IC Runaway Hirelings: The Temple of Elemental Annoyance

tomas

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OOC: Oh I like that idea. Dummi, of course will sneer, but maybe deep inside he'll also be impressed.
 

FrivYeti

Yeti On The Lam!
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OOC: I can accept that! If MrPrim MrPrim approves, we can roll with it. It will cost him some gold, since he's out of Flail Points, but that's not so bad.
 

MrPrim

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OOC: Oh, yea, that works for me. I'll post something when I go home this evening.
 

tomas

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OOC: Dumi can contribute as well assuming we want to guarantee a success
 

MrPrim

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"We're getting out of here."

Zoosk's little reptilian voice is redolant with unexpected power as he steps to the front of the group. He flourishes his travelling cloak, stained and soaked with foul things best left unremembered, and raises something to the air.

The elven blade is blackened and bent and Zoosk wields it with skill. Angry red flames leap from the hilt, the favor of the Divine Fire bestowed on its most humble and loyal of servitors.

The kobold swings the blade and snicker snack go the iron bolts.

He stabs the point of the blade into the earth and then, drawing in a deep breath, he cries out....

"HOTHOTHOTHOTHOT!"

The kobold drops to his feet and rubs his burned palms into the dirt.
 

FrivYeti

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With the iron bolts smashed to pieces by the brave kobold, the door swings wide. Ahead, you can hear strange sounds, and the goblins around you rush forward, waving their weapons from the armory.

You advance, and you see something glorious, and something terrible. The glorious thing is sunlight! After all this time, you've finally made it to the exit. But the terrible thing is...

OOC: Okay! We are at the final room. I'm giving it to MrPrim MrPrim to discover - either name what the room is, or name the first challenge that you have to clear. You will be unsurprised to learn that this room is... somewhat dangerous.

But there's more.

The final room is particularly lethal in two ways. First, normally if you die here, you don't get another character. Since we're playing online, I'm going to institute a special Near-Miss rule. For those who haven't lost multiple characters, the first time that you die here you can advance directly to your third character slot, returning your current hireling to life at 5 HP and describing the miracle that kept you alive. Archie already got a return, so you're on your own, but you also have a lot of flail points so you'll probably be fine.

Secondly, because this room is so deadly, all Gold costs here are doubled. It costs 4 Gold to automatically succeed on a task, you lose 2d6-2 Gold if you choose to fail for a Flail Point, and if you fail a test you lose 4d6+4 gold, which means instant death really. On the other hand, you have enough flail points stacked that if you can figure out how to make these challenges happen in your specialties, you are set.

Your current totals:
Zoosk: 6 Gold, 1 Flail Point
Dumisfort: 4 Gold, 1 Flail Point
Archie: 5 Gold, 4 Flail Points
 

MrPrim

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OOC: The next challenge that must be overcome is the challenge of Improv Comedy Night!
 

tomas

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OOC: You're evil.
 

FrivYeti

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OOC: Okay... that one took me a hot minute to figure out. Sorry for the delay; had work events on Thursday and Sunday that proved to be real busy in both prep time and aftermath. But hey, the joke's on you guys, because here we go.


The four hirelings emerge into the vast, vaulted hall of the Great Antechamber. They actually remember this room - it is here that their quest began, what seems like months ago but which was probably only about three or four hours, really. Boy, it has been a rough day.

On the other end of the hall, the great doors still hang on their hinges from where the great Nob Crumpaxe kicked them in on his way to assault the temple. The grand statues of elvenkind are still in rubble from where the great Nob Crumpaxe used them to hit elves with, to grand acclaim from you, his followers. And over there is where your packbearer got eaten by the gate's demonic guardian! Fortunately, the demon was banished and certainly couldn't be revived without mystical flame oh there he is right in front of you on a little stage and everything.

Also on the stage are a pair of slightly nervous elves, a manically grinning goblin, and a terrified gnoll. Around them, watching the production uncertainly, are the remaining dozen or so elven guards, plus about fifteen rebel slaves who charged the main doors while you were slipping around the side. The gnoll is in the middle of saying, "... so when the doctor called, I came to... see him?"

One of the elves coolly replies. "But the doctor has been... dead! For seven years!" His eyes go wide and he makes dramatic jazz hands. "You must be a... medium!"

The gnoll blinks. "What? But... what? I don't... huh?"

And then the demon shakes his head. "You've got to 'yes and' it! You lose!"

The gnoll raises his hands. "Wait, no, I can...!" Whatever he was going to say is blotted out as the stage cracks open around him, and flaming hands drag him screaming into the yawning abyss. The stage snaps shut, and the goblin shakes his head.

The demon looks over at the group of you. "Right, we need another participant. One of you guys! Get up here! I'm trying to decide who's got the most flexible minds, and thus who to side with in this little rebellion! Right now we're at Elves 4, Slaves 3, and first team to five wins."
 

thenorm42

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OOC: Yikes! Two ideas come to mind. Either Dummy has a selection of quips, biting insults and satire in his book (or a book he acquired from the library), and uses it to win the contest, or Archie blows two Flail Points to win through dumb luck.
 
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