Another Kill Team...
The wisdom of Super Administrator John Sumbitch was imposed upon me; I did not ask, he did not offer.RPGnet doesn't work on Legalist principles.
"The RPGnet Dynasty is in decline" said he. "All hail ShannonA, but his orders have no efficacy."
"Virtue flows from the administrators." I replied "Perhaps it will prevail."
"A weak forum relies on virtue!" Insisted mighty Sumbitch. "Powerful administrators follow the seven methods, and build forums from strong laws and efficacious infractions."
I could not master my fear of the other administrators, and did not trust John Sumbitch. "Some would doubt your seven methods."
"Then I shall demonstrate them."
The Super Administrator drew his heartless sword and set about cutting the weakness from me.
"This is the first method: Do not attack from a single angle; consider all possibilities." Though I faced John Sumbitch, he stabbed me in the back.
"I see! We have appointed moderators of virtue and wisdom. I had not considered that we might marshal the strength of the spiteful and vain." I favoured him with a reply of my own sword, Innate Virtue of Humanity, but he caught it in an empty beer can and shattered it. The beer was a cheap domestic, and I knew utter shame.
"This is the second method: Punish failures with unvarying severity. Had you defeated my taste for reprehensible beer, your Innate Virtue sword would be intact."
"I see! We have so many infractions but we need only the strongest. Our new moderators will not wield the duller blades." I caught his hand and forced John Sumbitch to choke on his own incomparable punch. He was obliged to chew and swallow the beer can and not a few shards of my Innate Virtue sword, before obligingly breaking a number of my remaining bones.
"This is the third method: a generous and reliable reward for others' success."
"I was bein' too awesome?"
"Quite." Sumbitch adjusted his cap and took a lecturing tone. "Your compassion has divided you left from right. You have only one sword yet seek to help multitudes - how can your single virtue shelter against a thousand blows?"
"I see! But I have absorbed your wisdom and would not leave myself underarmed." Taking two fallen swords from the banned, I cut left and right at his stubbled throat. Yet his heartless sword generated its own ghost, and he broke both my infracted blades, leaving their indignation to echo on the wind.
"This is the fourth method: Listen to all views, and hold the speaker responsible for every word. Even as the sword moves to block two attacks, so one can understand and suppress two viewpoints."
"I see! Even one moderator can in fact ban them all." Sumbitch smiled and nodded, charging forth with three great ghost blades forming to attack with the heartless blade from each cardinal direction. I stilled myself, and from the malice he was teaching me summoned four shields to turn them aside. Yet the ghostly blades had no substance, and while I was off balance, he headbutted me in the face.
"Why is your nose broken?"
"I trusted John Sumbitch." My diction left something to be desired in the circumstances.
"This is the fifth method: The use of deception. Issue unfathomable orders. Make deceptive assignments. This is administration."
"The rules are already subjective." This response was not satisfactory, and I scrambled for enlightenment. "Ah! We can lie even to the moderators!"
Pleased, Sumbitch attacked once again, the blades of the banned rising in a cyclone to assault me. Yet my defence was full of subtlety and falsehood, and I did not die. As he kicked at an unbroken bone, I produced a Gizmit from my shadow, and latched its fangs upon his throat.
"I have inferred the sixth method" said I. "Conceal one's blade when facing another's; conceal one's knowledge when making use of a moderator."
Defeated, Sumbitch writhed upon the ground, his putrid blood fountaining over Backstage. Yet when I, in my hubris, moved in to finish him with his own heartless sword, he smiled and spat the beer can into my eyes. I fell, enlightened.
"The seventh principle is to speak in opposites and act in contraries. Summon to me my negamods."