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(Buffy Actual Play) The Watch House Season Five

Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Five, Episode Two, Pre-Credits

The Watch House 5.02: Families

Milli: The prodigal daughter of a Watcher family saved the world by killing the vampire who had once been the man she loved, after her attempt to restore his soul went horribly wrong, allowing his inhuman ancestor Jacques to take over instead. Now, she wants to try and make amends.
William: The best Watcher student in the college survived Jacques's reign of terror, although he now walks with a limp and carries a cane.
Matthew: The born sorcerer continues to practice with his gift despite his guilt over the spell to restore Jake's soul going so far wrong.
Andy: The inheritor of a lycanthropic curse he can control is in mourning for his friend.

Lucian: He seems to have an interest in something the Watch are involved in...
Simon: His sister murdered by a demon, he joined the Watchers' hunt for the killer and was unable to find it.

Natalie: Gifted with visions by a descendant of the shamans who created the Slayer, she has returned to Africa to find out why...

Escher: The Watchers' Invigilator has a gruff demeanour, concealing a caring heart. He holds himself responsible for the disasters of the last year.
Charlotte: William's girlfriend wants to support him, but would rather not have to do so from the front line, or in sight of Milli.

Previously on The Watch House:

William having his pelvis broken.

Milli: Let me help -
Charlotte: I think you've done enough.

Milli, battered and bruised, sinking to her knees in tears.

Natalie boarding a plane for Namibia.

Natalie: I've been given this gift... or curse... I have to find out why.

Charlotte catching William as he stumbles in a physiotherapy room, cursing and grimacing in pain.

Escher smiling wanly and putting an arm around Milli as she arrives at the office. William doing the same as she sees his cane and grimaces. Charlotte keeping her distance.

We open in the office. It's a bright, warm autumn day outside. And judging by the noise, it's Freshers' Week.

Escher sighs and looks around. Milli, Andy, William and Charlotte look back at him, their expressions about as dejected as his.

Escher: Well. Of the three new arrivals I expected to be here, one has transferred to UCL, one has apparently decided to spend a year volunteering and the parents of the third still haven't returned my call...
Milli: So... we're not getting any new people at all?
Escher: Apparently not.
Milli: So what happened to all these prominent Watcher families?
Escher: It would seem that they do not view me as a safe prospect. Or you as suitable role models.
Charlotte: (flatly) Can't imagine why...
Milli: Well, fine, when we all die because there's nobody to back us up and the world is destroyed, then they'll be sorry...
Escher: So, just one name to watch. Simon Williams.
William: That won't get confusing at all...
Escher: Apparently he was involved in a hunt for a Griach in London over the summer...
Milli: How?
Escher: It killed his sister.
Andy: Great. That's all we need, a maverick type running into fights with no back up.
William: (archly) Because we don't do that at all.
Charlotte: Not at all, no. (glancing at Milli)

Matthew comes in from the side library.

Matthew: So we're... persona non grata?
Escher: So it would seem.
Milli: Great. No new people to help and somebody to babysit. (mutters) Bet he plays rugby, too...

She looks around.

Milli: So despite all their talk of responsibility they're too afraid to send their children to help with the first line of defence.
Escher: Well...
Milli: I think we're pretty doomed really. Yep.
Andy: Don't they have some kind of oath to send people to learn here?
Escher: Actually, students come here to learn in relative safety...
Matthew: Because of the Shield.
Escher: And they're not so ready to trust us with the educations of their children since the Shield was nearly -
Milli: Nearly. We stopped it.
Escher: And several people under my protection still died. (looks down)
Milli: ... yeah. I'd prefer not to talk about that, okay?

Escher sighs and rubs his forehead.

Escher: Look... if you want to try and talk to them...
Milli: Maybe I should.
Andy: Because if the world ends and everybody gets killed, I bet they'll feel really guilty then.
Escher: ... Quite.


Music: Ash, Evil Eye

The full moon over Cambridge, behind the tower of King's College Chapel.

The Watch House

Sophia Myles as Milli Blackhurst - fighting with her sword, firing a crossbow in each hand, looking despondent in a long black dress, smiling thinly as she raises a stake

Rupert Evans as William Grove - flicking through an ancient tome, adjusting a taser, hefting his axe, drawing his swordcane

Vampires and demons charging, a swirling black and purple tear hanging in mid-air, hands bursting out of the ground

Monica Keena as Natalie Derby-Moore - firing a crossbow, kicking a demon in the face, dancing, wearing an evening dress, smiling and waving to a crowd

Gabriel Thomson as Matthew Fairweather - looking nervous, raising a torch, holding a glowing crystal in his hand

Kelly Harrison as Charlotte Hamilton - taking a crossbow from William, putting her fists up, scowling, smiling sadly

Hans Matheson as Andy Sampson - charging with a baseball bat, howling at the moon, briefly glimpsed in werewolf form

The sky over Cambridge turning into flames, Matthew screaming with jet black eyes, a glimpse of a masked ball, Natalie looking over a desert

Sean Biggerstaff as Simon Williams - carefully aiming a crossbow, looking grim, strapping on a shield, looking serious

David Tennant as Lucian Featherstonehaugh Weeks - searching through a book, smiling casually, striding through a dark wood, narrowing his eyes suspiciously

Alfred Molina as Michael Escher - loading a crossbow, reading from a leather-bound book, glaring

Vampires, demons, gravestones, skulls, sinister rituals, strange flashes of intense light, bodies being flung through the air, the full moon again, and the show logo and the 'call to arms' shot of the Watch loading up and striding purposely in slow-motion towards the camera...

Created by Oxbrow, Tobin, Windmill, Robertson, Prentice, Neil, Dizzy, McCraw, McIntyre, Craig, Whiteley, Whedon and Darlington

Logo thanks to EvilBrennan

Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Five, Episode Two, Act One

Milli paces irritably.

Milli: So, we get no reinforcements because we've proved they'd be useful. Brilliant.
Matthew: There's still the Freshers' Fair.

He looks hopeful. She glares at him. He looks at his hands.

Charlotte: Er... what do we do at the Fair anyway?
Matthew: We have a stall. And possibly flyers.
Andy: We try to recruit people for the taking risks to save the world... History Society.
William: Actually, we try not to recruit people. That's why you just joined this year...
Charlotte: Hmph.
William: Don't worry, we get Matthew to talk to them, they'll all leave.
Milli: That'd work.
Matthew: (quietly) Hey...
Charlotte: Between you and Matthew I'm sure you could scare anyone off.

Matthew smiles.

Milli: I don't think she meant it as a compliment. Or maybe she did...
Matthew: Because I'm so enthusiastic it's scary?
Charlotte: (dryly) Yeah, that's it.

Matthew frowns again.

Milli: Well, as long as there's a blanket ban on jocks...
William: Who'd have thought it, a history society with no jocks.
Milli: We do attract too many.
Escher: Hrm. On which note... are you planning on avoiding Mister Williams, or going out and meeting the challenge?
Milli: Avoiding.
William: I don't know, Milli, maybe we should head this one off.
Matthew: Um?
William: Deal with it now rather than let it get out of hand like normal.
Matthew: A pre-emptive strike?
William: More of a pre-emptive talking to.

Milli shakes her head.

William: We could always get Andy to scare him off. (off Charlotte's look) He suggested trying it on you once, I told him no...
Charlotte: Right... What's he studying?
Escher: Biology. In on a gratuity thanks to his father, apparently, not on his qualifications...
William: Well, we don't take many lectures anyway.
Milli: We do too.
William: I meant we including Andy.
Milli: Well yeah, he does bring the average right down...

She looks at Simon's file.

Milli: I'd prefer it if he didn't think he was important enough to merit a special visit.
Charlotte: But he is.
Milli: I still don't want him to know that...

And cut to the Freshers' Fair. William and Matthew sit shuffling a pile of flyers and Charlotte watches the floor as Milli sits with her chin resting on both hands. Andy has bought a bag of lollipops to hand out.

Milli: Now remember not to talk to people.
Andy: I can if I want to!

Matthew looks out at the hall nervously.

Matthew: So what do I say? "Hi, I'm a member of the History Society..."
William: You might try smiling.

Matthew manages a terrified cringe.

Charlotte: Maybe not.
Matthew: Pity we can't get some free samples from the beer society.
Andy: I can't go there. The new president won't let me near the stall. Something about peeing on his shoes.

Milli glances at the file in her lap as a fresher approaches, and shakes her head.

Fresher 1: This is the History Society?
Milli: Er... yes...
Fresher 1: Right, well, I'm particularly interested in medieval history and -
Milli: You want to talk to the Classics Society then.
Fresher 1: I do?
Milli: Oh, yes.
Fresher 1: They're rather stretching the definition of "Classics", aren't they...
William: So we keep saying!
Fresher 1: By about a thousand years...
Charlotte: Longer.
Milli: They're over there.
Fresher 1: ...

As he turns and goes, William glances at the others.

William: Do you think the college should have a real history society?

He looks up as someone else approaches, looking around suspiciously.

Simon: Uh... hi.
William: Hello...
Simon: I was told that the History Society was... worth joining...?
Milli: ...yes?
Simon: I think I might be interested.
William: You think?
Andy: Show some enthusiasm!

Matthew takes this as a prompt for his grin.

William: Are you studying history?
Simon: No, actually. Biology.
Milli: Oh?

She looks more attentive, glances at the file and nods.

Matthew: And you are -?
Simon: Simon.
Milli: Simon?
Simon: Williams. Si.
Milli: Ah! Yes! Well... er... good...
William: In that case, how about you come to our meeting, at seven...

He quickly scribbles the room number on the back of a flyer. Simon looks at it.

Simon: Escher? He's the head of the society?
Milli: More our... tutor. He, uh, watches over us. He's a... Watcher. If that means anything to you.
Simon: Ah. Right. I'll be there.
Matthew: Good.

He smiles genuinely now.

Matthew: Come along, and we can talk in more depth than we can here. About... history.
Simon: Okay...
Milli: (warily) You're not the 'charging in and being stupid' kind are you?
Simon: I don't think so.
Milli: (brightly) Good! Glad to hear it! See you tonight then!
Simon: Uh...
Matthew: Best not to ask till later.
Simon: ... Got it.

He nods and withdraws.

Matthew: Well, he seems very nice.
Milli: Plus, I could take him.
William: Er...
Milli: In a fight. In case I had to. (nods)
Andy: Should the opportunity... situation arise.
William: Right. So... to revise, we protect people...
Milli: I know, it's just I don't trust people on a vengeance trip. They do stupid stuff.

Charlotte says nothing and just looks at her.

Milli: ... We can go home now, right?
Matthew: We've only been here twenty minutes.
William: And there are all these students.
Milli: So? We don't need...
William: I spent all morning copying the flyers...

Another fresher, who was nearby, raises an eyebrow and approaches.

Fresher 2: Hello -
Milli: Yes?
Fresher 2: Ah, I'm interested in the Society. What do you do?
Milli: ...nothing?
Fresher 2: Come on now. I'm studying the Enlightenment -
Milli: Then you want Cla-
William: History of Science.
Milli: - or them too.
Fresher 2: Well, this is... most irregular.
Milli: Classics gets way more funding. And we're more medieval history anyway.
Fresher 2: But you said -
Milli: I should hand out some flyers. Excuse me!

She runs off. Matthew smiles uncomfortably at the Fresher until she goes away.

Milli: (flatly) Join the history society... join the history society... not you... join the - never mind...

Matthew: So enthusiastic.
William: You never know with her.
Matthew: Andy, you go cover the other side of the hall.
William: Yes, we can do more damage that way.

Milli doesn't notice Lucian at the Cartography stand, watching her go by...

Another fresher follows Milli back to the stall, despite her attempts to hide behind the archery club.

Fresher 3: So, are there meetings?
Milli: Er. Every... month or so. At... uh...
Matthew: Er...
William: Six!
Fresher 3: Right. I'm looking into postwar reconstruction and the Weimar Republic -
Milli: Classics!
Fresher 3: But, but -
William: We're more medieval.
Fresher 3: But you said earlier -
Charlotte: We need a new sign.
Matthew: It's a scandal.
William: Yes. Terrible claim-jumping on their part.
Matthew: And besides, we're selective -
Milli: No we're not! We're just... not what you're after.
Fresher 3: So you're...
Milli: No -
Charlotte: We're mostly an excuse to go to the pub -
Milli: No we aren't.
Charlotte: Well, we don't get subsidised or anything.
Fresher 3: But the sheet says -
Milli: Sorry, that's my piece of paper.

She grabs it. The fresher blinks at her. She smiles weakly.

Matthew: She has issues.
William: We have issues.
Milli: Group therapy.
Charlotte: With history.
Matthew: We're the antisocial history society.
Milli: Thank you. We hate you. Goodbye.
Fresher 3: I...

He storms off.

Milli: So, back to the office?
William: Definitely. Oh hey, we should have cards. In case...
Charlotte: Someone accuses us of not being a real society?
William: That too.

Milli pulls down the sign.

Milli: I think that went well.

Charlotte stares at her as if she'd just burst into flames.

Matthew: Maybe in future we shouldn't do the fair.
Andy: Hey, the Classics Society are having their best year ever!
Milli: Natalie would be proud.

Matthew looks away.

Charlotte: No word?
Matthew: Not for a month now...

And cut to Natalie standing in a cave, hands on hips, yelling at an old man in shabby desert camouflage holding a staff. This is Azubuike, the African Watcher who lead her to the cave where she gained visions of the future on her last visit.

Natalie: Why did you give me this power? I couldn't even save him...
Azubuike: Perhaps it was not him that you were to save...
Natalie: ... Stop being so mysterious!
Azubuike: Your journey is not yet over. That is all I can tell you.
Natalie: So you keep saying.


Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Five, Episode Two, Act Two

The group return to the office to find Escher on the phone.

Escher: Yes. Thank you...

He looks around at the group as he sets the receiver down.

Milli: A new prentice?
Escher: A new book.
Milli: (disappointed) Oh.
Matthew: (interested) Oh?
Escher: Well, not a new book. But a new arrival, mis-ordered by one of the shops in town. Winthrop's Second Hand and Antiquarian.
William: ... Never heard of it.
Escher: No. It's out of the usual circuit we use.
William: Is this... suspicious?
Escher: No, no, simply unusual. Someone in the shop may have taken an interest.
Milli: Hmm...

She frowns thoughtfully.

Escher: Anyway, how was the stall? I note that you're already back and it isn't even lunchtime.
Milli: We had a thoroughly fab fair.
Matthew: Almost no-one joined. Very well done.
Milli: Yes, it's true, we have a knack.
Escher: No interest?
Milli: Sent most of it to Classics. I mean, we had this one lovely young boy, wouldn't say boo to a -
Matthew: Vampire?
William: You noticed him?
Milli: Erm -
Charlotte: You gave the impression of not seeing him at all. Anyway...
William: No jocks.
Matthew: The sign worked. So... Books?
William: (wearily) Yes, Matthew, books...
Escher: Picking it up would be helpful.
William: I'll go.
Milli: Right. I'll... stay here. Don't want to crowd our resident book genius.
Charlotte: I'll -
Matthew: I'm going.

Charlotte glances at Milli.

Matthew: Don't worry, Charlotte, we'll be fine.
Charlotte: Right.

She grabs her coat.

And cut to William leaning on his cane and looking into Winthrop Second Hand, a small shopfront on a side street which is narrow and dark.

Matthew: Are you sure this is the place?
William: I must have been past this place a dozen times and never come in. I always thought it was closed...
Matthew: It looks closed now.
Charlotte: And... grotty.
William: Well, the door's open... and there's someone inside.

Inside, a man a few years older than William looks up as from a book on "Folklorique & Unusual Ways Of Certain Pacific Islanders" as the bell over the door rings flatly.

Lucian: Closed!
Matthew: I don't see a sign.
Lucian: ... Bollocks.

He finds the CLOSED sign on the desk in front of him, under yesterday's paper. He sighs and sets the book down.

Lucian: Have you read this?
William: Folklorique And Unusual Ways of - No...
Lucian: Rubbish! Utter rubbish! Look! Have you ever seen such claptrap?
Matthew: ... Maybe?
William: We're here about a special order.
Lucian: Borders? Down the high street...
William: No, order. For a Mister Escher. The history of weapons in myth and story?
Lucian: Oh. Ah... right. Just one moment.

He leaps to his feet and hurries into the back room. He quickly finds the book, looks back slightly warily, and takes out the bookmark he had placed in it.

Lucian: Damn it... (calls back) Feel free to browse!

He returns, smiling confidently.

Lucian: Right. Here we are. (proffers a hand) Weeks. Lucian Weeks. So, which of you is Mister Escher?
William: Ah, well, we're students of his.
Lucian: Ohhhh... well, he placed the order himself, he'd have to... get it.
Matthew: Is that really necessary?
Lucian: I'm afraid old Winthrop would be insistent. You know these rare volumes -
Matthew: Yes, I do...
Lucian: Right. Now, you History chappies... the Dark Ages and all that?
William: The medieval period, mostly...
Lucian: But you're both studying it?
Matthew: I'm not.
Lucian: So why the interest?
Matthew: Er... that is...
William: He sent us on behalf of the History Society.
Lucian: Oh. Well. Then.
William: We're a small society.
Lucian: Yes. So I hear. Some disgruntlement at the freshers' fair, I heard.
William: We have...
Matthew: Prerequisites...
Lucian: Er. Right then. I could... come with you and get him to sign for it.
Matthew: What?
Lucian: Well, Mister Winthrop's a very, very careful man. And this is quite a valuable volume.
William: It's twenty-five quid...
Lucian: Then obviously you should know...
Matthew: Know what?
Lucian: I'll just get my coat!

He speeds over to the coat hook and retrieves a slightly tatty wool overcoat, and a pristine sky blue scarf.

William and Matthew share a look.

Lucian: Always best to look after our valued customers!
Matthew: Won't you have to close the shop?
Lucian: Yes, yes, not to worry, I'll lock up... Shall we? Splendid!
William: ... Splendid...
Matthew: Aren't you worried about people coming into the shop?
Lucian: (disbelieving) This shop? No...
Matthew: Then are you going to lock the door?

Back at the office, Milli fiddles with an old padlock, working her way through an assortment of small picks with rings attached.

Escher: Lockpick jewellery?
Milli: Apparently these are the best kind if you've got earrings. They were in a film or something. Jake used to... (quietly) never mind.

Charlotte glances at her, smirks, and goes back to watching the clock and pretending to read.

Just then, Lucian bursts in through the door, ahead of William and Matthew.

Everyone looks up. He gives them his best "I've just interrupted a family argument, haven't I?" smile.

Milli quickly uses her arm to sweep all the bits of lock and lockpick off the desk.

Escher: William? Matthew?
Lucian: Lucian Weeks.
Escher: Weeks?
Lucian: That's it. Professor Escher?

He hurries over, holding out a hand, shaking Escher's vigorously as he takes it.

Escher: Mister Escher. Supervisor, not a professor -
Lucian: Only a matter of time, I'm sure!
Escher: Er, quite.

He looks past him at William, questioningly, as he retrieves the book.

Lucian: I believe you ordered this book.
Escher: Ah... yes...?
Lucian: Can't be too careful, old Mister Winthrop tells me. Freshers' Week pranks and all.
Escher: Of... course...
Lucian: And who would this be?
William: Some more of our members.
Charlotte: Charlotte Hamilton. Er, hi...
Lucian: Charmed!

He glances at Milli, arches an eyebrow and quickly covers it with an ingratiating smile.

Milli: (flatly) So, did you get your money then?
Lucian: Yes, yes!

She gets to her feet.

Milli: (quickly) Right then! Thanks for coming.
Lucian: Oh, it was no bother at all.
William: He closed up the shop.
Lucian: Anything for a fine society like this one.
Milli: (dismissively) Thanks. Well goodbye then.

She opens the door for him, nodding to it.

Lucian: ... right. well, be sure to call in again if you ever need a special order. Any time!

Andy looks in from the kitchen.

Andy: You brought another bookworm along? Smells of old pages.
Lucian: Lucian Weeks! A pleasure.

Escher narrows his eyes thoughtfully at the name.

Escher: You're doing some postgraduate work?

Lucian stops leaving and nods.

Lucian: Yes, yes, the influence of foreign trade on the culture and society of South Pacific islands.

Milli holds the door a little wider.

Lucian: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name, Miss...?
Milli: Milli.
Lucian: Milli. Delighted.

He proffers a hand. She looks at it, and keeps holding the door.

Milli: We're very busy. Society stuff.
Lucian: Ah, I believe you're hinting -
Milli: Yeah.

She moves forward so that he steps back through the doorway.

Lucian: Well, I won't detain you any further -
Milli: See ya now.
Lucian: Yes. Good luck with your... hairdressing course...

She shuts the door on him.

Lucian: Ow...

Matthew examines the book.

Matthew: It was a very nice book shop. Hmm. Some slight foxing, as he said... Should I file it away?
Escher: Yes -
Milli: And do we have any background on that guy?
Escher: No...

They look at William.

William: You want me to run a background check on the guy from the bookshop?
Milli: The weird guy from the bookshop who insisted on coming with you and asking questions. Maybe I am being slightly paranoid, but that makes me suspicious...
William: ... Good point.

He opens his laptop and taps away briefly.

William: The Right Honourable Lucian Featherstonehaugh Weeks... pronounced Fanshore... First in Geography, spent a year in the Pacific islands... apparently a lazy student but good at absorbing facts...
Matthew: Doesn't seem sinister so far.
Milli: He's still a weirdo.
William: This is less colourful than the usual run of sorcerers.
Matthew: Well, not everyone can be as normal as us.
Milli: Right. I'm going back to practising picking locks, you keep searching to see if he's some kind of monster.

And cut to Lucian leaving, glancing back at the School of History, eyes narrowed...


Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Five, Episode Two, Act Three

At a few minutes before seven, there's a knock at the door. Escher opens it, and greets Simon.

Simon: Hi. This is the place then?
Milli: Right. Hi.
Simon: So...
Milli: What do you know?
Simon: I know this is part of a... network that... I know this bastard killed my sister.
Milli: Right.
Simon: It was wearing a suit... but it wasn't human.
Escher: Please, sit down. Now, could you describe what you saw...

Simon sits with a nod.

Simon: I heard Mel screaming. Uh, my sister, Melanie. She'd gone to bed. It was about eleven... Dad was out late. So I ran up and I saw this... thing. Standing over Mel. It had blood right down its front... her blood...
Escher: Did it, ah, look like this...?

Simon grimaces as Escher shows him an illustration.

Simon: ... Yeah. So... I want to know more about them.
Matthew: Well, they're very uncommon outside northern Germany.
Simon: What?
Milli: Never mind. So did you try and fight it?
Simon: No. It scared me too much...
Escher: (gently) It would.
Simon: But I took a step... Then it just dived out of the window. Back out of the window.
Milli: Right.
Simon: But... I was already running.
Milli: Good idea. That probably saved your life.
Simon: But if I see one again... I'm not gonna run.

Milli meets his gaze and nods.

Simon: Like I told the guys who told me about you, when they arrived after the police...
Matthew: So what would you do?
Simon: I'd hit it. A lot.
William: They're quite a lot stronger than humans of their size. And they can recover more quickly too.
Simon: I don't know. But I want to stop them.
Milli: Of course. Getting over your fear is the first step. You know that there are monsters out there. But there are people like us that fight them. That try to stop things like this from happening.

She glances at Charlotte, who nods slightly.

Milli: If you think that's something you can do...
Simon: Maybe.
Milli: Then we can help you.

He nods, looking down at his hands clasped in front of him as he leans forward, visibly tense.

Milli: We'll find out what they do, how to fight them, where to hit them, how to hurt them. We fight the demons that come here. And the vampires, and more.
Simon: I want to help.
Milli: Good. Charlotte, have you still got that introductory guide?
Charlotte: I finished that in two days. (looks embarrassed)

Milli: Now, first of all, there's a protective shield around the old city. So we can get on with teaching people like us in safety. (quietly) Well, relative safety...
Simon: So this... protective thing... why isn't there one everywhere? Why aren't you concentrating on putting those up?
Matthew: They take a lot of power. Mystically. This one's tied to a stone circle - we can't even expand it to the city limits.
Milli: (quietly) And it doesn't work for everything anyway.

Simon looks up.

Simon: There's just one more thing I have to know. Why. Why my sister? She was sixteen...
William: Well, they... usually choose targets at random -

Simon grimaces.

William: But they can be directed.
Simon: By who?
Milli: That's the question.
Escher: Would your sister have been a target? Did she have any involvement with the mystical?
Simon: No. Our dad's... a biologist.
Escher: Books on witchcraft? The occult?
Simon: Nothing like that.
Milli: Did she wear those long hippy skirts? (off everyone's look) I've seen Luna wearing them too...

He frowns. Everyone in the room does the same.

William: We'll see if there's anything in your family history. Like in Andy -

Milli nudges him under the table.

Milli: This'll take a while. How about, um... I show you around. Show you the practice room. Let you try a crossbow...
Simon: Okay.

He gets up and follows her. The others share a look.

He looks around the practice room as Milli unlocks the weapons cabinet.

Simon: This is just next to his office? And nobody says anything?
Milli: We keep desks in here sometimes. Looks like a study hall.

Milli: This is a crossbow. Yes, we still use them. Um, pretty basic example. Load it here, crank it here. Try it.

He takes it from her, squints down the barrel and fires, hitting the bullseye on a target. She blinks, impressed.

Milli: Hey, that's - nice shot! Have you done this before?
Simon: Just playing Doom. How do I reload?
Milli: Huh? Uh, never mind. Here...

William sighs.

William: The only connection we've been able to find is a report of a minor healer's assistant fighting off a similar-sounding creature two streets away, earlier that night. That was what brought the Watchers out in the first place.
Escher: (grimly) So then it... found an easier target.
Charlotte: (horrified) We can't tell him that!
William: Well... what should we tell him?

Charlotte doesn't have an answer.

William: Lying wouldn't make it any better.
Charlotte: I know. I just... wouldn't want to hear that...

As the sun sets, Milli shows Simon the range of weapons the Watch use.

Simon: Lot of crossbows.
Milli: These are best on ranges. William's built a stake gun, but it's kinda bulky.
Simon: Lotta swords too.
Milli: Stick to the crossbow for now. Range is your friend... Try again, a bit further back.

The bolt strikes near the centre.

Milli: Oh yeah, you have potential, we can do stuff with you. (off his look) With fighting.

Escher taps on the door.

Escher: Milli, a moment?
Milli: Sure. (to Simon) You keep practising.

She follows the Invigilator outside. William waits there, leaning against the wall, seeming exhausted.

Milli: He's really pretty good.
Escher: And I wish I had something to tell him. But it seems that his sister was... just a meal...
Milli: Oh. Uh... Can't find anything?
William: She was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Milli: She was in her room...

She frowns.

Milli: So, no reason. This is what I hate about this life. I mean... Emma's parents had no idea how she died at all when I told them... (sighs) I guess we have to tell him how his sister died. How... bad things happen to good people. How the world's not like it is in films, and there usually isn't a happy ending...

Charlotte looks up and then away.

Milli steps back into the practice room, holding the door for Escher. William and Charlotte stand in the doorway.

Milli: How... how are you getting on?
Simon: Pretty well, I think.

She looks at the target, and the bolts sticking out of it.

Milli: Yeah. Good. I mean, it takes practice... years of practice, but this is very good for a beginner.
Simon: Long as I can do something about all this...
Escher: About that. Simon. We've searched, I consulted with the Watchers in London who spoke with you...
Simon: Nothing?
Escher: I'm sorry.

Simon sits down on the bench, like he's taken a punch to the gut.

Milli: There is... at least your parents aren't in any danger. Well, uh, no more than anyone...
Simon: Yeah...
Escher: Sorry.
Simon: Thanks for looking.

His head droops, and Milli leans down to try and catch his eye.

Milli: Look... I know this isn't what you wanted to hear...
Charlotte: (quietly) no, it isn't.
Milli: This is the way it is for us. This is why we do what we do. Why we fight. So we don't have to tell people that the people they love were taken away from them for no reason. It's part of this tradition, to hold the demons back. You're... more than welcome to join us. If you want.
Simon: I need to think.
Milli: Do you want us to leave you alone? We'll... be in the office.

She looks back as she and Escher steps away.

Milli: Y'know, it never gets any easier, does it? People dying.

Escher turns and gazes at her for a long moment. Finally he nods sadly.

Escher: No. It never does. I wish I could tell you it did.

She notes his glance and nods slightly, her brow furrowing further.

Escher: Perhaps... do you feel up to organising a patrol?
Milli: Good idea. I really want to do something to make the world better. And I also want to hit something.
Escher: Right then.
Milli: Can Simon come?
Escher: I feel bad enough as it is without putting him in danger.
Milli: He'll be fine. Trust me.

He meets her gaze and then nods, convinced, as he opens the office door and lets her back in.

Milli: I think he'll be okay. I think he's tough.
Escher: I hope so.
William: So, should I give him his society card?
Andy: You're making cards now?
William: (brightly) With tracer pins in them.
Charlotte: (equally brightly) For when we get kidnapped!

They head next door to find Simon still practising.

William: I suppose I can't really take my axe.
Charlotte: Well, you've got your cane.
Andy: Er... your cane?

William twists the handle of his cane and unsheathes a thin epee-like blade.

William: It's like a cane but...
Milli: Cool.
William: And it even has "W. Grove" etched on the side.
Escher: Great-uncle Walter?
William: Great-grandfather Watson.
Milli: Was he the one that was always really grumpy at Christmas?
William: Yes. He lost a chunk of his leg to a Nargahuu demon's claw in Argentina during the war. He didn't even want to go to Argentina, he wanted to fight the Germans...

Simon looks baffled.

Charlotte steps into the kitchen.

Charlotte: Spot of tea before we go?
William: Good idea.

She looks askance at the inner office, pauses, and turns to head in there. She bends down and picks up a scrap of paper lying on the floor, a page torn from a notepad.

Charlotte picks a piece of paper up from the floor.

Charlotte: You dropped this.
Matthew: No, it must have fallen out of... the new book. Hmm. It's a list of ISBN numbers and titles...
Charlotte: "Alchemy And Metallurgy: the forging of a blessed blade"?

Escher looks up sharply, frowning and takes the list from Matthew.

Escher: Some of the books on here are general histories, but this one was from one of our small presses.

He looks over at the bookshelf.

Escher: It was one of the ones Emma worked with.

Milli grimaces.

Charlotte: You mean -
Milli: That creepy guy from the bookshop...
William: The weird enthusiastic guy?
Milli: He's up to something, isn't he?
Escher: Possibly.
Milli: Him, or someone at that shop, is trying to enchant a weapon.

That said, she picks up her own enchanted sword and goes to get her jacket.

Milli: And that makes me a bit suspicious. I think we should go round and kill him.
Matthew: How? What? I - what?
Milli: He's obviously evil.
Charlotte: (suspiciously) Is this because he was trying to chat you up?
Milli: No! (off her look) Well, not entirely... Look, he's trying to enchant a weapon, and that could be dangerous, right?
Escher: It could.
Milli: So let's go sort him out then.
Matthew: Kill him? For reading books?
Milli: Okay, not kill him. I meant research him. It... came out wrong.

She looks at the ceiling innocently.

Milli: And you said I was being paranoid!
William: You were.
Matthew: It might not be him, you know.
Milli: Then we need a sample of his handwriting.
Matthew: The receipt?
Escher: We didn't get one.
Milli: Then let's go and get it.
Matthew: The shop won't be open now.
Milli: But we got his address.
William: Sort of illegally. He might wonder how.
Matthew: We can ask him tomorrow. Without killing him.
Milli: Can we bring weapons?
Matthew: No.
Milli: In case we get in trouble...
Simon: I just learned to use a crossbow, I don't want to waste that.
Matthew: I don't think he'll give us any trouble.
Milli: You never know. Anyway, how about we patrol a route that takes us past the shop, see if he's there. Then we'd... have probable cause.
Matthew: ... fine.

William loads and checks a crossbow, and hands it to Charlotte. Milli looks surprised. Charlotte gives her a look of "I'm not going to argue with you over this". Milli shakes her head and leads the group out.

She murmurs to William as they get ready to go.

Milli: So, if he isn't there... I've been working on my lockpicking.
Charlotte: Really. I never would have guessed from the great big dangly earrings with picks on them.
Milli: What?
Charlotte: They look like you borrowed them from Natalie. For a Christmas party at the Fishing Society.

Milli frowns and swipes her hair forward to cover the earrings better.

Milli: Anyway. If we sneak in, we wouldn't have to take him on. Or, y'know, see him.
William: Should we really take Simon along on the breaking in?
Escher: (deadpan) I'm tempted to say no for some reason.
Milli: Well, we can't leave him here. I said we'd take him on patrol.
Escher: And I agreed to your taking him on patrol. Not leading him into a life of crime.
Milli: But we're breaking in to prevent crime...

Escher gives her a stern look. Her shoulders slump.

Milli: Okay, if I break in you guys take him to the pub...

Simon looks sidelong at them as he sips his tea. Milli notices, and comes over with an encouraging smile.

Milli: So, I guess you're one of us now, if you want to be. Safety in numbers and all. And now we gotta do... some stuff.
Simon: I helped search for the... demon before.
Milli: Right. Well... we have to go on... what we refer to as patrols. Make sure nothing nasty's about. So we're gonna do that. And stop off at a bookshop for... stuff. So we're gonna do that. You want to come and observe, see what we do?
Simon: Okay. I'd rather help...
Milli: Don't worry. It'll be fun. And there won't be any trouble.

She signals to Matthew, points at Simon and quickly mouths 'barrier'. Matthew nods. Then she turns to Andy.

Milli: Andy. You're bringing your crossbow.
Andy: I was gonna -
Milli: (slowly) If you see anything, cover it with your crossbow and don't... let the situation... change. (nods)
Andy: Huh?
Milli: Make sure it all stays the same. I don't want you to... change anything. (nods)
Andy: Sorry?
Matthew: She means, things could get... hairy. And you shouldn't allow that.
Andy: Not following you.
Milli: Don't let things get... changeable around Simon.
Andy: Sorry, lost me completely.
Milli: Like with your grandfather and your uncle? How that kind of change would cause trouble?
Andy: ... Oooooh. Right.

Simon goes to get his coat.

Andy: (quietly) You mean I shouldn't turn into a werewolf, right?
Milli: ... Yes.
Andy: Gotcha.

He winks conspiratorially and gives her the thumb's-up. She rolls her eyes as he wanders over to shake Simon's hand.

Andy: Oh, hi. I'm Andy. Hi. Er... (winces) nice ring. Silver?
Simon: I think in the compound, yeah.
Andy: Cool.

He turns around and winces in pain, rubbing his hand.

Matthew: Andy, how about you wash your hands before we go?
Andy: G-good idea...

Milli: Okay then. Everybody ready to go? Simon, you can bring your new crossbow. And not use it.
Simon: Er -?
Milli: In the streets.

She indicates William putting the Stakemaster in a sports bag and Charlotte hiding a bottle of holy water in an inside jacket pocket, and then slides a stake into a side pocket on her combats.

Simon nods and looks for something to put his crossbow in.

Cut to the crossbow poking out of the grocery bag Simon is carrying as the group heads through streets thronged with freshers experiencing the joys of legally buying alcohol.

Andy sniffs the air, then tries to hide it as Simon looks at him funny while he points, and the group advance on a dark cobbled alley. They hurry a bit more when three freshers come fleeing out of it, and find something with pearlescent purple chitinous plates covering its body chasing after them.

Simon: What... what... do we do?
Milli: Stay behind us.

She nods to Matthew. He discreetly raises his hand to call up a barrier and the thing slows its advance.

Milli: Okay, what is it, how do we kill it?
Matthew: It's a Korvich and...
Milli: I'm drawing a blank on what to do.
Matthew: Eyes?
Milli: Ewww, I hate having to hit them in the eyes, you know that...
William: You're drawing a blank because they're highly resistant to physical attacks.
Milli: Are they resistant to getting their heads cut off?
William: In the way that their necks are like tree trunks... We need saltpetre and aconite. I'll go... (looks down, grimaces) Charlotte, can you go?
Charlotte: Right.
Milli: Everybody fall back...

William feints to the side. The Korvich carries on past him.

Matthew: No, Andy, you go!
Milli: He won't remember where everything is -
Matthew: She can't go alone -
Milli: Go with her!

Andy and Charlotte nod and run off.

Charlotte: Always giving the bloody orders...

The demon's granite-like fists pound against the air, shimmering. Matthew grimaces.

Matthew: They're normally found further south than here, but they can be lead to populated areas if they're hungry...
Simon: Why isn't it attacking?
Milli: Well, you know we mentioned the Shield earlier...
Matthew: Keep falling back, meet them halfway...

Milli ducks down, fires, and hits the demon between two of its plates. It growls irritably, stops pounding on the barrier, and turns to go.

Milli: Hey! Come back here! ... Bugger.
Matthew: Don't go!

William steps up in front of the retreating demon, carefully inserts the end of his sword up between two of the armour segments on its thigh, and shoves, hard. It lurches over sideways. He limps around to its side, trying to pin it down.

William: Milli? Little help?


Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Five, Episode Two, Act Four

Matthew lowers the barrier and Milli pushes forwards, pinning the demon's arm with her sword.

Simon shudders and covers them with his crossbow.

Matthew: Don't fire now, two of the three things you might hit are friendly, and they get annoyed when that happens...
Milli: Yeah, we do.

Andy charges up. Charlotte follows, trying to catch her breath.

Charlotte: Less - puff - outrunning from the bodyguard next - puff - time... okay?
Andy: Er...
William: Right, pour them both on. In between the scales...

The demon's body swells up with an angry hiss of escaping air.

William: Well, that appeared to work. (noticing it expand) Ah, we might want -

Milli pulls him to the ground as the demon bursts, raining ashes and chunks of bone all around.

The armoured plates collapse in on themselves, smoking and hissing as they are eaten away by the compound.

Milli and Charlotte help William up.

William: Should be gone completely in about an hour.
Milli: Well remembered.

He shrugs casually, sheathes his sword and then leans heavily on his cane.

Simon watches the body evaporate, fascinated and disgusted.

Milli: This is what we do. We research how to stop them, and then we stop them... Are you okay?
Simon: ... I guess... It's disgusting.
Milli: Yes, yes it is. And at least this time there wasn't goo. So, you know, never wear anything nice when you're patrolling.
Charlotte: I never wear anything nice at all usually. (glances at Milli) Just in case.
Milli: How about we carry on our route? And pop into that bookshop...

Charlotte looks at the store and wrinkles her nose.

Charlotte: I think it's shut. Of course, if I didn't know better I'd say it had been shut for months. Possibly years.

Milli does her best to subtly take off her earrings.

William: Well, this is the moment you've been preparing... all afternoon for.
Milli: Yes!
Simon: Why, what is it?
Milli: Uh...
William: Oh, she just loves bookshops.

Milli gestures vaguely to indicate "distraction!" and points at Simon. Charlotte and William share a look.

William: So, the Korvich comes from further south, then?
Matthew: Hm? Oh, yes.
Charlotte: So it's out of its usual habitat here. So we won't be seeing more?
Matthew: I doubt it, unless there's a purpose behind it...

Milli picks the lock.

William: Do you think there might be?
Matthew: Umm, well...
Milli: Cool, I did it... (quietly) er, I mean... (announcing) Look! It's open!
Simon: It was open?
Milli: Of course! We are expected...

As she opens the door slowly, she hears muttering from inside, and sees a candle glow somewhere up ahead. Her eyes narrow and she advances purposefully.

Milli: A purpose behind it... like someone -
Matthew: The -

The bell rings. Everybody freezes. Matthew cringes.

Matthew: - bell...

The mumbling stops and the candle goes out. Milli grips the handle of her sword.

Milli: They're expecting us but not... now. We must be early -
Matthew: Late.
Milli: Yes, late.

William looks for his torch. Matthew doesn't bother. They advance in the dim light.

Simon: I get the impression we're not meant to be here.
Charlotte: You get that too, huh?
Milli: Look for examples of his handwriting.
Matthew: Try the desk?
Milli: Oh. That's where I was heading. Just this bookshelf was in the way...

William reaches the desk - and then Lucian leans out and throws a book at him.

He parries the hardback with his cane and it lands on the desk with a thud.

"Swordsmiths and metallurgists of the late medieval period."

Milli runs past the desk and draws her sword as Lucian flees for the back door, rummaging around in his pocket.

Lucian: Keys! Bloody keys!

William raises a hand to slow Milli down.

William: (whispering) Careful.
Milli: (whispering) He's getting away!
Simon: (whispering) Why are you whispering? He knows you're here...

The group advance as Lucian keeps fumbling with the back door keys. Matthew keeps his hands at his side. Charlotte cranks her crossbow. William twists the handle of his swordcane.

Milli draws her sword and points it at Lucian's neck.

Lucian: You?!
Milli: You.
Lucian: Er... yes?

She leans closer.

Lucian: Honestly! I have met women in my time who take a dislike to me but, really, this is a whole new level!
Milli: Well -
Lucian: What the hell are you doing here?
Milli: Eeuurrrr...

Milli looks a tad disgruntled at Lucian's failure to explain any villainous plans when cornered. She lowers her sword.

Lucian: Well?
Milli: We were... passing. And we saw the light was on. And since you're a... friend -
Lucian: (staggered) I am?
Milli: Matthew likes books. (points)
Matthew: Hey, don't put this on me!
Charlotte: (quietly) In future, can you stop her talking to people? Like, ever?
William: ...

Lucian: So. Let me see if I understand this. You met me for five minutes and clearly didn't like me, and now you're filled with concern for my safety? So, you break in here and point a sword at me!
Milli: (mumbling) ... I wouldn't say filled, exactly...
Lucian: Are you some kind of... secret society of vigilante bookshop protectors?

Milli tries not to nod.

Charlotte: Not exclusively.
Milli: We... ah... we want a receipt!
Lucian: ... OUT!

Everyone looks uncomfortable, except Milli, who looks annoyed.

Lucian: I'm sure the police would like to know why the entire History Society -
Charlotte: We're thinking of renaming it -
Lucian: To what? The Burglary Society?
William: Hey! Why are you looking for books on how to enchant weapons?
Milli: Yeah! That's a much better question!
Lucian: I - er... what?

He looks genuinely baffled now, as well as nervous.

Lucian: Is that why you're threatening me with a sword?
Milli: He asked first!
Simon: (quickly) Re-enacting.
Lucian: Do you think I just fell out of the sky yesterday?
Milli: Well -
Lucian: Re-enacting what?
Milli: Medieval history?
Lucian: Then what's with the sword cane?
Milli: ... See, we didn't know, we're just getting started, we need to work on it...
Charlotte: (quietly) We need to work on our cover stories too...

Lucian glowers at the group.

Matthew: (quietly) Well, he hasn't tried to fireball us or anything yet...
Charlotte: (quietly) Point.

Milli glowers back at Lucian.

Milli: So, you just happen to be looking at books on medieval metallurgy in the dark -
Lucian: The electricity meter's broken. And you just decided to check on me because you all hated me after five minutes -
Milli: I hated you. They didn't... Oh, uh, this is Simon by the way.
Simon: Hi... (waves)
Lucian: Evening - is that a crossbow?
Charlotte: No!... Okay, yes.
Milli: It's medieval.
Lucian: I suppose I can give you that - are those metal tips on the bolts?
Simon: ... Noooo...
Lucian: Can you let me see one of those? Just for a moment...
Milli: No. Really can't. You know how expensive these authentic reproductions can be.
Simon: It was given to me by my... gran.
Lucian: ... You're all out of your minds.
Milli: Yes. Yes we are.
Matthew: So we're just going to leave now.
William: You still haven't answered me. We found this list of books on the enchantment of weapons in the book you sold us.
Lucian: A man's private reading matter is his own business. I certainly don't think it merited you breaking in and threatening me...
Milli: Yeah, well, I don't like you.
Lucian: I'm starting to develop a slight antipathy towards you as well, Miss. And your, ah, gang.
William: (threateningly) I really think you should explain.

Lucian sighs.

Lucian: ... Look, let's sit down and discuss this like civilised people.

And cut to the Brody.

Our heroes stand at the door of their local student bar, looking over the crowd inside. It's packed with new faces.

Matthew: My God... it's full of freshers...
Milli: (points) Our table is full of freshers!
Charlotte: Uni pubs will do that.
William: And about twice as many as really fits.
Andy: I can clear the place -
Milli: NO.
Andy: Aww...
Lucian: Leave this to me.

He moves through the crowd like a shark through water, reaching the bar in under a minute, and soon returns with a tray of drinks, by which time the group are still finding seats.

Andy: Move! MOVE!
Matthew: Fast.
Milli: At least he didn't change... This is the only pub that'll let us in with him here...

Lucian takes off his coat and scarf, giving us a good look at his short-sleeved burgundy shirt, and a glimpse of a tattoo on his upper left arm.

Milli: So. Tell us about your reading material.
Lucian: I have an interest -
William: In the occult.
Lucian: The occult? Pfft!
Milli: We've had some problems in the past.
Lucian: People stealing society funds?
Charlotte: No. Well, actually...
Matthew: Anyway, it's always good to check on people who might be making magic swords.
Lucian: Huh? I know re-enactors can be a bit strange but this is more Tolkien Society territory...
Matthew: Actually -
William: Not now, Matthew.
Matthew: ...
Milli: We're just... interested in the belief in mystical weapons.

Lucian scratches his arm and downs his shot. Simon watches them talk, evidently trying to work out if they're serious.

Matthew: Did you, or did you not, write this list?
Lucian: ... I did.
Matthew: Why?
Lucian: Why should I tell you?
Milli: Trust us. It's our business.
Lucian: Trust you?
Milli: Tell us what we want to know, or I'll hurt you. Trust me on that.
Lucian: ... is she always like this?
Charlotte: Yeah.

Lucian sighs.

Lucian: Okay. If you must know. There's an old family legend about Durandal.
Milli: ...?
Lucian: The sword of Roland, chief of Charlemagne's Paladins?

Milli looks none the wiser, but Matthew and William nod.

Matthew: Ahhh...
Lucian: Anyway. They're just old family stories. But they're interesting old family stories.
Milli: So are there any other subjects of interest to you? With that kind of occult bent?
Lucian: Occult? Bent? No...
Milli: So why this one?
Lucian: After we came over with the Normans, one of my ancestors was sent back to France, searching for Durandal. No idea if he's supposed to have found anything. We certainly don't have it hanging over the mantelpiece... But I was interested in the genealogy aspect.
Milli: Genealogy, eh? Nothing about ancestral possession?
Lucian: Huh?
Milli: (quietly) Never mind... (moving on) What's your family?
Lucian: Weeks, of Billingstoke. Been there for centuries. Well, I haven't been there for centuries...
Milli: Good clarification. But y'know, you're a young...ish person. (stilted) We wouldn't... think you had been.

She shakes her head and tries to look convincing, then glances at William and nods. He writes down the names of the family and house.

Matthew: So. Let's be clear. You're not planning on enchanting any weapons of your own?
Lucian: No. Don't be stupid. They're just stories. I mean, ghosts and goblins, magic swords...

As he laughs, Milli glances at the bag containing her magic sword and smiles weakly.

William: Ahem. Well, we... study that area. Folklore and... the like.
Lucian: Right. Wonderful... I just thought you were being nosy.
Simon: So... who wants another drink?
Lucian: Allow me. Then maybe I can ask you some questions. About the myths, I mean...

He looks at William and Matthew here, and very much not at Milli.

Lucian: I still think there's something you're not telling me.
Milli: My psychiatrist says I have that problem...

Lucian returns soon after with a tray of drinks and a dozen packets of crisps.

Lucian: You look like a smoky bacon man.

He sets them down in front of Andy, who sweeps them all into his grasp. Lucian gingerly reaches for one and Andy snarls at him.

Andy: Rrrr...
Lucian: I did buy those, you know... Same psychiatrist?
Milli: We all do.
Simon: What?
Charlotte: Shhh.

Andy reluctantly throws one packet of crisps back.

Milli: Hey, well done. That's a big step for you...

Lucian opens it, looking at Andy warily.

Lucian: So, I'm willing to overlook the breaking and entering -
Charlotte: That's big of you.
Lucian: Sitting next to this young lady, I feel very forgiving... But no more breaking in. Call ahead. I really must insist.
Milli: If I've got no reason to, I won't.
Matthew: Milli's very good like that.
Lucian: Er... anyway. I can bring along my notes and scribbles to your office -
William: I could come to the shop and look at them.
Lucian: No, no, the office is much better -
Milli: Or the pub! Nice, safe, neutral ground pub.
Lucian: I think you don't quite trust me.
Milli: (casually) I don't know where you get that from.
Lucian: The way you carry swords when you break into my place of work at the dead of night...
Milli: Well, yes, there's that...

He avoids her gaze.

Lucian: So, drink up. Now then, Mister Escher's office at eleven sharp?
Matthew: No, really not.
Lucian: (suspicious again) Why?
Matthew: We have... classes. And work. (quietly) In freshers' week.
Lucian: Now, come on...
Matthew: Drinking!

He grabs one of the shot glasses, downs it and wheezes, eyes watering.

Matthew: Yes! We plan to get so drunk we can't do anything.
Charlotte: Yes! And... Milli has her psychiatric appointment at lunchtime!
Milli: Which I'll be drunk for!

She grabs a glass just as quickly, and grimaces as she drinks.

Matthew: (quietly) Please God stop me talking.

Andy watches them in action.

Andy: This some kinda... girly drink?
Lucian: Oh, ah, try it, see what you think...

He sits back and watches. Matthew notes the watching and stealthily spits his next shot into a bottle. Charlotte discourages William from overindulging by kissing him as he raises a glass. Milli rather pointedly hands Lucian a glass, and he takes it with a gulp.

Half an hour later, Matthew, William and Charlotte are still largely sober.

Matthew: Do you think this was his plan?
Charlotte: For him to get us all drunk... and for him to get ratarsed as well?
William: It's not a very good plan...

They look over at Lucian as he grins and wobbles slightly.

Lucian: Okay. Now I think of you ash friendsh... I really, really like you...
Milli: I still don't like you.
Lucian: Fair enough, with the shord and all...
Milli reaches for her bag of weapons. Matthew stands up quickly.

Matthew: Okay then, who needs a taxi home?
Charlotte: We do.
Milli: You know me. Alluz fine. I just goin' walk.
Matthew: Milli... time to go.
Lucian: (points at Matthew) You have not been drink... king enough.
Matthew: I have! I can slur words... sh. Shee? So... Sho. Cab?
Lucian: Takshi for my new shord-wielding friends. Ooh, can I shee it?
Milli: No...

He makes to grab it, and winces as he cuts his thumb.

Lucian: Ver... sharp for re-enacting.
Matthew: Milli, come on. Shadow monsters in the taxi.
Milli: Where? Lemme at 'em...

He pays the driver a twenty as William and Charlotte hold the door, and sends the three of them off.

Lucian: I'll be fine, I -

Matthew grabs his scarf.

Lucian: Hoy! 'At's my lucky shcarf! 'Ad it shince I wash an undergrad'jit...

He gets up and stumbles after Matthew, who throws the scarf into a waiting taxi. Lucian gets in, Matthew shuts the door behind him, and we see him flipping a V sign out of the window as the cab drives away. He shakes his head and goes to try and rouse Andy.

Charlotte: So he got most of you drunk and then forgot to ask questions? As evil plans go, I think it needs some finessing.
William: Maybe he's trying to soften us up.
Milli: Bet you he's an evil wizard. Bet you.
William: We'll look it up in the morning. Come on.
Milli: Right... urgh... I only had three of those things...

And cut to Lucian stumbling out of the cab towards his flat, taking off his coat, hanging up his scarf, and scratching idly at his arm.

Revealing a tattoo of a long sword in black and grey, with a banner over it reading DURANDAL.


Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Five, Episode Two, follow-up

Next time on The Watch House:

A brown-haired girl with glasses, running full tilt as she looks backwards at the empty corridor, almost runs into Simon.

Simon: Are you al-
Helen: You don't see it?

Matthew looks over and sees a translucent creature of flickering yellow and orange light scraping its three-inch claws at the barrier formed by the threshold. It notices him, pauses and roars in his face. William doesn't bat an eyelid until Matthew stumbles back.

William: (confused) What?

The next episode of The Watch House is What You Don't Know.

DVD Commentary

(Milli's lockpick earrings)
Cat: Have you seen the film Bound?
Craig: Yeah. So Milli's a lockpick fashion victim?
Cat: ... Yes. Yes she is.

(Milli: This is the way it is for us. This is why we do what we do. Why we fight. So we don't have to tell people that the people they love were taken away from them for no reason.)
Dave: Milli has "issues".
Craig: Oh no, Milli has proper issues. No quotation marks needed.
Cat: Yeah, it's true...

(William flanks the demon)
Dave: I sneak like a ninja!
Cat: Hide is the word. You hid like a kitten!
Dave: ... Yeah, okay. I hid like a ninja!

(William: Lying wouldn't make it any better.)
Cat: Oh, isn't that ironic coming from William!

(William sheathes his swordcane and leans on it)
Stuart: You just did the Yoda thing, didn't you?
Dave: ... Might have...

(Charlotte: Is this because he was trying to chat you up?)
Cat: Was he? I musta missed that bit...

(Tray of tequila)
Craig: Is there a plan here beyond getting them all very drunk?
Malcolm: Not really, no.
Cat: It's an end in itself, really.

(Lucian: I did buy those, you know...)
Cat: Never come between a werewolf and his crisps.
Craig: Like the Nazgul. Only with crisps. And slightly less of the Black Speech.

Actual Play bit

This week we introduce two new players. Simon, played by Doug, and Lucian, played by Malcolm. Malcolm discussed joining and created the character and related plot hooks weeks in advance, and Doug joined that day based on a nod from another GM. It's good to have standards, and mine are a double!

Malcolm also played the three freshers. When in doubt, complicate the characters' lives for laughs.


Emilie Dequenne Fanboy
RPGnet Member
Validated User
Big laffs, especially the fresher fair bits.

The new kids are interesting. Durendal, eh? Hmmmm.

(I notice that two of the Monica Keena pictures in the credits are identical, btw.)

Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
Big laffs, especially the fresher fair bits.

The new kids are interesting. Durendal, eh? Hmmmm.

(I notice that two of the Monica Keena pictures in the credits are identical, btw.)

(That's one link, with a comma.)
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