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Gaming as a Girl

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Femme Firebird

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I'm the spouse in question, and I can tell you this: That was a stupid way for me to frame and handle the situation, and had plenty to do with me buying in to the "GM's girlfriend" trope.

....

You see: I can learn from my fuckups, and I do.

Finaira wants to give everyone else a chance to learn from those fuckups - both mine and those of others -and present how they shaped her views?

Then I advise folks to listen; I'd have learned more, faster, if I had listened better, sooner.
Ahh, Finaira, you are a lucky woman! I'm totally gay, but Levi's awesome. ;)

Keep up the learning and gaming, you two. Things can always improve!
 

Old Geezer

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When somebody treats you badly in a game because you're female, the first thing to do is ask yourself if they have good stuff.
 

Futurella

Social Justice Witch
Validated User
I have found these issues tend to fade away so long as you keep the group 1/2 girls or higher.
 

Old Geezer

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The very first time I played D&D there was a young woman present.

Neither Gary nor her boyfriend tried to tell her what to do or how to play, either. And when it came time to determine what each of us did, Gary asked us one by one, and nobody else spoke when it was your turn.

I still referee that way. And yes, I've said "Shut up, it's her turn," many, many times over the years.

Now that I only game with a group of friends (including 4 wives and two daughters) it's a lot easier. That plus there's enough familiarity that the women are perfectly capable and willing to tell somebody to shut the fuck up, and everybody else will back them.
 

Finaira

Totally a MAD scientist!
Validated User
I have found these issues tend to fade away so long as you keep the group 1/2 girls or higher.
Actually, yes, it does tend to help. Not with everything, mind you. I still find that men don't notice that they are talking over women regardless of how many women there are.
 

Springaldjack

Mothman Analogue Diogenes
If gaming with your husband is causing all sorts of interpersonal havoc, probably best to avoid gaming with your husband.
That doesn't seem to actually be the source of the trouble in Finiara's anecdotes. To further elaborate, I submit that if you think that one spouse should not be allowed to play in a game where the other is GMing, you have a problematic understanding of marital relationships, GMing, or both.
 

Iralith

Registered User
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. . . and had plenty to do with me buying in to the "GM's girlfriend" trope.
I think it's really easy to do--this stuff is pretty deeply ingrained in our culture. I've seen it happen and not happen; I've seen it sneak up on some people and be avoided by others with seeming effortlessness. I don't think the difference is that the former people (e.g., you) are immature or that the latter people are awesome.

The talking-over-women thing that Finaira notes, and relatedly the the-world-of-women-is-waiting-for-my-dispassionate-male-objective-assessment-and-explanation thing . . . these are dreadfully pervasive in and out of gaming.
 
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kagechikara

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Validated User
Ah, yes, I see the scrambling to point out how this has nothing to do with gender has already begun. Thank you for sharing this, Finaira and serious vibes on that whole situation. I think these kinds of stories need to be shared so people will realize that there are still groups and barriers to women playing and there's a reason there aren't as many women in the hobby. And it has absolutely nothing to do with women not enjoying roleplaying.

When somebody treats you badly in a game because you're female, the first thing to do is ask yourself if they have good stuff.
Old Geezer is extremely wise.
 

Springaldjack

Mothman Analogue Diogenes
I think these kinds of stories need to be shared so people will realize that there are still groups and barriers to women playing and there's a reason there aren't as many women in the hobby. And it has absolutely nothing to do with women not enjoying roleplaying.
Agreed, although I think there are also other factors, that are more extrinsic to the hobby itself, that are present.
 
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