, but being there in person ... yeah, that's scary! Also, the more you have riding on something, the scarier it is. For example, when I was a young graphic artist, I was very scared going in for job interviews. Now, you're always a bit nervous, sure, but I found it much easier the more interviews I went to, and also when I already had a job and was just trying to get a better one (as opposed to needing a better one) that it was much easier. So you do get better at it with practice, and as such, it does get less stressful, especially if you don't over spend.

I'm currently working on revamping for publication, the Cosmothea rpg, so one day I imagine I'll be in the same boat again, but I'd like to think I've learned a few things over the years, and will be able to represent myself more professionally this time around and with less stress (notice I didn't say no stress). So, push past your fears! Remember, a loser isn't one who falls down, but one who refuses to get back up. That said, we should do a lot of research, gobs of playtesting, monitor the industry and consider timing, relevance, printing issues, etc.

One thing you don't want to do, especially in this difficult economy, is to sink a pile of money into an rpg. No matter how good the rpg is, times are rough for everyone, so go easy on it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do just yet - start off trying to sell it as a pdf and then move on to printing if it seems to be getting good feedback and reviews - but I'm still quite aways from that decision right now. I've done a sizeable amount of work, and have an artist, but currently I'm looking to assemble a team of designers and writers and am hoping in the long run to help other designers sell their work as well, but that's getting off topic.

The tendency is, of course, to take everything personally. We really need to step outside ourselves and listen to what people are saying about our games, gather the information, digest it, evaluate the worth of the comments, the potential issues with the game and see how we can fix it. One thing I've found and I know many writers do, is to set aside the game (or a rule you aren't quite sold on yet) and come back to it later with fresh eyes. Wait a few weeks, or even longer (while doing something else productive, hopefully - or while working on a different aspect of a game), then you won't be so close to it, and will be able to evaluate your baby more effectively.

If you are trying to sell it to a game company, make sure not to apologize for your game in public. "I would have printed this on nicer stock but ..." "The final game pieces will be much nicer looking. The illustrations will be done by another artist," etc. They know it's a prototype or that you're on a shoestring budget.

When discussing the game with new people, avoid saying things like, "This game is going to revolutionize the way you ..." or "This game is innovative and blows away the existing games on the market," or "This game is going to be the next thing everyone's playing," or other boastful claims I hear often. It just comes off really bad.

If you believe in what you are doing, don't give up. Sometimes the timing just isn't right. Sometimes you just need another head to look at it and help you fix it. You aren't a bad designer just because someone else can improve your work or help you. Even very experienced veteran game designers benefit greatly from talking with others and brainstorming. In fact, in some ways it's easier for an inexperienced game designer to be creative than an experienced one, because you have less box mentality. It's difficult thinking outside the box when you've been stuck in it for a long time.

I've spent many years on stage and I can tell you that even when you're scared, it's beneficial to try and act confident. Your posture, body language, voice, eye contact, being friendly, not arrogant or cocky - these all make a difference when you are pitching your game. There's a lot of jerks in the industry. Being friendly and trying not to be defensive will move you ahead of other designers that might even have a better product. Still, when it comes right down to it, believing in and having a good product will lend you confidence and increase your chances of success. Now I'd better stop before I hog any more space!

Bob