The RPGNet Wand of Wonder! (1 Viewer)

[Neal]

Hey, all,

Over there in the "Misenchanted Sword" thread, my old AD&D 2e Wand of Wonder table came up. In fact, Sandy himself said that it would make a great addition to the site. Now, as I'd said there, my table is old, outdated, and pretty much scattered to the four winds. Therefore, I was thinking we could work up a table here on these forums! Just remember that this is an Artifact-level Wand, and so no effect is too outlandish! Try to avoid normal spell effects, though. Let's be creative! Oh, and no "doubling up" numbers. Each number gets its own effect. I'd like to hit 1000, since that's a nice, even number, but, hell, if we can go higher, that'd be great! For simplicity's sake, I'll be abbreviating "Wielder" as W and "Target" as T. I'll begin:

001 T becomes coated in homemade jam (random flavor)
002 W becomes coated in solid bronze (AC bonus of 34, but cannot move or breathe)
003 T turns to grape-flavored gelatin
004 W drops Wand, Wand creates 1d1000 false replicas around W’s feet
005 Reality reshapes to W’s specifications
006 Random God shows up to take possession of Wand
007 Random God shows up to aid T
008 Random God shows up to aid W
009 Wand animates as a free-willed Tiny Animated Object
010 T gains a +6 competency bonus to all skills until dawn
011 T loses all skills
012 W gains a free feat
013 W gains a level
014 T screams like an Androsphinx for 1d3 rounds
015 Random plane is devastated
016 Random plane doubles in power
017 Reroll; any W result affects a random being within 30’
018 Reroll; Swap W and T in the resulting description
019 2d20 gold pieces shoot from Wand, one per round (treat as sling bullets)
020 1d100 magical items appear at W’s feet
021 Wand transforms into a different random magical each round for 2d10 rounds
022 Wand transforms into a random magical weapon (retains Wand functions)
023 Genre changes (A spaceship lands on the horizon, etc.)
024 A duplicate Wand appears in T’s hand
025 W’s alignment moves one step toward Chaotic Evil
026 W believes that T is a long-lost relative
027 T falls hopelessly in love with W
028 Wand constructs a castle nearby
029 A functional, idling F-16 appears around W (W in cockpit, and probably confused)
030 T and W swap equipment
031 T and W swap bodies
032 T and W swap places
033 Caldera opens beneath T
034 Portal to random Lower Plane opens- Apocalypse ensues
035 2d4 gallons of molten gold pour from Wand each round for 3d6 rounds
036 T's body hair begins growing at a rate of 1d2" per round
037 T melds with the nearest living creature, becoming a hybrid
038 T shrinks to about 2" tall
039 T begins to sweat healing potion
040 T becomes a demi-god
041 Wand emits a bzzt and a crackle, no effect
042 Wand fires automatically once per round for 1d20 rounds
043 W ages 1d100 years
044 T regresses in age by 1d100 years
045 T realizes he\she is but a character in a role-playing game; Save vs. Will or go mad
046 W becomes a lifeless husk, Wand eats W's soul, gaining 1 charge per level
047 Wand turns into a Tiny purple Viper that is hostile to W and T
048 3d20 gallons of human blood jet forth from Wand over 3d6 rounds
049 W gains a +20 competence bonus to Perform (Harp)
050 T becomes invisible to W

 

[LuxVeritatis]

051. W becomes a deity, with a portfolio antithetical to W's alignment. (E.g. LG Paladin becomes God of assassins.)
052. W becomes a deity with a portfolio appropriate to W's alignment. (E.g. NE thief becomes God of assassins.)
053. T becomes a deity, with a portfolio antithetical to T's alignment.
054. T becomes a deity with a portfolio appropriate to T's alignment.
055. W and T are both invested as the avatars of random deities for 1d10 turns.
056. Random deity is reduced to status of a mortal and appears between W and T.
057. T shapeshifts into a tarrasque.
058. Molten silver rains heavily over the entire area (1 square mile) for the next day.
059. W's class levels change randomly. Total class levels remain the same. (E.g. Ftr15 becomes Wiz10/Brd3/Rog2)
060. W's stats are randomly shuffled.
061. All items of above Stone Age technology for 10 miles in every direction vanished and are replaced by nearest Neolithic equivalent.
062. W and T both change gender.
063. 5000 heavy infantry appear surrounding T. They are fanatically devoted to W.
064. All corpses within one mile reanimate as skeletons who will obey T.
065. A hot dog vendor appears between W and T, complete with stand. He is immortal and omnipotent. His only purpose is to sell both W and T a hot dog, and he will not leave until he has done so.
066. Andy Warhol appears. He proclaims: "I am the Walrus, I am the Egg man. Koo koo ca choo." He then vanishes.
067. Everyone who has ever met W forgets about his existence.
068. Two squads of cheerleaders appear. They will proceed to cheerlead any battles taking place at the time.
069. T's weapons all transform into fish.
070. Those who look at W must save or die, exactly as if they had looked at a nymph. The power is permanent and cannot be turned off.
071. Wand emits pretty sparkles and some purple smoke.
072. T is teleported 1d10 miles in a random direction. He is replaced by a pair of smoking boots.
073. T is destroyed leaving only a pair of smoking boots.
074. Every 1d10 rounds for the next day, an anvil will appear 10 ft above W and fall on him.
075. W becomes invisible to himself. Everyone else can see him fine.
076. Precisely 13,452 caterpillars appear.
077. For the next 24 hours all living beings appear to W as if they were giant spiders.
078. Any person of T's gender who looks at T will fall passionately in love with him.
079. W's mother appears. Even if she's dead.
080. A plague of locusts appears.
081. All metal in the vicinity becomes red hot.
082. W believes that he is now of a different class. W does not gain any of the skills of said class, but thinks he does.
083. A Mongol horde appears and sweeps down on the scene intent on slaughter.
084. A tidal wave strikes. Regardless of how far inland / underground they are.
085. Choirs of angels appear, amidst clouds of glory, singing hosannas. After 3 hosannas, they depart, taking the clouds of glory with them.
086. A devil appears and challenges W to a fiddle contest, the prize being a golden fiddle. If W loses, the devil claims his soul. The devil has Perform (Fiddle) 20.
087. T becomes convinced that he is the reincarnation of Mahatma Ghandhi.
088. T is now dressed as a harem girl.
089. All water in the vicinity becomes a reasonably palatable dry red wine.
090. T's weapons become +3 mithril spiked chains.
091. W gains a +2 competence bonus to Innuendo.
092. W's weapons all gain a +3 bonus (or equivalent in special abilities).
093. T and W are teleported to different random locations, anywhere on the same plane.
094. W polymorphs randomly every round for the next 20 rounds. All shapes will be able to survive in the environment in which they appear.
095. A bunch of flowers springs from the wand.
096. A blind panda named Lucy appears.
097. W and T are both ploymorphed into squirrels.
098. Atlantis rises in the nearest body of water large enough to hold it.
099. The nearest city sinks into the sea. A sea sufficent to sink it will appear if one is not handy.
100. The streets of the nearest village become paved with gold.

Credit where credit is due to KenzerCo for some of the inspiration from KODT - can you spot the references?

 

[Epoch]

101. Randomly select one attribute. T loses two points from this attribute. W gains two points in same. Randomly choose one other attribute. W loses two points in this attribute. T gains two points in same.
102. T loses all ability to speak and understand his native language, and can never regain proficiency, short of a <i>wish</i>. Non-native languages are unaffected.
103. W gains three negative levels and DR 15/+3. There is no save for level loss, but levels may be regained through <i>Restoration</i> or other spells. Each level gained (through XP or spells) reduces DR by 5/+1, until all gained DR is lost.
104. T alignment shifts to Chaotic Evil and gains one class-level of Assassin, even if he does not fulfill the requirements for the class.
105. T's eyes change to color of W's choice. Change is purely cosmetic.
106. T and W blink out of existance for one round. No damage or change of position is caused. T and W do not notice "missing time" (to them, it seems as though the wand has no effect).
107. W's head hair bursts into flame. This causes 1d3 hp of damage, and W spends one round putting his hair out.
108. W is transported to either the Positive or Negative Material Plane (50% chance of each).
109. T becomes extremely hungry, and is at -2 Str and -2 Con until he can consume at least four pounds of meat.
110. W gains Nightvision 120' until next midnight.

 

[Tatsu]

111. T will notice pretty sparkles in all of his/her natural bodily excretions. This effect is permanent and cannot be dispelled.
112. W becomes the personification of a randomly chosen concept, ie Honesty, Gluttony, etc., for one week.
113. Wand explodes as a retributive strike from a fully charged Staff of the Magi. Ouch.
114. T now knows everything. Even that which man was not meant to know. T's head explodes.
115. W and T both become deities, of opposing alignments and pantheons.
116. W grows to thrice his normal size. W's clothing does not.
117. T becomes a gazebo.
118. W becomes a gazebo.
119. All living beings within 10 miles become gazebos.
120. All gazebos within 1 mile animate and seek to consume the brains of the living.


editted for speeling

 

[Schmecky]

121. W makes a ranged attack against T as though he were firing a Longbow (and was proficient in a Longbow); the Wand flies out of W's hand and acts as an Arrow of Ooze Slaying that is fired at T.
122. T gains 3 levels as an Aristocrat.
123. An Umber Hulk appears 500 feet in the air above T.
124. Everybody everywhere permanently forgets all prior memories of T's existence.
125. 3d6 Neutral Good 10th level Wizards appear together 2d6 x 100 miles away in a random direction. They know W's exact location at that moment (but otherwise don't have any special knowledge of his location thereafter.) They are seeking out W. If and when they find W, they will attempt to slay W if he is evil. Otherwise, they will offer to perform one task for W.
126. All of W's clothing becomes covered in purple fur.
127. T and W are both teleported to the locations of their birth.
128. T trades location with the closest Bugbear.
129. The Wand disappears, and a new Wand of Wonder appears in each of T's hands.
130. T teleports 5 feet behind W.

 

[Neal]

131. W gains an "extra life" (instant Raise Dead if killed)
132. Wand achieves sentience. And talks. A lot.
133. Wand enlarges to the size of a telephone pole (difficult to use unless you want a Seige Engine of Wonders)
134. T doubles in weight; excess pounds manifest as body fat
135. Gravity reverses for T for 1d6 rounds
136. Every spell W knows\has memorized is instantly cast at T
137. Reroll twice; Both effects manifest simultaneously
138. Wand melts into gelatin; eating the gelatin will allow the eater to manifest the powers of the Wand
139. Each round, W and T each lose 1 hp. When one dies, this effect ends.
140. Apply a random template (half-dragon, etc.) to W
141. W's next lie becomes a truth
142. T's blood becomes a highly toxic poison. T is unaffected
143. W's soul becomes linked to Wand. If Wand is destroyed, W dies
144. T's favorite food appears at W's feet
145. The sky turns purple until the next dusk or dawn
146. A blade of force extends from tip of wand for 2d6 rounds. Treat as a longsword +3
147. Random peasant in the next town over dies horribly
148. Heavy warhorse appears, completely trained and loyal to W
149. All members of a randomly chosen race become another randomly chosen race
150. W forgets every personal acquaintance he or she has ever made

 

[Epoch]

151. Roll on this table again. If result references T and/or W, replaces all instances of T with W, and W with T.

EDIT: Rest re-applied to the end. People, watch the numbering on this thing!

 

[Bradford C. Walker]

152.: W transforms into a robot (apply Construct template from The Book of Eldritch Magic).
153.: T transforms into a robot (ditto).
154.: W transforms into a giant robot (apply as above, but change Size to Colossal)
155.: T transforms into a giant robot (ditto)
156.: Both W and T transform into robots.
157.: Both W and T transform into giant robots.
158.: One random cast or crew member--past or present--of a Star Wars appears. Necessary gear and abilities to allow survival and communication granted to poor bastard.
159.: One random character from a Star Wars film appears, along with necessary gear and abilities to allow survival and communication. Pity both W and T.
160.: W trades places with random RPG Net regular, permanently.
161.: T trades places with random RPG Net regular, permanently.
162.: Both W and T trade places with random RPG Net regulars, permanently.
163.: Raven c.s. McCracken appears. Both W and T must make Will Saves vs. DC 50 or be compelled to attack McCracken until permanently slain. McCracken displays all abilities claimed in his RPG, so this isn't as easy as it looks.
164.: All talentless entertainers immediately die screaming; no Saving Throw allowed. This may or may not harm either W or T.
165.: God gets a clue and demonstrates undeniable proof of His existance, bothers to declare what the True Faith is and then smacks T upside the head for making W do it (whatever it is).
166.: No obvious effect to W or T, but Doctor Who returns to UK television as if it never left. Americans get it a season later.
167.: All 3.2 beer ever produced appears before T, who must make a Will Save vs. a DC of 50 or be compelled to eat or drink nothing else until it's all gone.
168.: Richard Simmons appears. Run for your lives.
169.: Carrot Top appears. Run even faster.
170.: T gifted with the combat skills of an Imperial Stormtrooper.
171.: W gifted with the combat skills of a Clone Trooper.
172.: T shown a vision of a Joel Schomaker film. Makes a Will Save vs. DC 20 or dies instantly from horror.
173.: Wand becomes a lightsaber. Go to town, W!
174.: Wand becomes a magic key that transforms W into a super-powered teenage girl dressed in a sailor suit. Er...go W?
175.: Wand transforms T into a super-powered teenage girl dressed in a sailor suit. Go T?
176.: Mr. T appears. Gibber-jabber cut; Wand taken away, foo!

 

[Powergamer]

177: Wand transforms into a high-powered vibrating dildo for 2d4 hours. While in this form, it can still be activated as usual.
178: W is hit by falling anvil for 10d20 damage, even if indoors or underground.
179: T is hit by falling anvil for 10d20 damage, even if indoors or underground.
180: W's teeth fall out.

 

[Mytholder]

181: For the next day, all creatures within 24 miles of where the wand was activated have their level/HD, CR, and current Hit Points displayed above their heads with Faerie Fire.
182: W gains the Scent feat. Target gains musk glands.
183: Roll again. If T would take damage as a result of this new result, T is polymorphed into whatever would be immune to such damage - a fire elemental if struck by fire for example.
184: W teleports 50' whenever he takes a 5' step. (i.e., moves while making a full attack or any other action where you can only move 5').
185: Bluescreen effect. All occurances of a random colour become invisible.
186: A kobold shoots from the wand and strikes T (treat as a bull rush by the kobold, who gets a +5 "I've just been magically conjured and launched - at a rather high speed mind you - from a wand, and I'm afraid I'm about to hit you" bonus to attack and damage this round. This bonus does not stack with other bonuses of the same kind.
187: Paradigm shift. The rules of the campaign shift. Roll a d6:
1 - Original D&D
2 - 1st Edition
3 - 2nd Edition
4 - 3rd Edition
5 - Hackmaster!
6 - Roll on this table for each pc & T and apply the result individually.
Characters who have abilities not included in their current ruleset (i.e. feats in OD&D) lose them.
188: A Whale, a bowl of petunias, and a team of pissed-off copyright lawyers appear about 100 miles above T, and begin to fall.
189: A film team appears and begins to make a movie about the PCs. Peter Jackson directs.
190: The most powerful evil wizard in the world retroactively becomes W's father. Rewite campaign history to suit.
191: Whenever W touches anything, roll a d30 and convert the result to a letter (1=a, 2=b etc). Add "old" to the letter. If the assembled word is a valid english word, whatever W touched becomes that thing. So, 2=b=bold, 7=g=gold etc.
192: W's player becomes the DM for the rest of the game session.
193: W's player becomes the DM for the rest of the game session, but must run the game in-character, as if W had just become the supreme being.
194: As 194, but T becomes the DM.
195: All creatures within 24 miles get 20 ranks in Balance and Tumble for the next day.
196: The nearest fish within 24 miles get 50 ranks in Weaponsmithying. This astonishing level of skill means the fish can forge legendary weapons, but getting the fish to a forge is another problem.
197: An aquatic forge, complete with all tools, ever-burning fire, a skilled and amphibious apprentice and an iron golem which can be telepathically controlled by a fish appears. If you rolled the previous result, then used the wand again and got this result, then you must immediately buy the DM a lottery ticket.
198: As above, but it lands right on top of the nearest fish.
199: Instantly, it's dawn on a beautiful summer's day, and the W is standing on a tropical beach by a magnificent rolling ocean. Adjust the gameworld's climate, current position in orbit, and add the necessary beach and ocean. The full effects of such drastic changes are felt in full by the world - totally messed-up seasons, ecological disaster, an extra ocean - but hey, it's a nice day.
200: T is placed in suspended animation and sunk 200' into the ground below where he was standing. A medium-sized dungeon appears. T is the treasure at the end of the dungeon.