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[IWIW] Sailor Moon, Part 2!


Registered User
Validated User
This all looks very interesting.

What about Beryl = Mooncat (equivalent)?
well, there is the briefly seen Queen serenity, who wants not only to conquer the earth, but has standing orders to her generals to retrieve her long-lost daughter (serenity's hated of our hero is how he 'seduced' her daughter into liking humanity at large)

Radio Free Ruritania

Validated User
Paging Agatha Heterodyne. Paging Agatha Heterodyne. You have a party waiting for you in the Hall of Sharp-Edged Mirrors.
A teenaged blonde with a talking cat as a mentor, who grew up ignorant of her powers, is occasionally rescued by a hero with a distinctive taste in spectacles, and was first seen by the audience crying about being late. I can't imagine why anyone would think she was an appropriate character to mention in this thread. :D


Retired User
*Comic snip*
Thank you. Thank you, so very much.

A teenaged blonde with a talking cat as a mentor, who grew up ignorant of her powers, is occasionally rescued by a hero with a distinctive taste in spectacles, and was first seen by the audience crying about being late. I can't imagine why anyone would think she was an appropriate character to mention in this thread. :D
.........so when do we get to see Gil's animatronic heat-seeking rose garden?


Cartoon Poet
RPGnet Member
Validated User
Episode #37: Aim to be a Princess? Usagi's Weird Training.

"Hello? Hello?"
"Didn't you hear? We aren't doing this any more."
"But I never got a chance to do one!"

Usagi: "LATE! LATE! LATE!"
Luna: "Have you ever been diagnosed with a sleeping disorder?"
Usagi: "NO TIME! I'M LATE!"
Naru: "I'M LATE!"
Usagi: "It's Naru! High-five!"
Naru: "Other-side!"
Usagi: "Down low!"
Naru: "Too slow!"
Usagi: "You overslept, too?"
Naru: "No, I was doing the homework."
Usagi: "…"
Naru: "You know, the homework."
Usagi: "…"
Naru: "The five essays, the extra math, the– the– Usagi? Usagi?!"
Usagi: "What happened?"
Naru: "You blanked out for a moment there when I said 'homework.'"
Usagi: "Slowly I turn!"

Suddenly! A Rolls-Royce pulls up, and deposits three little maids at the school.

Usagi: "Wow, I didn't realize property values were that high around here."
Naru: "…"
Usagi: "Okay, so I'm just guessing." /spins around to try and catch Umino before he appears.
Naru: "He's out sick. Those are students at the 'Princess Seminar' charm school being held at the estate of Countess Rose, an English noblewoman who's moved to Japan for… uh… um…"
Usagi /hums 'Sophisticated Lady' while she waits.
Naru: "…Frell."
Usagi: "Yes?"
Naru: "I forget why."
/schoolbell rings.
Usagi and Naru: "Oh, shit, WE'RE STILL LATE!"

• IN CLASS: Usagi has a dream sequence. A glittering Christmas Ball, Princess Serenity (looking a couple of years older) being asked to dance by Tuxedo Mask, Princess Usagi lording (ladying?) it over Ms. Haruna.
Ms. Haruna: "USAGI!"
Usagi /waking up. "OFF WITH HER HEAD!"
Ms. Haruna: "I beg your pardon?"
Usagi: "Oh, damn. I mean, uh… uh… 1812! Gettysburg! 16 fluid ounces! I before E! Thomas Edison!"

• AND SO: Usagi has to stand out in the hall.
Usagi: (talking to self) "For God's sake, I need to stop acting like this. It sure as hell doesn't get me anywhere, and with this whole princess thing, I've got responsibilities!"
Luna /materializes. "Good for you, Usagi! Finally, you're maturing!"
Usagi /pretends not to hear her. "Because I need to be all mature and classy to get Tuxedo Mask's attention!"
Luna: "Fuck me."
Usagi: "Why, Luna, what are you doing here?"

Queen Beryl: "Endymion! Help Kunzite defeat Sailor Moon and get the MacGuffin."
Mamoru: "I refuse! I'll do things my own way."
Kunzite /amused. "Like, you haven't changed at all, man."
Mamoru: "What?"
Kunzite: "I'd rather work alone, too."
Queen Beryl /double facepalm. "Fine. Whatever brings you joy. Just bring me her corpse whenever you boys can work yourself up to it."
Kunzite: "Like, I've already got a plan in motion."
Queen Beryl: "Yes, fine, wonderful, good, just go, please. Out. Out. Go. Shoo."
Queen Beryl: "I wonder how much it'd cost to just hire the Sailor Senshi."

Luna: "O Friend Computer! I am in desperate need of advice! Usagi just won't focus on royal deportment, and I don't know what to do with her."
Friend Computer: "This is a very serious situation, Agent Luna! What you need to do is—blast!—continue monitoring the situation for developments—(not now, honey)—"
Luna: "Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I hear someone else there on the line. Who is this?"
Friend Computer: "…"
Luna: "Is this Artemis?"
Artemis, for it is he: "Er… no? Pay no attention to the—(no, I said not when I'm on the—)"
Luna: "Criminently, I've been taking orders from YOU all this damn TIME?!"
Artemis: "Well… yes."
Luna: "Why didn't you tell me?!"
Artemis: "You didn't ask!"

• THE NEXT DAY: The Rose Charm School.
Usagi and Luna are sitting in a tree with binoculars.
Usagi: "Traditional European dresses, tea, cheesecake, a poetry reading…"
Luna: "…and not an Ackbar in sight. This might be worth your time."
Butler /materializes. "Pardon me, Miss."
Usagi and Luna fright, and fall from the tree.
Luna: "…ow…"
Butler: "If you have business, it would be best if you came in by the front gate…"
Usagi: "Okay, does everyone know how to do that, now?!"
Butler : "I am afraid I do not know to what you are referring, madam. Please come this way."
Usagi: "Wa-wa-wa-wait! I want to apply! To join! This! This charm school, thing! Please."
Countess Rose /just stepping up. "Is there a problem, Daubry?"
Butler: "This lady and her human companion entered onto the grounds by way of the wall. She says she wishes to join…"
Countess Rose: "I'm afraid you must have an introduction from a member."
Usagi: "The cat introduced me!"
Butler: "A cat's recommendation does count highly."
Countess Rose: "Hmm. What are your qualifications?"
Usagi /stands up straight. "I am absolutely incompetent at formal speaking, cooking, dress, deportment, flower arranging, dance, and music, both traditional Japanese or European."
Countess Rose: "It is quite impressive when there is so much you cannot do. Can you play Ultimate Frisbee?"
Usagi: "Well… er… yes, actually. I play at the regionals."
Luna: "What? Since when?"
Usagi: "A few months now. You didn't notice how much I've improved with my running and throwing?"
Countess Rose: "I need some good players on our team. Show me."
Usagi /takes the offered frisbee, throws it through the window, catches it as it comes out another window, takes the cup of tea off of the frisbee and offers it to Countess Rose. "Tea?"
Countess Rose: "I think we can make an exception. Call it an athletic scholarship."
Luna: "This is insane!"
Countess Rose: "No! This is Ultimate!"
Butler: "This also fulfills the legal requirement for one fish-out-of-water character."
Countess Rose: "Excellent! Welcome to the course!"

Makoto: "Interesting."
Rei: "She'll flunk out in no time."
Ami: "Oh, come on! It shows effort on her part. I bet this will be good for her."
Artemis: "I certainly hope it works. Our cause is in desperate need of a proper princess."
Minako: "'Proper princess?' What does that even mean?"
Artemis: "Calm, collected, well-mannered, displaying breeding in every–"
Minako /slowly rising note. "But, but, but I just got to know Usagi. But she's supposed to change? Can't she stay the way she is now?"
Artemis: "Of course not!"
Minako: "Why not?"
Artemis: "Because! There are, ahem, complex high-level political considerations, here, too difficult for a layman to understand—"
Makoto: "Well, run it by Ami, and maybe she can translate."
Artemis: "And the MacGuffin won't activate if she doesn't! Yes, it only responds to Proper Princess Power. Yes."
Rei: "Right, I'm calling up Luna to see if she gives a different answer…"
Ami: "Hey, you guys. Guys! You guys!"
Makoto: "What?"
Ami: "This charm school sounds like a good deal. Shouldn't we get in on this, too?" :D
Minako: "…Yes!"
Makoto: "Hell, yeah."
Rei: "¿What are we waiting for?"
Artemis: "Help!"

• MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE CHARM SCHOOL: The Ultimate Frisbee team is practicing, and Usagi is well on her way to becoming Team Captain. But up in the window above…
Countess Rose: "Is this what you wanted, Master Kunzite?"
Kunzite: "What? Oh, yeah."
Countess Rose: "Let me make sure I understand this: The girl who's a veritable wizard with a frisbee but a certified klutz in every other aspect of her life must be Sailor Moon. Correct?"
Kunzite: "Yeah."
Countess Rose: "Is this actually going to work?"
Kunzite: "Kid, who cares if it actually does or not? Whatever we do, Sailor Moon will show up. Trust me, that's how she rolls."
Countess Rose: "That must be some strong stuff you've got there."
Kunzite: "Strongest there is, baby."

Usagi suffocates in her corset!
Usagi: "Wow, everyone else is doing so well…"

Usagi slurps her soup!
Usagi: "This is trickier than I thought it'd be…"

Usagi blows the after dinner etiquette! (By—nice touch—trying to be too polite.)
Usagi: "Damn it, this is just like school…"

Usagi can't dance without stepping on people's feet!

Rei: "¿Who ever said Hell was private?"
Usagi: "…Rei!"
Ami: "Hello."
Usagi: "Ami! Mako! V! What are you all doing here?"
Makoto: "Taking the course, same as you."
Minako: "We used your name as a recommendation, I hope you don't mind."
Usagi: "How long have you been here?"
Ami: "All day."
Usagi: "All day? You mean, all this time…? …arrrrrrrgh…"
Rei: "Yeah, seriously, ¿who taught you how to eat, a cow?"
Ami: "You were really involved with the lessons, I was impressed."
Usagi: "Kill me now."

Countess Rose: "Ladies, this is your final course! As you dance, I will tap upon the shoulder those who graduated successfully!"

CUE: "(I've Had) The Time Of My Life"
Ami and Makoto /dance beautifully.
Minako /dances worse than Usagi.
Usagi: "Is that even possible? Suddenly I don't feel so bad about my chances."

• BUT, SADLY: Everyone except Usagi, Rei, and Minako graduates.
Countess Rose: "All ladies who have graduated, please come to the next room."

Being ladies, they do not laugh at the three losers remaining behind.

Minako: "Well, so much for that. Cigarette?"
Rei: "Please."
Usagi: "How can you be so calm?! They're getting a party or something in there. I hate missing out."

Makoto: "That's funny, this entire room is filled with wax statues of young ladies."
Ami: "Extremely realistic wax statues of young ladies with expressions of fear on their faces."
Makoto and Ami: "Oh shit."
Countess Rose: "Language!"
<< Countess Rose transforms into Clamshell Merlady! >>
<< Clamshell Merlady casts Wax On! >>
Ami is waxed!
Makoto is waxed!
All the other young ladies are waxed!

{Spider-sense is tingling!}
Usagi: "Uh-oh. I just got that feeling."
Rei: "Me too. There's a demon up."
Minako: "Let's roll."
Clamshell Merlady /appears. "GREETINGS!"
<< Clamshell Merlady casts Wax On! >>
All the footmen and dance instructors are waxed!

Usagi: "Oh, no, the slime bondage thing again! And, seriously, clams?! Wax-spewing clams?!"
Clamshell Merlady: "Right, which one of you three is Sailor Moon? I was told she was the rude, clumsy, loud-mouthed, eccentric one with bad hair."
Rei: "Clever."
Minako: "What's wrong with my hair?!"
Usagi: "Yeah, well, you're a nerf-herder!"
<< Clamshell Merlady casts Wax On! >>
Rei dodges!
Usagi dodges!
Minako: "Go for the eyes, Artemis! Go for the eyes!"
Luna and Artemis /leap on Clamshell Merlady's face!
Clamshell Merlady: "AAARRRRRGH!"
Usagi: "Quick! Out the window!"

Usagi into Sailor Moon: 33
Usagi into Princess Moon: 1
Usagi into Disguise Form: 8
Ami into Sailor Mercury: 10
Rei into Sailor Mars: 8
Mamoru into Tuxedo Mask: 2
Makoto into Sailor Jupiter: 3
Minako into Sailor Venus: 2

Usagi: "I've done had enough of this!"
Minako: "Feel the backhand of Justice!"
Rei: "Don't run! Is only sandvich!"
Clamshell Merlady /peels off the cats with irritation. "I knew it had to be one of you!"
<< Clamshell Merlady casts Wax On! >>
Rei dodges!
Usagi dodges!
Minako dodges!
<< Clamshell Merlady casts Wax Off! Fire2 nullified! >>
<< Clamshell Merlady casts Wax Off! CrestBeam nullified! >>
Usagi: "I get the feeling mine won't work either. Figures I'd pick the wrong three for the party. See you on the other side of the save point, guys."

• SUDDENLY! Enter Tuxedo Mask, dramatically, armed with +3 unholy throwing roses.
Usagi: "Yes! Hey, did you switch sides again?"
Rei: "…"
Mamoru: "Give me the MacGuffin, and I'll let you live."
Clamshell Merlady: "Er, sir, that wasn't Master Kunzite's order—"
Mamoru: "Shut up."
Usagi: "Oh, yes, tell the woman to shut up, even when she's right! Typical! Stand up to him, sister!"
Clamshell Merlady /?
Mamoru: "Please don't talk to the help."
Usagi: "Well!"
Rei /close to tears with rage and frustration.
Minako: "Uh… how about we just shoot him?"
Rei /really trying very hard to hold it together.
Minako: "Hey, Rei?"
Kunzite /steps up. "Excuse me, Endymion, I believe this is my operation."
Mamoru: "Look, all that matters is the MacGuffin. And I think the Queen might prefer it not smelling of—"
Clamshell Merlady: "Excuse me, sirs, but, shouldn't we—"
Kunzite: "I assure you I am completely sober."
Usagi: "Hello?"
Mamoru: "Right, yeah. Go work on your tan."
Clamshell Merlady: "—I'm not sure of the chain of command here. Am I supposed to wax her or not?"
Kunzite: "Yes!"
Mamoru: "No!"
Kunzite: "You and your stupid hat keep out of this!"
Mamoru: "Stupid? I'll have you know—"
Clamshell Merlady: "I'll just wait here until you're done, I guess?"

Usagi: "Hey, Daubry, gimme that coffee, there."
Butler: "Just what I was thinking, miss."
Usagi: "Hey, lady, want some coffee while you wait?"
Clamshell Merlady: "No, no, now you're being too informal."
Clamshell Merlady /!
Moon Healing Escalation!
<< Clamshell Merlady reverts to Countess Rose! >>
Usagi: "I wondered if it was her. Now to 'refresh' Tuxedo—"
Tuxedo Mask /!
{Tuxedo Mask has left the scene.}
Usagi: "—Mask."
{Kunzite has left the scene.}
Butler: "Capital try, though."
Usagi: "Say, how did you escape from the wax, Daubry?"
Butler: "I believe Sailor Mars could use a friend's attention about now."
Usagi /!
Usagi /bustles off to see to Rei.
{Butler has left the scene.}

The wax melts away.
Ami: "—WER MAKEU—! Ahem. Excuse me."
Makoto: "Yeah, what happened? Did we win?"
Ami /points at window, where Sailor Moon is silhouetted against the moon.
Young Ladies: "Sailor Moon saved us? Sailor Moon saved us!"
Makoto: "Sweet."
Ami: "Guess there's nothing else for us to do tonight." /streeeetches out arm…
Makoto: "Let's get out there to say thanks."
{Makoto has left the scene.}
Ami /le sigh.

• DENOUEMENT: The next morning.
Usagi: "I'M LATE!"
Luna: "Every day the same thing! What happened to being a dainty and elegant princess?"
Usagi: "I've decided to modernize court protocol!"
Luna: "…"
Usagi /trips.
Luna: "I guess it takes all kinds to be princesses."
Butler: "As it should be, I dare say."


Cartoon Poet
RPGnet Member
Validated User
A teenaged blonde with a talking cat as a mentor, who grew up ignorant of her powers, is occasionally rescued by a hero with a distinctive taste in spectacles, and was first seen by the audience crying about being late. I can't imagine why anyone would think she was an appropriate character to mention in this thread. :D
Can't imagine.

Aw, man. Now I want to find a way to write Jägers into this thing.

Jägermonster: "Hyu needs an excuze?! Ve ken chust let ourselves in!"

Peter Svensson

Reads Too Many Comics
Validated User
Hey, I liked this episode! Mainly for the ludicrous "Sailormoon throws a tiara around with expert precision, like it's a frisbee, how can I get young girls to try out for a frisbee competition, I know! I'll brainwash a foreign lady into holding a seminar for young ladies that happens to include Frisbee!"

Logic? Who needs logic? It WORKED. (Well, as well as a Dark Kingdom plan ever does.)
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