Post originally by Johnny McKenna at 2004-04-09 07:47:05
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This sounds like the kind of movie that used to be featured on "Mystery Science Theatre 3000." In fact, I kept thinking of "Future War" as I read it (a mind-numbingly horrible film about some Jean-Claude Van Damme knock-off fighting dinosaur puppets). I suppose if someone took this kind of view on the game, and everyone involved was really drunk, CYBORG COMMANDO might be fairly enjoyable. I can't imagine playing this game with a straight face.
A very entertaining review. And important since, you know, these "very realistic" aliens based on "hard science" might one day become a "reality."
Post originally by Jorjowsky at 2004-04-09 07:57:44
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I agree with Mike: It was a very amusing, yet informative review. Thanks, Cassander! And keep 'em coming.
And also, for the two or three people left in the world who haven't read it yet, here's the link to another brilliant Cyborg Commando review. You know which one I'm talking about... the one in the Critical Miss e-zine:
http://www.criticalmiss.com/issue3/
(just click on the "The Worst Roleplaying Game Ever Written?" link, and you're set)
Post originally by Voltan at 2004-04-09 08:03:49
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Ouch!
I tried to run this game way back when it was first published. I felt a tremor of unease after opening the box (post 'impulse buy'). Much as you pointed out in your review, there seemed to be a whole lot of sound and fury (basic and advanced rules, unending skill lists, alien and earth force descriptions) that signified nothing (after all that...d10x?!?!?!) I was looking for the Terminator and I got 'The Day the Earth Ended' (with its dive-helmeted, gorilla-bodied 'ro-man').
Despite this, I was determined not to let my $20 or so go to waste and quickly cooked up a scenario which I thought I could stomach: Alien plague ravages city, only the CYBORG COMMANDOES by virtue of their high firepower and sealed systems can help get important scientists out amidst Alien monsters, infected citizens and demented survivalists (hey, it was the 80's...) I came up with quick and dirty maps of a high security compound and the surrounding area, encounter tables, a timleine and went to work.
The game never moved beyond character creation. I think I lost basic enthusiasm as I wrote the scenario and the more idiotic aspects of both the mechanics and the setting began to get to me. This was not helped by the production values: 'laser fists', freakishly large robot bodies. I guess the last straw was an illustration of a cyborg group using one of their severed heads to 'peel' around a corner - the concept of a hulking, headless, 8' tall cyborg trying to be stealthy made me get up from my desk and go to the window for a long, loud scream. Nausea continued to build as I read the treatise extolling the virtues of d10x...including statistical curves. I rolled d10x time and again and found it serviceable enough, though the question 'Why?' began to present itself. I decided to press foward anyway.
The real failure happened when I couldn't get my players to generate characters. I still remember the questions that sent ice up and down my spine:
Player1:"So let me get this straight. We're a bunch of guys who are going to fight aliens by having our heads cut off and put inside our CHESTS!?!? Then we can use laser guns in our knuckles to 'beeuuw! beeuw! beeuw!' them into ashes?"
I decided $20 wasn't worth my self-respect and quickly switched to an old D+D module I had lying around. The Plague City scenario made it into an Aberrant game many years later and the Cyborg Commandoes will make an appearance in an upcoming Angel rpg session as misguided attempts to battle a demonic invasion from an alternate reality.
Post originally by Paul Glenn at 2004-04-09 08:41:44
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I don't want to start a flame war, but it sounds like Cyborg Commando is a lot like Rifts; the biggest difference is that CC seems to be substantially more one dimensional. But in terms of a goofy setting with lots of kewl powerz . . . Am I wrong about that? I don't know Rifts well at all, so I might be.
Post originally by Laughing maniac at 2004-04-09 11:02:48
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How dare you besmirch the mighty name of the incomparable Gary Gygax with this negative review? It is your duty and your honor to defend everything he has done, and that includes this game and other pieces of low-grade nonsense he has done such as Canting Crew and other crap. That you can't defend this properly, and give it the highest possible rating means you are obviously a roll-player of the lowest quality and your intelligence bracketed around a 3 or a 4.
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