homebrew feedback

hilador

Registered User
Validated User
#1
This is my (very) rough draft of a system I have been working on. I don't think it is quite ready to play test but I am hoping somebody on here may have ideas to expand what I have.

I am looking for more skills that are used frequently in a fantasy setting to fill mine out and possibly some more ideas for modifiers.
If you see any glaring game breakers please let me know and maybe give an idea on what rules my help to close the exploit.

thanks in advance for any help.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1I5HvOneU4dMyNdB2JDMRsjsjg4r2Xl0wJAjOE3fVWUo/edit?usp=sharing
 

John Out West

Registered User
Validated User
#2
Hey Hilador,

I'm trying to build Karma, so I'll help. I've read it over and found some things.

First Impressions:
This game feels similar to Burning Wheel system.

Pg6: Playing the Game:
This should be page 3. I need to know how to play the game before anything else. Nothing in Pg3 made sense until I read pg6. I would go over the introduction again, and this time having the most basic/crucial information first, and slowly unveil more info. Conveying the core rules of any game is actually really hard when you start from scratch, so I would put a lot of effort into these first three pages that explains the rules of the game.

Pg3: Health
You mentioned health die which is a good concept, however, you don't say how you get it back except for magical healing. I'm assuming an 8 hour rest will restore it.
This system is also quite brutal. It looks like you can die extremely easily.
Dual Wielding seems out of place for this early of a section. I would suggest moving it to the combat section.

Pg4: Magic
There's something to be said for simple systems, but the magic guidelines don't tell me as a GM or as a Player what can be done, or what the cost of something would be.
Can I heal my entire party at once? What would be the DC for that Spell? How many points does it heal? Will I become exhausted? Can i add on an attack to all the enemies I can see?
I would go back to the drawing board with this one.

Pg9: Attacking/Defending
System seems like it has too many steps.
Step 1: Attacker Rolls
Step 2: Defender Parries (Because why not always parry)
Step 3: Defender Blocks (Minus Health Modifiers)
Step 4: Compare Defensive success Vs Offensive Success
Step 5: Remove 1 point of HP for each Offensive Success over Defensive.
I would go back to the drawing board with this one. Most systems have only two steps:
Step 1: Attack Rolls to beat AC
Step 2: Roll Damage and subtract health

pg13: Character Classes
From what I can tell, your classes are essentially:
Retiarius - Fighter
Assassin - Monk
Zealot - Paladin
Savant - Elementalist
Shaman - Druid
I would suggest going back to the drawing board to make classes that are specific to this game, otherwise they're going to fall into a stereotype. What i generally do is find a part of the game's system i want to explore and creating a class that has unique rules for that system, such as Wild Dice, Exploding Dice, Hidden Dice, etc.

Pg18: General Skills
I might suggest having fewer skills that are more general. Some skills that could merge: Traps and Perception, Tracking and Investigation, Triage and Herbalism/Alchemy/Artificing.


Pg20: Advancing your character:
The idea of increasing your skills through failure is one I've seen done before, and is extremely exploitable. It leads to characters making frivolous checks in order to gain failures, constantly doing superfluous back-flips, climbing everything, and picking every door lock. It also means that if i'm "Lucky," I wont gain a Skill that is important to my character. "I aced every lock in the first ten quests, and now i cant pick a lock to save my life!"
I would go back to the drawing board with this one.

Okay, I hope that helps. As for more general advice, I'd say its easy to fall into a trap and accidentally create a Mod of a different game instead of making your own unique game. Nothing wrong with making mods, but if you're trying to make something that is uniquely yours, I would go back to the base mechanics and make something you've never played before. That's how I ended up making Westbound.

I'm also trying to get feedback on my crafting material, which you could look at if you feel like returning the favor.

Merry Christmas
 

hilador

Registered User
Validated User
#3
Thanks for the feedback, the cooperative play of burning wheel was an inspiration but that system seemed over complicated. My goal was to try to get away from set classes by allowing players to combine different ways of fighting while also getting away from physical strength and weapon determining damage by using character skill in the weapon instead.
Magic was intended to be more freeform allowing players to create effects suited to whatever situation they were in while traditional "spells" seem to make things too rigid.
While I guess it was ok for a first attempt I really missed the mark on this one.
 

John Out West

Registered User
Validated User
#4
The first draft is always rough, which is why you always need other people to look at it. I send people paragraphs and pages every day to see if they make sense.
Just keep tweaking and refining; Rome wasn't built in a day!
 

eeldip

Registered User
Validated User
#5
seems very combat centric. i think it might be nice to add some mechanical novelty to the combat if that is so. its complex, but doesn't really feel very separated from the pack in terms of mechanics.

i like the core idea of fighters from different styles facing each other, and characters being able to fight in multiple styles, but at different capabilities. i've always been fascinated by that core idea in MMA fighting--- i wonder who would win, a greco roman wrestler or a karate champ? that sort of stuff. looking at your system, these different fighting styles seem to just bring different modifiers. it would be cool if it was somehow more than that, something more dynamic... so for example, a very weak fighter could take down someone strong by just fighting them in the *right way*.
 

hilador

Registered User
Validated User
#6
I started with combat because quite frankly most of the groups I have ran with were more about the combat than the social aspects. I figured it was best to start where I was familiar and then work into the social stuff to round it out. The idea of giving the combat style both strengths and weaknesses is interesting and I will definitely give that some thought.
 

hilador

Registered User
Validated User
#7
Here is the latest version. Made several changes to the combat system and fleshed out my ideas for magic better. The layout should be quite a bit better but the intro is a work in progress. General skills I am still working on so no changes there as of yet.
John, your original post lead to a lot of these changes and I thank you for the honest opinion, as far as looking at your crafting material I wasn't able to get the file to open on my computer (probably need to update my reader). I did go and look at what you did with Westbound and that helped me a great deal in understanding the direction I need to be heading with layout.
Mainly looking to see if I made forward progress with combat and magic at this point so I can nail down mechanics.
 

hilador

Registered User
Validated User
#8
Here is the latest version. Made several changes to the combat system and fleshed out my ideas for magic better. The layout should be quite a bit better but the intro is a work in progress. General skills I am still working on so no changes there as of yet.
John, your original post lead to a lot of these changes and I thank you for the honest opinion, as far as looking at your crafting material I wasn't able to get the file to open on my computer (probably need to update my reader). I did go and look at what you did with Westbound and that helped me a great deal in understanding the direction I need to be heading with layout.
Mainly looking to see if I made forward progress with combat and magic at this point so I can nail down mechanics.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wr_SFSfhGBE8IaT8xbL-i0mNZXovdUZMnGKtxikEI24/edit?usp=sharing
 
Top Bottom