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[Etiquette] What to do if the host doesn't want to play

rgalex

New member
Banned
Recently one of the players in my group has offered to run a game. This is great because our games are nearly always run by the same 2 people (myself and another guy) and it's nice for us to have a break. This isn't the first time this guy has GMed and he's been gaming long enough that he knows what he's doing, he just doesn't get inspired to run very often.

So, what's the problem? Well, he has picked a game I have absolutely no interest in (Vampire the Requiem if you must know). Now, I know I have no interest because I've read some of the books and it really did just fail to spark any interest in it. I've heard his idea for the campaign and it's not changing my mind. So again, what's the problem, "just excuse yourself and sit this one out," you might say. I have no problem doing that part.

The hard part is that the group meets at my house to play every weekend. We do this because it's the only place we have that is large enough for all of us. So if I'm sitting out do I let them come over anyway, basically tying up my place for something I have no interest in leaving me still hosting when I could be doing other things? Is there a way to say "Hey, I'm not playing and oh, by the way you can't use my place," without looking like I'm taking my ball and going home?
 

Myth

Southern Mane
RPGnet Member
Validated User
There is no mystic phrase you can say that will resolve this without the need for actual conversation.

Talk to the GM. Explain to him what you explained to us. Then listen.
 

Lord Apathy

Chicken Soft THAC0
Validated User
1. "Guys, I'm not feeling this game, so I don't think I'll play. Sorry. I'm going to go see a movie with <insert name here> that night. You guys have fun!"
2. Then go out and see a movie or something on that night. Be out that night for a couple of weeks.
3. If they want to talk about the fact that they play at your house, you just have to tell them that you can't host on nights you're not playing.

All the advice in the world is probably not going to stop someone from feeling bitter over some aspect of this situation.
 

DocTheWeasel

Covert in plain sight
Validated User
You would be taking your ball and going home, so it would be hard to mask that.

You could just go along with it. I have been in many games that I didn't have initial interest in, but still had fun because I was spending time with a group of friends. Often I start to enjoy the game despite myself. (I'm in a Pathfinder game right now where that is the case. I love *this* game, but ask me to play Pathfinder again and I'll decline).

Otherwise, you are saying to them that if they want to game with you (and by extension, game at all) then they have to cater to you.

If you had actually been playing the game for a few sessions and found that you hate it, it would be a different story. Shutting everything down because of something that you think you won't like isn't really fair to your friends.
 

Crakkerjakk

Registered User
Validated User
I think it's perfectly reasonable to say that you aren't going to host if you aren't playing. No need to be a dick about it or anything, but just telling them that this game is really not a game you feel like participating in should be enough, IMO. There are enough other games in the world that you refusing to play Vampire is not a roadblock to their fun. Unless there's only one game that you're willing to play, and even then it's still your place.

Anywho. My advice, talk to the guy GMing. Say you're really not feeling this system, and ask if there's any other alternatives. There really shouldn't be any expectation on everyone else's part to use your house for an activity in which you're not participating.
 

rgalex

New member
Banned
You would be taking your ball and going home, so it would be hard to mask that.

You could just go along with it. I have been in many games that I didn't have initial interest in, but still had fun because I was spending time with a group of friends. Often I start to enjoy the game despite myself. (I'm in a Pathfinder game right now where that is the case. I love *this* game, but ask me to play Pathfinder again and I'll decline).

Otherwise, you are saying to them that if they want to game with you (and by extension, game at all) then they have to cater to you.

If you had actually been playing the game for a few sessions and found that you hate it, it would be a different story. Shutting everything down because of something that you think you won't like isn't really fair to your friends.
This is kinda where I'm at atm. I don't want to stop them from playing because they all seem excited about it and I'd feel bad for forcing them to not play because of me. At the same time.... no gaming is better than bad gaming right? If I know I'm not interested do I really want to fake it for 6 months to a year?

Almost all of them at some point has opted out of one of our games, but since it's not their place we're playing at it never stopped anything. That's where this is throwing me. I mean, I'm not doing anything they haven't done themselves but the crutch is that when I do it it becomes a Big Deal™.
 

Tark

Da ork dats muckin about.
There is no easy answer.

REally the best thign you can do is try to convince the GM to try a game that you are interested in.

If that doesn't work just suggest they play somewhere else and (heres the important part) help them find one. That way you're trying to solve both sides problems. You obviously can't have people hanging out at your house unless you really want to hang out with them, but that's kind of difficult with them playing a game.

Finally, let them do it. You migh find after listening in to a couple of sessions that you change your mind based simply on hearing the game. I know I had absolutely no interest in Exalted as a game until I actually heard a session being played. Now I'm probably one of its biggest fans. So let them play, they're still your friends.
 

Imaginos

the one you warned me of
Validated User
Since this hasn't been tossed out to the group yet, are you sure this isn't just a big deal "in your own head"? If these folks are your friends, I doubt you'd have bad fallout for this. Just be honest and up front.

I think it would be worse to start the game, then end it and tell everyone that they can't game at your place. That, to me, sounds a lot more of the "taking your ball and going home" viewpoint. As is, you are being upfront and honest, saying "I don't dig the game itself, despite the campaign you have proposed. I enjoy gaming with you guys, but don't want to drag you down if I am not having fun. I'd rather just sit out on this one. Is there any chance someone else can host, because I'll take the time to do other things / work on xxxx."
 

Gilbetron

cried twice in his life
Validated User
"Hey guys, the proposed game doesn't really interest me much and since we play at my house that poses a problem. To resolve it we have some options. First, I could try playing and see if I get into it, with the understanding I might not. Second, you guys can meet somewhere else. Third, you can meet here if there's no other place to play, with the understanding that if the logistics don't work for me I might have to ask you guys to stop. Fourth, we can try playing something else. Sorry for the hassle, but I wanted to be upfront about this!"

In other words, be an adult and forthright about it!
 

FruitSmack

Active member
Validated User
But! But! The Ghost Toddler in your house will make a perfect back drop for a WW game!

(I have nothing to add other than I occasionally game with rgalex and co. and have, in fact, been creeped out by the Ghost Toddler that occupies his house.)

aaron
 
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