Overall, the book is well formatted, with alot of atmosphere, and a refreshingly original campaign setting. it retains the high level of quality whitewolf prides itself on, and is a great addition to any collection.
Post originally by Josh Harrison at 2003-05-12 23:09:31
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Hi there. Always nice to see somebody else join the club, giving their opinions on this stuff.
I haven't actually read your review yet, but a few things jumped out at me right off that you may want to keep in mind for future reviews.
(1) Paragraphs are your friends. Use them judiciously. Large blocks of text with no line breaks are bad.
(2) It may be online, but the normal rules of punctiation and grammar apply -- capitalize the first letter of your sentences, and generally make the article look like it would in "print." It's a lot easier to read and digest if you don't have to "translate" it.
Just a couple of friendly suggestions, as the only way to get better is to make mistakes, receive constructive criticism, and implement suggested changes.
-- Josh Harrison
"If you're not having fun, you're not playing the game right."
Post originally by Belphanior at 2003-05-13 06:40:13
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Sorry to say this, but the review was kind of a let down. Apart from the lack of capitaliztion at the start of a new sentence, there's some annoying typos as well.
Worse, there are quite a few errors and holes.
The Primordeals did *not* consist out of Yozis and Malfeans. The Primordeals who were killed became Malfeans. Those that were imprissoned became Yozis.
There are only 2 real Primordeals left: Gaia and Autochthon.
The Yozi did NOT hide. They were forcibly locked up by the gods. Similary, the Malfeans were NOT locked up in a realm of their own. They were Primordeals that died, but because the world was less than they were, it could not contain them, and they sunk into a new world of death: the Underworld.
No mention is made of where the US, Luna, and the Maidens came from. Pity, because it is quite important to know that they were made by the Primordeals in the first place.
The Scarlet Empress ruled for more than 700 years, but not for 1000. Also, it has been 5 years since she disappeared, not 2.
The Houses do not fight amongst themselves for the throne (yet).
Stunts, while so important and refreshing a mechanic, are not mentioned either.
Post originally by Brand Robins at 2003-05-14 00:23:05
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While I won't argue that the review was poorly formated and needed some serious editing, I would note that a lot of the information you stated is not present in the core book (at least explicity.)
Some of the errors (the number of years in the Empress's case, for example) are straight up errors. Others, however, are things that many people thought (or at least were unclear on) before books like GoD and Bo3C came out.
So yes, the review needed lots of work, but we can't blame him for not reviewing information not in the core book in a review of the core book.
(It was a review of just the core book, right? I got lost about halfway through.)
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