...You Might be a Rednecked Wizard

[mythusmage]

And do it now.

[Ubermonkey]

Hee Hee.

[Chris Goodwin]

You might be a redneck wizard if...

...you trim your nails with an athame.

...you have a spit cup in your pentagram.

...your yard is full of the rusting hulks of old flying carpets.

...your True Name is Bubba or Bo.

...your tower has wheels.

[Nainitsuj]

You might be a redneck illusionist if you have your own flock of sheep to get wool for your spells.

...or would that be better done as a Scottish illusionist?

[dddawson]

...if your wagon has a wand rack behind the driver.

...if you've been working for years to get the right feats to craft that Decanter of Endless Michelob.

...if you have more than four quasits sleeping on your front porch at any given time.

[Samurai]

... if your Charm spell only works on your 1st cousins.

... if your wizard's hat has a sun visor and a patch that say's "Joe's Towing and Auto Body" on it.

... if yer constantly fuedin' with that dang-blasted McCoy wizard clan over in the next holler.

... If you wear oil- and paint-stained coveralls instead of a wizard's robe.

[Sangrolu]

It lives!

to repeat:
.... your flying carpet is up on blocks. (Sorry, I know you said the phantom steed thing, but that has no mental image to go with it.)

[Coyraven]

.. your familiar runs away when you get that special look in your eye.

.. your potions come in a six pack.

CR

[Scripty]

...your wand has a backscratcher on the end of it.

...your crystal ball comes with aluminum-foil wrapped antennae

...your Mending spell uses JB Weld as a component

...your Web spell produces 900 cubic feet of duct tape

...your Tenser's Floating Disk looks like a floating TV tray

... you lightning bolt any bard who won't play country-western music.

... you won't go dungeon-crawling during NASCAR season.

... the only mystical sigil you need on the front of your robe is the face of Stone Cold Steve Austin.

cheers,

Not at the Right Computer Chris