(Buffy Actual Play) The Watch House Season Seven

Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House is an ongoing Buffy The Vampire Slayer spinoff concerning Prentices - Watchers in training - in King's College Cambridge.

Season One

Season Two

Season Three

Season Four

Season Five

Season Six

"For centuries the Watchers have trained and studied here, learning to guard the unknowing world from the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. These same forces besiege this city every night, and it falls to the students to hold them back..."

The Watch House 7.01: Down Among The Dead

Milli: Watcher Prentice more given to fighting than studying, repeating her third year due to having been busy fighting her way through Hell for most of the last term.
William: postgraduate Watcher Prentice, historian, scientist and dragonslayer.
Natalie: daughter of Watcher gentry, studying law after completing a degree in Classics.
Matthew: former Watcher Prentice, former sorcerer, now stripped of his rank and his powers, a magical "dead zone".
Andy: hereditary werewolf, largely in control of his family curse but often the worse for his constant struggle.
Simon: formerly involved to avenge his sister's death, now desperate for some way to do some good.

Amanda: granddaughter of a dragon, double-jointed and light-fingered.

Escher: the Watchers' tutor, protective of his charges and prone to brooding over his failings.
Charlotte: William's girlfriend, studying modern history at postgraduate level, jealous of his time spent in the fight and especially with Milli.


"And now, The Watch House returns... during something else entirely."

Quentin Travers frowns deeply and closes a heavy leather-bound book. He rests his hand on the cover wearily.

Travers: So, the time has come at last. Prepare what you can. But for now, we still have other threats to tackle, and we cannot shirk our duties...


Milli frowns and folds her arms. William raises his eyebrows curiously. Charlotte bites her lip. Natalie tilts her head attentively. Andy chews on a biscuit thoughtfully.

Travers leans against the reading desk in Escher's office, addressing the assembled group.

Travers: Thank you all for coming. I fear that I have a solemn duty to entrust you with. The security of the Watchers themselves falls to you, in this delicate matter, and we require your aid in containing a threat to our shores...


And Tony Robinson smiles as he steps out of a Time Team Land Rover in a partially-excavated field.

Tony: We're in The Fens, looking for evidence of a Viking encampment upriver from the Wash - which disappeared from history for no known reason. We want to find out why. It could be a fantastic new insight into the Norse invasions. And as usual, we've got just three days to find it.

Director: And cut!
Tony: That okay? Good.

He and the camera crew walk on. William stands in the trench. He looks up and leans on his spade as they pass, his brow furrowing.

Charlotte: Hey, look, I found something!
William: What is it?
Charlotte: Looks like Staffordshire pottery.
William: So not ancient evil?
Charlotte: Not yet...

William nods and looks around warily.

William: Give it time...


The full moon over Cambridge, behind the tower of King's College Chapel

Music: Ash, Evil Eye

The Watch House

Sophia Myles as Milli Blackhurst - fighting with her sword, firing a crossbow in each hand, glaring, smirking.

Rupert Evans as William Grove - hefting his axe, firing a speargun at a looming dragon, looking through a heavy tome, half-smiling.

A huge draconic shadow over King's College.

Monica Keena as Natalie Derby-Moore - staking a vampire, throwing a burning torch, wearing an evening dress and beaming at a crowd, giggling.

Gabriel Thomson as Matthew Fairweather - smiling wanly, scowling, gazing up at a burning sphere of golden energy.

Hans Matheson as Andy Sampson - roaring at the camera, elbowing a demon in the face, smirking and raising a bottle of beer in salute, snarling with his shirt open.

Andy as a werewolf charging full-tilt at a pack of vampires. Milli fighting on top of a collapsing stone tower during a thunderstorm. A huge batlike creature swooping at the camera. Simon and Amanda kissing.

Sean Biggerstaff as Simon Williams- stabbing a demon with a shortsword, brooding, grimacing, punching someone in the face.

Milli and Victoria fighting with swords.

Kelly Harrison as Charlotte Hamilton - loading a crossbow, gazing into the middle distance, raising her eyebrows questioningly.

A dragon spitting flames. A flash of a swordfight. A shot of the volcanic plains of Hell.

And Alfred Molina as Michael Escher - studying an ancient tome, loading a crossbow, glowering.

A dark hooded figure turning to camera.

A "call to arms" shot of the group striding out of the office.

Created by Whedon, Oxbrow, Tobin, Windmill, Robertson, Prentice, Neil, Dizzy, McCraw, McIntyre, Whiteley and Darlington

Logo thanks to EvilBrennan

Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Seven, Episode One, Act One

Guest starring Tony Robinson and Mick Aston as themselves.


Milli walks past Mick Aston and his archaeology group being filmed, a shovel slung over her shoulder, carrying a lump of muddy metal. She heads into the evidence tent and looks around.

Milli: Can somebody wash this?

Natalie waves her over, standing behind the finds table.

Amanda hands her a cup of tea.

Amanda: So, er, why do the Watchers want you all to infiltrate an episode of Time Team?
Natalie: Well, I always thought it brings history to life...

Matthew tuts and goes back to sketching pieces of broken pottery.

Matthew: Why do they come and go after three days? Surely they miss lots of things.
Natalie: It's so they can organise digs quickly. And it gives the programme a dramatic "shape" to work to as a story.
Matthew: But all they find is a bunch of bits of pottery. It's not even as interesting as Antiques Roadshow.


And cut to William's parents in the queue for a recording of Antiques Roadshow, looking really interested.


Milli looks sidelong at Matthew as he goes to scan his sketches.

Milli: So. Matthew. Here he is. Back again.
Natalie: He went to visit his mother over the summer. But hey, this time he came back when I asked.
Milli: Uh-huh. And... what about Thomas?
Natalie: Oh, he couldn't.
Milli: Oh?
Natalie: Yes, he's studying at the Royal London Hospital.
Milli: Oh, right, so... is that hard for you?
Natalie: No, no...

She glances at Matthew and almost hides a frown.

Milli: Still, long-distance relationships... believe me, I know...
Andy: Oh yeah, because you did have to go to Hell to visit him, didn't ya?

Andy wanders by, carrying a ham sandwich in muddy fingers.

Milli: (flatly) Yes, Andy.
Andy: So, what was the weather like?
Milli: Stormy.
Natalie: Andy, I thought we agreed, not so many questions about H-E-L-L...
Milli: I can spell, y'know.
Natalie: Right, yes... actually wasn't sure the other way...

Matthew starts to head back. Milli nods towards him.

Milli: So, okay working with...?
Natalie: It's strange at times. But other times it's okay.

Milli arches an eyebrow.

Natalie: What? Don't give me that face!
Milli: What face? I was -
Natalie: That smug knowing face - you know nothing!
Milli: I know it can be difficult dealing with someone you love after having a massive showdown with him.
Natalie: I'm not!
Milli: Believe me, even fighting to the death doesn't always help you get over -
Natalie: We never fought to the death!
Milli: I'm just saying it can be... difficult.
Natalie: Look, he's forgiven me.
Milli: Oh, he's forgiven you, has he? That's fine then, isn't it? After he -
Natalie: (quietly) Let's not.

Milli nods.

Milli: (gently) Do you think he's changed?
Natalie: I know he has.
Milli: Into what?
Natalie: He's not the Matthew he was... he's lost the addiction to power... and... I should get back to cleaning artefacts. Why I have this stylish plastic apron on.
Milli: Right. And... I should go dig more dirt. (quickly) In the trenches.
Natalie: No evil yet?
Milli: Nah, just pottery.


William: Oh, see the curve on the rim here, this comes from a much larger piece, and the internal firing suggests it was for storing liquids...

Natalie sits in the background and endeavours to look interested as William and Charlotte show a three-inch chunk of earthenware to the camera crew.

Matthew adds it to the find catalogue. Natalie nods. There's an awkward silence.

Amanda rushes in carrying a tray of tea cups, distributing them quickly.

Natalie: So, no clues about the mysterious and possibly supernatural disappearance of a Viking war party yet?
William: Nothing in particular.


And cut to someone in another trench unearthing a skull. And a glowing white mist rising from its eye sockets, starting to take a humanoid form, and drawing a sword.


Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Seven, Episode One, Act Two

Simon looks over as he sees the mist rising from the ground. He heads over to the next trench along.

Simon: William! Charlotte! C'mon!
William: What is it?
Simon: Over there!
William: (flatly) Oh look. Mist in England. How terribly exciting.
Simon: It's... sort of… forming into a person.
William: Oh. Right.

He waves Milli over. Charlotte almost doesn't frown.

Simon: Looks like something's been digged up.
Milli: ... Digged?
Simon: Er, anyway. Get in the way of the cameras!
Charlotte: Right. We can show them the pottery we found.

There's something of a crowd gathering around the mist.

Milli: Yes, uh, everybody back! This looks like it's that gas that... strips skin from bones, and... uh... So we should run away. Now.

Simon reaches in and pulls out the skull.

Milli: Yes, well...

She tries to look innocent as she drops it into her bag.

Milli: How'd it feel?
Simon: Kinda cold.
William: Hey, look! Some armour!
Charlotte: (loudly) Yes! Look at that!
William: Hm? Oh, right. (loudly) Gosh! Tony, Tony, look what I found! (quietly) But there is actually some there.

Milli zips up her bag and hurries away as William and Charlotte attempt to make noise.

Milli: Right. Is the mist contained?
Simon: No... but it is following us.
Milli: Well, that's... something...

They hurry into the finds tent and look around. Natalie, Matthew and Amanda look up.

Milli: Guys, guys!
Natalie: Milli, if it's more pottery we don't want to see it.
Milli: No, it's a skull...

A slightly transparent Viking enters.

Milli: With this ghost attached.

Everyone blinks.

Natalie: Why did you bring a ghost?
Milli: Well, y'know, don't want him on TV.
Natalie: Right.

She approaches the ghost.

Natalie: Um... hello. (quietly) Damn it, I don't know Norse. Oh well, Latin was the lingua franca... (Latin) Hello!
Donar: (Bad Latin) Greetings, small Saxon girl.
Natalie: (Latin) Er, right. (pointing) Is this your skull?
Milli: I think so.
Natalie: Might not be, might be a victim or a loved one or something.

Milli holds it up inside the ghost's head.

Milli: Seems to fit...
Natalie: Okay, okay. (Latin) What do you want?
Matthew: (Latin, deadpan) For someone to put your skull down?
Donar: (Bad Latin) To face the Jotun.
Natalie: Jotun, Jotun, Jotun...
Donar: (Bad Latin) Monster.
Natalie: Oh, monster! (Latin) Fangs?

She mimes fangs. The ghost nods.

Natalie: (Latin) Fur? (English) No Andy around...

She points to her hair, then her arm. The ghost shakes his head.

Natalie: (Latin) Did it kill you?
Donar: (Bad Latin) And all my camp. (Norse mumbling) Ingvar.
Natalie: Ingvar?
Donar: Ingvar.

He turns and walks out through the tent wall.

Matthew: What did you say to him?
Natalie: Ingvar...

Milli tuts and follows the ghost. Simon follows and Natalie looks out as Milli takes out her phone.

Milli: Hello, Mister Escher? Do you speak Norse?...

The ghost stops at an empty spot and strikes the ground with his spear. A second ghost rises out of the ground.

Milli: ... I'll have to call you back, bye.
Natalie: (Latin) No! Bad! No making more ghosts!
Donar: Ingvar.
Natalie: Ohhh. Right. Hello. (Latin) Hello?
Ingvar: You must forgive Donar, I was the translator for the camp.
Natalie: Ohh, right. A pleasure to meet you.
Ingvar: Would that I could say the same, young maiden -
Natalie: Natalie.
Ingvar: Natalie. But I fear this means that we are bound to the defeat of the frost giant who we bested long ages ago, at the cost of our own lives.
Natalie: Oh, there's a... frost... giant...

She looks around warily.

Natalie: Is it, like, under that hill? Because we slew a dragon which was under a hill.
Milli: (grumbling) Always talking about the dragon, I was in Hell at the time...
Ingvar: You are a dragonslayer?
Natalie: Oh, well, not me personally, I just killed the Elf -
Ingvar: Where is this greatest of heroes that we may toast his fame?

Milli crosses her arms and pouts.

Natalie: Errrr, anyway, this frost giant. Don't suppose it might have died in the intervening eleven hundred years?
Ingvar: Alas, I fear no. It took the lives of forty brave Vikings to bring it down and bind it to the earth.
Natalie: So, it's underground?
Ingvar: For now.
Natalie: Oh.

She looks at the digging equipment and dozens of volunteers with shovels and trowels.

Natalie: Right.

She sighs.

Natalie: So, er, we just need to stop anyone digging it up or noticing you for two and a half days...
Milli: We can find lots of things. And if need be we can move them around away from there.
Natalie: Like they used to in Pompeii to get extra funding?
Milli: Hmph.

Natalie shrugs, and looks to Ingvar and Donar.

Natalie: Could you... keep out of sight? You and the rest of your... warband...

Matthew looks out.

Matthew: Right, apparently Ingvar was a name at the... er, hello...

Ingvar and Donar look at Matthew warily.

Natalie: He's with us. (quietly) Or something.

Milli goes over to see William and Charlotte. And waits as they do an interview with Mick Aston.

Charlotte: (bouncy) We're going to be on telly...
Milli: Yeah great there's a frost giant.

Charlotte's shoulders slump.

William: Where?
Milli: Looks like... right under the catering tent.
Charlotte: Which is really warm and liable to wake it up.
William: Right.
Milli: Bugger.
William: Oh well, at least nobody's actually digging there.


And cut to Tony and Mick looking at the Geophysics team's ground-penetrating radar results.

Tony: So there's definitely something there.
Mick: Looks like we'll need to open up a trench right under there.
Tony: Get the JCB!

Last edited:

Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Seven, Episode One, Act Three

Milli: Hello again... what do you know about the Viking era?
Escher: Well, Mrs. Green is the early medieval lecturer, but... why, have you found something?
Milli: Someone.
Escher: I see... Should I come over?
Milli: Nah. Just forty-odd ghostly Vikings. And possibly a frost giant.


Natalie leads Charlotte into the finds tent.

Natalie: Now, keep your eyes closed... And, open them!

Charlotte looks up at Ingvar and Donar and yelps.

Natalie: Charlotte, this is Ingvar and... er...
Donar: Donar.
Natalie: Donar.
Charlotte: ... Hi.
Donar: (Norse) The quality of comely wenches in these lands is much improved since our day.
Ingvar: (Norse, quietly) Manners, Donar...
Donar: (Norse) A fine blonde, a slender brunette, now this fair-faced redhead... and also that girl with pink hair, that's a new one on me...
Ingvar: (Norse, hissing) Shut it!


Charlotte steps out, looking pale.

Natalie: Are you okay?
Charlotte: Feel a bit... woozy.
Natalie: Sorry. I thought you'd be excited.
Charlotte: Oh, I am, just... maybe I shouldn't have had that hot dog.

William looks out and grimaces.

William: Looks like they've spotted the anomaly. I need to get at their geophys machine.
Natalie: Leave it to me.


Natalie beams.

Natalie: Hello! I've seen these on telly, but could you show me how that works?

She points to another machine and the team geophys guy smiles politely.

Natalie: Oh, the green button, that's so clever!
Geophys: Ye-
Natalie: Oh, you know, I wish I could find something good, I'd love to be on television...

William sidles past and starts working on the ground-penetrating radar assembly.

Natalie: (quickly) And oh God is that the time I really should be going bye!
Geophys: ...


William: Okay, that should stop them looking at the large sorta-hollow cold spot.
Milli: Good.
Simon: So what are we going to do with the giant ice lolly? Keep them from disturbing it, and then...?
Amanda: Well, do the Time Team crew usually go in before a larger dig?
Natalie: Sometimes. But archaeologists generally don't have that much money.
Andy: Oh, hey, will this come out on DVD?

Everyone looks at Andy.

Andy: Hey, if I get on TV...
Natalie: Yeah, just as long as it isn't Most Haunted...


And cut to Natalie's sister Aleathea smiling for the Most Haunted cameras in front of a creepy abandoned house.


Natalie: So we watch it.
Andy: Most Haunted?
Natalie: The giant.
Simon: What, we set up a permanent guard?
Milli: Hrm.
Natalie: I dunno. Let's discuss it once we've gotten all the TV cameras out of here.

Nobody looks at the camera.

Natalie: Pity we couldn't have kept the dragon. It could take a frost giant. Then William could zap it.
Milli: Hmph. (mutters) I could press a button...
Andy: Well, next time we have a shot at a dragon -
Natalie: Next time? I really hope we won't see one for a while.

Amanda looks at the ceiling of the tent.

Natalie: No offence... Uh, anyway, they'll be digging somewhere else, and we should park on top of the giant or something for the time being.
Andy: Because otherwise they'll dig and it will arise.
Natalie: "Arise"?
Andy: ... I've been hanging around with you people too long.
Natalie: Um, yes... Then we should research our options... Almost a pity Sandra transferred out.
Charlotte: Because nobody was speaking to her.
Natalie: Yes...
Matthew: I'll go.
William: Right. Good.

He gets up and leaves.

Milli: Because nobody's speaking to him?

Natalie looks sidelong at her.


Natalie: So, ah, sir, where are you going to dig next?
Mick: Well, there was something odd over there but it seems to have gone, could just have been a geophysics glitch. So we're opening another trench over here...

Natalie nods, and heads back to the tent.

Natalie: Uh, Ingvar?
Ingvar: Mm?
Natalie: Anything in that area?
Ingvar: Some of our corpses, perhaps. Maybe Sigmund or Snorri. We lay where we fell. And perhaps where animals dragged our carcasses afterwards.
Natalie: So, uh, we should plant someone in the trench?
Amanda: Ooh, me! I can palm objects and be all distracting.
Charlotte: But you'll disturb the finds -
Milli: Probably not as much as the ghost is about to.
Natalie: Oh, crap! Ingvar, go get that guy and... hide in the trees or something.

Ingvar looks offended by this idea.

Simon: Umm, we need a distraction. Quick, Andy, punch me!
Andy: What?
Simon: Punch me! In the face!
Andy: Are you sure about that?
Simon: Yes!
Natalie: No!

Andy swings. Simon is thrown off his feet.

Simon: Aaagh, bloody hell...
Amanda: Er... Fight! Hey!

Natalie facepalms.

William: Lunch!
Simon: (groaning) Ohhh... that's a... much better plan...
Amanda: (irritably) Are you all done now? Can we go?

She helps Simon up, giving him a tissue as his nose bleeds, and walks him into the tent.

Amanda: Are you alright?
Simon: Had worse... now and then... from Andy, in fact.
Amanda: Hm?
Simon: Never mind.
Amanda: Fine... Keep the pressure on your nose.
Simon: ... Thanks.

Amanda starts to flounce off, then turns.

Amanda: Lunch is on. Roll?
Simon: No thank you. Jaw's a bit sore and all.
Amanda: Right. I'll go and make sure Natalie isn't giving too many food poisoning... (ponders) If everyone gets sick they won't air this!

She runs off.

Simon: ...

Milli, William and Ingvar sneak into the new trench.

Ingvar: Sigmund!

A third Viking ghost holds his left hand to his chest, looking at the living warily.

Ingvar: William Dragonslayer -
Milli: Hmph.
Ingvar: And Millicent, er, Hell-Visitor, this is Sigmund Battleblood, the last of our band to survive.
Sigmund: By almost three minutes.
William: Mm-hmm...
Sigmund: I bound the giant to the earth, with my blood and that of my slain kinsmen.
William: (quietly) Always with the shedding blood...

Sigmund points to the earth near his exposed skull. William bends down, finds the skeleton's left hand, and sees a carved runestone still held tightly by the fleshless fingers.

Sigmund: This is how I bound him, once thirty-seven of us had died and all hope of slaying him was lost.
Donar: (Norse, defensively) We died well...
Sigmund: (Norse, reassuringly) No-one is saying you didn't...

William picks it up and looks at it.

And cold steam starts to rise from the centre of the dig.

William: Oh. Uh...

He drops it. And starts to scoop earth over it.

The cold air continues to shoot into the air.

Milli: (urgently) How do you stop it?
Sigmund: Surely you intend to slay the beast and free us to go on to Valhalla, Dragonslayer?
Milli: I'm right here...
William: Well, er, yes, but not with everybody standing around.
Sigmund: Ah. Then bleed on it and rebury it.
William: ...
Milli: Will any blood do?
Sigmund: Ye-

William runs off.

Donar: (Norse) Interesting hair on this one, eh?
Ingvar: (Norse) Not now...


Simon looks up as William bursts into the tent.

William: We need you.
Simon: Wha-?
William: Well, not all of. Your blood.
Simon: What? Now wait a -

William grabs the tissue and runs back out.


Simon stumbles over as William wraps the stone in the tissue and buries it.

The jets of cold air stop.

William: Whew.
Simon: So, er, what... just... what?
Ingvar: Your blood bound the giant to the earth through the power of the enchanted runestone.
Simon: (blinks) Oh... (thinks) Good. (thinks again) Wait, does this mean it'll rise and hunt me down to eat me first?
Sigmund: Er...

The ghosts shrug.

William: No. I'm sure.
Simon: Right.
William: ... Ish.
Ingvar: That should keep it until this group departs to -


Tony: Pub?
Mick: Pub.


Amanda: (singing) We dig dig dig and dig dig dig and -
Milli: (quietly) If she keeps singing I'll be able to call myself Dragonslayer too.

Mick Aston looks down at the group, working around Sigmund's body without disturbing it.

Mick: Pub?
William: Er, love to, but...

His phone rings.

William: Hello?
Escher: Frost giants. Can be bound by carving the rune for Jotunheim on a stone and bathing it -
William: Yes, yes. How do we kill it?
Escher: Crack its skull or cut off its head.
William: Right, good -
Escher: But...
William: ... But?
Escher: Its neck is probably about seven or eight feet thick.
William: So, er... we need to get it lying down.
Escher: Perhaps. But as a thing of elemental cold, it will not be a normal physical presence while bound.
William: So not like the dragon.
Escher: No.
William: Though this does seem to happen a lot around here, ancient sleeping monsters...
Escher: You should try visiting the Cotswolds some time.
William: Huh?
Escher: Never mind.
William: Anyway, what about vulnerabilities, like fire? Would a flamethrower help?
Escher: After a fashion.
William: Meaning?
Escher: Like we can drown, but a few raindrops don't really bother us.
William: Oh.
Escher: Best of luck. We'll keep looking here. Bye...

Escher puts the office phone down.

Matthew: Did you mention the runestone?


William: So it sounds like we would need a dragon to burn it.
Simon: Flamethrower isn't gonna be enough?
Milli: It would probably annoy it. And then it would be annoyed and kill us.
Natalie: And we can't kill it till we activate it.
Charlotte: I bet the Order had rocket launchers and stuff.
Andy: Who?
Amanda: The Order.
Andy: Eh?
Milli: Crazy anti-magic soldiers?
Andy: Uh?
William: Tried to kill you a bunch of times?
Andy: No, sorry...
Natalie: Wore balaclavas?
Andy: Oh yes! The Order!
All: ...
Andy: I thought you said something else.
All: ...

Amanda breaks the disbelieving silence.

Amanda: Hm. What kills frost giants?
Andy: Thaw?
Amanda: I don't think we can get Thor to help.
Andy: No, thaw. A-W... (thinks) Which we probably can't call to help us either.
Natalie: And anyway, we don't want to go invoking gods, we're trying to keep this thing quiet...
Milli: I suppose the Norse gods riding out of the sky might draw a little attention, yeah...
Amanda: Er, well... maybe we can make a pact with them, everyone spits in a bowl...
Milli: Or, Thor used lightning. You still got that lightning machine that you killed the dragon with?
William: No, it kind of got mauled. And hacked up. And it exploded.

William snaps his fingers.

William: Got it. We just need to steal a laser.

Everyone looks at him doubtfully.

Andy: Really? A laser? That's the plan?
William: Yes, it's hot and it cuts quickly...

Everyone looks at him doubtfully.

Except Andy, who looks up at the sky.

Andy: Uh... guys...

The Time Team survey helicopter flies low over the hilltop.

William: Oh, this is the bit where they fly overhead to look for the outlines of structures.
Milli: Or giants in this case.
Natalie: Yes, but they normally do it before they start digging. It could damage the finds!

The downdraft from the helicopter hits the trench, the loose mud blows off, and the tissue flies away.

A cloud of cold air rises, and a massive white arm with blue veins pulls itself out of the ground, then a head with icicles for hair starts to emerge.

Natalie: Or possibly more than just the finds...

Last edited:

Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Seven, Episode One, Act Four

Tony sits in the passenger seat of the helicopter, turning to the Time Team camera behind him.

Tony: Geophys spotted a low-temperature hollow in the middle of the dig site earlier, then it didn't show up on their follow-up scan. It could just be a software problem, but we thought we'd take a look at the site from above and what the bloody hell is that?


Donar blows a horn.

Milli: What are you -

The Viking ghosts rise from the ground in a circle around the emerging giant. They start to heave on ethereal ropes and a ghostly longship rises out of the earth.

Milli: Ah. Okay...

Natalie watches the Vikings man the spectral ship, then takes an axe as Milli opens her bag of weapons.

Natalie: So what now?
Simon: Anyone have a backup plan?
Andy: I said you should have one but you all poo-pooed it. "Oh no, steal a laser - no, Mister Bond, I expect you to die..."

William looks around, and points to the barbecue.

Natalie: Propane.

Simon runs over towards it.

Milli: Right. We need a strategy -

Andy charges past, dropping to all fours and shifting to werewolf form.

Amanda runs after him, flames flickering all around her.

Milli: Or, y'know...

The giant swings a huge clawed hand at Amanda and she stumbles back. Andy leaps and slashes at its wrist. It brings out its other hand and grabs him. His fur stands on end and he howls in pain, breath steaming.

Then it throws him at the helicopter.

He clangs against the side of the cockpit and drops back to the ground as the chopper veers away unevenly.

The pilot makes an emergency landing, buckling the landing gear.


Milli runs in front of Amanda as the giant moves to swat her with the flat of its hand. A gust of cold air makes Milli shiver as she steps forwards and stabs it in the back of the hand.

Natalie: Keep it pinned!

The giant tears free, and Milli tumbles away.


Tony and the director run away from the downed plane, carrying the limping pilot, and shelter behind the tent.

William runs over to crouch beside them.

William: Can you get it back up in the air?
Pilot: Maybe, but I couldn't land it.
William: Don't worry about that. I have an idea.
Director: Is it a cunning plan?
Tony: Shut up.


Andy, back in human form, rolls over with a moan and shivers.

Andy: B-bloody hell it's f-freezing...


William starts pulling wires out of the dashboard of the helicopter.

William: Distraction!
Milli: Right!

Milli runs back and stabs again. The giant snarls at her.

Amanda: Okay! Simon, throw the gas bottle now!

Simon heaves the propane bottle towards the giant's emerging feet as it pulls itself free. Amanda concentrates, and a small ball of fire forms in her hand. She throws it and the tank explodes. The giant totters and drops to one knee.

Ingvar: Right!

The Vikings man the oars and the ghostly longship collides with the giant's side. It rolls over, roaring at them angrily, and pushes itself up, leaving patches of icy ground and frosty white grass everywhere it touches.

William crosses two wires, flinches at the spark, jams a stone into the back of the joystick and jumps clear.

The helicopter's rotor spins, its blades slice at the air and it bounces forwards, hitting the giant in the chest rotor-first and exploding.

The giant topples to the ground, exploding into a gust of snowy air and leaving behind nothing but a large patch of frozen ground where he fell.

The Vikings turn and salute William.

Ingvar: Hail Dragonslayer!
Sigmund: Hail Giantslayer!
Donar: Hail!
Milli: ... Oh, bloody Hell...
William: Uh... thank you, Vikings...

Milli sheathes her sword sulkily as the Vikings fade away.

Natalie: So, er... Tony...
Tony: Ancient evil?
Natalie: Ye-no...
Tony: It's hardly the first time.

Natalie opens her mouth to add something, then shuts it again as he turns and limps off.


And cut to Escher being interviewed by Tony. The group stand in a trench behind him and try to look busy.

Escher: Well, our primary historical sources indicate that the Viking encampment disappeared overnight, and the bodies you found wouldn't dispute that. Of course, the sources were written a good century later, and their accuracy can be questionable. One of them blames the camp's destruction on some sort of monster...

He chuckles. Behind him, the group look away casually.


Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Seven, Episode One, follow-up

Next time, on The Watch House:

Milli duelling a vampire swordsman on a narrow bridge as a punt floats by underneath.

Milli and Natalie looking at each other as Sullivan lets them into his flat.

Amanda putting an arm around Simon's waist.

Andy on all fours, scrabbling to stop as a tour bus goes past.

The next episode of The Watch House is Visitors.


DVD Commentary

(Simon: It's... sort of… forming into a person.)
Dave: Can I think something clever about mist with my intelligence?
Craig: Er... possibly...

(Milli: ... Digged?)
Cat: It wouldn't be so bad, but that line came from Doug.

(Milli: Right. Is the mist contained?)
Dave: Ah yes, bags, those well known mist containers...

(Matthew: I'll go.
William: Right. Good.)
Craig: So, Matthew thinks he and William are fine?
Dave: Looks like.
Craig: Should someone disambiguate him on that?
Dave: Nahh, William likes not having to deal with him...

(Amanda: Lunch is on. Roll?)
Lucy: In the hay?

(Natalie: And we can't kill it till we activate it.)
Dave: Gianteers - activate!
Craig: How come you weren't making all these jokes during the giant robot episode?
Dave: Nah, of course it's coming up now in the magical Viking episode.
Craig: Well, I can't argue with that... I want to say "logic" but somehow it doesn't seem like the right word...

(William: Got it. We just need to steal a laser.)
Craig: That's a brilliant plan. So now I have to stop you before you can use it.


Registered User
Validated User
Re: The Watch House Season Seven, Episode One, follow-up

Season 7 said:
Ingvar: Hail Dragonslayer!
Sigmund: Hail Giantslayer!
Donar: Hail!
Milli: ... Oh, bloody Hell...
Poor Milli!

(and subscribed, naturally)


Emilie Dequenne Fanboy
RPGnet Member
Validated User
Yay, Vikings!

Welcome back, TWH. We've missed you.

Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Seven, Episode Two, Pre-Credits

The Watch House 7.02: Visitors

Milli: Watcher Prentice more given to fighting than studying, repeating her third year due to having been busy fighting her way through Hell for most of the last term.
William: postgraduate Watcher Prentice, historian, scientist and dragonslayer.
Natalie: daughter of Watcher gentry, studying law after completing a degree in Classics.
Matthew: former Watcher Prentice, former sorcerer, now stripped of his rank and his powers, a magical "dead zone".
Andy: hereditary werewolf, largely in control of his family curse but often the worse for his constant struggle.
Simon: formerly involved to avenge his sister's death, still seeking a way to do some good after one of Matthew's spells revived her.

Escher: the Watchers' tutor, protective of his charges and prone to brooding over his failings.
Charlotte: William's girlfriend, studying modern history at postgraduate level, jealous of his time spent in the fight and especially with Milli.
Amanda: granddaughter of a dragon, double-jointed and light-fingered.

Sullivan: half-demon artefact fence.


Previously on The Watch House:

Sullivan handing Milli a jewellery box.

Sullivan: A light when all other lights go out.

Milli pulling a necklace off a vampire, and the vampire flying backwards.

Escher: Magical stones that let vampires through the protective Shield...


We open on Milli duelling with a vampire on top of a small bridge over the Cam. As their swords ring together, we pull back to see most of the group spread out over the redeveloped Quayside plaza.

William looks around as he fires his crossbow at a second vampire.

William: Hey! They're inside the Shield!
Charlotte: Oh yeah...
Natalie: I can't see any... glowy necklaces or anything...

She backpedals and looks at the group of vampires.

Andy runs out of a side street on all fours, and skids to a halt as a tour bus rolls by, then steps out in human form and runs to join the others. He swings ineffectually at a third vampire with his baseball bat. The vamp knocks him across an outside table.


Milli spins and kicks the vampire, sending him tumbling over the low guardrail. He falls to the river below, narrowly missing a punt, catching the punting pole and exploding as he goes.

Milli looks across at a burst of flashes of light, to see her picture being taken by half a dozen snappers in the bank.

Amanda hurries over to them.

Amanda: Ahh, yes, it's a, ahh, very impressive effect, isn't it? It's based on Pepper's Ghost -


Natalie ducks back as the fourth vampire swings at her, backing up against the wall.

Natalie: Come on, there has to - anklets!
Simon: What?

Simon looks over from covering the alley.

Natalie: Anklets! How tacky is that?
William: Eh?
Natalie: Go for the anklets!
William: But they don't have antlers!
Natalie: No! Anklet! Ankle bracelet! Tacky! And in this case magical!

William nods, raises his axe and cuts the second vampire's foot off. He is flung forwards, William dives out of the way and he crashes into a wall and explodes.

Charlotte whistles.

Charlotte: Good thing you hit the right leg.


Amanda: The wise elder of the group has taken on more of a combat role than, say...

She glances from William to Simon as she talks to the tourists.

Amanda: ... the distant brooding warrior who doesn't express his feelings...


Natalie swings her hand axe at the feet of the vampire facing her, and he jumps over her swipe.

Simon lunges at him and kicks him in the shins. Something breaks and the vamp tumbles away, trying to grab the wall of the river. Natalie shoots him through the heart.


Milli looks down from the bridge.

Milli: (mumbling) Ankle bracelets are out? Quite liked them... I mean, I never got one or anything...

She vaults over the guardrail, swings around the umbrella stand of a café table and beheads the vampire forcing Andy's bat down across his throat.

Andy: Bloody bat's useless.
Milli: Sorry, but...

Amanda holds out a hat for donations to the different groups of tourists all crowding around.

Amanda: As you can see, the only people actually here are our heroes. The monsters were filmed earlier and projected onto suitable surfaces. Here we see the princess -

Natalie preens.

Amanda: - who learned to fight for herself after all her knights deserted her.

Natalie scowls.

Simon: Yeah, where is Matthew?
Andy: Do you care?
Simon: I like to keep him where I can see him.

William shakes his head and picks up the anklet from the dust inside the vampire's shoe.

William: Hmm.

He looks around as a group of backpackers take out their cameras.

Milli sheathes her sword irritably.

Milli: Bloody tourists...


Craig Oxbrow

Ah, y'know. This guy.
Validated User
The Watch House Season Seven, Episode Two, Act One

The group wait for an open-topped tour bus to go by as they carry on.

Amanda: So, ah, why were the vampires flying like that? You know, smashing into things and dying?
Natalie: Because of the Shield.
William: Mystical energy barrier that keeps vampires and some kinds of demons out.
Andy: Just not that many.
William: And they were getting around it by wearing these...

He holds up the anklet.

Natalie: They're usually necklaces.
Milli: It's always usually necklaces.
Natalie: Looks like the chain's new.
Andy: When was the last time we saw these?
Milli: (quietly) Victoria.

Natalie looks sidelong at her. She shrugs.

Milli: One of her little plans to take over the world.
Andy: Oh yeah. But, hey, didn't you say Victoria had a soul or something?
Milli: (flatly) Yeah. Doesn't mean her whole supply disappeared.
Natalie: Sullivan?
Milli: I did tell him not to.
Amanda: (intrigued) The artefact dealer?
Natalie: (suspicious) The illegal and dangerous artefact dealer.
Amanda: Yes, that's the one. So should we phone him?
Milli: Or kick the door down and storm in.

Andy shrugs.

Andy: I thought he was trying to avoid that whole beat-up-for-information thing.
Milli: I think he secretly likes it.
Charlotte: Not really secretly.
William: Could be he gave the vampires these so you'd go and beat him up.
Milli: But...

She looks slightly queasy.

Milli: ... What if I beat him up, and... he...
Natalie: Well, we could do it subtly.


And cut to Milli and Natalie at Sullivan's door, as Milli raises her foot for a kick.

Natalie: Sure about that?
Milli: Well... I suppose there's knocking.
Natalie: He'd never suspect it was you then.

Milli nods slightly and knocks.

Sullivan opens the door, pulling on a T-shirt.

Milli and Natalie look at him for a moment.

Sullivan: ... Yes?
Milli: Erm... Oh yeah.

She raises the anklet, putting it between herself and him like a cross to a vampire.

Milli: Vampires. With the having these.
Sullivan: Oh, right.
Natalie: So we thought we'd come in and look around.

She pushes past him. He goes to follow.

Milli: (loudly) So, how've you been?
Sullivan: Oh, y'know. Keeping out of trouble. How was -
Milli: It was good. Not a lot of... scenery.


Natalie looks through drawers and boxes, then picks up a round amulet lying on the bedside table.


Sullivan looks towards the bedroom.

Milli: Seen... any films? Lately?
Sullivan: ... Yes.
Milli: Right then. Erm... oh, hey, when did you last see these?
Sullivan: Round about the time you told me to stop selling them on pain of death.
Milli: Uh-huh. And yet...
Sullivan: Well, I can't control the secondary market, can I?
Milli: Well, when I said to stop selling them, I actually meant stop anyone selling them.

Her hand casually goes to the hilt of her sword, sticking out of her backpack.

Milli: Make sure they never make it to market again.
Sullivan: Well, since you put it like that... there's a silversmith in town.

He backs away towards the telephone table and scribbles an address on a notepad.

Milli: See? It's so much easier when I don't have to beat it out of you.

Sullivan nods thoughtfully. Milli frowns uncomfortably and clears her throat.

Milli: Natalie? Are you done?

Natalie steps out, still holding the amulet.

Natalie: What's this? Something you were working on?
Sullivan: Something I got from that silversmith, in point of fact. It repels Cydarakin demon warriors.
Natalie: Which are...?
Sullivan: Demon warriors from Cydarka.
Natalie: ...
Milli: Which is where?
Sullivan: Nearest dimensional overlap's in Holland.
Natalie: Aw, don't really want that...
Milli: Dutch demon warriors?
Sullivan: Yeah, who'd a' thunk it...
Natalie: (suspiciously) You're being helpful tonight.
Sullivan: Favourite customer and all.
Milli: And he doesn't wanna get beaten up.

Sullivan looks away and acts casual.

Natalie pointedly brushes against him and pats him on the arm.

Natalie: Oh, now, you have to explain what I just saw.
Sullivan: Uh... right, er, well...
Natalie: Don't play with me...

Sullivan looks flustered.

Sullivan: Well, er... you might wanna hang on to that.

He points to the amulet.

Natalie: Is that all?
Sullivan: ... Yeah...
Milli: Right. Thank you.

She leads the way outside. Sullivan glares at the door.


Natalie: Oh my God did you see that?
Milli: You had a vision?
Natalie: No! I totally faked it!

Natalie grins. Milli blinks.

Milli: You what?
Natalie: Totally bluffed it, and look, free stuff!
Milli: (flatly) So, like the time you faked a vision to make me wear a dress and go to a party.
Natalie: Er... well, but look, free stuff...

Milli shakes her head disapprovingly.

Natalie: Anyway, it's been months since I've had a real vision -


And cut to a dark-haired girl running through narrow streets pursued by figures in black robes wielding curved ritual daggers.


And to Natalie blinking and backing up, raising her hands defensively.

Milli: ... What?

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