101 D&D Monsters Most Likely To Have Been Created By Cocaine Wizards

ESkemp

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#61
Well, we can explain it being a species by saying it was made by a cocaine wizard who worshipped Buer.
Wizard: "Whaddya think, boss? Looks great, right? I got 200 of these babies already turned loose! Roving! Mauling! Yeah!"

Buer: "...At what point did you think I wanted this?"
 

Kreuzritter

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#63
the sharkjaw skeleton from Tome of Beasts certainly looks like something a cocaine Necromancer would've come up with, and brings to mind that the iconic Cocaine Wizard would probably be modelled on Andy Warhol
 

DarkStarling

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#66
It recently occurred to me that an owlbear is, basically, a nocturnal griffon. King of the Beasts, King of the (Night) Birds...

Also, anyone who thinks bears are slow and clumsy...have you seen the videos of them running down deer? It's fucking scary man.
 

s/LaSH

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#67
It recently occurred to me that an owlbear is, basically, a nocturnal griffon. King of the Beasts, King of the (Night) Birds...

Also, anyone who thinks bears are slow and clumsy...have you seen the videos of them running down deer? It's fucking scary man.
People like things to be fair, and "big OR fast" is a classical tradeoff in the name of fairness. "Big AND fast" seems like cheating.

But wizards have never been concerned with balance, have they? Somebody's out there right now, going, "This wolverine can enter a murderous rage which lasts until it loses consciousness, and this boar can keep fighting while on negative hit points... I'm gonna make a wulvabor which literally can't stop fighting until it is dead, what could go wrong?"

And if they've taken too much of the good stuff, they wind up with a borine which nests in snow but has no fur. Wizards can be dicks.
 

David Howery

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#68
People like things to be fair, and "big OR fast" is a classical tradeoff in the name of fairness. "Big AND fast" seems like cheating.
small and fast can be unfair at times.... like the DM who unleashed deadly poisonous snakes that could crawl faster than our PCs could run (all except the monk; he outran them all and kept going)…
 

Zeea

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#69
The tall mouther from the Monsters of Faerun book for 3e. It's basically a scary, foul-mouthed evil Sesame Street character that eats halflings, and it's just a furball with googly eyes and a big mouth surrounded by a bunch of long arms.
 

Khyron

Pope Orion Orangutan Omnibenevolence Kosmos, Yes
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#70
I think we can agree that Babblers (dumber, savager, Lizard Men, with a language that is incomprehensible -even to magical translation) are magical in origin.

My question is: what kind of magic can create a race whose language is incomprehensible to magic? It's almost like that stupid thing everyone who starts learning theology asks: can an omnipotent deity create a rock so big She can't lift it?

I also like to imagine the one in a million Babbler genius with the Intelligence to take the common tongue as a NWP who starts writing the Common to Babbler dictionary.

It also reminds me of the H Beam Piper short story "Naudsonce" about first contact with an alien race, who seemed to have a spoken language in the audible to humans frequency range;, but every individual was using different phonemes for the same words.
 
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