Skippy Joins The Imperial Guard!

[David Johansen]

This thread: http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?t=209823

got me thinking that we need to build a "thing skippy isn't allowed to do" list for the Imperial Guard in Warhammer 40000.

It's here because plenty of people roleplay 40k with a variety of different games. This is definantly more of a roleplaying resource than a miniatures game discussion.

1 - Fire the lasgun at our spacemarine and enseer allies to illustrate its lack of stopping power.

2 - The officer's mess is not to be used as a Grox latrine.

3 - The spacemarines would prefer not to be greeted with a rousing chorus of "If I Only Had a Brain"

4 - The commisar is not and never has been a "comfort woman" for the forces of chaos.

5 - The commisar's Rosarius is not a "Sparkly".

6 - The icons of the most holy and righteous emperor shall not be referred to as "The goofy lookin' dead guy".

7 - It is not acceptable to invite the eldar invaders to briefings.

8 - Don't tell the recruits that the eldar invaders are just looking for a good time.

9 - Commisar Janessa's com channel shall not be posted in latrines nor on shells to be fired at the eldar invaders.

10 - Commisar Janessa didn't make the spacemarine captain forget the emperor for any length of time, nor was he crying the emperor's name in her tent.

[TygerTyger]

"Definantly"?

No, I have nothing more useful to add.

[Christopher V. Brady]

11. Even if he was.

[David Johansen]

12 - the laminated cylindrical metal container rations aren't made of remains of our last batch of recruits.

13 - Plasma guns are not to be used to unplug the hygenic ceramic biowaste disposal systems.

14 - Individual Dark Angels marines are not all named giggles.

15 - Civilians are not to be referred to as "Tyranid Take Out".

16 - The Inquistitor does not have a "comfy chair in his tent"

17 - The Enseer's servitor's are not to be given stimulants.

18 - nor are the wires portruding from their heads "the source of their erectile disfunction".

19 - Commisar Janessa doesn't need to help the servitors with their 'problem".

20 - Nor will finding them in her tent convince her to.

21 - The Imperial Guard is trying to recruit more women but they all join the Sisters of Battle as soon as the draft notification arives for some odd reason.

[Sinclair]

22. Stop asking where the squats went.
23. No playing "what's in my pocket" with the ratlings.
24. Laundry-Private Phelps will stop putting the CO's underwear in with the red items.
25. No dressing in women's clothing.
26. Not even for Corporal Lewis's weekly "Adeptas Sororitas revue".
27. Whoever giggles at the phrase "Penal Company" during the Regimental Briefings will be harshly punished.
28. There will be no more cracks about the Stormtrooper Platoon and "operations in the rear".
29. No more cracks about the term "Hardened Veterans", either.
30. The Admiral of the accompanying Battlefleet will NOT be greeted with calls of "'Ey Sailor, Lookin' Fer A Good Time?"

[Fade]

The problem is, most 'Skippy's List' stuff would get an imperial guardsman executed on the spot by his friendly local Commissar.

[Sinclair]

31. "Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home" is not considered an inspiring battle cry.

[the_redstar_swl]

32 - Tyranids are not pets.

33 - The Basilisks are not to be used to fire bean-bags at protesters.

34 - Even if they are being rude.

35 - You are not to play "Battle Bots" with two Sentinels.

36 - Lasguns are not to be used for weeny roasts, To make S'mores, Boil water, to start camp fires ect ect.

37 - Ogryns are not Orks.

38 - It is not acceptable to program destroyed Necrons to say "Ahlll be Back." "Your clothes - give them to me, now." "Hasta la vista, baby." and "Sarah Connor?" and dress them in a leather jacket.

39A - The commisar is not a Wich and he will not be reported to the Witch Hunters as such.

39B - Do not burn the commisar as a Wich.

40 - It is not smart to dare the crew of a Land Speeder to jump over the Barracks.

41 - Even if it would look realy cool.

42 - Do not try to get the Sisters of Battle to produce a porno.

[David Johansen]

And most of Hawkeye's antics in M*A*S*H* would have gotten him a court marshal. What's your point?

[Sinclair]

43. Noone is to give plasmaguns to Ogryns. Especially not if they tell the Ogryns that they're officers now, and that's why they're being given plasma pistols.
44. The name of the current campaign is not "Operation We're All Gonna Die".
45. No more Eye Spy on long trips. Cheating has gotten out of hand.
46. Adressing Commissar Janessa as "Mistress" and requesting "summary discipline" is not funny.
47. Third Platoon, Fifth (Infantry) Company will cease retrofitting its flamers to distil spirits.