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  1. John Sumbitch

    Trust me.

    Trust me.
  2. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    People ask me what I look like. I don't know. I know what I look like in the mirror: Scarecrow body, skinny hawk nose, straw-blond hair with some holes where the ringworm got in, crappy little blond mustache that blends in with my skin, skinny body, slouched posture. Always in camoflague...
  3. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    Sometimes people ask "Well, if you're the father of all betrayers, then how the hell do you keep getting people to trust you?" Well, that's a damn good question. See, here's the thing: I don't like to make a deal of betraying you. Used car salesman? Of course he's going to bullshit you...
  4. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    I've run bodies through woodchippers. I've seen Big Jack Bastard run woodchippers through bodies.
  5. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    One time, Big Jack Bastard took it into his head to screw with me. You know, I love to betray. You know this. I know this. It's difficult to betray somebody who doesn't trust you. It's not difficult to call the cops and let them know where the Houston Mangler is.
  6. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    "Whenever I form clouds over the earth and the bow appears in the clouds, I will remember My covenant between Me and you and all the living creatures: water will never again become a flood to destroy every creature." "What's with inflicting Big Jack Bastard on us, God?" "I never said anything...
  7. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    I notice that the little logo on the browser tab isn't there anymore, that hopefully can get fixed, like, once the rest of the forum has finished shaking and quaking and settling.
  8. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    Big Jack Bastard. Where was I with him? One time he got into a fight with Milwaukee. I should explain: He just wanted to beat up everybody in Milwaukee who would take him on. Like, not anybody who didn't want to fight him, he just wanted to walk around beating people up who were interested...
  9. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    Now, if we could report that post up above, regarding Jim Sexpossum, I'm sure that the moderation staff would be able to make use of the input.
  10. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    Anyways, where was I? Jim Sexpossum. Sexpossum would just wander around looking for companionship, up and down the streets, first up and down, then the other way - like, if he didn't find "companionship" going north-south, he'd go down every street east-west next. I think, actually, maybe they...
  11. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    Jim Sexpossum. Was a strange dude. Came out of backwoods Georgia, real seductive guy, not particular. Didn't have anything towards possums, you understand, I'm just saying that he wasn't particular. Don't get him confused with Jimmy the Drifter. Jimmy's the wannabe assassin of Winston...
  12. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    Gonna need a new avatar. I like the way this one looks, though. Kinda like those old-timey video games. Had a nightmare one time about pixel animation with a girl and a vampire. Didn't end well for the girl. Didn't like that dream.
  13. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    Okay, so there's some flood protection in place. That's good.
  14. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    He walked into the diner I was in - I mean, I knew him, we just happened to be in the same spot that time - and he, uh, had a severed human head under his arm. Didn't seem angry, didn't seem upset, just seemed like he wanted food and walked in to get it. So he orders at the counter, guy behind...
  15. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch (and kinda gruesome)

    I am John Sumbitch. Let me tell you about Big Jack Bastard. Let me rephrase: Let me tell you about what being around Big Jack Bastard is like. First off, he's not that big. It's kind of hard to describe his physique. Wiry? Emaciated? You can see his muscles, but they're wrong, like he spends...
  16. John Sumbitch

    I am John Sumbitch. Who shall take my fearsome challenge?

    I am John Sumbitch. Who shall be classed as awesome, and who shall fail the Voight-Kampff test?
  17. John Sumbitch

    [necro]Whitewolf Hires Zak Sabbath and Denies Harassment.

    Re: Whitewolf Hires Zak Sabbath and Denies Harassment. **Raises hand, makes invisible checkmark in air with invisible pen**
  18. John Sumbitch

    Congrats Arachne and Bailywolf

    I have existed from the morning of the world and I shall exist until the last star falls from the night. Although I have taken the form of John Sumbitch, I am all men as I am no man, and therefore I am a god.
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