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[In Which I Watch] Sailor Moon

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Cartoon Poet
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Episode #29: Total Chaos! The Messy Square Relationship.

I count a lot more points in this show than four, so that's one messy square.

• Okay, seriously, who the hell directed this one? Way too much super-deformed comedy for my taste. :p

• CLOSE UP ON: Leaves.
Radio: "And now the weather: 10% chance of rain."
Makoto: "WET!" /runs.
Makoto trips over Motoki!
Motoki: "Sorry!"
Makoto: "If saying 'sorry' solved problems, we wouldn't need police!"
Makoto /realizes it's him, the boy who sounds like the boy who broke her heart.
Motoki /waves hand in frnt of her face. "Hello? I thought I was lost in thought. Here, let me walk you wherever you're going."
Makoto /BLISS.
Motoki: "Er… I hear you're a good cook."
Makoto /cunningly wrangles an invite to cook him dinner sometime.
And just as suddenly, the rain stops!
Motoki: "Gotta go."
Makoto: "Darn!" /but leaves happy.

• ENTER THE GIRLFRIEND: Reika, a good-looking brunette with decent taste.
Reika: "Oo, she was cute. Is that the 'little girlfriend' Mamoru mentioned? Bunny, something?"
Motoki /starts a vigorous denial.
Reika: "I'm kidding! Just a little humor, to try to lighten the mood of our ROMANCE IN PERIL." /single tear.
Motoki: "It's a very important decision. Take all the time you need."
Mamoru /just happens by. "Important? Should I step aside?"
Reika: "I'm sorry to have to cancel our date, love. Mamoru, take him to tea or something, will you? In my place."

• AND SO, TEA OR SOMETHING. I'll leave the location of this conversation provocatively ambiguous.
Motoki: "Cigarette?"
Mamoru: "Yes, it is."
Motoki: "…The problem is, Reika's grad work in paleomicrobiology may take her to Africa."
Mamoru: "And you don't wanna say 'no' to her career, but you don't wanna let her go, either."
Motoki: "Right. On a completely unrelated subject, Makoto talked me into letting her make dinner Sunday, you wanna come over?"
Mamoru: "Makoto? Oh, one of weird Usagi's weird friends. …You do know how those girls feel about you, right?"
Motoki: "Oh, I think they're wonderful girls."
Mamoru: "Oh-ho, do you now?"
Motoki: "Not like that. I mean, they're both still in middle school. And that'd be kind of creepy, wouldn't it? A college student dating a middle schooler?"
Mamoru /suddenly feels very dirty.
Motoki: "They're like little sisters to me."

• THE NEXT DAY! Motoki's apartment.
Makoto /lets herself in!
Motoki /hastily zips up. "Uh, hello?!"
Makoto: "Good GOD is it a mess in here. I've got my work cut out for me. Can't cook in a messy apartment!"
Motoki: "Really, you don't have to–"
<< Apartment Mess is slain! >>
Makoto /picks up a photograph. "Please tell me this girl you're with in this picture is your sister, your cousin, or dead."
Motoki: "But those would be lies, because it's my girlfriend who is alive and whom I love."
Makoto /dies and suffers the thousand Chinese Hells.

• CUT TO: School.
Makoto: "SIGH."
Luna /CAT SCRATCH. "Rare to see you looking down."
Usagi /materializes from behind Makoto: "Did someone break your heart again?"
Makoto /exercises enormous restraint and only punches the tree beside Usagi, instead of Usagi.
Luna /looks at the uprooted tree and howls.
Makoto: "Sorry!" /picks up the tree and replants it.
Usagi: "So am I! But don't worry about a thing. Yours Truly, the Mistress of Luuuuuuuuv, is here to listen to all your problems. Who's the guy who doesn't know how lucky he is?"
Makoto: "Motoki, the Video Arcade Operator."
Usagi /dies and suffers the thousand Chinese Hells.
Usagi /cries. "You poaching bitch!"
Makoto: "But I thought you liked Tuxedo Mask!"
Usagi: "I do!"
Makoto: "So leave some for the rest of us!"
Usagi: "Wait, if Motoki shot you down, that could mean–"
Makoto: "Her name's Reika, she's a grad student, and she's fikkin' gorgeous."
Usagi: "Clearly, I have no option but to kill myself."
Makoto: "No! Pull yourself together! We just keep trying! Together!"
Usagi: "Yes, together, no one can stop us!"
Makoto and Usagi /holding hands, flower blossoms, fireworks, etc.
Luna: "I notice that no one has suggested asking the man what he thinks."

Makoto: "No hard feelings, no matter which of us wins?"
Usagi: "Promise. I suggest we go in reverse height order."
Mamoru: "So I go last? That's no fair."
Usagi /?!
Makoto /!?
Mamoru: "Look, kids, take my advice and forget about Motoki. He told me himself he thinks of you as his kid sisters. If you don't believe me, ask him."
Usagi: "WELL I WILL, thank you very much! And don't call me Dumpling-Head!"
Mamoru: "…I haven't been!"

Usagi: "Motoki!"
Scruffy Video Arcade Operator: "Dude, like, he's off today."
Usagi: "Frell!"

Mamoru: "Wait, you know he's serious about Reika, but you're still pursuing him?"
Makoto: "Hope springs eternal! She might move out of the country or die or something."
Mamoru: "Well, her work might do that, but I don't–"
Makoto /grabs Mamoru. "She might?! TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW! SPEAK!" /slaps Mamoru around for information.
Mamoru /K.O.

• LENG: A planning session at Kunzite's private cave.
O dark crystal shard, spin, spin, spin! Tell us the mortal the next one is in! And the victim of today's story is… who else? Reika the Grad-Level Researcher in Paleomicrobiology.

Kunzite: "She's quite beautiful."
Zoisite /sniff. "I don't know you any more."
Kunzite /conjures a rose for Zoisite, his favorite variety. "Jealousy does not suit such a beautiful face."
Zoisite /takes a little convincing. But it's the fun kind, so Kunzite doesn't mind.

Incidentally, what does it say when one of the more stable relationships in the show seems to be two of the villains? But of course, you say, that's because most of the cast are teenagers! Good point. Never mind.

• THAT NIGHT: Azabu Tech! Hail to thee, Azabu U., thy marbled learning halls…
Makoto: "Now, should I just break her legs, or talk to her? Oh, I suppose I should talk, I'm one of the good guys, after all. And beating Mamoru up didn't help me anyway."
Reika /knocking off for the night. "Hey, you're whats-her-name, Motoki's friend. You want to ask me something?"
Makoto: "Are you, or are you not, planning to go to Africa for your studies?"
Reika: "I… I don't know."
Reika /babbles on for several minutes about her thesis, the professor, her feelings for Motoki, and various other subjects.
Reika: "I'd stay if Motoki would tell me to."
Makoto /righteous indignation. "WHAT?! Are you a woman or a mouse?! CHOOSE YOUR OWN PATH! Wait, I forget what point-of-view I was supposed to be arguing, here."
Reika: "Uh, thank you anyway, whatever-your-name-is."

Makoto: "I know we said together, but you don't have to come help me cook dinner for him."
Usagi: "Yes I do! Ah, Motoki…"
Usagi /is swept up in a glorious sensurround daydream of Motoki proposing to Usagi.
Usagi /holds her crush close.
Usagi /closes her eyes.
Usagi /moves in for the kiss. Closer. Closer.
Makoto: "You're just vividly fantasizing about Motoki, right?"
Usagi: "Motoki who? Oh! Sorry." /lets Makoto go.

Usagi: "I didn't know you were Jewish!"
Motoki /?
Makoto: "I knew. I'd seen when I came over earlier."
Usagi: "Well, not all of us had the opportunity to see the big sign on the door that reads 'Kohan.'"
Motoki: "Actually, it's Cohan, it's just tricky to render in 'kana. I'm half-Irish. Which explains my blond hair and sunny personality." ;)
Makoto: "But, wait, isn't Kohan also a valid Japanese surname?"
Usagi /Subject Changing Prana! "It's so clean in here! Just like I always imagined."
Makoto: "…"
Makoto: "Let's get on with the cooking scene."
Usagi: "Did I forget to mention that I don't actually know how to cook?"

• SUDDENLY! The telephone rings.
Motoki: "Hello? Reika? I can't hear you, there's a truck– hello? Oh? Okay, I'll be right there!" /hangs up. "Uh… can you two watch the place while I'm gone?"
{Motoki has left the scene.}
Usagi: "See, he does love me best. No one else trusts me to watch stuff!"

Makoto: "I think we've been stood up."
{Usagi's wand is tinkling!}
Usagi: "Or worse!"
Luna /breaks down window. "Yo! Sailor Signal!"
Usagi: "All right! Let's go kick Motoki's ass!"
Makoto: "Or what's-her-name's!"
Usagi: "Because given the odds, it's one or the other of them!"

Usagi into Sailor Moon: 28
Usagi into Disguise Form: 7
Ami into Sailor Mercury: 9
Rei into Sailor Mars: 6
Mamoru into Tuxedo Mask: 1
Makoto into Sailor Jupiter: 2

• CUT TO: That conveniently-isolated construction site again.
<< Zoisite casts Fucking Fireballs! >>
Motoki: "Reika, get behind me!"
Zoisite: "I don't think you quite comprehend the level of power you're dealing with–"
<< Motoki punches Zoisite! >>
<< Zoisite charges his lazor! >>
<< Zoisite shoops Motoki's woop. >>
<< Motoki is down! >>
Zoisite: "Cute boy, but not very bright. Okay, monster, come out."
Reika: "Me?"
Zoisite: "You."

The Blue Crystal is ripped from her heart!
Reika transforms into Rikokayder, a green-skinned punk dressed with typical youma disregard for temperature or fashion. She is also wearing a monocle.

• TADA! But wait!
Usagi /bursts in, dramatically. "2 SABiF LF SFoM w/GSOH!"
Makoto /bursts in, dramatically. "Likewise!"
Zoisite: "Well, you're looking in the wrong place tonight! Go get 'em, whatever your name is!"
Rikokayder: "Girls who don't have boyfriends are nothing!"
Makoto: "Oh yeah? What about girls who want girlfriends?"
Usagi: "Around here, I thought that was assumed."
Rikokayder: "Enough talk! Have at you!"

<< Rikokayder throws acid grenades! >>
Usagi: "Grenades?! Like, physical grenades, not magic bolts?!"
Makoto /daring last-moment SAVE!
<< Grenades explode all over! >>
Usagi: "Whoa."

Zoisite: "Now I have a crystal! Ho ho ho!"
Zoisite drops the Blue Crystal!
Mamoru: "And now you don't! You know, you don't really have to extract the crystal painfully, do you?"
Zoisite: "You do if the target is tempting your boyfriend to switch."
Mamoru: "You should have more trust in him."
Zoisite: "Confuse me not with your strange Earth nonsense-words! En garde!"

Usagi /BLISS. "Oh, Tuxedo Mask…"
Makoto: "What about Motoki?"
Usagi: "Motoki who? Oh, I'm sure he's fine."
<< Rikokayder summons Protist! >>
Usagi: "I don't see anything."
Rikokayder: "Put on these goggles."
Usagi /puts on the goggles.
Usagi /looks around.
Usagi /starts screaming. "THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! AAAAAHHHH!"
<< Protist are slain! >>
<< Goggles are destroyed! >>
<< Rikokayder uses Leidenflask! Lightning absorbed. >>
Makoto: "Uh-oh."
<< Rikokayder casts Thunderga! >>
<< Usagi takes damage! >>
<< Makoto takes half damage! >>

<< Rikorayder is confused! >>
Rei: "¿Do you know how long it took us to find you two?!"
<< Leidenflask is destroyed! >>
Rei: "¿So what were you doing with her?"
Usagi: "Why do you care?"
Rei: "Come on, just do your thing already."
Usagi: "I don't take orders from you!"
Rei: "Oh, that's right, you give orders. You get Mako-chan carry you around."
Ami: "Guys? Not the time."
<< Rikokayder reverts to Reika! >>

Tuxedo Mask and Zoisite look up from their battle, panting, surrounded by smoking craters.
Mamoru: "Looks like they've finished their fight."
Zoisite: "…Looks like I lose. You can have the crystal." /points down.
Mamoru /looks down.
Zoisite /kicks his nose. "PSYCH!" /waves the Blue Crystal in Mamoru's face!
{Zoisite has left the scene.}
Mamoru: "GAH. My nothe." /staggers off.

Motoki and Reika do the slow-motion Lassie run toward each other.
Usagi: "I can't look."
Makoto: "Know your enemy."
Luna: "I wonder if they're wondering why it's been taking so long to finish construction work at this site…"
Ami: "Hmm. We've been forgetting to track our XP gain lately. Surely we've levelled up a few times since we last counted…"
Rei: "Face it. You're not getting any new spells for a while."
Ami: "Sigh. Yeah."

• DENOUEMENT: The airport!
Reika: "Say it for me. Please."
Motoki: "If you don't get on that plane now, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. Now, now—here's looking at you, kid."
Intercom: "Flight 762 to Nairobi, now boarding."
Motoki: "I'll wait for you forever!"
{Reika has left the scene.}
Usagi: "I give up."
Makoto: "Then my fingers are crossed for her finding new love overseas!"
Usagi: "No way! I take it back! I don't concede! He's mine!"
Motoki: "Okay, I'm right here."


Cartoon Poet
RPGnet Member
Validated User
Given that it's after midnight, I at first misread this as "Mamoru into Sailor Jupiter: 1." :p
What with Motoki, Mamoru, Makoto, and Yumemi Yumeno—and the cold I'm getting over—I very nearly typed such confusion, several times.

I left in a couple of the typos in this last one, for the hell of it.

Peter Svensson

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It is so weird seeing Anime!Motoki after having just come off of Live Action!Motoki. Such a drastic change. For the better, really, but man. You will FLIP when you get around to watching it.


Unrepentant Froggie
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I just LOVE Live-Action!Motoki (he steals any scene he appears in). It's certainly a drastic change, but then anything's better than the Blandy McBland who appears in the manga and anime.

Those were an okay couple of episodes ; I certainly enjoy Mamoru's increasing presence in the ensemble cast. He's a fun guy to have around.
Spoiler: Show
It's too bad that the chemistry only really works in this season.

Current Rainbow Macguffin count :
Zoisite: 3 ; Tuxedo Mask: 1 ; Sailor Team: 1
Zoisite has taken the lead !

Usagi: "I didn't know you were Jewish!"
Motoki /?
Makoto: "I knew. I'd seen when I came over earlier."
Usagi: "Well, not all of us had the opportunity to see the big sign on the door that reads 'Kohan.'"
Motoki: "Actually, it's Cohan, it's just tricky to render in 'kana. I'm half-Irish. Which explains my blond hair and sunny personality." ;)
Makoto: "But, wait, isn't Kohan also a valid Japanese surname?"
Actually, this is a mistake in the English subtitles, who misread the kanji. Motoki's last name is Furuhata, as confirmed in later seasons.
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Cartoon Poet
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Incidentally, the conspicuous display of a season – autumn – made me think to wonder when exactly the Japanese school year begins. According to Wikipedia, it's April: three terms, with a one-month summer break, and shorter spring and winter breaks.

So if the leaves are starting to turn now (making it September) and we estimate a little less than one week per episode, that puts the start of the series at close to the start of the school year, in April, which makes perfect sense. I love it when this sort of stuff actually adds up.

Just to try to work out the rest, napkin-back estimates:

Not sure how far before series start Sailor V was in operation, but some months I would say. Just long enough to become a public meme, so that an enterprising company could convert a platformer under development into a Sailor V game. ("Merely" a matter of changing the art, which is why Sailor V gets a gun in the game…) Unless the Sailor V game is part of her organization, in which case magic can be invoked to cut this down…

Sailor Moon is recruited in April, at close to the same time that Jadeite initiates full operations. And I assume that Tuxedo Mask's first appearance is at this time.

I'd estimate those were May showers that Mister Amade was standing in, waiting for his lady to notice him… though the rainy season is June, innit?

I'm not sure of the timing for major exams, of course, but Sailor Mercury being recruited down near the end of May seems about right. And Sailor Mars a couple of weeks later. For maximum detail, of course, I should go all astrological and check the planetary orbits. :p

Jadeite gets taken down in June. The airport tarmac was probably still warm that night. Rei starts dating Mamoru a couple of weeks later.

Nephrite starts putting the moves on Naru in July, and the Beach House Mystery episode is also down at the end of summer.

Usagi's first kiss comes a few weeks later.

Nephrite dies in August.

Sailor Jupiter is recruited shortly thereafter.

And that brings us up into late September. I think.

So it's been a busy year, especially for Usagi and Naru.
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Cartoon Poet
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Actually, this is a mistake in the English subtitles, who misread the kanji. Motoki's last name is Furuhata, as confirmed in later seasons.
:D Serves me right for being Japanese illiterate.

"Wait, it's Furuhata now?"
"I changed it. …What?"
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