Paranoia Victims, Unite!

Mike Lemmer

Retired User
I've noticed that an immoral number of you know of Paranoia. I'm betting some of you have played it.

Just to see how many people have actually played it, if you have, reply.

Better yet, give us the best death that happened while you were playing.

For me:
I was GMing. One of the PCs threw a thermonuclear grenade. I rolled a 19 (pretty bad), so I decide that it's a dud (since I don't want to vaporize the entire party before they even start). Someone threw it out of the briefing room, slammed the door, and the briefing continued.
As they walked out, I told them that the pulled grenade was still laying on the ground. Obvious thinking that it's a dud, one of the players picked it up and put it in his pocket.
It was too good to resist.
*beep* *beep* *beep* *BOOM*
It's not often you get to say "Suddenly your pants explode."


Current game: In Nomine
I played it on a Con once...

Best death was us using the HAppy pilldispenser on the other, whenever we liked. ( IT was a tiny robot, with seringes, who could make ALL drugs you could ever imagine ).
It was our favorite weapon :), me being the morale officer :). Heeee, you look unhappy... [ I'm NOT unhappy ]. Yes you are, pill dispenser... MAKE him happy :)



no more lemonade
Validated User
I've run it a couple of times.

Best death: one of the players secretly tampered with the Docbot, replacing its standard Cortisol injector with highly toxic and corrosive radioactive waste.

Halfway through the mission, another PC is greivously injured. They put the Docbot on him, which popped a needle into his carotid artery as per standard field surgery procedures. The poor bastard instantly dissolved into goo.

Max S.

I hate it here.
Lessee, my favorite death wasn't mine, though, one time I called my superior "comrade" and everyone shot me at once. But for this poor clone, we were issued weapons. Mine was a long metal tube with an angled grip and a cup my shoulder fit into nicely, and a BIG arrow indicating the direction of the thing you didn't want anymore.

When I pulled the trigger, the last thing I heard was the guy behind me screaming as he was being sucked through the tube and launched at the malfunctioning robot.

Ben Brown

Crime-Fighting Gorilla
Validated User
In the first Paranoia game I ever played, amidst an orgy of note-passing, we somehow resolved to kill off our team leader. Now, you'd think this wouldn't be too hard, especially if we were all in on it.

But despite the foot of liquid gunk on the floor, despite the extremely crowded factory-type setting, we kept missing. It was amazing. We actually were working together (after a fashion), and we still kept missing.

The player of the team leader never knew. As far as I know, he still does not know.


My Best Death

Best death was at a CON where we played a live game of it. Ended up sticking my tongue tattoo onto what I thought was a new-wave tongue tattoo reader but was actually a pre-BigOops electrical socket and then a bunch of people tried to pull me off, and we all got electrocuted.

More fun than the time we were sent to ORK sector and I got slaughtered because I looked at the oncoming mutants, closed my eyes and said "I disbelieve" in hopes it was a hologram like all the other ones previous had been.

Hunter Green

House rule

We used a house rule that fixed the two things that we didn't like about Paranoia: 1) even for as absurd a setting as Paranoia was, the whole "your clone is immediately delivered to the place you've spent the last hour struggling to get to, and remembers everything you knew, even the secrets" thing was too much disbelief to suspend; and 2) the six-clone system encouraged the right kind of roleplay until you got to clone #6, and then back to basics.

Solution: instead of clone vats making prefab clones kept on ice, we had an auto-cloning system embedded into each clone. The first time you were killed, there was a 2% you would fail to re-clone, but if you did, this little pill-sized thingie in your neck would reform you out of the splattered remains of your body into a new clone of you. Usually, almost all memories, mutations, etc. came along with it, unless it was funnier if they didn't. The next time, it was 4%, then 6%, etc. (due to cumulative genetic damage, or something). Fixed both problems and lended itself to some gory, gooey visuals.

It also inspired the best death, when someone was fighting with an overzealous scrubbot, who immediately started cleaning the splattered bits even as they were reforming into the next clone. As a result, the new clone formed partially inside the scrubbot, breaking it open from the inside (and leaving the new clone somewhat scrambled himself).


Half-Baked Loaf of Bread
Validated User
For me, it was the first time I was running the game.

We had an (Acute Paranoia) bot in the party with the experimental equipment (Photon Torpoedo).

At one point, he fired it, and missed, hitting in the midst of the party of 26 or so players that had made it that day.

Damage Column 20 -- On a 1, you die. On a 2-20, you're vaporized.

The first 25 players were all vaporized. I informed them of this as they rolled.
"What'd you get?"
"A three."
"You're completely vaporized."

The last player to go was one who no-one much liked (except me) -- He rolled a 1.
"I rolled a one! What happens?"
"You die."
"What's the difference!?!"
"When the scrubot comes to clean up the corridor, YOU will be the one getting the Treason Points for littering."

Ahh, that was the day.


Retired User
I was playing at a con, and the goal was to capture a known offender. (Several clones were lost as they wondered why the Computer didn't just take care of it)

ANyway, through sheer odd luck, I never lost any of my clones. Fifteen minutes till the end of the slot, we're about to close in the guy, and the rest of the players suddenly realized this. Suddenly, I am dressed in the clothes of the offender, my mouth is ducktaped shut and they begin asking me if I am disloyal to the Computer, if I've ever committed crimes, and other such intimidating questions.

Not being able to deny it, I rapidly lost all my remaining clones as they were shot for treason one after the other.
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