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[IWIW] Shadowjack Watches Sailor Moon Thread 13: The Magic Horse Ate Our Fancy Title

Shay Guy

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Thanks! For reference, if anyone's curious, here's the original post. It's not in the index, though I can add it and/or Version2's repost if anyone wants. (The original for Ami, Queen of the Rats is actually still up. Good thing TinyPic didn't shut down altogether!)


Cartoon Poet
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Shadowjack's own comics appear to be safely hosted thus far. But thank you for digging up that other art! Now it is obvious between Usagi and Ami who makes a better supervillain.
Usagi wouldn't even be able to pull off leaving the hero in the easily-escaped death trap, because she would get distracted midway through and challenge the hero to video games or a pie-eating contest or something.

I'm back, hooray!
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#136: Protect Mamoru! Jealousy of Usagi the Ninja.

Study Session at Mamoru's Pad
Everybody is here except Luna and Artemis, who are on vacation this week.

Ami: "Oh! I see now, Mamoru, I forgot to account for the dilation effects of the relativistic reference frame. Thanks for the help, I can be such a ditz sometimes!"
Mamoru: "…Right."
Usagi: "I AM SEETHING WITH JEALOUSY." /sits forcibly between Ami and Mamoru.
Minako: "You can tell how serious this situation is that I am attempting to be the voice of reason: Usagi, we're ALL here to study with Mamoru. What do you honestly think he might get up to with all of us watching?"
Usagi: /flailing. "Studying is fine, I just don't want him LOOKING at anyone else!"
Minako: "So, blindfolded, earplugged, noseplugged, and in an insulated bubble? I think you have issues."
Rei: "She has a subscription."
Usagi: "You have a library!"
Rei: /leans toward Usagi. "¡You have a university library!"
Usagi: /leans toward Rei. "You have a master's degree in library science!"
Rei: /crawls into Mamoru's lap. "¡You have an entire print shop!"
Usagi: /crawls into Rei's lap. "You have an entire distribution company!"
Minako: "Mamoru, this is your life, now and forever: Two smokin' hot girls in your lap with their tongues out."
Mamoru: "I'm resigned to it."
Makoto: /sniffs the air. "…Now that you mention it, do I smell smoke?"

Rei: "¡I GOT THIS! ¡Fire is my thing! ¡I got this!"
Rei: /always knows where Mamoru's fire extinguisher is
Rei: /fire extinguisher GET
Rei: /pulls pin
Rei: /hand on trigger
Rei: /charges into the room
Rei: /trips over everyone

Everyone Has Just Enough Time to Realize What Is About To Happen
And then it does.

Mamoru's Pad, Coated in Fire Extinguisher Material
Mamoru: "It's a nice day. There are barbecues outside. You saw them when you came in. Usako bought some when you came in."
Mamoru: "Chill."
Everyone else: "We're sorry."
Diana: "I'm very very sorry."
Rei: "It's not your fault, Diana. It's mine, because I went down to Usagi's level and panicked."
Ami and Minako: /leap upon Rei and Usagi and tie them up, preventing a second outbreak.
Makoto: /Calm and Level-Headed. "Mamoru, what are you going to do while your room airs out?"
Mamoru: "Good question. I'm already behind on a paper that's due tomorrow…"
Ami: "Which you were procrastinating on by helping us?"
Mamoru: /shrugs. "I was going for boyfriend points. And it's not as if I don't like you girls."
Usagi: "AHA!"
Mamoru: /with great effort, does not roll his eyes. "Not 'like', like, like, like."
Usagi: "Oh. Sorry."
Rei: "Let me make it up to you. We've got an extra room at our place."
Usagi: "WHAT. If he's staying anywhere, it'll be with—"
Chibi-Usa: "And how are you going to explain him to Papa and Mama?"
Usagi: "…Luna-P flashy thing?"
Chibi-Usa: "Psh, that's little kid stuff, I didn't bring it with me this season."
Usagi: "Well, er… but they don't mind me coming over here all the time!"
Ami: "Do they know you're coming over here all the time?"
Usagi: "Ami, shut up."
Minako: "I'm pretty sure her Mom knows."
Mamoru: "I'm pretty sure her Dad doesn't."
Minako: "Why do you say that?"
Mamoru: "I'm still alive. And I'd like to keep it that way."
Minako: "Wise, sir, very wise."
Usagi: /writhes in agony, trapped by logic
Diana: /cutely pops onto Mamoru's lap. "Fear not! I shall chaperone them!"

Mamoru: "You're a kitty!"
Rei: "So it's settled."
Usagi: /considers gnawing off her own leg to escape from logic's iron jaws
Minako: "…What's that whuffling, whining noise?"
Makoto: "Ami trying not to crack up. She'll never admit it, but she loves the soap opera."
Ami: /mmmmmfffffrrrrrgrmmfheeheeheemmmffhmmhmm!

The Big Top
Tiger's Eye: "Mistress Zirconia, we already have powers that surpass those of mortal men—"
Fish Eye: "—do we really NEED Pegasus to take over this world?"
Hawk's Eye: "What is so important about one flying talking horse?"

The Bar
Hawk: "That went well."
Fish: "Damn it, we're not peons! We're pros! She could tell us SOMETHING. Hell, lie to us, even."
Hawk: "Just among we three, it almost seems like Pegasus is more important to the boss than this planet."
Fish: "Well, that almost goes without saying. Just another hick planet out in the sticks."
Hawk: "With magical sailor girls who can beat up Lemures. Must be something to it."
Fish: "But they need Peg's help to do it, right? So he conned some local talent into supporting his horsey cult. Like we've never done the same."
Hawk: "Hmm. Tiger, any ideas? Tiger? Planet Circus to Tiger. What are you doing?"
Tiger: /with enormous patience. "I am attempting psychic fortune-telling."
Fish: "What? You, psychic?"
Tiger: /closes eyes, draws a photo from the stack.
Fish: "…oo! Now, she's a beauty."

It's Rei. DUN DUN DUN!

Hawk: "She must be, for you to say that."
Fish: "Guilty."
Tiger: "Hmm, she looks like a traditionalist. I think this calls for a change in approach."
Fish: "Does that mean an actual new strategy, or will you just wear, like, a different outfit?"
Tiger: "SHUT UP."

Hikawa Shrine
Gramps and Mamoru: /perform several rounds of the traditional Japanese awkward politeness dance
Gramps: /looks over Mamoru closely
Gramps: /veeeeeeery closely
Rei: /whispers to Mamoru. "Don't let him catch you alone."
Gramps: /sharp ears have I, young one. "Now, Rei, you misunderstand me! I'm an old man, haven't many years left in me, can't run the Shrine forever—"

And just like that, Mamoru and Rei are engaged!

Mamoru and Rei: :eek:

Just Around The Corner, Watching All This
Minako: "Mako, hold her down!"
Makoto: "I'm trying! If Ami would stop giggling and help—"
suddenly Yuichiro!: "Oh, don't worry, Miss Tsukino, I'm sure it'll come to nothing. I've been at the Shrine for ages, and no one's pressured me into marrying Rei!"
Usagi: "…that's because it's YOU."
Yuichiro: /dies
Ami: "Don't be so rude, Usagi! I mean, yes, it IS true that Mamoru and Rei dated—"
Yuichiro: "THEY DATED?!"
Chibi-Usa: "They dated?!"
Ami: "—and that Rei always did have a major thing for Tuxedo Mask—"
Chibi-Usa: "WHAT?"
Yuichiro: "Who?"
Minako and Makoto: /bailing out a sinking ship. "—butthatwasalongtimeagoandtheybrokeupandsurelynow—"
Ami: "—and Rei's said she's been looking for a great guy to be her boyfriend, so she can't possibly want to marry Ma—"
Minako: "You are doing this on purpose, aren't you? No one is this socially clueless! Not even me when it's on on purpose!"
Chibi-Usa: "Are we worried about the scraggly guy banging his head against the wall?"
Makoto: "No, that's just Yuichiro, he's always like that."
Minako: "I'm actually kind of glad to see he hasn't gotten anywhere with Rei since his last episode. She can do better."

That Night, A Better Man's Room
…which, in case you're wondering, is on the entire opposite side of the shrine residence from Rei's room. Mamoru has the desk, and kitty has the pillow, as is right and proper.

Diana: "This room hath such a pleasant seat and quietude, surely this will suit well the studies of Sir Mamoru!"
Mamoru: "Er, right. Uh, Di, you don't have to call me Sir Mamoru. Just Mamo-chan is fine."
Diana: "If you insist, Sir Mamo-chan!"
Mamoru: /sighs
Diana: "Fear not, o twice and future king! I shall guard your dignity with all the powers at my disposal! Herein you may study without distraction or hindrance! None shall approach this room without—"
Mamoru: "I'm gonna take a bath. You wanna come with?"
Diana: /blushing. "Th-th-that would not be proper! I am but a maiden, and you—"
Mamoru: "Okay, what is it with cross-species May-December implications this season? I'm taking a bath. No one bother me. Sheesh."

You All Saw This Coming Light-Years Away
Rei: "¿What's all this nonsense about getting married so soon? I'm still young, I've got so much before me—"
Rei: /breezes into the bathroom
Mamoru: /has so much before her. "Occupied!"
Rei: /¡scandalized scream!
Yuichiro: "TO THE RESCUE!"
Rei: /¡decks Yuichiro!
Yuichiro: "Oww! …Why did you hit ME?!"
Rei: "¡Well I can't hit HIM!" /runs away
Yuichiro: "You think you're something special, don't you Chiba?"
Gramps: /just as planned

Rei's Room
Rei: /is deeply embarrassed and ashamed. "…MEN."
A Mysterious Voice: "Which one in particular?"
Rei: "…¿Usagi, is that you?"

ENTER Usagi, from under the furniture, clad in red ninja outfit from toes to buns.

Usagi: /is a mammal
Rei: "¿Why are you wearing my ninja outfit?"
Usagi: "…Was this your ninja outfit?"
Rei: "You know that mine is the red one. ¡Dammit, Usagi, I've told you before about borrowing my things without asking!"
Usagi: "SPEAKING of borrowing other people's belongings—"
Rei: /blushes and hides her face
Usagi: "AHA! …NO! You didn't!"
Rei: "Did."
Usagi: "What?!"
Rei: "Everything."
Usagi: "YOU!"
Rei: "¡It's his fault for letting me see!"
Usagi: "Oh, sure, blame the victim!"
And on and on and on…

Meanwhile, at the Bath
Mamoru, calling out of the window: "Is it really necessary for you to stoke the fire so hot?"
Mamoru: "I'm beginning to understand why you never got anywhere with Rei. OW. OW. OW. STOP! SORRY! OW!"

Quiet Time With Pegasus
Chibi-Usa: "I don't understand jealousy."
Pegasus: "It's one form love can take."
Chibi-Usa: "It's a stupid form. I'd believe in the person no matter what."
Pegasus: "That's another form love can take."
Chibi-Usa: "You have beautiful eyes."
Pegasus and Chibi-Usa: /mutual swoon

Morning at the Hikawa Shrine
Gramps: "Rei, you're late for school!"
Rei: "I don't have school today."
Gramps: "No time for breakfast, you'll have to hurry."
Rei: "I already ate."
Ami: "I've got some toast ready for you."
Rei: "I already ate and I don't eat toast. What are you doing here?"
Ami: "Making sure you don't miss the bus. Better run."
Gramps: "The front walk is being repaired, so make sure you detour past Chiba's room—"
Rei: "¡Fuera de aquí! ¡Go bug Yuichiro!"

Meanwhile, Mamoru pulled an all-nighter, and he's still not quite done yet.

Rei: "Sheeesh. This is getting ridiculous."
A Mysterious Voice: "You require much training, grasshopper."
Rei: "NOW it IS ridiculous."

ENTER Usagi, through the tree-tops, clad in red ninja outfit, from toes to buns.

Usagi: /has real ultimate power
Rei: "You are about to fall out of that tree and ruin my ninja suit in the mud."
Usagi: /struggling to hold on to the branch. "And it all so seems easy when I'm transformed! I mean, uh, I SHALL TAKE MAMORU BACK TODAY!"
Rei: "Well, yes, that's the plan. ¡And you can have him!"

ENTER Diana, cutely.

Diana: "Silence, varletesses! Sir Mamoru requires stillness so he may concentrate within!"
Rei and Usagi: "You're a kitty!"
Usagi: "Very well! After I eat breakfast, I SHALL RETURN!"

EXIT Usagi—after a few flailings—dramatically, with a ninja leap!

Ami: "Wow, she skipped breakfast for this. She's really into this."
Rei: "GO HOME."
Ami: "And miss all the excitement?"

Yuichiro meditates before the altar. And he's actually doing it, all proper and serious, not screwing it up.

Gramps: /boot. "Still alive, wimp?"
Yuichiro: /grovels. "Yes, master, I am a wimp! Night and day, my thoughts are filled with one lady only. I am ashamed that I have come to this despite all my training here!"
Gramps: "Excellent, you have at last realized it! To do away with carnal desires is where true training begins. Are you ready to come with me? This will be very hard on you."
Yuichiro: "Yes, master! Please guide me!"

And so, Gramps and Yuichiro put on sport coats and go cruising for girls.

Gramps: "It's unacceptable for a young man to have eyes for only one lady!"
Yuichiro: "…I thought we were doing away with carnal desires?"
Gramps: "You have to experience what you're doing away with, right? I pursue this training rigorously! Now, do as I do!"
Gramps: "Hey, baby, how's it shakin'?"
Yuichiro: "H-hey, baby! You want some of this?"
A Lady and her Friend: "Oh, crap, it's that old creep from the Hikawa Shrine!" /flee
Tiger: /just passing by. "Pathetic."

Of Course, Tiger's Eye Will Do So Much Better
Tiger: /is wearing a different outfit.

When he reaches the Shrine, Tiger pauses to admire the view.

Tiger: (It would be a shame to simply assault her. I must take my time to completely charm her…)
Rei: "I SENSE IMPURITY!" /smacks Tiger with a broom.
Tiger: !!!
Rei: "Oops, sorry. Thought you were my, um, friend. NOT THAT SHE'LL BE ONE FOR LONG, THE WAY SHE'S ACTING."
Tiger: /gets all embarrassed about his robes falling open
Rei: /too busy to notice. "¡COME OUT AND FIGHT, USAGI! ¡I'M READY FOR YOU!"

  • Tiger's Eye into:
    • Tiger's Eye: 5
  • Hawk's Eye into:
    • Hawk's Eye: 1
  • Kigurumiko into:
    • A Giant Pink Boxing Kangaroo: 1
  • Artemis into:
    • A Baby Pink Boxing Kangaroo: 1

Rei: "Frell. Not again." /is captured
Tiger: /prepares to do awful things to Rei

Usagi is trying to climb the Shrine's retaining wall.

Chibi-Usa: /looks up at her. "Why are you doing this?"
Usagi: /with grunts and strains, manages to scale the wall.
Chibi-Usa: /with roll of eyes, uses the stairs right next to the wall.
Chibi-Usa: /looks down at her. "Don't you ever worry about looking ridiculous or being irritating?"
Usagi: "Obviously not."
Rei: /screams!
Usagi and Chibi-Usa: /immediately drop the comedy

  • Usagi into:
    • Sailor Moon: 43
    • Second Stage Sailor Moon: 30
    • Cosmic Class Sailor Moon: 22
    • Cosmic Class Sailor Moon (double trouble remix): 7
    • Crisis Mode Sailor Moon: 13+1
    • Princess Serenity: 1
    • Disguise: 10
  • Ami into:
    • Sailor Mercury: 15
    • Second Stage Sailor Mercury: 20
  • Rei into:
    • Sailor Mars: 13
    • Second Stage Sailor Mars: 19
  • Makoto into:
    • Sailor Jupiter: 8
    • Second Stage Sailor Jupiter: 20
  • Minako into:
    • Sailor Venus: 7
    • Second Stage Sailor Venus: 23
  • Haruka into:
    • Sailor Uranus: 10
  • Michiru into:
    • Sailor Neptune: 10
  • Setsuna into:
    • Sailor Pluto: 4
  • Mamoru into:
    • Tuxedo Mask: 2
    • Second Stage Tuxedo Mask: 1
  • Chibi-Usa into:
    • Sailor Chibi-Moon: 9
    • Sailor Chibi-Moon (double trouble remix): 7
  • Luna-P into something-or-other: 10

Tiger: /finishes doing awful things to Rei.
Tiger: "That was fun! And this dream is almost TOO beautiful. In fact, all those Sailor-suited guardians in crystal castles seemed uncomfortably familiar. I have a strange hunch I'd better finish you off, just in case."
Double Moon: "HALT!"

ENTER Sailors Moon and Chibi-Moon, dramatically—

Tiger: "Yadda yadda yadda."
Usagi: "Let her finish, please, she's been practicing so hard."
Chibi-Usa: /Mooooooom. "Usaaaaaagi, that's embarrassing!"

Monster of the Week!

Water trick artist Mizugeiko! A white-skinned elf, with traditional Japanese make-up and towering hair arrangement, dressed in a low-cut variation on silk robes. She rides in upon a paper umbrella, dual-wielding trick fans.

Usagi: /applauding. "These entrances get better every time!"
Chibi-Usa: /applauding. "I know, right? It's like going to the circus!"

Mizugeiko sprays a clear liquid at our heroes—a liquid which begins to EAT THROUGH THEIR CLOTHES.

Usagi: "You pervs, she's just a kid!" /hands Chibi-Usa a robe.
Chibi-Usa: "What luck the deadly acid only landed on our clothes, and not our skin!"

Mizugeiko hems our heroes in with fountains of DEADLY ACID, preventing their escape!

Usagi and Chibi-Usa: "Oh, Tuxedo Maaaaaaaask!"

Mamoru's Room
Mamoru: /bolt upright. "I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED."
Diana: "Sir Mamoru! You're on deadline! Your future depends on this moment!"
Mamoru: "Sorry, sorry. Must've been imagining things."

Meanwhile, Back at the Battle
What's this? Mizugeiko has abandoned use of the deadly clothes-melting acid in favor of spawning hordes of carnivorous teru teru bôzu dolls, which batter our heroes with billions of brutal headbutts!

Mizugeiko: /what the hell, let's throw a little acid in there, too
Usagi and Chibi-Usa: /aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh

ENTER Sailor Mercury, clad in blue ninja outfit, preceded by a wave of ice water! The acid is washed away safely.

ENTER Sailor Venus, clad in gold ninja outfit, wielding her chain. She slaps the villain silly.

ENTER Sailor Jupiter, clad in green ninja outfit, her eyes and arms crackling with power.

Mizugeiko: /blocks with her umbrella
Makoto: /blocks LIGHTNING with an umbrella?

Mizugeiko: /thought that Lemures were immune to ordinary Sailor power
Makoto: /heh heh heh HA HA heh :D
Ami: "Aren't you glad we were stalking, I mean, watching over you all this time?"
Makoto and Minako: "NOW Sailor Moon!"
Chibi-Usa: /eyes ninja outfits. "…I want one. I mean, er, Twinkle Yell!"
Mizugeiko: /will now unleash her TRUE form!
Mizugeiko: /puts on sumo war paint
Mizugeiko: /assumes a martial stance

Usagi: /ignores Mizugeiko and aims Moon Gorgeous Meditation at Tiger's Eye. "This time for sure!"
Tiger: !

Yamandakka, wearing Hindu war paint, charges in!

Yamandakka: "YAMANDAKKA!"
Everyone else: "Yamandakka?!"

Yamandakka grapples with Mizugeiko! A mere Cardian dares to challenge a topflight Lemures on its own ground! They twist and strain against each other, two oiled-up wrestling monsters, their footfalls like thunder, their flashing eyes like lightning! Trees are toppled, statues smashed, as the two daemons struggle to destroy the other!

At last, with a final surge of strength, Yamandakka heaves Mizugeiko down the temple steps. The invader falls to the bottom, a broken and twisted wreck—staged out. Our heroes are saved!

…but alas! Mizugeiko was still the stronger creature. Her life-force spent, Yamandakka staggers, then falls.

Tiger: /fire escapes
Everyone else: /boggles
Everyone else: /…runs over to Yamandakka
Yamandakka: /coughs up blood
Ami: "Yamandakka—you saved us! But why?"
Yamandakka: "…Ya… Yamandakka. Yamandak… ka."
Minako: /translates the language of love. "Because the invader hurt the girl who is special to him. 'Him'?"
Makoto: "You mean… Yuichiro?"

In a flash, it all makes sense. All those times that Yamandakka had lingered behind in the courtyard where Yuichiro was doing his training, the sidelong glances, the extra spoonful of rice at dinner. All this time, and they'd never realized, for she'd never said a word about her feelings…

Minako: /weeps womanly tears
Makoto: "Yamandakka, no! You have to hold on! Live, darn you, live!"
Ami: /readies first aid kit

Meanwhile, Over On the Other End of the Yard
Usagi: /holding Rei in a princess carry. "So, uh… you okay?"
Rei: "This is all your fault."
Usagi: "As you wish."

They smile at each other.

Denouement at Fruit Parlor Crown
Usagi: "Great rescue, honey."
Mamoru: /yawns. "Wha? Yeah, sure."
Yuichiro: "Rei, I'm sorry, I was tempted by the devil, can you ever forgive me?"
Rei: /is crowd-watching…

Rei: "Mm-hmmmmm." ♥
Yamandakka: /wrapped in bandages, gazes happily after Yuichiro
Ami: /eats popcorn
Chibi-Usa: /dances excited in her new pink ninja suit
Minako and Makoto: /playing cards and trying to ignore the steadily growing madness that is their lives


I just wanted to point this out. Just before Rei goes into the bath, she has a little fantasy sequence that shows us her idea of herself as an adult:

It's almost exactly Usagi's fantasies from season 1, except Usagi went with "doctor" instead of "businesswoman". They even have similar taste in rock and roll outfits. No wonder they get along. :D
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Re: #136: Protect Mamoru! Jealousy of Usagi the Ninja.

He's back, yay!

I'm not fond of this episode at all, to be honest. It takes Usagi's immaturity and cranks it to eleven. I feel embarrassed just watching her and not in any possible 'good' way.


Registered User
Validated User
Re: #136: Protect Mamoru! Jealousy of Usagi the Ninja.

This was not a good episode and even Shadowjack can't save it completely. I came into this season blind and as it goes on I can see more and more why this is the least liked season. At least we get a look at Gramps and Yuichiro, I like checking in on those two.


Cartoon Poet
RPGnet Member
Validated User
Re: #136: Protect Mamoru! Jealousy of Usagi the Ninja.

He's back, yay!

I'm not fond of this episode at all, to be honest. It takes Usagi's immaturity and cranks it to eleven. I feel embarrassed just watching her and not in any possible 'good' way.
I can see what you mean; the entire ninja suit routine just barely got me past her obsessive clinginess. (I found myself thinking of Dora in Questionable Content…)


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Re: #136: Protect Mamoru! Jealousy of Usagi the Ninja.

This is not one of Usagi's shining moments, yeah.
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