Funniest lines in fanfic

cliffc999

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Because I'm bored and why not. :)

I'll start off with a random one from Rorschach's "Odd Ideas" collection of Harry Potter omake, which only has about ten billion candidates for this thread.

"I can't wait till we get out of this place and can start our careers. Maybe something safe, like treasure hunting or spell research," Harry sighed.

"Those are two of the ten most dangerous jobs in the world, Harry," Hermione pointed out.

"More dangerous than our time at Hogwarts so far?" Ron demanded.

"I withdraw my objections," Hermione said primly. "After we graduate, we all become treasure hunting spell researchers. Agreed?"

"Agreed," the boys chorused.
 

Stryke

Bang and a Boom
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Can we nominate one or two from our own fics :p

If not;

“Do... do we have to?” Fluttershy asked. “I mean, why can’t we just let her keep writing? Maybe she’ll get better on her own.”
Rarity pulled out another page at random from the pile. “‘Yes!’ Evening Glimmer cried. ‘Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Yesssss! Yes.’”
Fluttershy sat in thoughtful silence for a while. Rarity started to reach for another page.
“Fine,” Fluttershy said, before Rarity could start reading. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”
from the wonderfully funny Naked Singularity and it gets even better from there :D
 
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mindstalk

Does the math.
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"the only order I have for you is to consider yourself free from any obligation you feel you have to me, and to go into the world and pursue the life you want to pursue"

Taking these orders into consideration, I took thirty-seven seconds to determine what sort of life I wanted to pursue.

Having determined that the life I wanted to pursue was one in which I was given less nebulous mission objectives--

***

"Nobody in these cells has any need or any right to order you to do anything. You are free."

Ah.

I considered this.

"As a free being, I therefore have the right to request that I be given orders." I said, satisfied with this logical conclusion.

***

"I am able to think for myself." I said, because it was true. "I think for myself often. Recently, thought for myself that I should request I be given orders."

***

Given that some of those living in this home would have little reason to welcome me warmly, I elected to begin my new residence in a considerate manner. Ringing the doorbell at this late hour would wake the entire household, and would be considered rude. I instead elected to be considerate and enter the building quietly and without disturbing anyone, as a show of good faith. I was able to accomplish this relatively easily by picking the lock on the front door and severing the power source for the on-site alarm system.

Yes, I thought in satisfaction. This will clearly show all involved that I mean no harm.
From "Ready, Sette, Go".
 

mindstalk

Does the math.
Validated User
"To the Stars" has some funny ones but it's too big for me to look for them. I'm thinking of one where two chars are discussing the meaning and subtlety of divine visions, and one points out roughly "I think we're overthinking this. The Goddess told your girlfriend to ask you for sex, in so many words. If she wants to be direct, she can."
 

Stryke

Bang and a Boom
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Ah, just realised that Cliffc can't actually answer my question now...
 
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acksed

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Ricochet is a Naruto High-school AU. It would be hackneyed, were it not for later chapters explaining the premise, and writing like this:
"Naruto Uzumaki," Kakashi-sensei called out, and Naruto tore his attention away.

"Sensei, are they feeding you?" he blurted, honestly concerned. "And what's with the mask? Is there some horrible disease eating your face? Should we be running?"

"That's charming," Kakashi-sensei replied, his happy eye curves curling even further upward. "You're a special snowflake, I can tell."

"I can call someone," Naruto continued solemnly. "I have all of the numbers. My mom gave them to me, because she said if I ever go radioactive, she doesn't want to deal with that shit."

Naruto heard the faint thwack of Sakura's face hitting the surface of her desk. Around him, kids either laughed nervously, because they thought he was kidding, or shifted helplessly in their seats, because maybe they'd heard about his mom and knew that he totally wasn't.
The entire fic is like this; it's kind of magical. :D
 
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